WEBVTT

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(soft music)

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- You can\'t tell someone how to believe

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in God and you can\'t
tell someone how to pray.

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It\'s up to that individual.

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(soft music)

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- [Mazouza] Religion is
such a beautiful thing.

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Like you\'re Jewish or
like you\'re Christian

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or you\'re Catholic or Hindu or whatever.

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If you really explore those religions

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you\'re gonna really feel
like you\'re something.

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- [Morgan] The things
that I like about paganism

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is that I\'m able to worship the parts

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of myself that can be represented

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by the God and the goddess.

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- [David] Like, I don\'t think

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that I would be the same
person if I wasn\'t Jewish.

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I think that religion is a big part of me.

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I just don\'t know why.

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- Reaching a higher state of mind

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is something that I wanna do.

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- I believe that God is guiding me.

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And so are my relatives

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that have passed away
and are watching over me.

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(soft music)

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- I think I started defining
my relationship with God.

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- My spiritual identity has changed.

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- I rarely think about God.

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- I put into question a lot of things.

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- The creator may have
sent me on that path.

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- It means a lot more, than
it did when I was younger.

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(soft music)

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(spiritual music)

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- Ever since I was two
years old and I can walk

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my mom was bringing me
and my brothers to church.

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And ever since then, I mean

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the Catholic community has been a big part

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of my life and just helped to shape me.

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(spiritual music)

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There\'s hundreds of thousands
of messages in the Bible.

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One of the biggest one

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of them is, it may sound corny, but love.

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(spiritual music)

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I think Jesus came

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to earth to try to remind people, you know

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the real reason that they\'re here,

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to love each other,

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to care about each other.

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(students murmuring)

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There was a short period
where I was thinking,

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you know maybe I should become a priest,

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but then, but it was very short,

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maybe a couple of days, but I dropped it.

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To be a priest

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you have to make a lot of
sacrifices and commitments.

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And those are sacrifices and
commitments that I can make.

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(soft music)

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The church says so many things
that contradict your life

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you know, as a teenager
and then girls, you know

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are big distraction.

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Hormones right now are full speed ahead.

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And it\'s like, the church is
telling you to cool it down.

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And you\'re just like, \"hey, I can\'t.\"

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God, isn\'t a priority
in my life right now.

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And it bothers me because I was brought

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up instilled with these
values that, you know,

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God is more important than your mom.

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God is more important than your dad.

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It seems like when you become a teenager,

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you kind of distance yourself from God.

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When I pray, I hope someone\'s listening

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and I believe someone\'s listening

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but I\'m not a hundred percent sure.

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I hope I\'m going to heaven,

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but if I do something in my life

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that satisfies me, that I\'m proud of,

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and if I don\'t go to heaven,
I don\'t go to heaven.

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But you know what I can say,

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I\'m proud of myself and I led a good life.

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(soft music)

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- I guess at first I was
very afraid to wear the veil.

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I was afraid of what
my friends would think

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of me, that they would call me weird

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and people wouldn\'t
wanna hang out with me.

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(soft music)

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(foreign language)

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But I was so stupid because,
I felt better when I did it.

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I became the person that I wanted to be.

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I used to wear the tight
jeans, and the tight shirts.

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And I did get a lot of attention.

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When I would walk down the street

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a lot of guys would be attracted to me.

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I would make heads turn.

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When I covered up, I started
feeling more comfortable.

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Like I can go into a room
full of guys, and I won\'t feel

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like they\'re looking at
me for what I\'m wearing

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or they will look at me as
they\'re attracted to me.

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They\'ll look at me with
respect and just listen

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to what I have to say.

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I used to talk back to my teachers.

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I used to get kicked out
of class so many times,

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I used to get into many
fights and one time

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you know, even the police had
to break up one of my fights.

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And then it got so bad
that I was kicked out

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of the eighth grade.

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(student murmuring)

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When that happened.

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That was when I knew that I had to change

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that I couldn\'t stay at the same person.

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I was acting just like any other girl.

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And I was supposed to be a Muslim.

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(student murmuring)

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(spiritual music)

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I\'m a type of person
that needed something,

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not a human, something bigger, something

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that I can\'t see, but
I can only believe in.

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God is only way that you can change.

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(spiritual music)

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You have to give all your heart,

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all your soul to this praying.

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You have to communicate with God.

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You have to feel like He\'s
right in front of you.

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Like you\'re talking to Him.

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(spiritual music)

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The Quran is your answer guide.

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And you have all the answers in it.

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You know, it\'s like your cheat
sheet, sort of, you know.

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Just follow this book and you will make,

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and you will pass your test.

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You will make it to the...

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you\'ll get an A, you\'ll make
it to the afterlife, you know?

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And it\'s your test, you know,

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if you pass this test, you\'ll go to Heaven

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if you don\'t, you\'ll go to Hell.

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(sensational music)

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- The church I believe is
there to represent God.

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You know, and what he
came on this earth to say,

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but then, where does the
church have the rights

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to come in and say,
\"this is how God feels?\"

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No one knows how God feels.

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Even though I\'ve been questioning,

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I still wanna be a Catholic

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because I still believe in God.

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And I still have faith.

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(sensational music)

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And I wanna be a part of the church.

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(sensational music)

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While I was in high school,

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I wasn\'t doing so great at school.

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You know, and there\'s
a lot of inner turmoil.

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One of my mentors let me know
about the youth commission.

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And I said, \"wow, I can
speak truth to power.\"

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And it\'s called advocacy.

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Instead of always getting in trouble.

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(sensational music)

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(gavel bangs)

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The next item is item four presentation

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on the San Francisco County
Transportation Authority

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drafts, Emerging Mobility
Evaluation Report.

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That was the beginnings of me
getting into policy advocacy.

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I got really politically
involved and now work

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for the San Francisco
Department of the Environment.

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Through college, I was
still going to church.

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After college, slowly, I
drifted away from practicing.

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I don\'t really participate

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in any of the sacraments in the church.

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I respect them.

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And I have an appreciation for the meaning

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that they have for other people,

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but I don\'t take communion,

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I don\'t go to confession.

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I don\'t really participate in any of them.

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And as a gay man,

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the fact is they don\'t want me
participating in them anyway.

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There were so many factors

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that play a role in my
deciding not to come out,

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until I was 30.

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The question in my head

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was always whether or not I was gay

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because I felt like in high school

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I had feelings for men, but
was also attracted to women.

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And I had girlfriends.

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(sensational music)

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There were some moments

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that I look back on, in high school

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where I was questioning myself.

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Some of the things that
the priests were saying

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about gay people.

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They\'re so strong in my mind.

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There\'s no question
that that had an impact

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on how I felt about myself.

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(sensational music)

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I wasn\'t happy with my life,

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I wasn\'t happy with my career,

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I just fundamentally was not happy.

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So I actually, right before I came out

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I went to church and
was like, \" what is it?

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Am I gay?

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Am I straight?

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Am I bi?\"

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It was just causing me so
much mental and physical pain

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that I just wanted that pain to be over.

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And that\'s when I said,

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\"you know what, I\'m just
gonna come out to my family,

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I\'m just gonna come out to my friends

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and whatever happens doesn\'t matter.\"

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And they ended up
accepting me and loving me.

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(sensational music)

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- I love everything about Islam.

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And without it, I think
I would be lost kind of.

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\'Cause right now it\'s like I
found my place in this life.

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(Mazouza sings in foreign language)

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I graduated from college

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got a degree in International Relations.

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I got married when I was
18, which is very young.

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He was just the right guy.

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And marrying him didn\'t change
my plans for the future.

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And it didn\'t slow me down at all.

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I decided to take off my hijab.

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Not because I hate it and not
because they think it\'s ugly.

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No, I think it\'s very beautiful.

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And I respect women who wanna wear it

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and women who don\'t, it\'s a choice.

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(soft music)

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I wore the hijab when I was younger

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because I really thought that I had to.

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I would question things
a lot as I got older.

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\"Why did I have to cover my hair?

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My face is more attractive than my hair,

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how come I don\'t have to cover my face?

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And how come there\'s so
many different opinions?\"

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(soft music)

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My parents wanting to
give me the right answers.

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My dad would say, \"I\'ll ask for you.\"

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I felt like my dad was gonna
go ask one of his friends

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who\'d read a book that a man wrote

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and he was gonna come give me the answer

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that that guy thought was right.

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I wanted like hardcore evidence
from God, not from a man.

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The only place that I could get

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that was from reading the Quran.

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And God says in the Quran that,

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\"I don\'t need anyone to
tell me what it means.\"

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The Quran is very easy to understand.

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And I don\'t need to ask a
man to explain it to me.

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(sensational music)

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Reading the Quran,

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not finding anything that says
that I have to cover my hair,

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but it did say I had to be modest.

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And modesty is beauty and
there\'s nothing wrong with it.

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After my research,

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I found that women in those days

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already covered their head.

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It was a cultural way of dressing.

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(soft music)

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Countries that force women

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to cover from head to toe

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and put so many limitations

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on them, are not
following the true essence

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of what our religion taught us.

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They\'re not following Islam in any way.

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I could never say that
my parents were wrong

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and I can never say that any
Muslim interpretation is wrong,

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because people look at things differently.

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All I can say is that, I realized

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there are many different
interpretations to every religion.

00:16:22.982 --> 00:16:25.982
(sensational music)

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(indistinct)

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- There\'s only one main
difference between being Muslim,

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being Jewish and being Christian.

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And that\'s who the Messiah is.

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In Judaism although they
believe, that Jesus existed,

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they don\'t believe that
He\'s the son of God.

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They haven\'t found the Messiah,

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He hasn\'t come and they\'re
just waiting for Him or Her.

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I think of Judaism more as a community,

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I try to be you know, a good
member of the community.

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I actually feel more comfortable
with my Jewish friends

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than my friends who aren\'t Jewish.

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We\'ve gone through so much crap together,

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being kicked out of places

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then being kicked out of where you go to.

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I mean, we\'ve gotten so far together.

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There\'s absolutely no reason
now that we should break apart.

00:17:42.733 --> 00:17:45.733
(soft guitar music)

00:17:50.300 --> 00:17:51.879
I feel that I have a lot more stuff

00:17:51.880 --> 00:17:54.519
to worry about than most other people.

00:17:54.520 --> 00:17:56.570
The fact that I\'m mixed, then I\'m Jewish.

00:17:57.930 --> 00:18:00.323
Someone tells me, you
know, you\'re not black.

00:18:01.250 --> 00:18:02.279
I know that I\'m black.

00:18:02.280 --> 00:18:04.452
They say I\'m not Jewish,
I know I\'m Jewish.

00:18:04.453 --> 00:18:07.453
(soft guitar music)

00:18:11.212 --> 00:18:12.969
- And I don\'t wanna work here anymore.

00:18:12.970 --> 00:18:16.839
And so he said, \"well, do
you want to call your mom

00:18:16.840 --> 00:18:18.086
and have her come pick you up?\"

00:18:18.087 --> 00:18:19.909
- [David] Just a stranger on the bus.

00:18:19.910 --> 00:18:21.329
My sister has depression

00:18:21.330 --> 00:18:24.699
and I might actually also have depression.

00:18:24.700 --> 00:18:28.363
And the worst year of my life
is when I was in eighth grade.

00:18:29.362 --> 00:18:32.179
And that was when she was
going through her worst time.

00:18:32.180 --> 00:18:34.313
And she tried to kill herself.

00:18:35.440 --> 00:18:38.813
And I think that\'s probably
when I stopped believing in God.

00:18:42.240 --> 00:18:44.109
Also, that\'s when I
really started learning

00:18:44.110 --> 00:18:47.209
about you know, what
really happened in history

00:18:47.210 --> 00:18:48.709
about, you know, the Holocaust

00:18:48.710 --> 00:18:50.760
and all the bad things that had happened.

00:18:52.630 --> 00:18:54.959
Some of the things that went
on in concentration camps

00:18:54.960 --> 00:18:57.189
were just beyond imagination.

00:18:57.190 --> 00:19:00.049
The pain, the suffering
that they went through.

00:19:00.050 --> 00:19:02.630
And slavery is another reason

00:19:03.590 --> 00:19:07.003
how people could actually
believe they\'re superior,

00:19:08.120 --> 00:19:09.788
it just amazes me.

00:19:09.789 --> 00:19:12.206
(soft music)

00:19:13.210 --> 00:19:15.379
So many things that go on in my life

00:19:15.380 --> 00:19:16.939
that I need to talk about

00:19:16.940 --> 00:19:18.149
but I don\'t know where to talk

00:19:18.150 --> 00:19:20.793
about it or who to talk about it with.

00:19:22.830 --> 00:19:27.193
I pray, but usually I\'m
not praying to anything.

00:19:28.320 --> 00:19:29.539
I don\'t know what I pray.

00:19:29.540 --> 00:19:31.729
I feel like I\'m talking to something.

00:19:31.730 --> 00:19:33.910
I just don\'t know what, and I don\'t think

00:19:35.101 --> 00:19:37.359
that whatever I\'m talking
to can do anything.

00:19:37.360 --> 00:19:38.829
I just feel like it\'s a better way

00:19:38.830 --> 00:19:40.801
of getting things off my chest.

00:19:40.802 --> 00:19:43.219
(soft music)

00:19:45.390 --> 00:19:47.589
The only person in my
family who\'s been in Israel

00:19:47.590 --> 00:19:50.823
is my grandmother, just
recently passed away.

00:19:53.150 --> 00:19:55.189
So I feel kinda committed

00:19:55.190 --> 00:19:58.969
now more so than before, to go to Israel

00:19:58.970 --> 00:20:00.433
and account for our family.

00:20:03.460 --> 00:20:07.659
I don\'t know what will happen
to me when I go to Israel.

00:20:07.660 --> 00:20:11.299
I don\'t think that anyone can
really talk me into believing

00:20:11.300 --> 00:20:14.029
in God, but I believe that
like certain experiences

00:20:14.030 --> 00:20:15.030
could help me.

00:20:16.039 --> 00:20:18.456
(soft music)

00:20:20.120 --> 00:20:21.770
I\'m hoping that I believe in God,

00:20:23.010 --> 00:20:26.529
\'cause pretty much I do
wanna believe in a God,

00:20:26.530 --> 00:20:29.246
but right now I have no reason to.

00:20:29.247 --> 00:20:31.664
(soft music)

00:20:39.750 --> 00:20:42.683
- In Buddhism we believe
in cause and effect,

00:20:44.270 --> 00:20:48.349
something I do now, might not
affect me in the near future

00:20:48.350 --> 00:20:51.833
but it will affect me at
sometime during my life.

00:20:53.390 --> 00:20:55.723
Realistically, there is no destiny.

00:20:56.750 --> 00:20:58.233
You create it yourself.

00:20:59.600 --> 00:21:02.349
You strive to live the best way you can.

00:21:02.350 --> 00:21:05.903
So that in the future, your
effects will come out positive.

00:21:09.880 --> 00:21:12.989
It\'s hard to be a strict
Buddhist living in America

00:21:12.990 --> 00:21:15.757
because the value system forces

00:21:15.758 --> 00:21:20.758
me to wanna do things that go
against the Buddhist values.

00:21:22.010 --> 00:21:25.399
Like, oh, we\'re not supposed to eat meat

00:21:25.400 --> 00:21:26.739
or kill living things.

00:21:26.740 --> 00:21:28.699
And then there\'s fast food burgers.

00:21:28.700 --> 00:21:30.879
And then everyone\'s
looking out to get ahead

00:21:30.880 --> 00:21:33.999
of the other person to
get as much as they can.

00:21:34.000 --> 00:21:38.610
We\'re taught to never be
happy and to always want more.

00:21:42.397 --> 00:21:44.809
(spiritual music)

00:21:44.810 --> 00:21:47.259
Buddha is not a God, right?

00:21:47.260 --> 00:21:50.219
Buddha was a person just like us.

00:21:50.220 --> 00:21:52.839
He\'s just an enlightened one.

00:21:52.840 --> 00:21:55.685
And as an enlightened
one, he is our teacher

00:21:55.686 --> 00:21:59.118
to lead us to the path of the mighty man.

00:21:59.119 --> 00:22:02.119
(spiritual hymning)

00:22:06.060 --> 00:22:10.369
Buddha was enlightened
about 2000 years ago.

00:22:10.370 --> 00:22:12.306
And since then

00:22:12.307 --> 00:22:15.973
there have been other people
who have reached enlightenment.

00:22:18.570 --> 00:22:20.493
Because he understands suffering,

00:22:21.490 --> 00:22:24.623
he understands life.

00:22:27.180 --> 00:22:29.110
He has the answer to everything.

00:22:29.111 --> 00:22:32.194
(instrumental music)

00:22:36.560 --> 00:22:38.629
- I remember when I was in Israel

00:22:38.630 --> 00:22:41.603
and I really didn\'t wanna feel something.

00:22:42.920 --> 00:22:43.880
The closest I got,

00:22:43.881 --> 00:22:45.579
which probably closest
I\'ve been in my life

00:22:45.580 --> 00:22:47.380
was when I went to the Western Wall.

00:22:48.610 --> 00:22:49.809
Went and put my hands on it

00:22:49.810 --> 00:22:52.106
and so many people that
I talked to were like,

00:22:52.107 --> 00:22:53.807
\"yes I feel the spirits.\"

00:22:54.710 --> 00:22:58.629
And for me it was definitely an experience

00:22:58.630 --> 00:23:00.499
and like, I felt something,

00:23:00.500 --> 00:23:04.129
though it was more like
feeling how old it was

00:23:04.130 --> 00:23:05.603
and feeling the history.

00:23:10.350 --> 00:23:15.149
As I\'ve grown older, and
I ask, \"why am I here?\"

00:23:15.150 --> 00:23:17.029
I still don\'t have an answer to it.

00:23:17.030 --> 00:23:19.859
But the question doesn\'t
nag at me, like it used to.

00:23:19.860 --> 00:23:21.149
I feel like when I was younger

00:23:21.150 --> 00:23:24.969
I would almost obsess about
that question and, you know,

00:23:24.970 --> 00:23:29.689
look at myself in the
mirror and had no answer.

00:23:29.690 --> 00:23:32.913
And now I don\'t have an
answer, but I\'m okay with it.

00:23:45.770 --> 00:23:49.389
I think when I initially
stopped believing in God,

00:23:49.390 --> 00:23:51.189
I rationalized it

00:23:51.190 --> 00:23:54.633
with the negative things in life.

00:23:55.850 --> 00:23:57.219
As I\'ve gotten older,

00:23:57.220 --> 00:23:59.059
I\'ve strayed from that.

00:23:59.060 --> 00:24:04.060
And I\'m more, a logical
mathematical scientific type.

00:24:09.819 --> 00:24:12.736
(soft banjo music)

00:24:16.310 --> 00:24:18.479
I feel like what other
people may get from religion,

00:24:18.480 --> 00:24:19.774
I get elsewhere.

00:24:19.775 --> 00:24:21.979
(soft banjo music)

00:24:21.980 --> 00:24:25.252
I don\'t know what exactly that is.

00:24:25.253 --> 00:24:28.729
Or, maybe I get that
from playing PlayStation

00:24:28.730 --> 00:24:32.130
or rock climbing or playing the Banjo.

00:24:32.131 --> 00:24:35.048
(soft banjo music)

00:24:36.940 --> 00:24:38.969
My relationship with being Jewish

00:24:38.970 --> 00:24:40.763
has always been complicated.

00:24:42.700 --> 00:24:45.239
But Judaism isn\'t
something I could let go.

00:24:45.240 --> 00:24:46.709
I feel like it\'s part of me.

00:24:46.710 --> 00:24:48.139
It\'s how I was raised.

00:24:48.140 --> 00:24:50.389
And it\'s part of my personality.

00:24:50.390 --> 00:24:51.999
It\'s part of my upbringing.

00:24:52.000 --> 00:24:53.859
So that will always be there.

00:24:53.860 --> 00:24:56.383
And that will never change.

00:24:56.384 --> 00:24:58.801
(soft music)

00:25:02.060 --> 00:25:03.429
- I was taking the bus one day

00:25:03.430 --> 00:25:07.433
like a bus route that
I normally don\'t take.

00:25:08.870 --> 00:25:11.759
I just saw a lot of things
that made me unhappy.

00:25:11.760 --> 00:25:13.419
Like, there\'s this one man,

00:25:13.420 --> 00:25:15.049
and he had like a cart

00:25:15.050 --> 00:25:18.713
and he was lying on the
grass with his face down.

00:25:19.910 --> 00:25:21.569
And I started walking really slowly.

00:25:21.570 --> 00:25:25.579
And I walked past him just
to make sure that he was okay

00:25:25.580 --> 00:25:27.326
and the mail man walks past me and goes,

00:25:27.327 --> 00:25:29.657
\"it\'s okay, there\'s
nothing wrong with him.\"

00:25:30.690 --> 00:25:33.479
And he just completely dismissed this man

00:25:33.480 --> 00:25:38.480
who probably had like a million problems.

00:25:39.350 --> 00:25:41.782
That\'s probably the biggest thing

00:25:41.783 --> 00:25:44.959
that bothers me about this world,

00:25:44.960 --> 00:25:47.033
is how selfish people have become.

00:25:53.070 --> 00:25:54.769
Monks and nuns are so lucky

00:25:54.770 --> 00:25:59.563
because they\'re completely
mindful and peaceful.

00:26:01.380 --> 00:26:05.609
I really wanna be somewhere
like that, when I get older.

00:26:05.610 --> 00:26:07.759
Growing up, going to school,

00:26:07.760 --> 00:26:12.209
getting a job, having a
family, having kids, you know,

00:26:12.210 --> 00:26:14.243
like making money, all of that stuff,

00:26:16.100 --> 00:26:17.863
it\'s like a cycle.

00:26:31.140 --> 00:26:35.305
After college I started working

00:26:35.306 --> 00:26:37.891
in social justice, grassroots organizing.

00:26:37.892 --> 00:26:40.309
(soft music)

00:26:47.310 --> 00:26:51.163
I\'ve gotten my master\'s
degree, traveled abroad,

00:26:52.380 --> 00:26:54.433
worked for a member of Congress.

00:26:56.740 --> 00:26:59.689
I had been pushing myself
to achieve these things

00:26:59.690 --> 00:27:03.803
professionally and I did okay.

00:27:05.150 --> 00:27:08.193
I was pretty successful
for where I was at.

00:27:09.410 --> 00:27:14.410
And at the same time

00:27:14.530 --> 00:27:18.803
I felt like I didn\'t know who I was.

00:27:22.583 --> 00:27:25.250
(food sizzling)

00:27:28.200 --> 00:27:31.019
I could not be strong for myself.

00:27:31.020 --> 00:27:34.029
I was just caught in the cycle.

00:27:34.030 --> 00:27:37.129
And I was doing the same detrimental thing

00:27:37.130 --> 00:27:38.273
over and over again.

00:27:40.320 --> 00:27:42.487
Because of the relationship that I was in.

00:27:44.230 --> 00:27:47.499
My boyfriend at the time was taking money

00:27:47.500 --> 00:27:52.143
directly out of my
checking account to gamble.

00:27:55.320 --> 00:27:57.710
Got laptop gone, my iPod was gone

00:28:00.430 --> 00:28:01.839
and he eventually called

00:28:01.840 --> 00:28:04.757
me and told me, \"I took everything.\"

00:28:04.758 --> 00:28:07.758
(sensational music)

00:28:08.730 --> 00:28:12.779
I didn\'t face the music
when it was time to face it.

00:28:12.780 --> 00:28:14.089
I let things drag on.

00:28:14.090 --> 00:28:17.349
And after the relationship ended

00:28:17.350 --> 00:28:21.183
I realized that I was
really spiritually, empty.

00:28:32.090 --> 00:28:37.090
I was going to the monastery
and I would sit with a nun

00:28:37.270 --> 00:28:39.479
and I would tell her, \"it\'s
like, I\'m dating somebody

00:28:39.480 --> 00:28:41.369
who\'s really unhealthy for me.

00:28:41.370 --> 00:28:44.047
And, I keep doing it.\"

00:28:45.550 --> 00:28:46.806
And then she was just like,

00:28:46.807 --> 00:28:48.519
\"you have to be strong yourself first.

00:28:48.520 --> 00:28:50.387
You can\'t be there for anybody else.\"

00:28:51.360 --> 00:28:53.573
When I could not be strong for myself.

00:28:56.220 --> 00:28:58.299
I felt like what I needed at the time

00:28:58.300 --> 00:28:59.889
was to be able to have faith

00:28:59.890 --> 00:29:04.890
in some kind of higher power
that would speak to me,

00:29:05.440 --> 00:29:08.039
that would guide me,
that would protect me,

00:29:08.040 --> 00:29:13.040
that would, you know,
listen to my prayers.

00:29:13.610 --> 00:29:15.210
I think that now I am...

00:29:16.350 --> 00:29:21.350
Yeah I would say like a Buddhist
kind of Christian Yogini.

00:29:22.720 --> 00:29:25.313
I kind of, I don\'t have a word for it.

00:29:28.388 --> 00:29:29.221
- Hello.

00:29:29.221 --> 00:29:30.054
- Hi dad.

00:29:30.054 --> 00:29:30.887
- Hello, hi.

00:29:30.888 --> 00:29:33.304
(indistinct)

00:29:39.210 --> 00:29:43.910
Accepting Christianity is kind
of like, rejecting Buddhism.

00:29:47.750 --> 00:29:49.599
Inevitably, as I get older

00:29:49.600 --> 00:29:52.209
I\'m gonna become more assimilated

00:29:52.210 --> 00:29:56.423
into American Western culture.

00:29:58.780 --> 00:30:00.276
When I\'m an old lady, I\'m gonna say,

00:30:00.277 --> 00:30:02.119
\"well, I\'m trying to spend amazement,

00:30:02.120 --> 00:30:03.040
I\'m first-generation,

00:30:03.041 --> 00:30:04.929
I was born here and I grew up Buddhist.\"

00:30:04.930 --> 00:30:08.773
And then, but what are
my children going to say?

00:30:10.400 --> 00:30:14.373
I don\'t want to abandon my own culture.

00:30:18.530 --> 00:30:21.169
There\'s gotta be a way
for me to understand

00:30:21.170 --> 00:30:22.280
Christianity without understanding

00:30:22.281 --> 00:30:27.079
the whole history of it
being about colonization.

00:30:27.080 --> 00:30:31.539
For me to re-understand it
from the lens of, you know,

00:30:31.540 --> 00:30:32.639
God was serving the people,

00:30:32.640 --> 00:30:34.090
Jesus was serving the people.

00:30:35.010 --> 00:30:38.003
I believe in serving the people as well.

00:30:39.030 --> 00:30:40.509
That\'s what Buddhism has taught me.

00:30:40.510 --> 00:30:41.799
It\'s what the Four Noble Truths

00:30:41.800 --> 00:30:44.113
the Eightfold Path is all about.

00:30:45.190 --> 00:30:48.839
If I can see that there\'s
that similarity with the Bible

00:30:48.840 --> 00:30:51.689
it feels more natural
to link those two up.

00:30:51.690 --> 00:30:54.097
Maybe some lavender but...

00:30:54.098 --> 00:30:56.409
I don\'t think it\'s necessary
for me to decide right now

00:30:56.410 --> 00:31:01.410
what, I don\'t know, like a defining word

00:31:01.640 --> 00:31:04.839
or this defining label for my own faith.

00:31:04.840 --> 00:31:07.257
(soft music)

00:31:15.780 --> 00:31:19.839
- It would be kind of
disturbing to be raised

00:31:19.840 --> 00:31:23.059
on a religion where everything is male.

00:31:23.060 --> 00:31:25.489
That\'s why I enjoy being in a religion

00:31:25.490 --> 00:31:30.490
where there\'s both female
deities and male deities.

00:31:30.710 --> 00:31:33.127
(soft music)

00:31:36.230 --> 00:31:38.279
Paganism is I think,

00:31:38.280 --> 00:31:40.929
one of the oldest religions in the world,

00:31:40.930 --> 00:31:42.229
though it has been added

00:31:42.230 --> 00:31:45.773
too and it\'s much changed
since it was originally.

00:31:51.163 --> 00:31:53.569
- Put on top of the Celtic tradition.

00:31:53.570 --> 00:31:55.369
- [Morgan] I think my
mom discovered paganism

00:31:55.370 --> 00:31:57.083
when she was in her twenties.

00:32:00.353 --> 00:32:02.369
If you look around our house

00:32:02.370 --> 00:32:05.729
it\'s not just pagan gods
that she looks up to.

00:32:05.730 --> 00:32:07.559
She likes to look at all religions.

00:32:07.560 --> 00:32:09.683
She\'s really a believer in every religion.

00:32:12.240 --> 00:32:13.552
I just like to stick to paganism,

00:32:13.553 --> 00:32:15.029
it\'s kind of overwhelming

00:32:15.030 --> 00:32:17.763
if I look at all the other
religions in the world.

00:32:19.550 --> 00:32:22.369
The earth is a magical place.

00:32:22.370 --> 00:32:24.363
Everything in it is magical.

00:32:25.930 --> 00:32:27.789
Pretty much all pagans believe

00:32:27.790 --> 00:32:30.234
that the gods and the
goddesses together created

00:32:30.235 --> 00:32:32.183
the earth and the universe.

00:32:33.220 --> 00:32:35.379
And it\'s mostly about nature

00:32:35.380 --> 00:32:38.539
and worshiping the world around you.

00:32:38.540 --> 00:32:43.540
And it\'s more love than sins
or what you have to do right.

00:32:44.320 --> 00:32:47.229
And what you have to do to be loved.

00:32:47.230 --> 00:32:49.579
It\'s all about, \"this is just the world,

00:32:49.580 --> 00:32:52.289
we love you, everybody loves you

00:32:52.290 --> 00:32:54.762
and you should love other people.\"

00:32:54.763 --> 00:32:57.180
(soft music)

00:33:00.180 --> 00:33:01.719
Sometimes it\'s hard to be a pagan

00:33:01.720 --> 00:33:05.639
because it seems like there\'s
not too many of us out there.

00:33:05.640 --> 00:33:08.809
And people have all kinds
of beliefs about pagans,

00:33:08.810 --> 00:33:10.173
like they\'re Satanists.

00:33:12.040 --> 00:33:14.159
And sometimes it feels
kind of uncomfortable.

00:33:14.160 --> 00:33:15.899
Like I have to explain myself

00:33:15.900 --> 00:33:18.073
and explain my beliefs to everybody.

00:33:19.071 --> 00:33:21.488
(soft music)

00:33:23.250 --> 00:33:27.069
Basically, we are a Christian society.

00:33:27.070 --> 00:33:30.729
And so it\'s very hard to be a pagan

00:33:30.730 --> 00:33:33.263
or be anything but Christian here,

00:33:35.360 --> 00:33:38.299
because even though
that there is tolerance

00:33:38.300 --> 00:33:41.653
for other religions, it\'s
not really accepted here.

00:33:52.750 --> 00:33:56.579
Usually I just pray for
happiness and healthiness

00:33:56.580 --> 00:34:00.993
and everybody to really be
comfortable in their lives.

00:34:03.750 --> 00:34:05.719
I just wanna be satisfied
with my own life.

00:34:05.720 --> 00:34:09.249
So that\'s what I use my spells

00:34:09.250 --> 00:34:11.883
or just my rituals to ask for.

00:34:18.855 --> 00:34:20.772
(beep)

00:34:29.740 --> 00:34:33.619
I\'ve had Crohn\'s disease
for almost 14 years.

00:34:33.620 --> 00:34:35.529
And there have been times

00:34:35.530 --> 00:34:39.249
when it\'s been pretty well
controlled by medication

00:34:39.250 --> 00:34:42.063
and my symptoms have been minimal.

00:34:44.550 --> 00:34:45.809
Then there\'ve been other times

00:34:45.810 --> 00:34:47.753
when I\'ve very much struggled.

00:34:51.134 --> 00:34:53.051
(beep)

00:34:58.030 --> 00:35:01.419
Some people when trying to explain

00:35:01.420 --> 00:35:03.669
why I\'ve experienced so much suffering

00:35:03.670 --> 00:35:08.363
might say that I am doing something wrong.

00:35:11.050 --> 00:35:16.050
That my connection with
all that is sacred,

00:35:16.130 --> 00:35:19.283
all that is divine, my
religious beliefs are wrong.

00:35:21.110 --> 00:35:26.069
I think that I\'ve been
suffering because I am alive,

00:35:26.070 --> 00:35:28.379
because I am a human being,

00:35:28.380 --> 00:35:31.829
because I am in a body.

00:35:31.830 --> 00:35:35.563
And it\'s not something that
I wish to separate from.

00:35:37.105 --> 00:35:39.022
(beep)

00:35:40.164 --> 00:35:42.831
(air whooshing)

00:35:46.776 --> 00:35:48.259
(soft music)

00:35:48.260 --> 00:35:51.379
- [Julius] I believe that
everything is related.

00:35:51.380 --> 00:35:53.189
All it is, we\'re all praying

00:35:53.190 --> 00:35:57.749
to one person, that He\'s the creator.

00:35:57.750 --> 00:35:59.133
He\'s the grandfather.

00:36:02.480 --> 00:36:04.899
My name is Julius Not Afraid.

00:36:04.900 --> 00:36:08.406
I am CHR and Oglala Lakota.

00:36:08.407 --> 00:36:11.240
(soft drum beats)

00:36:16.010 --> 00:36:17.259
Growing up I was taught

00:36:17.260 --> 00:36:21.163
that the drum is the
heartbeat of the people.

00:36:22.460 --> 00:36:23.899
God is in your heart.

00:36:23.900 --> 00:36:27.889
And every one of us, when
you felt the drumbeat

00:36:27.890 --> 00:36:29.771
you know that God\'s in it.

00:36:29.772 --> 00:36:32.605
(soft drum beats)

00:36:38.940 --> 00:36:40.569
As a young Lakota boy

00:36:40.570 --> 00:36:42.789
I was taught our values

00:36:42.790 --> 00:36:47.790
which are generosity,
respect, wisdom, and courage.

00:36:47.823 --> 00:36:51.156
(indistinct chattering)

00:36:53.580 --> 00:36:56.605
I was taught to respect everything,

00:36:56.606 --> 00:36:58.639
myself and if you respect the others,

00:36:58.640 --> 00:36:59.903
they will respect you.

00:37:05.800 --> 00:37:08.659
Mother earth is what we live on.

00:37:08.660 --> 00:37:12.693
She nurtures us just like a
mother would nurture her child.

00:37:13.670 --> 00:37:17.769
Whenever mother earth gives
me something like food

00:37:17.770 --> 00:37:18.858
I would pray to her

00:37:18.859 --> 00:37:21.669
and thank her for what she has done

00:37:21.670 --> 00:37:26.029
for not only myself but
for the rest of mankind

00:37:26.030 --> 00:37:27.030
on this earth.

00:37:29.360 --> 00:37:33.133
When I pray, you don\'t really
have to be in a church.

00:37:34.290 --> 00:37:35.593
God is everywhere.

00:37:36.454 --> 00:37:37.939
(ambient music)

00:37:37.940 --> 00:37:40.563
He would hear your prayers anywhere.

00:37:51.040 --> 00:37:54.793
I don\'t get pressured into doing anything.

00:37:56.200 --> 00:37:58.959
There are things I do just try to stay

00:37:58.960 --> 00:37:59.960
out of trouble

00:38:02.220 --> 00:38:05.689
\'cause I think it\'ll further me in life

00:38:05.690 --> 00:38:10.690
than getting into drugs,
alcohol, and gang life.

00:38:13.420 --> 00:38:16.513
\'Cause that\'s not our own way of belief.

00:38:17.407 --> 00:38:19.824
(indistinct)

00:38:22.090 --> 00:38:23.449
(instrumental music)

00:38:23.450 --> 00:38:28.059
And I believe that if
you live that good life

00:38:28.060 --> 00:38:30.374
you become somebody in this world.

00:38:30.375 --> 00:38:33.458
(instrumental music)

00:38:35.491 --> 00:38:38.749
- The Oglala really, is
just a gathering of natives

00:38:38.750 --> 00:38:40.018
around this area.

00:38:40.019 --> 00:38:43.804
(instrumental music)

00:38:43.805 --> 00:38:45.959
It\'s a good feeling to
know where you\'re coming

00:38:45.960 --> 00:38:48.849
from and what you\'re doing.

00:38:48.850 --> 00:38:50.592
I\'m doing something good.

00:38:50.593 --> 00:38:53.676
(instrumental music)

00:39:03.860 --> 00:39:06.033
I became a World Champion Grass Dancer.

00:39:07.960 --> 00:39:11.639
I participated in the song
and dance celebrations

00:39:11.640 --> 00:39:14.400
of all throughout North
American continent.

00:39:14.401 --> 00:39:17.484
(instrumental music)

00:39:22.869 --> 00:39:23.717
It kept me going.

00:39:23.718 --> 00:39:26.713
And it introduced me to a
lot of wonderful people.

00:39:27.640 --> 00:39:29.843
I\'ve been adopted into many tribes.

00:39:30.980 --> 00:39:33.579
I have an extensive family,

00:39:33.580 --> 00:39:36.600
but I do have a lot of love for it.

00:39:36.601 --> 00:39:39.684
(instrumental music)

00:39:46.860 --> 00:39:49.049
Also it allowed me to stay

00:39:49.050 --> 00:39:50.589
near and close to the heartbeat,

00:39:50.590 --> 00:39:52.539
which is Apollo drum.

00:39:52.540 --> 00:39:55.203
So, and that was such a blessing.

00:40:00.419 --> 00:40:03.669
(drug bottle clacking)

00:40:13.700 --> 00:40:15.489
- Am I a witch?

00:40:15.490 --> 00:40:16.893
Am I pagan?

00:40:19.290 --> 00:40:23.273
My best answer is yes and no.

00:40:26.440 --> 00:40:27.579
I\'m not a pagan.

00:40:27.580 --> 00:40:32.580
If you expect pagans to celebrate
all of the pagan holidays,

00:40:34.310 --> 00:40:38.490
follow certain rituals
with certain ritual objects

00:40:39.760 --> 00:40:41.479
or that I\'m spending a lot of time

00:40:41.480 --> 00:40:43.613
with people who identify as pagan.

00:40:45.430 --> 00:40:46.763
I am a pagan,

00:40:48.310 --> 00:40:50.359
when I check in with myself.

00:40:50.360 --> 00:40:53.733
And when I think about the
values that I was raised with.

00:40:53.734 --> 00:40:56.734
(sensational music)

00:40:57.960 --> 00:41:02.733
I do identify in some
ways as a secular witch.

00:41:04.050 --> 00:41:06.677
I respect my own intuition.

00:41:08.060 --> 00:41:13.060
I have the ability to make
certain changes in my own life.

00:41:13.160 --> 00:41:18.160
I have the ability to love
and support other people.

00:41:18.966 --> 00:41:21.966
(sensational music)

00:41:24.170 --> 00:41:29.170
I believe that the word witch
means to bend or to shape

00:41:29.580 --> 00:41:34.369
and I do see myself as
making decisions that bend

00:41:34.370 --> 00:41:38.223
or shape my own life and the lives

00:41:38.224 --> 00:41:42.773
of the communities that
I belong to, for good.

00:41:49.870 --> 00:41:52.239
Now, when I think about
all of the problems

00:41:52.240 --> 00:41:53.689
that are happening in the world

00:41:53.690 --> 00:41:55.829
and I think about my own capabilities

00:41:55.830 --> 00:41:58.199
especially given that I
have a chronic illness

00:41:58.200 --> 00:42:03.200
and plus it\'s hard to even
leave the house sometimes.

00:42:03.310 --> 00:42:04.310
- Of course I did.

00:42:07.830 --> 00:42:10.809
- And sometimes the best that you can do

00:42:10.810 --> 00:42:15.133
when you\'re suffering
is to move through it,

00:42:17.660 --> 00:42:21.223
to pursue relief and to
just be with other people.

00:42:40.150 --> 00:42:45.150
- The last 17 years, I\'ve seen
a lot of change in my life.

00:42:47.470 --> 00:42:52.470
I happened to lose loved
ones that affected my life.

00:42:55.173 --> 00:42:58.409
(suitcase clacking)

00:42:58.410 --> 00:43:02.503
I had established a
little family of my own.

00:43:04.270 --> 00:43:06.440
I have a daughter and a son

00:43:08.560 --> 00:43:10.783
and went through a separation.

00:43:15.794 --> 00:43:18.179
Through our separation,

00:43:18.180 --> 00:43:23.180
I felt overwhelmed with
anxiety, depression,

00:43:23.960 --> 00:43:28.960
all the mental feelings and
emotions that go with a loss.

00:43:31.890 --> 00:43:35.109
At that time, I had individuals

00:43:35.110 --> 00:43:39.903
in my life that had utilized substances.

00:43:43.290 --> 00:43:47.399
They happen to be a part of a group

00:43:47.400 --> 00:43:51.283
of people that seem as
though they were having fun.

00:43:52.736 --> 00:43:55.289
(sensational music)

00:43:55.290 --> 00:43:58.149
I overlooked my own mentality.

00:43:58.150 --> 00:44:01.019
My heart, my prayers,

00:44:01.020 --> 00:44:06.020
and I utilized the substance
abuse of drug and alcohol.

00:44:09.470 --> 00:44:14.470
I found myself isolating from
individuals that cared for me.

00:44:16.930 --> 00:44:19.633
I did not turn to our traditional way.

00:44:22.050 --> 00:44:23.149
At this point in time

00:44:23.150 --> 00:44:25.629
I\'m not in touch with my children.

00:44:25.630 --> 00:44:29.473
Their mother has a new companion

00:44:34.760 --> 00:44:39.760
and it seems as though out of
the respect for her happiness

00:44:41.290 --> 00:44:46.223
I stepped as far back as I could.

00:44:47.480 --> 00:44:52.480
And at this point it seems
as though I have a belief

00:44:54.071 --> 00:44:57.939
that even my children will
come back to me someday.

00:44:57.940 --> 00:44:59.829
I leave everything up

00:44:59.830 --> 00:45:04.830
to the great spirit almighty to guide me

00:45:05.050 --> 00:45:07.012
on this path, walk of life.

00:45:07.013 --> 00:45:09.430
(soft music)

00:45:29.520 --> 00:45:31.470
- We\'re taught to see God in everybody,

00:45:32.320 --> 00:45:34.009
\'cause like I said God created you,

00:45:34.010 --> 00:45:35.113
God created me.

00:45:36.123 --> 00:45:37.579
God is here in the room.

00:45:37.580 --> 00:45:41.169
God is in every space, forever.

00:45:41.170 --> 00:45:42.540
That\'s what we\'re taught.

00:45:42.541 --> 00:45:43.756
And it\'s not just that we\'re taught,

00:45:43.757 --> 00:45:45.223
that\'s what I believe.

00:45:49.700 --> 00:45:54.569
I just wish that for more
people, it didn\'t matter

00:45:54.570 --> 00:45:58.027
what your sexuality is
or what your religion

00:45:58.028 --> 00:46:01.389
is or what your country of origin is.

00:46:01.390 --> 00:46:06.390
Once you start to love
yourself, you realize

00:46:09.000 --> 00:46:14.000
that being gay is a gift and
being gay is a gift from God.

00:46:14.470 --> 00:46:15.900
And I truly believe that.

00:46:17.071 --> 00:46:19.904
(crowd murmuring)

00:46:27.100 --> 00:46:29.233
I don\'t miss the church,

00:46:30.550 --> 00:46:34.849
but because I am religious in my own way,

00:46:34.850 --> 00:46:36.283
and I believe in God,

00:46:38.048 --> 00:46:40.999
eventually, I wanna seek out a community

00:46:41.000 --> 00:46:42.833
of like-minded individuals.

00:46:44.505 --> 00:46:45.759
(soft music)

00:46:45.760 --> 00:46:47.169
There\'s a heavy reliance

00:46:47.170 --> 00:46:49.973
on building community
and the gay community.

00:46:50.950 --> 00:46:53.289
It was about safety at first, right?

00:46:53.290 --> 00:46:55.150
Like to protect themselves

00:46:56.830 --> 00:47:00.229
But, it\'s become much more than that.

00:47:00.230 --> 00:47:02.674
You know, it\'s really
become a responsibility

00:47:02.675 --> 00:47:05.469
that you have to each other,

00:47:05.470 --> 00:47:07.203
to take care of each other.

00:47:08.550 --> 00:47:11.859
So I don\'t feel like I
need the Catholic church

00:47:11.860 --> 00:47:14.310
to have a community because
I have one of my own.

00:47:17.320 --> 00:47:20.669
I want to join a congregation of people

00:47:20.670 --> 00:47:23.499
who believe in God, believe in Jesus.

00:47:23.500 --> 00:47:25.840
And also believe that God and Jesus

00:47:27.060 --> 00:47:30.923
loves them and made them
the way that they are.

00:47:34.235 --> 00:47:35.235
- Oh, my baby, oh.

00:47:43.494 --> 00:47:46.161
(feet clomping)

00:48:01.660 --> 00:48:03.439
- Being Muslim in America,

00:48:03.440 --> 00:48:05.289
it\'s difficult.

00:48:05.290 --> 00:48:09.073
A lot of people, they see
the worst images possible.

00:48:12.420 --> 00:48:14.469
Some of it\'s true, but I can say

00:48:14.470 --> 00:48:17.909
that 99% of it isn\'t.

00:48:17.910 --> 00:48:21.090
And the things that
happen are really the 1%.

00:48:23.500 --> 00:48:27.169
It\'s even harder to be a Muslim family

00:48:27.170 --> 00:48:29.289
and explain to your children

00:48:29.290 --> 00:48:32.266
what it is, because you
know, they\'re thinking,

00:48:32.267 --> 00:48:36.609
\"well, why are you explaining
it to me like this, I know,\"

00:48:36.610 --> 00:48:37.889
but you have to keep telling them

00:48:37.890 --> 00:48:41.623
because there\'s so much
negativity about Islam.

00:48:45.350 --> 00:48:46.573
If I wasn\'t a Muslim,

00:48:48.240 --> 00:48:50.729
I think my life would be a lot different.

00:48:50.730 --> 00:48:53.979
I feel like right now, when I have Islam,

00:48:53.980 --> 00:48:57.769
I feel like, I\'m worth
something, you know.

00:48:57.770 --> 00:49:00.187
(soft music)

00:49:14.570 --> 00:49:19.329
There are many values in Islam
that I believe in strongly.

00:49:19.330 --> 00:49:24.330
To be respectful, to be
peaceful, to not judge people.

00:49:27.050 --> 00:49:30.913
Islam is about peace and
it\'s about acceptance.

00:49:34.460 --> 00:49:38.109
I want my children to
know that there is a God.

00:49:38.110 --> 00:49:40.560
They have to believe that
there\'s a higher power.

00:49:42.570 --> 00:49:45.073
And I feel like God\'s
always watching over me.

00:49:46.410 --> 00:49:47.663
He\'s always there.

00:49:48.912 --> 00:49:51.329
(soft music)

00:49:53.280 --> 00:49:55.949
- I\'ve always seen a
difference between the concept

00:49:55.950 --> 00:49:58.763
of God and the concept of a higher power.

00:50:00.300 --> 00:50:01.399
There is definitely something

00:50:01.400 --> 00:50:04.110
more than just the biological element

00:50:04.111 --> 00:50:07.369
of cells reproducing and we\'re all made up

00:50:07.370 --> 00:50:10.933
of the same substance because
there\'s still that spark.

00:50:12.200 --> 00:50:15.509
We all came from a single cell

00:50:15.510 --> 00:50:17.639
billions and billions of years ago.

00:50:17.640 --> 00:50:21.959
And if you had the most crazy
elaborate map of all time

00:50:21.960 --> 00:50:26.239
you would see one cell
becoming multi-celled organism

00:50:26.240 --> 00:50:27.613
growing into all of us.

00:50:28.910 --> 00:50:31.299
I do believe in a connectedness

00:50:31.300 --> 00:50:36.300
that unites us and plants and for he star,

00:50:37.230 --> 00:50:38.493
it connects all of us.

00:50:43.190 --> 00:50:44.729
I plan on getting married someday,

00:50:44.730 --> 00:50:46.380
when you know, the time is right.

00:50:47.410 --> 00:50:51.233
I\'m not gonna care, you
know what religion they are.

00:50:52.970 --> 00:50:55.299
\'Cause I know that when I find someone

00:50:55.300 --> 00:50:57.069
they\'re not gonna be trying to convert me

00:50:57.070 --> 00:50:59.170
they\'re just gonna accept me for who I am.

00:51:04.610 --> 00:51:06.879
While I was at Dartmouth college,

00:51:06.880 --> 00:51:08.699
I met a woman named Brittany.

00:51:08.700 --> 00:51:09.533
Okay.

00:51:09.534 --> 00:51:10.722
- Cheers.

00:51:10.723 --> 00:51:11.759
- Cheers.

00:51:11.760 --> 00:51:16.193
And we\'ve been together
more or less ever since.

00:51:20.050 --> 00:51:25.050
We are engaged and we are
planning our wedding right now.

00:51:26.280 --> 00:51:27.389
- Maybe we should go to Fonsi,

00:51:27.390 --> 00:51:29.159
you\'ve never been there, right?

00:51:29.160 --> 00:51:31.369
- Brittany was raised Catholic

00:51:31.370 --> 00:51:34.439
and her mother and father

00:51:34.440 --> 00:51:36.413
still attend church every Sunday.

00:51:49.130 --> 00:51:51.499
If a Jewish person wanted to criticize

00:51:51.500 --> 00:51:54.183
me for marrying outside of the faith,

00:51:55.890 --> 00:51:58.299
I wouldn\'t really care, what
they had to say about that.

00:51:58.300 --> 00:52:02.029
Because honestly, it\'s
more important to me

00:52:02.030 --> 00:52:03.369
that I\'m with someone who I love

00:52:03.370 --> 00:52:05.119
and who makes me happy

00:52:05.120 --> 00:52:09.389
than it is to uphold a tradition

00:52:09.390 --> 00:52:12.779
or to follow this rule from a book

00:52:12.780 --> 00:52:14.653
that\'s thousands of years old.

00:52:18.300 --> 00:52:23.060
I care a little bit that my
kids may not be raised Jewish

00:52:25.280 --> 00:52:26.931
Raindrop sound, four letters.

00:52:26.932 --> 00:52:27.932
- Drop.

00:52:29.770 --> 00:52:32.039
- But I ultimately don\'t believe

00:52:32.040 --> 00:52:36.429
that if my kids are raised
Catholic instead of Jewish

00:52:36.430 --> 00:52:40.939
that they will be less
than, what\'s important

00:52:40.940 --> 00:52:44.923
is making sure you raise good people.

00:52:47.550 --> 00:52:48.719
I can\'t wait to see

00:52:48.720 --> 00:52:51.210
a little David Brittany
combo running around

00:52:52.740 --> 00:52:54.373
and brightening up the world.

00:52:58.610 --> 00:53:01.469
- If you think of a picture
frame, what is the framing part?

00:53:01.470 --> 00:53:03.170
What\'s the part, that\'s the frame?

00:53:04.940 --> 00:53:07.579
I really want a job

00:53:07.580 --> 00:53:11.133
or profession that pushes me spiritually,

00:53:12.270 --> 00:53:16.455
intellectually you know, academically.

00:53:16.456 --> 00:53:18.729
(indistinct)

00:53:18.730 --> 00:53:23.730
For the time being teaching
seems to be pushing me a lot.

00:53:26.450 --> 00:53:29.563
Being a teacher is, it\'s a discipline.

00:53:30.440 --> 00:53:33.469
You\'re learning how to cultivate love

00:53:33.470 --> 00:53:35.389
and patience and kindness

00:53:35.390 --> 00:53:39.049
in situations where you
don\'t have that built in.

00:53:39.050 --> 00:53:40.219
You have to build it

00:53:40.220 --> 00:53:44.259
and then you offer that in the classroom.

00:53:44.260 --> 00:53:46.019
And that is so challenging.

00:53:46.020 --> 00:53:47.020
Good job guys.

00:53:49.264 --> 00:53:52.723
They need you to help them access peace.

00:53:56.600 --> 00:53:58.259
Sometimes when I really don\'t want to get

00:53:58.260 --> 00:54:01.479
out of bed, \"I\'m like, what is my purpose,

00:54:01.480 --> 00:54:03.997
and how can I live my purpose today?\"

00:54:07.370 --> 00:54:09.769
And then just by answering that question

00:54:09.770 --> 00:54:13.139
I feel like, motivated to go and serve

00:54:13.140 --> 00:54:14.763
and do something for the world.

00:54:15.932 --> 00:54:18.879
(soft music)

00:54:18.880 --> 00:54:20.186
I wanna go to school

00:54:20.187 --> 00:54:22.249
and I wanna have a career.

00:54:22.250 --> 00:54:25.707
I wanna live a conventional life

00:54:30.530 --> 00:54:32.483
and then just give it up.

00:54:33.760 --> 00:54:35.824
Nothing lasts forever.

00:54:35.825 --> 00:54:38.242
(soft music)

00:54:42.940 --> 00:54:46.073
- I used to be really afraid of death.

00:54:48.290 --> 00:54:50.479
Because I didn\'t know what\'s gonna happen.

00:54:50.480 --> 00:54:52.399
And I still don\'t know
what\'s gonna happen.

00:54:52.400 --> 00:54:55.299
But in some ways I think that I\'ve come

00:54:55.300 --> 00:54:57.555
to terms with it, \'cause I think

00:54:57.556 --> 00:55:00.079
that the worst thing that could
happen, you could just die.

00:55:00.080 --> 00:55:01.143
And that\'s the end.

00:55:02.270 --> 00:55:05.907
I really like if there was
some kind of life after death.

00:55:05.908 --> 00:55:08.379
(soft music)

00:55:08.380 --> 00:55:12.103
Life wouldn\'t seem so
finite and so fragile.

00:55:14.160 --> 00:55:15.699
I think a lot of pagans believe

00:55:15.700 --> 00:55:20.299
in rebirth and the circle of life.

00:55:20.300 --> 00:55:22.123
And I think that would be great.

00:55:23.510 --> 00:55:26.729
But I don\'t believe,
that that\'s gonna happen

00:55:26.730 --> 00:55:29.237
because I can\'t say that
that\'s gonna happen.

00:55:30.730 --> 00:55:31.730
I\'m fanatic.

00:55:35.290 --> 00:55:37.803
My mom was sick for a long time.

00:55:39.350 --> 00:55:41.639
She was diagnosed with cancer

00:55:41.640 --> 00:55:46.323
for the first time when I was
11 and she died when I was 22.

00:55:47.310 --> 00:55:50.519
So she was sick, half of the time

00:55:50.520 --> 00:55:52.033
that I got with her.

00:55:55.410 --> 00:55:57.059
Before my mom died,

00:55:57.060 --> 00:56:02.060
I asked her what she thought
happened when one dies.

00:56:02.819 --> 00:56:05.759
(soft music)

00:56:05.760 --> 00:56:09.209
And she told me that
experiencing the world

00:56:09.210 --> 00:56:12.820
through her own consciousness was real

00:56:13.690 --> 00:56:17.030
but it was also sort of an illusion.

00:56:17.031 --> 00:56:19.448
(soft music)

00:56:20.540 --> 00:56:24.009
When she was born into
her own consciousness,

00:56:24.010 --> 00:56:27.633
she was separated from everything else.

00:56:30.990 --> 00:56:33.040
And she believed that when she died

00:56:34.070 --> 00:56:36.143
she would be losing the Susan,

00:56:37.030 --> 00:56:41.383
but that she would be going
home to everything that she had.

00:56:42.400 --> 00:56:47.023
She had been disconnected with
in starting her human life.

00:56:47.024 --> 00:56:49.441
(soft music)

00:56:57.940 --> 00:57:01.359
If I think about all of the spiritual

00:57:01.360 --> 00:57:05.339
and religious influences
that I have experienced

00:57:05.340 --> 00:57:10.340
in growing up, my mom was the
greatest spiritual influence.

00:57:13.780 --> 00:57:18.780
And, because she believed

00:57:18.970 --> 00:57:21.093
that she was going home when she died,

00:57:22.500 --> 00:57:27.500
I think that I also believe
that I\'m going home, when I die.

00:57:27.570 --> 00:57:32.570
And, that not only means

00:57:34.230 --> 00:57:38.105
that I get to be with her
again, but it also means

00:57:38.106 --> 00:57:39.669
that that I get

00:57:39.670 --> 00:57:42.583
to be with everything that
I sometimes feel apart from.

00:57:44.028 --> 00:57:46.445
(soft music)

00:58:06.890 --> 00:58:09.249
- The hardest things in life

00:58:09.250 --> 00:58:14.243
for me is to lose a relative, a friend.

00:58:17.150 --> 00:58:21.419
I was taught that material
things are nothing

00:58:21.420 --> 00:58:23.033
but life is everything.

00:58:27.650 --> 00:58:31.799
A long time ago, they sent my grandmothers

00:58:31.800 --> 00:58:33.919
and my grandfathers to boarding school.

00:58:33.920 --> 00:58:36.449
And they made them read a book

00:58:36.450 --> 00:58:38.369
which they had Holy scriptures

00:58:38.370 --> 00:58:40.030
in it which they called the Bible

00:58:40.031 --> 00:58:43.109
and they cut their hair

00:58:43.110 --> 00:58:45.830
and they take away their language

00:58:47.340 --> 00:58:50.853
and they take away
their religious beliefs.

00:58:55.530 --> 00:58:59.509
My theory is when we
conquered US Government

00:58:59.510 --> 00:59:00.953
at Little Bighorn Battle,

00:59:03.260 --> 00:59:08.009
we were introduced to a lifestyle

00:59:08.010 --> 00:59:12.053
that was meant to destroy our way of life.

00:59:12.930 --> 00:59:17.217
Our belief and our young
people are ones suffering.

00:59:22.510 --> 00:59:25.901
I have myself experienced
depression, anxiety

00:59:25.902 --> 00:59:30.519
mental illness, physical illness

00:59:30.520 --> 00:59:32.813
due to the oppression of poverty.

00:59:52.270 --> 00:59:55.103
(foreign hymning)

00:59:58.070 --> 01:00:02.899
Suicide is overwhelming
within American Indians

01:00:02.900 --> 01:00:04.363
at this moment in time.

01:00:08.251 --> 01:00:09.787
And the topic of suicide

01:00:11.500 --> 01:00:14.353
I believe makes our government smile.

01:00:17.060 --> 01:00:21.083
They don\'t have to execute us anymore.

01:00:22.480 --> 01:00:24.080
We\'re actually doing it ourself.

01:00:28.340 --> 01:00:31.509
These two newer graves

01:00:31.510 --> 01:00:34.739
with the fresh flowers two weeks apart,

01:00:34.740 --> 01:00:36.933
my younger cousins both took their life.

01:00:38.960 --> 01:00:41.483
But the two on the other side,

01:00:42.360 --> 01:00:46.143
they\'re early twenties,
epidemic or suicide.

01:00:54.300 --> 01:00:56.513
We are told as Lakota people,

01:00:58.300 --> 01:01:01.950
there are times when an
individual may act upon suicide

01:01:05.320 --> 01:01:07.979
that they will not make it over
to the happy hunting grounds

01:01:07.980 --> 01:01:11.169
until it is their time to
be called home by creator.

01:01:11.170 --> 01:01:13.993
They\'re actually stuck
in a dimension, unknown.

01:01:16.302 --> 01:01:18.719
(soft music)

01:01:28.090 --> 01:01:31.573
At one point in my life,
I attempted suicide,

01:01:33.010 --> 01:01:34.483
and I\'ll be honest twice.

01:01:37.490 --> 01:01:42.490
The first time, the bullet
didn\'t come out of that chamber.

01:01:45.590 --> 01:01:47.323
The second time, the rope broke.

01:01:48.160 --> 01:01:50.577
(soft music)

01:01:59.140 --> 01:02:04.140
And I\'m still in the healing process,

01:02:04.353 --> 01:02:09.353
dealing with epidemics
that were not a part

01:02:11.090 --> 01:02:14.163
of our life before pre-Columbus.

01:02:19.130 --> 01:02:22.559
I would sure want to
come back to that stage

01:02:22.560 --> 01:02:25.869
where we are in good health, happiness,

01:02:25.870 --> 01:02:29.033
we can share kindness
with respect and unity.

01:02:33.247 --> 01:02:34.509
I depend on my grandparents.

01:02:34.510 --> 01:02:37.373
I asked them to watch
over me, to guide me.

01:02:40.920 --> 01:02:42.699
Today I have every opportunity

01:02:42.700 --> 01:02:44.573
to walk forward and see happiness.

01:02:47.640 --> 01:02:49.740
I would like to reach out to young people

01:02:50.600 --> 01:02:53.593
and let them know this world is beautiful.

01:02:54.630 --> 01:02:56.226
There are things to live forward

01:02:56.227 --> 01:02:58.623
and things to look forward to.

01:03:01.214 --> 01:03:03.631
(soft music)

01:03:06.060 --> 01:03:08.009
- The moments where I think about God

01:03:08.010 --> 01:03:12.253
are the moments where, I\'m blessed.

01:03:13.960 --> 01:03:16.571
It\'s usually after a positive experience.

01:03:16.572 --> 01:03:19.655
(instrumental music)

01:03:28.950 --> 01:03:32.350
Where I say, there\'s no way

01:03:33.860 --> 01:03:35.610
that this could have just happened.

01:03:36.980 --> 01:03:39.469
That there\'s somebody watching over me

01:03:39.470 --> 01:03:44.470
and some being wanted
this to happen for me.

01:03:44.916 --> 01:03:47.333
(soft music)

01:03:48.510 --> 01:03:50.139
- We don\'t just exist

01:03:50.140 --> 01:03:53.209
just because, and we\'re not on this earth

01:03:53.210 --> 01:03:57.669
just to eat and sleep
and work and then die.

01:03:57.670 --> 01:04:00.873
No, we\'re on this earth to do something.

01:04:02.810 --> 01:04:05.509
There will be a day when
we will meet our creator.

01:04:05.510 --> 01:04:08.789
And I want my children to
know that their actions

01:04:08.790 --> 01:04:13.510
and how they treat people and
how they treat even the planet

01:04:14.870 --> 01:04:17.879
and everything that they do in their lives

01:04:17.880 --> 01:04:19.420
is gonna matter.

01:04:19.421 --> 01:04:21.838
(soft music)

01:04:25.580 --> 01:04:28.669
- When I think about
everything that brings me joy,

01:04:28.670 --> 01:04:30.393
I feel overwhelmed.

01:04:32.000 --> 01:04:37.000
I love being outside and
feeling the breeze on my skin,

01:04:37.080 --> 01:04:42.080
exercising and feeling the
blood course through my body.

01:04:44.920 --> 01:04:47.740
I think that love is transcendence

01:04:48.780 --> 01:04:53.780
and transcendence is a
feeling that I can have

01:04:53.910 --> 01:04:56.119
when I\'m out in nature.

01:04:56.120 --> 01:05:01.120
When I\'m feeling very connected
with the world around me,

01:05:01.500 --> 01:05:03.883
to the greater spirit of the universe.

01:05:05.080 --> 01:05:10.080
And when I am in love with another person.

01:05:13.140 --> 01:05:17.499
- I think my purpose in
life is to be a good person,

01:05:17.500 --> 01:05:20.659
to live my life by the
values that I respect

01:05:20.660 --> 01:05:23.293
and that I would want
everyone else to hold.

01:05:25.270 --> 01:05:29.403
I don\'t believe in God,
but I believe in humanity.

01:05:31.330 --> 01:05:32.599
And I believe in love.

01:05:32.600 --> 01:05:35.223
And I believe in being
good to other people.

01:05:37.500 --> 01:05:40.843
I believe in doing what makes you happy.

01:05:46.440 --> 01:05:48.839
- Within, there\'s one thing

01:05:48.840 --> 01:05:53.840
that doesn\'t change, that unites us.

01:05:57.660 --> 01:06:00.309
All of us have it, all life has it.

01:06:00.310 --> 01:06:05.310
And it\'s the light that\'s
inside that gives us awareness.

01:06:12.141 --> 01:06:14.669
If we pray, if we meditate,
if we practice yoga

01:06:14.670 --> 01:06:17.494
that\'s the thing that gives us that sense

01:06:17.495 --> 01:06:18.873
of calm and peaceful.

01:06:21.950 --> 01:06:24.703
Something greater is out there.

01:06:26.820 --> 01:06:29.609
- [Julius] There is richness that exists

01:06:29.610 --> 01:06:34.449
on our reservations, spiritual
belief, the practices

01:06:34.450 --> 01:06:35.920
of our ceremonies.

01:06:37.780 --> 01:06:40.649
God, creator, (indistinct)

01:06:40.650 --> 01:06:44.640
the great mystery he is inside
each and every one of us

01:06:45.570 --> 01:06:50.570
yet it is up to us to seek
him out within our own world,

01:06:51.620 --> 01:06:53.143
inside this universe.

01:06:54.054 --> 01:06:57.137
(instrumental music)

01:07:00.181 --> 01:07:02.598
(soft music)