00:00:14.070 --> 00:00:16.300
- [Keagan] The first time that
I remember feeling strange

00:00:16.300 --> 00:00:18.250
or different from other people

00:00:18.250 --> 00:00:20.083
was the first day of sixth grade.

00:00:23.280 --> 00:00:24.780
I was starting a new school and I,

00:00:24.780 --> 00:00:26.840
and I didn't know anyone.

00:00:26.840 --> 00:00:30.010
And I remember feeling
really excited and confident.

00:00:30.010 --> 00:00:31.490
And then I got there

00:00:31.490 --> 00:00:35.310
and I saw this hallway full of children.

00:00:35.310 --> 00:00:37.450
I remember feeling really overwhelmed

00:00:37.450 --> 00:00:39.580
and something felt different,

00:00:39.580 --> 00:00:40.980
than what I was used to, about it.

00:00:40.980 --> 00:00:42.100
Something felt

00:00:42.100 --> 00:00:42.933
scary.

00:00:45.040 --> 00:00:47.440
When I started to push
through this hallway.

00:00:47.440 --> 00:00:49.250
That's when I noticed
that there were these

00:00:49.250 --> 00:00:51.820
little groups of girls all off to the side

00:00:51.820 --> 00:00:53.590
and they had similar haircuts

00:00:53.590 --> 00:00:56.400
and similar backpacks
and similar accessories.

00:00:56.400 --> 00:00:58.210
And then I noticed that the boys had

00:00:58.210 --> 00:00:59.531
all of their little groups,

00:00:59.531 --> 00:01:01.800
neat haircuts and button ups.

00:01:01.800 --> 00:01:03.150
And it was just all really new to me,

00:01:03.150 --> 00:01:04.363
this clicking.

00:01:05.700 --> 00:01:07.570
As I walked by them they turned

00:01:07.570 --> 00:01:08.540
and they looked at me

00:01:08.540 --> 00:01:11.460
in a way that made me feel like an alien,

00:01:11.460 --> 00:01:13.230
it was the way that kids
look at something when

00:01:13.230 --> 00:01:15.620
they're trying to figure out what it is.

00:01:15.620 --> 00:01:17.410
And when I got to the end of the hallway,

00:01:17.410 --> 00:01:18.820
all these kids were behind me.

00:01:18.820 --> 00:01:20.270
And I hear this woman yelling.

00:01:20.270 --> 00:01:21.173
- Young man,

00:01:23.080 --> 00:01:24.143
young man.

00:01:25.780 --> 00:01:28.210
Young man, I know you
heard me calling you.

00:01:28.210 --> 00:01:30.053
- I'm not a young man.

00:01:34.621 --> 00:01:36.130
(school bell rings)

00:01:36.130 --> 00:01:38.130
- We need you to come
pick up your daughter.

00:01:38.130 --> 00:01:40.490
She is dressed inappropriately

00:01:40.490 --> 00:01:43.140
and it is causing
disruption at the school.

00:01:43.140 --> 00:01:45.320
- [Keagan] I was sent
outside to wait for my mom

00:01:45.320 --> 00:01:46.693
in the parking lot alone.

00:01:47.590 --> 00:01:49.240
I had no idea what I had done wrong,

00:01:49.240 --> 00:01:51.338
or why I was in trouble.

00:01:51.338 --> 00:01:54.088
(car horn honks)

00:02:03.430 --> 00:02:06.440
- We're gonna go shopping
for some new clothes.

00:02:06.440 --> 00:02:09.140
I'm not going to take another
phone call from the school.

00:02:09.140 --> 00:02:13.500
- I like my clothes. What's
wrong with my clothes?

00:02:13.500 --> 00:02:15.040
- Look, it's time that you start acting

00:02:15.040 --> 00:02:16.823
and looking like a young lady.

00:02:20.590 --> 00:02:21.840
- That was the beginning.

00:02:24.650 --> 00:02:26.617
- [Woman] You really look
like a boy. Do you get that?

00:02:26.617 --> 00:02:28.100
- [Man] Here's your order sir.

00:02:28.100 --> 00:02:29.620
- [Man 2] What do you
expect people to think?

00:02:29.620 --> 00:02:31.042
- [Woman 2] Why are you
ashamed of your body?

00:02:31.042 --> 00:02:31.950
_ [Man 3] Nice to meet you young man.

00:02:31.950 --> 00:02:33.767
- If your a guy
- So your trans right?

00:02:33.767 --> 00:02:36.277
- Can see picture of you like a girl?

00:02:58.150 --> 00:03:00.660
- From everything that I was taught,

00:03:00.660 --> 00:03:04.560
I came to believe that
every single human being has

00:03:04.560 --> 00:03:06.610
masculine and feminine traits about them.

00:03:07.592 --> 00:03:09.150
And it really doesn't have anything to do

00:03:09.150 --> 00:03:12.340
with whether you are a man or woman or

00:03:13.310 --> 00:03:14.710
any other identity.

00:03:14.710 --> 00:03:16.070
It's just,

00:03:16.070 --> 00:03:17.800
those are the traits about you.

00:03:17.800 --> 00:03:20.200
And they happen to create
a certain personality.

00:03:23.300 --> 00:03:24.540
I am

00:03:24.540 --> 00:03:25.960
a masculine

00:03:25.960 --> 00:03:29.433
woman I'm very comfortable
identifying as a woman.

00:03:31.460 --> 00:03:33.510
The most common assumption
about me is that

00:03:33.510 --> 00:03:35.480
I identify as male

00:03:35.480 --> 00:03:38.150
or that I'm in denial about wanting that,

00:03:38.150 --> 00:03:39.083
which is not true.

00:03:39.920 --> 00:03:42.540
I was adopted by my
grandparents from birth.

00:03:42.540 --> 00:03:45.810
So there was a large
generational gap between myself

00:03:45.810 --> 00:03:46.690
and my parents.

00:03:46.690 --> 00:03:51.060
And I was mostly raised by
the traditional southern women

00:03:51.060 --> 00:03:52.013
in my family.

00:03:55.410 --> 00:03:58.673
We all lived in a small
town called Polacka Florida.

00:04:00.770 --> 00:04:02.680
And we lived a really rural lifestyle

00:04:02.680 --> 00:04:05.320
for the earlier part of my childhood.

00:04:05.320 --> 00:04:07.963
My dad went hunting in
our backyard for example.

00:04:08.880 --> 00:04:11.180
The kids that I grew up
around were also a part of

00:04:11.180 --> 00:04:14.280
that culture where tomboy
behavior in young girls

00:04:14.280 --> 00:04:15.560
wasn't just accepted.

00:04:15.560 --> 00:04:17.730
It was encouraged.

00:04:17.730 --> 00:04:18.700
And that's what made that

00:04:18.700 --> 00:04:21.010
social integration shift so abrupt,

00:04:21.010 --> 00:04:22.270
when I hit 10 years old

00:04:22.270 --> 00:04:24.240
and I started a new school.

00:04:24.240 --> 00:04:26.780
I went from this natural fluid existence,

00:04:26.780 --> 00:04:28.220
that was very comfortable to me,

00:04:28.220 --> 00:04:30.160
to being thrown into this

00:04:30.160 --> 00:04:32.760
two gender world that I
didn't know how to fit into.

00:04:59.400 --> 00:05:02.870
The women in my family had ingrained ideas

00:05:02.870 --> 00:05:05.650
on what it meant to be a woman

00:05:05.650 --> 00:05:08.730
and what roles women
were supposed to fill.

00:05:08.730 --> 00:05:11.990
Those ideas came from a
variety of influences,

00:05:11.990 --> 00:05:14.550
such as hyper feminine pride,

00:05:14.550 --> 00:05:18.600
the passing on of antiquated
traditional expectations,

00:05:18.600 --> 00:05:22.573
or living in line with a
system of religious beliefs.

00:05:24.420 --> 00:05:26.270
Regardless of the reasoning,

00:05:26.270 --> 00:05:28.700
they all had the same ideology.

00:05:28.700 --> 00:05:31.173
I was not the appropriate
amount of feminine.

00:05:33.240 --> 00:05:35.990
Me being a young girl that
wasn't quite feminine,

00:05:35.990 --> 00:05:38.220
but also wasn't entirely masculine,

00:05:38.220 --> 00:05:41.343
put me in this gray area
that wasn't acceptable.

00:05:42.900 --> 00:05:45.820
And when I began to see the
lines drawn around me on

00:05:45.820 --> 00:05:47.540
clothing, toys,

00:05:47.540 --> 00:05:49.310
interests, preferences,

00:05:49.310 --> 00:05:51.000
and even behavior,

00:05:51.000 --> 00:05:52.380
I started to question at all.

00:05:52.380 --> 00:05:56.490
And that curiosity and
desire to understand

00:05:56.490 --> 00:05:59.500
was met frustration and annoyance.

00:05:59.500 --> 00:06:01.380
There was never an answer other than.

00:06:01.380 --> 00:06:02.680
- It's just the way it is.

00:06:13.445 --> 00:06:15.960
- I was in a really self-reflective state.

00:06:15.960 --> 00:06:19.000
I was asking myself why I
didn't pursue things sooner,

00:06:19.000 --> 00:06:21.510
why I was afraid to go after
the things that I wanted?

00:06:21.510 --> 00:06:24.100
All the things that you dig
into with yourself as a person

00:06:24.100 --> 00:06:26.985
when you're trying to
be better than you are,

00:06:26.985 --> 00:06:29.970
or closer to the person
that you want to be,

00:06:29.970 --> 00:06:31.280
which led to a lot of conversations

00:06:31.280 --> 00:06:33.330
with a lot of different kinds of people.

00:06:33.330 --> 00:06:36.470
Most impactfully conversations
with other women.

00:06:36.470 --> 00:06:39.800
Where I wanted to start off is with

00:06:39.800 --> 00:06:40.640
discussing each of our

00:06:40.640 --> 00:06:43.890
personal relationships with masculinity

00:06:43.890 --> 00:06:48.040
and how we feel about that as
like a part of our identity.

00:06:48.040 --> 00:06:49.690
- I don't fit into really any of

00:06:49.690 --> 00:06:52.340
the little buckets that
people want to put you in.

00:06:52.340 --> 00:06:54.620
It doesn't have to be a negative thing

00:06:54.620 --> 00:06:55.810
to be in the gray area.

00:06:55.810 --> 00:06:58.170
It's an okay place to be,

00:06:58.170 --> 00:07:00.580
and sometimes it just
takes time to grow into.

00:07:00.580 --> 00:07:01.413
- Unlike you,

00:07:01.413 --> 00:07:03.870
I have not gotten comfortable
with the idea of being

00:07:03.870 --> 00:07:07.220
considered a masculine
woman by other people.

00:07:07.220 --> 00:07:10.220
I found that happening a lot of times in

00:07:10.220 --> 00:07:11.880
my pursuit of relationships.

00:07:11.880 --> 00:07:13.410
Being a competent woman

00:07:13.410 --> 00:07:15.920
should not be viewed as a masculine trait.

00:07:15.920 --> 00:07:19.310
But what would happen is I
would emasculate these people,

00:07:19.310 --> 00:07:22.530
not for anything other than just existing.

00:07:22.530 --> 00:07:26.363
The fact that I know how
to create a campfire,

00:07:27.870 --> 00:07:30.730
should not be seen as
an emasculating event.

00:07:30.730 --> 00:07:32.620
I'm just trying to be in love with you.

00:07:32.620 --> 00:07:33.920
Like let's make out.

00:07:33.920 --> 00:07:37.180
I don't want you over
there feeling uncomfortable

00:07:37.180 --> 00:07:39.970
in your own masculinity
because I can open a pickle jar

00:07:39.970 --> 00:07:40.893
without your help.

00:07:42.100 --> 00:07:43.690
- I like to say my biggest struggle

00:07:43.690 --> 00:07:46.310
is fighting against the
masculinity that was placed upon me

00:07:46.310 --> 00:07:47.930
due to, you know, of course

00:07:47.930 --> 00:07:50.950
me not being assigned the
gender that I wanted at birth.

00:07:50.950 --> 00:07:52.550
I have homophobic parents.

00:07:52.550 --> 00:07:54.320
I could not dress a certain way.

00:07:54.320 --> 00:07:55.720
I couldn't pick out my clothes,

00:07:55.720 --> 00:07:56.853
when I didn't buy clothes that I like

00:07:56.853 --> 00:07:58.510
because I had a job,

00:07:58.510 --> 00:07:59.400
when I did buy clothes that I liked,

00:07:59.400 --> 00:08:00.440
they would throw it away,

00:08:00.440 --> 00:08:02.090
they would burn it to get rid of it,

00:08:02.090 --> 00:08:04.240
or I wouldn't be able
to come in the house.

00:08:05.210 --> 00:08:06.470
- [Keagan] Just wearing girls' clothes,

00:08:06.470 --> 00:08:08.483
doesn't hide my natural masculinity.

00:08:09.370 --> 00:08:12.060
So when I started high
school in a new city,

00:08:12.060 --> 00:08:13.500
my mom

00:08:13.500 --> 00:08:16.840
decided to throw out all
of the clothes that I had

00:08:16.840 --> 00:08:20.020
and replace it with even
more feminine clothing.

00:08:20.020 --> 00:08:22.250
So for the first two years of high school,

00:08:22.250 --> 00:08:24.080
I wore clothing chosen by,

00:08:24.080 --> 00:08:26.163
technically my grandmother.

00:08:27.070 --> 00:08:28.580
Putting me in feminine clothing

00:08:28.580 --> 00:08:31.210
didn't make my masculinity go away.

00:08:31.210 --> 00:08:34.010
It just sent me to a place
where I had to face the

00:08:34.010 --> 00:08:38.170
relentless cruelty that is
high school in what felt like,

00:08:38.170 --> 00:08:40.920
to me, a suffocating costume.

00:08:40.920 --> 00:08:44.240
- The big part for me
was growing up as twin.

00:08:44.240 --> 00:08:47.830
I really didn't get an
option for my identity.

00:08:47.830 --> 00:08:51.730
Our outfits were chosen
until I was in middle school.

00:08:51.730 --> 00:08:53.130
My mom's like you're wearing this,

00:08:53.130 --> 00:08:54.240
you're wearing that.

00:08:54.240 --> 00:08:58.750
And it wasn't until my
sister was in high school

00:08:58.750 --> 00:09:00.930
and where she was just like, I'm over it.

00:09:00.930 --> 00:09:03.700
We're going to be two
completely different people.

00:09:03.700 --> 00:09:05.590
She started dressing more masculine

00:09:05.590 --> 00:09:07.670
and came out as a lesbian.

00:09:07.670 --> 00:09:10.640
And I literally saw someone
that looked exactly like me,

00:09:10.640 --> 00:09:12.350
talk like me.

00:09:12.350 --> 00:09:14.840
And the reaction that
she got from coming out

00:09:14.840 --> 00:09:17.680
was something that I did
not want to experience.

00:09:17.680 --> 00:09:22.680
So I just started to dress
completely opposite from her.

00:09:22.840 --> 00:09:26.770
And I would see photos of her
out with her new identity,

00:09:26.770 --> 00:09:28.930
and she just seems so happy.

00:09:28.930 --> 00:09:30.790
And every photo I saw of myself,

00:09:30.790 --> 00:09:32.710
it just was blank.

00:09:32.710 --> 00:09:33.870
And I realized

00:09:33.870 --> 00:09:35.520
because I wasn't being my true self

00:09:35.520 --> 00:09:39.370
and I needed to finally accept who I was

00:09:39.370 --> 00:09:42.040
and embrace my masculine side.

00:09:42.040 --> 00:09:43.430
And I'm like, this is the time.

00:09:43.430 --> 00:09:45.620
This is where you have to
be, who you want to be.

00:09:45.620 --> 00:09:47.350
- Being in a career for many years,

00:09:47.350 --> 00:09:50.030
where I was required
to wear a uniform that

00:09:50.030 --> 00:09:52.940
accentuated the masculinity part.

00:09:52.940 --> 00:09:54.190
But I used to wear my hair long

00:09:54.190 --> 00:09:55.160
for years and years and years,

00:09:55.160 --> 00:09:58.370
I only cut my hair off
completely about seven years ago.

00:09:58.370 --> 00:10:00.290
And once that happened,

00:10:00.290 --> 00:10:03.610
it was like, sir all day
long, everywhere I went,

00:10:03.610 --> 00:10:07.267
people who knew me would slip
and call me, sir, or man.

00:10:07.267 --> 00:10:09.290
And it bothered me. It bothered me a lot

00:10:09.290 --> 00:10:11.280
because I've never, ever, ever identified

00:10:11.280 --> 00:10:13.420
or felt like anything but a woman.

00:10:13.420 --> 00:10:14.380
- Seven years old.

00:10:14.380 --> 00:10:16.890
And I'm a very hairy little girl.

00:10:16.890 --> 00:10:18.810
And I was getting called ape legs.

00:10:18.810 --> 00:10:22.010
My mom's response was to
normalize the femininities

00:10:22.010 --> 00:10:23.270
shave your legs.

00:10:23.270 --> 00:10:26.120
Well, eight year old girls
don't shave their legs.

00:10:26.120 --> 00:10:29.380
So now I'm being hyper-sexualized

00:10:29.380 --> 00:10:30.780
because I'm shaving my legs.

00:10:30.780 --> 00:10:32.600
And that's what fast girls do.

00:10:32.600 --> 00:10:35.260
Then I've got this contingent
over here that's telling me,

00:10:35.260 --> 00:10:36.600
no, you look like a boy,

00:10:36.600 --> 00:10:40.070
you're, you're not built
like a girl, you know.

00:10:40.070 --> 00:10:42.310
You're just not presenting as normal.

00:10:42.310 --> 00:10:43.143
So I'm being othered

00:10:43.143 --> 00:10:45.503
because of these people's
experience with me.

00:10:50.150 --> 00:10:54.410
- Because the cruelty continued,
no matter how I dressed,

00:10:54.410 --> 00:10:56.490
I refuse to do it anymore.

00:10:56.490 --> 00:10:58.980
I went to one of the few
friends that I had at the time

00:10:58.980 --> 00:11:01.950
and she helped me shave
my head in her garage.

00:11:01.950 --> 00:11:05.030
And then she let me borrow
her little brother's clothing.

00:11:05.030 --> 00:11:07.540
And I knew that this was going
to make things worse for me.

00:11:07.540 --> 00:11:10.680
But if I was going to get
treated negatively anyway,

00:11:10.680 --> 00:11:13.120
then why not at least
look like my true self

00:11:13.120 --> 00:11:14.270
while it was happening?

00:11:15.690 --> 00:11:17.800
After a lot of heated back and forth,

00:11:17.800 --> 00:11:19.810
my mom had reached her breaking point

00:11:19.810 --> 00:11:20.810
and she was giving up

00:11:20.810 --> 00:11:22.280
- Look here. You're on your own.

00:11:22.280 --> 00:11:23.520
All right, I'm done.

00:11:23.520 --> 00:11:25.243
I'm over it. Over it.

00:11:29.380 --> 00:11:31.170
- It was upsetting.

00:11:31.170 --> 00:11:32.220
But at the same time,

00:11:32.220 --> 00:11:34.950
I finally got to pick out my own clothes.

00:11:34.950 --> 00:11:36.820
And that for me

00:11:36.820 --> 00:11:38.053
was liberation.

00:11:45.575 --> 00:11:47.850
And it did get worse for awhile.

00:11:47.850 --> 00:11:51.220
Girls would hide themselves
in the locker room

00:11:51.220 --> 00:11:52.093
when I came in.

00:11:53.130 --> 00:11:56.180
Going to the bathroom was
always embarrassing in some way,

00:11:56.180 --> 00:11:58.830
so I would try to hold it, all day.,

00:11:58.830 --> 00:12:00.610
until I got home.

00:12:00.610 --> 00:12:02.520
And there was a group of boys that would

00:12:02.520 --> 00:12:05.033
pay each other to do cruel things to me.

00:12:15.310 --> 00:12:17.570
And then another group would spit on me

00:12:17.570 --> 00:12:20.070
from the second floor if
I walked underneath them.

00:12:25.010 --> 00:12:27.780
There were often hate notes
shoved into my locker.

00:12:27.780 --> 00:12:29.880
And some of them were threatening.

00:12:29.880 --> 00:12:31.940
Because I was followed home sometimes,

00:12:31.940 --> 00:12:33.653
I took them very seriously.

00:12:36.000 --> 00:12:38.860
Thankfully, I was never a suicidal person.

00:12:38.860 --> 00:12:40.853
I'm very fortunate in that way,

00:12:42.010 --> 00:12:44.100
but I was deeply afraid that

00:12:44.100 --> 00:12:46.403
someone was going to
kill me during that time.

00:12:48.190 --> 00:12:52.160
- I was fighting my whole
attraction for women

00:12:52.160 --> 00:12:54.830
and trying so hard to be straight

00:12:54.830 --> 00:12:56.120
and have a boyfriend

00:12:56.120 --> 00:12:58.880
and do all the things that
girls were supposed to do

00:12:58.880 --> 00:13:02.400
and really hating myself,

00:13:02.400 --> 00:13:03.890
inside,

00:13:03.890 --> 00:13:07.480
to the point that the
behaviors got self-destructive

00:13:08.360 --> 00:13:09.700
and I had to come out.

00:13:09.700 --> 00:13:11.140
I just had to tell my family,

00:13:11.140 --> 00:13:12.650
it's like, I've got to do this

00:13:12.650 --> 00:13:14.903
because if I don't, I'm
going to kill myself.

00:13:20.670 --> 00:13:22.760
- [Narrator] The Centers for
Disease Control and Prevention

00:13:22.760 --> 00:13:24.240
finds suicide to be

00:13:24.240 --> 00:13:28.010
the second leading cause of
death in 15 to 19 year olds,

00:13:28.010 --> 00:13:30.690
only beat by accidental injuries.

00:13:30.690 --> 00:13:33.800
The numbers of these
suicides have been growing.

00:13:33.800 --> 00:13:34.633
A 2019

00:13:34.633 --> 00:13:35.466
CDC

00:13:35.466 --> 00:13:36.420
report shows

00:13:36.420 --> 00:13:41.020
a 76% increase in
adolescent suicide deaths

00:13:41.020 --> 00:13:42.160
from 2007

00:13:42.160 --> 00:13:44.180
to 2017.

00:13:44.180 --> 00:13:48.640
That's after the rate had held
steady for seven years prior.

00:13:48.640 --> 00:13:51.060
So what are teens saying?

00:13:51.060 --> 00:13:54.750
The CDC surveys a subset of
high schoolers nationwide

00:13:54.750 --> 00:13:55.850
every two years,

00:13:55.850 --> 00:13:57.920
asking them to anonymously answer

00:13:57.920 --> 00:14:00.520
the Youth Risk Behavior Survey,

00:14:00.520 --> 00:14:02.940
questions like, have you
ever smoked a cigarette?

00:14:02.940 --> 00:14:06.500
To Have you ever planned a suicide?

00:14:06.500 --> 00:14:09.930
15% of high schoolers in
2019 said they'd been bullied

00:14:09.930 --> 00:14:12.500
by text or over social media.

00:14:12.500 --> 00:14:15.900
And even more kids were bullied at school.

00:14:15.900 --> 00:14:17.490
Nearly one in five said

00:14:17.490 --> 00:14:19.600
they'd seriously considered suicide,

00:14:19.600 --> 00:14:21.470
with just under one in 10 answering

00:14:21.470 --> 00:14:23.630
they'd actually made the attempt.

00:14:23.630 --> 00:14:26.100
And when you isolate the
responses from students who

00:14:26.100 --> 00:14:29.690
identify themselves as
lesbian, gay, or bisexual,

00:14:29.690 --> 00:14:32.920
these percentages are higher
in all of those categories.

00:14:32.920 --> 00:14:36.010
And that doesn't cover students
who might be transgender

00:14:36.010 --> 00:14:38.950
or non-binary, the survey
doesn't ask students

00:14:38.950 --> 00:14:41.450
about their gender identities.

00:14:41.450 --> 00:14:46.380
66% of LGB students reported
feeling sad or hopeless almost

00:14:46.380 --> 00:14:48.870
every day for two or more weeks in a row,

00:14:48.870 --> 00:14:51.980
compared to 32% of their straight peers.

00:14:51.980 --> 00:14:55.030
Almost half of gay or
bisexual high schoolers said

00:14:55.030 --> 00:14:57.660
they'd seriously considered
attempting suicide

00:14:57.660 --> 00:14:59.280
during the last year.

00:14:59.280 --> 00:15:00.950
And nearly a quarter of them said

00:15:00.950 --> 00:15:02.750
they'd attempted to kill themselves.

00:15:09.080 --> 00:15:10.860
- [Keagan] Once I did have
the option to dress myself,

00:15:10.860 --> 00:15:12.470
I did go off the deep end a little bit,

00:15:12.470 --> 00:15:13.960
experimenting around,

00:15:13.960 --> 00:15:16.700
which infuriated my mother.

00:15:16.700 --> 00:15:19.750
She could barely look
at me most of the time.

00:15:19.750 --> 00:15:21.900
And she would get in these fits of anger

00:15:21.900 --> 00:15:23.390
where she would express feeling like

00:15:23.390 --> 00:15:25.214
I was doing this just to hurt her.

00:15:25.214 --> 00:15:27.297
- I don't understand you.

00:15:28.480 --> 00:15:31.030
I don't know why you're doing this to me.

00:15:31.030 --> 00:15:31.980
- [Keagan] I felt

00:15:31.980 --> 00:15:34.330
entirely alienated from my family.

00:15:34.330 --> 00:15:36.370
They always seem to be
discussing this phase

00:15:36.370 --> 00:15:37.410
that I was going through

00:15:37.410 --> 00:15:40.170
and how embarrassing that was for them.

00:15:40.170 --> 00:15:42.200
When they did speak to me,

00:15:42.200 --> 00:15:43.630
it was just belittlement.

00:15:43.630 --> 00:15:46.360
- It's a shame you're hiding
how beautiful you are.

00:15:46.360 --> 00:15:48.850
- I can't believe what you get away with.

00:15:48.850 --> 00:15:49.770
You're spoiled.

00:15:49.770 --> 00:15:52.730
- You should grow your hair out long,

00:15:52.730 --> 00:15:53.980
like it's supposed to be.

00:15:55.637 --> 00:15:58.800
- I want to talk about how it feels

00:15:58.800 --> 00:16:00.920
to have someone say to you,

00:16:00.920 --> 00:16:02.240
if you could just do this,

00:16:02.240 --> 00:16:03.940
or if you could just be this,

00:16:03.940 --> 00:16:05.380
if you could just conform,

00:16:05.380 --> 00:16:07.530
everything would be fine,
everything would be better.

00:16:07.530 --> 00:16:08.650
People would love you more,

00:16:08.650 --> 00:16:09.483
they would accept you more,

00:16:09.483 --> 00:16:10.330
they would like you more,

00:16:10.330 --> 00:16:12.290
your life would be less difficult.

00:16:12.290 --> 00:16:15.680
What does that feel like to
have someone say that to you?

00:16:15.680 --> 00:16:18.220
- At the height of my
career I had amazing friends

00:16:18.220 --> 00:16:21.480
and I would send my mom,
you know, photos of me

00:16:21.480 --> 00:16:22.790
and just updating her.

00:16:22.790 --> 00:16:24.620
And it would always be

00:16:24.620 --> 00:16:26.820
why couldn't you wear her hair like this?

00:16:26.820 --> 00:16:27.820
Why can't you just,

00:16:27.820 --> 00:16:29.860
were are the earrings at?

00:16:29.860 --> 00:16:31.770
And I'm thinking to myself,

00:16:31.770 --> 00:16:35.310
I'm successful in my career,
successful with my friends.

00:16:35.310 --> 00:16:37.220
I'm not locked up anywhere.

00:16:37.220 --> 00:16:39.050
I'm healthy, happy.

00:16:39.050 --> 00:16:42.470
And it's still that one
thing that she needs.

00:16:42.470 --> 00:16:43.750
It's like you reached the top

00:16:43.750 --> 00:16:46.040
and then you just get
kicked right back down..

00:16:46.040 --> 00:16:46.873
- When they say, well,

00:16:46.873 --> 00:16:48.990
if you would just put some makeup on

00:16:48.990 --> 00:16:50.900
or you would just wear a dress,

00:16:50.900 --> 00:16:53.420
or if you would grow
your hair out, you know,

00:16:53.420 --> 00:16:56.410
then that's telling me
that I'm not good enough.

00:16:56.410 --> 00:16:59.010
I'm not good enough just like I am.

00:16:59.010 --> 00:16:59.843
It's very demeaning.

00:16:59.843 --> 00:17:02.050
And, and, and I can honestly say

00:17:02.050 --> 00:17:03.480
even at my age,

00:17:03.480 --> 00:17:04.523
it still hurts.

00:17:06.560 --> 00:17:08.750
- This is when I started connecting that

00:17:08.750 --> 00:17:12.910
regardless of sexual orientation,
ethnicity, or status,

00:17:12.910 --> 00:17:17.010
our society reacts uncomfortably
to women who exhibit

00:17:17.010 --> 00:17:21.340
what is considered too much
masculinity in whatever form.

00:17:21.340 --> 00:17:22.800
The assumptions placed on women

00:17:22.800 --> 00:17:25.380
who are considered to be
too masculine are damaging

00:17:25.380 --> 00:17:28.650
such as all masculine women are lesbians

00:17:28.650 --> 00:17:30.930
as if all lesbians look the same.

00:17:30.930 --> 00:17:33.950
If masculine women do
happen to be lesbians,

00:17:33.950 --> 00:17:35.570
it's assumed that they are taking

00:17:35.570 --> 00:17:37.820
the role of a man in their relationship,

00:17:37.820 --> 00:17:40.770
which set out loud has to
make very little sense.

00:17:40.770 --> 00:17:42.900
There is no man in the relationship,

00:17:42.900 --> 00:17:45.713
hence it being a lesbian relationship.

00:17:46.560 --> 00:17:48.540
Another frustrating assumption,

00:17:48.540 --> 00:17:51.130
if you're to a masculine female,

00:17:51.130 --> 00:17:53.470
you should also be attracted to men,

00:17:53.470 --> 00:17:56.140
as if there's no
difference between the two.

00:17:56.140 --> 00:17:58.970
Which is basically
assuming that personality,

00:17:58.970 --> 00:18:01.580
anatomy and emotional connection,

00:18:01.580 --> 00:18:04.070
or all outweighed by outward appearance

00:18:04.070 --> 00:18:06.100
when it comes to a relationship.

00:18:06.100 --> 00:18:07.490
These assumptions are senseless

00:18:07.490 --> 00:18:10.070
and they extend to every
woman who isn't considered

00:18:10.070 --> 00:18:11.833
the appropriate amount of feminine.

00:18:14.370 --> 00:18:15.530
- [Narrator] An example,

00:18:15.530 --> 00:18:18.880
women who have some stereotypical
masculine traits competing

00:18:18.880 --> 00:18:21.270
against other women in sports.

00:18:21.270 --> 00:18:23.020
You've probably seen headlines about

00:18:23.020 --> 00:18:26.970
South African Olympic track
champion Caster Semenya.

00:18:26.970 --> 00:18:28.630
She's been under a microscope

00:18:28.630 --> 00:18:31.300
and the subject of court cases for years

00:18:31.300 --> 00:18:34.170
because she has naturally
higher testosterone levels

00:18:34.170 --> 00:18:37.000
than what's been deemed
standard for females.

00:18:37.000 --> 00:18:38.380
Back when she was a teenager,

00:18:38.380 --> 00:18:40.041
she was accused of being a man

00:18:40.041 --> 00:18:43.180
and made to take a sex determination test

00:18:43.180 --> 00:18:45.730
as reported by the New York Times.

00:18:45.730 --> 00:18:48.300
The Swiss Supreme Court ruled in 2018

00:18:48.300 --> 00:18:49.990
women like Semenya would have to take

00:18:49.990 --> 00:18:51.710
hormone suppressing drugs in order

00:18:51.710 --> 00:18:53.750
to compete in women's races.

00:18:53.750 --> 00:18:56.930
Track officials argued
she was biologically male,

00:18:56.930 --> 00:18:58.070
a statement, she said,

00:18:58.070 --> 00:19:00.060
hurt more than she could put into words,

00:19:00.060 --> 00:19:02.670
according to the Associated Press.

00:19:02.670 --> 00:19:04.500
This highlights that the world of sports,

00:19:04.500 --> 00:19:06.900
like so many organizations in the world,

00:19:06.900 --> 00:19:09.548
is split up into male and female camps.

00:19:09.548 --> 00:19:13.070
When lots of people don't
fit neatly into one of those,

00:19:13.070 --> 00:19:15.490
whether that's because
of their hormone levels

00:19:15.490 --> 00:19:16.980
or chromosomes,

00:19:16.980 --> 00:19:19.790
maybe they have genitalia
that isn't typically male

00:19:19.790 --> 00:19:20.784
or female,

00:19:20.784 --> 00:19:23.860
maybe they're transgender,
a separate issue,

00:19:23.860 --> 00:19:27.330
or maybe things don't
look the way so many of us

00:19:27.330 --> 00:19:29.363
have been conditioned to expect.

00:19:31.610 --> 00:19:33.090
- In response to masculinity,

00:19:33.090 --> 00:19:36.090
women are often met with belittlement,

00:19:36.090 --> 00:19:39.530
assumption, ridicule, and cruelty.

00:19:39.530 --> 00:19:43.060
Their identity as women
becomes questioned.

00:19:43.060 --> 00:19:44.250
And that is

00:19:44.250 --> 00:19:47.320
definitely what happened to me
and what still happens to me.

00:19:47.320 --> 00:19:49.150
- So like, are you a boy or a girl?

00:19:49.150 --> 00:19:50.090
- Do you get that a lot?

00:19:50.090 --> 00:19:51.150
- Nice to meet you young, man,

00:19:51.150 --> 00:19:51.983
- Here's your order, sir?

00:19:51.983 --> 00:19:52.816
- What can I get you, sir?

00:19:52.816 --> 00:19:53.649
- Here you go, sir.

00:19:53.649 --> 00:19:55.620
- Oh, this is the women's restroom.

00:19:55.620 --> 00:19:58.250
- Why don't you just,
you know, male identify?

00:19:58.250 --> 00:19:59.980
- Are you like transitioning?

00:19:59.980 --> 00:20:01.150
- You don't want to be a man?

00:20:01.150 --> 00:20:01.983
- Such a waste.

00:20:01.983 --> 00:20:03.550
- You really would be a beautiful woman.

00:20:03.550 --> 00:20:05.450
- You would make such a hot guy.

00:20:05.450 --> 00:20:08.610
- If you were a guy, I
would be so into you.

00:20:08.610 --> 00:20:10.040
- How many straight
chicks have you tricked?

00:20:10.040 --> 00:20:11.490
- Why wouldn't your
girlfriend just date a dude?

00:20:11.490 --> 00:20:12.710
- Why wouldn't you just
use the men's room?

00:20:12.710 --> 00:20:13.723
- You're choosing to look like this.

00:20:13.723 --> 00:20:14.556
- What do you expect people to think?

00:20:14.556 --> 00:20:15.837
- How do you get your voice to be deeper?

00:20:15.837 --> 00:20:17.917
- Do you shave your legs?
- Can I put makeup on you?

00:20:17.917 --> 00:20:19.643
- How long have you been on testosterone?

00:20:19.643 --> 00:20:21.393
- Why are you ashamed of your body?

00:20:23.030 --> 00:20:25.310
- [Keagan] I've gotten violent
reactions to my appearance

00:20:25.310 --> 00:20:26.407
in bathrooms.
- Hey, excuse me,

00:20:26.407 --> 00:20:29.060
excuse me, this is the ladies room.

00:20:29.060 --> 00:20:30.800
What's the matter with
you? You get out of here,

00:20:30.800 --> 00:20:32.770
now you know the difference.

00:20:32.770 --> 00:20:33.603
- [Keagan] Bars.

00:20:33.603 --> 00:20:34.753
- Dude don't touch me.

00:20:36.630 --> 00:20:38.640
- Out of the exhaustion
of correcting people

00:20:38.640 --> 00:20:40.610
over and over and over throughout the day,

00:20:40.610 --> 00:20:43.320
I've chosen not to correct someone

00:20:43.320 --> 00:20:45.080
and then bad things happen.

00:20:45.080 --> 00:20:48.830
I've been physically attacked
manhandled by security guards

00:20:48.830 --> 00:20:50.123
and police officers.

00:20:51.950 --> 00:20:54.150
All in response to me
being assumed as male,

00:20:56.380 --> 00:20:59.430
- You want to look like a
man, I'll arrest you like one.

00:20:59.430 --> 00:21:01.653
it can be and has been dangerous.

00:21:02.800 --> 00:21:06.920
- A blogger recently posted a
video of a lesbian woman being

00:21:06.920 --> 00:21:09.850
harassed by police
officials in a bathroom.

00:21:09.850 --> 00:21:11.770
Apparently these police
officials didn't believe

00:21:11.770 --> 00:21:12.820
that she was a woman.

00:21:13.659 --> 00:21:15.580
- This is a girl, and you
guys are harassing her.

00:21:15.580 --> 00:21:17.104
- I'm a female.
- This is the girl room.

00:21:17.104 --> 00:21:18.747
- Do I have to tell you again?

00:21:18.747 --> 00:21:20.686
- Do you have ID?
- No I do not.

00:21:20.686 --> 00:21:23.087
- Get out.
- But she's a girl.

00:21:23.087 --> 00:21:26.000
- Then out! You got no ID, get out.

00:21:26.000 --> 00:21:27.263
- This is so sad.

00:21:28.372 --> 00:21:30.570
- Put hands on me again, bro.

00:21:30.570 --> 00:21:31.593
- Oh, okay.

00:21:34.015 --> 00:21:35.928
- That is a girl.
- Time to go, sir.

00:21:35.928 --> 00:21:37.333
- So you're saying you have to have an ID,

00:21:37.333 --> 00:21:38.268
to go to the bathroom?

00:21:38.268 --> 00:21:40.210
- We have a situation here where

00:21:40.210 --> 00:21:43.205
the police themselves are male going into

00:21:43.205 --> 00:21:45.230
a woman's restroom,

00:21:45.230 --> 00:21:47.570
harassing the women in the restroom.

00:21:47.570 --> 00:21:49.740
And so they, at this point,

00:21:49.740 --> 00:21:51.123
become the problem.

00:21:53.810 --> 00:21:55.360
- [Narrator] Debate
over needing to regulate

00:21:55.360 --> 00:21:58.890
gendered spaces like bathrooms,
locker rooms, and spas

00:21:58.890 --> 00:22:00.420
has been in the news on and off

00:22:00.420 --> 00:22:02.380
for the last decade or so.

00:22:02.380 --> 00:22:04.730
Sometimes it pops up when
a local government votes

00:22:04.730 --> 00:22:07.530
to ban businesses from
discriminating against people

00:22:07.530 --> 00:22:10.370
based on their sexuality
or gender identity.

00:22:10.370 --> 00:22:12.000
Then people start asking,

00:22:12.000 --> 00:22:14.450
well, what does that mean for bathrooms?

00:22:14.450 --> 00:22:15.550
Back in 2016,

00:22:15.550 --> 00:22:18.610
you might remember North Carolina
State Legislature passing

00:22:18.610 --> 00:22:20.070
a now repealed law,

00:22:20.070 --> 00:22:22.950
requiring people to use the
restroom that corresponded

00:22:22.950 --> 00:22:25.280
with the sex on their birth certificate.

00:22:25.280 --> 00:22:28.120
And while the Obama
administration directed schools to

00:22:28.120 --> 00:22:30.380
let students use the
restrooms that matched their

00:22:30.380 --> 00:22:33.610
gender identities, citing
Title IX protections.

00:22:33.610 --> 00:22:37.070
Trump's administration disagreed
with that interpretation.

00:22:37.070 --> 00:22:40.020
So throughout all these new
laws and reverse decisions

00:22:40.020 --> 00:22:43.400
and debate people tell their
stories of being approached

00:22:43.400 --> 00:22:45.160
and harassed in these spaces.

00:22:45.160 --> 00:22:47.340
Even for just looking androgynous.

00:22:47.340 --> 00:22:49.500
- We've created an environment in which

00:22:49.500 --> 00:22:52.210
if you don't dress like a woman.

00:22:52.210 --> 00:22:54.380
- I said you didn't look like
a girl when I saw you enter,

00:22:54.380 --> 00:22:55.870
so I thought it was.
- A boy?

00:22:55.870 --> 00:22:57.850
- [TV Host] And if you
don't look feminine enough.

00:22:57.850 --> 00:23:00.837
- You know. It's difficult,
you're dressed like a man.

00:23:00.837 --> 00:23:02.550
Of course, you're dressed like a man so.

00:23:02.550 --> 00:23:03.780
- Well then people, men,

00:23:03.780 --> 00:23:05.930
are gonna follow you into the bathroom

00:23:05.930 --> 00:23:09.180
and question whether or not
you're using the right bathroom.

00:23:09.180 --> 00:23:10.910
- I stopped playing sports in high school

00:23:10.910 --> 00:23:14.530
because I was tired of being
embarrassed by referees

00:23:14.530 --> 00:23:15.590
who pulled me off the field

00:23:15.590 --> 00:23:17.570
because they thought that I
was a boy on a girl's team.

00:23:17.570 --> 00:23:19.330
- This is an all girls team son.

00:23:19.330 --> 00:23:20.560
You can't be out there.

00:23:20.560 --> 00:23:22.380
- [Keagan] I was discouraged
from joining the military.

00:23:22.380 --> 00:23:24.410
When I sat down with a recruiter who said

00:23:24.410 --> 00:23:25.690
that I wasn't feminine enough,

00:23:25.690 --> 00:23:28.803
- Just too obvious. If
you know what I mean here.

00:23:29.770 --> 00:23:31.530
- A military recruiter said that.

00:23:31.530 --> 00:23:32.970
And when I looked into colleges,

00:23:32.970 --> 00:23:34.640
the student advisor immediately thought

00:23:34.640 --> 00:23:35.925
all of my paperwork was wrong.

00:23:35.925 --> 00:23:37.730
- It looks like they put
female on all your paperwork.

00:23:37.730 --> 00:23:40.140
Let me go change that really
quickly. You sit tight.

00:23:40.140 --> 00:23:42.090
- I remember thinking,

00:23:42.090 --> 00:23:45.580
this is what the rest of my
life was going to be like.

00:23:45.580 --> 00:23:48.740
- I was running with the
girls at first for awhile

00:23:48.740 --> 00:23:51.200
and came with a lot of heat
running with the girls,

00:23:51.200 --> 00:23:54.240
but it was me doing something that I love,

00:23:54.240 --> 00:23:55.440
me being very good at it,

00:23:55.440 --> 00:23:57.610
being the fastest to my district.

00:23:57.610 --> 00:24:00.010
But then when we go out,
I don't get the run.

00:24:00.010 --> 00:24:01.540
It's always someone,

00:24:01.540 --> 00:24:04.070
it's not fair that she gets to
run against the other girls.

00:24:04.070 --> 00:24:06.680
So of course sometimes
my coaches would be like,

00:24:06.680 --> 00:24:09.241
okay, I don't want to cause any commotion,

00:24:09.241 --> 00:24:12.840
I don't want to disturb the
game, do you mind sitting out?

00:24:12.840 --> 00:24:14.950
And it's like, I'm stuck in a position

00:24:14.950 --> 00:24:17.570
to either be selfish and
want to run for myself

00:24:17.570 --> 00:24:20.900
or not run because everyone
else wants to continue with the,

00:24:20.900 --> 00:24:21.733
with the season.

00:24:21.733 --> 00:24:25.340
I shouldn't have to put myself
backwards for someone else.

00:24:25.340 --> 00:24:27.170
And it made me really, really

00:24:27.170 --> 00:24:29.090
depressed, it put me in a dark space.

00:24:29.090 --> 00:24:32.160
- I started to find it very unsettling,

00:24:32.160 --> 00:24:37.160
how much we are willing to
sacrifice about our own selves,

00:24:37.300 --> 00:24:38.913
our own individual,

00:24:39.760 --> 00:24:43.150
honesty about ourselves
to make other people

00:24:43.150 --> 00:24:44.283
more comfortable.

00:24:45.420 --> 00:24:46.340
I think, I just think

00:24:46.340 --> 00:24:48.360
that that's like what an incredible

00:24:48.360 --> 00:24:49.950
disservice to your own self.

00:24:49.950 --> 00:24:52.720
And not only that, but worse than that,

00:24:52.720 --> 00:24:54.290
it's expected.

00:24:54.290 --> 00:24:57.350
- You want this to be
easier dress appropriately.

00:24:57.350 --> 00:24:59.160
It's not that difficult.

00:24:59.160 --> 00:25:01.710
- I mean you bring this on yourself,

00:25:01.710 --> 00:25:03.123
walking around like that.

00:25:04.890 --> 00:25:06.270
What do you expect?

00:25:06.270 --> 00:25:07.103
- Listen,

00:25:07.103 --> 00:25:09.900
when you choose to look
and behave the way you do

00:25:09.900 --> 00:25:12.300
there are going to be consequences.

00:25:12.300 --> 00:25:14.473
It is what it is. This is just the world.

00:25:15.550 --> 00:25:19.910
- It seems like it's women
passing on advice that they feel

00:25:19.910 --> 00:25:21.540
like is a rite of passage.

00:25:21.540 --> 00:25:23.670
Having to conform yourself,

00:25:23.670 --> 00:25:26.470
having to fit what is expected of you,

00:25:26.470 --> 00:25:29.520
is something that all women
have had to deal with.

00:25:29.520 --> 00:25:31.460
And now you have to deal with it.

00:25:31.460 --> 00:25:34.050
And it's your responsibility to be

00:25:34.050 --> 00:25:35.760
what you are supposed to be,

00:25:35.760 --> 00:25:37.710
and if you're not that,

00:25:37.710 --> 00:25:40.170
then you get no sympathy
for what happens to you.

00:25:40.170 --> 00:25:44.740
So if I lived in a nudist
colony and I, and I never,

00:25:44.740 --> 00:25:45.573
you know,

00:25:45.573 --> 00:25:48.330
if I was raised in like a
nudist colony circumstance,

00:25:48.330 --> 00:25:53.190
I would have never had any
of the problems that I had

00:25:53.190 --> 00:25:55.290
with people being able
to accept me as female.

00:25:55.290 --> 00:25:57.400
It literally was just clothing.

00:25:57.400 --> 00:25:58.470
That was it.

00:25:58.470 --> 00:26:01.170
Every single negative
reaction that has happened.

00:26:01.170 --> 00:26:03.150
Every doubt in me being a woman,

00:26:03.150 --> 00:26:06.030
every criticism about me as a woman

00:26:06.030 --> 00:26:09.180
and having that identity has
all been about nothing more

00:26:10.720 --> 00:26:12.963
than clothing and a haircut.

00:26:14.640 --> 00:26:15.650
And it's

00:26:15.650 --> 00:26:18.740
it's kind of insane when you
think about it like that,

00:26:18.740 --> 00:26:19.573
right?

00:26:21.990 --> 00:26:24.400
I was in line to take my senior portrait

00:26:24.400 --> 00:26:26.760
and the school had given me permission

00:26:26.760 --> 00:26:28.663
to wear the tux instead of the drape.

00:26:29.770 --> 00:26:31.420
And right before I'm
about to take the picture,

00:26:31.420 --> 00:26:32.440
my mom calls me,

00:26:32.440 --> 00:26:33.300
- [Keagan's Mom] I'm just asking you

00:26:33.300 --> 00:26:35.360
to give me this one thing, Keagan

00:26:35.360 --> 00:26:36.960
please for me.

00:26:36.960 --> 00:26:38.800
Wear whatever you want
the rest of your life,

00:26:38.800 --> 00:26:41.373
but at least just give me this one.

00:26:42.870 --> 00:26:45.380
- I'm not entirely sure
why, I guess I felt like,

00:26:45.380 --> 00:26:46.393
I owed it to her,

00:26:47.470 --> 00:26:49.020
but I put on the drape

00:26:49.020 --> 00:26:52.001
and I took the most
uncomfortable photo of my life

00:26:52.001 --> 00:26:53.437
as my gift to her.

00:27:15.620 --> 00:27:16.640
A few months later,

00:27:16.640 --> 00:27:19.490
I came home to find my
mother on the kitchen floor

00:27:19.490 --> 00:27:22.260
with my senior pictures,
scattered around her.

00:27:22.260 --> 00:27:23.483
She was sobbing.

00:27:25.956 --> 00:27:27.289
- I am so sorry.

00:27:29.780 --> 00:27:31.650
I see it now,

00:27:31.650 --> 00:27:32.943
this isn't my daughter.

00:27:37.750 --> 00:27:38.780
- I reached to hug my mother

00:27:38.780 --> 00:27:40.513
for the first time in five years.

00:27:44.860 --> 00:27:46.900
Because of that moment with my mother,

00:27:46.900 --> 00:27:48.060
I believe that

00:27:48.060 --> 00:27:50.080
progress between conflicting people

00:27:50.080 --> 00:27:53.010
happens when you reach a point of empathy.

00:27:53.010 --> 00:27:57.140
Many people can't get there
and I acknowledge that.

00:27:57.140 --> 00:27:58.820
I'm very fortunate

00:27:58.820 --> 00:28:02.210
to have a family that I
was able to get there with.

00:28:02.210 --> 00:28:04.450
- I left home at 15 and I
have not looked back since

00:28:04.450 --> 00:28:05.930
I made that a very, very clear,

00:28:05.930 --> 00:28:07.780
conscious decision to never look back.

00:28:07.780 --> 00:28:08.710
I needed to.

00:28:08.710 --> 00:28:10.710
Emotionally, I could not handle it,

00:28:10.710 --> 00:28:13.110
and it was causing a lot of stress

00:28:13.110 --> 00:28:15.490
and I was having panic attacks.

00:28:15.490 --> 00:28:17.420
- Do you think that you'll
ever have a relationship

00:28:17.420 --> 00:28:18.980
with your parents again?

00:28:20.260 --> 00:28:21.440
- I pray on it.

00:28:21.440 --> 00:28:22.830
I can honestly say I prayed on them

00:28:22.830 --> 00:28:25.360
because nobody longs to just
be away from their family.

00:28:25.360 --> 00:28:26.660
Nobody wants that.

00:28:26.660 --> 00:28:29.640
I really want the relationship with them,

00:28:29.640 --> 00:28:31.720
but I'm not forcing it anymore.

00:28:31.720 --> 00:28:33.490
It's like if it happens, it happens.

00:28:33.490 --> 00:28:34.570
And if it doesn't happen,

00:28:34.570 --> 00:28:35.710
eventually at least I know

00:28:35.710 --> 00:28:38.373
I made a sound decision
for my better self.

00:28:43.600 --> 00:28:45.634
- Now I know that my personality

00:28:45.634 --> 00:28:48.730
and my appearance do not waste

00:28:48.730 --> 00:28:52.260
or erase my ability to
be seen as beautiful

00:28:52.260 --> 00:28:55.593
or render me deserving of
any kind of punishment.

00:28:57.290 --> 00:28:58.360
- What advice I would give

00:28:58.360 --> 00:29:00.940
to younger individuals is

00:29:02.030 --> 00:29:03.660
it takes time.

00:29:03.660 --> 00:29:05.670
Nothing happens overnight.

00:29:05.670 --> 00:29:08.010
You have to experience things in life

00:29:08.010 --> 00:29:11.420
in order to overcome them
and be a better person.

00:29:11.420 --> 00:29:13.000
Like I, even today,

00:29:13.000 --> 00:29:15.250
like I'll find myself
going to lunch with my mom

00:29:15.250 --> 00:29:17.110
and reaching for my earrings.

00:29:17.110 --> 00:29:18.753
And like, I have to stop myself

00:29:18.753 --> 00:29:21.720
because I'm like, no
you have to be yourself.

00:29:21.720 --> 00:29:23.470
If for doing it for someone else,

00:29:23.470 --> 00:29:25.040
it's completely wrong.

00:29:25.040 --> 00:29:26.860
- For my part, if I could tell

00:29:27.710 --> 00:29:30.660
little girl Shavone something it is,

00:29:30.660 --> 00:29:32.560
that is about them

00:29:32.560 --> 00:29:35.560
it has nothing to do with you.

00:29:35.560 --> 00:29:39.510
Remember that you can only
control your own questions.

00:29:39.510 --> 00:29:42.400
You can only control what
it is that's going on

00:29:42.400 --> 00:29:44.480
within the four corners of your body.

00:29:44.480 --> 00:29:46.390
And your life is not

00:29:47.480 --> 00:29:49.910
dictated by other people.

00:29:49.910 --> 00:29:51.220
You get to dictate that,

00:29:51.220 --> 00:29:53.130
you get to be the owner of your life.

00:29:53.130 --> 00:29:56.550
And if gray is comfortable, embrace that.

00:29:56.550 --> 00:29:59.550
- Gain that, that confidence
to look for resources

00:29:59.550 --> 00:30:02.350
and look for a help out outside of

00:30:02.350 --> 00:30:03.920
the people that's around you.

00:30:03.920 --> 00:30:06.440
Don't let your situation

00:30:06.440 --> 00:30:09.300
cause you to really box yourself in

00:30:09.300 --> 00:30:11.060
because that can hinder you from growth

00:30:11.060 --> 00:30:13.350
and progression as well
as healing in the future.

00:30:13.350 --> 00:30:16.740
- If I can say anything to
the younger people right now.

00:30:16.740 --> 00:30:20.443
Any one of you could be
my child or my grandchild.

00:30:21.540 --> 00:30:22.870
I would tell you,

00:30:22.870 --> 00:30:23.703
we're here.

00:30:23.703 --> 00:30:25.710
You might have to look
a little bit to find us,

00:30:25.710 --> 00:30:27.370
but we love you.

00:30:27.370 --> 00:30:29.120
And we want to help you.

00:30:29.120 --> 00:30:30.550
If I could

00:30:30.550 --> 00:30:32.840
prevent any one of you from going through

00:30:32.840 --> 00:30:34.870
some of the things I went through

00:30:34.870 --> 00:30:36.470
and seeing some of, hear,

00:30:36.470 --> 00:30:38.930
hearing all these things
that you've gone through,

00:30:38.930 --> 00:30:40.110
I would do it.

00:30:40.110 --> 00:30:41.760
I would do it, and

00:30:42.760 --> 00:30:45.240
my deepest regret at life is that

00:30:46.210 --> 00:30:48.990
despite everything my
generation went through,

00:30:48.990 --> 00:30:51.050
Stonewall and the beatings,

00:30:51.050 --> 00:30:52.070
I

00:30:52.070 --> 00:30:53.470
so thought

00:30:53.470 --> 00:30:55.220
that it would be different for you.

00:30:56.460 --> 00:30:58.860
I really, really, really, really believed

00:31:00.050 --> 00:31:01.830
that what I did made a difference

00:31:03.230 --> 00:31:05.540
and that you and you and you,

00:31:05.540 --> 00:31:09.085
and you wouldn't have to go
through what I went through.

00:31:09.085 --> 00:31:10.180
That was our job

00:31:11.100 --> 00:31:12.210
was to take it.

00:31:12.210 --> 00:31:13.960
So you guys could all be free.

00:31:20.000 --> 00:31:22.150
- Identity conflicts like these

00:31:22.150 --> 00:31:24.750
tend to come from traditional ideas

00:31:24.750 --> 00:31:27.210
of stereotypical gender roles in

00:31:27.210 --> 00:31:30.180
antiquated man-made definitions of gender.

00:31:30.180 --> 00:31:32.520
These dated definitions
are crashing against

00:31:32.520 --> 00:31:34.630
our modern understanding

00:31:34.630 --> 00:31:37.020
and binary concepts are not working.

00:31:37.020 --> 00:31:39.200
There is no correct version of a woman.

00:31:39.200 --> 00:31:41.920
There is no correct version of a man.

00:31:41.920 --> 00:31:44.060
And continuing that idea

00:31:44.060 --> 00:31:48.660
is stifling the true personalities
of so many individuals,

00:31:48.660 --> 00:31:50.900
but as someone who has
experienced so much assumption

00:31:50.900 --> 00:31:52.920
based on my gender expression.

00:31:52.920 --> 00:31:55.690
I'm relieved that our society
is finally getting to a place

00:31:55.690 --> 00:31:58.310
where asking people how they identify

00:31:58.310 --> 00:32:00.830
is becoming somewhat
of a social etiquette.

00:32:00.830 --> 00:32:02.530
It creates a dialogue for people,

00:32:02.530 --> 00:32:04.930
who have had similar experiences to mine,

00:32:04.930 --> 00:32:07.870
to identify themselves comfortably.

00:32:07.870 --> 00:32:10.370
Every single human being
has a unique personality

00:32:10.370 --> 00:32:13.060
regardless of their gender identity.

00:32:13.060 --> 00:32:15.350
Terminology needs to
be constantly evolving

00:32:15.350 --> 00:32:17.823
because human beings
are constantly evolving.

00:32:18.750 --> 00:32:20.760
Having two very strict ideas of

00:32:20.760 --> 00:32:22.780
male and female in our culture

00:32:22.780 --> 00:32:25.890
is leaving millions of
identities without a place.

00:32:25.890 --> 00:32:28.360
I wouldn't change anything
about who I turned out to be.

00:32:28.360 --> 00:32:30.710
I appreciate being a challenge to what is

00:32:30.710 --> 00:32:32.750
previously been accepted as the norm

00:32:32.750 --> 00:32:36.003
and challenging what women
are and what women can be.

00:32:37.230 --> 00:32:39.110
I feel proud

00:32:39.110 --> 00:32:40.660
to be a woman in the gray area.