00:02.250 --> 00:06.440
We can hear the wind in that one.

00:06.440 --> 00:06.450
We can hear everyone
in the building too.
We can hear the wind in that one.

00:06.450 --> 00:09.550
We can hear everyone
in the building too.

00:12.040 --> 00:17.500
It was like a channel
fired by my imagination, I think.

00:18.640 --> 00:21.150
When I concentrate, I can...

00:22.500 --> 00:26.050
I can understand why I had that feeling.

00:30.300 --> 00:31.950
The neighbours...

00:35.390 --> 00:36.750
Crazy, right?

00:38.100 --> 00:42.100
I could hear people whispering
on the other side.

00:43.640 --> 00:47.750
People whispering
on the other side of the tree,

00:47.950 --> 00:53.450
over 100 yards between here
and that tree over there.

00:53.690 --> 00:55.700
To the railway actually.

00:59.940 --> 01:03.650
Can you hear these sounds?
It goes pop...

01:04.900 --> 01:10.350
I always felt there was a rhythm
to those sounds.

01:10.950 --> 01:15.510
Especially when I spent 5 months
in the hospital.

01:16.090 --> 01:19.050
I began to really know the hospital.

01:19.250 --> 01:24.450
I thought they were sending signals
so I could understand they were there.

01:31.890 --> 01:33.500
It went like this...

01:33.690 --> 01:37.800
And that meant:
"You can't hear us,

01:38.000 --> 01:42.750
"but this is code to say
we're not going away."

01:55.890 --> 01:57.450
What's that?

02:02.650 --> 02:06.200
You can hear everything
with doors like that.

02:07.040 --> 02:10.100
So that did my head in

02:10.300 --> 02:14.650
and I was paranoid they were hiding
up there to watch me.

02:14.850 --> 02:16.750
I went like this...

02:18.550 --> 02:20.850
To hide some of the whispering.

02:21.040 --> 02:23.800
My heart was beating super fast.

03:05.840 --> 03:08.350
5 years earlier

03:15.240 --> 03:16.950
I've just woken up

03:17.150 --> 03:20.300
and I don't particularly feel
like smoking.

03:20.500 --> 03:22.150
I don't know why.

03:23.940 --> 03:26.100
We'll see how it goes.

03:26.300 --> 03:29.150
I hope you had a good night too.

03:30.850 --> 03:32.500
Let's speak later.

03:32.700 --> 03:37.450
I might fall into a coma again,
you know me.

03:37.650 --> 03:42.400
I'll keep you posted, lots of love.

03:48.200 --> 03:50.750
Hi Julie, Mia speaking.

03:51.450 --> 03:54.900
We got back last night.

03:56.750 --> 04:01.700
I know you're not into shooting
that film at the moment.

04:01.950 --> 04:03.450
I can understand.

04:04.540 --> 04:08.300
Call me back so we can catch up anyway.

04:08.500 --> 04:13.850
And call me anyway
cause you know me, I'll start worrying.

04:14.050 --> 04:15.250
Lots of love.

04:33.700 --> 04:35.200
Is that any good?

04:35.850 --> 04:37.200
Very good.

04:42.540 --> 04:46.000
Julie has been my friend
for 20 years now.

04:48.440 --> 04:50.250
She hears voices.

04:53.150 --> 04:56.750
5 years ago,
I was afraid I might lose her.

04:57.500 --> 05:02.550
Afraid she might die
of overmedication, too much smoking

05:02.950 --> 05:04.500
and loneliness.

05:07.690 --> 05:11.400
I thought a common project
would do us both good.

05:12.400 --> 05:14.650
So I took a camera.

05:17.490 --> 05:19.850
Do you wear lipstick?

05:20.540 --> 05:21.850
Hardly ever.

05:22.050 --> 05:23.200
Hardly ever?

05:28.350 --> 05:31.200
How long have you got with me?

05:32.690 --> 05:34.750
One hour? More.

05:35.850 --> 05:38.800
What time have you got to be back?
5 pm?

05:39.000 --> 05:42.050
- Cool!
- I can be with you till 5.

05:42.250 --> 05:44.000
That's cool!

05:52.100 --> 05:54.700
What have you been up to this week?

05:55.850 --> 05:57.350
I ate.

05:57.990 --> 06:02.500
I was careful wih what I ate,
but I put on weight anyway.

06:03.050 --> 06:05.100
I went to the dentist.

06:07.140 --> 06:09.200
To get my teeth cleaned.

06:09.390 --> 06:12.550
I went to the Ob-Gyn
and got a pap smear.

06:12.740 --> 06:16.350
I had a mammogram.
A lung scan.

06:17.040 --> 06:19.000
I had my lungs X-rayed.

06:19.200 --> 06:21.100
That was...

06:23.640 --> 06:25.800
at the cardiologist.

06:29.440 --> 06:31.350
I did tai chi.

06:31.590 --> 06:33.450
I did...

06:36.100 --> 06:38.150
psychomotricity.

06:39.090 --> 06:42.650
I did karaoke. I watched films.

06:43.050 --> 06:45.150
I took a bunch of pills.

06:46.000 --> 06:47.750
That's about it.

06:48.500 --> 06:51.200
And I spoke to my roommate.

06:51.550 --> 06:54.950
And I smoked and smoked...

07:00.800 --> 07:03.350
I'm a leftie Muslim girl.

07:05.350 --> 07:08.350
I drink wine. I eat cheese.

07:09.140 --> 07:10.950
That is allowed.

07:11.150 --> 07:12.900
I drink wine.

07:13.400 --> 07:15.400
I eat pork.

07:17.600 --> 07:19.700
But I do believe in God.

07:21.090 --> 07:25.950
I've been praying 14 times a day
for a year and a half now.

07:32.500 --> 07:34.350
Can we go to church?

08:20.440 --> 08:22.450
My head is up my ass.

08:27.890 --> 08:29.100
Say again?

08:29.500 --> 08:31.150
My head is up my ass.

08:39.440 --> 08:40.850
Take your time.

08:49.100 --> 08:52.850
It was my Mum's birthday
the day before yesterday.

08:55.150 --> 08:57.500
She was born on Bastille Day.

09:05.100 --> 09:07.950
She would have turned 68 this year.

09:13.850 --> 09:15.650
I miss my mother.

09:52.900 --> 09:55.400
I'm relapsing again anyway.

09:55.600 --> 10:00.000
I have been calm for a few days now,

10:00.200 --> 10:03.050
but the relapse has been here
for quite a while.

10:05.890 --> 10:08.200
I can't seem to get better.

10:12.390 --> 10:16.600
When you talk about relapse,
does that mean you hear voices again?

10:16.800 --> 10:17.800
Yep.

10:35.740 --> 10:37.450
Shall we have a break?

10:38.640 --> 10:39.600
No need.

10:39.800 --> 10:42.050
You can tell me, you know.

10:42.250 --> 10:45.300
I'll tell you when I've had enough.

10:54.940 --> 10:58.450
Hi my Mia, Julie speaking.

10:59.490 --> 11:04.300
Call me back please,
I'd like to talk. Love.

11:17.150 --> 11:18.550
That was you.

11:35.990 --> 11:39.450
What have you been doing all day
since you got here?

11:39.640 --> 11:42.950
Tidying up, getting lots of rest.

11:44.150 --> 11:46.950
Seeing how good I feel...

11:49.640 --> 11:51.050
On top form.

11:51.240 --> 11:53.200
I'm on top form.

11:54.540 --> 11:59.200
I allow myself to take care of myself.

11:59.390 --> 12:05.200
I do things I'd stopped doing,
I was letting myself go.

12:07.250 --> 12:12.900
My brother told me some home truths.

12:13.090 --> 12:21.100
Deep down, I know it's true,
but the way he said it was very brutal

12:21.290 --> 12:22.750
for me.

12:26.200 --> 12:29.700
He noticed I was letting myself go.

12:29.890 --> 12:31.450
I do my legs,

12:32.490 --> 12:34.400
do my nails.

12:37.000 --> 12:41.350
I force myself to take a daily shower,
which I find difficult.

12:41.550 --> 12:44.550
I had mentioned that before, hadn't I?

12:45.490 --> 12:47.300
It's a struggle to take a shower,

12:47.500 --> 12:50.800
make my bed in the morning,
have breakfast,

12:51.000 --> 12:52.550
I push myself.

12:57.440 --> 13:01.300
Moving back wasn't too difficult
for you in the end.

13:08.490 --> 13:12.150
You thought it'd be hard
to move back in here.

13:15.240 --> 13:17.700
You've been feeling fine so far.

13:26.000 --> 13:29.000
Did you mother decorate this flat?

13:43.750 --> 13:47.500
Sometimes, I wish things...

13:49.500 --> 13:52.900
happened in my life, but they don't.

13:58.590 --> 14:03.450
I even convince myself I'm pregnant,
but that can't be.

14:07.940 --> 14:11.550
Jules said I was born to be a mother.

14:12.900 --> 14:14.650
"Don't you worry."

14:16.990 --> 14:18.350
Beautiful, right?

14:19.890 --> 14:22.100
Jules only says beautiful things.

14:24.390 --> 14:28.550
One day,
he'd said another beautiful thing:

14:28.740 --> 14:32.750
"It's never too late
to have a happy childhood."

14:34.890 --> 14:36.500
Jules,

14:37.040 --> 14:38.900
my twin brother.

14:42.950 --> 14:46.050
It's nice in the sun, isn't it?

15:09.150 --> 15:10.550
Julie?

15:19.740 --> 15:22.900
- Have you had your coffee yet?
- Yes.

15:23.240 --> 15:25.200
Have you had your coffee?

16:26.950 --> 16:28.800
Aren't you sinking in?

16:29.090 --> 16:31.800
No, just a bit, like you.

16:55.900 --> 17:01.000
Hi my Mia, Julie here.
I hope you're well.

17:01.590 --> 17:03.850
I got your text yesterday.

17:04.590 --> 17:06.750
Yes, I'm getting better.

17:06.940 --> 17:10.750
Things are looking up for me.

17:11.440 --> 17:12.750
There you go.

17:12.950 --> 17:17.250
I think I can see the light
at the end of the tunnel.

17:18.300 --> 17:21.850
For the rest, we'll catch up
over the phone later.

17:22.050 --> 17:23.600
Have a nice day.

17:23.790 --> 17:28.400
A nice afternoon, I mean.
It's past noon. Bye for now.

17:30.800 --> 17:32.250
Is that any better?

17:32.440 --> 17:34.750
I can hear you, it's distorting.

17:34.940 --> 17:36.000
Go ahead.

17:36.190 --> 17:39.150
- Is that any better?
- Yes, it is.

17:39.350 --> 17:40.400
Go on.

17:40.600 --> 17:41.800
Better?

17:41.990 --> 17:43.900
Better, yes. Go ahead.

17:44.100 --> 17:45.750
Is that good?

17:46.300 --> 17:48.200
That's good, yeah.

17:48.390 --> 17:51.050
- There's a bit of a background.
- Delete.

17:54.490 --> 17:59.400
I realised I didn't want
to be out of it anymore.

18:00.540 --> 18:05.950
If I was going to suffer with the meds,

18:06.150 --> 18:08.750
I'd rather suffer without them.

18:09.950 --> 18:12.050
That's the choice I made.

18:12.300 --> 18:14.300
I had a really bad time.

18:14.500 --> 18:16.650
For over a month,

18:16.840 --> 18:18.950
I was puking non-stop,

18:19.150 --> 18:22.250
I was trembling, feeling dizzy,

18:22.500 --> 18:24.800
I had skin rash.

18:27.290 --> 18:29.100
Diarrhea.

18:29.300 --> 18:34.300
It was just like
when you try to get clean.

18:34.650 --> 18:36.750
When you quit drugs.

18:40.750 --> 18:42.550
What is it?

18:48.190 --> 18:50.400
What do the shrinks say?

18:50.590 --> 18:51.750
My shrimps?

18:51.940 --> 18:53.500
Your shrinks!

18:55.100 --> 19:02.050
About going from 20 to 2 pills a day.

19:02.250 --> 19:07.100
It was mayhem, it was crazy.

19:12.040 --> 19:13.700
the worry.

19:15.600 --> 19:20.950
You can't just quit medication.
Not only with mental issues...

19:21.440 --> 19:23.550
You don't just quit.

19:23.750 --> 19:26.000
Your body doesn't get it.

19:26.190 --> 19:30.550
I was well aware of this,
I'd quit medication before.

19:31.940 --> 19:33.550
What else do they say?

19:33.750 --> 19:39.000
They were worried.
They said treatment interruption

19:39.200 --> 19:45.550
could mean that for a while,
nothing special would happen,

19:45.740 --> 19:53.150
but there was bound to be a backlash
and usually a relapse.

19:53.340 --> 19:59.300
And you're going to feel much worse
than when you stopped.

20:00.950 --> 20:02.450
I took the risk.

20:10.440 --> 20:11.900
You're beautiful.

20:29.790 --> 20:33.550
You let me wear that skirt
and you said nothing.

20:33.740 --> 20:34.850
What skirt?

20:35.050 --> 20:39.950
The white one I wore
at Lorenzo's wedding 10 years ago.

20:40.140 --> 20:41.150
So?

20:41.500 --> 20:46.650
Remember that amazing white skirt
that turns into a dress.

20:46.850 --> 20:49.550
I put it on and I was huge.

20:49.750 --> 20:50.950
Huge.

20:51.140 --> 20:55.700
You said I was beautiful,
you even lent me a bow tie.

20:55.900 --> 21:01.650
Sorry if I thought you were beautiful.
If I said it, I meant it.

21:02.140 --> 21:03.650
What can I do?

21:07.350 --> 21:10.600
When I look back at those photos,

21:10.900 --> 21:12.850
I freak out.

21:13.050 --> 21:17.150
I looked at one of them recently
and it made me cry

21:17.340 --> 21:20.400
when I saw the pain in my eyes.

21:20.600 --> 21:23.900
Those eyes were totally empty.

21:24.150 --> 21:25.750
A blank stare.

21:25.940 --> 21:27.250
Like that.

21:27.440 --> 21:29.650
Eyes wide open like this.

21:30.490 --> 21:33.200
Groggy from the pain meds.

21:34.040 --> 21:35.700
Like that, you know.

21:44.490 --> 21:46.350
It made me cry.

21:55.450 --> 21:58.600
Would you rather I said you were ugly?

22:02.440 --> 22:07.700
I'd rather nothing,
but I do ask myself questions.

22:11.600 --> 22:16.550
I can't imagine how you thought
I was beautiful back then.

22:24.500 --> 22:26.400
Hi my Mia, it's Julie.

22:26.590 --> 22:29.700
I hope you are well.

22:30.550 --> 22:36.550
I sent a little heads up yesterday,
I'm not sure you got it.

22:37.200 --> 22:41.950
When you get that message,
give me a call back please.

22:56.390 --> 22:58.800
Did you have a nice weekend?

23:04.850 --> 23:06.750
An eventful one.

23:10.340 --> 23:13.250
I went to a party.

23:15.190 --> 23:21.150
It'd been a while
since I mingled with strangers.

23:25.100 --> 23:27.300
I'd told myself,

23:27.500 --> 23:30.400
if I have a drink,
I'll only have a couple.

23:30.600 --> 23:33.500
That's what I've doing for a few weeks.

23:36.550 --> 23:37.850
And...

23:39.040 --> 23:41.400
things got out of hand.

23:48.340 --> 23:50.850
I feel rather at peace at the moment.

23:51.040 --> 23:54.650
I don't need
to get away from those voices,

23:55.540 --> 23:58.500
get away from my demons.

23:58.690 --> 24:00.850
I feel fine at the moment.

24:01.340 --> 24:03.600
Why do I do it?

24:05.240 --> 24:08.400
Why do I have to do it?

24:11.950 --> 24:17.100
I've had these addictions for ages now.

24:24.450 --> 24:27.800
If you don't blame yourself,
you can't move forward.

24:28.450 --> 24:32.850
There's always a point
when you're gonna blame yourself anyway.

24:43.200 --> 24:46.100
You can't keep apologizing.

24:48.990 --> 24:52.750
There's a when you can't...

24:58.290 --> 25:00.900
At some point, you're the one to blame.

25:01.100 --> 25:02.700
You can't just...

25:04.500 --> 25:07.550
You can't always blame everything else.

25:08.700 --> 25:10.400
That's the problem.

25:26.250 --> 25:29.500
But it's hard to always blame yourself.

25:39.700 --> 25:43.050
I can't miss out on my life.

25:55.640 --> 25:59.200
Do you feel like
you're missing out on your life?

27:30.400 --> 27:31.750
Hi Julie.

27:32.440 --> 27:34.150
It's me again.

27:34.650 --> 27:36.550
I can't get hold of you.

27:36.740 --> 27:41.700
You didn't make it to Alice's do
on Saturday like you promised.

27:43.150 --> 27:48.800
You cancelled our meeting yesterday
and I don't quite know why.

27:51.400 --> 27:56.700
I can understand
you don't feel like meeting up,

27:58.340 --> 28:02.800
but can you at least call me back
just to reassure me?

28:03.000 --> 28:04.500
That'd be nice.

28:04.900 --> 28:06.250
Lots of love.

28:19.900 --> 28:22.400
You were a bit down last week.

28:23.840 --> 28:24.850
I was.

28:29.540 --> 28:31.600
I had to hang in there.

28:39.990 --> 28:44.250
My fight was to get better.

28:44.690 --> 28:48.100
Once you get better,
what's the next step?

28:49.440 --> 28:50.950
What's the story?

28:52.200 --> 28:53.700
You feel lost.

29:00.500 --> 29:03.600
Since I don't really know
the right thing to do,

29:03.800 --> 29:07.500
I don't necessarily find
the right answers either.

29:15.790 --> 29:19.900
And I was also upset

29:22.600 --> 29:24.250
because...

29:34.800 --> 29:36.200
Are you OK?

30:03.100 --> 30:07.350
When you start hearing voices,
it's virtually non-stop.

30:07.540 --> 30:10.800
You can never experience silence.

30:11.000 --> 30:12.750
It's exhausting.

30:13.240 --> 30:18.450
It's exhausting, it's like torture
never to experience silence.

30:22.550 --> 30:25.850
Can you see this view

30:26.050 --> 30:29.400
with small trees and all?

30:30.640 --> 30:33.550
It used to be "the inner circle".

30:38.140 --> 30:40.700
When I started getting ill,

30:41.200 --> 30:43.400
during the first 5 years,

30:44.990 --> 30:49.000
if I wasn't in hospital, I was here.

30:50.200 --> 30:52.550
When I went in my psychosis,

30:53.250 --> 30:55.200
I could hear voices.

30:55.400 --> 30:57.000
Male voices.

30:58.390 --> 30:59.800
I could see

31:01.390 --> 31:04.750
kinds of moving shadows.

31:04.950 --> 31:10.300
They were people sent to watch me
and hurt me.

31:12.490 --> 31:14.600
These people were hidden

31:16.040 --> 31:18.100
by the railway.

31:21.700 --> 31:24.600
I can remember some nights

31:24.800 --> 31:28.550
when I would stand at the window
and scream.

31:29.340 --> 31:31.850
I was insulting them actually.

31:36.290 --> 31:38.750
I was really in pain too.

31:39.800 --> 31:45.200
And I was brave because I thought
there were 6 or 7 of them

31:45.850 --> 31:47.750
trying to hurt me.

31:47.950 --> 31:50.100
My imagination ran wild,

31:51.440 --> 31:55.250
thinking of all the things
they could do to me.

31:59.400 --> 32:01.850
The whole thing was brutal.

32:03.240 --> 32:07.400
I mean the threats I would hear
in those voices.

32:22.490 --> 32:24.200
Look at this.

32:26.150 --> 32:30.150
Today, for example, you see...

32:30.350 --> 32:35.750
I can hear the air, the wind blowing,
the birds singing.

32:36.840 --> 32:40.350
The bustle of the city, the traffic.

32:40.540 --> 32:42.000
The bustle, I mean.

32:45.290 --> 32:48.450
That process took several years.

32:52.450 --> 32:56.600
When I go neurotic on the street,

32:56.790 --> 32:58.750
I hear voices,

32:58.950 --> 33:01.800
and there's movement,
there are people around,

33:01.990 --> 33:03.850
I try to lip read.

33:04.250 --> 33:06.550
Everything gets confused.

33:06.750 --> 33:12.450
It's a frantic jumble of noise.

33:15.950 --> 33:18.200
Things swirl around.

33:18.800 --> 33:22.000
You get overwhelmed
when you hear voices.

33:22.190 --> 33:29.050
You get lost, it's a mess.
All of a sudden, it gets complicated.

33:29.250 --> 33:31.600
That's what I call an episode.

33:44.950 --> 33:48.650
When all my senses are strained,
it's weird.

33:48.850 --> 33:51.450
I'll see a sign on the street, a board,

33:52.440 --> 33:54.150
a billboard,

33:54.350 --> 33:58.600
I'll zone in right away
and focus on it.

33:59.790 --> 34:03.400
So that my brain can switch off.

34:04.940 --> 34:08.500
It allows me to focus back on myself.

34:56.690 --> 35:01.650
I'm sorry I forgot to wish you
a happy birthday earlier on.

35:01.840 --> 35:05.350
I know you don't actually care
but I'm really upset about it.

35:05.550 --> 35:08.200
I'll try and call you back.

35:19.650 --> 35:22.600
She says I'll start on March 1.

35:23.990 --> 35:31.300
I sent her a message a few days
after I spoke to her on the phone:

35:31.890 --> 35:37.600
"I come back to you as I have
no information concerning my start date.

35:37.800 --> 35:43.250
"Please get in touch ASAP via email
so I can get organised.

35:43.440 --> 35:45.000
"Best regards."

35:45.190 --> 35:48.300
She got back to me in the afternoon:

35:48.500 --> 35:49.750
"Dear Julie,

35:50.340 --> 35:53.700
"I do not know what stage they are at,

35:53.890 --> 35:57.300
"but if you have not heard from them,

35:57.500 --> 36:00.450
"that means you are not hired."

36:03.300 --> 36:06.250
I don't think that's respectful.

36:08.400 --> 36:11.150
You can't treat people like that.

36:14.390 --> 36:18.200
If they say no, they say no.
End of story.

36:18.400 --> 36:21.850
But they can't have you hanging on
for 3 months

36:22.050 --> 36:26.750
whilst giving you a start date
and asking how much you want,

36:26.940 --> 36:30.650
and finally saying
"Not my fault, regards."

36:49.500 --> 36:52.750
It's not because you suffer
from mental illness

36:52.940 --> 36:58.450
that they have to put you
on an assembly line.

36:59.790 --> 37:03.450
As in, you're a moron,
that's all you can do.

37:15.750 --> 37:20.100
If I can do a massage like I do today,

37:20.290 --> 37:24.400
that's because I had hallucinations,

37:24.600 --> 37:30.900
because I couldn't trust my senses.

37:31.850 --> 37:35.200
My sense of touch has never let me down.

37:35.950 --> 37:39.150
It brings me back to the real world.

37:39.800 --> 37:42.650
That's how I became a masseuse.

37:43.500 --> 37:47.650
At least, in that, I could trust myself.

37:54.140 --> 37:58.300
I can see how much progress
you're making.

37:58.550 --> 38:01.050
And I must...

38:01.600 --> 38:04.350
I must thank you too.

38:04.790 --> 38:06.450
You're moving forward

38:06.640 --> 38:09.800
and there's something exceptional
in you.

38:10.000 --> 38:12.950
With what you went through in life,

38:13.400 --> 38:15.750
what you give people,

38:16.740 --> 38:20.000
to me there's something extraordinary.

38:22.440 --> 38:26.300
And it's such a beautiful thing,

38:27.650 --> 38:33.150
I think you deserve
to be surrounded with people

38:33.540 --> 38:36.050
who have real respect for you.

38:40.540 --> 38:46.600
You told me that now,
you don't tell your story to everyone.

38:47.850 --> 38:51.400
But people will be watching this film.

38:51.600 --> 38:53.600
It's not the same thing.

38:55.090 --> 38:58.000
I see what you mean,
but it's not the same.

38:59.040 --> 39:01.400
I'm telling you, not them.

39:01.600 --> 39:07.350
When I speak here anyway,
in this living room at Thiély's...

39:10.640 --> 39:12.500
it's a different matter.

39:13.590 --> 39:15.200
Don't you think?

39:17.200 --> 39:19.500
At Thiély's, not your place?

39:22.100 --> 39:24.400
This flat is still your Mum's.

39:25.290 --> 39:30.250
My Mum's place and Patsow,
Wally and Jules' Mum's place.

39:30.900 --> 39:32.400
It's home.

39:36.040 --> 39:38.850
It's not my place, it's our place.

39:41.100 --> 39:44.100
No, I wanna stay with Auntie.

39:46.740 --> 39:50.450
I wanna stay with you too
but you'll be back soon.

39:50.650 --> 39:51.850
No!

39:52.850 --> 39:55.200
Carry me on your back then!

39:55.400 --> 39:58.250
- Hurry!
- Cool!

39:59.850 --> 40:01.150
What a pain.

40:02.250 --> 40:04.150
You're a pain too.

40:05.690 --> 40:07.400
You're a real pain.

40:57.300 --> 40:58.400
I am

41:01.240 --> 41:02.250
with

41:03.140 --> 41:04.150
Mia.

41:06.750 --> 41:08.200
We're filming.

41:08.690 --> 41:12.450
You sent him a video?

41:13.690 --> 41:18.650
I wish you a lovely day.
Thinking of you. Love.

41:18.840 --> 41:20.500
Let's speak later.

41:34.650 --> 41:36.300
"Let's speak later."

41:37.250 --> 41:38.200
"Bye now."

41:42.250 --> 41:43.750
Shame on me!

41:44.750 --> 41:46.850
The things I do sometimes.

41:50.850 --> 41:55.100
Hi honey, Julie on line,
I hope you're well.

41:55.300 --> 41:58.150
Call me back if you can.
Lots of love.

42:44.740 --> 42:47.250
That was the Mazurka just now.

42:49.200 --> 42:52.350
- Did you hear it?
- Of course I did.

42:57.750 --> 42:59.800
You like Chopin as much as I do.

43:00.350 --> 43:02.900
Thanks to who, do you think?

43:04.250 --> 43:05.400
Thanks to you.

43:05.600 --> 43:08.800
I may have had a small part in it.

43:09.000 --> 43:12.600
I didn't really know it
before I met you.

43:12.790 --> 43:13.800
Yes.

43:16.000 --> 43:18.800
I didn't think it'd move me so much.

43:18.990 --> 43:22.250
I played a lot of Chopin in my life.

43:24.150 --> 43:27.150
Before you made me discover it properly,

43:27.340 --> 43:30.050
I didn't think I could

43:30.500 --> 43:32.000
have appreciated it.

44:39.000 --> 44:40.850
Hi my Mia, it's Julie.

44:41.040 --> 44:44.850
I didn't find the time
to get back to you.

44:45.840 --> 44:50.150
Will we manage to speak in the end?
It's crazy!

44:50.350 --> 44:52.100
Call me back, love.

45:01.090 --> 45:03.250
I saw you called.

45:04.200 --> 45:05.600
Call me back.

45:05.990 --> 45:08.050
I'll call you again anyway.

45:08.240 --> 45:14.000
If you can't get hold of me,
I'll be calling you later.

45:24.290 --> 45:28.250
I was a manager twice
for Shakira concert

45:31.050 --> 45:34.050
and NTM concert too,
in the VIP area.

45:35.290 --> 45:39.900
But my 150 euro bag got stolen.

45:42.390 --> 45:43.600
You see...

45:45.690 --> 45:49.050
I can never do job right, ever.

45:53.090 --> 45:54.900
Maybe next week.

46:00.100 --> 46:03.950
I have a job interview
in a residential care home.

46:04.340 --> 46:06.950
Sophie told me about this opening.

46:07.150 --> 46:10.850
The good news is,
there is no diploma required.

46:11.050 --> 46:15.550
They're more into life experience,
character, energy.

46:16.490 --> 46:22.550
When she described the position,
I thought she was talking about me.

46:23.700 --> 46:29.550
What if you had been told a year ago,
you'd be doing all that today?

46:32.890 --> 46:35.000
Would you have believed it?

46:44.740 --> 46:47.750
12 noon in Paris, 10 am UTC.

46:51.490 --> 46:57.450
It's essential to integrate
the whole of the entourage

46:57.650 --> 47:00.100
and explain the illness to them.

47:00.290 --> 47:04.550
You mentioned the entourage.
How did yours react, Julie?

47:04.750 --> 47:09.400
When you were diagnosed
with schizophrenia.

47:10.900 --> 47:12.500
People around me...

47:14.990 --> 47:17.600
People around me didn't get it.

47:18.800 --> 47:21.250
But they did what was needed.

47:21.450 --> 47:24.500
I am French
and originally from Senegal.

47:24.750 --> 47:31.750
My Mum was so worried
that she did listen to her friends,

47:31.950 --> 47:37.800
the people she spoke to
about my change of behaviour.

47:39.150 --> 47:40.450
But...

47:41.690 --> 47:44.200
what came to mind
was the witchdoctors.

47:44.390 --> 47:46.150
Traditional healers.

47:46.350 --> 47:48.400
- Sorry?
- Traditional healers.

47:48.590 --> 47:50.750
That's right, healers.

47:51.140 --> 47:56.550
I went to two psychiatric hospitals
but I saw as many healers, if not more.

47:56.740 --> 47:58.850
I went to see more of them.

47:59.050 --> 48:02.500
We went through different phases.

48:02.740 --> 48:07.700
But the funny thing is,
healers have a placebo effect.

48:07.890 --> 48:11.150
He takes you to a magical place,

48:11.350 --> 48:15.950
and he manages to almost convert you.

48:16.140 --> 48:20.500
It can have a positive effect
on one side, less on the other.

48:22.150 --> 48:28.500
If I've come so far today,
it's because I got support.

48:28.950 --> 48:32.850
I spoke to my friends
about the episodes I had.

48:33.040 --> 48:35.050
They would ask me questions.

48:35.240 --> 48:38.700
They would take me on holiday
when I was a zombie.

48:38.900 --> 48:40.200
And so on.

48:40.390 --> 48:48.000
People around you are key
for you to get further...

48:49.140 --> 48:54.700
Fabienne, what is your message
to help people with this illness?

49:03.940 --> 49:06.600
Sorry I called by mistake, how are you?

49:06.790 --> 49:08.700
I'm fine, how are you?

49:08.900 --> 49:09.900
I'm good.

49:10.090 --> 49:14.100
Hang on,
let me get out of the hospital room.

49:14.900 --> 49:19.200
- You're with Patsow. How is he?
- He's out tomorrow.

49:19.500 --> 49:21.150
He's better now.

49:21.340 --> 49:24.200
The infection was successfully treated.

49:25.290 --> 49:28.050
He has more energy now.

49:28.240 --> 49:29.450
There you go.

49:29.640 --> 49:31.850
He's doing fine.

49:33.000 --> 49:35.450
- What was that?
- He's fine.

49:37.450 --> 49:41.050
Leave it, I'll do it tomorrow.

49:42.340 --> 49:45.750
That's Marie-Véronique, Patrice's care taker.

49:47.600 --> 49:49.100
She's very nice.

49:49.650 --> 49:53.150
- How many care takers does he have?
- Lots of them.

49:55.050 --> 49:57.400
5 or 6 a week, I'd say.

50:03.350 --> 50:05.750
Patrice cannot talk anymore.

50:08.100 --> 50:10.200
Multiple sclerosis means

50:11.940 --> 50:15.350
his muscles are no longer functional.

50:16.850 --> 50:22.050
I'm happy because I noticed
that for a few weeks now

50:23.790 --> 50:29.900
he's been trying
to be understood other than

50:30.100 --> 50:35.200
with the eye movement
that we had set up with him years ago.

50:36.190 --> 50:37.850
Stop laughing at me.

50:43.340 --> 50:47.600
He's on form this morning.
Must be the election campaign.

50:47.950 --> 50:54.200
I've always been with the socialists.
Wherever they go, I go.

50:54.390 --> 50:55.900
This one's the worse!

50:56.090 --> 50:59.800
Don't look at that.
French men are machos.

51:04.140 --> 51:06.500
You're laughing but it's true.

51:07.440 --> 51:10.550
Have we looked at them all now?

51:11.300 --> 51:13.150
Mélenchon, done.

51:15.700 --> 51:18.550
Marine Le Pen, do you want to know?

51:19.600 --> 51:21.600
Can you take it or not?

51:24.200 --> 51:26.200
We don't want to lose him.

51:26.790 --> 51:28.550
Shall I read it to you?

51:31.540 --> 51:32.900
He said no.

51:35.540 --> 51:38.400
Please don't make our life hell.

51:38.590 --> 51:40.300
You said no, right?

51:40.790 --> 51:42.100
You said no?

51:44.050 --> 51:45.150
Here you are.

51:46.050 --> 51:47.550
My goodness!

51:52.040 --> 51:54.150
He doesn't want to know.

51:54.950 --> 51:56.200
He said no.

52:21.000 --> 52:25.000
Is recovery the word
when it comes to schizophrenia?

52:25.940 --> 52:30.850
The psychiatrist I mentioned earlier
said to me

52:31.640 --> 52:33.250
was that

52:33.850 --> 52:40.150
when you're in my situation,
after 20 years of illness,

52:40.340 --> 52:44.150
when you've been deeply affected,

52:44.790 --> 52:48.650
things don't tend to get better
when you turn 40.

52:48.850 --> 52:51.650
Getting better is rather unusual.

52:51.850 --> 52:56.700
And he was rather puzzled

52:59.450 --> 53:01.100
to see me like this.

53:02.150 --> 53:07.500
I was explaining to him
about how I feel about going down,

53:07.690 --> 53:10.600
how I go through these episodes,

53:10.790 --> 53:13.500
and how I can fix myself.

53:13.690 --> 53:17.000
Or how I can get over an episode.

53:17.200 --> 53:20.600
I explained to him that as a child,

53:20.790 --> 53:24.450
when tmy abuser

53:25.050 --> 53:27.050
forced me to do those things,

53:27.240 --> 53:33.450
I was aware back then
of an out-of-body experience.

53:33.650 --> 53:36.900
He told me there was a word for that.

54:11.850 --> 54:14.200
What's it like to be a twin?

54:23.290 --> 54:25.350
That's a good question.

54:28.440 --> 54:33.550
I think it depends on
when you ask me the question.

54:35.300 --> 54:41.250
How could they tell me
they'd given my sister electroshocks?

54:42.190 --> 54:48.450
It's really brutal in 2005
to hear such things.

54:48.640 --> 54:52.150
You'd think
they'd given up on those things

54:52.340 --> 54:54.100
since the 1930's.

54:56.540 --> 54:58.600
- I mean it.
- I know.

55:01.900 --> 55:07.700
I've had to hold you, to keep you up,
to hit you even

55:08.400 --> 55:12.450
so that you get calmer
whilst waiting for emergency services.

55:12.650 --> 55:15.700
I don't think we were being fragile.

55:16.850 --> 55:22.350
People are faced with that too.

55:26.690 --> 55:29.100
Sometimes it verges on madness.

55:30.700 --> 55:32.500
Did I hit you?

55:32.900 --> 55:34.050
No, you didn't.

55:38.800 --> 55:40.500
Did I beat you up?

55:41.350 --> 55:42.600
Who won?

55:45.540 --> 55:46.850
Who won?

55:48.390 --> 55:51.900
I've had to close the kitchen door.

55:52.100 --> 55:56.100
I've had to hide all of the knives
so you wouldn't hurt yourself.

55:56.300 --> 56:01.200
I closed all of the windows
so you wouldn't jump out.

56:01.390 --> 56:04.200
You wanted to jump out the window.

56:04.390 --> 56:08.850
You wanted to kill yourself
before these voices kill you.

56:09.190 --> 56:12.850
We went through all of that, you know.

56:14.950 --> 56:17.400
- I can't remember.
- You know.

56:19.750 --> 56:21.250
I can't remember.

56:28.950 --> 56:31.450
We were in the same class.

56:34.340 --> 56:36.000
Good-looking kids.

56:40.100 --> 56:44.200
I don't know if you realised,
but on that day,

56:45.450 --> 56:47.050
we were 39.

56:48.790 --> 56:52.100
You sat on my bed in my messy room.

56:53.150 --> 56:55.250
And you looked at me in the eyes:

56:57.540 --> 57:01.800
"I will always love you
whatever happens to you.

57:04.100 --> 57:08.600
"But if you want to take control,
you have to act now.

57:09.700 --> 57:13.700
"Because when you turn 50,
it might be too late."

57:15.290 --> 57:19.400
That is what set everything off.

57:19.600 --> 57:24.250
What you said to me for 5 minutes
in my bedroom.

57:25.350 --> 57:28.100
I never thanked you for that.

57:29.200 --> 57:32.500
But I'm thanking you now because...

57:33.540 --> 57:35.600
I could see in your eyes

57:35.790 --> 57:38.450
how you were convinced
more than I was

57:38.650 --> 57:40.900
that I could pull this off.

57:41.450 --> 57:46.750
It had a mirror effect
and I said to myself I would do my best.

57:47.250 --> 57:49.050
No need to thank me.

57:51.000 --> 57:52.700
You need to pay me.

57:53.900 --> 57:55.950
It was a turning point.

58:28.600 --> 58:32.850
It was the first school
where I felt good.

58:38.190 --> 58:40.800
That's where I was in the 80's.

58:48.990 --> 58:53.250
I find it difficult
to search my memories.

58:54.400 --> 58:57.350
I find it very difficult because...

59:01.600 --> 59:04.750
Like I wrote this to you,
I'm someone

59:06.900 --> 59:09.000
who started life

59:10.490 --> 59:13.200
by forgetting all about it

59:13.400 --> 59:15.700
so I could move forward.

59:17.650 --> 59:19.500
A survival instinct.

59:21.000 --> 59:24.150
So when I look through my memory,

59:30.790 --> 59:32.850
I find it difficult

59:34.940 --> 59:37.150
to remember precisely.

59:43.140 --> 59:45.500
Hi Julie, it's me.

59:45.690 --> 59:48.450
I tried to call you a few times.

59:48.650 --> 59:53.150
I wanted to know if you had time
to think it through

59:53.350 --> 59:56.850
and if you finally agreed

59:57.900 --> 01:00:00.550
to go and film at your Gran's.

01:00:02.250 --> 01:00:05.100
Please call me back.
Lots of love.

01:00:42.440 --> 01:00:48.350
It's crazy, it really reminds me
of my first day at Gran's with Jules.

01:00:51.850 --> 01:00:54.600
That's what springs to mind now.

01:00:54.800 --> 01:00:58.400
It was a sunny day as well,
in the morning.

01:01:00.000 --> 01:01:02.250
All of them were waiting for us.

01:01:03.440 --> 01:01:05.950
I said "Hello, madam".

01:01:06.150 --> 01:01:10.250
She said everyone calls me Gran here.

01:01:11.000 --> 01:01:12.300
I said OK.

01:01:21.150 --> 01:01:22.650
One, two, three.

01:01:37.650 --> 01:01:39.700
- Don't you like it?
- I do.

01:01:43.090 --> 01:01:44.650
It's very good.

01:01:46.200 --> 01:01:49.800
When you were angry at us,
you'd speak Creole.

01:01:56.750 --> 01:01:57.850
Gran?

01:01:58.450 --> 01:02:01.050
What kind of little girl was Julie?

01:02:01.240 --> 01:02:03.300
I was 5 and a half, I think.

01:02:07.200 --> 01:02:08.500
Frightened.

01:02:09.350 --> 01:02:11.200
I was frightened, right?

01:02:12.100 --> 01:02:15.400
She always thought
she was being followed.

01:02:15.590 --> 01:02:18.250
We always had to lock the door.

01:02:18.440 --> 01:02:21.800
"Someone's coming, Gran. Lock up!"

01:02:22.450 --> 01:02:24.550
"Someone's coming!"

01:02:24.850 --> 01:02:28.250
"Lock the door or he'll be coming in."

01:02:29.650 --> 01:02:31.600
I'd say "There's no one here."

01:02:31.800 --> 01:02:36.250
"Yes, there is someone behind us,
he'll be coming in."

01:02:36.440 --> 01:02:42.700
I'd say "Look, no one is coming in."
She'd always see someone.

01:02:44.590 --> 01:02:49.950
I had to put scissors under her pillow.

01:02:50.140 --> 01:02:52.750
I can remember now.

01:02:53.700 --> 01:02:56.200
I had forgotten about that.

01:02:58.100 --> 01:02:59.500
Can you remember?

01:03:00.040 --> 01:03:01.500
Under my pillow.

01:03:03.700 --> 01:03:08.650
You couldn't sleep properly.
You were always awake, talking.

01:03:08.850 --> 01:03:12.100
You were always chatting away.

01:03:13.750 --> 01:03:18.000
Someone told me to put scissors,

01:03:18.490 --> 01:03:23.000
open them up, leave them open
under the pillow.

01:03:23.490 --> 01:03:26.850
So she won't be speaking
during the night.

01:03:27.050 --> 01:03:29.450
She'll stop talking at night.

01:03:29.840 --> 01:03:31.950
That's what I did.

01:03:33.200 --> 01:03:36.000
It did help a little.

01:03:36.990 --> 01:03:38.350
It did help.

01:03:42.850 --> 01:03:45.200
We arrived at Pré-Saint-Gervais

01:03:46.400 --> 01:03:47.800
at your place.

01:03:48.940 --> 01:03:54.600
Because in the Reunion family,
the mother who is a childminder

01:03:54.790 --> 01:03:59.250
certified by social services,
something like that,

01:03:59.450 --> 01:04:01.450
is a complete alcoholic.

01:04:02.140 --> 01:04:05.650
And she had us drink too,
on a daily basis.

01:04:05.850 --> 01:04:09.000
And that lady, actually,

01:04:09.190 --> 01:04:12.200
on two occasions,
as we went to school,

01:04:12.390 --> 01:04:15.750
ended in a ethylic coma.

01:04:15.950 --> 01:04:17.250
And she fell.

01:04:18.140 --> 01:04:21.750
So one morning,
as Mum was getting us dressed,

01:04:21.950 --> 01:04:23.550
she said...

01:04:23.900 --> 01:04:29.300
"Mummy Régnault, it's over",
that's what we called her.

01:04:29.500 --> 01:04:33.300
"You are going to meet a lady,

01:04:33.500 --> 01:04:34.600
"a lady,

01:04:34.800 --> 01:04:37.400
"who you're going to be with weekdays.

01:04:37.600 --> 01:04:40.100
"We'll still meet at the weekends.

01:04:40.300 --> 01:04:45.250
"If needs be, I'll see you in the week
but you're going to Gran's."

01:04:45.440 --> 01:04:48.800
That's how we ended up at your place.

01:04:49.950 --> 01:04:54.000
I spoke briefly about that

01:04:54.200 --> 01:04:56.950
when I was about 14 or 15,

01:04:57.150 --> 01:04:59.700
I spoke to a French teacher.

01:04:59.890 --> 01:05:04.950
She had asked us
to write about some life experience.

01:05:06.350 --> 01:05:08.450
I don't quite know why,

01:05:08.640 --> 01:05:12.650
but I told myself
this might be the right time,

01:05:13.400 --> 01:05:16.150
with this essay in French,

01:05:16.900 --> 01:05:18.250
to say

01:05:19.940 --> 01:05:23.000
what the Thénardiers had done to us.

01:05:23.450 --> 01:05:29.750
That's what I call them now,
but at the time, I didn't.

01:05:29.940 --> 01:05:36.050
I wrote in that essay
that Jules and I had been...

01:05:36.790 --> 01:05:39.200
virtually held captive.

01:05:40.200 --> 01:05:43.200
Raped, beaten up, you name it.

01:05:43.840 --> 01:05:49.400
That French teacher handed back
the essays to all of the students.

01:05:50.050 --> 01:05:53.750
Then she said:
"Julie, I'd like to talk to you."

01:05:53.940 --> 01:05:59.100
This was the first time
I dared speak out

01:05:59.290 --> 01:06:01.800
to a grown up or even to someone.

01:06:01.990 --> 01:06:04.150
Jules and I had never spoken out.

01:06:04.350 --> 01:06:08.200
Even between us,
we never talked about it.

01:06:08.390 --> 01:06:13.700
That is because when they abused us,
it was always separately.

01:06:13.900 --> 01:06:15.450
Except for blows.

01:06:15.640 --> 01:06:20.100
But they always managed
to have us doing different things.

01:06:20.290 --> 01:06:23.500
One is busy while the other is abused.

01:06:24.650 --> 01:06:30.700
With this French essay,
I probably thought subconsciously

01:06:31.800 --> 01:06:34.350
there might be an opening.

01:06:35.440 --> 01:06:38.050
A lifeline, grab it.

01:06:38.700 --> 01:06:40.050
So I wrote.

01:06:40.650 --> 01:06:42.250
And this French teacher

01:06:42.800 --> 01:06:44.300
said to me:

01:06:45.850 --> 01:06:51.050
"What you wrote in your essay
worries me, can we talk about it?"

01:06:52.550 --> 01:06:55.200
Then my heart went boom.

01:06:55.400 --> 01:06:57.900
I'd never spoken about it before.

01:07:10.900 --> 01:07:15.200
I told her that everything was true.

01:07:15.390 --> 01:07:18.950
We were put in a foster home,

01:07:19.150 --> 01:07:25.150
before we got to Gran's,
where we got abused and more.

01:07:32.540 --> 01:07:35.550
She said I must call your Mum.

01:07:35.740 --> 01:07:40.650
That was as if the whole world
came crashing down on me.

01:07:45.600 --> 01:07:49.550
I thought my mother
will never get over this.

01:08:03.800 --> 01:08:10.000
Gran, when we arrived here,
didn't the family or yourself think

01:08:10.950 --> 01:08:17.050
there's something wrong with these kids
or something might've happened to them?

01:08:17.390 --> 01:08:20.600
- You didn't think that?
- I didn't.

01:08:20.790 --> 01:08:26.650
You're the ones who said
things weren't right in that family.

01:08:26.840 --> 01:08:28.600
- We told you?
- You did.

01:08:28.800 --> 01:08:30.550
I can't remember.

01:08:31.690 --> 01:08:35.550
We told you the story as kids,
is that right?

01:08:47.990 --> 01:08:52.150
We thought we'd never talked about it
till we reached 20.

01:08:52.350 --> 01:08:55.150
Yes, you did speak to me.

01:08:55.340 --> 01:09:00.700
Jules did say a few things to me too.

01:09:01.040 --> 01:09:02.950
I thought:

01:09:03.600 --> 01:09:08.550
"These people were bastards.
Ordinary people.

01:09:08.740 --> 01:09:12.750
"To treat you the way they did."

01:09:19.200 --> 01:09:23.600
- Did you tell Mum?
- I didn't!

01:09:24.240 --> 01:09:26.450
I never told anyone.

01:09:30.700 --> 01:09:33.850
Not even...
She never told you?

01:09:34.040 --> 01:09:35.300
No, she didn't.

01:09:35.740 --> 01:09:41.200
How did you manage to keep things
to yourself? That must have hurt.

01:09:41.990 --> 01:09:45.300
It must've been painful to hear that.

01:09:45.490 --> 01:09:46.500
To me?

01:09:49.040 --> 01:09:51.950
It upset me.

01:09:52.790 --> 01:09:56.600
I couldn't believe
those things could happen.

01:10:08.900 --> 01:10:12.200
It's true that this case...

01:10:12.790 --> 01:10:15.850
When the social services turned up...

01:10:16.890 --> 01:10:19.150
- Who did?
- Social services.

01:10:19.350 --> 01:10:23.800
Mum didn't ask for us
to be put in a foster home.

01:10:24.840 --> 01:10:29.300
There was an investigation.
A single mother with that many kids

01:10:29.500 --> 01:10:32.400
could not stay in such a tiny flat.

01:10:32.590 --> 01:10:35.300
It was never Mum's decision.

01:10:35.890 --> 01:10:39.650
That's always been important to me.
You see?

01:10:39.840 --> 01:10:40.700
Sure.

01:10:44.600 --> 01:10:47.000
You're going to get some rest.

01:10:47.200 --> 01:10:49.300
I will lie down for a while.

01:10:49.500 --> 01:10:52.250
We'll see you again after your nap.

01:10:52.840 --> 01:10:53.800
Cool.

01:11:24.350 --> 01:11:29.500
I find it hard to look at Gran
in the eyes and ask her questions

01:11:29.700 --> 01:11:32.150
like we've been doing all day.

01:11:37.890 --> 01:11:43.250
I'm not saying it's too late,
but it's kind of like that...

01:11:43.450 --> 01:11:48.910
I think I have gone too far already
to try and understand why.

01:11:49.300 --> 01:11:52.600
"That's his fault."
"She didn't see that."

01:11:53.390 --> 01:11:56.350
"I didn't do what I should've."

01:12:01.990 --> 01:12:04.800
I have enough answers now.

01:12:05.000 --> 01:12:07.900
Today I feel like

01:12:08.090 --> 01:12:12.600
even if someone were to tell me
something I didn't expect.

01:12:12.790 --> 01:12:15.250
something I'm not expecting,

01:12:19.200 --> 01:12:22.450
I feel it wouldn't shake me anymore.

01:12:28.140 --> 01:12:30.950
I carried  lot of anger anyway.

01:12:34.500 --> 01:12:37.050
Particularly a my mother.

01:12:40.640 --> 01:12:46.250
I needed to blame someone
and those responsible were out of reach.

01:12:51.000 --> 01:12:54.650
All of them got questioned one by one.

01:12:54.850 --> 01:12:58.350
At least, they were put to shame.

01:12:59.590 --> 01:13:02.500
It's a cheap price to pay

01:13:05.550 --> 01:13:08.400
for terrorizing children

01:13:09.050 --> 01:13:12.150
and ruining a part of their lives.

01:13:12.350 --> 01:13:14.650
Schizophrenia doesn't just happen.

01:13:14.850 --> 01:13:18.100
"Oh, she's fragile,
don't know what's wrong.

01:13:18.300 --> 01:13:20.800
"Her brother is strange too."

01:13:26.190 --> 01:13:28.050
Try to get over that.

01:13:30.450 --> 01:13:33.900
If the trial were to be held now,
how would it go

01:13:34.100 --> 01:13:36.350
compared to 20 years ago?

01:13:37.200 --> 01:13:40.500
I didn't quite understand the jury:

01:13:40.700 --> 01:13:43.350
he's guilty but he walks.

01:13:45.550 --> 01:13:50.850
That was a slap in the face, you know.

01:13:56.700 --> 01:14:00.000
You speak out,
they say it's not normal,

01:14:00.200 --> 01:14:03.150
what happened in that family?

01:14:03.940 --> 01:14:06.200
What did they do to you?

01:14:06.950 --> 01:14:09.000
You get to the trial

01:14:09.200 --> 01:14:11.450
which lasts two days.

01:14:14.750 --> 01:14:17.100
And the guy walks free anyway.

01:14:17.300 --> 01:14:19.600
What do you want me to say?

01:14:22.340 --> 01:14:25.950
This time, I can't say
it was nobody's fault.

01:14:26.950 --> 01:14:29.150
These are different times.

01:14:29.350 --> 01:14:33.150
We're talking 15 years later.

01:14:36.090 --> 01:14:37.200
Later.

01:14:37.390 --> 01:14:38.550
Later.

01:14:45.440 --> 01:14:47.750
What do I do with that anyway?

01:14:47.950 --> 01:14:49.850
Except be angry.

01:14:51.800 --> 01:14:55.250
I was in such a bad way then
I didn't even appeal.

01:14:55.440 --> 01:14:56.950
I could have.

01:15:30.650 --> 01:15:32.050
Are you tired?

01:15:33.250 --> 01:15:34.500
Shall we stop?

01:16:04.300 --> 01:16:06.450
Is she still sleeping?

01:16:08.540 --> 01:16:10.800
Go and see her if you like.

01:16:12.400 --> 01:16:14.200
Not if she's sleeping.

01:16:14.390 --> 01:16:16.400
Let's leave her to rest.

01:16:16.600 --> 01:16:19.300
- She needs it.
- She needs to wake up too.

01:16:19.500 --> 01:16:21.550
- She needs it.
- Sorry?

01:16:21.750 --> 01:16:23.700
She needs to rest.

01:16:26.240 --> 01:16:28.400
I'm dreading it a bit.

01:16:29.290 --> 01:16:30.500
All that.

01:16:30.690 --> 01:16:33.950
I don't want to hear one day:

01:16:35.390 --> 01:16:39.600
we found her,
she was committed involuntarily

01:16:39.790 --> 01:16:43.650
because she was ill.
That's what I fear.

01:16:44.350 --> 01:16:45.850
She's fragile.

01:16:46.890 --> 01:16:48.750
I'm afraid about that.

01:16:51.450 --> 01:16:54.300
It doesn't take much, you know.

01:16:55.440 --> 01:16:57.300
It doesn't take much.

01:17:01.250 --> 01:17:02.650
Because...

01:17:03.290 --> 01:17:07.150
Everyone gets down sometimes,

01:17:08.350 --> 01:17:10.700
but when it comes to her,

01:17:12.000 --> 01:17:15.800
that little episode
can be ten times worse.

01:17:18.850 --> 01:17:20.400
It's not the same.

01:17:21.350 --> 01:17:27.400
In the last 3 years that you've been
together, she's not relapsed.

01:17:27.600 --> 01:17:28.550
No.

01:17:29.740 --> 01:17:30.900
No.

01:17:32.600 --> 01:17:34.250
That's a good thing.

01:17:35.850 --> 01:17:37.050
But...

01:17:41.040 --> 01:17:42.850
I feel good with her.

01:17:43.040 --> 01:17:44.950
We like being together.

01:17:46.400 --> 01:17:48.450
When she's away

01:17:49.650 --> 01:17:52.450
for a few days, I really miss her.

01:20:19.600 --> 01:20:23.600
I can't even talk about these memories.

01:20:25.390 --> 01:20:26.900
They're so...

01:20:59.840 --> 01:21:02.800
I recognise everything
since I could bring you here

01:21:02.990 --> 01:21:04.750
without knowing the address.

01:21:04.950 --> 01:21:05.950
But...

01:21:08.390 --> 01:21:10.500
I was a kid.

01:21:11.740 --> 01:21:14.450
Everything looks smaller

01:21:16.100 --> 01:21:18.150
than how I remember it.

01:21:29.200 --> 01:21:30.800
I'll be right back.

01:21:49.650 --> 01:21:52.700
I can feel something really strong.

01:21:56.090 --> 01:21:58.000
I'm a warrior actually.

01:21:58.300 --> 01:21:59.550
Honestly.

01:22:08.540 --> 01:22:10.100
I'm a warrior.

01:22:11.090 --> 01:22:14.000
That's what I'm telling myself now.

01:23:21.740 --> 01:23:25.100
I think it's only fair
I've pulled through.

01:23:27.040 --> 01:23:29.800
Sometimes, we say life is unfair.

01:23:29.990 --> 01:23:33.200
That's the word which springs to mind.

01:23:34.750 --> 01:23:37.300
You mentioned pride yesterday.

01:23:39.200 --> 01:23:43.400
I must say I am proud of myself.
I hardly ever say that.

01:23:43.600 --> 01:23:47.150
That's why I said soon after...

01:23:50.190 --> 01:23:51.650
Basically,

01:23:57.400 --> 01:24:00.650
I said it wasn't boasting.

01:24:02.600 --> 01:24:04.450
I am proud actually

01:24:04.650 --> 01:24:09.550
to be who I am now
or who I became in spite of it all.

01:24:11.700 --> 01:24:16.850
In our family, we manage to pull through
in spite of it all.

01:24:19.640 --> 01:24:21.000
You and Jules.

01:24:22.550 --> 01:24:26.700
At that time, I put posters
of Marilyn Monroe everywhere.

01:24:27.750 --> 01:24:31.500
My role model.
Can you imagine as a Senegalese girl?

01:24:31.690 --> 01:24:35.200
I was a fan.
Did I never mention that?

01:24:35.390 --> 01:24:36.500
Marilyn.

01:24:40.500 --> 01:24:43.650
Mum, Jules and Julie at the clinic.

01:24:48.690 --> 01:24:49.800
Who's that?

01:24:49.990 --> 01:24:54.450
The lady who suggested my Mum
to call us Jules and Julie.

01:24:55.440 --> 01:24:57.850
She thought it sounded better.

01:24:59.540 --> 01:25:03.000
What do you mean?
She thought it sounded better?

01:25:03.250 --> 01:25:06.650
She liked the names
Yaye Bigué and Souleimane,

01:25:06.840 --> 01:25:10.300
but she thought black twins
named Jules and Julie

01:25:10.500 --> 01:25:12.050
would be fun.

01:25:13.800 --> 01:25:16.000
My mother took her advice.

01:25:17.390 --> 01:25:19.900
It's as simple as that.

01:25:23.550 --> 01:25:26.450
They settle out there
for money laundering purposes.

01:25:26.650 --> 01:25:29.800
Money laundering
where there's nothing is hard.

01:25:30.440 --> 01:25:34.650
They soon realised
that the community...

01:25:35.590 --> 01:25:36.800
Bye now.

01:25:39.590 --> 01:25:40.950
See you soon.

01:25:42.150 --> 01:25:45.550
- See you on Thursday.
- That's right.

01:25:46.250 --> 01:25:47.700
Have a nice evening.

01:25:49.740 --> 01:25:50.800
The other side.

01:25:54.040 --> 01:25:55.400
There you are.

01:25:57.500 --> 01:25:58.650
Come on.

01:25:59.650 --> 01:26:00.800
Funny.

01:26:13.240 --> 01:26:15.650
Oh yes, beguine is a good dance.

01:26:44.990 --> 01:26:46.800
Back then, the slaves.

01:26:46.990 --> 01:26:48.550
And the cassava.

01:26:50.150 --> 01:26:51.850
They had to grate the cassava.

01:26:52.050 --> 01:26:52.800
Show me.

01:26:53.140 --> 01:26:55.300
You got the grater,
the cassava.

01:27:02.700 --> 01:27:04.350
It still goes...

01:27:08.950 --> 01:27:11.200
With your arms like this?
Shoulders?

01:27:11.390 --> 01:27:12.800
As you like.

01:27:12.990 --> 01:27:14.450
I was told...

01:27:18.350 --> 01:27:20.500
As long as you got that, anything goes.

01:27:25.140 --> 01:27:28.400
Do whatever you like
with your neck.

01:27:41.390 --> 01:27:44.750
They found the secret of a salary
based on budget...

01:27:44.950 --> 01:27:46.300
Good evening.

01:27:52.100 --> 01:27:53.450
All good.

01:28:01.190 --> 01:28:02.900
There was a scare?

01:28:03.700 --> 01:28:06.300
A report on alcoholics?

01:28:07.150 --> 01:28:08.900
We found you guys.

01:28:09.100 --> 01:28:10.850
We never got lost.

01:28:13.850 --> 01:28:17.800
- We're on the straight and narrow.
- That's right.

01:29:07.050 --> 01:29:09.350
I'd like to move that.

01:29:10.350 --> 01:29:12.100
I want it over there.

01:29:13.140 --> 01:29:15.200
There's a socket too.

01:29:15.850 --> 01:29:17.900
You want the lamp too?

01:29:19.150 --> 01:29:20.050
Please.

01:29:35.440 --> 01:29:38.850
We talked about responsibilities
earlier on.

01:29:40.400 --> 01:29:46.150
10 years ago, it would have been
very tricky to be where I am now.

01:29:47.390 --> 01:29:50.400
It could have been dangerous, even.

01:29:51.490 --> 01:29:56.950
I'll skip the details,
but it could've been dangerous.

01:29:58.440 --> 01:30:04.050
Yes, he picked the right time
to turn up, the little one.

01:30:35.790 --> 01:30:38.150
You've got a lovely smile.

01:31:03.200 --> 01:31:06.950
Take your time
when you're just waking up.

01:31:18.740 --> 01:31:20.600
Mia is here with us.

01:31:22.450 --> 01:31:24.650
Your Auntie Mia is here.

01:31:28.650 --> 01:31:32.650
It was as if she was pregnant too.
It was weird.

01:31:33.500 --> 01:31:35.250
Wasn't it, Auntie Mia?

01:31:36.390 --> 01:31:37.550
Wasn't it?

01:31:42.600 --> 01:31:45.400
She'd got cravings too.

01:31:48.600 --> 01:31:51.900
She was a pain
just like a pregnant woman.

01:31:56.490 --> 01:31:57.550
My baby.

01:32:05.800 --> 01:32:11.500
That's how I want to present things.

01:32:13.190 --> 01:32:16.100
I talk about the metro
and these other women.

01:32:16.290 --> 01:32:20.550
All those black women in the carriage
of the first metro at 5 am,

01:32:21.300 --> 01:32:23.350
they'll understand then.

01:32:23.540 --> 01:32:24.750
Again.

01:32:25.490 --> 01:32:26.700
Another way,

01:32:27.340 --> 01:32:28.250
I meant.

01:32:29.700 --> 01:32:31.500
My mother's sacrifice.

01:32:32.600 --> 01:32:35.200
Because, do I mention it or not?

01:32:35.390 --> 01:32:36.650
I'm listening.

01:32:44.250 --> 01:32:48.850
It's 8 am, I'm ready to leave.
My train is coming, busy,

01:32:49.040 --> 01:32:50.500
choc-a-bloc.

01:32:52.240 --> 01:32:55.750
Got my headphones on,
Nina Simone is with me.

01:32:55.950 --> 01:32:58.650
It feels like I'm going away.

01:33:02.690 --> 01:33:05.050
But I'm just going to work.

01:33:08.090 --> 01:33:12.350
Packed together,
people smell nice at this hour.

01:33:13.950 --> 01:33:19.100
At each station, people push and shout.
They moan, but I don't.

01:33:20.850 --> 01:33:26.050
Hands overlap on the central pole,
mine's among all the others.

01:33:27.140 --> 01:33:31.900
The crowd tramples, I trample.
It moves forward, I move with it.

01:33:33.700 --> 01:33:38.600
Between a suit and a cleaning lady,
I'm overjoyed.

01:33:41.390 --> 01:33:43.550
I finally belong.

01:33:46.200 --> 01:33:47.700
I am society.

01:33:53.400 --> 01:33:56.500
Come on, ladies and gentlemen,
move those fingers.

01:33:56.700 --> 01:33:58.200
Above your head.

01:33:59.340 --> 01:34:00.700
To the right.

01:34:01.250 --> 01:34:02.450
And down.

01:34:04.650 --> 01:34:07.300
Come on, your left hand in front.

01:34:07.500 --> 01:34:09.400
Move those fingers,

01:34:09.590 --> 01:34:11.250
up over your head...