00:00:06.999 --> 00:00:11.876
(Emily)
I also witnessed a lot
of other people being bullied.

00:00:11.876 --> 00:00:12.626
And sometimes,

00:00:12.626 --> 00:00:15.999
I even participated
in the bullying myself.

00:00:23.083 --> 00:00:25.167
In 1997, I was 11 years old.

00:00:25.167 --> 00:00:29.250
I played soccer,
I did a lot of musical theater,

00:00:29.250 --> 00:00:30.834
and I loved to sing.

00:00:30.834 --> 00:00:34.999
[choir sings]

00:00:35.667 --> 00:00:38.999
I loved Hanson, especially Zac.

00:00:38.999 --> 00:00:39.626
♪ Ooh

00:00:39.626 --> 00:00:42.167
(Emily)
I had developed physically
pretty early.

00:00:42.167 --> 00:00:43.667
I was the first
to get my period,

00:00:43.667 --> 00:00:47.000
and people started noticing
that my body looked different

00:00:47.000 --> 00:00:49.667
than the other girls' bodies
in my class.

00:00:49.667 --> 00:00:52.751
In sixth grade, I developed
a really serious crush

00:00:52.751 --> 00:00:54.292
on one of the boys at school.

00:00:54.292 --> 00:00:55.876
He was my first kiss.

00:00:55.876 --> 00:00:57.167
He asked me
to be his girlfriend,

00:00:57.167 --> 00:00:59.167
and he asked me to go
to third base with him.

00:00:59.167 --> 00:01:02.999
For us, that meant
he put his hands down my pants.

00:01:02.999 --> 00:01:07.292
From that point on, he and his
friends spread rumors about me.

00:01:07.292 --> 00:01:08.459
I lost all my friends,

00:01:08.459 --> 00:01:10.792
older boys thought
I'd have sex with them,

00:01:10.792 --> 00:01:15.918
and it felt like the whole town
knew about my reputation.

00:01:16.167 --> 00:01:18.292
I was labeled the school slut,

00:01:18.292 --> 00:01:22.834
and that reputation
stuck with me for a few years.

00:01:22.834 --> 00:01:25.125
I was sexually bullied
incessantly,

00:01:25.125 --> 00:01:27.292
online and in person.

00:01:27.292 --> 00:01:31.999
A few times, I even
considered committing suicide.

00:01:32.876 --> 00:01:36.667
I remember going down
to my parents' basement

00:01:36.667 --> 00:01:38.999
in New England in the winter

00:01:38.999 --> 00:01:42.167
and sitting there
hoping and praying

00:01:42.167 --> 00:01:43.999
that I would freeze to death

00:01:43.999 --> 00:01:45.876
so that it would look like
an accident

00:01:45.876 --> 00:01:49.250
and my parents
wouldn't blame themselves.

00:01:49.250 --> 00:01:52.292
During that time,
I kept a really detailed diary.

00:01:52.292 --> 00:01:54.834
I wrote down everything
that was going on,

00:01:54.834 --> 00:01:56.999
and I tried to understand it.

00:01:56.999 --> 00:01:57.999
By the end of high school,

00:01:57.999 --> 00:01:59.834
my reputation
had mostly faded away.

00:01:59.834 --> 00:02:02.334
I went off to college,
met new people,

00:02:02.334 --> 00:02:03.834
and I re-invented myself.

00:02:03.834 --> 00:02:06.042
I moved out to California,
started graduate school,

00:02:06.042 --> 00:02:09.375
and I never really thought much
about what I had gone through

00:02:09.375 --> 00:02:12.167
in middle school.

00:02:12.167 --> 00:02:14.999
Then, I started reading
news stories about girls

00:02:14.999 --> 00:02:17.292
who, like me,
were being sexually bullied

00:02:17.292 --> 00:02:19.042
at school and online.

00:02:19.042 --> 00:02:21.999
Like I had,
they felt completely isolated

00:02:21.999 --> 00:02:24.209
and like there was
nowhere to turn,

00:02:24.209 --> 00:02:25.375
but the difference was,

00:02:25.375 --> 00:02:27.292
these girls had decided
to go through

00:02:27.292 --> 00:02:29.209
with taking their own lives.

00:02:29.209 --> 00:02:31.792
More emotional reaction today--

00:02:31.792 --> 00:02:33.751
the death of Rehtaeh Parsons.

00:02:33.751 --> 00:02:34.918
The Halifax teen
took her own life

00:02:34.918 --> 00:02:38.250
after she was allegedly
gang-raped and bullied

00:02:38.250 --> 00:02:40.000
when photos of the attack
circulated online.

00:02:40.000 --> 00:02:43.042
(female reporter)
It's a growing trend
called slut shaming

00:02:43.042 --> 00:02:45.999
that played a major role
in her death.

00:02:45.999 --> 00:02:49.999
Hearing the stories about people
who didn't survive that time

00:02:49.999 --> 00:02:53.250
and who did go through
with taking their own lives

00:02:53.250 --> 00:02:56.999
inspired me to start
The UnSlut Project.

00:02:56.999 --> 00:03:00.375
I started The UnSlut Project
by blogging my own diary entries

00:03:00.375 --> 00:03:03.584
from when I had been sexually
bullied in middle school,

00:03:03.584 --> 00:03:06.918
adding some commentary
to put things in context.

00:03:06.918 --> 00:03:08.751
Girls and women
from all over the world

00:03:08.751 --> 00:03:10.209
started to get in touch with me,

00:03:10.209 --> 00:03:13.751
wanting to share
their own stories.

00:03:13.751 --> 00:03:14.417
The project has grown

00:03:14.417 --> 00:03:17.334
into a wonderful, supportive
online community

00:03:17.334 --> 00:03:19.792
where all these shared stories
demonstrate

00:03:19.792 --> 00:03:25.250
just how important and pervasive
this problem is.

00:03:25.250 --> 00:03:26.125
Action.

00:03:26.125 --> 00:03:30.000
(Emily)
This film has grown
out of The UnSlut Project.

00:03:30.000 --> 00:03:32.083
The project
has always been rooted

00:03:32.083 --> 00:03:33.167
in personal story sharing,

00:03:33.167 --> 00:03:35.501
so my team and I traveled
around North America

00:03:35.501 --> 00:03:37.125
just listening
to the experiences

00:03:37.125 --> 00:03:41.292
of real girls and women
in order to share them with you

00:03:41.292 --> 00:03:44.000
and to start conversations.

00:03:44.000 --> 00:03:47.334
You started an organization
called The UnSlut Project

00:03:47.334 --> 00:03:50.042
to combat what's known
as slut shaming.

00:03:50.042 --> 00:03:50.834
Right.

00:03:50.834 --> 00:03:53.999
What do you mean
by that exactly?

00:04:08.542 --> 00:04:11.999
[soft piano music]

00:04:11.999 --> 00:04:17.000
♪

00:04:17.000 --> 00:04:19.042
[indistinct chatter]

00:04:19.042 --> 00:04:21.542
(girl)
You're so beautiful.

00:04:21.542 --> 00:04:24.999
Daddy, look.
Now it's a rainbow.

00:04:24.999 --> 00:04:30.459
Daddy, look at the shell
I found.

00:04:30.459 --> 00:04:31.375
Ocean.

00:04:31.375 --> 00:04:33.999
Look at the shell I found,
Daddy.

00:04:33.999 --> 00:04:38.375
(Leah)
I had Rehtaeh's name picked out
when I was about 13.

00:04:38.375 --> 00:04:41.375
I had a niece
whose name was Heather,

00:04:41.375 --> 00:04:44.459
and I took my niece's name
backwards, and I said,

00:04:44.459 --> 00:04:46.292
"Oh, Rehtaeh,
that's a cool name.

00:04:46.292 --> 00:04:49.000
If I ever have a girl,
I'm going to name her Rehtaeh."

00:04:49.000 --> 00:04:52.042
And she was born
on Heather's birthday.

00:04:52.042 --> 00:04:53.999
Being a father,
the day Rehtaeh was born

00:04:53.999 --> 00:04:57.167
will always be
the happiest day of my life.

00:04:57.167 --> 00:05:00.626
(Leah)
When you met Rehtaeh,
you would think that she was

00:05:00.626 --> 00:05:03.876
very polite, quiet,
until you got to know her,

00:05:03.876 --> 00:05:07.417
and then you'd see
the goofy side of her

00:05:07.417 --> 00:05:08.999
that her friends knew.

00:05:08.999 --> 00:05:11.334
(Jenna)
She was one of the nicest people
I've ever met.

00:05:11.334 --> 00:05:15.042
I wish I could have spent
more time with her

00:05:15.042 --> 00:05:16.584
and experience more things
with her,

00:05:16.584 --> 00:05:19.000
'cause honestly,
she was one of the best friends

00:05:19.000 --> 00:05:21.375
I could ever ask for.

00:05:23.584 --> 00:05:26.125
(Glen)
She went to a friend's house
for a sleepover.

00:05:26.125 --> 00:05:27.375
When she was
at the friend's house,

00:05:27.375 --> 00:05:28.751
the friend came up
with this idea.

00:05:28.751 --> 00:05:30.542
"Let's go down the street.
I know a couple boys there.

00:05:30.542 --> 00:05:32.709
You know, we'll hang out
with them for a while."

00:05:32.709 --> 00:05:34.709
One was their age.
One was a year older.

00:05:34.709 --> 00:05:36.999
(Leah)
Two other guys came over,

00:05:36.999 --> 00:05:39.501
and they started
drinking vodka straight.

00:05:39.501 --> 00:05:42.125
So she remembers

00:05:42.125 --> 00:05:43.999
one of the boys
leading her upstairs,

00:05:43.999 --> 00:05:47.751
and she remembered them
taking turns on top of her,

00:05:47.751 --> 00:05:49.083
and then the next thing
she remembers

00:05:49.083 --> 00:05:51.125
is hitting her head
on the windowpane

00:05:51.125 --> 00:05:52.626
because she was throwing up.

00:05:52.626 --> 00:05:55.584
And that's when
the photo was taken.

00:05:55.584 --> 00:05:59.417
(Jenna)
The photo got spread
through text messaging.

00:05:59.417 --> 00:06:00.709
One of the boys
took the picture,

00:06:00.709 --> 00:06:03.792
sent it to somebody, somebody
sent it to somebody else,

00:06:03.792 --> 00:06:05.626
and then it's like a wildfire.

00:06:05.626 --> 00:06:06.417
It just spreads.

00:06:06.417 --> 00:06:08.667
They went out with
the slut story, "She's a slut,"

00:06:08.667 --> 00:06:12.709
and that label stuck
with Rehtaeh right there.

00:06:12.709 --> 00:06:14.167
She wasn't a slut
the day before,

00:06:14.167 --> 00:06:16.542
she wasn't a slut any other day,
but all of a sudden,

00:06:16.542 --> 00:06:20.167
because they got to the school
and told their story first,

00:06:20.167 --> 00:06:22.626
she was now considered a slut.

00:06:22.626 --> 00:06:25.667
Someone clicks a button,
puts it online,

00:06:25.667 --> 00:06:28.292
and now it's a permanent part
of their record.

00:06:28.292 --> 00:06:29.209
My name is Mick Foley.

00:06:29.209 --> 00:06:33.999
I am probably best known as
a former professional wrestler.

00:06:33.999 --> 00:06:38.042
[rock music]

00:06:38.042 --> 00:06:42.125
♪

00:06:42.125 --> 00:06:44.999
But I am as proud
of the time I spent

00:06:44.999 --> 00:06:48.083
as an online hotline volunteer
for RAINN,

00:06:48.083 --> 00:06:50.999
the Rape, Abuse, Incest
National Network.

00:06:50.999 --> 00:06:55.709
I think slut shaming has become
so much more serious

00:06:55.709 --> 00:07:00.999
because of a feeling
of permanence.

00:07:05.751 --> 00:07:09.083
What's really interesting for me
in tracking the differences

00:07:09.083 --> 00:07:12.375
in the experience of being
labeled a slut over the years

00:07:12.375 --> 00:07:16.375
is how the Internet
has really changed the game.

00:07:16.375 --> 00:07:17.626
I'm Leora Tanenbaum.

00:07:17.626 --> 00:07:18.834
I'm the author of five books

00:07:18.834 --> 00:07:20.751
about feminism
and gender relations.

00:07:20.751 --> 00:07:23.999
I interviewed 50 girls and women
around the United States

00:07:23.999 --> 00:07:27.209
who had been labeled sluts
by their peers,

00:07:27.209 --> 00:07:28.584
primarily when they were

00:07:28.584 --> 00:07:30.626
in junior high school
or high school.

00:07:30.626 --> 00:07:33.876
When I did my original research
in the mid-1990s,

00:07:33.876 --> 00:07:36.292
there was no Facebook,
there was no Snapchat,

00:07:36.292 --> 00:07:38.876
there was no sexting,
there was no texting.

00:07:38.876 --> 00:07:41.375
None of that existed.

00:07:41.375 --> 00:07:43.918
So back
in those prehistoric days,

00:07:43.918 --> 00:07:47.209
if a girl in school
was labeled a slut,

00:07:47.209 --> 00:07:51.751
it was done to her face,
or it was done through graffiti,

00:07:51.751 --> 00:07:53.334
or maybe she got
some prank phone calls

00:07:53.334 --> 00:07:54.501
to the landline in her home

00:07:54.501 --> 00:07:57.375
because people didn't have
cell phones back then.

00:07:57.375 --> 00:08:01.918
(Samantha)
It was a little different,
I think, back in the late '70s.

00:08:01.918 --> 00:08:05.626
There was no 24-hour news.
There was no Internet.

00:08:05.626 --> 00:08:07.999
I'm Samantha Gailey Geimer.

00:08:07.999 --> 00:08:08.999
I was the minor victim

00:08:08.999 --> 00:08:10.918
in the Roman Polanski
sex scandal in the late '70s.

00:08:10.918 --> 00:08:15.000
(female reporter)
Roman Polanski is under arrest
in Switzerland

00:08:15.000 --> 00:08:17.250
and facing extradition
to the United States

00:08:17.250 --> 00:08:21.876
for having had sex in 1977
with a 13-year-old girl.

00:08:21.876 --> 00:08:24.250
I was sexually assaulted
by Roman,

00:08:24.250 --> 00:08:26.584
and my mom called the police.

00:08:26.584 --> 00:08:28.125
And almost immediately,

00:08:28.125 --> 00:08:33.125
we were in a snowball effect
of publicity.

00:08:33.125 --> 00:08:37.042
For me,
it was adults and the media

00:08:37.042 --> 00:08:38.751
who were doing the slut shaming.

00:08:38.751 --> 00:08:42.542
All it takes is being
a woman or a girl

00:08:42.542 --> 00:08:46.999
who is even rumored
to be a sexual being,

00:08:46.999 --> 00:08:48.250
and she is called a slut.

00:08:48.250 --> 00:08:52.167
(Samantha)
I was a slut, my mom was a slut,
I was a liar,

00:08:52.167 --> 00:08:54.250
and we were really victimized
as the bad guys,

00:08:54.250 --> 00:08:59.667
and poor Roman was this innocent
man who we were trying to hurt.

00:08:59.667 --> 00:09:03.334
- Good luck, Roman.
- Please keep it moving.

00:09:03.334 --> 00:09:06.042
You know, his attorney
wanted to investigate

00:09:06.042 --> 00:09:09.834
my prior sexual history,
and it was like, well,

00:09:09.834 --> 00:09:10.876
that's not right.

00:09:10.876 --> 00:09:13.417
Who cares what I've done before?

00:09:13.417 --> 00:09:16.834
That doesn't make it okay
for this much older man to,

00:09:16.834 --> 00:09:20.584
you know, force himself on me
and I'm, you know, underage.

00:09:20.584 --> 00:09:23.375
A girl who many not
have been labeled a slut

00:09:23.375 --> 00:09:28.501
before her assault
is then labeled a slut afterward

00:09:28.501 --> 00:09:32.167
to justify the act
of assault or rape.

00:09:32.167 --> 00:09:35.209
Today when I see this happen
to girls,

00:09:35.209 --> 00:09:37.334
it just seems
so much more intense,

00:09:37.334 --> 00:09:39.709
and with the Internet
and social media,

00:09:39.709 --> 00:09:41.918
people just tear
into people with, like,

00:09:41.918 --> 00:09:43.999
no feeling and no consequences,

00:09:43.999 --> 00:09:48.834
and it's a much harder,
meaner environment.

00:09:49.751 --> 00:09:53.083
[soft guitar music]

00:09:53.083 --> 00:09:58.584
♪

00:09:58.584 --> 00:09:59.999
(Allyson)
It wasn't even like we sat down

00:09:59.999 --> 00:10:02.501
and we weighed
the pros and cons.

00:10:02.501 --> 00:10:04.667
It was impulsive.
I was 16.

00:10:04.667 --> 00:10:08.250
It was just
a stupid thing to do.

00:10:09.542 --> 00:10:10.834
When I first started
high school,

00:10:10.834 --> 00:10:13.918
I started dating a boy
almost immediately.

00:10:13.918 --> 00:10:16.125
We dated on and off
for two years.

00:10:16.125 --> 00:10:19.584
He broke up with me,
and then about a month later,

00:10:19.584 --> 00:10:21.375
he texted me out of the blue
and said,

00:10:21.375 --> 00:10:24.626
"I'll get back together with you
if you send me a naked picture."

00:10:24.626 --> 00:10:26.501
It wasn't something
that we even thought about.

00:10:26.501 --> 00:10:27.999
I was hanging out
with my friends at the time.

00:10:27.999 --> 00:10:32.834
We just went into the bathroom,
we impulsively took a picture,

00:10:32.834 --> 00:10:35.375
and then I pressed "send."

00:10:35.375 --> 00:10:38.501
The next day at a cheerleading
competition at school,

00:10:38.501 --> 00:10:40.250
we were all watching
in the stands,

00:10:40.250 --> 00:10:41.542
and everybody was looking at me.

00:10:41.542 --> 00:10:43.999
And one person even pulled out
their phone and was like,

00:10:43.999 --> 00:10:45.417
"Isn't this you in the picture?"

00:10:45.417 --> 00:10:46.709
And then when we were
in the hallway,

00:10:46.709 --> 00:10:48.250
my ex was there
with his two best friends,

00:10:48.250 --> 00:10:49.542
and they pulled out
their phones,

00:10:49.542 --> 00:10:51.542
and they pointed at me
and started laughing.

00:10:51.542 --> 00:10:53.918
And that was when I realized
what he had done

00:10:53.918 --> 00:10:54.876
with the picture.

00:10:54.876 --> 00:10:57.667
It went everywhere.

00:10:57.667 --> 00:11:01.667
(Leora)
With social media,
there is a lot of pressure

00:11:01.667 --> 00:11:03.501
for young females in particular

00:11:03.501 --> 00:11:06.999
to display their bodies
all the time.

00:11:06.999 --> 00:11:09.334
And yet they don't
really control their image

00:11:09.334 --> 00:11:11.959
because the consumers
of that image

00:11:11.959 --> 00:11:14.417
who may be their peers
and may be their friends

00:11:14.417 --> 00:11:15.792
can turn that around and say,

00:11:15.792 --> 00:11:18.250
"Oh, my God,
she looks like such a slut."

00:11:18.250 --> 00:11:22.125
This is a no-win situation
for girls and women

00:11:22.125 --> 00:11:23.751
because we grow up being taught

00:11:23.751 --> 00:11:25.999
that we are as good
as our bodies,

00:11:25.999 --> 00:11:31.292
that to be an attractive,
valuable, desirable woman

00:11:31.292 --> 00:11:31.999
is to be sexy.

00:11:31.999 --> 00:11:35.792
So when they end up taking
selfies and posing on their beds

00:11:35.792 --> 00:11:37.751
and being sexy,
what they have done

00:11:37.751 --> 00:11:42.417
is successfully learned
really complicated social rules,

00:11:42.417 --> 00:11:45.167
and then we tell them
that they're terrible sluts

00:11:45.167 --> 00:11:46.417
for having learned those rules.

00:11:46.417 --> 00:11:49.542
If your friends, you know, say,
"Hey, this'll be fun.

00:11:49.542 --> 00:11:50.999
"Let's post
some pictures of ourselves,

00:11:50.999 --> 00:11:52.999
send it to someone online,"

00:11:52.999 --> 00:11:56.375
it still doesn't give them
a right to then post it.

00:11:56.375 --> 00:11:58.959
(man)
A hacker puts
Jennifer Lawrence's

00:11:58.959 --> 00:12:00.209
naked photos online?

00:12:00.209 --> 00:12:01.417
Just because she is a celebrity

00:12:01.417 --> 00:12:05.417
doesn't mean she asked for this
or that it was her choice.

00:12:12.334 --> 00:12:13.999
It's not only comments

00:12:13.999 --> 00:12:16.999
toward a 15-year-old girl's
selfie.

00:12:16.999 --> 00:12:19.876
It includes women
who are journalists,

00:12:19.876 --> 00:12:22.417
who are political activists,
who are writers.

00:12:22.417 --> 00:12:26.334
Writing while female
is enough to see

00:12:26.334 --> 00:12:29.542
a slew of bullying comments
that focus

00:12:29.542 --> 00:12:31.834
not on the content
of what she's written

00:12:31.834 --> 00:12:34.999
but on how she looks
or doesn't look

00:12:34.999 --> 00:12:38.167
and "I bet you're a slut."

00:12:45.792 --> 00:12:47.626
[horn honks]

00:12:48.000 --> 00:12:51.375
(N'jaila)
I was a 16-year-old girl
who'd never kissed a boy,

00:12:51.375 --> 00:12:52.999
never really even,
like, held hands,

00:12:52.999 --> 00:12:56.292
so, for me,
it was a huge shock

00:12:56.292 --> 00:12:58.542
that after this happened,

00:12:58.542 --> 00:12:59.667
suddenly I was a slut.

00:12:59.667 --> 00:13:02.999
When I was in high school, I was
a survivor of sexual assault.

00:13:02.999 --> 00:13:07.709
My parents, they were coming
from a very different place.

00:13:07.709 --> 00:13:08.999
Instead of pressing charges,
they were like,

00:13:08.999 --> 00:13:11.667
"Oh, well, we have to meet with
his parents and talk it out."

00:13:11.667 --> 00:13:15.542
That's what they thought
the right thing to do was.

00:13:15.542 --> 00:13:17.999
I was like, for me,
they had no--

00:13:17.999 --> 00:13:20.792
just had no idea
what to do.

00:13:20.792 --> 00:13:22.999
I don't think
that parents and teachers get

00:13:22.999 --> 00:13:29.250
the proper training or education
to deal with sexual assault

00:13:29.250 --> 00:13:32.375
or sexual harassment in schools.

00:13:32.375 --> 00:13:34.792
I think we live in
such a sexual society right now,

00:13:34.792 --> 00:13:38.709
and so you would expect everyone
knows everything about sex,

00:13:38.709 --> 00:13:39.999
but it's the exact opposite.

00:13:39.999 --> 00:13:41.999
There's so much
false information out there

00:13:41.999 --> 00:13:45.125
from movies and from books
and from magazines.

00:13:45.125 --> 00:13:50.501
Especially if you don't have
enough information about it,

00:13:50.501 --> 00:13:51.542
sex is frightening.

00:13:51.542 --> 00:13:53.999
Even if you do have a fair
amount of information about it.

00:13:53.999 --> 00:13:58.000
Until you really feel like
you get good at it, it's scary.

00:13:58.000 --> 00:13:59.999
When students are graduating
from high school

00:13:59.999 --> 00:14:02.042
and even graduating
from college,

00:14:02.042 --> 00:14:04.083
they're coming
out of an educational system

00:14:04.083 --> 00:14:09.876
maybe at best knowing
some basics about birth control.

00:14:09.876 --> 00:14:11.125
You all know what sperm is?

00:14:11.125 --> 00:14:14.709
Yeah, it's the guy's part
of a baby, isn't it?

00:14:14.709 --> 00:14:15.626
That's right.

00:14:15.626 --> 00:14:19.334
But how does it get out
from the testicles?

00:14:19.334 --> 00:14:20.918
Through tubes here.

00:14:20.918 --> 00:14:23.584
We are missing an opportunity
for us to become

00:14:23.584 --> 00:14:25.584
not only sexually educated,

00:14:25.584 --> 00:14:26.999
but we're also missing
the possibility of us having

00:14:26.999 --> 00:14:30.000
better, more fulfilling,
honest, authentic relationships

00:14:30.000 --> 00:14:32.834
with our partners
when we do become sexual.

00:14:32.834 --> 00:14:33.999
Young people ask me
all the time,

00:14:33.999 --> 00:14:35.834
like, "How do I know
I'm ready to have sex?"

00:14:35.834 --> 00:14:37.999
Like, A, if you cannot
talk about sex,

00:14:37.999 --> 00:14:39.542
you are not ready to have sex.

00:14:39.542 --> 00:14:40.667
If you can't say
to your partner,

00:14:40.667 --> 00:14:42.417
"When was the last time
you were tested?

00:14:42.417 --> 00:14:43.501
"Can we get tested together?

00:14:43.501 --> 00:14:44.999
"This is what I like
when it comes to sex,

00:14:44.999 --> 00:14:46.000
and this is what I don't like,"

00:14:46.000 --> 00:14:47.501
then you should not
be having sex,

00:14:47.501 --> 00:14:49.999
because you need to be able to
have those conversations first.

00:14:49.999 --> 00:14:53.667
If we have comprehensive,
sex-positive education,

00:14:53.667 --> 00:14:57.626
incorporating things like
talking about LGBT studies,

00:14:57.626 --> 00:15:01.999
pleasure, communication,
decision making,

00:15:01.999 --> 00:15:03.959
discussing sexual shaming
and slut shaming

00:15:03.959 --> 00:15:06.000
and how bullying
is present in our schools,

00:15:06.000 --> 00:15:07.999
we aren't talking
about this enough.

00:15:07.999 --> 00:15:10.751
We aren't educating
our kids enough.

00:15:10.751 --> 00:15:13.999
[soft piano music]

00:15:13.999 --> 00:15:16.999
♪

00:15:17.709 --> 00:15:19.999
(woman)
I went to a bar in Park Slope,

00:15:19.999 --> 00:15:23.042
and, um, I was drinking
a little bit.

00:15:23.042 --> 00:15:25.083
There was a guy there
that I thought

00:15:25.083 --> 00:15:26.999
was friends with my friend.

00:15:26.999 --> 00:15:28.626
We weren't flirting or anything.

00:15:28.626 --> 00:15:30.209
There was, like,
no sexual tension.

00:15:30.209 --> 00:15:31.918
And then I was outside
smoking a cigarette,

00:15:31.918 --> 00:15:35.876
and he said that there was
a line for the bathroom inside,

00:15:35.876 --> 00:15:37.999
and he offered to do a bump
in his car,

00:15:37.999 --> 00:15:40.000
which was right
in front of the bar.

00:15:40.000 --> 00:15:41.999
And I was
a little hesitant at first

00:15:41.999 --> 00:15:43.918
and did not listen
to my intuition,

00:15:43.918 --> 00:15:45.751
but as soon as he--
we got into the car,

00:15:45.751 --> 00:15:47.000
he locked the door
and drove off.

00:15:47.000 --> 00:15:51.042
I was very afraid of him,
so I texted my friend for help

00:15:51.042 --> 00:15:54.501
and told him
to please turn around.

00:15:54.501 --> 00:15:56.876
I felt like
it was better to calmly,

00:15:56.876 --> 00:15:58.584
you know,
tell him to drive me back

00:15:58.584 --> 00:16:00.918
and tell my friends
what was happening

00:16:00.918 --> 00:16:03.999
than to start screaming
and, like, fighting

00:16:03.999 --> 00:16:06.834
because he was
stronger than me physically.

00:16:06.834 --> 00:16:08.709
When it was clear
that he was trying to rape me,

00:16:08.709 --> 00:16:11.042
you know, then I did fight back
a lot physically,

00:16:11.042 --> 00:16:15.834
and I told him to stop
and was beaten up a little bit,

00:16:15.834 --> 00:16:19.167
mostly punched and slapped
and choked,

00:16:19.167 --> 00:16:23.918
and I was pretty much
begging for my life.

00:16:23.918 --> 00:16:25.999
The next day
I did go to the police

00:16:25.999 --> 00:16:28.667
and went to the hospital
and got a rape kit.

00:16:28.667 --> 00:16:29.292
Once I reported it,

00:16:29.292 --> 00:16:33.792
they linked him
to two other sexual assaults.

00:16:33.792 --> 00:16:36.792
Me and one of the other girls,
we testified to the grand jury,

00:16:36.792 --> 00:16:40.999
and they decided
that it was a clear enough case

00:16:40.999 --> 00:16:41.999
to move on to trial.

00:16:41.999 --> 00:16:45.709
I was expecting to take
some heat for doing drugs,

00:16:45.709 --> 00:16:50.083
but instead, a lot of the focus
with the rape case

00:16:50.083 --> 00:16:51.999
was mostly on my appearance,

00:16:51.999 --> 00:16:53.999
the clothing that I wore,
and my character.

00:16:53.999 --> 00:16:57.959
So-called evidence against
my character were pictures of me

00:16:57.959 --> 00:17:02.292
that the defense attorney took
from Facebook and the Internet

00:17:02.292 --> 00:17:06.042
that were supposed to show
what a party girl I was

00:17:06.042 --> 00:17:07.999
and how promiscuous I was.

00:17:07.999 --> 00:17:09.292
They didn't take
everyday pictures of me.

00:17:09.292 --> 00:17:14.792
They instead focused on photos
of me from parties, Halloween,

00:17:14.792 --> 00:17:16.999
special occasions
where I would be dressed

00:17:16.999 --> 00:17:18.999
a little bit more revealing.

00:17:18.999 --> 00:17:20.999
You could probably find
a picture of any woman

00:17:20.999 --> 00:17:23.709
that would prove that
they deserved to get raped.

00:17:23.709 --> 00:17:26.083
No one says,
"Oh, you were robbed.

00:17:26.083 --> 00:17:28.999
"Well, what were you doing

00:17:28.999 --> 00:17:31.999
"with those nice clothes on?

00:17:31.999 --> 00:17:33.834
"Why were you at an ATM?

00:17:33.834 --> 00:17:36.083
"You know, why were you
driving a nice car?

00:17:36.083 --> 00:17:39.667
Don't you realize that
you were asking to be robbed?"

00:17:39.667 --> 00:17:43.250
No one does that, but when it
comes to the subject of assault,

00:17:43.250 --> 00:17:46.999
there is that certain
almost assumption

00:17:46.999 --> 00:17:51.209
that the victim was deserving
of it, looking for it,

00:17:51.209 --> 00:17:55.250
or didn't do everything
she could to avoid it.

00:17:55.250 --> 00:17:58.000
Once a woman or a girl
gets labeled a slut,

00:17:58.000 --> 00:18:00.959
then there are still
people who think

00:18:00.959 --> 00:18:02.250
that a slut can't be raped.

00:18:02.250 --> 00:18:05.999
Once she gave it up, she's
willing to give it up to anyone,

00:18:05.999 --> 00:18:09.042
that she's given consent
in perpetuity.

00:18:09.042 --> 00:18:10.999
You know, you don't want
to dress too sexy

00:18:10.999 --> 00:18:14.334
because it's basically
men can't handle themselves,

00:18:14.334 --> 00:18:15.334
and I don't buy that.

00:18:15.334 --> 00:18:18.918
The whole "she's asking for it"
attitude is very degrading,

00:18:18.918 --> 00:18:20.417
not only to women
but also to men.

00:18:20.417 --> 00:18:24.918
It pegs men as these creatures
who can't control themselves

00:18:24.918 --> 00:18:27.209
and kind of degrading them
to animals.

00:18:27.209 --> 00:18:28.125
That is one issue I have

00:18:28.125 --> 00:18:29.417
a really hard time with
with my church.

00:18:29.417 --> 00:18:32.876
Young women are taught that
they need to cover themselves

00:18:32.876 --> 00:18:34.999
to stay virtuous
and to be modest,

00:18:34.999 --> 00:18:37.125
so the young men
don't look at them

00:18:37.125 --> 00:18:38.999
because the young men
will be tempted.

00:18:38.999 --> 00:18:41.999
And I just feel like
that's the wrong message.

00:18:41.999 --> 00:18:43.334
It's completely
the wrong message.

00:18:43.334 --> 00:18:46.667
I can't help it
if my daughter's beautiful.

00:18:46.667 --> 00:18:49.125
That's just the way she came.
I'm proud of her.

00:18:49.125 --> 00:18:51.626
But it's not her responsibility
to make sure,

00:18:51.626 --> 00:18:54.375
as she goes out in society,
that she's covered up.

00:18:54.375 --> 00:18:56.459
She needs to be proud
of who she is,

00:18:56.459 --> 00:18:58.999
and then the men
need to take responsibility

00:18:58.999 --> 00:19:00.999
for their reaction.

00:19:00.999 --> 00:19:04.250
[choir sings]

00:19:04.250 --> 00:19:06.000
♪

00:19:06.584 --> 00:19:09.083
(N'jaila)
I had, like,
a robust church family,

00:19:09.083 --> 00:19:12.918
and then suddenly, they were
kind of retreating from me.

00:19:12.918 --> 00:19:17.999
When people suddenly started
treating me like a pariah,

00:19:17.999 --> 00:19:20.209
it made me know that,
really,

00:19:20.209 --> 00:19:23.334
what they were doing were trying
to separate themselves

00:19:23.334 --> 00:19:27.000
from that icky abnormality
that they saw me as.

00:19:27.000 --> 00:19:30.626
Religion puts women in two
boxes--the Madonna or the whore,

00:19:30.626 --> 00:19:32.999
and it doesn't really matter
what your denomination is.

00:19:32.999 --> 00:19:36.042
It's these are the two ways
that women get to be women

00:19:36.042 --> 00:19:37.000
through biblical stories,

00:19:37.000 --> 00:19:38.999
and you can only be one
or the other.

00:19:38.999 --> 00:19:41.209
The fact that there are
these two tiny little boxes

00:19:41.209 --> 00:19:45.292
make it so difficult, even for
progressive religious women,

00:19:45.292 --> 00:19:47.125
to find a space
for their sexuality.

00:19:47.125 --> 00:19:50.918
Many women feel like they have
to become that virginal, chaste,

00:19:50.918 --> 00:19:53.999
pure mother figure
in order to capture the good guy

00:19:53.999 --> 00:19:56.834
or the guy who's going
to be a good father

00:19:56.834 --> 00:19:57.918
and a family man.

00:19:57.918 --> 00:19:59.999
(Melissa)
People who have
Christian beliefs

00:19:59.999 --> 00:20:03.125
carry a lot of the same baggage
of that shame

00:20:03.125 --> 00:20:05.209
and that guilt that they have,

00:20:05.209 --> 00:20:06.334
being brought up in the idea

00:20:06.334 --> 00:20:07.999
that you need
to wait for marriage,

00:20:07.999 --> 00:20:09.626
there are certain things
that you don't do in marriage.

00:20:09.626 --> 00:20:11.999
You can't be, like,
a full being

00:20:11.999 --> 00:20:13.999
that has a sex life
and loves God.

00:20:13.999 --> 00:20:15.417
In my mind,
that would be the ideal.

00:20:15.417 --> 00:20:16.999
Like, I love sex,
and I love God,

00:20:16.999 --> 00:20:19.542
'cause God created sex
and it was good.

00:20:19.542 --> 00:20:23.417
At first, it was
such a shocking betrayal,

00:20:23.417 --> 00:20:28.334
but then I realized that
it's really human nature

00:20:28.334 --> 00:20:30.459
in dealing with the unknown.

00:20:30.459 --> 00:20:35.999
So I think, a lot of time,
slut shaming is fear.

00:20:35.999 --> 00:20:39.042
[soft piano music]

00:20:39.042 --> 00:20:41.292
♪

00:20:41.292 --> 00:20:43.209
[camera shutter clicks]

00:20:43.209 --> 00:20:44.042
♪ ♪

00:20:44.042 --> 00:20:46.959
(Leah)
She didn't go back after
that day the photo came out.

00:20:46.959 --> 00:20:49.876
Then a friend
from across the street,

00:20:49.876 --> 00:20:51.375
known her
since she was five years old,

00:20:51.375 --> 00:20:54.501
and she put
on her Facebook status, uh,

00:20:54.501 --> 00:20:57.834
"Sluts need
to leave this school anyway."

00:20:57.834 --> 00:20:58.999
She was devastated.

00:20:58.999 --> 00:21:00.250
She was afraid
to leave the house.

00:21:00.250 --> 00:21:03.999
(Glen)
When I think of the life she had
before she was assaulted,

00:21:03.999 --> 00:21:06.999
where school was just
absolutely vital to her,

00:21:06.999 --> 00:21:08.209
she was very social--

00:21:08.209 --> 00:21:10.042
when this happened to her,
she lost that,

00:21:10.042 --> 00:21:13.292
and it was almost like
she lost a sense of who she was.

00:21:13.292 --> 00:21:14.999
She lost this huge connection,

00:21:14.999 --> 00:21:17.999
this huge social part
of her life.

00:21:17.999 --> 00:21:18.999
Just ended.

00:21:18.999 --> 00:21:19.959
It was horrendous.

00:21:19.959 --> 00:21:22.459
It would be horrendous
for anyone to deal with--

00:21:22.459 --> 00:21:24.501
you know, me, you, anybody--

00:21:24.501 --> 00:21:28.375
but for a little girl,
how is she gonna endure that?

00:21:28.375 --> 00:21:31.375
You know, she's only a child,
and she was raped.

00:21:31.375 --> 00:21:35.083
And then not only was she raped,
but then she's isolated.

00:21:35.083 --> 00:21:38.000
And, you know,
how do you handle that?

00:21:38.000 --> 00:21:40.626
People just didn't want
to be friends

00:21:40.626 --> 00:21:42.501
with that one girl
that got bullied

00:21:42.501 --> 00:21:45.999
and that one girl that was
just easy to point the finger at

00:21:45.999 --> 00:21:47.334
and be like,
"Oh, it's all your fault

00:21:47.334 --> 00:21:48.584
that this happened to you."

00:21:48.584 --> 00:21:51.209
A girl texted her a message

00:21:51.209 --> 00:21:53.375
asking who it was
who assaulted her.

00:21:53.375 --> 00:21:56.209
And Rehtaeh responded,
and the girl wrote back,

00:21:56.209 --> 00:21:57.626
and, "He did the same thing
to me."

00:21:57.626 --> 00:21:58.999
And Rehtaeh was like,
you know,

00:21:58.999 --> 00:22:00.959
"You've got to go to the police.
You have to.

00:22:00.959 --> 00:22:02.167
"This is
an open investigation still.

00:22:02.167 --> 00:22:03.999
You've gotta go.
Please go to the police."

00:22:03.999 --> 00:22:07.626
And the girl's response was,
"After what I saw happen to you,

00:22:07.626 --> 00:22:08.417
why would I?"

00:22:08.417 --> 00:22:10.417
And you really need
to think about that.

00:22:10.417 --> 00:22:13.167
(Leah)
So we enrolled her
in a new school.

00:22:13.167 --> 00:22:15.167
She didn't know anybody
at that high school.

00:22:15.167 --> 00:22:18.999
When she was there, the story
had already gotten there.

00:22:18.999 --> 00:22:21.667
A lot of it happened
over the Internet.

00:22:21.667 --> 00:22:26.334
There were some people
that took it beyond that

00:22:26.334 --> 00:22:28.292
and bullied her in person,

00:22:28.292 --> 00:22:31.000
put her down,
and made her feel worthless.

00:22:31.000 --> 00:22:33.000
She was really angry.

00:22:33.000 --> 00:22:36.999
She tried to act tough,
and deep on the inside,

00:22:36.999 --> 00:22:38.626
it hurt her a lot.

00:22:38.626 --> 00:22:42.999
Soon as she turned 16--'cause
she was 15 when this happened,

00:22:42.999 --> 00:22:44.292
her birthday was in December--

00:22:44.292 --> 00:22:46.542
that's when
she started counseling.

00:22:46.542 --> 00:22:48.667
She was like,
"I went to see that counselor.

00:22:48.667 --> 00:22:49.459
It didn't help,"

00:22:49.459 --> 00:22:51.167
not realizing that healing
from something like this

00:22:51.167 --> 00:22:54.709
is not an appointment,
it's a process, it's a journey.

00:22:54.709 --> 00:22:56.999
It's gonna take a long time
sometimes.

00:22:56.999 --> 00:22:58.250
So she said she was suicidal

00:22:58.250 --> 00:23:00.125
and that she needed
to be in a hospital.

00:23:00.125 --> 00:23:03.209
We went to the hospital, and she
had to talk to a psychiatrist,

00:23:03.209 --> 00:23:07.501
and I had no idea, no idea
that she had gone this far.

00:23:07.501 --> 00:23:11.999
Cocaine, LSD, heroin,
bennies, pot, hash.

00:23:11.999 --> 00:23:15.000
It was basically anything
she could get her hands on.

00:23:15.000 --> 00:23:16.542
She had depression pills,

00:23:16.542 --> 00:23:19.334
but she was like,
"They don't work.

00:23:19.334 --> 00:23:20.999
They're not working."

00:23:20.999 --> 00:23:22.834
So then she'd say, "Screw it.

00:23:22.834 --> 00:23:24.459
"I'm gonna go have
a couple beers

00:23:24.459 --> 00:23:28.751
or try to find something
to substitute 'em."

00:23:28.751 --> 00:23:31.125
When a girl is labeled a slut,

00:23:31.125 --> 00:23:35.459
almost inevitably,
she turns to coping mechanisms

00:23:35.459 --> 00:23:37.292
that are harmful to herself.

00:23:37.292 --> 00:23:43.334
Girls who turn to alcohol,
to drugs, to disordered eating--

00:23:43.334 --> 00:23:47.334
many girls become severely
and clinically depressed

00:23:47.334 --> 00:23:48.292
to the point where

00:23:48.292 --> 00:23:51.918
they contemplate taking
their own life.

00:23:54.459 --> 00:23:57.999
[soft guitar music]

00:23:57.999 --> 00:24:00.918
♪

00:24:00.918 --> 00:24:04.000
(Allyson)
Like, having to wake up
every day and go to school,

00:24:04.000 --> 00:24:04.999
it was like living hell.

00:24:04.999 --> 00:24:07.834
It was like
walking into a war zone.

00:24:07.834 --> 00:24:11.125
And I used to have to beg, like,
my one friend to walk with me

00:24:11.125 --> 00:24:13.000
from class to class,
even to the bathroom,

00:24:13.000 --> 00:24:15.501
because I was getting
death threats,

00:24:15.501 --> 00:24:19.167
people were threatening
to beat me up.

00:24:19.167 --> 00:24:23.334
Six months after the picture,
the seniors had graduated,

00:24:23.334 --> 00:24:25.083
and it was a new school year,
so I thought

00:24:25.083 --> 00:24:28.792
things would get better,
and they hadn't.

00:24:28.792 --> 00:24:30.417
(Shira)
There's that in group,
out group.

00:24:30.417 --> 00:24:35.417
People want to belong so badly
that one quick way of belonging

00:24:35.417 --> 00:24:36.667
is by excluding somebody else,

00:24:36.667 --> 00:24:39.375
and "slut" is a really quick way
to do that.

00:24:39.375 --> 00:24:41.834
When you call someone a slut,
you don't have to see them

00:24:41.834 --> 00:24:43.542
as a whole person
with a history.

00:24:43.542 --> 00:24:44.834
We live
in a patriarchal society,

00:24:44.834 --> 00:24:46.876
and women are trying to find
places where they can fit

00:24:46.876 --> 00:24:49.292
and be acceptable,
and the best way to do that

00:24:49.292 --> 00:24:50.584
is to put someone else down.

00:24:50.584 --> 00:24:52.000
As long as there are bitches
over there,

00:24:52.000 --> 00:24:53.417
as long as there are sluts
over there,

00:24:53.417 --> 00:24:55.959
then, like, you're safe,
because you are not one of them,

00:24:55.959 --> 00:24:57.876
and that's what makes "slut,"
like, so easy.

00:24:57.876 --> 00:24:59.250
It's just--
it's a stereotype

00:24:59.250 --> 00:25:00.959
that's just one part
of the story,

00:25:00.959 --> 00:25:02.459
and because
it's such a powerful word,

00:25:02.459 --> 00:25:05.209
we don't have to focus on the
rest of the story--no one cares.

00:25:05.209 --> 00:25:06.584
You say "slut,"
and everyone's images

00:25:06.584 --> 00:25:07.918
come up in their head of "slut."

00:25:07.918 --> 00:25:09.876
It's like, "Oh, girl, I don't
need to hear the rest of that.

00:25:09.876 --> 00:25:12.292
I know what you're talking
about--I know that type."

00:25:12.292 --> 00:25:15.501
[sultry music]

00:25:15.501 --> 00:25:16.083
♪

00:25:16.083 --> 00:25:21.292
(Carol)
A woman who has taken the reins
of her own sexuality

00:25:21.292 --> 00:25:23.709
is threatening
in particular ways,

00:25:23.709 --> 00:25:26.000
and a boy who is not masculine

00:25:26.000 --> 00:25:29.751
is threatening and freaky
in particular ways

00:25:29.751 --> 00:25:31.459
to people
who are trying very hard

00:25:31.459 --> 00:25:35.999
to stay within the bounds
of gender conformity.

00:25:35.999 --> 00:25:40.292
And that's one
of the profound ways you conform

00:25:40.292 --> 00:25:42.542
in high school, right?

00:25:42.542 --> 00:25:45.834
(Allyson)
So many people just think,
"Not my kid, not my town,"

00:25:45.834 --> 00:25:48.999
and I'm living proof
it can happen to your town.

00:25:48.999 --> 00:25:51.417
I mean,
I was a straight-A student.

00:25:51.417 --> 00:25:53.375
I had really strict parents.

00:25:53.375 --> 00:25:55.209
I went to church every Sunday.

00:25:55.209 --> 00:25:56.751
And I didn't even own
a camera phone,

00:25:56.751 --> 00:26:00.209
and I still had a picture
that went viral

00:26:00.209 --> 00:26:02.292
ruin my reputation.

00:26:02.292 --> 00:26:04.667
It just got so bad
to the point where,

00:26:04.667 --> 00:26:08.209
in December, I just took
a whole bottle of pills.

00:26:08.209 --> 00:26:10.751
Like, I wanted my life
to be over with.

00:26:10.751 --> 00:26:13.334
I remember just taking each
pill--I took, like, 14 pills--

00:26:13.334 --> 00:26:16.667
and just taking one by one,
and then I got scared,

00:26:16.667 --> 00:26:19.209
and then I called my mom.

00:26:28.167 --> 00:26:30.834
April 4, 2013,

00:26:30.834 --> 00:26:32.459
a bunch of friends
were out together.

00:26:32.459 --> 00:26:33.792
Rehtaeh's boyfriend
was with her.

00:26:33.792 --> 00:26:37.751
(Jenna)
We went for a walk
with a couple of people,

00:26:37.751 --> 00:26:39.999
and this one guy
was picking on her.

00:26:39.999 --> 00:26:44.083
He didn't mean to hurt her,
but it's just the way he is.

00:26:44.083 --> 00:26:45.709
(Leah)
And she got mad at her boyfriend

00:26:45.709 --> 00:26:47.083
'cause he didn't
stick up for her.

00:26:47.083 --> 00:26:49.959
At about 10:20 that evening,
I texted her--

00:26:49.959 --> 00:26:50.999
she had to be home at 10:30--

00:26:50.999 --> 00:26:52.876
just to say,
"Are you on your way?"

00:26:52.876 --> 00:26:55.417
And she's like, "I'm just--
I'm on the street.

00:26:55.417 --> 00:26:56.667
I'm on my way home."

00:26:56.667 --> 00:26:58.000
And then after that,

00:26:58.000 --> 00:26:59.667
I heard her and Jenna come in.

00:26:59.667 --> 00:27:01.542
So this whole time,
she's on the phone

00:27:01.542 --> 00:27:03.751
arguing with her boyfriend.

00:27:03.751 --> 00:27:06.876
(Jenna)
She was so upset and depressed,

00:27:06.876 --> 00:27:09.751
and she told me--
she looked me in the face.

00:27:09.751 --> 00:27:11.584
She goes,
"Jenna, I'm gonna kill myself,"

00:27:11.584 --> 00:27:14.918
and then runs to the bathroom
and locks the door on me.

00:27:14.918 --> 00:27:18.834
And I'm sitting there crying
and banging on the door,

00:27:18.834 --> 00:27:20.876
and it was terrible,
it was so scary,

00:27:20.876 --> 00:27:23.584
'cause I don't know
if she's being serious or not.

00:27:23.584 --> 00:27:25.417
(Leah)
And Jenna was like,
"No, Rehtaeh, don't,"

00:27:25.417 --> 00:27:27.918
and she was talking to her
through the door.

00:27:27.918 --> 00:27:29.501
"I love you.
Your mother lo--

00:27:29.501 --> 00:27:32.542
We all love you.
You can't do this."

00:27:32.542 --> 00:27:35.792
And she said at first,
she was talking back to her

00:27:35.792 --> 00:27:37.709
and then nothing.

00:27:37.709 --> 00:27:39.751
(Jenna)
I look underneath the crack,

00:27:39.751 --> 00:27:41.667
and I see her
just sitting there.

00:27:41.667 --> 00:27:45.999
And all of a sudden,
I hear choking--her choking.

00:27:45.999 --> 00:27:46.999
I'm, like, panicking,

00:27:46.999 --> 00:27:49.292
and I'm like, "Open the door.
Open the door."

00:27:49.292 --> 00:27:50.167
I don't hear anything.

00:27:50.167 --> 00:27:53.999
(Leah)
So I got dressed, came upstairs.

00:27:53.999 --> 00:27:56.375
[voice breaks]
And I broke the door open,

00:27:56.375 --> 00:28:00.167
and she was hanging.

00:28:03.709 --> 00:28:04.999
And I didn't let Jenna come in,

00:28:04.999 --> 00:28:07.542
'cause she was on the back
of the door.

00:28:07.542 --> 00:28:10.542
And then I--
I think I went into shock.

00:28:10.542 --> 00:28:11.792
[siren wails]
[heart monitor beeping]

00:28:11.792 --> 00:28:13.292
They finally got a weak pulse

00:28:13.292 --> 00:28:14.959
and moved her to the ambulance

00:28:14.959 --> 00:28:16.999
to get her to the hospital.

00:28:16.999 --> 00:28:20.292
And then--that was April 4th
that it happened,

00:28:20.292 --> 00:28:24.334
and April 7th, in the evening,

00:28:24.334 --> 00:28:28.000
they said, "She's brain-dead."

00:28:35.626 --> 00:28:36.542
[crow caws]

00:28:36.542 --> 00:28:38.999
After she died, the boy
in the photograph with her,

00:28:38.999 --> 00:28:41.999
he wrote Rehtaeh's mother
on Facebook,

00:28:41.999 --> 00:28:42.918
"I want to talk to you."

00:28:42.918 --> 00:28:44.542
So then he went, and he said,

00:28:44.542 --> 00:28:45.667
"Well, you might not like this,

00:28:45.667 --> 00:28:48.375
but this is what happened
that night."

00:28:48.375 --> 00:28:51.667
That message is
a new piece of evidence

00:28:51.667 --> 00:28:53.000
that the police reopened
the case with.

00:28:53.000 --> 00:28:55.334
(male reporter)
Last night, local police
and RCMP announced

00:28:55.334 --> 00:28:59.417
that someone had come forward
with new information

00:28:59.417 --> 00:29:01.834
prompting them to reopen
Rehtaeh's case.

00:29:01.834 --> 00:29:03.667
(Glenn)
The police reopened
the investigation.

00:29:03.667 --> 00:29:07.918
They said, "We charged them
with production and distribution

00:29:07.918 --> 00:29:10.792
of child porn,
but we have no evidence

00:29:10.792 --> 00:29:14.125
to substantiate
a charge of sexual assault."

00:29:14.125 --> 00:29:15.459
And that's what they said.

00:29:15.459 --> 00:29:18.584
What I believe it came down to
was Rehtaeh's friend,

00:29:18.584 --> 00:29:19.918
that she went
to the sleepover with,

00:29:19.918 --> 00:29:22.083
and this is one of the only
people the police spoke to,

00:29:22.083 --> 00:29:24.584
so they have what they believe
is a witness

00:29:24.584 --> 00:29:26.999
who says the sex that night
was consensual.

00:29:26.999 --> 00:29:30.667
The Chronicle Herald!went
and interviewed this girl,

00:29:30.667 --> 00:29:32.000
and when they went
to talk to her, they said,

00:29:32.000 --> 00:29:34.999
"You said that, you know,
the sex was consensual.

00:29:34.999 --> 00:29:37.375
What do you actually mean
by that?"

00:29:37.375 --> 00:29:38.999
And the girl said,
"Well, it's consensual,

00:29:38.999 --> 00:29:41.000
"because she wasn't kicking,
screaming, and fighting,

00:29:41.000 --> 00:29:42.834
"and when you're being raped,
you're obviously

00:29:42.834 --> 00:29:43.999
kicking, screaming,
and fighting."

00:29:43.999 --> 00:29:46.751
You're having sex with a girl
who has to be carried,

00:29:46.751 --> 00:29:50.000
and she's throwing up,
and that's what that girl meant

00:29:50.000 --> 00:29:52.042
when she said
the sex was consensual.

00:29:52.042 --> 00:29:54.459
They don't know what consent is.

00:29:54.459 --> 00:29:55.584
And I believe, in their mind,

00:29:55.584 --> 00:29:58.584
they honestly feel
that they did nothing wrong.

00:29:58.584 --> 00:30:00.209
Boys need to learn
about consent.

00:30:00.209 --> 00:30:04.375
If she's intoxicated,
she can't give consent.

00:30:04.375 --> 00:30:05.709
What consent is and is not--

00:30:05.709 --> 00:30:09.876
it isn't always a direct "yes"
or a direct "no."

00:30:09.876 --> 00:30:13.626
The thinking is,
she does not need to consent

00:30:13.626 --> 00:30:16.000
to sexual activity,

00:30:16.000 --> 00:30:17.584
that it's okay to coerce her,

00:30:17.584 --> 00:30:18.999
that's it's okay to be violent
with her,

00:30:18.999 --> 00:30:21.709
it's okay to force her,
she's just a slut.

00:30:21.709 --> 00:30:23.792
(Leah)
After Rehtaeh died,

00:30:23.792 --> 00:30:24.999
I reached out to the media

00:30:24.999 --> 00:30:26.999
and started telling her story.

00:30:26.999 --> 00:30:29.292
And I was very fortunate--
we were very fortunate

00:30:29.292 --> 00:30:32.459
to have so much support
from around the world.

00:30:32.459 --> 00:30:35.375
(Ivan)
I have three daughters,
15, 9, and 7.

00:30:35.375 --> 00:30:38.959
You know, you have to go
and show support to a family

00:30:38.959 --> 00:30:39.999
that's grieving like that.

00:30:39.999 --> 00:30:41.459
'Cause if I was in their shoes,

00:30:41.459 --> 00:30:44.999
I would want someone to be there
for me like that.

00:30:44.999 --> 00:30:46.876
And then a few days
after I went to the media,

00:30:46.876 --> 00:30:49.542
posters showed up
all along this street.

00:30:49.542 --> 00:30:51.626
"Support the boys."

00:30:51.626 --> 00:30:52.792
"Speak the truth."

00:30:52.792 --> 00:30:55.999
It was all over inside
her high school, everywhere.

00:30:55.999 --> 00:30:58.999
Hate pages put up with Rehtaeh
with a noose around her neck

00:30:58.999 --> 00:31:02.834
and just hateful things said
about her, and, "She lied,"

00:31:02.834 --> 00:31:03.999
and, "What did she think
would happen

00:31:03.999 --> 00:31:05.999
"if she was going to drink
and there's boys?

00:31:05.999 --> 00:31:09.918
Doesn't she know that
that's what's going to happen?"

00:31:09.918 --> 00:31:11.083
And blame, blame, blame.

00:31:11.083 --> 00:31:12.999
Even if you say,
"I'm not sure.

00:31:12.999 --> 00:31:15.792
Was she raped that night,
or wasn't she raped that night?"

00:31:15.792 --> 00:31:18.125
Even if you have a doubt
in your mind,

00:31:18.125 --> 00:31:19.959
she's been traumatized.

00:31:19.959 --> 00:31:20.959
She's now being harassed.

00:31:20.959 --> 00:31:26.999
Why do you feel the need
to shame instead of support?

00:31:32.167 --> 00:31:35.209
Slut shaming
controls and polices

00:31:35.209 --> 00:31:37.834
the kind of sex
that we're supposed to have

00:31:37.834 --> 00:31:40.751
or how much sex
we're supposed to like

00:31:40.751 --> 00:31:42.959
or who we're supposed to be
having it with

00:31:42.959 --> 00:31:43.918
or how many partners

00:31:43.918 --> 00:31:46.876
or whether we're supposed
to be having sex at all.

00:31:46.876 --> 00:31:48.501
I put in about 700 hours

00:31:48.501 --> 00:31:51.667
as a--as a volunteer
over the course of two years.

00:31:51.667 --> 00:31:54.792
I tried my best to help
over a thousand--

00:31:54.792 --> 00:31:56.999
slightly over
a thousand survivors

00:31:56.999 --> 00:32:00.999
of assault, rape,
sexual violence.

00:32:00.999 --> 00:32:02.999
And all of the stories
are different,

00:32:02.999 --> 00:32:05.000
but they seem to have
one common theme,

00:32:05.000 --> 00:32:09.792
which is everyone blamed
themselves to some extent.

00:32:09.792 --> 00:32:12.125
It came to a point
where I finally realized,

00:32:12.125 --> 00:32:13.459
like, it wasn't my fault.

00:32:13.459 --> 00:32:14.876
Like, yeah, I sent the picture,

00:32:14.876 --> 00:32:16.209
and I made a stupid mistake,

00:32:16.209 --> 00:32:18.876
but I didn't deserve
to be treated like that.

00:32:18.876 --> 00:32:21.584
People wanted to tell me
I was a terrible person,

00:32:21.584 --> 00:32:23.709
I was doing something wrong,
it was my fault.

00:32:23.709 --> 00:32:26.000
How people are talking
about whatever happened to you,

00:32:26.000 --> 00:32:27.751
that's not you.
None of that's real.

00:32:27.751 --> 00:32:31.876
And what's heartbreaking about
slut shaming and sexual violence

00:32:31.876 --> 00:32:36.751
is that 100% of these incidents
are avoidable.

00:32:36.751 --> 00:32:37.876
We can stop it.

00:32:37.876 --> 00:32:41.083
It just requires some effort
and some--

00:32:41.083 --> 00:32:45.876
the most basic of human decency.

00:32:48.501 --> 00:32:50.667
[soft piano music]

00:32:50.667 --> 00:32:53.876
The first thing we can do is
work on ourselves.

00:32:53.876 --> 00:32:55.584
People don't take enough time
to look

00:32:55.584 --> 00:32:57.042
at some
of their sexual insecurities,

00:32:57.042 --> 00:32:59.834
some of the difficulties
they're experiencing,

00:32:59.834 --> 00:33:00.999
the judgments they may have,

00:33:00.999 --> 00:33:03.918
the attitudes that
they have acquired over time.

00:33:03.918 --> 00:33:05.167
I think it's important
that we remember

00:33:05.167 --> 00:33:06.999
that we're not going
to solve it overnight,

00:33:06.999 --> 00:33:08.999
and we don't have
to solve it overnight.

00:33:08.999 --> 00:33:11.918
These are big, daunting,
huge problems

00:33:11.918 --> 00:33:12.999
that started before us,

00:33:12.999 --> 00:33:14.999
and hopefully,
by our everyday actions

00:33:14.999 --> 00:33:18.918
and the conversations
that we have, we make changes.

00:33:18.918 --> 00:33:21.417
It's really important
that we create a culture

00:33:21.417 --> 00:33:23.834
where we're not only
punishing the bullies,

00:33:23.834 --> 00:33:27.999
but we're supporting other
people who step up to intervene.

00:33:27.999 --> 00:33:31.083
There was some light being made
about Rohypnols,

00:33:31.083 --> 00:33:33.000
and there was
three or four other people

00:33:33.000 --> 00:33:34.209
in that room besides me.

00:33:34.209 --> 00:33:37.999
I said,
"I don't find the idea

00:33:37.999 --> 00:33:42.375
"of, uh, using a drug
specifically made

00:33:42.375 --> 00:33:47.834
"for lessening someone's ability
to fight off a sexual assault

00:33:47.834 --> 00:33:48.999
to be funny at all."

00:33:48.999 --> 00:33:50.876
I said,
"This is about the worst thing

00:33:50.876 --> 00:33:52.167
you can do to a human being."

00:33:52.167 --> 00:33:55.959
And they stopped, and they went,
"You're right."

00:33:55.959 --> 00:33:59.042
Once we start noticing,
we can't stop noticing.

00:33:59.042 --> 00:34:01.876
We can't not see
the slut shaming

00:34:01.876 --> 00:34:03.999
that is everywhere
in our culture.

00:34:03.999 --> 00:34:05.751
So I caught myself doing it.

00:34:05.751 --> 00:34:08.918
And it was with Beyoncé,
'cause she dances really sexy,

00:34:08.918 --> 00:34:10.042
and I'm like, "Oh, my God."

00:34:10.042 --> 00:34:12.000
Like, "Really,
is this what we want

00:34:12.000 --> 00:34:13.125
our young girls to be doing?"

00:34:13.125 --> 00:34:15.125
And then I thought,
"Who am I?

00:34:15.125 --> 00:34:17.999
Oh, God, I'm doing--
I'm doing it."

00:34:17.999 --> 00:34:18.999
I mean, I'm human.

00:34:18.999 --> 00:34:21.999
I have caught myself
slut shaming

00:34:21.999 --> 00:34:24.083
or judging somebody
as being a slut

00:34:24.083 --> 00:34:26.292
because of how many guys
she's slept with

00:34:26.292 --> 00:34:27.167
or what she's wearing.

00:34:27.167 --> 00:34:30.999
If we teach people about sex

00:34:30.999 --> 00:34:35.292
as not something that's gonna
define you as a person

00:34:35.292 --> 00:34:39.042
but something that's part
of the human experience...

00:34:39.042 --> 00:34:41.667
Slut shaming isn't simply
a female issue.

00:34:41.667 --> 00:34:45.209
This is also a male issue
and, really, a human issue.

00:34:45.209 --> 00:34:47.999
If we're only talking to women
or among women,

00:34:47.999 --> 00:34:50.709
then there's a whole group
of people being left out

00:34:50.709 --> 00:34:53.417
of that conversation who really
need to be part of that.

00:34:53.417 --> 00:34:57.083
The main reason that I'm here is
because I see what's happening,

00:34:57.083 --> 00:35:00.834
and it's kind of like, when you
see something bad happening,

00:35:00.834 --> 00:35:04.751
you want to change it,
you want to do something, right?

00:35:04.751 --> 00:35:06.042
And I want to--
I want to make sure that

00:35:06.042 --> 00:35:09.999
I'm being a part
of the positive change.

00:35:09.999 --> 00:35:13.000
[soft piano music]

00:35:13.000 --> 00:35:14.834
♪

00:35:14.834 --> 00:35:16.459
So I really would hope that

00:35:16.459 --> 00:35:20.751
people start humanizing
each other.

00:35:20.751 --> 00:35:22.999
Start seeking people's stories.

00:35:22.999 --> 00:35:25.999
Start listening
to what people have to say.

00:35:25.999 --> 00:35:28.959
It really became important
to have a voice

00:35:28.959 --> 00:35:31.501
and to give a voice
to other people,

00:35:31.501 --> 00:35:33.792
which is why I went
into journalism.

00:35:33.792 --> 00:35:36.999
So I decided to write
about my rape experience

00:35:36.999 --> 00:35:37.999
for!Vice!magazine,

00:35:37.999 --> 00:35:40.042
because I thought
it was a great platform

00:35:40.042 --> 00:35:43.042
to perhaps change
some people's minds.

00:35:43.042 --> 00:35:45.375
Got a lot of emails
from other rape survivors

00:35:45.375 --> 00:35:48.083
after I wrote
my!Vice!magazine article,

00:35:48.083 --> 00:35:49.999
and it helped them feel
less alone.

00:35:49.999 --> 00:35:52.167
I don't want them
to feel like they are alone.

00:35:52.167 --> 00:35:55.125
I want them to see
that things get better,

00:35:55.125 --> 00:35:58.459
that there is life
after bullying.

00:35:58.459 --> 00:36:01.083
The first time that
I ever really decided

00:36:01.083 --> 00:36:05.417
that I was going to become
an activist and tell my story

00:36:05.417 --> 00:36:07.834
was when I was Googling
on the Internet,

00:36:07.834 --> 00:36:10.209
like, trying to find somebody
who had been through it

00:36:10.209 --> 00:36:12.334
that I could relate to,
and there was nobody.

00:36:12.334 --> 00:36:15.334
There was no books.
There was no stories.

00:36:15.334 --> 00:36:17.918
So I just felt alone.

00:36:17.918 --> 00:36:19.751
♪

00:36:22.083 --> 00:36:23.501
(Emily)
I felt so alone,

00:36:23.501 --> 00:36:26.459
because I didn't have anyone
I could talk to.

00:36:26.459 --> 00:36:29.999
If I had typed, "People are
calling me a slut at school.

00:36:29.999 --> 00:36:31.999
What can I do?"
into Ask Jeeves,

00:36:31.999 --> 00:36:33.999
nothing would have come up
to help me,

00:36:33.999 --> 00:36:37.125
or to connect me with someone
who could help me.

00:36:37.125 --> 00:36:38.459
I mean, there are, of course,

00:36:38.459 --> 00:36:40.999
many wonderful things
about the Internet,

00:36:40.999 --> 00:36:43.918
and one of those things
is that like-minded people

00:36:43.918 --> 00:36:47.250
can find each other and to have
a conversation with each other,

00:36:47.250 --> 00:36:49.334
even if they've never met
in real life.

00:36:49.334 --> 00:36:51.542
I think The UnSlut Project
is perfect,

00:36:51.542 --> 00:36:55.834
because it gives people that
empowerment they need as a group

00:36:55.834 --> 00:36:56.959
to be able to stand together.

00:36:56.959 --> 00:36:59.375
I think if we give
young women confidence

00:36:59.375 --> 00:37:01.999
to own who they are,

00:37:01.999 --> 00:37:05.083
own their truth,
own their sexuality,

00:37:05.083 --> 00:37:07.626
own their mistakes,

00:37:07.626 --> 00:37:11.792
you know,
that's what's real.

00:37:21.209 --> 00:37:23.083
(Emily)
And if you're not comfortable,

00:37:23.083 --> 00:37:25.999
if you're not ready to share
your personal story yet,

00:37:25.999 --> 00:37:29.125
I hope that through your words
and your actions

00:37:29.125 --> 00:37:32.417
you'll invite the people
in your life to speak up

00:37:32.417 --> 00:37:33.667
about what they've gone through

00:37:33.667 --> 00:37:36.000
or what they might be
going through

00:37:36.000 --> 00:37:37.542
and support them

00:37:37.542 --> 00:37:41.542
and hear them,
be there for them.

00:37:41.542 --> 00:37:43.042
Starting with ourselves,

00:37:43.042 --> 00:37:45.626
sharing our personal stories,

00:37:45.626 --> 00:37:50.459
I think these are the first
simple steps that we can take

00:37:50.459 --> 00:37:54.501
toward wide, large-scale,
cultural change

00:37:54.501 --> 00:37:58.417
when it comes to the way
we think about female sexuality.

00:37:58.417 --> 00:38:02.626
And it's my hope that,
in the near future,

00:38:02.626 --> 00:38:07.125
the word "slut" won't even
make sense as an insult.

00:38:07.125 --> 00:38:10.459
[soft guitar music]

00:38:10.459 --> 00:38:15.501
♪

00:38:15.501 --> 00:38:18.584
(girl)
I wanted to share my story,
because sex shaming

00:38:18.584 --> 00:38:20.209
is something that needs
to be addressed.

00:38:20.209 --> 00:38:22.375
(woman)
It honestly look me
until reading this to realize

00:38:22.375 --> 00:38:26.501
that I wasn't alone in feeling
that way in middle school.

00:39:07.542 --> 00:39:10.999
[soft guitar music]

00:39:10.999 --> 00:39:19.042
♪