00:00:15.400 --> 00:00:18.080 line:20%
Sometimes, it feels like we are one.

00:00:18.240 --> 00:00:21.000 line:20%
As if I could read her mind,

00:00:21.160 --> 00:00:23.480 line:20%
feel what she feels.

00:00:26.200 --> 00:00:28.760 line:20%
Sometimes I don't know who she is.

00:00:29.600 --> 00:00:31.680 line:20%
A stranger.

00:00:31.840 --> 00:00:33.840 line:20%
An unknown.

00:00:38.200 --> 00:00:44.720 line:20%
When she turned 60, I booked a trip
to Jurmala, a spa resort in Latvia.

00:00:46.160 --> 00:00:49.200 line:20%
It was just the two of us,
for the first time ever.

00:00:51.400 --> 00:00:54.200 line:20%
In the hotel room, there was
a bottle of chilled champagne

00:00:54.360 --> 00:00:56.840 line:20%
along with some cake
that had soured in the heat.

00:01:01.400 --> 00:01:06.440 line:20%
I thought we would have time to talk
about things we rarely talk about.

00:01:08.040 --> 00:01:10.920 line:20%
I wanted to know more
about the days of her youth.

00:01:11.080 --> 00:01:15.440 line:20%
About the destructive years.
All the sorrows she's experienced.

00:01:18.400 --> 00:01:23.480 line:20%
But even though we had so much time,
we hardly said anything.

00:01:24.800 --> 00:01:27.000 line:20%
She took pictures of me,

00:01:27.160 --> 00:01:30.240 line:20%
experienced everything
through her camera.

00:01:37.200 --> 00:01:40.080 line:20%
The trip resulted in several paintings.

00:01:57.600 --> 00:01:59.600 line:20%
In the corridor, we meet a woman

00:01:59.760 --> 00:02:03.400 line:20%
who tells us that we remind her
of her own mother...

00:02:04.800 --> 00:02:08.160 line:20%
...and how she misses her.

00:02:09.840 --> 00:02:12.520 line:20%
She thinks that we seem so happy.

00:02:41.000 --> 00:02:43.640 line:20%
I wake up when she leaves the room

00:02:43.800 --> 00:02:46.840 line:20%
and walks out to the beach.

00:02:47.000 --> 00:02:50.920 line:20%
From the window,
I see her walking along the shore.

00:03:39.400 --> 00:03:43.640 line:20%
I thought that the only way
to get closer to her...

00:03:46.200 --> 00:03:48.680 line:20%
...could be to make a film.

00:04:33.400 --> 00:04:38.000 line:20%
Marc, could you clean the coffee maker?

00:04:42.960 --> 00:04:47.360 line:20%
- You can do that too.
- I never remember how to do it.

00:04:49.800 --> 00:04:53.320 line:20%
- Right...
- No, I don't remember how to do it.

00:04:54.160 --> 00:04:59.000 line:20%
And you never feed the birds.

00:04:59.160 --> 00:05:02.120 line:20%
Are you comparing those two things?

00:05:02.280 --> 00:05:06.320 line:20%
If you fix the coffee maker,
I'll feed the birds.

00:05:06.480 --> 00:05:10.560 line:20%
- How can you say that?
- I have so much to do in the morning.

00:05:10.720 --> 00:05:15.720 line:20%
- Really? And I don't?
- No, you just read the paper.

00:05:15.880 --> 00:05:20.080 line:20%
- I have to check my emails too.
- Right...

00:05:20.240 --> 00:05:23.920 line:20%
If I did that too, nothing would get done.

00:05:24.080 --> 00:05:30.280 line:20%
No dishes, no cleaning
and the birds wouldn't get fed.

00:05:30.440 --> 00:05:33.880 line:20%
- Right.
- Right, nothing would get done.

00:05:34.040 --> 00:05:37.520 line:20%
So we need to settle who does what.

00:05:39.000 --> 00:05:43.320 line:20%
And you get to do the coffee maker.

00:05:43.480 --> 00:05:46.080 line:20%
Otherwise we can't have coffee later.

00:05:59.400 --> 00:06:01.480 line:20%
I have two younger sisters.

00:06:02.680 --> 00:06:07.200 line:20%
We are often featured in her paintings.

00:07:54.600 --> 00:07:58.760 line:20%
Anyone have a higher bid?
Karin Broos, now at 620,000.

00:07:58.920 --> 00:08:02.160 line:20%
Going, going, gone for 620,000.

00:08:17.880 --> 00:08:20.560 line:20%
- How's it going?
- With what?

00:08:20.720 --> 00:08:25.920 line:20%
- Your exhibit.
- Fine, I guess.

00:08:26.080 --> 00:08:28.960 line:20%
There are lots of people.

00:08:31.640 --> 00:08:32.960 line:20%
Really...

00:08:34.480 --> 00:08:38.480 line:20%
But I need a break.

00:08:41.480 --> 00:08:44.360 line:20%
So I'll just stand here a while.

00:08:50.000 --> 00:08:52.240 line:20%
Mother...

00:08:52.400 --> 00:08:54.920 line:20%
We have a good relationship.

00:08:55.080 --> 00:08:58.280 line:20%
No major conflicts or traumas.

00:09:02.000 --> 00:09:04.840 line:20%
But there is a silence.

00:09:05.000 --> 00:09:07.520 line:20%
So much she's never told me.

00:09:10.400 --> 00:09:13.400 line:20%
Or maybe there just wasn't time.

00:09:13.560 --> 00:09:15.840 line:20%
Time to listen.

00:09:27.000 --> 00:09:31.160 line:20%
I like regular days.

00:09:31.320 --> 00:09:36.560 line:20%
Days that are pretty similar, though
they are never quite the same.

00:09:38.000 --> 00:09:40.400 line:20%
They are always different somehow.

00:09:44.000 --> 00:09:48.400 line:20%
If you didn't have these routines
and took your daily walk,

00:09:48.560 --> 00:09:51.040 line:20%
what would happen?

00:09:51.200 --> 00:09:53.760 line:20%
Are you keeping something
under control?

00:09:53.920 --> 00:09:59.960 line:20%
I'm keeping something under control.
Otherwise there would be chaos...

00:10:04.000 --> 00:10:07.280 line:20%
That I have a hard time dealing with.

00:10:07.440 --> 00:10:13.280 line:20%
It's almost like those destructive...

00:10:13.440 --> 00:10:17.240 line:20%
...emotions from my teen years
come back.

00:10:26.000 --> 00:10:30.640 line:20%
Karin grew up in Malmö
and was a teenager in the 60s.

00:10:31.600 --> 00:10:34.000 line:20%
Experimenting with drugs,

00:10:34.160 --> 00:10:36.560 line:20%
seeking validation from men.

00:10:40.600 --> 00:10:43.320 line:20%
She would often use the names
of women in songs

00:10:43.480 --> 00:10:46.640 line:20%
by Leonard Cohen and Bob Dylan.

00:10:48.000 --> 00:10:52.000 line:20%
A new name for each new man.

00:10:57.000 --> 00:11:01.920 line:20%
Vanishing as fast as she appeared.

00:12:29.560 --> 00:12:36.520 line:20%
"I must realize that my lifestyle
is slowly breaking me down.

00:12:36.680 --> 00:12:41.960 line:20%
If I keep this up,
I'll only live a few more years.

00:12:42.120 --> 00:12:44.520 line:20%
The symptoms are already there:

00:12:44.680 --> 00:12:46.760 line:20%
My period has stopped,
not that it bothers me,

00:12:46.920 --> 00:12:50.680 line:20%
but my stomach, the bleeding,
the blood I vomit daily.

00:12:50.840 --> 00:12:54.200 line:20%
The breathing difficulties,
not only at night.

00:12:54.360 --> 00:12:58.960 line:20%
I can't do anything,
just lie in bed and wait.

00:12:59.120 --> 00:13:00.320 line:20%
For what, I do not know.

00:13:00.480 --> 00:13:02.400 line:20%
And I eat.

00:13:02.560 --> 00:13:05.480 line:20%
The room is empty, just like me.

00:13:05.640 --> 00:13:08.200 line:20%
The solid foundation
is a million miles away.

00:13:08.360 --> 00:13:13.560 line:20%
School, the theatre, my plans
for the summer - nothing matters now.

00:13:13.720 --> 00:13:18.520 line:20%
And this damn body I can't escape from.
Wherever I go, it's there."

00:13:18.680 --> 00:13:23.480 line:20%
- How old were you?
- I was 17 at the time.

00:13:23.640 --> 00:13:29.600 line:20%
That hell, it was
between the ages of 15 and 22.

00:13:29.760 --> 00:13:31.720 line:20%
Seven years.

00:13:33.080 --> 00:13:37.400 line:20%
Seven years of constant... hell.

00:13:37.560 --> 00:13:42.360 line:20%
Well, good things happened too,

00:13:42.520 --> 00:13:47.200 line:20%
but this destroyed so many years.

00:13:48.680 --> 00:13:53.480 line:20%
Even if all I'd eaten was
a tiny piece of cheese, or anything,

00:13:53.640 --> 00:13:57.480 line:20%
it was like I'd stuffed myself.

00:13:57.640 --> 00:14:01.000 line:20%
I couldn't stand having eaten.

00:14:01.160 --> 00:14:05.000 line:20%
As soon as I did, I had to get rid of it.

00:14:05.160 --> 00:14:07.080 line:20%
This was all the time.

00:14:07.240 --> 00:14:10.400 line:20%
Sick behaviour for seven years.

00:14:10.560 --> 00:14:15.440 line:20%
Back then, there wasn't even
a word for bulimia,

00:14:15.600 --> 00:14:21.560 line:20%
so I thought I was mentally ill
and completely alone.

00:14:21.720 --> 00:14:24.920 line:20%
It wasn't until 1981 that I read about it.

00:14:25.080 --> 00:14:28.760 line:20%
What it was and that
there was a name for it.

00:14:28.920 --> 00:14:31.760 line:20%
But I think if you've ever had this...

00:14:31.920 --> 00:14:36.640 line:20%
After seven years
I considered myself cured.

00:14:36.800 --> 00:14:40.680 line:20%
When I started at the Art Academy...

00:14:42.600 --> 00:14:49.040 line:20%
I realized that I
was someone who needed

00:14:49.200 --> 00:14:54.480 line:20%
structure in my life
and then I got better.

00:14:54.640 --> 00:14:59.080 line:20%
But obviously, it's still there.
Just like if you've been a smoker

00:14:59.240 --> 00:15:03.520 line:20%
or an alcoholic, it's there,

00:15:03.680 --> 00:15:06.760 line:20%
you have this fear
of falling back into it.

00:15:06.920 --> 00:15:12.680 line:20%
I haven't, but it's there.

00:15:12.840 --> 00:15:16.880 line:20%
You are very aware of it all the time.

00:15:19.800 --> 00:15:22.800 line:20%
When I was 11,
I put on makeup for the first time.

00:15:24.200 --> 00:15:29.040 line:20%
Mimed to Madonna, Tom Petty
and Lou Reed with my friend Jennie.

00:15:31.400 --> 00:15:35.760 line:20%
Dad filmed us.
We watched ourselves on a monitor.

00:15:37.200 --> 00:15:39.200 line:20%
I wanted to look like my mother,

00:15:39.360 --> 00:15:43.360 line:20%
with red lipstick and black eyeliner.

00:15:47.600 --> 00:15:50.440 line:20%
I was only about 12.

00:15:50.600 --> 00:15:56.000 line:20%
At first, makeup was about
getting into the movies.

00:15:56.160 --> 00:16:00.560 line:20%
To look older. You had to be 15.

00:16:00.720 --> 00:16:06.080 line:20%
But it didn't take long
before it became a need.

00:16:06.240 --> 00:16:11.520 line:20%
I couldn't imagine going
anywhere without makeup.

00:16:11.680 --> 00:16:14.480 line:20%
I know when I'd been in the hospital,

00:16:14.640 --> 00:16:17.880 line:20%
how horrible it was...

00:16:18.040 --> 00:16:23.560 line:20%
Or the days when I was too run down
to put on makeup.

00:16:23.720 --> 00:16:27.120 line:20%
It's like a shield.

00:16:28.720 --> 00:16:32.280 line:20%
Something that makes
it possible to go out.

00:16:33.480 --> 00:16:37.320 line:20%
It is absolutely necessary.

00:16:39.320 --> 00:16:43.480 line:20%
You notice how other people
are looking at you.

00:16:43.640 --> 00:16:49.240 line:20%
You sense the slightest thing...

00:16:49.400 --> 00:16:54.600 line:20%
If they're thinking "God, look at her!"
You feel that straight away.

00:16:54.760 --> 00:16:58.640 line:20%
So obviously you are aware.

00:17:03.400 --> 00:17:06.760 line:20%
It runs so deep.

00:17:06.920 --> 00:17:08.560 line:20%
But...

00:17:12.400 --> 00:17:17.960 line:20%
It stems from very low self-esteem.

00:17:18.120 --> 00:17:20.720 line:20%
It really does.

00:17:20.880 --> 00:17:26.560 line:20%
That you want to please others
at any price.

00:17:29.600 --> 00:17:34.760 line:20%
And it doesn't matter
how successful you are,

00:17:34.920 --> 00:17:37.600 line:20%
or how much praise you get.

00:17:37.760 --> 00:17:42.000 line:20%
It's still there, that low self-esteem.

00:17:44.720 --> 00:17:48.880 line:20%
As a child, I remember
observing her at the mirror.

00:17:49.040 --> 00:17:50.920 line:20%
How she sighed.

00:17:51.080 --> 00:17:54.040 line:20%
How she tried to move
with as little resistance as possible.

00:17:54.200 --> 00:17:57.200 line:20%
Never speaking up or upsetting anyone.

00:17:58.160 --> 00:18:00.200 line:20%
Keeping everything inside.

00:18:09.000 --> 00:18:12.520 line:20%
The schoolyard. Junior high school.

00:18:15.600 --> 00:18:19.160 line:20%
When I was 15, I stopped eating.

00:18:19.320 --> 00:18:22.760 line:20%
My hands were blue
from a lack of oxygen.

00:18:22.920 --> 00:18:25.720 line:20%
I'd run hot water over them at breaks.

00:18:48.320 --> 00:18:51.960 line:20%
Junior high school graduation.

00:18:52.120 --> 00:18:54.720 line:20%
I was awarded a scholarship.

00:18:56.720 --> 00:18:59.680 line:20%
Terrified of failure...

00:19:02.200 --> 00:19:05.760 line:20%
Then I wouldn't be worth anything.

00:19:09.200 --> 00:19:13.560 line:20%
Starving myself was
the only thing I could control.

00:19:13.720 --> 00:19:16.600 line:20%
The only thing that would numb
this feeling of emptiness.

00:19:18.320 --> 00:19:22.320 line:20%
A longing to dissolve and disappear.

00:19:28.200 --> 00:19:32.840 line:20%
My parents showed me films with
anorexics who were just skin and bones.

00:19:33.000 --> 00:19:38.120 line:20%
Bulimics on endless binges
who died of heart failure.

00:19:41.720 --> 00:19:45.160 line:20%
And all I could think
was that I wasn't good enough.

00:19:46.000 --> 00:19:48.400 line:20%
That I had to be better...

00:19:49.400 --> 00:19:51.960 line:20%
Go deeper into my illness.

00:19:55.200 --> 00:19:59.000 line:20%
I started vomiting
as soon as I had eaten.

00:19:59.160 --> 00:20:01.160 line:20%
Soon, I was stuck in bulimia.

00:20:04.320 --> 00:20:07.680 line:20%
I wasn't as skinny anymore,

00:20:07.840 --> 00:20:09.840 line:20%
but the shame was worse...

00:20:10.880 --> 00:20:13.440 line:20%
To totally lose control.

00:20:39.920 --> 00:20:41.600 line:20%
Seven years...

00:20:43.720 --> 00:20:46.160 line:20%
...of double life.

00:20:47.520 --> 00:20:51.000 line:20%
Lies and manipulation.

00:21:02.360 --> 00:21:06.680 line:20%
It was so different for us.
You were...

00:21:09.240 --> 00:21:12.920 line:20%
You were so incredibly ambitious

00:21:13.080 --> 00:21:16.440 line:20%
and you won all those literary prizes.

00:21:16.600 --> 00:21:20.800 line:20%
You wrote and had so much success.

00:21:20.960 --> 00:21:24.920 line:20%
It was easy to be blinded by all that
and think...

00:21:27.000 --> 00:21:30.680 line:20%
...that you were happy,
that you were doing well.

00:21:30.840 --> 00:21:33.840 line:20%
And we were so proud of you.

00:21:34.000 --> 00:21:37.280 line:20%
Praised you
and thought you were fantastic.

00:21:37.440 --> 00:21:43.640 line:20%
And didn't see beyond that,
how fragile it all was.

00:21:43.800 --> 00:21:49.840 line:20%
And that it was a cry for help...

00:21:50.960 --> 00:21:57.400 line:20%
I revolted against my parents.
Quit school and lived on the edge.

00:21:57.560 --> 00:22:04.160 line:20%
I got into dangerous territory
with drinking and drugs.

00:22:05.440 --> 00:22:10.520 line:20%
And we were so happy
that you didn't do that.

00:22:10.680 --> 00:22:15.960 line:20%
Grateful that you didn't do drugs
and never came home drunk.

00:22:16.120 --> 00:22:20.320 line:20%
I was watching out for that
and it didn't happen.

00:22:20.480 --> 00:22:25.480 line:20%
That's why it was so hard to see.

00:22:34.200 --> 00:22:37.000 line:20%
September 30, 1994.

00:22:38.600 --> 00:22:42.920 line:20%
I get up at five every morning
and run for two hours.

00:22:43.080 --> 00:22:45.960 line:20%
Down to the lake and then uphill...

00:22:47.320 --> 00:22:51.000 line:20%
Feels like I'm frozen
deep down inside.

00:22:56.000 --> 00:22:59.720 line:20%
Mother's in Malmö with her mother.

00:22:59.880 --> 00:23:01.880 line:20%
I miss her.

00:23:10.400 --> 00:23:13.800 line:20%
Three days ago, the Estonia sank.

00:23:13.960 --> 00:23:16.800 line:20%
900 people may have drowned.

00:23:18.520 --> 00:23:21.640 line:20%
Today, it's been a week
and a day since Windur died,

00:23:21.800 --> 00:23:24.680 line:20%
my beloved horse.

00:23:24.840 --> 00:23:28.840 line:20%
He was so beautiful
with his thick white mane.

00:23:29.920 --> 00:23:35.200 line:20%
The vet asked if I wanted
to hold him while he shot him.

00:23:35.360 --> 00:23:38.320 line:20%
I didn't have time to reply.

00:23:38.480 --> 00:23:40.920 line:20%
He sank to the ground

00:23:41.080 --> 00:23:44.920 line:20%
and they slit his throat
to drain the blood out.

00:23:50.320 --> 00:23:53.240 line:20%
I will turn 16 in two weeks.

00:23:54.520 --> 00:23:58.320 line:20%
I'm off-balance,
my hands and legs keep shaking.

00:24:00.400 --> 00:24:03.560 line:20%
I can't take this anymore.

00:24:03.720 --> 00:24:07.240 line:20%
It's a poison, slowly killing me.

00:25:15.320 --> 00:25:17.000 line:20%
I moved far away.

00:25:18.400 --> 00:25:21.120 line:20%
Hating the place where I grew up.

00:25:22.920 --> 00:25:25.600 line:20%
I wanted to become someone else.

00:25:51.720 --> 00:25:54.720 line:20%
I thought that I was free.

00:27:32.920 --> 00:27:36.120 line:20%
"My whole world is breaking down...

00:27:36.280 --> 00:27:39.440 line:20%
and I got to see you.

00:27:39.600 --> 00:27:42.360 line:20%
I'll take a train from Copenhagen.

00:27:43.640 --> 00:27:46.840 line:20%
Meet me at the station in Amsterdam.

00:27:47.000 --> 00:27:50.840 line:20%
Wednesday, 10:30.

00:27:52.520 --> 00:27:56.520 line:20%
I'll see you there, Melinda"

00:28:06.800 --> 00:28:11.160 line:20%
In 1968, my parents met in Holland.

00:28:11.920 --> 00:28:15.000 line:20%
Mother is 18 and still sick.

00:28:16.520 --> 00:28:21.760 line:20%
That same year, her sister Ann falls ill
with an aggressive type of MS.

00:28:22.720 --> 00:28:24.840 line:20%
And her best friend Katarina

00:28:25.000 --> 00:28:30.480 line:20%
has a psychotic break
that triggers chronic schizophrenia.

00:28:33.200 --> 00:28:37.840 line:20%
When Karin gets together with my father,
she has to reveal her real name.

00:28:39.320 --> 00:28:44.840 line:20%
She had called herself Melinda,
after Bob Dylan's "Sweet Melinda".

00:28:45.920 --> 00:28:48.360 line:20%
They marry in 1971,

00:28:48.520 --> 00:28:51.400 line:20%
and when she graduates
from the Art Academy in Holland,

00:28:51.560 --> 00:28:55.560 line:20%
they move to Sweden.
Out in the countryside.

00:28:58.640 --> 00:29:02.240 line:20%
What was life like at Ängåsen?

00:29:03.880 --> 00:29:10.000 line:20%
Life there was very uncomplicated,
simple and...

00:29:11.400 --> 00:29:15.720 line:20%
...peaceful and calm.

00:29:17.080 --> 00:29:21.840 line:20%
And relaxing. And most of all,
there was time, we had so much time.

00:29:23.600 --> 00:29:29.320 line:20%
We would lie by the lake every day.
Read books and play with the kids.

00:29:29.480 --> 00:29:32.280 line:20%
Spend hours with our neighbours,
drinking coffee.

00:29:32.440 --> 00:29:38.320 line:20%
- I think this is where Kalle lived.
- Right, up there.

00:29:38.480 --> 00:29:40.000 line:20%
- Or was it the next?
- No.

00:29:41.520 --> 00:29:45.160 line:20%
We had lots of animals

00:29:45.320 --> 00:29:50.360 line:20%
and grew our own vegetables....

00:29:50.520 --> 00:29:54.280 line:20%
- The kids were always with us.
- That's right.

00:29:54.440 --> 00:29:58.480 line:20%
Because they didn't go to daycare.

00:29:58.640 --> 00:30:02.360 line:20%
We were at home all the time.

00:30:02.520 --> 00:30:06.120 line:20%
But that doesn't mean
we didn't work.

00:30:06.280 --> 00:30:09.240 line:20%
We split things up,

00:30:09.400 --> 00:30:11.680 line:20%
whoever needed to work, could work.

00:30:11.840 --> 00:30:16.600 line:20%
- But we didn't need much either.
- No, but still.

00:30:16.760 --> 00:30:21.920 line:20%
We lived simply and
didn't have to make a lot of money.

00:30:22.080 --> 00:30:26.520 line:20%
No, but I, for one...

00:30:28.120 --> 00:30:32.080 line:20%
...liked having exhibitions.

00:30:32.240 --> 00:30:37.720 line:20%
Painting and working.

00:30:37.880 --> 00:30:43.160 line:20%
It wasn't like we didn't
spend time working.

00:30:46.200 --> 00:30:50.360 line:20%
Us kids played in the woods,
we had our freedom.

00:30:52.400 --> 00:30:56.760 line:20%
But I'd dream
about the apartment blocks...

00:30:56.920 --> 00:31:01.520 line:20%
...with a laundry room, a stairwell
and a nameplate on the door.

00:31:03.320 --> 00:31:06.760 line:20%
I was ashamed of my worn clothes.

00:31:11.920 --> 00:31:16.400 line:20%
Sophia, the cute girl I could never be.

00:31:18.320 --> 00:31:22.280 line:20%
When we were older, she told me
that she dreamed of my life.

00:31:22.440 --> 00:31:26.000 line:20%
That she never felt like "the cute girl".

00:31:29.800 --> 00:31:35.360 line:20%
My sisters and I got a mental asylum
that our parents had made for us.

00:31:38.680 --> 00:31:41.480 line:20%
One man had
hanged himself in the attic.

00:31:43.800 --> 00:31:47.040 line:20%
Another had drowned himself
in the bathtub.

00:31:55.320 --> 00:31:58.040 line:20%
Our home was often chaotic.

00:32:00.720 --> 00:32:04.160 line:20%
My room was in perfect order.

00:32:31.520 --> 00:32:34.040 line:20%
Three dark years.

00:32:35.520 --> 00:32:40.200 line:20%
In 1978, Karin's sister Ann dies of MS.

00:32:42.320 --> 00:32:46.040 line:20%
In 1979, her friend Katarina

00:32:46.200 --> 00:32:48.320 line:20%
is murdered.

00:32:49.720 --> 00:32:53.680 line:20%
In 1980, my parents lose a child.

00:32:59.400 --> 00:33:05.320 line:20%
You were so involved
during the pregnancy.

00:33:05.480 --> 00:33:11.360 line:20%
We talked about it.
You sang to the baby in my tummy.

00:33:11.520 --> 00:33:15.480 line:20%
You asked every day:
"When is the baby coming?"

00:33:15.640 --> 00:33:19.000 line:20%
We didn't know if it was a boy or a girl.
"When is it coming?"

00:33:19.160 --> 00:33:21.920 line:20%
You really waited...

00:33:22.080 --> 00:33:27.960 line:20%
You were so involved, so it must
be stored somewhere in your memory,

00:33:28.120 --> 00:33:29.600 line:20%
even if you don't
remember much now.

00:33:32.520 --> 00:33:37.200 line:20%
I remember clearly
how we were in the car

00:33:37.360 --> 00:33:40.440 line:20%
on our way to the hospital in Karlstad.

00:33:40.600 --> 00:33:43.880 line:20%
I was so happy and in a great mood,

00:33:44.040 --> 00:33:48.760 line:20%
there were about five minutes
between contractions...

00:33:48.920 --> 00:33:52.240 line:20%
It felt like everything was fine.

00:33:52.400 --> 00:33:55.760 line:20%
Just like when you were born.

00:33:57.600 --> 00:34:02.080 line:20%
There was good music on the radio
and we were laughing and joking,

00:34:02.240 --> 00:34:04.720 line:20%
I remember that so clearly.

00:34:13.800 --> 00:34:18.680 line:20%
Then, at the hospital, the nurse...

00:34:19.640 --> 00:34:24.680 line:20%
I remember her long slender fingers.

00:34:24.840 --> 00:34:28.520 line:20%
How she moved the stethoscope
around on my belly.

00:34:30.240 --> 00:34:36.480 line:20%
Within a few seconds, I could tell by her
expression that something was wrong.

00:34:39.160 --> 00:34:42.360 line:20%
Suddenly she leaves the room...

00:34:43.800 --> 00:34:48.480 line:20%
...and almost immediately
returns with a doctor.

00:34:49.760 --> 00:34:52.440 line:20%
He takes over.

00:34:53.320 --> 00:34:57.560 line:20%
Listens and hooks up an ECG.

00:35:03.880 --> 00:35:08.280 line:20%
Then he turns to me and says...

00:35:09.320 --> 00:35:14.560 line:20%
"I'm sorry, but there is no heartbeat."

00:35:20.280 --> 00:35:25.760 line:20%
The umbilical cord
was wrapped around her neck.

00:35:25.920 --> 00:35:28.440 line:20%
And had strangled her.

00:35:45.520 --> 00:35:48.680 line:20%
They said "It's a little girl"...

00:35:50.320 --> 00:35:53.880 line:20%
...and took her away.
Then they brought her back in.

00:35:56.120 --> 00:35:59.520 line:20%
And... showed her to us.

00:35:59.680 --> 00:36:04.120 line:20%
She was so beautiful,
so incredibly beautiful.

00:36:06.960 --> 00:36:10.120 line:20%
And the time that followed?

00:36:10.280 --> 00:36:13.960 line:20%
It was so quiet. So quiet...

00:36:14.120 --> 00:36:19.000 line:20%
And no one dared to say anything.

00:36:20.240 --> 00:36:24.080 line:20%
We grieved in such different ways.

00:36:24.240 --> 00:36:28.960 line:20%
Grief is not
something gentle or beautiful.

00:36:31.400 --> 00:36:35.240 line:20%
You can become very aggressive

00:36:35.400 --> 00:36:37.640 line:20%
and hard to reach.

00:36:39.000 --> 00:36:44.040 line:20%
Then it's easy to push others away

00:36:44.200 --> 00:36:47.240 line:20%
because you are so overwhelmed.

00:36:48.920 --> 00:36:53.120 line:20%
But I often wonder
how you remember all this.

00:36:53.280 --> 00:36:56.080 line:20%
It's so terrible,

00:36:56.240 --> 00:36:59.760 line:20%
but I don't remember you
at all from that time.

00:36:59.920 --> 00:37:02.920 line:20%
I can't remember a thing.
It's like a black hole.

00:37:10.280 --> 00:37:12.520 line:20%
I think that would
have made a difference,

00:37:12.680 --> 00:37:15.600 line:20%
if I had been allowed
to see the dead baby.

00:37:15.760 --> 00:37:18.760 line:20%
I would have been
able to understand better.

00:37:18.920 --> 00:37:22.520 line:20%
I still thought, that even though
something bad had happened,

00:37:22.680 --> 00:37:25.960 line:20%
she would still
be coming home with us.

00:37:27.880 --> 00:37:33.400 line:20%
We asked, the day after,
if they could bring her to our room

00:37:33.560 --> 00:37:36.280 line:20%
so you could see her.

00:37:36.440 --> 00:37:41.960 line:20%
But the psychologist and the counsellor

00:37:42.120 --> 00:37:45.320 line:20%
thought it was inappropriate.

00:37:46.120 --> 00:37:49.800 line:20%
They delayed it so long...

00:37:50.400 --> 00:37:54.440 line:20%
...that she was
starting to show so much lividity

00:37:54.600 --> 00:37:56.920 line:20%
and it wasn't the same child anymore.

00:37:57.080 --> 00:38:00.200 line:20%
It didn't seem right to let you see her.

00:38:00.360 --> 00:38:05.040 line:20%
You wouldn't have understood,
it would be all wrong.

00:38:06.040 --> 00:38:09.240 line:20%
But that was something
they took away from us.

00:39:13.480 --> 00:39:16.440 line:20%
The door to her studio
was always closed.

00:39:18.920 --> 00:39:21.520 line:20%
I had nightmares.

00:39:23.120 --> 00:39:26.240 line:20%
Wrote stories
to her paintings to understand...

00:39:27.520 --> 00:39:30.800 line:20%
...why they were so miserable.

00:39:48.320 --> 00:39:52.120 line:20%
The stories we were
told as children were often scary.

00:39:53.200 --> 00:39:56.280 line:20%
About the dark threatening woods.

00:39:58.760 --> 00:40:02.680 line:20%
He swims after her.
She's floating on the water...

00:40:02.840 --> 00:40:06.520 line:20%
And he grabs her dress.

00:40:06.680 --> 00:40:08.720 line:20%
He can see her white dress.

00:40:08.880 --> 00:40:14.880 line:20%
And he pulls her deep down
under the surface.

00:40:15.040 --> 00:40:17.920 line:20%
There, he has a cave.

00:40:18.080 --> 00:40:20.600 line:20%
A big black cave.

00:40:20.760 --> 00:40:22.280 line:20%
Have you been there?

00:41:02.280 --> 00:41:04.640 line:20%
I have no children of my own.

00:41:04.800 --> 00:41:06.960 line:20%
I may never have any.

00:41:08.520 --> 00:41:13.400 line:20%
But somewhere,
I long for a family of my own.

00:41:19.920 --> 00:41:24.080 line:20%
Aunt Sara, look!

00:41:24.240 --> 00:41:29.280 line:20%
- No, don't film!
- Why not, Alma?

00:41:29.440 --> 00:41:31.840 line:20%
- Because.
- Don't you like it?

00:41:32.000 --> 00:41:33.920 line:20%
- Why not?
- Just because.

00:41:34.080 --> 00:41:38.440 line:20%
- But I like filming.
- Then film Timo.

00:41:38.600 --> 00:41:42.840 line:20%
Why should I film Timo?
Can't I film you?

00:41:46.200 --> 00:41:49.280 line:20%
Little sister...

00:41:49.440 --> 00:41:51.520 line:20%
Look...

00:41:51.680 --> 00:41:54.080 line:20%
She's all wrinkly. Wrinkly fingers.

00:41:54.240 --> 00:41:59.320 line:20%
- Why?
- She's been in water for so long.

00:41:59.480 --> 00:42:03.760 line:20%
When you take a long bath,
your skin gets all wrinkly like that.

00:42:05.360 --> 00:42:10.720 line:20%
She's been in my tummy in
lots of water, that's why she's wrinkly.

00:42:12.720 --> 00:42:15.600 line:20%
When we were little...

00:42:15.760 --> 00:42:19.560 line:20%
Did you ever paint us?
Or did you paint children?

00:42:20.320 --> 00:42:26.600 line:20%
No, I didn't.
It never occurred to me, either.

00:42:28.520 --> 00:42:34.080 line:20%
I liked to paint faces that had lived,

00:42:34.240 --> 00:42:39.280 line:20%
where life had left traces.

00:42:39.440 --> 00:42:44.000 line:20%
And I was affected by the fact...

00:42:44.160 --> 00:42:49.240 line:20%
...that there is no status
in painting children.

00:42:49.880 --> 00:42:53.160 line:20%
You just don't paint children or flowers.

00:42:53.800 --> 00:42:56.040 line:20%
Now, I look at it differently.

00:42:56.200 --> 00:43:03.320 line:20%
I have other interests
and a different point of view.

00:43:04.720 --> 00:43:09.600 line:20%
I look at a child in another way,

00:43:09.760 --> 00:43:14.280 line:20%
how everything
is there from the beginning.

00:43:39.920 --> 00:43:43.440 line:20%
The older I get, the more I see

00:43:43.600 --> 00:43:48.120 line:20%
my own mother when I look in the mirror.

00:43:49.760 --> 00:43:52.440 line:20%
And not only in the mirror.

00:43:52.600 --> 00:43:57.320 line:20%
But also reflected in things I say or do

00:43:57.480 --> 00:44:00.280 line:20%
that I've never noticed before,

00:44:00.440 --> 00:44:03.720 line:20%
but that are present.

00:44:07.120 --> 00:44:10.080 line:20%
Grandmother, who wanted to be an artist.

00:44:11.320 --> 00:44:14.360 line:20%
But she became a teacher instead.

00:44:14.520 --> 00:44:18.320 line:20%
You weren't supposed
to take yourself too seriously.

00:44:20.080 --> 00:44:24.560 line:20%
All my life, she wanted me
to be a teacher.

00:44:24.720 --> 00:44:29.120 line:20%
Every time we met,
till the day she died,

00:44:29.280 --> 00:44:34.160 line:20%
she tried to persuade me
to become an art teacher.

00:44:38.920 --> 00:44:42.200 line:20%
What was she like to you
when you were a child?

00:44:44.320 --> 00:44:50.080 line:20%
You know, I was never ever praised.

00:44:51.120 --> 00:44:55.160 line:20%
She was so afraid
it would go to my head.

00:44:55.320 --> 00:44:58.600 line:20%
That went for all of us kids.

00:44:58.760 --> 00:45:03.680 line:20%
That's why I thought
when you were little:

00:45:03.840 --> 00:45:07.360 line:20%
I will never make that mistake.

00:45:07.520 --> 00:45:10.920 line:20%
Not praising my children.

00:45:11.720 --> 00:45:14.560 line:20%
You end up thinking
you can't do anything.

00:45:14.720 --> 00:45:17.520 line:20%
That you're worthless.

00:45:18.720 --> 00:45:24.200 line:20%
And it gets so ingrained that even
if you do get praise later,

00:45:24.360 --> 00:45:26.760 line:20%
you can't embrace it.

00:45:26.920 --> 00:45:30.400 line:20%
You don't believe in it.

00:45:33.920 --> 00:45:35.600 line:20%
I wasn't going to be like that.

00:45:36.960 --> 00:45:39.320 line:20%
I would not let others define me.

00:46:43.720 --> 00:46:45.960 line:20%
When I was 25, I returned to the place

00:46:46.120 --> 00:46:48.200 line:20%
where I grew up,

00:46:48.360 --> 00:46:51.680 line:20%
to an old house not far from my parents.

00:47:20.600 --> 00:47:23.120 line:20%
When are you most happy?

00:47:24.880 --> 00:47:28.760 line:20%
That's probably when I work

00:47:28.920 --> 00:47:31.520 line:20%
and when I paint...

00:47:33.160 --> 00:47:39.600 line:20%
And it feels like everything is right...

00:47:39.760 --> 00:47:46.120 line:20%
When I'm in the flow
and time and space disappear.

00:48:10.880 --> 00:48:13.640 line:20%
It's really simple.

00:48:13.800 --> 00:48:18.520 line:20%
It's art and then it's you.

00:48:18.680 --> 00:48:22.000 line:20%
- Us?
- Yes. Family...

00:48:23.520 --> 00:48:26.400 line:20%
Family, animals and nature.

00:48:26.560 --> 00:48:28.360 line:20%
It sounds so ordinary,

00:48:29.320 --> 00:48:34.880 line:20%
but that's what is truly valuable.

00:48:35.720 --> 00:48:39.160 line:20%
That's what everything revolves around.

00:48:41.000 --> 00:48:44.840 line:20%
Do you long
for something else sometimes?

00:48:45.000 --> 00:48:48.600 line:20%
I was just thinking about that yesterday.

00:48:48.760 --> 00:48:51.840 line:20%
In the past, it was like that.

00:48:52.000 --> 00:48:58.520 line:20%
Even when I was happy
and felt I had everything I needed...

00:48:59.880 --> 00:49:02.680 line:20%
There was always

00:49:02.840 --> 00:49:08.000 line:20%
this indefinable longing

00:49:08.160 --> 00:49:13.120 line:20%
for something I couldn't explain.

00:49:13.280 --> 00:49:16.720 line:20%
Just a longing.

00:52:31.560 --> 00:52:34.160 line:20%
I found such sweet love letters...

00:52:35.560 --> 00:52:38.600 line:20%
About how you were longing.

00:52:39.680 --> 00:52:44.600 line:20%
- I'd forgotten how much you missed me.
- See how memory betrays you.

00:52:44.760 --> 00:52:50.720 line:20%
- Such sweet letters stored in the attic.
- Yes, for 40 years.

00:52:52.040 --> 00:52:54.560 line:20%
Then we were young.

00:52:54.720 --> 00:52:57.480 line:20%
That's how it is...

00:52:58.840 --> 00:53:01.920 line:20%
And now we're old turtles.

00:53:03.480 --> 00:53:06.280 line:20%
Turtles...

00:53:19.920 --> 00:53:23.360 line:20%
I really think it's a relief...

00:53:23.520 --> 00:53:26.160 line:20%
...to get older.

00:53:26.320 --> 00:53:30.240 line:20%
When I was young,
your age and even younger,

00:53:30.400 --> 00:53:36.080 line:20%
I thought that once you turn 40,

00:53:36.240 --> 00:53:41.720 line:20%
and get that old,
life won't be worth living.

00:53:42.840 --> 00:53:45.240 line:20%
I really thought that way.

00:53:45.400 --> 00:53:47.680 line:20%
But it's the opposite.

00:53:47.840 --> 00:53:50.720 line:20%
After 40, everything is so much easier.

00:53:50.880 --> 00:53:53.640 line:20%
You see things in a different light.

00:53:55.440 --> 00:53:58.520 line:20%
And you actually feel better.

00:54:01.440 --> 00:54:05.680 line:20%
But how do you really feel about aging

00:54:05.840 --> 00:54:12.760 line:20%
when you look in the mirror
and see the changes?

00:54:13.960 --> 00:54:20.680 line:20%
You know, you don't
feel the same way every day.

00:54:20.840 --> 00:54:26.280 line:20%
Some days, you're okay with it all.

00:54:27.240 --> 00:54:35.040 line:20%
You look at yourself
and think "Well, that's changed."

00:54:35.200 --> 00:54:37.040 line:20%
There are a few new lines

00:54:37.200 --> 00:54:39.120 line:20%
and this is drooping

00:54:39.280 --> 00:54:44.000 line:20%
and the contours of the lips
are disappearing and fading.

00:54:44.160 --> 00:54:51.120 line:20%
And you study what happens
to a face when you age.

00:54:52.480 --> 00:54:56.240 line:20%
And sometimes it's okay, you're fine.

00:54:56.400 --> 00:55:01.560 line:20%
It's just the passage of time
and it's not hard to accept.

00:55:01.720 --> 00:55:06.480 line:20%
While some other day,
you're in a different mood...

00:55:07.640 --> 00:55:10.640 line:20%
And it can be really painful.

00:55:16.920 --> 00:55:19.960 line:20%
That's how I felt
when we were in Jurmala

00:55:20.120 --> 00:55:23.880 line:20%
and met that woman in the hotel lobby.

00:55:24.040 --> 00:55:28.040 line:20%
Remember, the one demonstrating
some kind of miracle cream

00:55:28.200 --> 00:55:30.800 line:20%
that would instantly reduce wrinkles.

00:55:32.120 --> 00:55:35.960 line:20%
She applied some under one eye

00:55:36.120 --> 00:55:41.520 line:20%
and after a few minutes
the wrinkles really were reduced.

00:55:43.240 --> 00:55:45.040 line:20%
And then the woman said:

00:55:45.200 --> 00:55:48.960 line:20%
"Don't you want your husband
to be happy when he wakes up

00:55:49.120 --> 00:55:54.080 line:20%
and sees you and
all your wrinkles have disappeared?"

00:55:54.680 --> 00:55:58.120 line:20%
"I don't mind wrinkles," I said.

00:55:58.280 --> 00:56:00.960 line:20%
"They tell you something about life,

00:56:01.120 --> 00:56:04.760 line:20%
and I think it's tragic
if you can't come to terms

00:56:04.920 --> 00:56:09.040 line:20%
with the changes and decay of the body."

00:56:10.600 --> 00:56:16.040 line:20%
But as we left, I regretted not buying it.

00:56:17.000 --> 00:56:22.960 line:20%
And at night I dreamed
that I slipped down to the lobby.

00:56:23.120 --> 00:56:28.160 line:20%
Because I had given her a secret sign
that I would be back.

00:56:29.720 --> 00:56:33.320 line:20%
And then I was terrified
that you would find out

00:56:33.480 --> 00:56:37.320 line:20%
that I had bought several jars.

00:56:45.000 --> 00:56:46.520 line:20%
Once she said:

00:56:46.680 --> 00:56:50.440 line:20%
"If freedom is not feeling shame...

00:56:52.520 --> 00:56:55.760 line:20%
...then I am far from being free."

00:57:15.520 --> 00:57:16.640 line:20%
There...

00:57:21.000 --> 00:57:25.000 line:20%
Lipstick... I can wear too.

00:57:27.160 --> 00:57:29.920 line:20%
I just need to dry my nails first.

00:58:09.320 --> 00:58:12.240 line:20%
I see my body differently now.

00:58:13.480 --> 00:58:16.320 line:20%
I don't punish it anymore.

00:58:17.120 --> 00:58:20.480 line:20%
But I'm still as hard on myself.

00:59:25.360 --> 00:59:29.520 line:20%
We are here today
for the Karin Broos exhibition.

00:59:29.680 --> 00:59:33.960 line:20%
And Karin really wanted to be here.

00:59:34.880 --> 00:59:41.120 line:20%
But, as some of you know,
she just had a medical emergency,

00:59:41.280 --> 00:59:44.520 line:20%
a detached retina in one eye,

00:59:44.680 --> 00:59:47.040 line:20%
and she is going through a tough period.

00:59:55.520 --> 00:59:59.240 line:20%
I could feel her pain
during all the surgeries that followed.

01:00:01.520 --> 01:00:04.040 line:20%
She'd waited too long
before seeking help,

01:00:04.200 --> 01:00:06.960 line:20%
and her retina had almost peeled away.

01:00:10.520 --> 01:00:15.040 line:20%
If that would have happened, she would
have lost her eyesight in one eye.

01:00:25.880 --> 01:00:29.560 line:20%
They fill the eye with gas and then oil

01:00:29.720 --> 01:00:32.200 line:20%
to keep everything in place.

01:02:40.280 --> 01:02:44.000 line:20%
It's like wearing two pairs of glasses.

01:02:47.920 --> 01:02:50.560 line:20%
The gas bubble is like an extra lens.

01:02:51.840 --> 01:02:56.120 line:20%
I can't even see the steps.

01:02:56.280 --> 01:02:59.440 line:20%
I hardly dare to go in...

01:03:00.960 --> 01:03:04.960 line:20%
It's so slippery!

01:03:05.120 --> 01:03:07.080 line:20%
I'm not sure how to do this.

01:03:07.240 --> 01:03:09.080 line:20%
Would you like me to hold you?

01:03:09.240 --> 01:03:11.360 line:20%
It's really slippery.

01:03:11.520 --> 01:03:13.560 line:20%
Then hold my hand.

01:03:45.840 --> 01:03:49.440 line:20%
I could probably still swim quite far...

01:04:20.800 --> 01:04:23.560 line:20%
We live here in our paradise.

01:04:27.200 --> 01:04:32.080 line:20%
While the world is in flames
and crashes in over us.

01:05:23.720 --> 01:05:26.600 line:20%
I try to hold on to something...

01:05:28.320 --> 01:05:31.120 line:20%
...but everything is in constant change.

01:05:52.720 --> 01:05:58.000 line:20%
It's strange that you can
take a cast of a person...

01:05:58.160 --> 01:06:05.360 line:20%
Create an accurate
reproduction of the features...

01:06:06.120 --> 01:06:11.960 line:20%
But still somehow,
the resemblance isn't there.

01:06:13.160 --> 01:06:17.960 line:20%
And then you can make a simple sketch

01:06:18.120 --> 01:06:20.080 line:20%
that is much more authentic.

01:06:20.240 --> 01:06:24.160 line:20%
The likeness, the resemblance

01:06:24.320 --> 01:06:28.600 line:20%
is not in the features.

01:06:29.920 --> 01:06:36.600 line:20%
That's why it's such an art
to make a portrait.

01:06:38.720 --> 01:06:42.680 line:20%
It's never about
photographic reproduction.

01:06:45.720 --> 01:06:48.920 line:20%
And then also...

01:06:49.080 --> 01:06:52.800 line:20%
you are so many, you are not just one.

01:07:10.320 --> 01:07:16.400 line:20%
It's so hard,
because you're so unpredictable.

01:07:18.600 --> 01:07:22.320 line:20%
You never really
do understand yourself.

01:07:22.480 --> 01:07:26.400 line:20%
I feel that more and more with the years,

01:07:26.560 --> 01:07:29.720 line:20%
that we consist of so many layers.

01:07:33.320 --> 01:07:35.920 line:20%
Sometimes I'm so surprised...

01:07:39.360 --> 01:07:43.320 line:20%
...by which layer it is that opens up.

01:07:55.920 --> 01:07:59.120 line:20%
I think of the incident with the foal.

01:07:59.280 --> 01:08:04.640 line:20%
How I didn't understand
how hard you took it.

01:08:05.600 --> 01:08:07.080 line:20%
No...

01:08:10.320 --> 01:08:14.160 line:20%
Neither did Marc.

01:08:15.520 --> 01:08:19.680 line:20%
When I went out that morning...

01:08:21.320 --> 01:08:25.640 line:20%
Even at a distance, I could tell
that her udder was overfilled

01:08:25.800 --> 01:08:30.400 line:20%
and that the milk
was dripping into the grass.

01:08:30.560 --> 01:08:35.320 line:20%
And I thought
"why isn't the foal suckling her?"

01:08:36.760 --> 01:08:39.000 line:20%
Then I saw him lying there.

01:08:40.040 --> 01:08:43.520 line:20%
And when I got closer,

01:08:43.680 --> 01:08:46.400 line:20%
I saw that he was dead.

01:08:49.520 --> 01:08:52.880 line:20%
That the electric fence
was caught around his neck

01:08:53.040 --> 01:08:55.240 line:20%
and had strangled him.

01:09:06.200 --> 01:09:10.440 line:20%
I remember that she ran into the woods

01:09:10.600 --> 01:09:13.320 line:20%
and was gone all night.

01:09:20.840 --> 01:09:24.560 line:20%
It was later on, at night,

01:09:24.720 --> 01:09:27.920 line:20%
that I started to dream
and I made the connections.

01:09:28.080 --> 01:09:31.960 line:20%
I remembered how I struggled

01:09:32.120 --> 01:09:37.920 line:20%
with the milk that never stopped
coming after giving birth.

01:09:39.720 --> 01:09:44.000 line:20%
How she had the cord around her neck,

01:09:44.160 --> 01:09:46.960 line:20%
and now the same thing with the foal.

01:09:47.720 --> 01:09:50.880 line:20%
How it was all repeated...

01:09:51.040 --> 01:09:53.880 line:20%
And everything came over me at once.

01:10:10.000 --> 01:10:12.760 line:20%
The corridor at the hotel in Jurmala...

01:10:14.040 --> 01:10:16.360 line:20%
We didn't say anything.

01:10:17.480 --> 01:10:21.960 line:20%
But Mother remembered the transparent
curtains in the hospital room

01:10:22.120 --> 01:10:27.840 line:20%
where her sister
spent her final days before she died.

01:10:59.280 --> 01:11:04.360 line:20%
I remember how we played Leonard
Cohen on our way home from the airport.

01:11:05.120 --> 01:11:07.320 line:20%
"There's a crack in everything...

01:11:11.320 --> 01:11:14.040 line:20%
...that's how the light gets in."

01:11:32.320 --> 01:11:36.000 line:20%
I receive a letter from the woman
we met at the hotel.

01:11:39.200 --> 01:11:43.560 line:20%
"Dear Sara, how are you?
How is your mother?

01:11:43.720 --> 01:11:46.040 line:20%
We met a while ago in Jurmala

01:11:46.200 --> 01:11:50.640 line:20%
and I can't forget our conversation,
or you and your mother.

01:11:50.800 --> 01:11:53.200 line:20%
I come back to it time and time again

01:11:53.360 --> 01:11:58.560 line:20%
and it makes me think
of my relation to my own mother.

01:11:59.760 --> 01:12:03.920 line:20%
You know, Sara, it's not only the sea
that separates me and my mother,

01:12:04.080 --> 01:12:09.320 line:20%
but something much bigger,
a void that can never be filled."