WEBVTT

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[sil.]

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[music]

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I\'ve always been interested
in women and I always toyed

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with the idea of being with a woman. Not too
much in regards to having sex with them, but I\'m

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more enjoy the idea of touching,
caressing and kissing a woman.

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And I\'m really curious. And I think
it\'s time for me to check this out.

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But I just don\'t know where to begin.

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[music]

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I\'ve just moved to Toronto. I love
the city. It\'s a big change from my

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hometown in Odessa, which is a small town just
outside of Kingston where there\'s actually

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only like a variety store and a post office,
not even a grocery store in the town.

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[music]

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[music]

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[sil.] Once you crossed

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the line and you have an experienced with a
woman, and you\'d got a label on you that you\'re a

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bi-sexual or like a lesbian. You\'ll
never get that label taken off to you.

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[sil.]

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[music] At

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this point, I will consider myself a
bi-curious, bi-sexual. If someone has,

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you know, that little special quality that
attracts me whether be it male or female, uhm,

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you know, I\'m gonna get to know them.
Sex was not something that we

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talked about at home. My childhood explorations
have been, uhm, have been with girls. Though,

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though I\'ve never been uhm, in love with a woman or I
have never been, or I\'ve never had a, a physically

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intimate relationship with one. I\'m more
interested in having relationship with women,

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uhm, now because I... I\'ve
been able to distinguished

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between, distinguished between
sex and being nurtured.

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I never dated in high school. I got voted like
the friendliest in the whole biggest part

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of my high school, like all the way through. But
now a day cuz I was everybody\'s buddy. It\'s like,

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and I wasn\'t... I was more sinners(ph)
like one of the boys and a girly

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date. Most of us are raised
in families who teach us this

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narrative of what supposed
to happen to us as we grow

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up and that almost always includes, when you grow up and get married.
And by that, they mean married to someone of the other sex. So a few

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suddenly discover that you\'re attracted
to people of your own sex that can be

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so frightening. It can really feel as though you\'re
stepping over the edge of the earth into the unknown.

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[music]

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I\'m usually already half way through

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conversation or half way to the night when I
realized that, \"Oh my God! I really have this

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urge, to like, make out with this
individual.\" I just never really

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thought I\'d feel this way for a woman.

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[music]

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[music]

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It\'s easy flirting with men. But with
women I freeze. I think the problem

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is that I\'m not actually sure whether they\'re
just being nice or if they\'re actually interested

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in me. I have sympathy for people who
are heterosexual for a long time

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and then discover a taste for same sex partner. I mean,
can you, can you imagine what it must be like to be a

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woman who\'s decided she\'s interested
in other women, walking into a bar.

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I mean, who do you approach? What do you
say to that other woman and horror of

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horrors if that the other woman is interested in getting close
to you. What do you do then? It\'s a very stressful kind of

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situation and it\'s not surprising to learn
that a lot of people who\'ve just discovered a

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taste for same sex partners
will suffer from anxiety,

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depression, all kinds of stress
related symptoms. It\'s not easy.

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I think bisexuals and bisexuality
in fact is quite invisible out

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there. Uhm, and I think what\'s interesting is, it\'s very
likely that there is far more bisexuals out there than

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we know and in some way they may even be some
kind of silent, almost majority. Uhm, but

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because they don\'t have a clearly defined community and
because there is no clear group for them to kind of

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identify with, uhm, they\'re sort
of everywhere and they\'re nowhere.

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[sil.] I never really... for me it wasn\'t,

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oh my God! I\'m bisexual. What does that mean?
I have same sex... you know, it was oh,

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okay. You know, kind of noticing things
inside myself and kind of living with it,

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just, you know, playing with it. I
grew up in Israel. So it\'s a very,

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uhm, it\'s, it\'s not as accepting... it wasn\'t
an accepting society as it is today. Uhm, so I

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didn\'t really have a lot of opportunities
to explore the topic of sexual diversity.

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Uhm, but I was... I remember ah, when
I was in the army uhm, my drill

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sergeant was probably the first woman that I
actually was thinking about in, in a sexual way.

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Uhm, I kind of thought of something different
about her. I wasn\'t quite sure what it was

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but uhm, I found her very attractive but I
wasn\'t even thinking about the attractive.

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Uhm, I wasn\'t using the term attractive, I was sort of thinking,
\"Hmm, there\'s something different about her.\" I wanna be

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around her more, or I don\'t mind
when she bosses me around. So,

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uhm, I kind of knew that okay, you know,
I, I think I\'m also open to women.

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Hi there. We\'re your kinky neighborhoods.
Thank you so much for calling the police.

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Hi there. We\'re your kinky neighborhoods that
flirt and show up with a thrust(ph) and squeeze.

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Tonight, I\'m going downtown
to see this really funny

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bisexual band that\'s playing. Apparently there\'s
a lot of bisexual people that go to see

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these guys so I\'m really excited and I\'m gonna get
a chance to meet a really good group of people and

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ask them some questions and just get
more warmed up to this type of crowd.

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I was 17, I think that I was bisexual.
Oh really?

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Yeah. When I\'m around men - Oh yeah. - that are attracted
to me. I could always tell when a man is attracted.

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Yeah. It\'s like, you know, they stick out their like
hmm. You know, I mean men are so obvious, right?

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Yeah, they are. Whereas with women, I don\'t pick up the
signals. I think women are just a little more subtle and -

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They\'re just greedy(ph). - you know and I feel
more insecure around women. Like flirting with

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women. I actually find
fanticizing about women. Safe

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then, thinking about actually like
doing anything with them. When the

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bisexual woman I met at the Revival told to me that
she had a really hard time approaching women as well

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and that she more like to fantasized about
it. It made me feel like I wasn\'t alone.

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So, how do you approach women? How do I approach
women? Yeah. Do you approach them? I don\'t.

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See that\'s the thing. Or they approach you? It\'s like... well,
I, I think that I, I don\'t think very much at all and I

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know that in retrospect, they can
see situations where a woman was

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clearly coming on to me.
And if I hadn\'t been so

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uptight or afraid or whatever.
I could have - (inaudible)

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- I could have made something happen,

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you know. Yeah. But I didn\'t
because I was shocked, you know.

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So? Yeah. I\'ve had that happen quite a bit.
Cuz for a long time all my friends

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just make fun of me and say that I was a lesbian cuz
every time I went out I used to get girls\' numbers and

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not realize. I\'m just a very
friendly, positive person and that\'s

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how I am. You asked for girls\' numbers? No. I mean that girl.
Or you mean, they would give them to you? They would give them

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to me. Oh. And then my friends would be like. She
was hitting(ph) on you. I\'m like, \"No, we\'re just

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friends. It\'s such a great time. We\'re partying blah
blah blah. \" They\'re like, \" Get out of here Tina.

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We make up.\"

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I\'ve never fantasized about physically

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having sex like full
blown sex with a woman,

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but definitely fantasized about like,
making out ah, with a woman I think.

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It\'s a lot more sensual for me,
uhm, than the raw sex partner.

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Bi, he\'s bi-curious George.

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He\'s bi-curious George.
Para-ba-papa-paraba-

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bup-parara-da. Bi-curious. Bi-curious. Okay,
that\'s enough. No. I\'m really sick of this.

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It\'s like ah, curious though.
Doesn\'t curious strike you as a

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weird term. No, I really like... how
do you know. Oh, how do I know? Am I

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gay? Am I straight? I don\'t know.
Whatever shall I do? I\'m sick of it man.

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Listen, how did you know you liked candy
as a child? Hey. You picked it up

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and you stuck it in your
mouth, that\'s all you know.

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It\'s very simple. The
bisexual song that we saw

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we\'re hilarious. But it\'s all doing anything...
It\'s little frustrating was they only sing about

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sex. And it\'s not just about sex
especially for me, it would be more of a

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whole entire lifestyle change. I\'d like
to greet you with a 12-inch baton. Aye.

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Boundaries. Well, walking
down the street with a woman,

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like hand to hand. Like showing that
we\'re in a relationship is definitely

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a bit scary. I think, I\'d be shy and
I actually think unfortunately that

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for some reason I would be probably a
little embarrassed cuz people do definitely

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noticed that. I think,
society focuses too much

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on sex, ah, and we completely forget
about ourselves. Uhm, up to now

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I\'ve learned that, that sex is something that
can be only be enjoy, that I can only enjoy

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when there\'s trust. You know, when there\'s
trust and there\'s, and there\'s you know,

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uhm, open communications and there\'s honesty. And
that\'s what I\'m looking for in a relationship.

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People, kind of do wonder like wha... what
point, what point am I bisexual? Right? So

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I\'m... you know, there\'s a lot of people, particularly when they\'re younger, they\'re...
They are not sure. I mean, they\'re not sure. They\'re interested in men or interested in

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women or they are interested in both. And at what
point you stopped questioning and you decide? There,

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there is no answer to that. We have this idea
that you have to be one thing and it\'s like,

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we don\'t expect people to have a single career or
have a single, you know, hobby, and I\'m not sure

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why we\'d expect them to have a single sexual
interest also. At 18, I basically knew I was

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bisexual and that\'s the word I used, you know.
In a lot of ways I questioned it because I was

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like, am I doing this because I want guys to like me
better? Because guys like girl longer way, you know.

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But then I realized like in so many different situations
that it wasn\'t about that. It wasn\'t about needing

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to validate my sexuality
through some other guy\'s eyes.

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I haven\'t had any luck
hooking up with women

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at straight clubs. So, tonight we\'re gonna go
to a bi-dance which happens once a month. I

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don\'t know. What are we doing tonight? My sisters
in town for the weekend and she tends to be the

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wild one in the family. So I\'m gonna ask her if she
wants to come to the bi-dance with me tonight.

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I never actually been to a bisexual bar
but... Have you eve been with a woman?

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What\'s with a woman? I\'m want to always

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ask you that. Yeah, I\'d say yeah. Okay.
Have you made out with a woman?

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Yeah. Have you gone down on a woman?

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No. Has a woman gone down on you? No. I don\'t think... I don\'t
know if I could do that. See that\'s what I... I\'m very attracted

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to women but I just don\'t know how far

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I\'d actually be able to go. I was really reassured
when my sister told me about her experiences

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with women. What do you think Mom and Dad would
think? I think they would probably wonder why.

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Did... they would think that
there was a reason like,

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you know how people say how...
Going to a phase? A phase or like

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ah, a bad experience with a man
and something like that. I think,

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that\'s kinda where they would come from.
I know that my family would be

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accepting cuz I\'ve always been the responsible
one. It\'s more that I have the issue as

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being bisexual. Tina, what are you
interested in? I meet someone,

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I meet a woman and have a really great connection.
That\'s why I wanna be with them. I don\'t wanna just

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go and like force it. If a woman was
really attracted to me and I was

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attracted to her and we happened to meet
at the event. I would be interested in

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making out with her. My
needs can only be filled

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ah, by someone who I trust.
Uhm, someone who is genuine,

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someone who is, who is, who is true,
who\'s real. Uhm, and you know, that

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could be either a male or a female.

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[music]

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[sil.]

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[music]

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[music]

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It\'s really weird being at a dance

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where everybody is open to hooking up with each
other. But the problem for me here is that

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there are way too many men. And I still
feel really nervous approaching a woman.

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The only person that I have met ah,
so far that I have had this slightest

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connection with, who I know is
also kinda on the same road as

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me wondering about the bisexual
community, is, ah, Samantha.

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She was like... I found her, I found her
really interesting. You know, really open.

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Uhm, someone I could, I
could get to know more of.

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[music]

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It\'s terrible going out as a bi-woman to

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a club. You have your gay bars, you have
your straight bars. But where is the bar

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where I can flirt with men and flirt with
women in the same bar, in a safe environment?

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It doesn\'t exist. The problem is the
bisexuals aren\'t really... you don\'t really

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see them, they don\'t really talks
about them in school. So, so where,

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where do they find the way to identify this
fundamental part of who they are? Uhm, they don\'t.

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I\'ve done a hot and heavy with

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men. It doesn\'t interest me anymore. I\'m
looking for something that\'s deeper.

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Guys have sex in the brain with the majority
of time. You know, which is why I\'m more

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prone to having relationships or to... for
that matter getting my need met with

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female which I guess in... ah,
which I guess makes me bisexual.

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I found out about a bi workshop online

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and Sam is gonna go, too. To ease stress.
Getting to know, your name? My name

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is Ilaneet. Ilaneet. Ilaneet. Today, we\'re
gonna talk about sexual diversity. From your

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experience at what point do you
know or do... are you ready to self

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identifies bisexual? I\'ve never been able to
control my feelings. Like I\'ve always known that

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I\'ve been attracted to both men and women. You
know, at first I was very confused. I had to

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know, you know, is this normal? Ah, should
I be attracted to just women? And then

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I said you know, well I can\'t control my feelings. I, I
know that I\'m attracted to men as well so I\'m not gonna

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repressed myself any longer. And I
know in my head that I\'m bisexual.

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Now, what, what are some of the things that
people think, ah, when hmm, and you know,

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they think about bisexual person? What are some of the things
that come to mind that you\'ve experienced, that you\'ve seen

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that you know, come into... come up in
society? Indecisive. Indecisive, okay.

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Ah, they\'re confused. Confused. Denial.
Yeah. Yeah, exactly denial. Like uhm,

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like if, if a guy tells me he\'s
bisexual, I would say, \"You\'re gay.\"

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If a female tells me she\'s bisexual, I\'ll think.
You know, and I know a lot of my friends as well.

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Wooh! Some of these things, ah, they touched
upon bisexual people being hypersexual.

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Over sexualized. And it\'s interesting
because sometimes... Maybe horny. Yeah.

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Ah, sometimes it feels like so...
That\'s what society really sees.

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Yes! It\'s so true. Yeah. Totally is.
That\'s true. A of lot of people

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are bisexual... For me, personally there
is two reasons why I don\'t wanna have the

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bisexual label put on me. Ah, one
is, I don\'t wanna be precede by my

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ah, friends or family or just anybody,
ah, being like, ah, sex crazed maniac.

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And if I\'m in a relationship with uhm,
with a man, I don\'t wanna... or they think

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that\'s it\'s gonna be okay with having
a threesome. To be bisexual is often

00:18:35.000 --> 00:18:39.999
thought of being promiscuous because... uhm, I
find that it... there\'s something threatening for

00:18:40.000 --> 00:18:44.999
people about, ah, the capacity of being attracted
to more than one gender, more than one

00:18:45.000 --> 00:18:49.999
sex. Just because I have the capacity to be attracted
to men and women, doesn\'t mean that that capacity

00:18:50.000 --> 00:18:54.999
is operating at the same time all the time.
You know, when someone labels me as, as being

00:18:55.000 --> 00:18:59.999
bisexual, all it does is tell me that they\'re trying to
fit me into their little box. You know, they\'re trying to

00:19:00.000 --> 00:19:04.999
understand me. You know, understand where I\'m
coming from, when really it\'s simply just a

00:19:05.000 --> 00:19:09.999
word. You know, that describes how I
get my needs met. That\'s about self

00:19:10.000 --> 00:19:14.999
identification... I have no problem
with people if they\'re gay, lesbians,

00:19:15.000 --> 00:19:19.999
bisexuals, straight. It doesn\'t make a difference to
me. But it\'s... it was really shocking how much I

00:19:20.000 --> 00:19:24.999
didn\'t wanna be labeled and how much it
bothered me. The idea that people, ah,

00:19:25.000 --> 00:19:29.999
who are... who identifies bisexual are
sitting on the fence or just experimenting

00:19:30.000 --> 00:19:34.999
or sleep with everyone or like sex maniacs
or like can\'t make up their mind is

00:19:35.000 --> 00:19:39.999
completely wait us to deconstruct the va...
Validity of bi... the bisexual identity.

00:19:40.000 --> 00:19:44.999
They\'re all myths. Just like myths
about gay people, gay men molest

00:19:45.000 --> 00:19:49.999
children or all lesbians are butches(ph) or
all. You know, like the thing is, it\'s not...

00:19:50.000 --> 00:19:54.999
People view bisexuality is like in
difference, or like I can\'t make up my

00:19:55.000 --> 00:19:59.999
mind. In fact they\'ve made up my mind. Then
they\'d(ph)... I choose men and women. In other

00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:04.999
way, ah, of understanding sexual diversity
or looking at sexual diversity,

00:20:05.000 --> 00:20:09.999
and this is becoming more and more sort of popular and
more and more people are realizing this is a better way of

00:20:10.000 --> 00:20:14.999
looking at things is seeing sexual
orientation on a continuum, on a

00:20:15.000 --> 00:20:19.999
continuum from exclusively
heterosexual or straight

00:20:20.000 --> 00:20:24.999
to use society\'s terms to exclusively gay,

00:20:25.000 --> 00:20:29.999
okay? So even in a small group like
this, there\'s a lot of diversity

00:20:30.000 --> 00:20:34.999
uhm, and so let\'s examine that. Let\'s look
at that. Imagine that this line represents

00:20:35.000 --> 00:20:39.999
sexual orientation from exclusively
straight to exclusively gay. Line yourself

00:20:40.000 --> 00:20:44.999
up according to your sexual attractions, desires,
thought anywhere in this line where you feel you

00:20:45.000 --> 00:20:49.999
fit in. Going to the bi workshop was

00:20:50.000 --> 00:20:54.999
definitely an eye opener for me. It
gave me an opportunity to sit down with

00:20:55.000 --> 00:20:59.999
a group of bi individuals and actually
listen to what they had to say. So it

00:21:00.000 --> 00:21:04.999
really made me feel more comfortable
in regards to being bi.

00:21:05.000 --> 00:21:09.999
I feel less confused right now, but still

00:21:10.000 --> 00:21:14.999
I don\'t know which
instruction(ph) I had to next.

00:21:15.000 --> 00:21:19.999
I really like Samantha. We have a good
connection actually. I think we\'re both

00:21:20.000 --> 00:21:24.999
on the same place. I find I hold
myself back a lot of the times.

00:21:25.000 --> 00:21:29.999
Uhm, I hold myself back from, from expressing
what I really want to. Uhm, you know,

00:21:30.000 --> 00:21:34.999
from taking action. Uhm, you know, from

00:21:35.000 --> 00:21:39.999
making a move on a, on a pretty girl.

00:21:40.000 --> 00:21:44.999
[music] Tonight, I\'m gonna go to

00:21:45.000 --> 00:21:49.999
check out this club that has a
bi-curious girls night only. Ah, where

00:21:50.000 --> 00:21:54.999
it seems where you can go and be more open
and experiment a bit. So, I\'m gonna go and

00:21:55.000 --> 00:21:59.999
check it out and see if I can make myself
be more forward with the girls\' out.

00:22:00.000 --> 00:22:04.999
Within the crew community, bisexual people
are constantly fighting to create space,

00:22:05.000 --> 00:22:09.999
to create awareness, to create, uhm,
lack of... sort of to challenge that

00:22:10.000 --> 00:22:14.999
rigidity around you, either straight or
you\'re either gay. You\'re either one of us or

00:22:15.000 --> 00:22:19.999
you\'re get out of the
bar, you don\'t belong.

00:22:20.000 --> 00:22:24.999
[music]

00:22:25.000 --> 00:22:33.000
I\'ve been trying to talked

00:22:35.000 --> 00:22:39.999
to the woman here. But I find them mostly
interesting in actually dancing and being sexy

00:22:40.000 --> 00:22:44.999
for the guys watching. So, I don\'t
actually know if they\'re bisexuals or

00:22:45.000 --> 00:22:49.999
more so than just straight women here trying
to look sexy in front of all the men.

00:22:50.000 --> 00:22:54.999
For me, I think you know, often times
women sexuality isn\'t taken seriously

00:22:55.000 --> 00:22:59.999
as a woman period. She\'s not empowered
by her sexuality. Her sexuality is for

00:23:00.000 --> 00:23:04.999
someone else, it\'s for a man. And then when she
had identifies as bisexual it\'s like, okay,

00:23:05.000 --> 00:23:09.999
well you have sex with men but you have sex with
women. Tell me that\'s like sweet, nice, and grape.

00:23:10.000 --> 00:23:14.999
They didn\'t even realized that I could actually have a
rom... like a loving committed relationship with a woman

00:23:15.000 --> 00:23:19.999
just as I could with a man. You know.

00:23:20.000 --> 00:23:24.999
[music]

00:23:25.000 --> 00:23:29.999
The girl I met with flower

00:23:30.000 --> 00:23:34.999
was amazing. She had a fantastic personality.
That would be the type of girl that I\'d

00:23:35.000 --> 00:23:39.999
like to meet and have experience with. Someone who\'s
very similar to me, has lots of energy and, and wants to

00:23:40.000 --> 00:23:44.999
just be like, really fun. But unfortunately
he looked... he looked down on the

00:23:45.000 --> 00:23:49.999
bar and there is her boyfriend. I never thought it would
be this difficult because it seems like everybody

00:23:50.000 --> 00:23:54.999
else in the world has either made out with a girl
or has had some experience, and the only one who

00:23:55.000 --> 00:23:59.999
wants to try it, and then for
some reason cannot find anybody

00:24:00.000 --> 00:24:04.999
to have an experience with.

00:24:05.000 --> 00:24:13.000
[sil.]

00:24:25.000 --> 00:24:29.999
[music] I think my biggest

00:24:30.000 --> 00:24:34.999
problem is I\'m not really sure how to
approach women that I\'m attracted to and

00:24:35.000 --> 00:24:39.999
it\'s pretty discouraging actually. So, I\'m gonna
go to this bisexual workshop on how to flirt with

00:24:40.000 --> 00:24:44.999
women and I find out that Ilaneet and Sam are going, too.
So that we could... cuz I\'ll actually know some people

00:24:45.000 --> 00:24:49.999
there. Women in general are socialized

00:24:50.000 --> 00:24:54.999
to wait for someone to approached.
I hear this all the time.

00:24:55.000 --> 00:24:59.999
I don\'t know how to pick up women. I\'m gonna
ask you all to get up out of your chairs

00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:04.999
and I\'m gonna ask you to move

00:25:05.000 --> 00:25:09.999
around and try and catch
other people\'s gaze for

00:25:10.000 --> 00:25:14.999
two seconds. One steam
boat, two steam boat. And

00:25:15.000 --> 00:25:19.999
if you\'re interested feel free to smile,
this is a flirting workshop. Enjoy.

00:25:20.000 --> 00:25:24.999
Feel free to be random about it.

00:25:25.000 --> 00:25:29.999
[sil.] I\'m smiling.

00:25:30.000 --> 00:25:34.999
That\'s okay. It\'s okay to be a
little nervous. Get it... get a

00:25:35.000 --> 00:25:39.999
chance to look at different people
and see how they respond. Okay. Now,

00:25:40.000 --> 00:25:44.999
here is where it gets interesting. How
many of you found that really hard? Five.

00:25:45.000 --> 00:25:49.999
How many of you found that kinda awkward?
Yeah, awkward. Yeah. It\'s awkward.

00:25:50.000 --> 00:25:54.999
So, if I\'m looking at you and I think you\'re
really hot and you\'re being all shy with me.

00:25:55.000 --> 00:25:59.999
Then what I will do is the next time you
try and give me that 30 millisecond

00:26:00.000 --> 00:26:04.999
glance that says, that you\'re still
looking cuz you don\'t know why I\'m

00:26:05.000 --> 00:26:09.999
looking, then I\'ll smile. Engaging

00:26:10.000 --> 00:26:14.999
is the secret to good flirtation.
If I\'m looking at you and I\'m

00:26:15.000 --> 00:26:19.999
just talking to you and we\'re
making eye contact. That\'s building

00:26:20.000 --> 00:26:24.999
a rapport. But if I\'m engaging
with you and you\'re responding, it

00:26:25.000 --> 00:26:29.999
fits on itself. For me the challenge
is that I flirt with a woman,

00:26:30.000 --> 00:26:34.999
it\'s... I wanna know how she self identifies
because if... I wanna know if she has the capacity

00:26:35.000 --> 00:26:39.999
to be attracted to other women. Because I have
no way of knowing that. But there\'s no way to

00:26:40.000 --> 00:26:44.999
externalized that without wearing a bi symbol
on our foreheads. And as - Sometimes I

00:26:45.000 --> 00:26:49.999
wish we need. - and as often as we\'ve
wished for a bi symbol on our foreheads,

00:26:50.000 --> 00:26:54.999
there is also the whole issue of not
wanting to get otherwise because

00:26:55.000 --> 00:26:59.999
it\'s obvious who we are. We don\'t
wanna have to explain ourselves to

00:27:00.000 --> 00:27:04.999
everyone that comes along. Unless you
find out where the other person stands,

00:27:05.000 --> 00:27:09.999
you\'re gonna have questions and that\'s
part of the flirtation, that\'s part of the

00:27:10.000 --> 00:27:14.999
interaction. You can
engage and include that

00:27:15.000 --> 00:27:19.999
and integrate it into your flirtation.

00:27:20.000 --> 00:27:28.000
[music]

00:27:35.000 --> 00:27:39.999
With the bisexual community at
times, I fell like half the time,

00:27:40.000 --> 00:27:44.999
I feel like I\'m on the outside looking
in and just watching people interact but

00:27:45.000 --> 00:27:49.999
it\'s not happening for me. And then the other
half of the time, I feel like I\'m, I\'m in the

00:27:50.000 --> 00:27:54.999
circle and I\'m looking around and I can
see everybody but still not panning out.

00:27:55.000 --> 00:27:59.999
[music]

00:28:00.000 --> 00:28:04.999
Hey, how\'s it going? Eat good.
The tea is good.

00:28:05.000 --> 00:28:09.999
Have you been here long? Uhm, not really.
Great. You look great.

00:28:10.000 --> 00:28:14.999
Thanks, you too. How was your day? That\'s what I
find with the whole bisexual thing. I wanna meet

00:28:15.000 --> 00:28:19.999
like a regular person but it\'s really hard
to find out where someone lies. Like -

00:28:20.000 --> 00:28:24.999
Yeah, yeah. - cuz with girls energy, it\'s
really hard to like grab for like, are you

00:28:25.000 --> 00:28:29.999
really dig with friends. You meeting a girl or like are you
hitting on me? You know what I mean? Yeah. (crosstalks)

00:28:30.000 --> 00:28:34.999
Do you... have you ever
been with a woman? No.

00:28:35.000 --> 00:28:39.999
Uhm... But obviously you\'ve
been attracted to them?

00:28:40.000 --> 00:28:44.999
To make you think of it? Uhm, yeah,
yeah, definitely. I think I\'m, I\'m

00:28:45.000 --> 00:28:49.999
getting to know what my needs are. You
know, still whether they\'d be a female or

00:28:50.000 --> 00:28:54.999
a male. It really doesn\'t matter. Cuz I
know that I have definitely had like been

00:28:55.000 --> 00:28:59.999
attracted to girls since like... but I will never ever
approach them. So, it\'s funny cuz if you have two people who

00:29:00.000 --> 00:29:04.999
meet or in the same place and who are like,
well, never make the move then nothing is gonna

00:29:05.000 --> 00:29:09.999
ever happen. So, how did you feel about going
to that club? Would you be interested in

00:29:10.000 --> 00:29:14.999
going sometime? Yeah. To the lesbian?
Yeah. To check it out? Yeah,

00:29:15.000 --> 00:29:19.999
I think it would be cool cuz then we could watch
and see what goes on. And that got be really,

00:29:20.000 --> 00:29:24.999
I don\'t know. It\'s fun to people watching, you can get a drift
to what\'s going on in that - Yeah. - kind of world. Definitely.

00:29:25.000 --> 00:29:29.999
I was more nervous meeting Tina for
the first time than I would be

00:29:30.000 --> 00:29:34.999
uhm, with any guy. You know, and
that, that I found interesting.

00:29:35.000 --> 00:29:39.999
We\'re gonna go out. We\'ll go to a lesbian club and
ah, you\'ll never know cuz that kind of environment

00:29:40.000 --> 00:29:44.999
is a little bit easier. Definitely. All right,
cool. So, want to hook up? Yeah. Yehey.

00:29:45.000 --> 00:29:53.000
[music]

00:30:05.000 --> 00:30:10.000
[music]

00:30:15.000 --> 00:30:19.999
[music]

00:30:20.000 --> 00:30:24.999
You should go

00:30:25.000 --> 00:30:29.999
paragliding cuz paragliding, you use two legs,
run, jump off a mountain and you just float.

00:30:30.000 --> 00:30:33.999
You know what, I find... I
can\'t make a move (inaudible)

00:30:34.000 --> 00:30:35.000
that\'s...

00:30:35.001 --> 00:30:39.999
This is not me. Negative. I find it\'s
a lot easier to make a move on a guy

00:30:40.000 --> 00:30:44.999
than it is specially... uhm, it\'s not that horrible...
But especially if I\'ve had, if I\'ve had alcohol.

00:30:45.000 --> 00:30:49.999
Yeah. Because I don\'t know what it is about alcohol but
it boost my - It lowers, it lowers your inhibitions.

00:30:50.000 --> 00:30:54.999
It takes a whole like, I\'m too embarrassed about,
says whole like hang ups. It takes your hang ups

00:30:55.000 --> 00:30:59.999
and it like it tosses them out the window. That\'s
what it does cuz you just don\'t give a shit.

00:31:00.000 --> 00:31:08.000
[music]

00:31:10.000 --> 00:31:14.999
At first I was totally
confused how to act to Sam but

00:31:15.000 --> 00:31:19.999
after a while I felt myself flirting
with Sam like I were with a guy.

00:31:20.000 --> 00:31:24.999
It\'s like I didn\'t care anymore that the
person in front of me was a girl. I,

00:31:25.000 --> 00:31:29.999
I felt, yeah, I felt, I felt...
Being essentially a heterosexual

00:31:30.000 --> 00:31:34.999
culture, people think that bisexuals must be some
small club that meets in the backroom downtown

00:31:35.000 --> 00:31:39.999
and nothing could be further from the truth.
Just start asking ordinary people about their

00:31:40.000 --> 00:31:44.999
experiences in life and you\'d be shocked
that the number who have had at least one

00:31:45.000 --> 00:31:49.999
same sex encounter as well
as opposite sex encounters.

00:31:50.000 --> 00:31:54.999
And you probably be even more surprised that
how many people have engaged in sex with

00:31:55.000 --> 00:31:59.999
both partners as if they\'re regular part of
their life. No matter what governments or

00:32:00.000 --> 00:32:04.999
religious authorities would like us
to think, human beings are animals.

00:32:05.000 --> 00:32:13.000
[music]

00:32:15.000 --> 00:32:19.999
What?

00:32:20.000 --> 00:32:24.999
After a while I totally forgot that

00:32:25.000 --> 00:32:29.999
I was just another woman and it was just
that I was really attracted to her.

00:32:30.000 --> 00:32:34.999
I felt more playful, you know, I didn\'t

00:32:35.000 --> 00:32:39.999
have to be so serious. I wasn\'t you know,
uhm, ha, I\'ve been known to put men on

00:32:40.000 --> 00:32:44.999
pedestals. And with Tina
it\'s, ah, you know, the

00:32:45.000 --> 00:32:49.999
expectations you know, all of that, all of
that stress uhm, all those future plans just

00:32:50.000 --> 00:32:54.999
sort of slipped away and I was really able
to, to be present with her. And you know,

00:32:55.000 --> 00:32:59.999
really get to know her.

00:33:00.000 --> 00:33:04.999
[music]

00:33:05.000 --> 00:33:09.999
I\'m so used to having a male,

00:33:10.000 --> 00:33:14.999
uhm, make the first move. You know, take the
initiative, be the direct one uhm, and with

00:33:15.000 --> 00:33:19.999
Tina, I found that I had to be, I had to be more
forward. I had to asked her if I could kissed

00:33:20.000 --> 00:33:24.999
her. Now, uhm, I\'ve, I\'ve never
had to asked. You know, so,

00:33:25.000 --> 00:33:29.999
so it dies... it does show me, being
in a relationship with a female

00:33:30.000 --> 00:33:34.999
uhm, in... involves more communication.
I did wanna

00:33:35.000 --> 00:33:39.999
kissed her, I wanted to lean in and kissed her
but I wasn\'t sure if it would be appropriate

00:33:40.000 --> 00:33:44.999
or okay. Uhm, so I just kinda thought
of it in my head. But when she

00:33:45.000 --> 00:33:49.999
actually came and said, asked me if i... she could
kissed me at the end, then it was fantastic.

00:33:50.000 --> 00:33:54.999
Everybody knows about the magic of love\'s

00:33:55.000 --> 00:33:59.999
first kiss. It\'s a perfect moment. It\'s
more than just lips coming together. It\'s

00:34:00.000 --> 00:34:04.999
the melting of bodies and
souls and lives. All

00:34:05.000 --> 00:34:09.999
human beings craved it and when you actually
get it, it\'s a marvelous experience.

00:34:10.000 --> 00:34:14.999
It\'s also a terrifying experience
because it\'s so completing and

00:34:15.000 --> 00:34:19.999
comforting that as soon as we experienced
it we begin to experience the fear of

00:34:20.000 --> 00:34:24.999
losing it. It\'s extremely highly charged.
Now, that would be particularly

00:34:25.000 --> 00:34:29.999
so for a woman who\'s already
had a first kiss with man

00:34:30.000 --> 00:34:34.999
and then discovers that her love is
for women. She\'s a virgin all over

00:34:35.000 --> 00:34:39.999
again. A bisexual person who

00:34:40.000 --> 00:34:44.999
doesn\'t speak up is always
misidentified, almost always.

00:34:45.000 --> 00:34:49.999
And in order to be seen as you are,
you need to come out, you need to

00:34:50.000 --> 00:34:54.999
speak up. And for some people, it doesn\'t
feel so important and for others it

00:34:55.000 --> 00:34:59.999
feels extremely important. Uhm, when I
am seen as other than who I am, I feel

00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.999
like I\'m being suffocated. My
older sister is probably the

00:35:05.000 --> 00:35:09.999
most conservative of us all. But we\'re still
really close. So, I\'m a little bit nervous about

00:35:10.000 --> 00:35:14.999
telling her tonight cuz I think she\'ll
be shocked. Thanks for asking. Uhm.

00:35:15.000 --> 00:35:19.999
[music]

00:35:20.000 --> 00:35:28.000
[sil.]

00:35:40.000 --> 00:35:44.999
Okay, there\'s something I have to tell you.
You\'re pregnant?

00:35:45.000 --> 00:35:49.999
No. It\'s something quite the opposite. Uhm,

00:35:50.000 --> 00:35:54.999
for the last of a while now,
I\'ve been kind of, uhm,

00:35:55.000 --> 00:35:59.999
curious and I think that I am bisexual.

00:36:00.000 --> 00:36:04.999
And I\'m interested in being with a woman.

00:36:05.000 --> 00:36:09.999
Really? Well, how did this start?

00:36:10.000 --> 00:36:14.999
Do I know the person?
Do I know the girl? No.

00:36:15.000 --> 00:36:19.999
I haven\'t really done anything. I just have...
Went on a date and I kissed a girl. You went on a

00:36:20.000 --> 00:36:24.999
date with the girl? Yeah. I cooked the
dinner like a normal date. When you were

00:36:25.000 --> 00:36:29.999
on this date, did you guys danced? Did you guys
kissed? Did you guys sex? No. Well, we had

00:36:30.000 --> 00:36:34.999
dinner and then it was like a club so
we were dancing, just like normal.

00:36:35.000 --> 00:36:39.999
But yeah, we ended up making out actually. Well,
how did this first start? Did you, did you guys

00:36:40.000 --> 00:36:44.999
meet at the club? And then you guys are dancing and
you... No, I met her a co... I\'ve met her a few

00:36:45.000 --> 00:36:49.999
times. It\'s little... it was kinda nervous at the beginning
but when it happened after, it was just like regular.

00:36:50.000 --> 00:36:54.999
Do you feel funny? Did she feel funny?
No, it was

00:36:55.000 --> 00:36:59.999
good. Well, what\'s her name? Sam.
How do you feel about it?

00:37:00.000 --> 00:37:04.999
With me? Doesn\'t really bother me.

00:37:05.000 --> 00:37:09.999
If you wanna try all these things like you for
something you\'ve wanted to try as long as you

00:37:10.000 --> 00:37:14.999
don\'t feel guilty about it. But if you are
the type of... if you kept pushing in on

00:37:15.000 --> 00:37:19.999
like this or if you would flounder to something in
front of me, I\'d probably feel a bit uncomfortable of.

00:37:20.000 --> 00:37:24.999
Let\'s say, I came for dinner and you said, \"Oh, this
is my girlfriend Sam.\" I\'d be like... I\'d probably

00:37:25.000 --> 00:37:29.999
feel a little bit uncomfortable. So, how long
have you been thinking about it? If you,

00:37:30.000 --> 00:37:34.999
if you\'ve been bisexual or not, or thinking
about if you like women or is this when you

00:37:35.000 --> 00:37:39.999
started to travel or you guys... when you
went to Portugal or when you... Well...

00:37:40.000 --> 00:37:44.999
Does this been bo... this has been something that you\'ve
always wondered throughout your life? Or is it something that

00:37:45.000 --> 00:37:49.999
happened as a child or... I think cuz
I didn\'t have a lot of friends to

00:37:50.000 --> 00:37:54.999
ever talked about uhm, sex for like the longest
time till like a couple of years ago. None of my

00:37:55.000 --> 00:37:59.999
friends would talked about it. Uhm, so it wasn\'t
until like I started talking to people who are

00:38:00.000 --> 00:38:04.999
more open. That I found out like 90% of
the population, I swear to God has like

00:38:05.000 --> 00:38:09.999
experimented with same sex. Well,
I\'m happy we had... I could

00:38:10.000 --> 00:38:14.999
tell Cindy was taken aback when I told her.
But I guess it was kind of pretty shocking

00:38:15.000 --> 00:38:19.999
coming from me. But I\'m really, really glad
that I told her. You told me. Even a couple of

00:38:20.000 --> 00:38:24.999
years ago, I never thought that I would be interested in having experienced
with women. I think it\'s always on the back of your mind but I kinda

00:38:25.000 --> 00:38:29.999
like pushed it away and was like, \"No, I\'m straight.
I\'m gonna conform.\" We don\'t know whether

00:38:30.000 --> 00:38:34.999
sexual orientation is innate
or whether it\'s something that

00:38:35.000 --> 00:38:39.999
is developed during the course of our lives.
People have this idea though that lesbian,

00:38:40.000 --> 00:38:44.999
gay, and straight are things that are innate
and bisexuals is something that is chosen.

00:38:45.000 --> 00:38:49.999
And I dispute that. I
absolutely did not experienced

00:38:50.000 --> 00:38:54.999
my own sexual orientation as a choice.
That said, if somebody offered me

00:38:55.000 --> 00:38:59.999
a straight pill to make me
heterosexual or to make me a lesbian,

00:39:00.000 --> 00:39:04.999
I wouldn\'t wanna take one. Well, I think one of the things
is that... one of the things that I\'m most grateful to

00:39:05.000 --> 00:39:09.999
bisexuals for and bisexuality for is the way it makes us
question everything though. I think the most important

00:39:10.000 --> 00:39:14.999
thing in terms of homosexual health is options.
It\'s not that you have to be one thing or 12

00:39:15.000 --> 00:39:19.999
things. But that we all have the options
to be what, what is genuinely true for us

00:39:20.000 --> 00:39:24.999
and what feels right. And by sexuality makes
us question all of these and makes us

00:39:25.000 --> 00:39:29.999
question, you know, the rigidity of
sexual identity. Sex isn\'t about the, the

00:39:30.000 --> 00:39:34.999
destination, it\'s about that journey. And obviously that I
think that saying(ph) is true for, ah, sexual orientation and

00:39:35.000 --> 00:39:39.999
health is that we have to asked these questions
and bisexuals are making us ask these questions

00:39:40.000 --> 00:39:44.999
and that\'s a very good thing.
I have no regrets. I\'m really

00:39:45.000 --> 00:39:49.999
happy. I don\'t think it\'s the end of
anything cuz I\'ve had my first experience.

00:39:50.000 --> 00:39:54.999
I think I\'m gonna keep the door definitely open to see
what happens. I\'m glad I went on a date. I\'m glad I

00:39:55.000 --> 00:39:59.999
kissed Tina. Uhm, I\'m gonna
keep my options open.

00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:04.999
I had... Tina is not... uhm, I don\'t
think she\'s someone I would be ah,

00:40:05.000 --> 00:40:09.999
be interested in having... being
in a physical, physical intimate

00:40:10.000 --> 00:40:14.999
relationship with.

00:40:15.000 --> 00:40:19.999
Uhm, do you think tomorrow,
we\'ll, uhm, we\'ll still be

00:40:20.000 --> 00:40:24.999
a couple(ph)? I met this girl, Pia. We go to
the same school together. We take the same

00:40:25.000 --> 00:40:29.999
program. We, ah, we enjoy doing the
same things and we really get along.

00:40:30.000 --> 00:40:34.999
It\'s been quite enjoyable sharing
this friendship with her

00:40:35.000 --> 00:40:39.999
and ah, you know, I\'ve... I\'m really looking
forward to getting to know more of her.

00:40:40.000 --> 00:40:44.999
I, I could quite possibly marry a woman.
You know, it really depends on

00:40:45.000 --> 00:40:49.999
how she treats me. Uhm, you know,
the dynamics of the relationship

00:40:50.000 --> 00:40:54.999
uhm, you know how good of a
parent she is. Uhm, yeah

00:40:55.000 --> 00:40:59.999
definitely. That... that\'s definitely uhm,
that\'s definitely an option that... that\'s ah,

00:41:00.000 --> 00:41:04.999
that\'s opened for me.

00:41:05.000 --> 00:41:09.999
[music]

00:41:10.000 --> 00:41:14.999
A lot has happened in the last few months.
I found out

00:41:15.000 --> 00:41:19.999
that I was pregnant, ah, which is
very unexpected. So, maybe being a

00:41:20.000 --> 00:41:24.999
mom to be uhm, has definitely
changed a lot of things in my life.

00:41:25.000 --> 00:41:29.999
Me and Mark, my ex-boyfriend
had gotten together and ah,

00:41:30.000 --> 00:41:34.999
rekindle things and then we found out
that we\'re going to be new parents.

00:41:35.000 --> 00:41:39.999
So, it came as a shocked but we\'re
really, really, really happy and ah,

00:41:40.000 --> 00:41:44.999
excited and nervous and everything.
See how it goes.

00:41:45.000 --> 00:41:49.999
But as for my sexual identity

00:41:50.000 --> 00:41:54.999
in regards to the bisexual part of
me, it\'s still there. It\'s just that

00:41:55.000 --> 00:41:59.999
now that I\'ve always wanted to be
with one partner, just monogamous.

00:42:00.000 --> 00:42:04.999
So, now that I\'ve chosen to be with Mark
and we\'re gonna have a family together,

00:42:05.000 --> 00:42:09.999
then not just leaves me on that road.
But not to say that I\'m not still

00:42:10.000 --> 00:42:14.999
attracted to women or still in the
bisexual community. It just that

00:42:15.000 --> 00:42:19.999
right now, my life is like led me into
this direction and that\'s where I\'m going.

00:42:20.000 --> 00:42:24.999
[music]

00:42:25.000 --> 00:42:29.999
Looking back on the kiss that I

00:42:30.000 --> 00:42:34.999
had with Samantha, I realized
that it was more than just a kiss

00:42:35.000 --> 00:42:39.999
and experimenting sexually.
It was really about

00:42:40.000 --> 00:42:44.999
myself and growing as a person and letting
a lot of the labels and a lot of the

00:42:45.000 --> 00:42:49.999
hang ups I had go. And I think
it\'s really taught me and made me

00:42:50.000 --> 00:42:54.999
stronger as an individual for moving forward
in life cuz it has made me a lot more open

00:42:55.000 --> 00:42:59.999
and a lot more free.

00:43:00.000 --> 00:43:08.000
[music]

00:43:40.000 --> 00:43:45.000
[sil.]