WEBVTT

00:01:15.000 --> 00:01:23.000
[music]

00:01:25.000 --> 00:01:29.999
In 1968, I had a supposed
nervous break down. And

00:01:30.000 --> 00:01:34.999
finally I just sort of
collapsed and was diagnosed as

00:01:35.000 --> 00:01:39.999
being a manic-depressive.

00:01:40.000 --> 00:01:44.999
Well, at first I didn\'t really understand,
I call my husband crying from the

00:01:45.000 --> 00:01:49.999
hospital and said, \"They know what\'s the matter with me.
I\'m a depressed maniac.\" And he laughingly he said, \"Well,

00:01:50.000 --> 00:01:54.999
I kinda think you got that make stuff. I don\'t think
that\'s quite right.\" I was told that it was something

00:01:55.000 --> 00:01:59.999
that was a mood swing, an exaggerated mood swing
and that I would have highest periods in my

00:02:00.000 --> 00:02:04.999
life which was known a mania. And then I would also
have the low periods. And that there really wasn\'t

00:02:05.000 --> 00:02:09.999
much that would control them. And I said, \"I want to
die.\" If you really must know, I said I want to die.

00:02:10.000 --> 00:02:14.999
I felt my life was over. As a
young girl, I remember being very

00:02:15.000 --> 00:02:19.999
moody and I thought that I was just a no good
achiever. And I know now that I was experiencing

00:02:20.000 --> 00:02:24.999
depression in mania and of course,
I had no idea what it was.

00:02:25.000 --> 00:02:29.999
Probably as I look back now, I know that my
mother and my grandmother were affected. And

00:02:30.000 --> 00:02:34.999
they didn\'t get it either less from them.
My mother was a very negative person.

00:02:35.000 --> 00:02:39.999
I knew I wasn\'t suppose to laugh or be happy because
mother would be in depression. She\'d say, \"How can you

00:02:40.000 --> 00:02:44.999
smile? And so many years ago and
today, somebody died.\" I\'d say

00:02:45.000 --> 00:02:49.999
it\'s a pretty day or little rain before dark.
So she was negative or quite yell all the time.

00:02:50.000 --> 00:02:54.999
I have never in my life woke up
in the morning and said, \"I\'m

00:02:55.000 --> 00:02:59.999
glad it\'s another day.\" Me... me... many
of them didn\'t go in to bed so with

00:03:00.000 --> 00:03:04.999
the prayer on my lips that I would no see another day. And
being so discourage when I wake up to the next morning and

00:03:05.000 --> 00:03:09.999
say, \"Oh God, another day.\"

00:03:10.000 --> 00:03:14.999
[music]

00:03:15.000 --> 00:03:19.999
And most people, they don\'t know what
it\'s like. They had to go to work when

00:03:20.000 --> 00:03:24.999
it takes you 5 minutes to turn on your key because
you\'re so slow down and you\'re so wary and

00:03:25.000 --> 00:03:29.999
you\'re so tired. And how hard it is to get
your clothes on to even get to your job.

00:03:30.000 --> 00:03:34.999
And would ho... what a
breath you have to put up.

00:03:35.000 --> 00:03:39.999
And how exhausted you are
when come in in the evening.

00:03:40.000 --> 00:03:44.999
We, really, too are people.

00:03:45.000 --> 00:03:49.999
When we\'re manic or a happy manic, we are
partying and we\'re loving and we can do

00:03:50.000 --> 00:03:54.999
enough for people, and we\'re buying \'em gifts and
we love \'em. Then we withdraw and we\'ll go into

00:03:55.000 --> 00:03:59.999
depression. And we\'re in the horrible hell.
We\'re becomin\' entirely different person.

00:04:00.000 --> 00:04:04.999
Is it noon, is it noon,

00:04:05.000 --> 00:04:09.999
is it noon? Oh. Oh, 11:30 during the day time. Actually, well,
I wonder... You were watching for it, Maco(ph). Yeah, I think.

00:04:10.000 --> 00:04:14.999
Well, they said it was very good. Ardy
Houston(ph), 62 years old, was diagnosed

00:04:15.000 --> 00:04:19.999
a manic-depressive when she was 43.
For five years, she has taken

00:04:20.000 --> 00:04:24.999
600 milligrams of lithium daily but her
mood has never been stabilized. So, they

00:04:25.000 --> 00:04:29.999
said, \"You know, Ardy(ph) you really are suppose to have shoes
around here. Well I know, and when they tell me I got a

00:04:30.000 --> 00:04:34.999
bare shoes, I\'ve say, \"Look, my idea of havin\' this has been
able to help but I don\'t need more to sleep for a second.

00:04:35.000 --> 00:04:39.999
I love this. Ardy(ph) has decided to
be reevaluated at a Mood Disorders

00:04:40.000 --> 00:04:44.999
Clinic in Dallas. Oh, I seem like I\'m 25. This time
I was as strong as a photo as it was because I\'m

00:04:45.000 --> 00:04:49.999
getting winded. Okay. Do act now just like a gentleman.
Absolutely. A gentleman as you are. very good.

00:04:50.000 --> 00:04:54.999
Here we are. Here we are.

00:04:55.000 --> 00:04:59.999
People with mood disorders, ah,
are different, I think. Ah,

00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:04.999
they tend to be more colorful,
they\'ve lived extremely

00:05:05.000 --> 00:05:09.999
interesting lives and had interesting
experiences. In general, they tend to be

00:05:10.000 --> 00:05:14.999
more sensitive. I sure hope we start feeling better
soon and that you don\'t have that nightmare anymore.

00:05:15.000 --> 00:05:19.999
Good luck on Tuesday. We love you and you,
we\'re all thinking of you Candy, Joel, and

00:05:20.000 --> 00:05:24.999
Jason, love and Alex from Touché(ph),
he misses you too. I\'m not

00:05:25.000 --> 00:05:29.999
expecting he does. He really don\'t know what happened then. He barked that day
when I was crying and then when he came home from the poodle(ph) parlor -

00:05:30.000 --> 00:05:34.999
Yeah. - I wasn\'t there. And he doesn\'t know
what\'s happening to me. Being in an episode of

00:05:35.000 --> 00:05:39.999
depression, being the object of
public scorn, ah, losing their job,

00:05:40.000 --> 00:05:44.999
being misunderstood by their family, their
friends, and perhaps ever their spouse. Ah,

00:05:45.000 --> 00:05:49.999
they have, ah, incredible
challenges to over come.

00:05:50.000 --> 00:05:54.999
I\'m just gonna take your pulse. Okay.
I\'m finally fine as far like I

00:05:55.000 --> 00:05:59.999
lie down. May I take a nap?
Oh! Oh yeah, that\'s

00:06:00.000 --> 00:06:04.999
great. Does it have a relax unit you can turn on to have little
shake? No. And they should have probably. They have it ever

00:06:05.000 --> 00:06:09.999
been less. You\'ve that in many... that beauty shop does,
the beauty operator\'s chair does. She shook me while

00:06:10.000 --> 00:06:14.999
she was... Well, it\'s just intend to be deep. All right,
it was really good. Just leave me here. Comfortable

00:06:15.000 --> 00:06:19.999
for you? Oh, it is. It\'s very comfortable. All
right. I like it. I need to be quiet here.

00:06:20.000 --> 00:06:24.999
I can here every word. In
mania, it\'s often very

00:06:25.000 --> 00:06:29.999
one-sided. The manic patient cannot
sit down and engage another person

00:06:30.000 --> 00:06:34.999
in meaningful co... ah, conversation. Ah,
they cannot listen. They will only pick

00:06:35.000 --> 00:06:39.999
up parts of the conversation and be
distracted one second by, ah, painting

00:06:40.000 --> 00:06:44.999
on the wall or a thought that they had a
moment later, or a car going by on the street.

00:06:45.000 --> 00:06:49.999
Let\'s go ahead and sit you up. Okay. Do I do it all the
medicare you\'re doing? No. But you have. Oh, oh, I like

00:06:50.000 --> 00:06:54.999
it. I mean, you know, absolutely effort-free. Now, I
wonder it cost so much to your work as psychiatrist this

00:06:55.000 --> 00:06:59.999
day. And you got all this new modern conveniences.
I liked it. They also have this urge to talk. Oh,

00:07:00.000 --> 00:07:04.999
I do, I really do. I think the only improvement I can think of is that
the chair could have vibrating. So we\'re like. If you were waiting

00:07:05.000 --> 00:07:09.999
for your doctor, you could vibrate. And so
they will talk rapidly as well. Although, ah,

00:07:10.000 --> 00:07:14.999
often times the speech doesn\'t keep up with
their thinking. And in fact, they will

00:07:15.000 --> 00:07:19.999
go from one subject to another subject
without meaningful or obvious connection.

00:07:20.000 --> 00:07:24.999
You were telling me just a moment ago how at times
it seems like your thoughts are speeded up. Yes, I\'m

00:07:25.000 --> 00:07:29.999
talking constantly because I have to get everything
done. Is it hard to interrupt? Is it hard for

00:07:30.000 --> 00:07:34.999
other people to interrupt you? Yeah, my husband and,
and the nurses talk. He said, \"Just take it easy,

00:07:35.000 --> 00:07:39.999
Hon, just slow down.\" You know, I was right a little mile
already, they say, \"You\'re like a race horse.\" My roommate says,\"

00:07:40.000 --> 00:07:44.999
Honey, you need to rest. When do you ever take time to rest?
You\'re always, \"I gotta do this, I gotta do, do that. In between

00:07:45.000 --> 00:07:49.999
the test, you\'re charging off.\" Do you follow me? Uh-hmm.
That\'s what you want me telling you? Yes. Okay, fine.

00:07:50.000 --> 00:07:54.999
You had mentioned to me that your self-esteem was, ah,
elevated. Who\'s wouldn\'t be? With the room full of

00:07:55.000 --> 00:07:59.999
flowers, with calls from all over the country, with
vestures, with all this love being showered on me,

00:08:00.000 --> 00:08:04.999
anybody\'s self-esteem would be raised.
Since 1963 you\'ve been really a

00:08:05.000 --> 00:08:09.999
rapid cycle, meaning that you
were rapidly alternating from the

00:08:10.000 --> 00:08:14.999
manic state to the depressed state,
and as best I can tell, you had no

00:08:15.000 --> 00:08:19.999
periods of time as long as six months - That\'s right.
Exactly. - where you had no symptoms. Exactly. Well, I

00:08:20.000 --> 00:08:24.999
know it\'s hard to hear me say to you that, you
know, likelihood, you should be able to get

00:08:25.000 --> 00:08:29.999
completely well. I can\'t believe it. Because you\'ve suffered
so long - That\'s right. - with this illness. That\'s right.

00:08:30.000 --> 00:08:34.999
And eventfully, you have 42 years
of being ill and you\'ve probably

00:08:35.000 --> 00:08:39.999
gone through about 80 cycles. It\'s a lot. I have
the clinics. I cry all the time, I cry very easy,

00:08:40.000 --> 00:08:44.999
I cry a lot. Ah, it is
hard to hear that in all

00:08:45.000 --> 00:08:49.999
likelihood you can get completely well and bring this illness
under control. I don\'t know how anybody else would feel.

00:08:50.000 --> 00:08:54.999
But I don\'t think they
would believe it either.

00:08:55.000 --> 00:08:59.999
Since this patient has not
been treated with lithium

00:09:00.000 --> 00:09:04.999
alone in the high enough doses to
really have a therapeutic blood level,

00:09:05.000 --> 00:09:09.999
I think the treatment choice really out
would be lithium. Ah, I would treat her

00:09:10.000 --> 00:09:14.999
rather aggressively that is, I would aim
to have lithium levels in excessive

00:09:15.000 --> 00:09:19.999
1.2 in order to control this. And,
ah, hopefully we do... we would see

00:09:20.000 --> 00:09:24.999
some response within a couple of weeks.

00:09:25.000 --> 00:09:33.000
[music]

00:09:35.000 --> 00:09:39.999
Jim Springer(ph), 32
years old, is a graphic

00:09:40.000 --> 00:09:44.999
artist in Dallas. A year ago, he
was arrested for bank robbery. Six

00:09:45.000 --> 00:09:49.999
months ago, he was diagnosed as manic-depressive.
This is... the spender\'s paradise are here.

00:09:50.000 --> 00:09:54.999
As many credit cards as I had and as
many checks in a checkbook as I had,

00:09:55.000 --> 00:09:59.999
there was too many things here in his mall I could not
buy. If you can imagine the best thing in the world that

00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:04.999
you\'ve ever done, the most enjoyable thing in the world
you\'ve ever done, and then all of a sudden, it becomes

00:10:05.000 --> 00:10:09.999
reality for you. That\'s what is life
for a manic. It\'s like having...

00:10:10.000 --> 00:10:14.999
Being a child and having all the ice cream
you can eat, and then only having to

00:10:15.000 --> 00:10:19.999
worry about nothing at all until a chance
has come around that you\'re gotta pay for.

00:10:20.000 --> 00:10:24.999
Some patients loss that
sense of perspective.

00:10:25.000 --> 00:10:29.999
When their mood is up, they are invincible.

00:10:30.000 --> 00:10:34.999
But they really aren\'t invincible.
Nevertheless, they think they

00:10:35.000 --> 00:10:39.999
are and they often act on that feeling.
And they get themselves and their

00:10:40.000 --> 00:10:44.999
family and friends into serious trouble. And
during these times, how would you describe

00:10:45.000 --> 00:10:49.999
your mood? Oh, extremely manic.
Uhm, manic being that I\'m extremely

00:10:50.000 --> 00:10:54.999
euphoric. I can do no wrong. I have
superior abilities, ah, I\'m able

00:10:55.000 --> 00:10:59.999
to, ah, accomplish anything. How do you think you
are on your first started having these kinds of,

00:11:00.000 --> 00:11:04.999
ah, scheming ideas or... I\'d say the
first ones were around my early

00:11:05.000 --> 00:11:09.999
20s. Ah, 20, 21 right in there. Ah,
in fact the first one I ever was

00:11:10.000 --> 00:11:14.999
involved wa... ah, with was around 21.
And, ah, I put up,

00:11:15.000 --> 00:11:19.999
ah, a scam for about $25,000 and
walked away with 25,000. How much

00:11:20.000 --> 00:11:24.999
money would you say you\'ve gone through in total?
Probably somewhere in the neighborhood at about 350

00:11:25.000 --> 00:11:29.999
to $380,000.

00:11:30.000 --> 00:11:34.999
During my school years, the mania
itself ah, affected me in the sense of

00:11:35.000 --> 00:11:39.999
broken relationships, playing the facade,
playing the role of, of somebody I wasn\'t.

00:11:40.000 --> 00:11:44.999
I remember two or three episodes where I played out a
role that I a... a... pertaining I was someone else

00:11:45.000 --> 00:11:49.999
and, and spending lavish amounts of money, going
to Houston for dinner at night, flying back. Ah,

00:11:50.000 --> 00:11:54.999
those were things were not unusual,
those were things that were, ah, just

00:11:55.000 --> 00:11:59.999
away life for me. I decided to get married because
I thought, well, that would settle me down,

00:12:00.000 --> 00:12:04.999
my parents will be happy. Ah, my parents at this point were
about ready to disown me. In fact, they had already called me

00:12:05.000 --> 00:12:09.999
and met with and said we\'re taking out of the
world luxuries that we\'re gonna left out. So,

00:12:10.000 --> 00:12:14.999
I met a young lady, dated her for about two and
a half or three weeks, and then, ah, decided to

00:12:15.000 --> 00:12:19.999
get married. I owned a motorcycle at
that time. I lived out in a house on the

00:12:20.000 --> 00:12:24.999
golf course by the lake. Get on the
motorcycle one morning, drove it out

00:12:25.000 --> 00:12:29.999
to a deserted area but
lake, took out a, ah,

00:12:30.000 --> 00:12:34.999
uhm, razor blade-type

00:12:35.000 --> 00:12:39.999
knife, and ah, slit my
wrist for the first time.

00:12:40.000 --> 00:12:44.999
Uhm, after that,

00:12:45.000 --> 00:12:49.999
I, I decided that, ah, I
really did wanna live

00:12:50.000 --> 00:12:54.999
so I get back on my bike and,
and ah, drove back to house and

00:12:55.000 --> 00:12:59.999
sutured it and did what I could and with as, as
best I could. And, ah, my wife never knew it.

00:13:00.000 --> 00:13:04.999
I just told her that I had an accident.

00:13:05.000 --> 00:13:09.999
[music]

00:13:10.000 --> 00:13:14.999
The bank swindle I was involved in ah, happened
about three weeks after I was married second time.

00:13:15.000 --> 00:13:19.999
We had a wedding we just gone through. I
had a smile now and death from there.

00:13:20.000 --> 00:13:24.999
So I thought how would I go about
swindling a bank and get some money.

00:13:25.000 --> 00:13:29.999
So I came up with the figure, the exact
figure that we need which is ah, $18,364 and

00:13:30.000 --> 00:13:34.999
72 cents. I called in, posing as a bank director.
I told him to put together that amount of

00:13:35.000 --> 00:13:39.999
money for a payroll account that a
new customer was opening. I arrived,

00:13:40.000 --> 00:13:44.999
told him who I was, and they had the
money they laid in on a counter in front

00:13:45.000 --> 00:13:49.999
of me. So in just a second, we\'ve got a check to make
sure that we\'ve, we\'ve got this correct. We gonna need to

00:13:50.000 --> 00:13:54.999
count this. I certainly got scared then.
I knew something\'s

00:13:55.000 --> 00:13:59.999
going on. But I thought, \"No, this is too good,
I\'m gonna play this out. This is, this great. Ah,

00:14:00.000 --> 00:14:04.999
uhm, I\'ve, I\'ve come in this far though,
I\'m sure I\'ve already got hooked.

00:14:05.000 --> 00:14:09.999
But two minutes later, two people playing close,
walked behind me and said, \"Can we see it,

00:14:10.000 --> 00:14:14.999
man?\" And they brought me over
and, ah, ask me questions,

00:14:15.000 --> 00:14:19.999
who I was and why I was here to
pick this up and so on, so on.

00:14:20.000 --> 00:14:24.999
And jail was up. They took me
to jail, I called my wife.

00:14:25.000 --> 00:14:29.999
We\'ve been married three weeks now. I called her and
I said, \"Catherine(ph), I\'m in jail.\" And I went,\"

00:14:30.000 --> 00:14:34.999
You\'re where?\" And he said, \"Ah, I
just try to rob a bank.\" And I said,\"

00:14:35.000 --> 00:14:39.999
I beg you pardon?\" And he said,
\"Well.\" I said, \"Jim, if

00:14:40.000 --> 00:14:44.999
this is a joke, this isn\'t funny. \" He said, \" Catherine,
this is no joke. I\'m really in jail and I tried

00:14:45.000 --> 00:14:49.999
to rob a bank.\" And I said, \"You mean with
the gun and like rob a bank?\" And he said,\"

00:14:50.000 --> 00:14:54.999
No, Catherine, I mean extort funds. \" I
told her, I said, \"I had to do this.

00:14:55.000 --> 00:14:59.999
I don\'t understand why I had to do this
but I had to do this. \" I said, \" Ah, you

00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:04.999
had to?\" He said, \"Yes, Catherine, I had
to do this.\" And he said, \"You know,

00:15:05.000 --> 00:15:09.999
I\'ve met some really interesting people since
I\'ve been down here. \" And I\'m going,\"

00:15:10.000 --> 00:15:14.999
You\'re meeting interesting people, you just robbed a
bank and you\'re meeting interesting people?\" I mean

00:15:15.000 --> 00:15:19.999
you don\'t know whether to be hysterical,
you don\'t know whether to laugh or to cry.

00:15:20.000 --> 00:15:24.999
You\'re just like ah, bombarded
by all of these feelings.

00:15:25.000 --> 00:15:29.999
It takes your life.

00:15:30.000 --> 00:15:34.999
Your whole life becomes this illness.
Everything

00:15:35.000 --> 00:15:39.999
you do is centered around it. There\'s
always that undercurrent of sadness.

00:15:40.000 --> 00:15:44.999
It takes a lot out of your
family life because as you

00:15:45.000 --> 00:15:49.999
go through his ups and downs, and as you go through
all of this phases, his personality changes.

00:15:50.000 --> 00:15:54.999
And he goes from being a
considerate, kind, fun,

00:15:55.000 --> 00:15:59.999
real, neat person to
being an egomaniac. He\'s

00:16:00.000 --> 00:16:04.999
always right, he\'s totally perfect.
And he\'s omnipotent, he knows

00:16:05.000 --> 00:16:09.999
everything. Ah, he\'s done everything,
he\'s been everywhere. I mean, he\'s

00:16:10.000 --> 00:16:14.999
truly obnoxious and he becomes
very sarcastic and very cruel.

00:16:15.000 --> 00:16:19.999
And when he talks to you, it\'s like a
knife going through your heart. It\'s

00:16:20.000 --> 00:16:24.999
awful.

00:16:25.000 --> 00:16:29.999
How do you feeling Jim?
Ah, today, I don\'t feel

00:16:30.000 --> 00:16:34.999
too well.

00:16:35.000 --> 00:16:39.999
You\'re worried Jim?

00:16:40.000 --> 00:16:44.999
No, I\'m not worried. I\'m just, ah,

00:16:45.000 --> 00:16:49.999
tired. I\'m just, ah,

00:16:50.000 --> 00:16:54.999
tired enough.

00:16:55.000 --> 00:16:59.999
The sense that I, I don\'t have an
answer for this yet, I, I don\'t, uhm...

00:17:00.000 --> 00:17:04.999
I don\'t know how to combat it. Ah, I don\'t

00:17:05.000 --> 00:17:09.999
know how to win at it.

00:17:10.000 --> 00:17:14.999
I just haven\'t figured out a way yet.

00:17:15.000 --> 00:17:19.999
[sil.]

00:17:20.000 --> 00:17:24.999
Manic-depressive illness
is a brain disorder.

00:17:25.000 --> 00:17:29.999
It is a part of that disorder that
we lose our perspective. That is

00:17:30.000 --> 00:17:34.999
we\'re unable to see it as
separate from, uhm, ourselves.

00:17:35.000 --> 00:17:39.999
Ah, it is a disorder of, ah, ah, the
very organ with which we perceive.

00:17:40.000 --> 00:17:44.999
The mood disorders are inherited.
Ah, the data

00:17:45.000 --> 00:17:49.999
is unequivocal when it comes
to manic-depressive illness or

00:17:50.000 --> 00:17:54.999
bipolar disorder. Virtually, every study
and that includes family studies,

00:17:55.000 --> 00:17:59.999
twin studies, studies where twins
were reared apart, adaption studies,

00:18:00.000 --> 00:18:04.999
every conceivable method has been
used to show that manic-depressive

00:18:05.000 --> 00:18:09.999
illness or bipolar disorder is
inherited and, ah, also is a genetic

00:18:10.000 --> 00:18:14.999
illness. Often, most often,
when people are depressed, they

00:18:15.000 --> 00:18:19.999
are unable to say, \"My mood is down.\"

00:18:20.000 --> 00:18:24.999
They rather say, \"I am down. I am no good.
I should not be alive,

00:18:25.000 --> 00:18:29.999
I should never been born.
I wasted my life.\"

00:18:30.000 --> 00:18:34.999
Instead, a diabetic, most
often can\'t say, \"My

00:18:35.000 --> 00:18:39.999
pancreas is, is not working.
It\'s defective, I need insulin.

00:18:40.000 --> 00:18:44.999
And when I get insulin then I will
be able to complete my term paper.

00:18:45.000 --> 00:18:49.999
I\'ll be able to, ah, be a
spouse, be a parent, hold a

00:18:50.000 --> 00:18:54.999
job, etcetera.\"

00:18:55.000 --> 00:18:59.999
Joan Pasens(ph), 38

00:19:00.000 --> 00:19:04.999
years old, has a master\'s degree in nursing.
Three years ago, she stopped working when she

00:19:05.000 --> 00:19:09.999
had her first major depression. It was a

00:19:10.000 --> 00:19:14.999
feeling of emptiness and
saw a total emptiness.

00:19:15.000 --> 00:19:19.999
Even though at the

00:19:20.000 --> 00:19:24.999
time I would be very, very
sad, it would be rare that

00:19:25.000 --> 00:19:29.999
I could cry. Anxiety,

00:19:30.000 --> 00:19:34.999
unexplained anxiety. I could not do simple

00:19:35.000 --> 00:19:39.999
tasks or make decisions.
It would get me so upset.

00:19:40.000 --> 00:19:44.999
I would have dirty dishes piled
up from three days even though I

00:19:45.000 --> 00:19:49.999
had a dishwasher. And laundry,
that would pile up. I just

00:19:50.000 --> 00:19:54.999
felt that I was falling
apart, sometimes I still do.

00:19:55.000 --> 00:19:59.999
[music]

00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:04.999
Three

00:20:05.000 --> 00:20:09.999
months later, Joan\'s depression lifted. But she
began to spend money wildly and was finally

00:20:10.000 --> 00:20:14.999
diagnosed as manic-depressive. For two and a half
years, Joan has taken lithium and combination

00:20:15.000 --> 00:20:19.999
with anti-depressants. Oh, I give you 650

00:20:20.000 --> 00:20:24.999
today. Okay. And then just charge it. Okay.

00:20:25.000 --> 00:20:29.999
Joan met her husband Michael(ph)
while he was a marine and she was a

00:20:30.000 --> 00:20:34.999
navy nurse. They live together in Sulphur Springs,
Texas with their two children. When she was

00:20:35.000 --> 00:20:39.999
manic, I mean, she\'s extremely irritable
when she\'s manic. Ah, not only

00:20:40.000 --> 00:20:44.999
that she not sleep but she\'s
very overbearing, bossy.

00:20:45.000 --> 00:20:49.999
She told me one time when I was complaining about the money she was
spending, it was my job to put the money in the bank, her job,

00:20:50.000 --> 00:20:54.999
spend it. When she was manic, all
of a sudden, she wanted to have sex

00:20:55.000 --> 00:20:59.999
everyday. She\'d get like the kids off and come back
in the morning. You know, and, and we wanna get in

00:21:00.000 --> 00:21:04.999
bed and like left. I started
getting bills, total

00:21:05.000 --> 00:21:09.999
large phone bills. She\'d start calling people that
she\'s hadn\'t sa... talked to in 15 or 20 years.

00:21:10.000 --> 00:21:14.999
I got a call from a furniture company one day and says, \"Where
am I gonna your furniture?\" And I didn\'t know I had a new

00:21:15.000 --> 00:21:19.999
furniture comin\'. And I s... I
do things and say things, ah,

00:21:20.000 --> 00:21:24.999
that I\'m not proud of when she\'s the way... you
know, when she\'s that way. I, I scream and

00:21:25.000 --> 00:21:29.999
yell, ah, I\'ve gone this far. Just call the
attorneys and say, \"Hey, I\'m gonna get a divorce.\"

00:21:30.000 --> 00:21:34.999
One day, she\'s happy and
she\'s nice, and she\'s

00:21:35.000 --> 00:21:39.999
cheerful. The next day, she\'s scrappy and
she yells a lot. She\'s a lot... she\'s

00:21:40.000 --> 00:21:44.999
really tired and, uhm, other
day, she\'s just gonna

00:21:45.000 --> 00:21:49.999
in between sometimes. I just hope
she gets better. And so it\'s

00:21:50.000 --> 00:21:54.999
hard when she keeps going up and down cuz you don\'t
know when you can have friends over. One day,

00:21:55.000 --> 00:21:59.999
you can and the next day, you can\'t.
So, I hopes she gets better.

00:22:00.000 --> 00:22:04.999
Our anniversary\'s in 16
more days, 14 years.

00:22:05.000 --> 00:22:09.999
I do the same. Can I turn in?
You can probably.

00:22:10.000 --> 00:22:14.999
Yes.

00:22:15.000 --> 00:22:19.999
Gosh. I can\'t think of... For
the last six months, lithium

00:22:20.000 --> 00:22:24.999
has controlled Joan\'s mania but anti-depressants
have failed to lift her depression.

00:22:25.000 --> 00:22:29.999
Ah, once you get to
sleep, what happens? Uhm,

00:22:30.000 --> 00:22:34.999
if I\'ve gone to sleep at 10,
I may get up anywhere from

00:22:35.000 --> 00:22:39.999
3:30 to 5.

00:22:40.000 --> 00:22:44.999
Uhm, this morning, it was

00:22:45.000 --> 00:22:49.999
close to 4 o\'clock. Are you
able to go back to sleep? No.

00:22:50.000 --> 00:22:54.999
I never enable to go back to sleep.
So, once you\'re awaken,

00:22:55.000 --> 00:22:59.999
you\'re up? Right. How about
your sexual interest, Joan?

00:23:00.000 --> 00:23:04.999
No other... it\'s about the

00:23:05.000 --> 00:23:09.999
same as we just go as the last time.
Okay. Do you have any sexual

00:23:10.000 --> 00:23:14.999
interest? No.

00:23:15.000 --> 00:23:19.999
None. How about your... ah, the things you
have to do around the house, the work

00:23:20.000 --> 00:23:24.999
that you\'re doing? Uhm, are you
able to keep up with that?

00:23:25.000 --> 00:23:29.999
Yeah. I, I push myself to do everything. Yeah.
So everything you do is you have to push

00:23:30.000 --> 00:23:34.999
yourself to do it. Feel like you\'ve let down
your family, your children, your husband?

00:23:35.000 --> 00:23:39.999
I think that\'s about right.

00:23:40.000 --> 00:23:44.999
Do you find yourself thinking
that life is emptier and not

00:23:45.000 --> 00:23:49.999
worth living?

00:23:50.000 --> 00:23:54.999
I think I

00:23:55.000 --> 00:23:59.999
try and taught myself ahead of that. Uhm,

00:24:00.000 --> 00:24:04.999
I mean, I\'ve... it\'s occurred to me or

00:24:05.000 --> 00:24:09.999
suicide has but I\'ve never seriously

00:24:10.000 --> 00:24:14.999
considered, uhm, doing anything.

00:24:15.000 --> 00:24:19.999
Can you hear and, and can
you understand that, uhm,

00:24:20.000 --> 00:24:24.999
Michael(ph) has made a commitment to
you and to the kids to stay with you?

00:24:25.000 --> 00:24:29.999
You know, I can\'t remember him
saying anything to the children.

00:24:30.000 --> 00:24:34.999
Uhm,

00:24:35.000 --> 00:24:39.999
but,

00:24:40.000 --> 00:24:44.999
you know, he has made

00:24:45.000 --> 00:24:49.999
the statement. It looks to me like I
have to... I\'m just being there all the

00:24:50.000 --> 00:24:54.999
time, it\'s a big statement I can make.

00:24:55.000 --> 00:24:59.999
Ah, I just have a growing
concern in view of

00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:04.999
the fact that you\'ve been ill for so long.
Uhm, that a... a hour of

00:25:05.000 --> 00:25:09.999
anti-depressants are not gonna do the kind
of job you need done. Well, that means

00:25:10.000 --> 00:25:14.999
in my mind that we probably have two
choices. One of them is another tricyclic.

00:25:15.000 --> 00:25:19.999
Ah, the other one is
electroconvulsive therapy.

00:25:20.000 --> 00:25:24.999
Ah, ECT has an effectiveness
rate of 90 to 95% for the

00:25:25.000 --> 00:25:29.999
kinds of depressions that you have.
And so that\'s why I\'m raising the

00:25:30.000 --> 00:25:34.999
issue of ECT now as one treatment option.
And then after

00:25:35.000 --> 00:25:39.999
ECT, we\'d place you once again
on prophylactic medication. But

00:25:40.000 --> 00:25:44.999
ECT would most likely, ah, since it
has that high effectiveness rate.

00:25:45.000 --> 00:25:49.999
Move your depression into full emission.
For 60 to

00:25:50.000 --> 00:25:54.999
70% of patients, the medications do work.
However, that leaves 30 to

00:25:55.000 --> 00:25:59.999
40% who either don\'t respond to the
medication or who can\'t take the medications

00:26:00.000 --> 00:26:04.999
because of side effects such as severe
dizziness, blurred vision or constipation.

00:26:05.000 --> 00:26:09.999
For those patients, a treatment
of choice is ECT. ECT

00:26:10.000 --> 00:26:14.999
has the highest success rate in the
treatment of severe mood disorders.

00:26:15.000 --> 00:26:19.999
However, there are two problems in
offering ECT to patients. First of all is

00:26:20.000 --> 00:26:24.999
ECT\'s image. Because of the way ECT has
been depicted in the movies and the

00:26:25.000 --> 00:26:29.999
way in which it\'s been associated with
discredited treatment such as insulin

00:26:30.000 --> 00:26:34.999
coma or prefrontal lobotomy, the idea
of ECT is very frightening to patients.

00:26:35.000 --> 00:26:39.999
Secondly, it\'s expensive. We typically
give three treatments a week for a

00:26:40.000 --> 00:26:44.999
total of 12 to 18 treatments that requires
a minimum of one month in the hospital.

00:26:45.000 --> 00:26:49.999
A month\'s hospitalization in this
day and time is very expensive.

00:26:50.000 --> 00:26:54.999
ECT involved all of the observation
that psychiatric patients who had

00:26:55.000 --> 00:26:59.999
epileptic seizures demonstrated
improvement in their symptoms.

00:27:00.000 --> 00:27:04.999
Psychiatrist then thought that if they could
artificially induce these seizures that they

00:27:05.000 --> 00:27:09.999
might develop a more effective form of
treatment. First of all, the patient is

00:27:10.000 --> 00:27:14.999
placed completely asleep. Most importantly,
what that means is that the patient feels

00:27:15.000 --> 00:27:19.999
nothing. In fact, most patients,
when they awaken from their

00:27:20.000 --> 00:27:24.999
procedure, don\'t even know
they\'ve had the seizure.

00:27:25.000 --> 00:27:29.999
And addition to the anesthesia,
the anesthesiologist

00:27:30.000 --> 00:27:34.999
delivers a muscle relaxant.
So the rather extreme

00:27:35.000 --> 00:27:39.999
muscle contractions that most people
associate with an epileptic seizure or fit

00:27:40.000 --> 00:27:44.999
do not occur during electroconvulsive
therapy. There are no reflexes in. Okay.

00:27:45.000 --> 00:27:49.999
The electrodes are placed against the

00:27:50.000 --> 00:27:54.999
skin and a brief electrical
discharge is delivered to the

00:27:55.000 --> 00:27:59.999
patient.

00:28:00.000 --> 00:28:04.999
Okay, good. The patient has a

00:28:05.000 --> 00:28:09.999
seizure and the seizure typically last
somewhere between 30 and 60 seconds. The

00:28:10.000 --> 00:28:14.999
patient is asleep throughout
the seizure and feels nothing.

00:28:15.000 --> 00:28:19.999
The whole procedure, from falling asleep to

00:28:20.000 --> 00:28:24.999
waking up in the recovery room,
takes about five to 10 minutes.

00:28:25.000 --> 00:28:29.999
If Joan were to take ECT, it would require

00:28:30.000 --> 00:28:34.999
approximately 10 to 14 treatments and that would
require somewhere between four and five weeks.

00:28:35.000 --> 00:28:39.999
At the end of that course of treatment, ah,
we would notice a distinct lifting of her

00:28:40.000 --> 00:28:44.999
mood. Her sleep would normalize,
her appetite and her concentration

00:28:45.000 --> 00:28:49.999
would return to normal and her energy
and her interest would normalize.

00:28:50.000 --> 00:28:54.999
However, at this point I really don\'t think
Joan has accepted that she has an illness

00:28:55.000 --> 00:28:59.999
and consequently, can\'t make the decision
as to whether or not to take the

00:29:00.000 --> 00:29:04.999
treatments.

00:29:05.000 --> 00:29:13.000
[music]

00:29:15.000 --> 00:29:19.999
Cuz even you\'re sick, you\'re feeling good. You\'re always too good.
I\'m always too good, this is true. This is one of the nicest

00:29:20.000 --> 00:29:24.999
things about getting back towards the great wellness,
even more so that you makeup with you hair.

00:29:25.000 --> 00:29:29.999
Ardy Houston(ph) has been on high doses of
lithium for five days now. But so far, the

00:29:30.000 --> 00:29:34.999
lithium has had little effect on her mania.
I orphan a copper when I was growing up.

00:29:35.000 --> 00:29:39.999
Dr. Schlesser gives Ardy(ph) occasional day passes
because she constantly complains about being in the

00:29:40.000 --> 00:29:44.999
hospital. Oh, she says, \"You are suppose to go down
to occupational therapy this morning.\" I said, \"I\'m

00:29:45.000 --> 00:29:49.999
not here for that crap. I didn\'t come over here
to make an ashtray. I came here because I am very

00:29:50.000 --> 00:29:54.999
seriously ill and I\'m trying to breath and I\'m scheduled
for pulmonary studies this morning. \" She says,\"

00:29:55.000 --> 00:29:59.999
Your doctor won\'t like it.\" I said, \"That\'s his problem.\"
I\'m told the first day that I\'m in the hospital,

00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.999
\"Ah, you have a group on Tuesday, Thursday, and
Friday or some such three to four days a week and

00:30:05.000 --> 00:30:09.999
this is gonna be a topics group. And secondly, when
you leave this group then you go down and you\'ll

00:30:10.000 --> 00:30:14.999
have a feelings group, we\'re gonna discuss feelings.\" I
said, \"I told you I\'m not here for that crap.\" To group

00:30:15.000 --> 00:30:19.999
nine to 10, 10 to 11 feelings group,
two structure hours. When I was so

00:30:20.000 --> 00:30:24.999
ill, all I want to do is lie in my bed, try to get my task to
get this so I could talk to my doctor when he got there. So

00:30:25.000 --> 00:30:29.999
in two, two so... solid hours of this mickey mouse
crap which is very irritating, not only to me, but

00:30:30.000 --> 00:30:34.999
all of the people that are there. At time, they could be so
we... much better spent and much... ah, make more sense to

00:30:35.000 --> 00:30:39.999
each and everybody and be so much more effectual. If they could
be spend individually or with the members talking to each

00:30:40.000 --> 00:30:44.999
other as they doing my support group, instead they\'re jerked up and
they put in the setting and the, the ones over over here are making me

00:30:45.000 --> 00:30:49.999
ashtrays or making the ashtrays, this group, we\'re gonna be talking
about feelings and this group, but they are lead, mind you about this

00:30:50.000 --> 00:30:54.999
well-trained psychiatric personnel. And the doctors,
the psychiatrist I go to see and I would say,\"

00:30:55.000 --> 00:30:59.999
Why do I do this?\" And he would clo... fold his
arms and say, \"Oh, why do you think you do this?\"

00:31:00.000 --> 00:31:04.999
And I would say, \"Oh, God, God, if I knew why,
I wouldn\'t be paying you and I went through 14

00:31:05.000 --> 00:31:09.999
years of this. \" I tell my people just like falling
in a deep well. Being very frightened and screaming,\"

00:31:10.000 --> 00:31:14.999
Help me. Help me.\" And finally, you\'ve
lost your voice. Nobody hears you. You\'re

00:31:15.000 --> 00:31:19.999
screaming inside. Now, this is being brought out with
the training and acceptance of a be... these are

00:31:20.000 --> 00:31:24.999
biochemical illness, that it is a brain
dysfunction or to... it concerns the brain.

00:31:25.000 --> 00:31:29.999
That the brain is an organ of the body. The brain is not
a spirit out here. The brain is an organ like my liver,

00:31:30.000 --> 00:31:34.999
my heart, my gallbladder. I have e... I,
I... The brain is that in fact the very most

00:31:35.000 --> 00:31:39.999
the complicated one. There are millions and millions of
tiny little cells. It has to be completely in to you.

00:31:40.000 --> 00:31:44.999
A car, if it\'s got one spark plug missing, it lopes along
and gets out of balance. This is what happens to us, with

00:31:45.000 --> 00:31:49.999
affective disorder. When our chemistry gets out of balance
and we slow down, our brain slows down. We become

00:31:50.000 --> 00:31:54.999
clumsy. It\'s hard to think, it\'s hard to make a decision.
All at once, you feel very unworthy. All at once, you feel

00:31:55.000 --> 00:31:59.999
very empty and very sad, a total sadness.

00:32:00.000 --> 00:32:04.999
Two days later, Ardy\'s(ph) lithium
level is higher than it has ever been.

00:32:05.000 --> 00:32:09.999
A week ago, ah, your Hamilton rating scale

00:32:10.000 --> 00:32:14.999
for depression was four. Your
mania rating scale was 41 so you

00:32:15.000 --> 00:32:19.999
had a rather severe mania going on. Uh-hmm.
Have you had any feelings of

00:32:20.000 --> 00:32:24.999
being high - No. - on top of the world?
No. Not in the last few days. Ah,

00:32:25.000 --> 00:32:29.999
have you felt blue, depressed?
No. No. Down in the doubts?

00:32:30.000 --> 00:32:34.999
No. I\'m just tired, just wary,
just very wary. Uh-hmm.

00:32:35.000 --> 00:32:39.999
[sil.]

00:32:40.000 --> 00:32:44.999
Have you had times in the last week,
Ardy, where your energy was increased?

00:32:45.000 --> 00:32:49.999
Oh, yeah. It\'s been ex... it\'s
terrifically increased until last. Not

00:32:50.000 --> 00:32:54.999
before last but I have that inept that since
in that before last. I was little frightened

00:32:55.000 --> 00:32:59.999
that I might to go into the depression.
With the high, we go on up in the, in the

00:33:00.000 --> 00:33:04.999
mountain top, the lower we go in a valley.
It\'s a rule. This is just a, a rule of time.

00:33:05.000 --> 00:33:09.999
We always, always pay for
each high or the low,

00:33:10.000 --> 00:33:14.999
and I\'ve had the high, so naturally it
would only be, ah, I would expect, to

00:33:15.000 --> 00:33:19.999
watch for the low now. We\'re gonna decide
what we\'re gonna do for your birthday.

00:33:20.000 --> 00:33:24.999
What do you want? You want, you know, like...
I think you want to bury me. bearing me.

00:33:25.000 --> 00:33:29.999
Just bury me. No,

00:33:30.000 --> 00:33:34.999
no. You\'re gonna be ready to celebrate. We\'ll make
you a cake. You want Joel(ph) to make you cake?

00:33:35.000 --> 00:33:39.999
Yeah. That\'d be all right. When I
was a teenager and mother was up,

00:33:40.000 --> 00:33:44.999
I was always happy when she was happy and
unhappy when she was unhappy. She got a lot

00:33:45.000 --> 00:33:49.999
of, of influence on my mood. Eat a bread.
That\'ll be good for you. And I\'d

00:33:50.000 --> 00:33:54.999
walk in one day, or one hour I\'d
walk in and she\'d be... she\'d love me

00:33:55.000 --> 00:33:59.999
and the next day I\'d walk in and
she\'d push me away and say, \"I

00:34:00.000 --> 00:34:04.999
hate you.\" And, ah... so, I was
confused a lot. I didn\'t really know.

00:34:05.000 --> 00:34:09.999
I thought it was something I had done, I
felt that it was my fault. When Ardy\'s(ph)

00:34:10.000 --> 00:34:14.999
down she gets into the
very belligerent mood. Ah,

00:34:15.000 --> 00:34:19.999
I try to speak with her and I can used to
tell when she\'s down because she gets the

00:34:20.000 --> 00:34:24.999
phone when I call with her clothes out.
Anything I say that doesn\'t

00:34:25.000 --> 00:34:29.999
distract her or just exactly right, well, she
lashes out at me and tells me I don\'t love her,

00:34:30.000 --> 00:34:34.999
that I should just pack my clothes and
leave. But having live with her for some

00:34:35.000 --> 00:34:39.999
20 odd years where I\'ve gotten used to these
phases and I don\'t pay attention to them.

00:34:40.000 --> 00:34:44.999
I just let her roll out to my shoulders.
Have you feel... ah, been feeling,

00:34:45.000 --> 00:34:49.999
ah, blue or despondent? No. Are you
able to experience pleasure now?

00:34:50.000 --> 00:34:54.999
Uh-hmm. I enjoyed that movie last night with
several of the other people, the inmates.

00:34:55.000 --> 00:34:59.999
Do you feel anxious? No, other
than I just wanted to go home. And

00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.999
I don\'t really feel depressed,
but I\'m sure that happened.

00:35:05.000 --> 00:35:09.999
In Ardy\'s case, this is true that,
ah, if she has a problem that can\'t

00:35:10.000 --> 00:35:14.999
be solved, she fights it through the
nail, and if it can be solved, then

00:35:15.000 --> 00:35:19.999
she seems to have a habit of going about
halfway and then quitting. I\'m hopeful at this

00:35:20.000 --> 00:35:24.999
time she\'ll be okay through the provision. I\'m
ready to come home home, stay home. I\'m tired.

00:35:25.000 --> 00:35:29.999
He\'s been my constant companion. He
know whether had... that my way of the

00:35:30.000 --> 00:35:34.999
hospital. I would let people take their animals
in, like Touché(ph) could have gone with

00:35:35.000 --> 00:35:39.999
me because he\'s so used to be in with me. And
there\'s another girl that does... has a dog

00:35:40.000 --> 00:35:44.999
and I think that would make good sense to me.
But you know, they, they don\'t listen to me.

00:35:45.000 --> 00:35:49.999
They, they don\'t know... I need to tell

00:35:50.000 --> 00:35:54.999
them what to do. When I made the
marriage of vows, I said, \"For better or

00:35:55.000 --> 00:35:59.999
worst.\" You take the better and you take
the worst. That\'s just the way it goes.

00:36:00.000 --> 00:36:08.000
[music] I would venture

00:36:15.000 --> 00:36:19.999
to say that 80 to 90% of the patients I
see with mood disorders are misdiagnosed.

00:36:20.000 --> 00:36:24.999
It is very common for people with
manic-depressive illness or bipolar disorder to

00:36:25.000 --> 00:36:29.999
be misdiagnosed as being schizophrenic.
Patients with mood

00:36:30.000 --> 00:36:34.999
disorders, in particular manic-depressive
illness, ah, very likely will have delusions

00:36:35.000 --> 00:36:39.999
and hallucinations. Depressed patients
often have fixed false beliefs

00:36:40.000 --> 00:36:44.999
or delusions that are
guilty, ah, paranoid or

00:36:45.000 --> 00:36:49.999
religious in content. Ah, it is
often common for people under

00:36:50.000 --> 00:36:54.999
manic to also have delusions of grandeur or

00:36:55.000 --> 00:36:59.999
religious and paranoid delusions as well.
Hallucinations are very common.

00:37:00.000 --> 00:37:04.999
Hallucinations are, ah, aberrant sensory

00:37:05.000 --> 00:37:09.999
experiences by patients that is hearing
voices when they\'re alone. Ah, it is

00:37:10.000 --> 00:37:14.999
very common for depressed or manic
patients to have auditory hallucinations.

00:37:15.000 --> 00:37:19.999
In the depressed phase, there
often, ah, voices that are,

00:37:20.000 --> 00:37:24.999
ah, derogatory and accusatory.
Ah, in mania,

00:37:25.000 --> 00:37:29.999
they often have a positive
character to them.

00:37:30.000 --> 00:37:34.999
[music]

00:37:35.000 --> 00:37:39.999
We\'re here to talk about there\'s a song,
ah, the song go he can make a tree

00:37:40.000 --> 00:37:44.999
and make the leaves turn gold.
He know he never lie

00:37:45.000 --> 00:37:49.999
that you do not have told.
No one make him say it

00:37:50.000 --> 00:37:54.999
cuz either way we live,
you\'ll always say, ah,

00:37:55.000 --> 00:37:59.999
forgive. Bernie Ferguson(ph),

00:38:00.000 --> 00:38:04.999
58 years old, was misdiagnosed
as schizophrenic when he was 19.

00:38:05.000 --> 00:38:09.999
Thirty-two years later, he\'d
learned he was manic-depressive.

00:38:10.000 --> 00:38:14.999
Bernie(ph) and his wife Juanita(ph) work
as house painters in Fort Worth. Ah, met

00:38:15.000 --> 00:38:19.999
Bernie(ph) in post office in San Antonio.

00:38:20.000 --> 00:38:24.999
And my, my impression of
him was that he was very

00:38:25.000 --> 00:38:29.999
nice, very nice, very distinguish
gentleman, I thought.

00:38:30.000 --> 00:38:34.999
The first thing I noticed that
really, really deep impressed me

00:38:35.000 --> 00:38:39.999
was his knowledge of the Bible. I, I
kinda thought he was a little older

00:38:40.000 --> 00:38:44.999
not expect that for him to be sleepin\'
off... sleepin\' me off my feet.

00:38:45.000 --> 00:38:49.999
No, he was courtin\' me he scriptures.
Coming from Nicaragua,

00:38:50.000 --> 00:38:54.999
where mens are mens then womens are
just womens, ah, I guess you might say

00:38:55.000 --> 00:38:59.999
I was ignorant. I thought that all the
mens were like that, like Bernie(ph) was.

00:39:00.000 --> 00:39:04.999
How was Bernie(ph)? Very strange. For

00:39:05.000 --> 00:39:09.999
example, we had a dog that die. He got
us up at 2 o\'clock in the morning

00:39:10.000 --> 00:39:14.999
and we went to bury the dog and
after awhile, what a holy man,

00:39:15.000 --> 00:39:19.999
what a wonderful man to feel
so much for this animal.

00:39:20.000 --> 00:39:24.999
I, I did know that there was
something else with him.

00:39:25.000 --> 00:39:29.999
Bernie(ph) had his first
episode of depression

00:39:30.000 --> 00:39:34.999
as a young soldier just
back from World War II.

00:39:35.000 --> 00:39:39.999
I sleep for approximately two weeks or
so and eat already anything. Even when I

00:39:40.000 --> 00:39:44.999
tried to come out of it, ah, when I\'m doing to
this job, I guess my folks put me in Timberland.

00:39:45.000 --> 00:39:49.999
Sanitarily, ah, my medical doctor here,
he gave me some pills to put me asleep

00:39:50.000 --> 00:39:54.999
and it would take me much in...
And he gave me a lot of... an

00:39:55.000 --> 00:39:59.999
insulin treatment. He gave me
shot of the insulin and, ah, they

00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:04.999
wrap you in sheets not cold sheets,
just wrap you. And you lay

00:40:05.000 --> 00:40:09.999
there until your insulin passed out
and then ah, you just sweat and

00:40:10.000 --> 00:40:14.999
you\'re in a coma, you\'re just sweatin\'.
And, ah, I can\'t remember

00:40:15.000 --> 00:40:19.999
when I would wake up getting from there in
the sweatin\' and it was harder, wondered if

00:40:20.000 --> 00:40:24.999
I wasn\'t hell. And doctor in the
hospital was asking me just exactly

00:40:25.000 --> 00:40:29.999
what was my trouble in. He said, \"Oh,
you got a real series.\" He know it,

00:40:30.000 --> 00:40:34.999
and he has real series but
he never did pinpoint it

00:40:35.000 --> 00:40:39.999
as to what it was such as a manic-depressive
but he couldn\'t, he couldn\'t

00:40:40.000 --> 00:40:44.999
pinpoint it, it seemed like and it seemed like
it was hit... that wa... it was a deep that

00:40:45.000 --> 00:40:49.999
no one can understand it.
So, who was in a bad mood

00:40:50.000 --> 00:40:54.999
today? Ah, I\'ve made him... he
was, he was a little nervous.

00:40:55.000 --> 00:40:59.999
Do you know how it gets?
I know seven or eight.

00:41:00.000 --> 00:41:04.999
And then one day, he
left the church building

00:41:05.000 --> 00:41:09.999
one Sunday night. You know, he said that,
\"Go over there and get a hamburger.\"

00:41:10.000 --> 00:41:14.999
And we went, he park the car
that... at the drive in, he says,

00:41:15.000 --> 00:41:19.999
\"You go and then order the food, I\'ll be
back.\" He took his Bible and started walking

00:41:20.000 --> 00:41:24.999
on 28th street, north of this 28th,

00:41:25.000 --> 00:41:29.999
and he walked and he went into this beer
joint(ph) and started preaching the gospel.

00:41:30.000 --> 00:41:34.999
He was just quoting scripture after scripture after
scripture. He can, you know, quote just like and he

00:41:35.000 --> 00:41:39.999
just kept repeating, repeating, and repeating, and
he couldn\'t hear us, he couldn\'t... he could look

00:41:40.000 --> 00:41:44.999
at us but he could not... we\'d been moving our
mouth and that, that would... that was what it was

00:41:45.000 --> 00:41:49.999
to him. We\'re just been moving our mouth,
he couldn\'t hear us. And the police came

00:41:50.000 --> 00:41:54.999
and they asked me, \"Do you wanna take
him to hospital?\" And I said, \"No.

00:41:55.000 --> 00:41:59.999
I wanted to take him home.\"
And when we got home,

00:42:00.000 --> 00:42:04.999
I call of the brothers, Brother
Mahalfy(ph), for him to come over.

00:42:05.000 --> 00:42:09.999
And Brother Mahalfy(ph) say he
didn\'t know what to do for him,

00:42:10.000 --> 00:42:14.999
that we should take him to the hospital.
He\'s just stared at the

00:42:15.000 --> 00:42:19.999
door and we could see him and he put his hand on
the door and he was like, you know, \"Somebody,

00:42:20.000 --> 00:42:24.999
please me and let me outta here.\" You know,
and didn\'t... and that anything we could

00:42:25.000 --> 00:42:29.999
do. And we just... I remember we
just all sat in the car and just

00:42:30.000 --> 00:42:34.999
cried and cried. You spend a lot of
time in the hospital. I guess so all

00:42:35.000 --> 00:42:39.999
together how many years? Hmm, probably, 10.

00:42:40.000 --> 00:42:44.999
How did you feel about the
years in those hospitals?

00:42:45.000 --> 00:42:49.999
Gettin\' lost, basically, since I found

00:42:50.000 --> 00:42:54.999
this manic-depressive society
over here and I felt worst.

00:42:55.000 --> 00:42:59.999
Ah, ah, it seem like all the
time, we just, hmm, basically,

00:43:00.000 --> 00:43:04.999
I waste it. They, they were trying to
do what they thought was good but, ah,

00:43:05.000 --> 00:43:09.999
I didn\'t really know. I
seemed like in, ah...

00:43:10.000 --> 00:43:14.999
I just feel like it\'s last year.

00:43:15.000 --> 00:43:19.999
You\'re angry at them? No.

00:43:20.000 --> 00:43:24.999
They didn\'t know what they were doing.
I can\'t be mad at those

00:43:25.000 --> 00:43:29.999
things they\'re doing good
but they don\'t really know.

00:43:30.000 --> 00:43:38.000
[music]

00:43:55.000 --> 00:43:59.999
Good to see you. I thought,
you was never gonna get here.

00:44:00.000 --> 00:44:04.999
After a four weeks stay, Ardy(ph)
was released from the hospital.

00:44:05.000 --> 00:44:09.999
I love this really, really, really.
Oh, wait! Oh,

00:44:10.000 --> 00:44:14.999
oh, goodness gracious. Oh, goodness
gracious. Where is my baby? My

00:44:15.000 --> 00:44:19.999
goodness gracious. Oh, well.

00:44:20.000 --> 00:44:24.999
Okay.

00:44:25.000 --> 00:44:33.000
[music]

00:44:40.000 --> 00:44:44.999
Hello.

00:44:45.000 --> 00:44:49.999
Well, Oxford(ph) chapter was
started 1983 and it put a little

00:44:50.000 --> 00:44:54.999
notice in the paper, there would be a
manic-depressive meeting. I\'m sure enough, 83 people

00:44:55.000 --> 00:44:59.999
showed up. It was at this time that I found that there,
there were other manic-depressives in Texas other than

00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:04.999
myself. And for the first in the their lives,
many of them, in fact most of them, find

00:45:05.000 --> 00:45:09.999
somebody that really understands them and feels
like they do. And so I hate this depression

00:45:10.000 --> 00:45:14.999
and I mean, ah, depressed to the point to get
out of bed, to take a bath, to comb your hair.

00:45:15.000 --> 00:45:19.999
I mean, nobody understands it. They think
you\'re crazy. You talk about feeling lower

00:45:20.000 --> 00:45:24.999
than a snake\'s belly. They\'re already
had one disease that makes you feel

00:45:25.000 --> 00:45:29.999
low and this was epilepsy. And
then now, to get settled with

00:45:30.000 --> 00:45:34.999
omental disease. Like to go... I mean,
crazy until they finally got around to

00:45:35.000 --> 00:45:39.999
telling me it\'s one that we can treat
and take care of. Well, they gave

00:45:40.000 --> 00:45:44.999
me a whole load of medicine. Not always
to work and not always to agreed with me.

00:45:45.000 --> 00:45:49.999
And it took a three
psychiatrist later to perform,

00:45:50.000 --> 00:45:54.999
I\'m saying, \"Uh-uh. You\'re not schizophrenic
Jack(ph). You\'re a manic-depressive.\"

00:45:55.000 --> 00:45:59.999
I would go into sort of a depression. I
was wondering, \"What\'s that mean to me?

00:46:00.000 --> 00:46:04.999
It last for about a month. I didn\'t wanna
cook, I didn\'t wanna clean, I didn\'t wanna

00:46:05.000 --> 00:46:09.999
do anything. I didn\'t wanna work, I didn\'t
wanna get out of bed. And then, it pass all

00:46:10.000 --> 00:46:14.999
over me. Then the next year, the same time
again. Don\'t most of you feel that it was

00:46:15.000 --> 00:46:19.999
a relief when you got the diagnosis? That you were a -
Yeah. - manic-depressive? That you could take lithium.

00:46:20.000 --> 00:46:24.999
That you finally, after all the searching and this
anguish and this hell that you\'d lived in, and all the

00:46:25.000 --> 00:46:29.999
suspicious looks and, and acts and the anger,
a well as violence. I get actually violent at

00:46:30.000 --> 00:46:34.999
times because I was so angry and not knowing - Well,
you still do. - what in the hell was wrong with me?

00:46:35.000 --> 00:46:39.999
Hey, me. You know, it just, it just anger.
I can\'t help it, it really

00:46:40.000 --> 00:46:44.999
angers me that I had to go through all
those years of being misdiagnosed.

00:46:45.000 --> 00:46:49.999
I was so glad to find all the people that
kinda help and told like I was sometimes

00:46:50.000 --> 00:46:54.999
doing. That\'s good one.

00:46:55.000 --> 00:46:59.999
You know, it sad feeling, feeling alone you know,
when you... when you\'re by yourself, that\'s right.

00:47:00.000 --> 00:47:04.999
You know, I\'ve got five children.
And they were times

00:47:05.000 --> 00:47:09.999
when I stayed in bed for solid
month, a solid month that I\'d be in

00:47:10.000 --> 00:47:14.999
bed, only getting up to go
to the bathroom and to get

00:47:15.000 --> 00:47:19.999
myself something to eat. I couldn\'t even fix their meals.
I couldn\'t fix their dinner, I couldn\'t wash their

00:47:20.000 --> 00:47:24.999
clothes. I couldn\'t even take care of me. How
on God\'s creation could I take care of those

00:47:25.000 --> 00:47:29.999
kids? I didn\'t... I hate to say this, but I
didn\'t take care of those kids. I couldn\'t do it.

00:47:30.000 --> 00:47:34.999
I lost my son to my husband

00:47:35.000 --> 00:47:39.999
because I could not be the kind of parent. I didn\'t know
what was wrong with me. There was something terribly

00:47:40.000 --> 00:47:44.999
wrong with me and I saw myself abusing him.

00:47:45.000 --> 00:47:49.999
And, ah, so for his own good,

00:47:50.000 --> 00:47:54.999
I gave the custody of my son to his father.

00:47:55.000 --> 00:47:59.999
And that has been the biggest
thing, the cause I\'ve

00:48:00.000 --> 00:48:04.999
had to bear in my life, caused by the
illness. As he has gotten older, I\'d been

00:48:05.000 --> 00:48:09.999
able to sat down and explain to
him some of my behaviors and, ah,

00:48:10.000 --> 00:48:14.999
about everything. I\'ve tried to tell him,
\"Please just know that I love you. You know

00:48:15.000 --> 00:48:19.999
I might be arriving maniac at times but you\'re
the only thing I\'ve got in this life.\" And

00:48:20.000 --> 00:48:24.999
he is the only thing that has
kept me going. I\'ve lost two

00:48:25.000 --> 00:48:29.999
children. When they were a
four and six years old,

00:48:30.000 --> 00:48:34.999
their mother took them and
forbid me to see them. I

00:48:35.000 --> 00:48:39.999
got a court order. I could not get any of the place
of business or a place to where they live recently

00:48:40.000 --> 00:48:44.999
and I lost all of the years going up.
It\'s no

00:48:45.000 --> 00:48:49.999
wonder that we have low self-esteem. I say... often
tell people that I have the self-esteem of an

00:48:50.000 --> 00:48:54.999
earthworm and that... that\'s true and even
now that I know what I know and, and

00:48:55.000 --> 00:48:59.999
I know that the... all the barriers that had
been erected by society. I often say the

00:49:00.000 --> 00:49:04.999
misconceptions of society and the straight
jackets of misconceptions that are

00:49:05.000 --> 00:49:09.999
against us. We\'ve had got to remove.

00:49:10.000 --> 00:49:14.999
We\'re going to eliminate a lot
of the pain and the anguish that

00:49:15.000 --> 00:49:19.999
Bernie(ph) and I and so many of us, we older
people, the 25 or 30 years ago have gone

00:49:20.000 --> 00:49:24.999
through. And as the newer people come along
and they get diagnosis early, they wont lose

00:49:25.000 --> 00:49:29.999
parts of their life and so much
of their life like we have.

00:49:30.000 --> 00:49:38.000
[music]

00:49:40.000 --> 00:49:44.999
Five months have passed since Dr.
Fulton recommended

00:49:45.000 --> 00:49:49.999
ECT to Joan Pasens(ph). I don\'t
feel I am in control because I

00:49:50.000 --> 00:49:54.999
continued to experience the mood swings,
you know, in, in a rapid cycle.

00:49:55.000 --> 00:49:59.999
[music]

00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.999
I\'m still floundering
around trying to figure out

00:50:05.000 --> 00:50:09.999
what to do and I don\'t believe that ECT

00:50:10.000 --> 00:50:14.999
is the answer.

00:50:15.000 --> 00:50:19.999
Am I hopeful?

00:50:20.000 --> 00:50:24.999
Yes, but I... uhm, it took
me too long to say that.

00:50:25.000 --> 00:50:29.999
So, I\'m not convinced of it. Uhm,

00:50:30.000 --> 00:50:34.999
I need to be helpful or, or I\'ll be
sitting in the corner facing the

00:50:35.000 --> 00:50:39.999
corner somewhere.

00:50:40.000 --> 00:50:44.999
Five months ago, Jim Springer(ph) went

00:50:45.000 --> 00:50:49.999
into the hospital for
11 ECT treatments. In a

00:50:50.000 --> 00:50:54.999
month, Jim will return for
an additional 12. When I

00:50:55.000 --> 00:50:59.999
get out the hospital, I started painting.
I wanna do experiment a little bit to

00:51:00.000 --> 00:51:04.999
see if my painting had
changed cuz I knew I am.

00:51:05.000 --> 00:51:09.999
I\'ve always wanna be a professional artist and now, for
the first time in my life, I\'m able to pursue that

00:51:10.000 --> 00:51:14.999
because of ah, other factor that depression
has got me. ECT has taken away all that. I\'m

00:51:15.000 --> 00:51:19.999
able to paint like I\'ve never been able to paint before and
I have an energy level like I\'d never had before either.

00:51:20.000 --> 00:51:24.999
In a lot of ways, I guess, I describe
it as walking inside someone else\'s

00:51:25.000 --> 00:51:29.999
body and looking through their eyes because it\'s
all new. It\'s all different. A lot of things

00:51:30.000 --> 00:51:34.999
have had to be done in order to find the
answer to this. Ah, his parents are really

00:51:35.000 --> 00:51:39.999
picking up the bulk of his hospitalization but we
are moving out to this house which we love and

00:51:40.000 --> 00:51:44.999
took a lot of time and care fixing.
Uhm, I\'m going to move

00:51:45.000 --> 00:51:49.999
into an apartment while Jim is in the hospital,
and work on and take at least some place else

00:51:50.000 --> 00:51:54.999
to conserve all the money that we can.
The antiques that we have will be

00:51:55.000 --> 00:51:59.999
sold. I\'m getting a second job.
We are doing it

00:52:00.000 --> 00:52:04.999
everything possible to give Jim
this chance that he has to have.

00:52:05.000 --> 00:52:09.999
And I know first hand what it\'s like to have the
medication reactions, to have the doubts, to

00:52:10.000 --> 00:52:14.999
be up one day and down the next day. So, I want you to
call me at anytime that you have a particular problem.

00:52:15.000 --> 00:52:19.999
My home phone numbers on it, the association numbers
on it. And your... I know you\'re gonna be better,

00:52:20.000 --> 00:52:24.999
you\'re gonna be stabilize. It\'s hell to
be down, it\'s hell to be up. You wanna be

00:52:25.000 --> 00:52:29.999
right on the level line and that\'s one of the
things that our association does for you.

00:52:30.000 --> 00:52:34.999
Well, I\'m on my way. See you.

00:52:35.000 --> 00:52:39.999
Here we go. It\'s wonderful to be
stabilized. Be able to go back your

00:52:40.000 --> 00:52:44.999
daily business and your life. You
really couldn\'t ask for more.

00:52:45.000 --> 00:52:49.999
I don\'t know how long it will take... how
long it would take for one to believe

00:52:50.000 --> 00:52:54.999
that after 50 years or 60 years,
your entire life tired of being

00:52:55.000 --> 00:52:59.999
up and down and never in control and never knowing
what\'s gonna happen that your life really could

00:53:00.000 --> 00:53:04.999
level out and that you could live on your normal
life. It took me three trips to the hospital

00:53:05.000 --> 00:53:09.999
because I\'d get up and I\'d be feeling
better like you. And I think I don\'t need

00:53:10.000 --> 00:53:14.999
this. You know, I, I think the
denial is probably the hardest part

00:53:15.000 --> 00:53:19.999
about our disorder that we denied and it...
When we accept it and accept that we are a

00:53:20.000 --> 00:53:24.999
manic-depressive, that we\'ll always be a
manic-depressive, then we can accept the treatment.

00:53:25.000 --> 00:53:29.999
We all have walked in your shoes... Often,
when you\'re in depression, you wondered,

00:53:30.000 --> 00:53:34.999
\"Why can\'t I be like everybody else? Oh my
God, why me? Why did I have this?\" The way

00:53:35.000 --> 00:53:39.999
that you have, each of you work so diligently
to strengthen our chapter here in Fort Worth.

00:53:40.000 --> 00:53:44.999
Perhaps, it was a blessing. Because of it,
I have met so many wonderful people that I

00:53:45.000 --> 00:53:49.999
probably never would have bothered with otherwise.
And I\'d been normal, had taken trips and lived

00:53:50.000 --> 00:53:54.999
my life the way I wanted to.
Because of the genetics I,

00:53:55.000 --> 00:53:59.999
I have had and the process I have had to bear with my
life, so to speak, I like to think of them as being

00:54:00.000 --> 00:54:04.999
perhaps making me stronger and
making me a better person, giving

00:54:05.000 --> 00:54:09.999
me an endurance that I would not have
had otherwise. And mean... people

00:54:10.000 --> 00:54:14.999
meaning more to me and life meaning
more to me. And certainly, I can enjoy

00:54:15.000 --> 00:54:19.999
the, the sweet of life because
I\'ve certainly tasted the bitter.

00:54:20.000 --> 00:54:28.000
[music]