00:00:07.029 --> 00:00:10.110
I’ve spent a lot time trying to get this.

00:00:10.110 --> 00:00:13.090
Irrefutable acceptance of my blackness.

00:00:13.090 --> 00:00:14.520
But other people challenge me.

00:00:14.520 --> 00:00:16.610
Not cuz of my ancestry.

00:00:16.610 --> 00:00:20.039
But cuz I break too many rules,

00:00:20.039 --> 00:00:22.340
Black by-laws

00:00:22.340 --> 00:00:23.960
23.

00:00:24.640 --> 00:00:27.460
You must like fried chicken and hot sauce.

00:00:27.460 --> 00:00:30.580
It’s cool guys, I still
like watermelon!

00:00:30.970 --> 00:00:32.610
81.

00:00:32.950 --> 00:00:34.980
Quit talking white, girl!

00:00:34.980 --> 00:00:35.980
12.

00:00:35.980 --> 00:00:39.370
You may not go to a ski lodge.

00:00:39.370 --> 00:00:43.129
Black people don’t ski, Kristy, I can’t
do this!

00:00:43.129 --> 00:00:44.480
That's stupid!

00:00:44.480 --> 00:00:46.899
You're here and you're skiing aren't you?

00:00:46.899 --> 00:00:47.899
Yeah

00:00:47.899 --> 00:00:50.559
So they do, Shut up and go down the hill!

00:00:50.559 --> 00:00:51.559
Okay.

00:00:53.780 --> 00:00:55.240
[Choir singing] Jesus!

00:00:55.400 --> 00:00:57.480
Let the blessings of the Lord be upon you.

00:00:58.080 --> 00:00:59.340
Do you hear me?

00:00:59.560 --> 00:01:00.400
Um...

00:01:00.580 --> 00:01:02.180
I’m investigating Buddhism.

00:01:03.220 --> 00:01:06.240
And it's not just me looking for acceptance.

00:01:06.250 --> 00:01:07.850
My family too

00:01:08.290 --> 00:01:14.009
I think now, maybe I feel more comfortable
with white people,

00:01:14.009 --> 00:01:15.009
But..

00:01:15.009 --> 00:01:19.330
I have guilt about that, I feel bad about
it.

00:01:19.330 --> 00:01:20.790
There you go.

00:01:20.790 --> 00:01:24.990
I can still hear... (laughs) I can!

00:01:25.300 --> 00:01:28.860
I didn’t live up to my mother’s expectations
either.

00:01:28.860 --> 00:01:33.280
I wanted to make sure that you understood
what the black culture

00:01:33.280 --> 00:01:34.280
brought into the world.

00:01:34.280 --> 00:01:38.939
I told you that my first tape was the Beach
Boys that my dad had given me.

00:01:39.060 --> 00:01:39.940
Hmm

00:01:40.200 --> 00:01:42.420
And you said well you’re dad’s different.

00:01:42.430 --> 00:01:47.509
T.v. was a big thing then and all the tv shows,
cowboys and Westerns were big then

00:01:47.509 --> 00:01:49.729
Indians were the bad guys.

00:01:50.040 --> 00:01:53.460
And I didn’t wanna, I didn’t wanna identify
with that.

00:01:53.460 --> 00:01:58.240
I remember one time, I came home and you know

00:01:58.240 --> 00:02:00.039
how you scratch your skin and it turns light?

00:02:00.039 --> 00:02:02.359
So I just started scratching my arms,

00:02:02.600 --> 00:02:05.140
trying
to turn light, to be just like the others.

00:02:05.320 --> 00:02:09.320
It’s like having an oddity about you.

00:02:09.820 --> 00:02:13.040
A handicap or something about
you.

00:02:16.040 --> 00:02:17.000
Wait, what?

00:02:17.280 --> 00:02:18.620
I'm an inner city youth?

00:02:18.629 --> 00:02:19.629
Oh...

00:02:20.180 --> 00:02:24.060
At my old school, we had two white kids.

00:02:24.060 --> 00:02:25.060
They were brother and sister.

00:02:25.060 --> 00:02:30.040
At my new school, there's only four
black girls in my grade.

00:02:30.040 --> 00:02:31.870
Soon, everyone knows everybody’s name.

00:02:31.870 --> 00:02:34.510
We have a class of 85.

00:02:36.090 --> 00:02:40.560
I never forget I'm black, but sometimes,
they'd find ways to make it more obvious

00:02:42.380 --> 00:02:43.860
Step forward.

00:02:44.100 --> 00:02:48.100
No, Eric, you stand next to Earl.

00:02:48.370 --> 00:02:49.370
Okay.

00:02:49.370 --> 00:02:51.670
Carrie, stand to the left.

00:02:52.051 --> 00:02:55.610
The drama teacher lines us up to see if we
look like a family.

00:02:55.610 --> 00:02:59.550
Like it's believable to have this redhead
play my mom.

00:02:59.550 --> 00:03:04.060
I won’t say this determined our entire castings,
but...

00:03:04.060 --> 00:03:05.799
My roles in drama:

00:03:06.080 --> 00:03:07.720
Maid, slave,

00:03:08.110 --> 00:03:10.230
mixed girl suffering from self-image problems

00:03:11.340 --> 00:03:15.959
Alright, the Oreo monologue doesn’t work
with Becky as the star.

00:03:15.959 --> 00:03:20.020
Oreo: a black person made of white goo

00:03:20.020 --> 00:03:24.439
Becky: name for random white girl, late 20th
century

00:03:25.300 --> 00:03:28.640
..but I knew most parts were beyond reach.

00:03:29.360 --> 00:03:31.160
I knew it, now I got proof!

00:03:31.160 --> 00:03:33.380
What are you talking about?

00:03:33.560 --> 00:03:36.120
Your feet are so pale, they’re paler than
Jamie’s.

00:03:36.360 --> 00:03:36.920
And she’s a redhead!

00:03:37.420 --> 00:03:37.920
So?

00:03:37.930 --> 00:03:39.750
So, you’re not black!

00:03:39.920 --> 00:03:41.200
You’re just a white person who got a tan
and

00:03:41.200 --> 00:03:43.600
forgot to take her shoes off.

00:03:44.000 --> 00:03:48.269
Jamekia always teases me, but today I can’t
take it.

00:03:48.269 --> 00:03:50.890
I got problems.

00:03:50.890 --> 00:03:52.770
I have a whole alter ego.

00:03:52.770 --> 00:03:54.379
He’s white.

00:03:54.379 --> 00:03:56.799
Or maybe she.

00:03:56.799 --> 00:04:01.379
Not sure of my fantasy gender yet,
but I know what shoes they’d wear.

00:04:02.150 --> 00:04:04.590
The new black guy, star of the basketball
team,

00:04:04.590 --> 00:04:05.880
asks me to Homecoming.

00:04:05.880 --> 00:04:10.829
He’d approached almost every black girl
before making his way down to me.

00:04:10.829 --> 00:04:13.790
At the dance, he got along really well with
his ex.

00:04:13.790 --> 00:04:16.130
Then he started dating white girls.

00:04:16.130 --> 00:04:19.489
[Black is Beautiful]

00:04:19.489 --> 00:04:23.360
You’d be pretty if you weren’t black

00:04:23.360 --> 00:04:26.920
Sticks and stones, right?

00:04:29.720 --> 00:04:31.920
I take on a darker outlook.

00:04:31.930 --> 00:04:35.440
All black,
all the time, down to the fingernails.

00:04:35.440 --> 00:04:39.980
Why be sad when being melancholy is much more
poetic?

00:04:41.460 --> 00:04:44.320
Which earns me zero points with the Black
Table.

00:04:44.500 --> 00:04:45.860
The majority of the white kids sit together.

00:04:45.870 --> 00:04:48.120
The majority of the black kids sit together.

00:04:48.120 --> 00:04:51.050
Asian and Latinos... not so many.

00:04:52.320 --> 00:04:53.000
I don’t sit there.

00:04:53.000 --> 00:04:57.960
My two best friends, black
and Latina don’t sit there. Usually

00:05:03.220 --> 00:05:06.580
So it’s decided, I’m not black enuf.

00:05:06.590 --> 00:05:09.430
When I was in 6th grade was the first time
there was a kid at my

00:05:09.430 --> 00:05:10.729
school who was like

00:05:10.729 --> 00:05:12.030
'Oh, you act like you’re white.

00:05:12.030 --> 00:05:14.979
Or you talk like you’re white.'

00:05:14.979 --> 00:05:19.079
And he was mixed actually, I remember who
it was.

00:05:19.200 --> 00:05:21.600
But I remember him saying that.

00:05:21.760 --> 00:05:23.600
Oh, Miss Anne.

00:05:23.610 --> 00:05:25.050
Yes, he called me Miss Anne.

00:05:25.050 --> 00:05:26.530
What does that mean?

00:05:26.530 --> 00:05:28.240
He thought I acted white.

00:05:28.740 --> 00:05:30.020
Yeah, so.

00:05:30.740 --> 00:05:32.580
It was one of my supervisors.

00:05:32.720 --> 00:05:34.660
He said it in a joking way.

00:05:34.670 --> 00:05:36.160
But

00:05:36.160 --> 00:05:39.320
he said my demeanor was different.

00:05:39.880 --> 00:05:42.260
Was that a term that you’d heard before?

00:05:42.270 --> 00:05:43.669
Oh yeah, Miss Anne.

00:05:43.669 --> 00:05:48.260
That’s the phraseology used a lot,

00:05:48.260 --> 00:05:50.310
historically, to talk about white women.

00:05:50.310 --> 00:05:51.840
She’s Ms. Anne.

00:05:51.840 --> 00:05:53.910
Black women were Sapphire.

00:05:53.910 --> 00:05:58.580
If only there were an undeniable black authority
that sounded more like me.

00:05:58.580 --> 00:06:01.740
The Black Panther Party for self-defense is
organized now throughout

00:06:01.740 --> 00:06:02.740
the nation.

00:06:02.740 --> 00:06:06.520
We are recognized internationally, and we
advocate that all black

00:06:06.520 --> 00:06:07.520
people in America

00:06:07.520 --> 00:06:11.260
are taught what politics is all about and
what our history is all about

00:06:11.520 --> 00:06:14.960
so that we can have self-identity and we will
know where our strength

00:06:14.960 --> 00:06:16.440
is and we will know our enemies

00:06:16.440 --> 00:06:17.440
and we will know our friends.

00:06:17.440 --> 00:06:20.070
Why do you dress like that?

00:06:20.070 --> 00:06:21.560
I love the Salvation Army.

00:06:21.560 --> 00:06:24.210
You don’t have the new Warren G album?!

00:06:24.210 --> 00:06:28.319
Ah...I have The Cure’s new album!

00:06:28.319 --> 00:06:32.069
But not enough points for a black card.

00:06:33.300 --> 00:06:35.680
I don’t make the cut.

00:06:36.660 --> 00:06:42.140
I wear a lot of long sleeves and turtlenecks
cuz of my new hobby.

00:06:42.150 --> 00:06:46.570
Yet another thing that black people don’t
do.

00:06:47.449 --> 00:06:48.869
hurray

00:06:49.210 --> 00:06:52.840
Big college party, hundreds of people there.

00:06:52.840 --> 00:06:55.520
At least in and out over the course of hours.

00:06:55.520 --> 00:06:58.490
You know, there's probably 30 in the house,
if not more,

00:06:58.490 --> 00:07:01.509
and a bunch in the back yard and a keg.

00:07:01.509 --> 00:07:04.220
And all this type of stuff, you know.

00:07:04.220 --> 00:07:07.210
And I start to go in the house.

00:07:08.240 --> 00:07:11.000
And, you know, people are just going
in and out.

00:07:11.000 --> 00:07:12.220
Filtering in and out.

00:07:12.220 --> 00:07:15.500
And some guy stops me at the door and is like,
’Hey, where ya going?’

00:07:15.660 --> 00:07:16.860
And I’m like, going inside.

00:07:16.980 --> 00:07:18.020
’What for?’

00:07:18.180 --> 00:07:20.760
I wanna throw this cup away,
you know, my cup was empty.

00:07:20.960 --> 00:07:23.200
And he’s like, ’Oh, you could just throw
it in the lawn out here.’

00:07:24.040 --> 00:07:27.780
And I’m like, ’Why wouldn’t I just throw
it in the trash in there?’

00:07:27.790 --> 00:07:28.790
You know!

00:07:28.790 --> 00:07:31.699
And, I, then I just broke and was like,
’Oh, I’m friends with Mike.’ and I'm

00:07:31.699 --> 00:07:32.699
friends with so-and-so.

00:07:32.699 --> 00:07:34.610
And he’s like ’Oh, Okay, you can come
inside.’

00:07:34.940 --> 00:07:37.440
And I’m thinking why are you stopping me
and

00:07:37.440 --> 00:07:40.580
I see hundreds of people going in and out. You know.

00:07:41.320 --> 00:07:44.260
So that was a little bit, well, that was more
than a little bit

00:07:44.270 --> 00:07:46.251
frustrating at the time.

00:07:46.251 --> 00:07:48.271
Yeah, it was upsetting.

00:07:48.640 --> 00:07:53.520
I was the only person in, black person, in
this Spanish class,

00:07:53.720 --> 00:07:56.440
we had a discussion, and it was a discussion
about

00:07:56.449 --> 00:07:58.639
public schools versus private school,

00:07:58.639 --> 00:08:03.030
which of course, turned into white kids versus
black kids.

00:08:04.060 --> 00:08:06.259
And I started to speak up and started to say,
I don't feel like

00:08:06.259 --> 00:08:10.610
you know, ’I don’t feel like black kids
are not capable as capable as

00:08:10.610 --> 00:08:12.440
white kids or whatever,

00:08:12.440 --> 00:08:15.509
and one of the people in the class, said,

00:08:15.509 --> 00:08:20.479
’I need to shut my mouth because all black
people were, were monkeys

00:08:20.479 --> 00:08:23.119
with pubic hair growing off the top of their
head’

00:08:23.460 --> 00:08:28.300
7th grade: Introduction to racism, and...

00:08:28.300 --> 00:08:33.240
I went off, I don’t remember what I said,
but I know I started yelling.

00:08:33.479 --> 00:08:34.479
I got put out of the classroom.

00:08:34.480 --> 00:08:35.479
[PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE]

00:08:35.479 --> 00:08:36.479
While I was in his office.

00:08:36.479 --> 00:08:39.870
’I understand why you were so upset, but
you can’t do that.

00:08:39.870 --> 00:08:44.530
I’m gonna have to tell you in advance,
I’m going to be giving you detention,

00:08:44.700 --> 00:08:49.180
but this person’s parents donate a lot of
money to the school,

00:08:49.190 --> 00:08:52.140
and so you may not see anything happen to
them.’

00:08:52.140 --> 00:08:58.720
So in one day, I got Racism 101 and Classism
101,

00:08:58.940 --> 00:09:03.180
and this my first time ever having to experience
any of this.

00:09:03.190 --> 00:09:05.070
And I was mad.

00:09:05.260 --> 00:09:08.620
And that anger stayed with me.

00:09:12.120 --> 00:09:15.280
Sometimes, when people meet me, they think
they’ve gained entrance

00:09:15.290 --> 00:09:16.650
into a mythical place.

00:09:17.620 --> 00:09:20.500
Marvel at the two strand twist octopus.

00:09:20.500 --> 00:09:22.090
How fluid and graceful.

00:09:22.090 --> 00:09:24.880
It just stays in place without unraveling.

00:09:24.880 --> 00:09:29.890
You do not have to travel to Jamaica to see
these glorious locks.

00:09:29.890 --> 00:09:34.600
The hair groups together after pruning and
twisting to form a strong bond.

00:09:34.600 --> 00:09:39.330
And finally, we have the gravity defying natural
curls of this black beauty.

00:09:39.330 --> 00:09:46.230
But remember, let’s not turn Mother nature
into a spectacle with your curious fingers.

00:09:50.940 --> 00:09:53.400
It’s time for a little family history.

00:09:53.400 --> 00:09:56.780
We can only go as far back as Amy, my great
grandmother, can recall.

00:09:56.780 --> 00:10:00.750
Lucky for us, she wrote her own autobiography.

00:10:00.750 --> 00:10:03.140
It gets weird

00:10:03.140 --> 00:10:05.410
In the beginning, there’s a mother, a mulatto.

00:10:05.410 --> 00:10:06.740
[Mulatto= 1/2 white, 1/2 black]

00:10:06.740 --> 00:10:12.390
We don’t know her name, but her slave master
takes more than a liking to her.

00:10:12.390 --> 00:10:15.320
Consequently, Catherine is born.

00:10:15.320 --> 00:10:20.000
The Master fathers Catherine’s first child,
then gives her freedom.

00:10:20.000 --> 00:10:22.280
Catherine marries John Dorsey, an escaped
slave.

00:10:22.280 --> 00:10:26.100
They hook up with the Underground Railroad.

00:10:26.100 --> 00:10:29.400
Their children give birth to Amy, my great
grandmother.

00:10:29.400 --> 00:10:33.920
Amy didn’t notice racial differences at
first, then one day...

00:10:35.020 --> 00:10:38.000
A whole new revelation opened before me.

00:10:38.300 --> 00:10:42.000
I had never before realized my father was

00:10:42.000 --> 00:10:44.910
different than other man.

00:10:44.910 --> 00:10:48.360
Now, I was anxious to go home and see for
myself

00:10:48.360 --> 00:10:50.400
and when I arrived there,

00:10:50.400 --> 00:10:54.390
the first thing I did was look.

00:10:54.390 --> 00:11:00.260
And sure enough, I really had a Brown Daddy.

00:11:00.260 --> 00:11:03.140
I felt as though a veil had been pulled from
my eyes.

00:11:03.140 --> 00:11:08.650
For the first time, I saw my brown daddy and
my own brown hands.

00:11:08.650 --> 00:11:13.260
I was thrilled with important pride
because I had a Brown Daddy

00:11:13.260 --> 00:11:16.950
and I wanted to stare at him to my heart’s
content.

00:11:16.950 --> 00:11:21.880
But I knew better than to be so impolite,
so I hid behind the door and looked through

00:11:21.880 --> 00:11:22.880
the crack

00:11:22.880 --> 00:11:26.550
at my wonderful brown daddy.

00:11:26.550 --> 00:11:29.960
Then I felt sorry for the children with whom
I played because none of

00:11:29.960 --> 00:11:33.150
them had brown fathers like mine.

00:11:33.150 --> 00:11:36.980
Then I compared my hands with Mother’s and two of my sister’s.

00:11:36.980 --> 00:11:42.440
I found that mine were pretty tan like my
brothers and other sisters.

00:11:42.440 --> 00:11:47.330
This is how I realized that we were different
from all the other

00:11:47.330 --> 00:11:48.830
people I knew.

00:11:48.830 --> 00:11:52.521
Amy gives birth to her children and lives...

00:11:52.521 --> 00:11:53.521
...among colored people

00:11:53.521 --> 00:11:57.010
Amy’s daughter marries my grandpa,
a light skinned fellow who could pass for

00:11:57.010 --> 00:11:58.730
white.

00:11:58.730 --> 00:12:03.300
Some of his relatives don't enjoy being ’colored’

00:12:03.300 --> 00:12:04.780
and decide to succeed the race.

00:12:04.780 --> 00:12:07.150
[How to become white?]

00:12:07.150 --> 00:12:12.180
Step 1 Looks: fair skin, a narrow nose

00:12:12.440 --> 00:12:15.240
2. Move to a distant place where you have no family

00:12:16.250 --> 00:12:21.230
3. Slip in an extra vowel, Viola, you’re passing.

00:12:21.230 --> 00:12:24.920
They just flew away and never talked to our
side of the family again.

00:12:24.920 --> 00:12:28.360
Grandpa Hawks stays black, most of the time.

00:12:28.360 --> 00:12:33.620
He passed for white when he bought the farm,
out in the country.

00:12:33.880 --> 00:12:37.660
That was the only way he'd have a chance of getting
a farm.

00:12:37.670 --> 00:12:44.950
Once they realized that he was, that his family
was black,

00:12:44.950 --> 00:12:47.810
They disowned him so to speak.

00:12:48.000 --> 00:12:50.680
They wouldn’t speak to him.

00:12:51.000 --> 00:12:52.580
[Moving On]

00:12:59.230 --> 00:13:02.290
Girls act funny up there..

00:13:02.290 --> 00:13:04.480
Grandpa warns me.

00:13:04.480 --> 00:13:06.270
I was counting on it!

00:13:06.270 --> 00:13:10.630
At the black students mixer, not a lot of
queers, at the queer

00:13:10.630 --> 00:13:12.930
students mixer, not a lot of black girls.

00:13:12.930 --> 00:13:16.320
But I meet my best friend, Anastasiya.

00:13:16.320 --> 00:13:19.510
She emigrated from Russia, like many Jews
had.

00:13:19.510 --> 00:13:23.260
I invite her to sit with the black girls and
she brings me to sit with the Russian group.

00:13:23.260 --> 00:13:24.760
English! English!

00:13:25.040 --> 00:13:27.240
She stresses when I got lost.

00:13:27.240 --> 00:13:28.640
We’re inseparable.

00:13:28.640 --> 00:13:33.690
The student activities director
thinks we’re dating, maybe even her father...

00:13:33.690 --> 00:13:36.810
I thought you said Carrie was a girl!

00:13:36.810 --> 00:13:38.490
She IS a girl, dad!

00:13:38.490 --> 00:13:40.830
I write poetry about her

00:13:41.300 --> 00:13:44.220
’And the freckles on your thigh get sunlight’

00:13:44.230 --> 00:13:45.230
My roommates...

00:13:45.230 --> 00:13:47.170
Oh my gosh, I love Jars of Clay!

00:13:47.170 --> 00:13:48.170
Me too!

00:13:48.170 --> 00:13:49.170
I have a poster.

00:13:49.170 --> 00:13:50.170
So do I!

00:13:50.170 --> 00:13:51.460
Let’s put them both up!

00:13:51.460 --> 00:13:53.040
Opposite sides of the room.

00:13:53.040 --> 00:13:58.020
[Antichrist superstar]
Carrie, I swear you kiss that poster every morning

00:13:58.330 --> 00:13:59.330
I see you.

00:13:59.330 --> 00:14:02.120
So, you see they needed me, my freshman year
roommates.

00:14:02.120 --> 00:14:06.060
We shared the triple on the substance free
floor.

00:14:06.060 --> 00:14:08.810
One is a confident white girl who loves the
Rent soundtrack so much,

00:14:08.810 --> 00:14:12.200
she puts it on repeat for hours.

00:14:12.200 --> 00:14:13.660
The other roommate:

00:14:13.660 --> 00:14:17.670
I went to the Christian Club meeting and
everyone else was Korean too!

00:14:17.670 --> 00:14:21.810
We ate meals together, joke around, then one
night,

00:14:21.810 --> 00:14:23.570
we go to diversity training.

00:14:25.620 --> 00:14:29.000
If you’re part of a group, stand up and
we’ll cheer

00:14:29.000 --> 00:14:30.000
Muslim-American.

00:14:30.500 --> 00:14:31.300
Jewish.

00:14:32.380 --> 00:14:33.460
Bisexual

00:14:35.040 --> 00:14:39.660
And overnight, half the floor stopped speaking
to me.

00:14:39.660 --> 00:14:43.450
My Christian roommate jumps if I come close
to her.

00:14:43.450 --> 00:14:46.040
Her mom’s worried you’re gonna try to
have sex with her.

00:14:46.040 --> 00:14:47.040
Psht?!

00:14:47.040 --> 00:14:49.630
She ain’t even that cute.

00:14:51.220 --> 00:14:54.520
We hit up a party and this older dude pulls
me aside.

00:14:54.520 --> 00:14:57.850
I just want to apologize... for slavery.

00:14:59.080 --> 00:15:00.600
Uh... okay.

00:15:01.460 --> 00:15:03.060
[Women of color Lock-In]

00:15:03.980 --> 00:15:06.700
For this exercise, write down a negative stereotype
about your own

00:15:06.700 --> 00:15:09.030
group and tape it to someone else’s back.

00:15:09.030 --> 00:15:11.110
Don’t let them see it.

00:15:11.110 --> 00:15:14.670
Then walk around the room and observe.

00:15:16.840 --> 00:15:22.260
[Slut, whore, ho, angry]

00:15:22.270 --> 00:15:25.130
I don't mean angry like someone takes you
seriously though.

00:15:25.130 --> 00:15:28.830
Just like a caricature of a woman screaming
and yelling, but they just

00:15:28.920 --> 00:15:30.880
laugh it off.

00:15:32.230 --> 00:15:36.690
This is how people see me, and I’m still
a virgin

00:15:39.440 --> 00:15:43.260
Dragging myself to Campus health, my therapist
tells me,

00:15:43.260 --> 00:15:47.320
'I didn’t think you’d make it back from
winter break.'

00:15:47.320 --> 00:15:48.600
So much for professional help.

00:15:49.100 --> 00:15:51.140
I try and talk about being lonely,

00:15:51.220 --> 00:15:52.980
and she can’t get past my sexuality

00:15:53.200 --> 00:15:56.820
Ummm, your boyfriend wears make-up?

00:16:02.010 --> 00:16:04.190
After my independent study on Mexican printmaking,

00:16:04.190 --> 00:16:07.590
I start to get those kind of questions

00:16:08.990 --> 00:16:10.670
'But where are you from?'

00:16:10.670 --> 00:16:12.400
Missouri

00:16:12.400 --> 00:16:13.400
Where are your parents from?

00:16:13.400 --> 00:16:15.530
Ah...Michigan and Florida.

00:16:15.530 --> 00:16:18.470
Oh, I'm black y'all!

00:16:22.150 --> 00:16:25.870
[Costa Rica]

00:16:31.670 --> 00:16:35.550
But that night as we settled down to watch
tv, I see this commercial

00:16:36.830 --> 00:16:39.000
La Negrita cleans the entire kitchen.

00:16:39.300 --> 00:16:42.220
It’s a fucking brillo pad!

00:16:49.780 --> 00:16:53.360
After graduation, I leave the whole Western
hemisphere behind.

00:16:53.360 --> 00:16:56.880
And become, practically alien.

00:16:57.380 --> 00:16:58.420
[Japan]

00:17:07.510 --> 00:17:11.220
I may be the first black person some of my
students meet.

00:17:11.940 --> 00:17:17.220
But these self-proclaimed b-boys will blow
me away on the dance floor.

00:17:28.340 --> 00:17:30.820
You’re such a good dancer!

00:17:31.080 --> 00:17:34.480
Guys, I haven’t moved yet.

00:17:35.480 --> 00:17:37.940
There’s so much to love here.

00:17:37.940 --> 00:17:42.250
Where else could you make a whole lesson
plan around Janet Jackson’s ’Rhythm Nation’?

00:17:42.250 --> 00:17:46.500
But I’m always the outsider.

00:17:46.500 --> 00:17:50.620
After one year of teaching, I start looking
for a place I can blend.

00:17:50.620 --> 00:17:57.240
I first left Michigan to work for the church
down in East St. Louis, Illinois.

00:17:58.830 --> 00:18:01.810
It was so different for me, cuz it was the
first time I’d lived around

00:18:01.810 --> 00:18:02.810
black people.

00:18:02.810 --> 00:18:08.590
Some of the kids in particular, young people,
would talk about how I

00:18:08.590 --> 00:18:09.590
looked so light.

00:18:09.590 --> 00:18:14.770
My hair was different and I talked proper
and so on.

00:18:15.500 --> 00:18:16.020
And uh,

00:18:16.030 --> 00:18:22.210
It started making me feel kinda... same sort
of feelings all over

00:18:22.210 --> 00:18:23.210
again.

00:18:23.210 --> 00:18:25.850
Like I didn’t fit in, you know.

00:18:26.100 --> 00:18:29.080
[Black Promised Land]

00:18:29.620 --> 00:18:33.340
I joined the reverse migration of Blacks heading
South

00:18:33.340 --> 00:18:37.150
Over 57% of blacks live in Southern States.

00:18:37.150 --> 00:18:40.730
At the library, I look up and wonder... [white
boy] what’s he doing here?

00:18:42.490 --> 00:18:45.800
In Kansas City, the only time I was surrounded
with all black people

00:18:45.800 --> 00:18:47.940
was as a dishwasher.

00:18:47.940 --> 00:18:52.850
But in Atlanta, we own businesses, practice
the law, speak in all kinds

00:18:52.850 --> 00:18:53.850
of ways.

00:18:53.850 --> 00:18:55.660
What, you calling me Bougie?

00:18:55.660 --> 00:18:56.660
[Bougie]

00:18:56.660 --> 00:19:00.750
Ah, mmm mm, no, no definitely not.

00:19:02.050 --> 00:19:04.770
At the Apache Cafe, my work gets in a show

00:19:04.770 --> 00:19:10.090
and they introduce me to Afro-Beat, created
by Fela Kuti from Nigeria.

00:19:10.090 --> 00:19:13.370
I dance in all kind of ways with this new
Blackness.

00:19:13.370 --> 00:19:18.830
Some people call Atlanta the Blackest place
outside Africa.

00:19:20.140 --> 00:19:21.690
At the Hammonds House and Museum for art of
the

00:19:21.690 --> 00:19:23.510
African Diaspora.

00:19:23.510 --> 00:19:25.110
I befriend the curator.

00:19:25.860 --> 00:19:28.920
I'm just soaking it all up!

00:19:28.920 --> 00:19:30.960
But no one doubts my blackness.

00:19:31.570 --> 00:19:35.390
Girl, your skin is just beautiful!

00:19:35.580 --> 00:19:37.680
Yeah, you mentioned that.

00:19:37.820 --> 00:19:38.860
Just, beautiful

00:19:39.040 --> 00:19:39.560
Uh huh.

00:19:39.800 --> 00:19:45.100
It’s just, I’ve been dating white women
and even though all black are

00:19:45.360 --> 00:19:47.700
women are mean and bossy,

00:19:47.940 --> 00:19:52.600
Y’all are just wonderful, you’re worth
all the hassle.

00:19:52.600 --> 00:19:56.670
Vantage Pointe Studios Art and Tattoo Parlor
hosts my first Atlanta

00:19:56.670 --> 00:19:58.550
solo show.

00:19:58.550 --> 00:20:02.200
Dancing on the pool table at the Apache,
I meet my glorious friend Adinah.

00:20:02.200 --> 00:20:04.580
with a fierce love of black culture.

00:20:05.720 --> 00:20:07.780
I gotta be black enuf now!

00:20:07.790 --> 00:20:10.410
If only there was a way to prove it!

00:20:10.410 --> 00:20:12.830
[Not quite]

00:20:12.830 --> 00:20:16.910
Sometimes, just for being black, you get free
Shit!

00:20:16.910 --> 00:20:19.730
[Syphilis exposure]
Okay, sometimes that,

00:20:20.700 --> 00:20:24.940
In this case, a free DNA test.

00:20:24.940 --> 00:20:30.230
But Black people with money for this kind
of thing mmm mm...

00:20:30.230 --> 00:20:34.750
So my friend tells me about 23 & Me’s
offer to test black DNA.

00:20:34.750 --> 00:20:37.490
So I gathered my sample.

00:20:37.490 --> 00:20:42.960
They mail back an envelope, and the black
award goes to...

00:20:46.300 --> 00:20:47.300
Me.

00:20:48.280 --> 00:20:50.600
[55% Africa, 44% European, 0.5% Asian]

00:20:50.900 --> 00:20:51.400
Close call

00:20:55.820 --> 00:21:01.960
(song lyrics) Let me be my boss, I'm gonna
walk my own way.

00:21:02.180 --> 00:21:05.740
[Devil's spit] I'mma talk that talk,
ain't gonna care what they say.

00:21:06.140 --> 00:21:12.200
Let me be my boss, I'm gonna fight my own
fight.

00:21:12.560 --> 00:21:17.300
No matter what, cuz I don't give an uh, yeah
that's right

00:21:18.000 --> 00:21:23.020
There's no reason I should let myself get
pushed around

00:21:23.030 --> 00:21:28.110
There's no reason why I should let you break me
to the ground.

00:21:28.110 --> 00:21:33.179
Gotta live on my own, can't tell me what to
do.

00:21:33.179 --> 00:21:35.930
These days, we’re swimming in a sea of black
expression.

00:21:36.430 --> 00:21:38.940
I still feel like a freak, but

00:21:38.940 --> 00:21:41.520
it fills me with empathy for all those

00:21:41.580 --> 00:21:44.260
who’ve been outsiders.