00:00:15.039 --> 00:00:16.320
Sana! Say something.

00:00:19.039 --> 00:00:20.839
Tell me where have you come?

00:00:20.839 --> 00:00:22.760
Where have we come?

00:00:22.760 --> 00:00:24.320
Where? I'm asking you.

00:00:25.359 --> 00:00:27.359
Kashmir!

00:00:30.440 --> 00:00:31.559
Sid!

00:00:31.559 --> 00:00:32.520
Say something.

00:00:34.759 --> 00:00:37.240
Say something about coming to Kashmir.

00:00:37.240 --> 00:00:44.119
Seems to be some problem.
That's why the traffic jam.

00:00:45.359 --> 00:00:47.920
I'm telling you to introduce yourself.

00:00:47.920 --> 00:00:49.439
A bit later...

00:00:49.439 --> 00:00:50.560
Say something at least.

00:00:52.039 --> 00:00:53.840
But I'll say it in Kashmiri

00:00:53.840 --> 00:00:55.840
You have to speak in Kashmiri.

00:00:58.079 --> 00:00:59.920
Brother can I tell you something?

00:01:00.600 --> 00:01:02.520
-Sure.

00:01:02.520 --> 00:01:06.799
When I'm here, I feel my heart
has turned upside down.

00:01:15.159 --> 00:01:19.239
You have experienced one part of it.
We have been drowned by the sea.

00:01:23.400 --> 00:01:26.319
You had a place to restart your life from

00:01:38.280 --> 00:01:41.599
This was the first time I heard
my dad speak to a stranger

00:01:41.599 --> 00:01:43.719
so freely about his feelings

00:01:49.120 --> 00:01:52.239
How did they open up so easily
to each other?

00:02:00.200 --> 00:02:03.400
Sana! Baji!

00:02:07.519 --> 00:02:09.080
And that's me!

00:02:11.840 --> 00:02:14.039
I look so over excited.

00:02:17.680 --> 00:02:22.159
Come on say something.
Say something on camera

00:02:22.159 --> 00:02:23.719
in Kashmiri!

00:02:23.719 --> 00:02:26.280
She's guessing in the evenings,
the villagers must burn 'zyun'.

00:02:26.280 --> 00:02:27.319
What is 'zyun'?

00:02:27.319 --> 00:02:30.360
'Zyun' is wood.

00:02:30.360 --> 00:02:32.159
Why don't you learn Kashmiri?

00:02:32.159 --> 00:02:34.599
I know Kashmiri!

00:02:34.599 --> 00:02:38.199
Actually this wasn't an ordinary family holiday.

00:02:38.199 --> 00:02:40.159
24 years...

00:02:40.159 --> 00:02:44.039
that's how long it took us
to go back to Kashmir.

00:03:43.439 --> 00:03:45.960
I was six years old when we left Kashmir,

00:03:45.960 --> 00:03:48.120
but I don't remember any of it

00:03:52.919 --> 00:03:53.840
Growing up,

00:03:53.840 --> 00:03:56.719
I kept hearing stories about our house
in Rainawari.

00:03:56.719 --> 00:03:59.120
The land, the neighborhood

00:03:59.120 --> 00:04:02.280
and gardens full of apple and walnut trees.

00:04:09.439 --> 00:04:13.400
That's Neetu, my sister.

00:04:13.400 --> 00:04:15.639
1980

00:04:19.040 --> 00:04:23.319
That's my dad in Italy in '82.

00:04:23.319 --> 00:04:25.759
This, I don't know
where this is taken.

00:04:28.040 --> 00:04:30.480
Sonu, Neetu,

00:04:30.480 --> 00:04:33.120
aunt, mom and baji.

00:04:35.000 --> 00:04:38.199
But when I went to Kashmir
in 2014,

00:04:38.199 --> 00:04:40.519
seeing my parents there with my sister,

00:04:40.519 --> 00:04:42.000
something changed.

00:04:42.000 --> 00:04:45.279
And, Mr. and Mrs. Jalali,

00:04:45.279 --> 00:04:47.199
How has been the homecoming?

00:04:47.199 --> 00:04:50.199
Oh top!

00:04:50.600 --> 00:04:51.639
I'm loving it!

00:04:51.639 --> 00:04:53.399
-You're loving it?

00:04:53.399 --> 00:04:56.199
It's hard to describe but
I know what I felt

00:04:56.199 --> 00:04:59.680
and I kept that feeling with me.

00:05:00.240 --> 00:05:03.959
On that trip, I asked my dad
to show me where our house was.

00:05:05.920 --> 00:05:07.560
But he refused.

00:05:10.680 --> 00:05:12.040
Maybe it was fear

00:05:12.040 --> 00:05:14.600
or maybe he wanted to avoid something.

00:05:15.040 --> 00:05:18.399
Or maybe I didn't ask enough.

00:05:29.720 --> 00:05:34.639
Few years later, I went to Kashmir
by myself to see our house

00:05:43.079 --> 00:05:45.360
but I couldn't find it.

00:05:48.600 --> 00:05:51.240
And that broke my heart.

00:05:54.040 --> 00:05:55.360
I came back to Bombay

00:05:55.360 --> 00:05:58.639
and decided to find out
more about my house.

00:06:00.319 --> 00:06:02.079
Ok, can you tell me around '89-'90,

00:06:02.079 --> 00:06:03.360
what was happening in Kashmir?

00:06:03.360 --> 00:06:05.920
-What was the atmosphere like?
-Sure, sure.

00:06:05.920 --> 00:06:07.079
So...

00:06:08.720 --> 00:06:09.920
Ok...

00:06:12.360 --> 00:06:14.360
so when this whole...

00:06:15.519 --> 00:06:18.399
phenomena of

00:06:19.720 --> 00:06:22.120
terrorism started in Kashmir

00:06:24.240 --> 00:06:28.519
how it began and
how we understood it was

00:06:28.519 --> 00:06:30.000
very different actually.

00:06:30.360 --> 00:06:33.279
It's a situation where
one would say that you are

00:06:33.279 --> 00:06:36.720
in this nice little place,

00:06:36.720 --> 00:06:40.480
valley and the storms are brewing around you

00:06:40.480 --> 00:06:43.560
and you cannot... you are all

00:06:43.560 --> 00:06:45.279
there are no voices.

00:06:45.600 --> 00:06:47.839
Initially, it started with stone throwing.

00:06:47.839 --> 00:06:52.639
I mean you would have heard in today's
from many years that

00:06:52.639 --> 00:06:56.279
stone throwing and everything is happening
in Kashmir but

00:06:56.279 --> 00:07:00.639
it has been a part and parcel of Kashmir
for a very long time.

00:07:00.759 --> 00:07:02.439
What we call in Kashmiri,

00:07:02.439 --> 00:07:04.240
Kani Jung, you know 'Kani' means

00:07:05.000 --> 00:07:07.040
actually a rock, stone

00:07:07.040 --> 00:07:09.879
'Jung' means the battle of course.

00:07:09.879 --> 00:07:12.720
So that would happen more often.

00:07:13.319 --> 00:07:17.680
And we would have for days together

00:07:17.680 --> 00:07:20.000
strikes and school would be closed.

00:07:20.000 --> 00:07:21.800
What was...

00:07:21.800 --> 00:07:25.439
the difference between before '90 and post,

00:07:25.439 --> 00:07:27.600
and during '90s was,

00:07:28.240 --> 00:07:32.040
the struggle was an armed struggle
'90s forward.

00:07:32.639 --> 00:07:34.600
What I remember was,

00:07:35.600 --> 00:07:39.839
I think when Hari Singh High school was burning,

00:07:39.839 --> 00:07:44.959
so that was a very panic situation basically
in our house.

00:07:44.959 --> 00:07:47.920
When it was burning,
we could see the flames coming.

00:07:47.920 --> 00:07:49.720
So I called my aunt,

00:07:49.720 --> 00:07:52.160
and I told her something has happened.

00:07:52.160 --> 00:07:54.680
There is... Hari Singh High school
is on fire.

00:07:54.680 --> 00:07:57.120
I got so scared,
I didn't talk to anyone.

00:07:57.560 --> 00:08:01.720
I don't know why I called my aunt and
I told her I don't what's going to happen to us.

00:08:01.720 --> 00:08:03.639
Will we also burn like this?

00:08:03.879 --> 00:08:06.240
She said, don't worry, nothing will happen.

00:08:06.240 --> 00:08:10.199
It's fine. Hari Singh High School
is so far from your house.

00:08:10.199 --> 00:08:12.040
I said, but the area I think

00:08:12.040 --> 00:08:14.240
is similar. I was so...

00:08:14.800 --> 00:08:16.600
I was actually very scared.

00:08:16.600 --> 00:08:20.399
I hung up. But I remember my dad was

00:08:20.920 --> 00:08:22.120
preparing himself.

00:08:22.199 --> 00:08:24.160
Where our house was,

00:08:24.160 --> 00:08:26.480
at the backyard of the house,

00:08:26.480 --> 00:08:28.120
there was a backyard,

00:08:28.120 --> 00:08:31.639
and behind that there was a canal.

00:08:31.639 --> 00:08:35.639
Across the canal was a Muslim neighborhood.

00:08:36.240 --> 00:08:41.440
My father started sleeping in the room which

00:08:41.440 --> 00:08:43.720
faced that side,
and he had a gun,

00:08:43.720 --> 00:08:46.320
a shooting gun. I mean
he would go to

00:08:46.320 --> 00:08:49.639
for trekking and all, that's where
he used to take it with him.

00:08:49.639 --> 00:08:51.080
He told my mother,

00:08:51.080 --> 00:08:52.919
if anything happens,

00:08:54.000 --> 00:08:56.840
first thing what I'm going to do is,
I'm going to

00:08:56.840 --> 00:08:58.440
kill my daughters.

00:08:58.440 --> 00:08:59.879
I don't want

00:09:00.440 --> 00:09:03.279
my daughters to be in hands of
someone else.

00:09:03.960 --> 00:09:06.919
That is what I'm going to do first.

00:09:07.679 --> 00:09:09.759
Through that night, I remember, I...

00:09:09.759 --> 00:09:12.720
I wept and I wept and I wept.

00:09:28.879 --> 00:09:35.120
Was it Hari Singh High school
or was it DAV school that Neetu saw burning?

00:09:37.000 --> 00:09:40.279
Sonu thought it was DAV
in later conversations.

00:09:44.000 --> 00:09:48.399
As I dug in, I realized that
the institutions on which we relied for truth

00:09:48.399 --> 00:09:51.360
were damaged in the 90s.

00:10:23.960 --> 00:10:27.759
Can you tell me how we left Kashmir?

00:10:27.759 --> 00:10:31.360
We were sensing things are not right.

00:10:31.360 --> 00:10:34.360
And it was dad's friend.

00:10:34.360 --> 00:10:39.559
His Kashmiri muslim friend who was
so dear to us

00:10:39.559 --> 00:10:40.879
and we were so dear to him.

00:10:41.519 --> 00:10:45.360
Who happened to be in the neighborhood mosque.

00:10:45.360 --> 00:10:48.720
Over there, it was discussed

00:10:48.720 --> 00:10:54.360
that my father is trying to
come in the way of

00:10:54.360 --> 00:10:55.200
the cause

00:10:55.200 --> 00:10:57.159
which is Freedom, because

00:10:57.159 --> 00:11:00.960
probably he would have spoken in

00:11:00.960 --> 00:11:05.240
the streets and said that army would come

00:11:05.240 --> 00:11:07.440
everything will be fine and
because of that,

00:11:07.440 --> 00:11:09.480
he was an 'Informer' and

00:11:09.480 --> 00:11:11.159
his name was on the hit list.

00:11:11.159 --> 00:11:13.320
So what they used to do there,

00:11:13.320 --> 00:11:19.159
on the neighborhood water tank,

00:11:19.159 --> 00:11:23.320
they would stick list of names,
saying that you're next.

00:11:23.320 --> 00:11:26.120
And my father's name was there and

00:11:26.480 --> 00:11:28.879
He came and said, no you need to go
I don't think

00:11:28.879 --> 00:11:33.720
when the situation gets better,
you come back but right now,

00:11:33.720 --> 00:11:36.360
it is safe you go and

00:11:36.360 --> 00:11:36.960
leave.

00:11:39.440 --> 00:11:45.720
I still get trembling in my body
when I think of that night.

00:11:45.720 --> 00:11:47.440
So that night,

00:11:47.440 --> 00:11:49.639
in the whole of Srinagar,

00:11:49.639 --> 00:11:52.120
at a particular time,

00:11:52.120 --> 00:11:54.840
throughout

00:11:54.840 --> 00:11:57.840
all the mosques,

00:11:57.840 --> 00:12:01.559
they started shouting slogans.

00:12:01.559 --> 00:12:05.960
Slogans like - Come out everybody!

00:12:05.960 --> 00:12:07.679
This is our night and we have to

00:12:07.679 --> 00:12:10.279
free Kashmir and

00:12:10.279 --> 00:12:13.279
everyone came out and again
Kashmiri Pandits,

00:12:13.279 --> 00:12:17.480
come out or else you'll be killed
in your own houses

00:12:17.480 --> 00:12:21.039
and people were dragged out of their homes.

00:12:21.039 --> 00:12:22.480
You were very small.

00:12:22.480 --> 00:12:24.039
You were very small.

00:12:24.039 --> 00:12:25.399
And somehow

00:12:25.399 --> 00:12:28.200
me and Neetu

00:12:28.200 --> 00:12:29.679
put you to sleep.

00:12:29.679 --> 00:12:30.720
You slept.

00:12:31.000 --> 00:12:33.679
But we couldn't sleep all night

00:12:33.679 --> 00:12:36.320
because we didn't know
what was going to happen.

00:12:36.320 --> 00:12:40.120
Then my father and mother
picked up a few things quickly

00:12:40.120 --> 00:12:42.000
and made a bundle.

00:12:42.000 --> 00:12:45.559
I remember, the first thing I did
was pick up my progress report.

00:12:45.559 --> 00:12:50.399
Because, I thought if I have to go somewhere
how will I study?

00:12:50.879 --> 00:12:53.000
Where will I go? I didn't know anything.

00:12:53.000 --> 00:12:56.919
That is the only thing I kept,
my report card.

00:12:57.200 --> 00:12:58.879
That's all I remember

00:12:58.879 --> 00:13:00.480
because that was my identity.

00:13:00.480 --> 00:13:02.039
I didn't have anything else.

00:13:02.039 --> 00:13:04.480
Like this we left from there.

00:13:04.480 --> 00:13:08.639
Never knowing that we had left for good.

00:13:08.639 --> 00:13:12.320
We left everything behind.

00:13:12.679 --> 00:13:16.279
Out of all the things,
I have one regret

00:13:16.279 --> 00:13:18.679
that we had a brand new train

00:13:18.679 --> 00:13:21.320
for you, my little sister

00:13:21.320 --> 00:13:24.120
and we couldn't use it

00:13:24.120 --> 00:13:25.799
and we left it there.

00:13:25.799 --> 00:13:29.200
So, till date I feel bad for that.

00:13:29.200 --> 00:13:34.039
There were small tracks we would lay down
and I would play a lot with you

00:13:34.039 --> 00:13:37.240
with that train.

00:13:37.240 --> 00:13:38.440
We couldn't pack that.

00:13:38.440 --> 00:13:40.759
Everything was left behind.

00:13:40.759 --> 00:13:44.600
From tangible to intangible things,

00:13:44.600 --> 00:13:48.080
from memories to things,
everything was left behind

00:13:48.080 --> 00:13:50.639
and is still there.

00:13:56.919 --> 00:13:59.399
These memories are not mine

00:14:01.360 --> 00:14:04.679
All I remember is a tap in the courtyard,

00:14:06.639 --> 00:14:08.639
a few colored walls,

00:14:12.080 --> 00:14:14.759
and that once it snowed.

00:14:16.399 --> 00:14:18.279
But there is a puzzle in my mind

00:14:18.279 --> 00:14:19.960
and I know if I look harder,

00:14:19.960 --> 00:14:22.240
I may find its lost pieces.

00:14:23.039 --> 00:14:25.879
Like when Neetu mentioned the train,

00:14:25.879 --> 00:14:28.360
it lit up a faint memory of it
in my mind

00:14:29.120 --> 00:14:30.080
and I thought,

00:14:30.080 --> 00:14:32.159
maybe some words, some description

00:14:32.159 --> 00:14:36.840
some incident may help me
remember my house.

00:14:40.200 --> 00:14:42.720
So I have very fond memories of my house

00:14:42.720 --> 00:14:47.159
on the backside, there was a nice garden

00:14:47.320 --> 00:14:51.279
with apple tress, almond trees.

00:14:51.279 --> 00:14:53.320
And every winters it used to be like...

00:14:53.320 --> 00:14:55.679
it would be fully covered in snow.

00:14:55.679 --> 00:15:00.000
So memories are many, but
this is one of the nicest memories.

00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:02.799
We were so small and innocent

00:15:02.799 --> 00:15:05.320
that we always used to think
we would make ice cream with that snow.

00:15:05.320 --> 00:15:09.399
Everyday, we would take a pan outside,
put milk and sugar in it

00:15:09.399 --> 00:15:15.600
and we would leave it under the snow
for 5-6 days.

00:15:15.600 --> 00:15:18.919
But of course, nothing would happen.
It would just be snow.

00:15:19.200 --> 00:15:23.440
You know, there was a rose plant.
White color rose used to come.

00:15:23.440 --> 00:15:25.440
Throughout all these years, when I was

00:15:25.440 --> 00:15:29.320
growing, I remember
my aunt pruning it, but

00:15:29.320 --> 00:15:31.519
it used to again grow so big.

00:15:31.559 --> 00:15:34.440
I remember, my house was circular

00:15:34.440 --> 00:15:38.679
our neighbors on right were Dhars,
we were Jalalis

00:15:38.679 --> 00:15:41.080
and in front there was the Vaas family.

00:15:41.080 --> 00:15:43.720
So they were big houses.

00:15:43.720 --> 00:15:46.600
And on TV, Ramayan show used to come.

00:15:46.600 --> 00:15:48.200
When it would get over,

00:15:48.200 --> 00:15:52.000
all the kids of neighborhood,
Hindus and Muslims would come out

00:15:52.000 --> 00:15:55.320
we would make our own bow and arrows at home,

00:15:55.320 --> 00:15:56.960
and

00:15:56.960 --> 00:15:58.840
all Muslim kids also,

00:15:58.840 --> 00:16:01.720
like the TV show, they would also say
'Hail Lord Rama'.

00:16:01.720 --> 00:16:03.720
I used to feel safe.

00:16:03.720 --> 00:16:08.080
In that courtyard, till late at night

00:16:08.080 --> 00:16:10.159
I would ride my bicycle.

00:16:10.159 --> 00:16:12.639
I would play with lot of my friends.

00:16:12.639 --> 00:16:16.279
But I used to feel really safe.

00:16:18.720 --> 00:16:20.639
This was

00:16:20.639 --> 00:16:22.399
late '80s.

00:16:22.399 --> 00:16:24.799
You can see you're here.

00:16:24.799 --> 00:16:28.440
Little girl with these two little pony tails.

00:16:28.440 --> 00:16:30.039
Where is this taken?

00:16:30.039 --> 00:16:33.039
This is home, I mean

00:16:33.039 --> 00:16:36.120
there was a courtyard where...

00:16:36.759 --> 00:16:42.600
most of the weddings and functions would happen
of all the four families.

00:16:42.960 --> 00:16:45.159
Why is my father wearing this

00:16:45.159 --> 00:16:46.759
-Muslim cap?
-It was very cold.

00:16:46.759 --> 00:16:49.440
Kind of a thing, is it?

00:16:49.440 --> 00:16:52.000
He still wears Muslim caps.

00:16:52.000 --> 00:16:55.600
I think it comes naturally to him.
He had so many friends, I mean

00:16:55.879 --> 00:16:59.279
many people even till today

00:16:59.279 --> 00:17:01.600
mistake him for being a Muslim

00:17:01.600 --> 00:17:04.680
when he goes and buys mutton
in a mutton shop.

00:17:05.480 --> 00:17:07.519
And this is you.

00:17:07.519 --> 00:17:09.759
Little little one when you were
really small.

00:17:10.680 --> 00:17:14.000
This was brown silk sari
and I remember this

00:17:14.000 --> 00:17:17.039
double shade sari
which she was really proud of to

00:17:17.039 --> 00:17:20.680
you know, to have in her trunk.

00:17:20.680 --> 00:17:22.119
And we lost it

00:17:22.119 --> 00:17:27.279
while we were bringing our stuff
from Srinagar to Jammu.

00:17:30.279 --> 00:17:33.680
And our house was in front,
you had a canal

00:17:33.680 --> 00:17:35.519
beautiful canal, and then

00:17:35.519 --> 00:17:38.319
it had the valley right,
so you have

00:17:38.319 --> 00:17:41.839
mountains around you.
On this side was Hari Parbat Temple.

00:17:41.839 --> 00:17:45.000
On this side you would see at night

00:17:45.000 --> 00:17:50.400
Chashme Shahi garden glowing in the night.

00:17:50.400 --> 00:17:55.160
So I would wonder looking at the clouds,
what is

00:17:55.160 --> 00:17:58.359
why do people say it's paradise?

00:17:58.359 --> 00:18:02.599
What is paradise?
How is it paradise? It's ok, it's normal.

00:18:02.599 --> 00:18:05.960
But when we left Srinagar,

00:18:05.960 --> 00:18:08.519
that's when it hit me the most...

00:18:08.759 --> 00:18:10.680
that yes...

00:18:11.799 --> 00:18:13.759
that was paradise.

00:18:25.559 --> 00:18:28.119
These memories are beautiful,

00:18:28.119 --> 00:18:30.799
but to me they feel borrowed.

00:18:32.640 --> 00:18:34.440
It's very unsatisfying

00:18:34.440 --> 00:18:37.799
when you have nothing of your own
to hold on to.

00:18:38.599 --> 00:18:40.440
That's when you look for home.

00:18:40.440 --> 00:18:43.359
Because it will always be your own.

00:18:44.799 --> 00:18:47.440
Growing up, I felt the absence of home,

00:18:47.440 --> 00:18:49.920
much more than its presence.

00:18:51.440 --> 00:18:54.319
Three cities and six houses later,

00:18:54.319 --> 00:18:56.960
I still can't seem to settle down.

00:18:58.359 --> 00:19:01.359
Maybe this rootlessness is a
curse of my exile

00:19:04.559 --> 00:19:07.200
and maybe that's why I keep searching.

00:19:25.119 --> 00:19:25.799
Hello?

00:19:26.440 --> 00:19:30.119
-Yes?
-Uncle, this is Rimjhim.

00:19:30.119 --> 00:19:34.759
Oh Rimjhim!
I'm so highly thrilled and delighted

00:19:34.759 --> 00:19:36.599
to talk to you.

00:19:36.599 --> 00:19:41.960
-Thank you, uncle.
-Oh Rainawari! I remember how I used to carry you

00:19:41.960 --> 00:19:44.039
over to our house.

00:19:44.039 --> 00:19:47.720
You were just a baby and
I'd whisk you away.

00:19:48.920 --> 00:19:53.799
Actually, my mother must have told you
I'm making a small film

00:19:53.799 --> 00:19:58.200
about our house and about Rainawari.

00:19:58.200 --> 00:20:02.160
I called you in case, you have
some old photos of the house

00:20:02.160 --> 00:20:05.880
Oh what a house it was!
If there was a house worth seeing in Rainawari,

00:20:05.880 --> 00:20:09.079
it was ours. We were thrown out of that place.

00:20:09.079 --> 00:20:11.680
We did not leave happily.

00:20:11.680 --> 00:20:11.720
We did not leave happily.

00:20:15.279 --> 00:20:20.440
I always thought did I hurt people
when I asked these questions?

00:20:23.160 --> 00:20:25.240
I reached out to family, friends,

00:20:25.240 --> 00:20:27.000
neighbors, cousins

00:20:27.000 --> 00:20:29.079
hoping to find some answers

00:20:35.200 --> 00:20:38.200
-Hello!
-Hi!

00:20:44.480 --> 00:20:46.519
How come you got late?

00:20:46.519 --> 00:20:48.759
There is so much traffic.

00:20:48.759 --> 00:20:53.640
There is so much traffic in Delhi.

00:20:53.640 --> 00:20:56.400
Masi, how are you?

00:20:56.400 --> 00:21:01.039
Yes, going on.

00:21:01.039 --> 00:21:03.079
Say hi!

00:21:07.400 --> 00:21:09.559
Do you remember anything about Kashmir?

00:21:09.559 --> 00:21:10.839
What should I say?

00:21:10.839 --> 00:21:14.599
-Tell me everything.
-It would snow, it would rain

00:21:14.599 --> 00:21:17.440
What else would I know

00:21:18.799 --> 00:21:24.119
Tell me something...
what do you call incident or memory?

00:21:24.119 --> 00:21:25.880
Any incident...

00:21:25.880 --> 00:21:29.279
-about your childhood?
-What stories should I tell?

00:21:29.279 --> 00:21:31.559
I don't remember much

00:21:31.559 --> 00:21:33.880
What would you do all day?

00:21:33.880 --> 00:21:35.880
Just sit around

00:21:35.880 --> 00:21:40.160
How is it possible, for a lady like you to sit all day?

00:21:40.160 --> 00:21:44.680
I would just sit around

00:21:44.680 --> 00:21:47.680
In village, what did you do?

00:21:47.680 --> 00:21:49.880
In village, we had

00:21:49.880 --> 00:21:53.119
so many servants

00:21:53.119 --> 00:21:55.599
How many servants did you have?

00:21:55.599 --> 00:21:58.519
Many servants

00:21:58.519 --> 00:22:02.440
Some would get rice, some would...

00:22:04.079 --> 00:22:07.480
-Some would...?
-Some would axe the trees for wood.

00:22:08.519 --> 00:22:11.519
Get water from the streams

00:22:11.519 --> 00:22:12.720
What would you do?

00:22:12.720 --> 00:22:15.240
We would do nothing.

00:22:15.240 --> 00:22:16.039
Enjoy.

00:22:16.039 --> 00:22:18.720
Ya right. Enjoy!

00:22:18.720 --> 00:22:25.680
May my daughters and daughters-in-law enjoy like I did

00:22:26.559 --> 00:22:28.960
Do you remember Rainawari?

00:22:28.960 --> 00:22:31.279
Our house?

00:22:31.279 --> 00:22:34.359
I don't remember much

00:22:34.359 --> 00:22:36.759
When you left Kashmir,

00:22:36.759 --> 00:22:38.720
did you feel bad?

00:22:38.720 --> 00:22:41.680
Yes, a lot...

00:22:42.079 --> 00:22:44.119
Which day?
What happened that day?

00:22:44.119 --> 00:22:46.480
There were loud screams

00:22:47.359 --> 00:22:49.839
What is Kraknad?

00:22:49.839 --> 00:22:51.839
Commotion! Loud screams!

00:22:51.839 --> 00:22:57.079
Pandits have left! Pandits have left!
Pandits have left!

00:22:58.640 --> 00:23:01.119
This is from our village,

00:23:01.119 --> 00:23:03.559
Gundi Ibrahim, Pattan, where we used to stay

00:23:03.559 --> 00:23:06.359
This is all from there. There are fields behind.

00:23:06.359 --> 00:23:08.400
This is in winter,

00:23:08.400 --> 00:23:12.000
that's why we were wearing pheran.

00:23:12.000 --> 00:23:16.599
-This is your wedding.
-This is my wedding, I came to Rainawari as a groom.

00:23:17.960 --> 00:23:20.279
-My wedding...
-In Rainawari?

00:23:20.279 --> 00:23:21.400
All these are of Rainawari?

00:23:21.400 --> 00:23:23.279
Yes that's where the wedding was

00:23:24.920 --> 00:23:26.319
Where is this from?

00:23:26.319 --> 00:23:29.079
Even this is from the village.

00:23:29.079 --> 00:23:31.359
-Pattan?
-Yes, Pattan. Whose house is this?

00:23:31.359 --> 00:23:33.680
This is our house and garden.

00:23:33.680 --> 00:23:36.759
-Such a big house!
-Yes, four storeyed.

00:23:36.759 --> 00:23:38.279
You didn't sell it ever?

00:23:38.279 --> 00:23:42.119
No, we didn't sell,
it's still there.

00:23:43.680 --> 00:23:45.799
If you sell it, sell it to me.

00:23:45.799 --> 00:23:47.759
If you decide...

00:23:47.759 --> 00:23:51.559
even this is the same

00:23:51.559 --> 00:23:54.880
Kaka bhaiya,
why are you styled like this?

00:23:54.880 --> 00:23:56.720
Well I was in college so...

00:23:56.720 --> 00:23:58.680
That's my dad, in the village

00:23:58.680 --> 00:24:00.680
This is my Muslim friend.

00:24:01.319 --> 00:24:03.920
-Are you still friends?
-Yes, we are.

00:24:03.920 --> 00:24:05.279
Where does he stay?

00:24:05.279 --> 00:24:08.519
He shuttles between
Delhi and Kashmir.

00:24:09.759 --> 00:24:11.960
Why do you think I'm
making this film?

00:24:11.960 --> 00:24:14.559
Or whatever I'm trying to do?

00:24:14.559 --> 00:24:19.119
For our own community,
how we used to live

00:24:19.119 --> 00:24:20.880
in Kashmir, it's a good thing.

00:24:20.880 --> 00:24:25.000
We never wanted to leave ever,

00:24:25.000 --> 00:24:26.799
but still.

00:24:26.799 --> 00:24:30.000
We always wanted to
live in that place.

00:24:39.359 --> 00:24:41.480
I always ask my
mother to cook mutton

00:24:41.480 --> 00:24:43.519
when she comes to Bombay.

00:24:46.599 --> 00:24:48.920
Sometimes thrice a week.

00:25:02.640 --> 00:25:06.720
-This is in Rainawari?
-The wedding was in Rainawari.

00:25:06.720 --> 00:25:08.480
It's been tough to
get her to talk.

00:25:08.480 --> 00:25:12.240
But somehow she was amused
watching her own sister on screen

00:25:12.240 --> 00:25:14.039
and opened up a bit.

00:25:14.039 --> 00:25:17.400
-Who's house is this?
-This is our house and garden

00:25:17.400 --> 00:25:20.079
-Such a big house!
-Yes, four storeyed house.

00:25:20.079 --> 00:25:23.680
They had a four storeyed house.

00:25:28.440 --> 00:25:33.319
These people used to be
wealthy in the real sense.

00:25:35.759 --> 00:25:39.119
They left after you from
Kashimir right? You...

00:25:39.119 --> 00:25:40.880
left in January?

00:25:40.880 --> 00:25:44.000
We left around January...
February.

00:25:45.759 --> 00:25:47.920
All we took was one
suitcase with us

00:25:52.759 --> 00:25:55.359
I washed clothes that night,

00:25:55.359 --> 00:25:57.839
thinking we'll be tired

00:25:57.839 --> 00:26:01.759
when we come back by bus.

00:26:02.880 --> 00:26:08.519
Little did I know that I left
everything behind for them to grab!

00:26:10.759 --> 00:26:13.160
We left our ration
card, documents...

00:26:13.160 --> 00:26:15.880
...everything in Kashmir.

00:26:15.880 --> 00:26:17.920
You had to restart
everything from scratch?

00:26:17.920 --> 00:26:19.000
Yes.

00:26:19.000 --> 00:26:22.200
Sonu studied in a refugee camp school.

00:26:22.200 --> 00:26:24.240
And Neetu?

00:26:24.240 --> 00:26:27.640
Neetu studied in Jammu

00:26:27.640 --> 00:26:32.519
and then we moved to Delhi.

00:26:34.599 --> 00:26:37.240
Two-three years were very harsh,

00:26:37.240 --> 00:26:39.200
when we had to resettle,

00:26:39.200 --> 00:26:41.839
all utensils were left behind.

00:26:47.960 --> 00:26:51.440
How old were you when you left?

00:26:51.440 --> 00:26:54.359
How old were you when
you left from Srinagar?

00:26:56.599 --> 00:27:00.039
In 30s... 35

00:27:00.039 --> 00:27:01.039
35.

00:27:02.039 --> 00:27:03.960
I'm 36 now.

00:27:20.359 --> 00:27:25.200
That's me in the maroon Pheran.

00:27:46.599 --> 00:27:48.319
That's my dad.

00:27:48.319 --> 00:27:50.240
Look, how he is dancing.

00:27:53.839 --> 00:27:58.079
Well I got married
in '88 in Delhi

00:27:58.079 --> 00:28:01.400
and then after that I was hoping

00:28:01.400 --> 00:28:04.599
I left for abroad.

00:28:04.599 --> 00:28:08.279
I live in Canada
and after that I...

00:28:08.279 --> 00:28:10.000
...have not been able to go back.

00:28:10.000 --> 00:28:11.240
Since...

00:28:11.240 --> 00:28:13.319
-'88?
-88'.

00:28:13.319 --> 00:28:14.400
Why?

00:28:14.400 --> 00:28:17.880
In '88 itself there were
some issues that started in...

00:28:17.880 --> 00:28:23.720
...Kashmir and I recall
actually going back '88-'89

00:28:23.720 --> 00:28:28.559
I was not able to get hold of
my parents for at least 5-6 months,

00:28:28.559 --> 00:28:31.640
because there were
no phones working,

00:28:31.640 --> 00:28:33.400
nothing was in the news.

00:28:33.400 --> 00:28:36.319
I tried get hold of embassies to ask

00:28:36.319 --> 00:28:39.200
what's going on?
How can they get hold of my family?

00:28:39.200 --> 00:28:40.480
For me, when I left

00:28:40.480 --> 00:28:43.079
thinking I have to go so far...

00:28:43.079 --> 00:28:45.640
I always knew I'm coming back.

00:28:45.640 --> 00:28:48.599
You know,
every summer I would be coming back

00:28:48.599 --> 00:28:51.200
with my kids, in future,

00:28:51.200 --> 00:28:52.799
with my husband,

00:28:52.799 --> 00:28:56.519
and that never happened and
that to me was shocking. To me,

00:28:56.519 --> 00:28:59.880
that was I don't want to put in
strong words, but I felt cheated.

00:28:59.880 --> 00:29:02.559
I felt cheated by
everybody, I loved

00:29:02.559 --> 00:29:04.279
there, I felt...

00:29:04.279 --> 00:29:06.960
betrayed in many ways

00:29:06.960 --> 00:29:08.599
that somebody stole my home,

00:29:08.599 --> 00:29:11.720
somebody stole my identity,
somebody stole my childhood.

00:29:12.359 --> 00:29:13.960
Because to me, when I went

00:29:13.960 --> 00:29:16.200
abroad, I had nobody there.
I had

00:29:16.200 --> 00:29:19.200
absolutely no one there.

00:29:22.720 --> 00:29:25.839
Binny di, do you remember
our house in Kashmir?

00:29:26.119 --> 00:29:29.160
So I remember it like a story,

00:29:29.160 --> 00:29:32.319
the path that leads
to my uncle's kitchen

00:29:32.319 --> 00:29:34.880
to the alleyway,

00:29:34.880 --> 00:29:38.160
passing the butcher shop,
passing the pharmacy,

00:29:38.160 --> 00:29:41.039
passing those little
alleyways that you had to

00:29:41.039 --> 00:29:43.920
run because some parts
of that were scary.

00:29:43.920 --> 00:29:48.720
And of course,
all the dirt and different

00:29:48.720 --> 00:29:51.480
open-drains, sewers,

00:29:51.480 --> 00:29:53.319
smells...

00:29:53.319 --> 00:29:56.319
everything was ...

00:29:57.920 --> 00:30:00.480
all combined with so
many people cooking.

00:30:00.480 --> 00:30:03.960
That smell. All mixed up.

00:30:03.960 --> 00:30:08.880
Staying for the night,
sleeping on the floor and singing hindi songs

00:30:08.880 --> 00:30:10.279
all the time.

00:30:13.599 --> 00:30:18.119
One of my most important fond
memories that I cannot forget is

00:30:18.119 --> 00:30:22.160
me singing my song to your
dad all the time he used to

00:30:22.160 --> 00:30:23.480
I was a kid.

00:30:23.480 --> 00:30:25.359
I would sing a song...

00:30:25.359 --> 00:30:27.039
and he would say Binny Sing

00:30:27.039 --> 00:30:28.759
Binny sing the song.

00:30:28.759 --> 00:30:30.680
and I would sing it for him.

00:30:30.920 --> 00:30:33.920
That when I

00:30:33.920 --> 00:30:36.400
relate my mother's maiden
home, I relate to

00:30:36.400 --> 00:30:38.559
-that song.
-Which song?

00:30:39.400 --> 00:30:41.319
'My beloved has forgotten me'.

00:30:41.319 --> 00:30:43.559
I relate that to
my mother's maiden home

00:30:43.559 --> 00:30:45.839
That's fondest memory of all

00:30:45.839 --> 00:30:48.680
I have of my mother's maiden home.

00:30:55.880 --> 00:30:57.079
Through my cousin,

00:30:57.079 --> 00:30:59.039
I found a treasure
of old pictures.

00:31:04.400 --> 00:31:07.599
But no where did I find
what I was looking for.

00:31:10.200 --> 00:31:12.039
An image of my house.

00:32:18.720 --> 00:32:21.440
So the only way was to
go and find my house.

00:32:22.559 --> 00:32:25.799
This time with the guide.

00:32:35.839 --> 00:32:37.519
What's written?

00:32:37.519 --> 00:32:41.640
It looks like Farsi not Urdu.
I know little Urdu.

00:32:49.240 --> 00:32:50.759
Did you stay at Rainawari?

00:32:50.759 --> 00:32:52.319
-Yes, in Rainawari.
-Where exactly in Rainawari?

00:32:52.319 --> 00:32:56.359
Close to Naidyaar, near DAV school.
Do you know Karapora Khushki?

00:32:56.359 --> 00:32:58.000
You know Jogi Ianker?

00:32:58.000 --> 00:32:59.720
It was near Jogi Ianker.

00:32:59.720 --> 00:33:00.960
Near the bridge?

00:33:00.960 --> 00:33:04.000
Yes, it was before
crossing the bridge.

00:33:04.000 --> 00:33:08.200
I stay in Bangalore,
she stays in Mumbai.

00:33:08.200 --> 00:33:11.440
We all are strewn around

00:33:18.839 --> 00:33:20.599
Show us our photo!

00:33:25.079 --> 00:33:26.680
How cute, ya!

00:33:30.079 --> 00:33:32.519
Did you come here before?

00:33:32.519 --> 00:33:34.400
This is my second time.

00:33:34.400 --> 00:33:39.680
Last time we came three
years back with our father.

00:33:39.680 --> 00:33:43.279
We came as a family.

00:33:50.640 --> 00:33:53.200
Yeah Nida,
Nisaar just called me.

00:33:53.200 --> 00:33:56.480
So he knows
Rainawari well right?

00:33:59.759 --> 00:34:03.640
Okay great. Thank you Nida. Bye.

00:34:04.799 --> 00:34:06.880
Thank you.
Internet is not working today

00:34:06.880 --> 00:34:09.320
so I will call you
if there is anything.

00:34:10.320 --> 00:34:13.920
I think there is an
encounter going on somewhere

00:34:13.920 --> 00:34:16.159
That's what they were saying.

00:34:16.159 --> 00:34:19.199
Yea somewhere near
Batmaloo area,

00:34:19.199 --> 00:34:23.639
but we'll see,
we'll go around Rainawari, we'll see.

00:34:23.639 --> 00:34:28.079
We'll go with Nisaar.
He knows, he is Amit's guy.

00:34:28.079 --> 00:34:31.199
Do you not want
to have the bread?

00:34:31.199 --> 00:34:32.559
That's it. How much!

00:35:03.840 --> 00:35:07.960
Internet not working,
is a sign of trouble in Kashmir.

00:35:07.960 --> 00:35:10.039
And going near
downtown Srinagar,

00:35:10.039 --> 00:35:13.199
is exactly what one would avoid.

00:35:16.119 --> 00:35:19.599
I think this also belonged
to another Jalali family

00:35:19.599 --> 00:35:21.440
Behind also are

00:35:21.440 --> 00:35:23.480
Pandit houses.

00:35:26.159 --> 00:35:28.239
But this was my only chance.

00:35:28.239 --> 00:35:30.400
I didn't want to
miss a single thing.

00:35:33.159 --> 00:35:36.119
Let's go a bit ahead.

00:35:39.480 --> 00:35:41.599
I wanted to feel home so badly

00:35:41.599 --> 00:35:43.840
that I kept walking.

00:35:44.679 --> 00:35:47.360
-Which area did you stay at?
-Kalwal mohalla.

00:35:47.360 --> 00:35:50.559
-Yes.
-I remember this way.

00:35:50.559 --> 00:35:54.440
-This area is Kralyar and further...
-I used to come here for tuition.

00:35:54.440 --> 00:35:58.440
This is Wakil's (family) area.
On the right, were entirely Pandit homes.

00:35:58.440 --> 00:36:03.880
Wakil sir used to
teach me Maths.

00:36:03.880 --> 00:36:06.119
On the right,
this whole area belonged to Pandits.

00:36:06.119 --> 00:36:09.039
I remember everything.

00:36:09.039 --> 00:36:11.639
No no. I know Kashmiri
properly and well.

00:36:11.639 --> 00:36:14.440
She must have been very small.

00:36:14.440 --> 00:36:18.239
She was very small,
she doesn't remember.

00:36:18.239 --> 00:36:20.280
When did you come?

00:36:20.280 --> 00:36:22.000
We came yesterday.

00:36:22.000 --> 00:36:23.800
The love for your
land brings you here!

00:36:23.800 --> 00:36:27.360
The love for your
land brings you here!

00:36:32.519 --> 00:36:34.639
See, she is crying!

00:36:36.400 --> 00:36:39.760
Her love for land

00:36:39.760 --> 00:36:41.440
has brought her here.

00:36:41.440 --> 00:36:45.119
Can you see she is crying

00:36:45.119 --> 00:36:46.719
I'm a mess!

00:36:46.719 --> 00:36:49.280
-Don't cry.
-No. No.

00:36:49.280 --> 00:36:51.679
We're your brothers.

00:36:51.679 --> 00:36:55.239
Don't worry. God will take care.

00:36:55.239 --> 00:36:57.159
Go ahead on your journey.

00:36:57.159 --> 00:36:59.960
No one will say anything.

00:37:06.559 --> 00:37:08.800
My friend used to
stay on this side.

00:37:08.800 --> 00:37:13.159
-Somewhere near that house.
-Which house?

00:37:13.159 --> 00:37:14.760
It's locked.

00:37:17.599 --> 00:37:18.679
Should we try?

00:37:18.679 --> 00:37:20.199
Should we...?

00:37:20.199 --> 00:37:22.039
I think this used
to be her house.

00:37:22.039 --> 00:37:24.079
-Who's house?
-Ruksana, my friend.

00:37:24.079 --> 00:37:27.239
I remember when we were kids

00:37:27.239 --> 00:37:34.840
You know special yellow rice? If it was
someone's birthday we would stand in corner

00:37:34.840 --> 00:37:36.880
and they would distribute
it from a massive pot.

00:37:36.880 --> 00:37:42.400
We would take the treat in our hands.
That's why we often walked this way.

00:37:42.599 --> 00:37:45.079
I think there is
some other entrance.

00:37:45.079 --> 00:37:46.800
No, it's this, I think...

00:37:46.800 --> 00:37:50.599
maybe they have constructed
a new house or changed it.

00:37:53.880 --> 00:37:56.599
See Samud! Oh!
Girja Aunty's house.

00:37:56.599 --> 00:37:58.800
-Girja aunty's house.
-Which one?

00:37:58.800 --> 00:38:01.480
-That one!
-This is my cousin's house.

00:38:01.480 --> 00:38:02.679
I will show you. Come.

00:38:03.119 --> 00:38:05.320
That big house that you see,

00:38:05.320 --> 00:38:08.000
see that pink shop?

00:38:09.599 --> 00:38:14.440
This used to be Samud's shop,
we used to get curd from him.

00:38:14.440 --> 00:38:17.159
-I don't think he would be alive
now -But where was the shop?

00:38:17.159 --> 00:38:18.880
This pink shop,

00:38:18.880 --> 00:38:23.679
he used to sell
only curd and milk.

00:38:23.679 --> 00:38:24.519
Who's house is this?

00:38:25.920 --> 00:38:27.639
Who are you looking for?

00:38:27.639 --> 00:38:31.039
Isn't this Machama's house?

00:38:31.039 --> 00:38:34.960
Yes, it's Machama's house.

00:38:34.960 --> 00:38:37.360
In the front is Partazi's house,

00:38:37.360 --> 00:38:44.119
the other one is Koul's
and Dhar's house (Pandit homes).

00:38:44.119 --> 00:38:45.480
The rest is changed.

00:38:45.480 --> 00:38:47.119
We are Jalalis

00:38:47.119 --> 00:38:49.519
We used to stay closer to
where the dispensary was

00:38:49.519 --> 00:38:53.440
-Misha sahib...
-Misha sahib (shrine)... yes

00:38:53.440 --> 00:38:54.480
What's your last name?

00:38:54.480 --> 00:38:56.480
-Jalalis.
-Jalali.

00:38:56.480 --> 00:39:00.639
-Which Jalalis?
-My father's name is Pran Nath Jalali.

00:39:00.639 --> 00:39:02.320
Pran Nath Jalali.

00:39:02.320 --> 00:39:04.360
Even Neelkanth's used
to stay around here

00:39:04.360 --> 00:39:08.320
Okay, I got it. Yes, you used to
stay near the small alley there.

00:39:08.519 --> 00:39:12.320
-Post office is still there?
-Yes, it is there as it was.

00:39:12.320 --> 00:39:15.159
Nagari used to stay there

00:39:15.159 --> 00:39:19.079
Post office is there as it was.
Nagari used to stay

00:39:19.079 --> 00:39:22.320
-in front of the state bank I think.
-Yes yes.

00:39:22.320 --> 00:39:26.320
Hey, what about the money?

00:39:26.320 --> 00:39:28.960
Rs 10 only right?

00:39:28.960 --> 00:39:31.679
Not this one, the other one.

00:39:31.679 --> 00:39:34.559
-Come have tea.
-We will finish first going

00:39:34.559 --> 00:39:37.960
-Please come here.
-We will see our home and come

00:39:37.960 --> 00:39:42.079
There is no change in
love, its the same.

00:39:42.400 --> 00:39:45.280
We are the same what we
were then and also now.

00:39:45.280 --> 00:39:48.920
The only difference is that
then we were younger and now

00:39:48.920 --> 00:39:51.559
we have become old.

00:39:51.559 --> 00:39:53.400
We are the same.

00:39:53.400 --> 00:39:58.400
Feelings are the same.

00:39:58.400 --> 00:40:00.920
The one's who were small,

00:40:00.920 --> 00:40:03.119
playing in laps are now old.

00:40:03.119 --> 00:40:08.280
If we tell them about Pandits,
they will ask what does that mean?

00:40:08.280 --> 00:40:11.320
We tell them they were
like us only living here,

00:40:11.320 --> 00:40:13.480
but some understand
and some don't.

00:40:13.480 --> 00:40:18.400
During Janamashtami,
the procession would pass through here.

00:40:18.400 --> 00:40:20.800
We would pull the cart.

00:40:20.800 --> 00:40:24.280
I remember when we were small...

00:40:24.280 --> 00:40:26.599
...we would follow the procession...

00:40:26.599 --> 00:40:28.360
...through the whole area,

00:40:28.360 --> 00:40:32.360
when it would reach the end,

00:40:32.360 --> 00:40:36.519
There would always be
a fight for apples.

00:40:36.519 --> 00:40:39.639
I remember a bit

00:40:39.639 --> 00:40:42.719
Do you remember,
they would cut it in four pieces and give

00:40:42.719 --> 00:40:45.639
-on the way...
-They would give us milk and curd.

00:40:45.639 --> 00:40:48.800
We would go specially for that.

00:40:48.800 --> 00:40:53.400
There was a post on the
internet, written by a girl...

00:40:53.400 --> 00:40:56.239
...probably an editor abroad...

00:40:56.239 --> 00:41:00.000
She had said that she used...

00:41:00.000 --> 00:41:02.639
...to buy curd from this shop.

00:41:02.639 --> 00:41:06.519
And she wouldn't be satisfied with extra curd he gave in her
palm to eat and gobble up all the curd.

00:41:06.519 --> 00:41:11.039
Yes yes,
this is our other sister.

00:41:11.039 --> 00:41:17.639
We would send her to fetch the curd.
But by the time she got home, it was over.

00:41:17.639 --> 00:41:19.400
She would always lie
that it fell down.

00:41:19.400 --> 00:41:21.480
She has put this on the internet

00:41:25.199 --> 00:41:26.760
One of my early adventures

00:41:26.760 --> 00:41:29.039
but now a defunct
Facebook page.

00:41:29.039 --> 00:41:31.960
Hu kus bu kus was something
I started in 2017.

00:41:37.280 --> 00:41:39.519
It was a page where
Kashmiris who had left

00:41:39.519 --> 00:41:41.159
would share happy memories.

00:41:44.599 --> 00:41:49.079
But I was surprised that it had
made its way to these lanes.

00:41:56.119 --> 00:42:00.800
It's written in Sanskrit. Says Shiv
Shankar and then Om or something.

00:42:00.800 --> 00:42:02.719
Om.. Bhu..

00:42:02.719 --> 00:42:04.079
-You know Hindi?
-A bit

00:42:04.079 --> 00:42:05.960
Same here.

00:42:09.280 --> 00:42:11.119
-This was the Kar house?
-Yes, yes.

00:42:11.119 --> 00:42:12.480
Kar house...

00:42:15.840 --> 00:42:18.599
-New structures start from here.
-Our house was this way as well

00:42:18.599 --> 00:42:20.559
I think it could be this.

00:42:20.559 --> 00:42:23.159
-It's all changed.
-Yes, all changed.

00:42:23.159 --> 00:42:27.159
Doesn't feel like the
same place at all.

00:42:27.159 --> 00:42:32.400
These lanes used to
be much narrower.

00:42:37.519 --> 00:42:40.719
This was our land.

00:42:40.719 --> 00:42:44.159
-Let's go, we know them.
-So let's go then.

00:42:49.960 --> 00:42:51.559
What's the matter?

00:42:51.920 --> 00:42:54.840
You had come to her wedding.

00:42:54.840 --> 00:42:57.920
Oh yes! Please come in.

00:42:57.920 --> 00:43:02.280
-This was the land, our house was that way.
-Your house was there.

00:43:02.280 --> 00:43:06.920
-It's all gone
-Yes, all gone. This had burnt down.

00:43:09.960 --> 00:43:13.039
-She was just a little baby then.
-Yes, she was very young.

00:43:13.039 --> 00:43:15.360
She used to have milk. Come in!

00:43:17.599 --> 00:43:20.760
I told your dad to come
and make a house here.

00:43:20.760 --> 00:43:24.000
-He's no more.
-What?

00:43:24.000 --> 00:43:25.880
What happened?

00:43:27.760 --> 00:43:30.119
She's saying he's passed away.

00:43:44.480 --> 00:43:46.559
Ok, come come

00:43:48.480 --> 00:43:50.360
When did this happen?

00:43:50.360 --> 00:43:52.800
30th November, now.

00:43:52.800 --> 00:43:55.119
This November?
We were just there...

00:43:55.119 --> 00:43:56.920
He was in Bangalore, right?

00:43:56.920 --> 00:43:59.079
He used to stay in
Bangalore, right?

00:44:04.039 --> 00:44:06.039
Listen!

00:44:06.039 --> 00:44:08.639
Your brother is no more.

00:44:08.639 --> 00:44:12.119
Pran Nath Jalali.

00:44:12.119 --> 00:44:14.760
In November!

00:44:26.880 --> 00:44:30.280
How's your mother?

00:44:32.360 --> 00:44:36.360
I would give my life for you.

00:44:46.960 --> 00:44:53.519
I had called him
around that time.

00:44:53.519 --> 00:44:57.760
He hadn't been keeping well.

00:45:03.360 --> 00:45:07.400
He was my brother!

00:45:07.400 --> 00:45:10.280
He was not my neighbor,
he was my brother!

00:45:19.400 --> 00:45:23.039
I was supposed to make
this trip with my father.

00:45:24.760 --> 00:45:27.480
By losing him while
making of this film,

00:45:27.480 --> 00:45:30.599
it left me completely helpless.

00:45:30.599 --> 00:45:34.400
Everyday I regret not being
able to do this with him.

00:45:43.599 --> 00:45:44.639
When I lost him,

00:45:44.639 --> 00:45:49.119
for a moment I almost lost my
purpose of making this film.

00:45:55.480 --> 00:45:56.920
I felt that making this film

00:45:56.920 --> 00:46:00.079
will help him see me
better for who I was

00:46:00.079 --> 00:46:02.440
and what I really
felt for Kashmir.

00:46:10.760 --> 00:46:12.960
When there was a wedding,

00:46:12.960 --> 00:46:18.199
he would wake me up
saying, "get up, get up."

00:46:18.199 --> 00:46:21.039
He would pull me out of the bed

00:46:21.039 --> 00:46:23.079
saying it's time
for the ceremony.

00:46:23.079 --> 00:46:27.400
He would say I add
life to the atmosphere.

00:46:27.400 --> 00:46:31.400
Around that time only
the movement started!

00:46:35.360 --> 00:46:37.320
Then this all became ruin!

00:46:37.320 --> 00:46:41.159
Otherwise it was a bustling place!

00:46:41.159 --> 00:46:43.280
For me you are not married, you are still children.

00:46:43.280 --> 00:46:47.440
I used to make you guys pee in the drain here.

00:46:51.960 --> 00:46:55.760
This is always your
house and I'm your aunt.

00:46:57.119 --> 00:47:00.000
He did not deserve
to die so young.

00:47:00.000 --> 00:47:02.039
Here a lot of people,

00:47:02.039 --> 00:47:04.000
died with bullets.

00:47:04.000 --> 00:47:09.119
Which bullet did he take?

00:47:09.119 --> 00:47:11.039
He had faced a lot of trouble in life,

00:47:11.039 --> 00:47:14.159
since he was just a boy.

00:47:14.159 --> 00:47:22.599
So many troubles and three daughters to top it all off.
What bad luck!

00:47:41.480 --> 00:47:42.719
Which one was their house?

00:47:42.719 --> 00:47:45.119
This was their house,

00:47:45.119 --> 00:47:47.039
see this one.

00:47:47.039 --> 00:47:51.360
This was all burnt
down during the fire

00:47:51.360 --> 00:47:53.800
and only that house
remained, Gursin's house!

00:47:53.800 --> 00:47:57.559
This plot only grew
stinging nettle.

00:47:57.559 --> 00:47:59.679
Yes. Used to be filled with it.

00:47:59.679 --> 00:48:03.320
We would get caned with it!

00:48:08.000 --> 00:48:10.480
So there was nothing here?

00:48:10.480 --> 00:48:13.400
It was a big plot.

00:48:13.400 --> 00:48:16.760
This was your plot.

00:48:16.760 --> 00:48:21.440
I told your father,

00:48:21.440 --> 00:48:24.159
may he rest in peace,

00:48:24.159 --> 00:48:28.519
if you want to sell this land,

00:48:28.519 --> 00:48:31.159
then don't sell it
to anyone but me!

00:48:31.159 --> 00:48:34.880
He said,
I wish to breathe my last here.

00:48:34.880 --> 00:48:38.920
Told him, his wish was my command,
but sell this land only to me.

00:48:38.920 --> 00:48:41.000
I promised

00:48:41.000 --> 00:48:43.039
this is yours,

00:48:43.039 --> 00:48:45.840
but if you want to live here,

00:48:45.840 --> 00:48:48.239
I will make a house for you.

00:48:48.239 --> 00:48:50.880
He cried a lot.

00:48:50.880 --> 00:48:52.519
Yes that day, he cried a lot.

00:48:52.519 --> 00:48:54.760
Cried a lot...

00:48:54.760 --> 00:48:58.480
Dad kept his hand on my head

00:48:58.480 --> 00:49:02.039
and said whenever you want,
come and make a house here.

00:49:02.039 --> 00:49:06.320
-I swear by him, this house is yours.
-I wanted to show him the picture.

00:49:06.320 --> 00:49:09.280
This is your house.

00:49:09.280 --> 00:49:12.039
Don't think that

00:49:12.039 --> 00:49:14.119
you came here scared.

00:49:14.119 --> 00:49:17.440
Just kick the door and come inside.

00:49:17.440 --> 00:49:22.800
You look just like Baji.

00:49:28.239 --> 00:49:31.039
-Do you think we can go and see the house?

00:49:31.039 --> 00:49:33.679
-It doesn't look like our house.

00:49:33.679 --> 00:49:38.039
You want to go and see?
Come come!

00:49:38.039 --> 00:49:38.800
Thank you!

00:49:39.559 --> 00:49:43.280
My dad never told me all this.

00:49:43.280 --> 00:49:47.360
For my dad, his home was
never far from his thoughts.

00:49:49.199 --> 00:49:51.760
His passwords were
often Rainawari.

00:49:54.679 --> 00:49:58.800
It was as if Rainawari was
a keeper of all his secrets.

00:49:58.800 --> 00:50:02.559
The girls are from here only.
They are not strangers.

00:50:14.159 --> 00:50:15.400
-This is Gursin's.
-No, Dhar's

00:50:15.400 --> 00:50:16.079
This is Dhar's.

00:50:16.079 --> 00:50:20.639
Oh, this is gone.

00:50:22.119 --> 00:50:23.800
This was your house

00:50:23.800 --> 00:50:25.920
This looks like its shrunk!

00:50:25.920 --> 00:50:29.760
It seems so small!

00:50:29.760 --> 00:50:31.639
The garden used to be so big!

00:50:31.639 --> 00:50:34.119
Both the houses came closer

00:50:34.119 --> 00:50:37.119
-and they reduced the space.
-Even Mattoo's seems closer.

00:50:37.119 --> 00:50:39.039
All this is new.

00:50:39.039 --> 00:50:42.599
This doesn't look
the same at all

00:50:48.239 --> 00:50:51.159
This is not at all what it was.

00:50:51.159 --> 00:50:53.559
There was a tap here.

00:50:53.559 --> 00:50:54.679
Here, was your tap.

00:50:54.679 --> 00:51:00.599
Yes, yes it was right here.

00:51:01.440 --> 00:51:04.400
This was your house.

00:51:04.400 --> 00:51:07.239
You had rooms on right.

00:51:07.239 --> 00:51:08.519
This side was our's

00:51:08.519 --> 00:51:13.039
the door was there.

00:51:13.039 --> 00:51:15.320
Yes, there was the door.

00:51:15.320 --> 00:51:17.920
This is your house

00:51:17.920 --> 00:51:21.639
and the door used
to be in the centre.

00:51:21.639 --> 00:51:25.719
There was a staircase going up,

00:51:25.719 --> 00:51:27.679
this is completely different.

00:51:27.679 --> 00:51:29.880
They have made a new house.

00:51:29.880 --> 00:51:32.960
The kitchen was here.

00:51:32.960 --> 00:51:42.440
This door would lead to the backyard and the garden.

00:51:42.440 --> 00:51:46.519
There was a verandah
and lots of trees.

00:51:46.519 --> 00:51:49.760
Yes, lots of trees.

00:51:49.760 --> 00:51:52.280
Wow, you remember everything exactly!

00:51:55.119 --> 00:51:58.559
From here you had land

00:51:58.639 --> 00:52:00.480
all the way till there.

00:52:00.480 --> 00:52:02.920
Yes, yes.

00:52:02.920 --> 00:52:05.880
This is...
our kitchen was small.

00:52:05.880 --> 00:52:10.960
And there was a sink next to it.

00:52:16.960 --> 00:52:19.840
In one night, her father left.

00:52:19.840 --> 00:52:24.480
What he did was,
he had a rifle to shoot birds.

00:52:24.480 --> 00:52:26.440
-You had a rifle right?
-Yes.

00:52:26.440 --> 00:52:28.679
He got his gun out and
he left for Nigeen lake.

00:52:28.679 --> 00:52:31.400
I told him you shouldn't
have done this.

00:52:31.400 --> 00:52:34.400
Why did you get the
gun out in public?

00:52:34.400 --> 00:52:39.000
When I heard I told him
wrap your stuff and leave!

00:52:43.880 --> 00:52:47.079
I knew the house had
been burnt down.

00:52:49.960 --> 00:52:51.280
But I had foolishly hoped

00:52:51.280 --> 00:52:53.920
that I would find
some trace of my home.

00:52:58.559 --> 00:53:00.760
That just being in this place,

00:53:00.760 --> 00:53:04.000
would somehow unlock
my buried memories.

00:53:10.920 --> 00:53:12.639
But not even a fragment,

00:53:12.639 --> 00:53:14.079
not a broken wall

00:53:14.079 --> 00:53:16.159
or door had survived.

00:54:32.840 --> 00:54:34.840
Can you hear this
rustling of trees?

00:54:34.840 --> 00:54:39.400
I'm listening to this
sound after 28 years.

00:54:39.400 --> 00:54:43.360
One understands how
you've missed it,

00:54:43.360 --> 00:54:45.440
how much have you missed it.

00:54:45.440 --> 00:54:46.960
See?

00:54:55.480 --> 00:54:57.840
My mother would often say
that, me and my father

00:54:57.840 --> 00:54:58.599
were the only two

00:54:58.599 --> 00:55:00.679
who would never stay at home.

00:55:05.400 --> 00:55:08.119
I like to believe that I
share his wandering spirit

00:55:08.119 --> 00:55:10.239
that has finally
brought me here.

00:55:18.800 --> 00:55:20.320
I went in May

00:55:20.320 --> 00:55:22.559
with Sonu.

00:55:22.559 --> 00:55:24.800
Were you scared?

00:55:24.800 --> 00:55:26.119
No, I wasn't scared but

00:55:28.519 --> 00:55:32.519
found the house,
went to Samud's shop.

00:55:32.519 --> 00:55:34.760
Did he remember us?
Was he there?

00:55:34.760 --> 00:55:38.639
His son was there.

00:55:38.639 --> 00:55:41.280
I was not scared but
Sonu was a bit scared.

00:55:41.280 --> 00:55:43.760
Did Samud remember us?

00:55:43.760 --> 00:55:45.559
During the editing of this film,

00:55:45.559 --> 00:55:47.800
I unexpectedly got a
call from my cousins

00:55:47.800 --> 00:55:49.400
who wanted to show me something.

00:55:51.639 --> 00:55:53.480
The last celebration
in our house

00:55:53.480 --> 00:55:55.880
was my cousin's Renu
and Pinky's wedding

00:55:55.880 --> 00:55:57.960
in 1989.

00:55:57.960 --> 00:56:00.159
The situation was
getting worse there.

00:56:00.159 --> 00:56:01.679
It was the beginning
of the movement.

00:56:01.679 --> 00:56:03.519
But we never realised

00:56:03.519 --> 00:56:05.960
It would get so bad that
we will have to run away.

00:56:05.960 --> 00:56:09.480
When I was going
for my honeymoon,

00:56:09.480 --> 00:56:13.119
my office colleagues joked that

00:56:13.119 --> 00:56:16.400
-how will you come back?
-I asked why?

00:56:16.400 --> 00:56:18.280
They said, you'll need a Visa,

00:56:18.280 --> 00:56:19.920
how will you come
without a passport?

00:56:19.920 --> 00:56:22.159
They would joke about it and so would I

00:56:22.159 --> 00:56:24.480
But I never thought

00:56:24.480 --> 00:56:26.480
it will come true.

00:56:27.880 --> 00:56:29.719
And it did come true

00:56:29.719 --> 00:56:33.639
So till date I'm
still on my honeymoon,

00:56:33.639 --> 00:56:35.519
since I could never
go back to Kashmir.

00:56:35.519 --> 00:56:38.800
I couldn't go back to Kashmir.

00:56:38.800 --> 00:56:42.599
We had all lived together
in our ancestral home.

00:56:42.599 --> 00:56:44.840
Surprisingly,
even in those troubled times,

00:56:44.840 --> 00:56:47.519
they managed to
get a videographer.

00:56:50.599 --> 00:56:53.280
The wedding is clearer in that...

00:56:53.280 --> 00:56:54.320
In what?

00:56:54.320 --> 00:56:58.000
In the video...

00:57:15.639 --> 00:57:25.039
No one danced at weddings back then.
He's at least giving it a shot!

00:57:25.039 --> 00:57:32.480
Where is this?
At Fatehkadal house.

00:57:33.800 --> 00:57:37.719
Go ahead, it will be after this.

00:57:43.239 --> 00:57:47.199
Our house looked somewhat like this.

00:57:53.840 --> 00:58:01.320
But look how nice Srinagar looks, back in 1989.

00:58:04.480 --> 00:58:06.840
There's your dad!

00:58:11.039 --> 00:58:15.000
And that is Akhtar's house.

00:58:20.639 --> 00:58:23.960
We can see everyone's
house, but not ours!

00:58:30.960 --> 00:58:33.960
Oh! Finally!

00:58:37.719 --> 00:58:41.000
Thank God!

00:58:41.000 --> 00:58:42.239
At least something!

00:58:42.239 --> 00:58:43.800
-It's this right?
-Yes.

00:58:43.800 --> 00:58:46.039
What is this? And above this?

00:58:46.039 --> 00:58:47.960
This is where we used to stay

00:58:47.960 --> 00:58:51.000
on the ground floor.

00:58:51.000 --> 00:58:54.119
-This is first floor.
-Two windows of first floor.

00:58:54.119 --> 00:58:56.119
The one in the center...

00:58:56.119 --> 00:58:58.760
this is one small room.

00:59:00.320 --> 00:59:03.760
And just like that,
when I least expected it,

00:59:03.760 --> 00:59:05.800
there it was!

00:59:06.639 --> 00:59:09.239
Even if it was just
a piece of wall,

00:59:10.519 --> 00:59:12.559
it made me happy.

00:59:20.840 --> 00:59:22.559
Who's that?

00:59:24.000 --> 00:59:26.840
Hey I think I know him...

00:59:26.840 --> 00:59:28.719
You've met them.

00:59:32.039 --> 00:59:36.119
Ok can anyone tell
me who this is?

00:59:36.119 --> 00:59:37.599
That's you?

00:59:38.159 --> 00:59:40.400
-No!
-No, that's mumma, that's mumma!

00:59:40.400 --> 00:59:42.840
This is our house in Rainawari

00:59:43.960 --> 00:59:45.199
in Kashmir.

00:59:45.199 --> 00:59:47.400
You know what this
is in her hand?

00:59:47.400 --> 00:59:48.679
A basket!

00:59:49.880 --> 00:59:51.800
I don't know what is it called.

00:59:51.800 --> 00:59:53.480
It is called a Kangri.

00:59:54.239 --> 00:59:57.400
After a long time,
I was not a spectator

00:59:57.400 --> 00:59:59.119
but a teller of stories.

00:59:59.119 --> 01:00:00.800
Neetu masi and you

01:00:01.920 --> 01:00:03.199
That's her.

01:00:03.559 --> 01:00:05.000
Tell me who is this?

01:00:05.000 --> 01:00:06.800
That's you!

01:00:08.800 --> 01:00:11.280
That's mumma and Binny didi.

01:00:11.280 --> 01:00:12.679
Yeah, good!

01:00:12.679 --> 01:00:15.079
They look so much like boys.

01:00:15.599 --> 01:00:17.039
Grandma!

01:00:17.639 --> 01:00:19.760
-How many sisters...
-This is another wedding.

01:00:19.760 --> 01:00:21.480
-How many sisters does grandma have?
-My cousin's wedding.

01:00:21.480 --> 01:00:24.480
-How many sisters does granny have?
-Two sisters.

01:00:24.480 --> 01:00:27.000
That's also your mumma.

01:00:28.280 --> 01:00:31.440
So many people in our family.

01:00:32.400 --> 01:00:34.400
But how many do you know?

01:00:34.400 --> 01:00:37.320
So when you... do you know why

01:00:37.320 --> 01:00:39.639
Do you have any idea
why we left Kashmir?

01:00:39.639 --> 01:00:41.280
Many reasons.

01:00:41.280 --> 01:00:46.360
Something bad was
happening there.

01:00:46.360 --> 01:00:48.280
It wasn't safe anymore.

01:00:48.280 --> 01:00:51.679
Yeah, otherwise they
had to convert to Muslim

01:00:51.679 --> 01:00:53.800
or something, so they left.

01:00:55.039 --> 01:00:57.719
And apparently you were like...

01:00:57.719 --> 01:00:58.760
five...?

01:00:58.760 --> 01:01:00.920
-Six!
-Six!

01:01:00.920 --> 01:01:03.559
So when people ask
you are you Kashmiri,

01:01:03.559 --> 01:01:05.679
-then what do you say?
-Yes!

01:01:05.679 --> 01:01:07.639
Yea I am

01:01:07.639 --> 01:01:10.199
-And you Vihaan?
-A little bit.

01:01:10.199 --> 01:01:13.159
Not 100?cause...

01:01:13.159 --> 01:01:17.360
I was born...
I was born in England.

01:01:17.360 --> 01:01:20.599
My dad is from Delhi.

01:01:20.599 --> 01:01:24.039
-Yes.
-It's only my mom's side which is from

01:01:24.039 --> 01:01:25.719
Kashmir.

01:01:25.719 --> 01:01:27.960
So yeah, I am a little bit.

01:01:27.960 --> 01:01:30.920
-Like bit?
-Like 1/3rd.

01:01:30.920 --> 01:01:33.920
-You are a lot. Because you love mutton?
-Yeah!

01:02:04.800 --> 01:02:08.039
For years,I looked at Kashmir
within a certain paradigm

01:02:08.039 --> 01:02:11.760
and overnight
everything had changed.

01:02:17.960 --> 01:02:20.199
The constant struggle
with my sense of belonging

01:02:20.199 --> 01:02:21.199
as a Pandit...

01:02:21.199 --> 01:02:23.679
suddenly felt invalid.

01:02:27.760 --> 01:02:30.000
And I kept thinking
that all of us

01:02:30.000 --> 01:02:31.679
who shared the same land

01:02:31.679 --> 01:02:34.800
slept under the same
sky for centuries.

01:02:38.039 --> 01:02:39.519
How did we come to this point

01:02:39.519 --> 01:02:43.119
where we stopped acknowledging
each other's pain.

01:03:01.960 --> 01:03:05.119
Your grandfather was
like her brother.

01:03:05.119 --> 01:03:07.719
As kids, they knew each other.

01:03:14.320 --> 01:03:16.639
So when...

01:03:16.639 --> 01:03:20.239
your mumma went to
Kashmir in May with me,

01:03:20.239 --> 01:03:23.039
she told me that you gave her a

01:03:23.039 --> 01:03:24.599
hair strand of grandpa.

01:03:24.599 --> 01:03:30.599
Yeah, I had taken his cap.
The one cap he used to wear a lot,

01:03:30.599 --> 01:03:33.800
so in that I found one and
I just felt like keeping it.

01:03:33.800 --> 01:03:35.480
Why?

01:03:35.480 --> 01:03:38.119
Because of course it
reminded me of him.

01:03:38.119 --> 01:03:41.880
And I felt like keeping
a part of him with me.

01:03:44.920 --> 01:03:48.280
But why did you give her when
she was going to Kashmir?

01:03:56.159 --> 01:04:01.639
I thought maybe she would
want to take him there

01:04:01.639 --> 01:04:04.199
with her.

01:04:05.800 --> 01:04:08.239
Did you tell anyone about it?

01:04:08.239 --> 01:04:11.679
No, I haven't spoken
to anyone about it.

01:04:17.599 --> 01:04:20.159
Sana! Say something.

01:04:29.320 --> 01:04:31.639
Loss is a strange thing.

01:04:31.639 --> 01:04:33.719
Whether it's a
loss of a person,

01:04:33.719 --> 01:04:36.000
or a place or a memory.

01:04:36.000 --> 01:04:38.360
It's inevitable!

01:04:38.360 --> 01:04:40.719
But sometimes loss
can push you hard

01:04:40.719 --> 01:04:42.920
and sometimes pull you down.

01:04:42.920 --> 01:04:45.320
Either way,
it does something to us.

01:04:45.320 --> 01:04:47.760
It is transformative.

01:04:48.760 --> 01:04:50.239
It has an invisible strength

01:04:50.239 --> 01:04:53.400
that can make you do
unimaginable things.

01:04:59.400 --> 01:05:01.800
Like going all the way
back to look for my house

01:05:01.840 --> 01:05:03.480
and realizing

01:05:03.480 --> 01:05:05.760
that Love for land is true.

01:05:08.039 --> 01:05:10.920
and belonging is from within.

01:05:10.920 --> 01:05:13.719
It can't and shouldn't
be proven to anyone.