WEBVTT

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(cableway car clicking)

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(Titi speaking in Spanish)

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(peaceful breezy mountain ambience)

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(relaxing ominous music)

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- [Cecilia] If we only
remember the good things

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about the people we love,

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what do we lose?

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(relaxing guitar music)

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My grandmother, Carmen,

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was the unofficial family archivist.

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She didn\'t just keep the family history,

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she wrote it.

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After my uncle Miguel died in 1987,

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she made this scrapbook.

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This is how she remembered him,

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the talented young actor
headed for Broadway.

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The Miguel in the scrapbook
seems like the son

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my grandmother wanted,

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not the one she had.

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I have only one memory of
him and I was six years old.

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He came from New York
for a surprise visit.

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And I don\'t remember how long he stayed

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but it was long enough to get
an impression of this fun,

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charming, seductive guy.

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And then that was it.

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Six months later he was dead.

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(phone audible ringing tone)

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- [Nylda] Hello?

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(Cecilia speaking in Spanish)

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Mama, there\'s something
I\'ve been thinking about,

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about Tito Mickey when he died.

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I wanted to know what you remember?

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- [Nylda] I remember being in touch

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with him the week before he died.

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And Miguel was very sick.

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He showed me some spots he had on his legs

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and told me it was cancer.

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I saw a ring that he was wearing

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and I saw that my mother was very upset

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about him not giving up his
relationship with Robert,

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and insisting that he repent.

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- [Cecilia] So then what do you know?

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- [Nylda] Her story was that Miguel went

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to confession before he died.

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He had repented and
was received in heaven.

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- [Cecilia] Doesn\'t it trouble you?

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- [Nylda] Why should it trouble me?

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- [Cecilia] Because if it\'s true,

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don\'t you wanna know what happened?

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- [Interviewer] I\'ll just
get you to say your name?

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- [Miguel] Miguel Dieppa.

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- [Interviewer] Okay Miguel,
I want you to tell me

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where do you come from?

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- [Miguel] I come from San Juan,

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Puerto Rico in the middle
of the Caribbean Sea.

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- [Interviewer] Tell me what it\'s like?

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- [Miguel] Well, it\'s a tropical Island.

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It\'s not very big.

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It\'s all very lush and very lovely.

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- [Interviewer] Do you have any family?

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- [Miguel] Yes, my parents of course.

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I have an older brother
who\'s getting married now.

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And I have a sister who\'s 26
and I just found out yesterday,

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she\'s gonna have a baby.

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(Miguel chuckling)
- How exciting.

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- [Miguel] This is the third for her,

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which is really good.

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(relaxing ominous music)

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(Nylda sighing)

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- I\'m gonna backtrack
all the way to the moment

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when

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someone called and told me,

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I don\'t know who called me,

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who told me that Miguel had died.

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I met my parents in Puerto
Rico for the funeral.

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It was sad to know that Robert was there.

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My mom wasn\'t too happy about it,

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but papi insisted that
it was the right thing

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for Robert to be there.

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But he just kept off to one side.

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I don\'t remember him being part

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of our group for some reason.

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So that was it.

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And we said goodbye and we went home

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and we never saw or
heard from Robert again.

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- [Cecilia] What do you think
has happened to Robert now?

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- I have no idea.

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I don\'t remember his last name.

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And everybody that I\'ve asked,

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nobody remembers his last name.

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(relaxing ominous music)

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(film reel clicking)

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- And tell them, look,

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we\'re gonna get to the serious part here.

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(film reel clicking)

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(video fast forward humming)

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I think we\'ve reached a point

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where there\'s a new morality involved.

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It\'s like, God,

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when is it gonna happen?

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(video fast forward humming)

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(relaxing ominous music)

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(video rewind humming)

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(ominous base violin music)

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(keyboard clicking)

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(message reply beeping)

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- Okay, Christmas Eve
I\'m at my parents\' house.

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And I look on Facebook and
I see a group of my friends,

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and they\'re discussing
this film about Miguel.

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(keyboard clicking)

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I went into shock.

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I read it and then I closed
it up and I refused to talk,

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to see it.

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So I called Bob, right.

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I call him in California and I say, Bob,

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go to Facebook now.

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And he goes, what do
you mean go to Facebook?

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I\'m not on Facebook.

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I go, go to the computer now and

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hit Cecilia Aldarondo.

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Hit Miguel Dieppa.

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So he Googles it and he gets this

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and he starts, oh my God,

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you know, freaking out.

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And I said,

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she\'s doing a film.

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And he goes, well, what is it about?

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I said, you should call her.

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You should call her.

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She\'s looking for you.

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She\'s looking for you.

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And says, okay, I\'m gonna call her.

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(relaxing music)

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(phone audible ringing tone)

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- [Robert] Hello?

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- [Cecilia] Hi, Is this Robert?

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- [Robert] How are you?

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- [Cecilia] I\'m good, I mean,

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I\'m a little shocked

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- [Robert] I\'ve often wondered how long it

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would take someone to reach me.

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I kept it in the background purposely.

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- [Cecilia] Really?

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- [Robert] Yes, I did.

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- [Cecilia] To get this
message in this way is

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absolutely...
- A dream come true.

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- [Robert] I feel vindicated, finally.

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- [Cecilia] My whole
family is gonna be thrilled

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to hear about this,

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including my mother, really.
- Well, I find that hard

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to believe about your
mother because she was so

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nasty to me,

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I can\'t believe it.

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I was always the outcast, you know.

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I was the devil.

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I was the person who made him turn gay

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and all this kind of stuff.

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Miguel was my best friend,

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the best friend I ever had in my life.

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And when he died it
punched a hole in my heart.

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Oh my God, I can\'t believe this.

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This is too much.

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There\'s so much to talk about.

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What did you wanna know?

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(relaxing guitar music)

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(telephone dial tone peeping)

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(phone audible ringing tone)

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(vehicles humming by)

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- [Robert] Father Aquin.

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- [Cecilia] Hi, it\'s Cecilia,

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I\'m downstairs.
- I\'ll be right down,

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sweetheart.
- Okay.

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(Robert speaking in Spanish)

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- [Cecilia] It\'s really great to meet you.

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- [Robert] Oh my God.

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- You all right?
- Yeah.

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(Cecilia chuckling)

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This sofa, you sink into it.

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- [Cecilia] Are you comfortable?

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- Yes, very.

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- [Cecilia] So you have
some things to show me?

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- Yes.

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- [Cecilia] Where do you wanna start?

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- I don\'t know, actually.

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Yeah, I think I\'ll start here.

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- [Cecilia] Maybe first, before we start,

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can you talk a little bit
about what all this is?

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- These are very, very...
my memories of him.

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This is why I kept them.

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These were very personal memories to me.

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- [Cecilia] Well, let\'s sort
of start at the beginning.

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I wanna know...
- How we met?

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- [Cecilia] Yeah, how\'d you meet Miguel?

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- Well, I was with four friends
at a gay bar in Manhattan,

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and we were sitting at,

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they had little tables.

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And it was George and Harry
and I can remember their names

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but they all passed away from AIDS,

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all of them.

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And Michael came in and he
just came over to the table.

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He said, what\'s so funny over here?

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And I said, well,

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we\'re just having a good time.

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Do you want to join us?

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And he said, sure.

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So he sat down with us and
we just blossomed from there.

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Michael and I had a
relationship from \'75 till \'87.

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It\'s a long time,

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longer than people thought.

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This is Mike and I.

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There\'s my red glasses.

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I had every color of the rainbow.

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I had to be for Sally Jesse Raphael.

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Michael hated those red
glasses on me, he did.

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That was at his graduation.

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They didn\'t know I was there.

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I was in the back.

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What they don\'t know didn\'t hurt them.

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This is the last time
he went to the island,

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right before he died.

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He went at Christmas time.

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That was the only Christmas
we did not spend together.

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- [Cecilia] When I first
met Aquin he had a box

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of Miguel\'s things.

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The material remains
of Miguel\'s other life.

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(relaxing ominous music)

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♪ You\'re always grateful ♪

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♪ You\'re always wondering ♪

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♪ What life had been ♪

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♪ As she walks in ♪

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♪ And still you\'re sorry ♪

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♪ And still you\'re grateful ♪

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- [Cecilia] In that box, Miguel\'s wallet.

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It had all the standard things in it.

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ID cards, credit cards.

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But in this wallet I
found a troubling detail.

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No one in my family called him Michael.

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Who was this Michael?

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- He didn\'t wanna be called Miguel.

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He wanted to be called Michael.

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I said, okay.

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- [Cecilia] why do you think that was?

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- Because he didn\'t wanna be
associated with his parents.

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At that point, when he first moved,

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when I first met him he was
really angry at his parents,

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really angry at his parents.

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- [Cecilia] Did Miguel ever
talk about leaving Puerto Rico,

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like what it felt like
not to be there anymore?

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- [Robert] Never spoke about it.

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- [Cecilia] So these are
the plays he was writing?

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- [Robert] One\'s \"Carmen who\".

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One\'s \"Carmen and The Lady
in the Tutti-Frutti Hat\".

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What\'s the other one?

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\"Flowers from the Americas\".
- Flowers from the Americas\".

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So do you feel equally
attached to all of these?

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- Mhmm, if you promise that
you\'re gonna publish those,

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if you promise me in
writing with your signature.

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- [Cecilia] But what if I can\'t?

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- Well, do you want to publish them?

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- [Cecilia] I don\'t even
know what\'s in them.

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- It\'s stories, they\'re beautiful.

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Did you not see how beautifully he wrote?

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Look at his writing.

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(relaxing ominous music)

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- [Miguel] Island fever,
I guess that\'s a diagnosis

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for my case.

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\"I know it\'s not on your regular
lists of Tropic diseases,\"

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as Sondheim is so fond of saying,

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but I understand it now.

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It\'s that feeling that creeps up on those

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who have known wider
spaces or long to do so.

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It is a fear that one\'s brain
will be surrounded by water

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if one stays here too long.

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Those who are not natives
and catch island fever

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either leave and return to
the mainland where they stay

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and become alcoholics.

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Those who are can expect
a fate worse than death.

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They move to New York.

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(birds chirping)

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- [Cecilia] Small places like
Puerto Rico have a special way

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of making you crazy.

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I\'ve seen it all my life.

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Everyone wanting to leave,

00:17:20.171 --> 00:17:22.754
everyone wishing they\'d stayed.

00:17:25.579 --> 00:17:27.793
As long as I\'ve known it,

00:17:27.794 --> 00:17:31.377
Puerto Rico has seemed
to be a place caught

00:17:33.915 --> 00:17:38.628
between the pressure to
develop on the one hand,

00:17:38.629 --> 00:17:40.796
to be like the Americans,

00:17:42.035 --> 00:17:44.690
and on the other hand,

00:17:44.691 --> 00:17:47.691
an anxiety to cling to the old ways,

00:17:49.116 --> 00:17:51.533
to take refuge in the church,

00:17:55.000 --> 00:17:57.750
to insist on the power of family.

00:18:00.539 --> 00:18:03.789
Miguel grew up in a schizophrenic place

00:18:05.073 --> 00:18:07.635
but when he got to New York,

00:18:07.636 --> 00:18:10.303
I don\'t think he left it behind.

00:18:12.265 --> 00:18:15.265
A little while ago I found a letter,

00:18:16.689 --> 00:18:19.037
not in Aquin\'s box,

00:18:19.038 --> 00:18:21.871
but among my grandmother\'s things.

00:18:23.014 --> 00:18:26.810
Miguel wrote it years after he left home.

00:18:26.811 --> 00:18:30.228
(relaxing ominous music)

00:18:42.467 --> 00:18:44.634
Who did Miguel want to be?

00:18:45.701 --> 00:18:47.118
The straight guy,

00:18:48.285 --> 00:18:52.186
the Puerto Rican with
no discernible accent?

00:18:52.187 --> 00:18:55.187
(crickets chirping)

00:18:56.139 --> 00:18:59.858
How can you know who you are if the place

00:18:59.859 --> 00:19:03.174
where you\'re coming from
doesn\'t even know what it is?

00:19:03.175 --> 00:19:06.258
(crickets chirping)

00:19:08.425 --> 00:19:11.628
- [Interviewer] Okay Miguel,
I want you to tell me

00:19:11.629 --> 00:19:13.033
how long have you been here?

00:19:13.034 --> 00:19:14.550
- [Miguel] Well, I\'ve
been in the mainland since

00:19:14.551 --> 00:19:15.968
around 1972, \'73.

00:19:17.338 --> 00:19:20.613
So that\'s about six years now.

00:19:20.614 --> 00:19:21.551
- [Interviewer] Tell me a little bit

00:19:21.552 --> 00:19:23.509
about things that you\'re interested in?

00:19:23.510 --> 00:19:26.183
- [Miguel] Well, besides theater,

00:19:26.184 --> 00:19:27.156
I mean, besides the obvious,

00:19:27.157 --> 00:19:28.585
I\'m into theater, okay.

00:19:28.586 --> 00:19:30.082
(people laughing)

00:19:30.083 --> 00:19:32.666
(upbeat music)

00:19:42.447 --> 00:19:46.280
- My relation to Miguel
or I call him Michael,

00:19:47.759 --> 00:19:51.592
we were neighbors on
62nd Street in the 1980s.

00:19:52.766 --> 00:19:56.786
I really felt like Bob and Michael were

00:19:56.787 --> 00:19:58.076
my mother, my father,

00:19:58.077 --> 00:20:00.151
my brother, my cousins.

00:20:00.152 --> 00:20:05.005
They were all kinds of
people in my life as family.

00:20:05.006 --> 00:20:08.288
It was a very artsy
group once Michael came

00:20:08.289 --> 00:20:09.297
into the picture.

00:20:09.298 --> 00:20:11.348
There were dancers. They were artists.

00:20:11.349 --> 00:20:13.385
Edith Beale used to live in the building.

00:20:13.386 --> 00:20:15.109
I don\'t know if you\'ve
heard about Edith Beale,

00:20:15.110 --> 00:20:16.096
Grey Gardens, yeah.

00:20:16.097 --> 00:20:19.615
Little Edie, she lived on the fifth floor.

00:20:19.616 --> 00:20:20.699
She knew Bob.

00:20:21.666 --> 00:20:22.540
Robert.

00:20:22.541 --> 00:20:23.575
(Shane laughing)

00:20:23.576 --> 00:20:24.785
She\'d go, Robert.

00:20:24.786 --> 00:20:26.759
She had a crush on Bob.

00:20:26.760 --> 00:20:29.343
(upbeat music)

00:20:32.989 --> 00:20:33.989
- Miguel was

00:20:35.220 --> 00:20:36.805
a mentor,

00:20:36.806 --> 00:20:38.900
a friend, a brother.

00:20:38.901 --> 00:20:41.323
He\'d have an idea that let\'s do a show.

00:20:41.324 --> 00:20:42.375
And next thing you know,

00:20:42.376 --> 00:20:44.769
Miguel\'s directing and producing
and we\'re all involved.

00:20:44.770 --> 00:20:46.242
And it was all Miguel.

00:20:46.243 --> 00:20:47.835
- [Lourdes] He lived
and breathed the theater

00:20:47.836 --> 00:20:49.880
and he wanted to share that.

00:20:49.881 --> 00:20:52.895
- [Robert] Michael was
just pure fun with me.

00:20:52.896 --> 00:20:55.915
We laughed until we
couldn\'t laugh anymore.

00:20:55.916 --> 00:20:58.385
My sides used to hurt from laughing.

00:20:58.386 --> 00:21:02.822
We would smoke grass and
we would laugh and laugh.

00:21:02.823 --> 00:21:06.039
We\'d smoke before his
father came one time.

00:21:06.040 --> 00:21:07.544
I\'ll never forget it.

00:21:07.545 --> 00:21:08.805
- [Cecilia] Did you do drugs together?

00:21:08.806 --> 00:21:11.139
- Yeah.
- What kind of drugs?

00:21:12.184 --> 00:21:16.684
- Well, Miguel and I had a
fondness for pot back then.

00:21:17.691 --> 00:21:19.809
And then they sort of introduced, well,

00:21:19.810 --> 00:21:21.902
I had been introduced
to cocaine before then.

00:21:21.903 --> 00:21:24.511
C\'mon it\'s the early
\'80s in New York City.

00:21:24.512 --> 00:21:28.316
Bob worked at bars and he
would get tipped in drugs.

00:21:28.317 --> 00:21:31.574
So he would come home from work and, hey,

00:21:31.575 --> 00:21:33.263
surprise, look what I got tipped.

00:21:33.264 --> 00:21:36.923
- [Shane] And Michael was
sort of the patriarch.

00:21:36.924 --> 00:21:41.340
He kind of held the group
together and held Bob together.

00:21:41.341 --> 00:21:44.758
(relaxing ominous music)

00:21:45.691 --> 00:21:48.712
- Well, this is a gift
that Michael gave me.

00:21:48.713 --> 00:21:49.704
This was cute.

00:21:49.705 --> 00:21:51.567
This is really cute.

00:21:51.568 --> 00:21:54.985
(relaxing ominous music)

00:22:06.508 --> 00:22:08.787
There was nothing I wouldn\'t
do for him, nothing.

00:22:08.788 --> 00:22:10.519
I told him a million times.

00:22:10.520 --> 00:22:11.353
You name it,

00:22:11.354 --> 00:22:12.909
I would jump off the bridge for you.

00:22:12.910 --> 00:22:15.527
I would jump with you, without you.

00:22:15.528 --> 00:22:16.826
This he gave to me.

00:22:16.827 --> 00:22:18.939
He wrote that in the hospital bed.

00:22:18.940 --> 00:22:21.093
Everything he had had hearts on it.

00:22:21.094 --> 00:22:24.350
I love you to the moon and back.

00:22:24.351 --> 00:22:26.335
Michael always used to tell me that.

00:22:26.336 --> 00:22:28.520
He always told me that.

00:22:28.521 --> 00:22:31.938
(relaxing ominous music)

00:22:34.821 --> 00:22:37.591
- [Lourdes] There was so
much love and devotion.

00:22:37.592 --> 00:22:41.303
They had their arguments but
they had a good relationship

00:22:41.304 --> 00:22:43.285
and they loved one another.

00:22:43.286 --> 00:22:44.286
Whether,

00:22:45.577 --> 00:22:47.799
the intimacies of the relationship,

00:22:47.800 --> 00:22:49.467
I really don\'t know.

00:22:50.744 --> 00:22:54.206
- It was a very short-lived
sexual relationship, trust me.

00:22:54.207 --> 00:22:55.700
I said, you have to be,

00:22:55.701 --> 00:22:56.881
you are young,

00:22:56.882 --> 00:22:58.836
you have to let out your feelings.

00:22:58.837 --> 00:23:01.492
Go out, go have a good time.

00:23:01.493 --> 00:23:02.628
I\'ll be here.

00:23:02.629 --> 00:23:04.511
I\'m not going anywhere.

00:23:04.512 --> 00:23:05.847
I don\'t care what you do

00:23:05.848 --> 00:23:08.476
but don\'t ever bring a
sexual partner back here.

00:23:08.477 --> 00:23:12.073
- He had a lot of freedom
because Bob worked nights,

00:23:12.074 --> 00:23:13.901
to be whoever he wanted to be.

00:23:13.902 --> 00:23:17.319
And a lot of relationships are like that,

00:23:18.841 --> 00:23:22.741
especially, I think in the male community.

00:23:22.742 --> 00:23:24.213
- He was a creature of the nights,

00:23:24.214 --> 00:23:25.055
I called him,

00:23:25.056 --> 00:23:27.682
because he went out at night as gay bars,

00:23:27.683 --> 00:23:31.335
down into the village to the leather bars

00:23:31.336 --> 00:23:33.453
and then he came home.

00:23:33.454 --> 00:23:36.176
He was into the dark side.

00:23:36.177 --> 00:23:38.060
He really was.

00:23:38.061 --> 00:23:41.504
- Michael would get
dressed up in, you know,

00:23:41.505 --> 00:23:43.688
not leather like he\'s
gonna beat somebody up,

00:23:43.689 --> 00:23:46.251
but like he was going downtown.

00:23:46.252 --> 00:23:48.827
He was going where the real people were.

00:23:48.828 --> 00:23:53.091
So he\'d wear his leather
jacket, his boots.

00:23:53.092 --> 00:23:56.365
But I wouldn\'t say that
he was walking around

00:23:56.366 --> 00:23:58.992
with chaps and all this other stuff.

00:23:58.993 --> 00:24:00.285
He may have, I don\'t know.

00:24:00.286 --> 00:24:01.601
- [Cecilia] What would he wear?

00:24:01.602 --> 00:24:04.918
- Leather chaps and
jacket and a cap and boots

00:24:04.919 --> 00:24:07.219
and all that kind of stuff.

00:24:07.220 --> 00:24:10.157
- I guess I knew Michael by day.

00:24:10.158 --> 00:24:13.757
(countdown beeping)

00:24:13.758 --> 00:24:17.110
- I\'m a bachelor so it\'s
completely different for me.

00:24:17.111 --> 00:24:18.909
- You have close friends.
- I have close friends

00:24:18.910 --> 00:24:20.096
and my family.

00:24:20.097 --> 00:24:22.580
(Robert chuckling)

00:24:22.581 --> 00:24:24.060
- It\'s so Miguel.

00:24:24.061 --> 00:24:25.468
- [Cecilia] Why do you say that?

00:24:25.469 --> 00:24:26.442
- It\'s what he was.

00:24:26.443 --> 00:24:29.775
He was homophobic about himself, he was.

00:24:30.876 --> 00:24:33.911
And he played such a
straight role during the day,

00:24:33.912 --> 00:24:35.800
especially at Lobar Friedman.

00:24:35.801 --> 00:24:37.248
So I would go meet him
for lunch occasionally.

00:24:37.249 --> 00:24:39.724
He\'d say, don\'t wait for me outside here.

00:24:39.725 --> 00:24:41.487
I said, you crazy,

00:24:41.488 --> 00:24:43.946
do I look gay to you?

00:24:43.947 --> 00:24:47.719
- [Lourdes] At the time that
he and Miguel were together,

00:24:47.720 --> 00:24:51.535
Bob was a bartender living the gay life.

00:24:51.536 --> 00:24:54.286
- He was kind of vocal about his,

00:24:55.544 --> 00:24:57.300
at that point it almost felt

00:24:57.301 --> 00:25:01.448
like a rebellious thing against religion.

00:25:01.449 --> 00:25:06.082
He would even on the street
do cat calls to the nuns.

00:25:06.083 --> 00:25:07.999
He\'d whistle at them and stuff.

00:25:08.000 --> 00:25:10.399
- And I\'d be a little Catholic by going,

00:25:10.400 --> 00:25:11.320
what are you doing that for?

00:25:11.320 --> 00:25:12.160
Stop whistling at the nuns.

00:25:12.161 --> 00:25:14.694
He goes, ah they\'re hypocrites.

00:25:14.695 --> 00:25:15.591
I\'m like, what? And he goes,

00:25:15.591 --> 00:25:16.424
I can say that,

00:25:16.425 --> 00:25:17.958
I was a monk.

00:25:17.959 --> 00:25:21.126
(vehicles humming by)

00:25:22.404 --> 00:25:24.654
- I became a priest in 1967

00:25:27.768 --> 00:25:29.601
and I left about 1974.

00:25:31.970 --> 00:25:33.046
I kept my faith.

00:25:33.047 --> 00:25:34.292
I never gave it up.

00:25:34.293 --> 00:25:35.982
I\'d live my daily prayers.

00:25:35.983 --> 00:25:38.478
I did everything I normally
did in the monastery.

00:25:38.479 --> 00:25:41.917
I found comfort in prayer, I did.

00:25:41.918 --> 00:25:45.266
- So did my grandmother.
- I know. I know.

00:25:45.267 --> 00:25:48.475
But she took it to another
level is what she did.

00:25:48.476 --> 00:25:52.200
- [Cecilia] I wanna share
something that I found with you

00:25:52.201 --> 00:25:55.368
which is a letter from my grandmother.

00:25:57.546 --> 00:26:00.080
She wrote this letter
and this was actually,

00:26:00.081 --> 00:26:02.331
it\'s dated July 28th, 1987.

00:26:03.280 --> 00:26:06.530
So this was three months after he died.

00:26:08.315 --> 00:26:10.310
- Dear brother in Christ.

00:26:10.311 --> 00:26:12.570
He had been living a
life away from the Lord

00:26:12.571 --> 00:26:14.904
during the past seven years.

00:26:15.819 --> 00:26:17.922
She knew it then.

00:26:17.923 --> 00:26:21.065
But I always knew that
Christ\'s love for him

00:26:21.066 --> 00:26:23.316
was even greater than mine.

00:26:24.735 --> 00:26:28.007
I was with him during the
last months of his illness.

00:26:28.008 --> 00:26:29.706
He died from cancer.

00:26:29.707 --> 00:26:31.006
That\'s a lie.

00:26:31.007 --> 00:26:33.241
He died from AIDS,

00:26:33.242 --> 00:26:34.242
he did.

00:26:36.587 --> 00:26:37.587
He had AIDS.

00:26:39.783 --> 00:26:42.533
(Robert sighing)

00:26:49.025 --> 00:26:51.268
And I saw God\'s glory the day he repented

00:26:51.269 --> 00:26:53.186
and asked for a priest.

00:26:54.808 --> 00:26:56.555
She has such a twisted,

00:26:56.556 --> 00:26:57.973
contorted view of

00:26:58.941 --> 00:27:02.855
gay people and what God is and hatred.

00:27:02.856 --> 00:27:04.355
God doesn\'t hate.

00:27:04.356 --> 00:27:06.273
God is the God of love.

00:27:07.416 --> 00:27:10.415
(Robert sighing)

00:27:10.416 --> 00:27:14.916
(cassette taping clicking into player)

00:27:16.500 --> 00:27:21.500
(Carmen hosting radio program in Spanish)

00:27:47.997 --> 00:27:51.664
- [Cecilia] My grandmother
was the spiritual center

00:27:51.665 --> 00:27:52.748
of my family.

00:27:54.543 --> 00:27:58.043
Everything I learned about how to be good,

00:27:59.347 --> 00:28:00.930
I learned from her.

00:28:02.955 --> 00:28:04.899
When I was 15,

00:28:04.900 --> 00:28:06.317
I helped her die.

00:28:08.570 --> 00:28:10.279
And when she died,

00:28:10.280 --> 00:28:13.315
everyone who knew her said,

00:28:13.316 --> 00:28:14.899
there goes a saint.

00:28:22.170 --> 00:28:25.003
(paper rustling)

00:28:26.705 --> 00:28:31.705
[Nylda] My mother was brought
up to be a good Catholic woman

00:28:31.990 --> 00:28:34.351
and to be a faithful servant.

00:28:34.352 --> 00:28:36.935
And she lived and died by that.

00:28:42.009 --> 00:28:46.342
(Rosa speaking in Spanish)

00:28:51.433 --> 00:28:54.580
- [Nylda] When she was a
teenager she had an ear infection

00:28:54.581 --> 00:28:56.831
and she was very, very ill.

00:28:58.315 --> 00:29:02.140
The nuns were praying for
her and her mother promised

00:29:02.141 --> 00:29:06.847
that if she survived that
she would never walk again.

00:29:06.848 --> 00:29:10.700
So the next morning when
the doctor came he found

00:29:10.701 --> 00:29:12.241
that my mother was cured,

00:29:12.242 --> 00:29:15.910
that there was no remnants
of the illness in her,

00:29:15.911 --> 00:29:18.494
and he proclaimed it a miracle.

00:29:19.646 --> 00:29:23.478
So my grandmother never walked again

00:29:23.479 --> 00:29:27.062
and my mother lived to
feel guilty for that

00:29:29.028 --> 00:29:31.736
and to be the best
daughter that she could be

00:29:31.737 --> 00:29:34.324
because her mother had given
up something very important

00:29:34.325 --> 00:29:36.217
for her life.

00:29:36.218 --> 00:29:38.135
She owed her that much.

00:29:40.234 --> 00:29:43.644
And she owed God for saving her life.

00:29:43.645 --> 00:29:47.062
(dramatic ominous music)

00:29:48.786 --> 00:29:51.953
(church bell chiming)

00:30:02.552 --> 00:30:05.135
(wind howling)

00:30:13.002 --> 00:30:14.430
- [Carmen Voiceover]
Holy virgin of virgins,

00:30:14.431 --> 00:30:16.150
pray for us.

00:30:16.151 --> 00:30:18.984
Sorrowful mother, mournful mother,

00:30:20.010 --> 00:30:22.760
sighing mother, afflicted mother,

00:30:24.007 --> 00:30:27.757
forsaken mother, mother
overwhelmed by grief,

00:30:28.810 --> 00:30:32.069
mother crucified in thy heart,

00:30:32.070 --> 00:30:34.320
mother bereaved of thy son.

00:30:36.983 --> 00:30:39.650
(ominous music)

00:30:49.883 --> 00:30:54.883
(Carmen voiceover speaking in Spanish)

00:31:52.959 --> 00:31:57.376
(Titi speaking in Spanish)

00:32:09.499 --> 00:32:13.365
- He was in a very difficult situation.

00:32:13.366 --> 00:32:17.666
He had his own beliefs and he had to argue

00:32:17.667 --> 00:32:19.235
with my mother all the time.

00:32:19.236 --> 00:32:21.498
And I know there was no arguing with her.

00:32:21.499 --> 00:32:24.952
(relaxing guitar music)

00:32:24.953 --> 00:32:29.453
(Miguel voiceover speaking in Spanish)

00:32:31.151 --> 00:32:35.651
(Carmen voiceover speaking in Spanish)

00:32:37.489 --> 00:32:42.072
(Miguel voiceover speaking in Spanish)

00:32:47.631 --> 00:32:50.851
- [Carmen] The universality
of spiritual warfare,

00:32:50.852 --> 00:32:53.114
I am the resurrection and the life.

00:32:53.115 --> 00:32:55.041
The enemy is active in,

00:32:55.042 --> 00:32:56.585
one, growth of cults.

00:32:56.586 --> 00:32:58.882
Two, pornography. Three, sex crimes

00:32:58.883 --> 00:33:00.972
Four, abortion. Pleasure.

00:33:00.973 --> 00:33:02.660
Five, denial of God.

00:33:02.661 --> 00:33:04.273
If you lay down your defenses,

00:33:04.274 --> 00:33:06.350
you are in the hands of the enemy.

00:33:06.351 --> 00:33:11.351
(Miguel voiceover speaking in Spanish)

00:33:23.584 --> 00:33:27.251
- [Shane] He wanted to be
an adult who was accepted

00:33:27.252 --> 00:33:31.234
in a relationship with
somebody he loved very much.

00:33:31.235 --> 00:33:34.473
- [Nylda] For mommy, you
know... there was no...

00:33:34.474 --> 00:33:36.724
she had no hate for Robert.

00:33:37.776 --> 00:33:39.314
She was frustrated.

00:33:39.315 --> 00:33:41.232
She was probably angry.

00:33:43.011 --> 00:33:45.928
But she didn\'t wish him bad things.

00:33:46.931 --> 00:33:49.600
She wanted his soul to be saved.

00:33:49.601 --> 00:33:54.101
She wanted all the souls to
be saved for Jesus Christ.

00:33:55.164 --> 00:33:57.229
- [Cecilia] Don\'t you think
that\'s quite possibly a form

00:33:57.230 --> 00:33:58.563
of hate, though?

00:34:03.181 --> 00:34:05.346
- I can\'t go there.

00:34:05.347 --> 00:34:07.167
- They hated me, they really did.

00:34:07.168 --> 00:34:08.335
They hated me.

00:34:09.441 --> 00:34:10.674
When I tell you they hated me,

00:34:10.675 --> 00:34:12.425
I mean they hated me.

00:34:14.666 --> 00:34:16.170
And this is your mother, wasn\'t it?

00:34:16.171 --> 00:34:17.958
And he cut her off.

00:34:17.959 --> 00:34:19.709
He cut her out of it.

00:34:20.690 --> 00:34:22.190
See her leg there?

00:34:24.324 --> 00:34:25.741
- And who cut it?

00:34:26.826 --> 00:34:29.902
Did Robert cut it or did Miguel cut it?

00:34:29.903 --> 00:34:31.736
I think Robert cut it.

00:34:33.312 --> 00:34:34.653
- [Cecilia] He didn\'t say that.

00:34:34.654 --> 00:34:37.164
- He said Miguel cut it?

00:34:37.165 --> 00:34:41.665
He wants to have Miguel to
himself and have his memory

00:34:42.790 --> 00:34:44.957
be what he wants it to be.

00:34:46.779 --> 00:34:48.446
I have this picture.

00:34:49.862 --> 00:34:51.577
I have a copy of this picture.

00:34:51.578 --> 00:34:53.245
That\'s my leg there.

00:34:55.191 --> 00:34:59.458
I really was so into your
father and my relationship

00:34:59.459 --> 00:35:04.040
with him that I had no
time for anybody else.

00:35:04.041 --> 00:35:07.082
So he must\'ve felt abandoned by me.

00:35:07.083 --> 00:35:08.836
- [Cecilia] How do you feel
knowing that this happened

00:35:08.837 --> 00:35:11.933
between your mother and your brother?

00:35:11.934 --> 00:35:13.371
- I think that\'s terrible.

00:35:13.372 --> 00:35:16.539
I think it should never have happened.

00:35:17.954 --> 00:35:22.362
I mean, I would\'ve said
something if I had been there.

00:35:22.363 --> 00:35:24.217
- [Cecilia] And where were you?

00:35:24.218 --> 00:35:26.743
- I told you where I was.

00:35:26.744 --> 00:35:30.180
I was just focusing on my home life

00:35:30.181 --> 00:35:32.796
with my kids and my marriage

00:35:32.797 --> 00:35:36.047
and I couldn\'t deal with anything else.

00:35:38.666 --> 00:35:40.799
I wasn\'t there to back him up

00:35:40.800 --> 00:35:43.402
or to have his back or whatever.

00:35:43.403 --> 00:35:46.745
But that doesn\'t mean
that I was condemning him.

00:35:46.746 --> 00:35:49.004
- [Cecilia] Miguel thought you were.

00:35:49.005 --> 00:35:50.505
- He thought I was

00:35:51.963 --> 00:35:54.470
but he didn\'t tell me that.

00:35:54.471 --> 00:35:56.587
He never said that to my face,

00:35:56.588 --> 00:35:59.973
either in a private conversation
or in a letter or anything.

00:35:59.974 --> 00:36:01.789
He never said that to me.

00:36:01.790 --> 00:36:04.797
(relaxing base violin music)

00:36:04.798 --> 00:36:07.725
- [Miguel Voiceover] Dear
sister, love is not spiteful,

00:36:07.726 --> 00:36:10.430
contemptuous or defiant.

00:36:10.431 --> 00:36:12.578
You can\'t let it trickle now and then.

00:36:12.579 --> 00:36:16.609
Withholding it is punishment
for not being normal.

00:36:16.610 --> 00:36:17.898
The truth of the matter is

00:36:17.899 --> 00:36:20.335
that if you loved me whole heartedly you

00:36:20.336 --> 00:36:23.057
would be mocking everything you stand for.

00:36:23.058 --> 00:36:25.532
So if you say that you
love me despite the fact

00:36:25.533 --> 00:36:28.058
that I\'m gay and despite the
fact that I won\'t go along

00:36:28.059 --> 00:36:29.500
with your religious beliefs,

00:36:29.501 --> 00:36:33.115
then you\'re saying your
love is incomplete.

00:36:33.116 --> 00:36:34.093
And believe me,

00:36:34.094 --> 00:36:36.926
I don\'t love you despite anything.

00:36:38.221 --> 00:36:41.056
Though honestly, I still resent the fact

00:36:41.057 --> 00:36:43.038
that I was never asked to be a godparent

00:36:43.039 --> 00:36:46.789
to one of your children,
and we both know why.

00:36:49.183 --> 00:36:51.366
- [Nylda] He took it personally.

00:36:51.367 --> 00:36:55.060
He took it as a personal rejection of him.

00:36:55.061 --> 00:36:56.777
He was ignorant.

00:36:56.778 --> 00:37:00.320
He had no idea what I was going through.

00:37:00.321 --> 00:37:04.455
I think he\'s putting on
me a lot of those things

00:37:04.456 --> 00:37:06.206
that belong to mommy.

00:37:07.662 --> 00:37:11.303
Because I never felt
that clearly the black

00:37:11.304 --> 00:37:13.361
and white thing that she did.

00:37:13.362 --> 00:37:17.862
I was never totally sure
that homosexuality was a sin.

00:37:21.691 --> 00:37:26.086
But at the same time I
had to protect my child.

00:37:26.087 --> 00:37:27.754
It was just in case.

00:37:30.942 --> 00:37:34.785
There\'s a lot of
responsibility to lay around,

00:37:34.786 --> 00:37:37.790
a lot of blame to lay around.

00:37:37.791 --> 00:37:39.109
And the saddest thing is

00:37:39.110 --> 00:37:42.300
that my father couldn\'t
stand up to my mother

00:37:42.301 --> 00:37:46.182
and that\'s why he cried
so much before he died,

00:37:46.183 --> 00:37:49.683
for not having the guts to defend his son.

00:37:51.012 --> 00:37:54.512
Because he knew things that I didn\'t know.

00:37:59.391 --> 00:38:01.974
(upbeat music)

00:38:07.722 --> 00:38:11.675
♪ When I\'m sitting home ♪

00:38:11.676 --> 00:38:15.616
♪ And I\'m all alone ♪

00:38:15.617 --> 00:38:18.724
♪ I just don\'t hear no phone ♪

00:38:18.725 --> 00:38:21.587
♪ I need a hot ♪

00:38:21.588 --> 00:38:25.588
(ominous flute music)

00:38:53.460 --> 00:38:54.985
- [Shane] I\'m trying to remember where,

00:38:54.986 --> 00:38:56.764
how I heard this?
- I think it was Miguel

00:38:56.765 --> 00:38:58.081
or someone close to him.

00:38:58.082 --> 00:38:59.193
But I think it was Miguel.
- I don\'t know if I heard it

00:38:59.194 --> 00:39:02.700
from Bob or I actually
heard it from Michael.

00:39:02.701 --> 00:39:05.083
- [Rick] I remember him
telling me a story about...

00:39:05.084 --> 00:39:07.276
- [Shane] What I heard
was that Michael walked

00:39:07.277 --> 00:39:09.947
into a bar in Puerto
Rico and saw his father.

00:39:09.948 --> 00:39:11.721
- [Lourdes] I heard that there was a bar

00:39:11.722 --> 00:39:14.187
that we would frequent
that was called Bachelors.

00:39:14.188 --> 00:39:15.611
- [Ricky] And he said that
he walked into that gay bar

00:39:15.612 --> 00:39:16.772
and he saw his dad.

00:39:16.773 --> 00:39:18.962
- [Lourdes] And saw your
grandfather kissing another man.

00:39:18.963 --> 00:39:21.259
- [Ricky] And when he saw
his dad in that gay bar

00:39:21.260 --> 00:39:23.344
that there was a reckoning.

00:39:23.345 --> 00:39:25.689
- [Shane] I don\'t remember
whether Michael got up

00:39:25.690 --> 00:39:27.997
and walked out or Jorge
got up and walked out.

00:39:27.998 --> 00:39:31.748
- [Ricky] And it kind
of blew his world apart.

00:39:31.749 --> 00:39:34.916
(ominous flute music)

00:39:40.077 --> 00:39:43.538
(Titi speaking in Spanish)

00:39:43.539 --> 00:39:47.885
(Cecilia speaking in Spanish)

00:39:47.886 --> 00:39:52.219
(Titi speaking in Spanish)

00:40:11.769 --> 00:40:14.936
(vehicles humming by)

00:40:21.910 --> 00:40:24.660
(birds chirping)

00:40:26.209 --> 00:40:27.209
- Okay.

00:40:28.774 --> 00:40:32.107
I met Jorge when I moved to Winter Park.

00:40:34.172 --> 00:40:35.725
Your grandfather was a nice man.

00:40:35.726 --> 00:40:39.120
He was a companion so
we did things together.

00:40:39.121 --> 00:40:40.880
We would go out to eat.

00:40:40.881 --> 00:40:43.964
We liked to go to the Macaroni Grill.

00:40:45.445 --> 00:40:48.956
And sometimes we would go out to the bars.

00:40:48.957 --> 00:40:50.764
- [Cecilia] To which bars?

00:40:50.765 --> 00:40:52.265
- To the gay bars.

00:40:54.301 --> 00:40:57.218
After your grandfather passed away,

00:40:58.373 --> 00:41:00.123
your mom told me that

00:41:02.013 --> 00:41:06.346
your grandfather kept
watching \"Brokeback Mountain\".

00:41:07.747 --> 00:41:11.640
And they had it on the video
and he kept watching it

00:41:11.641 --> 00:41:14.274
and every time he watched
it then he would cry.

00:41:14.275 --> 00:41:17.248
And so they were talking about that to me

00:41:17.249 --> 00:41:19.366
and I think it was your father who said,

00:41:19.367 --> 00:41:22.041
was there something there,

00:41:22.042 --> 00:41:24.364
wondering why he was crying?

00:41:24.365 --> 00:41:26.457
And I\'m not sure if
he\'s outright asking me

00:41:26.458 --> 00:41:30.041
if Jorge was gay or
not but I confirmed it.

00:41:33.643 --> 00:41:34.643
I know that

00:41:35.581 --> 00:41:40.581
he could never share who he
was totally with the family.

00:41:40.592 --> 00:41:41.650
But I used to tell him,

00:41:41.651 --> 00:41:45.151
I think that your family is your treasure.

00:41:46.410 --> 00:41:47.878
If you had the other life,

00:41:47.879 --> 00:41:52.073
what was gonna become of your other life?

00:41:52.074 --> 00:41:56.769
But the sad thing is that
your grandfather never shared

00:41:56.770 --> 00:41:59.520
with Miguel that he was gay also.

00:42:00.377 --> 00:42:04.109
And I think he felt
really badly about that

00:42:04.110 --> 00:42:08.417
but I don\'t think he
knew how to deal with it.

00:42:08.418 --> 00:42:12.918
- I think that he must have
felt really bad afterwards

00:42:14.184 --> 00:42:19.017
when he saw that movie the
\"Brokeback Mountain\" and he saw

00:42:20.374 --> 00:42:24.616
what a loving relationship
could be between two men.

00:42:24.617 --> 00:42:26.450
He must have wondered.

00:42:28.489 --> 00:42:31.725
He must have wondered so many things.

00:42:31.726 --> 00:42:33.965
You could say that he was a hypocrite,

00:42:33.966 --> 00:42:34.799
but then again,

00:42:34.800 --> 00:42:37.421
look where he\'s coming
from in his culture.

00:42:37.422 --> 00:42:41.003
He would have never had
the success he did in life

00:42:41.004 --> 00:42:43.069
if he had come out.

00:42:43.070 --> 00:42:46.107
He would have never become
the director of College Board.

00:42:46.108 --> 00:42:49.461
He would have never been received as well

00:42:49.462 --> 00:42:53.855
as he did throughout Latin
America and United States and

00:42:53.856 --> 00:42:55.604
wherever he went.

00:42:55.605 --> 00:42:57.605
- It was kept his secret

00:42:58.813 --> 00:43:01.460
and that was his choice.

00:43:01.461 --> 00:43:04.779
I mean, we all have some crazy secrets.

00:43:04.780 --> 00:43:07.438
Parents have secrets.
Children have secrets.

00:43:07.439 --> 00:43:11.856
And I think that maybe that
battle got so exaggerated

00:43:12.695 --> 00:43:17.445
because his father couldn\'t
handle the mirror of his son.

00:43:18.694 --> 00:43:23.027
(Titi speaking in Spanish)

00:43:57.077 --> 00:43:59.536
(Woman speaking in Spanish)

00:43:59.537 --> 00:44:01.657
(Jorge speaking in Spanish)

00:44:01.658 --> 00:44:03.325
(Woman speaking in Spanish)

00:44:03.326 --> 00:44:05.993
(Woman laughing)

00:44:08.337 --> 00:44:12.840
(Jorge speaking in Spanish)

00:44:12.841 --> 00:44:17.174
(Carmen paying in Spanish)

00:44:21.609 --> 00:44:25.026
(relaxing ominous music)

00:44:28.190 --> 00:44:30.440
- [Cecilia] My grandfather.

00:44:32.121 --> 00:44:35.391
The only way I really knew
him was through the hours

00:44:35.392 --> 00:44:39.225
and hours of movies that
he taped off the VCR.

00:44:44.471 --> 00:44:47.888
(rocket launch rumbling)

00:44:50.535 --> 00:44:53.118
(upbeat music)

00:45:01.281 --> 00:45:02.862
In the year before he died,

00:45:02.863 --> 00:45:05.113
he got weirdly sentimental.

00:45:07.186 --> 00:45:11.603
He would sit in front of my
mother\'s TV and just cry.

00:45:13.940 --> 00:45:17.940
It made it possible for
me to feel close to him.

00:45:18.819 --> 00:45:22.819
And so on the day of his
funeral I dug up a tape

00:45:25.782 --> 00:45:29.115
and I sat and watched
it in tribute to him.

00:45:41.223 --> 00:45:46.223
♪ And when you touch me you\'ll
understand what happiness is ♪

00:45:47.732 --> 00:45:51.399
♪ Look, a new day has begun ♪

00:46:03.830 --> 00:46:06.394
Now I think about him
crying over and over again

00:46:06.395 --> 00:46:08.534
while watching \"Brokeback Mountain\"

00:46:08.535 --> 00:46:12.702
and I think maybe he wanted
to keep this a secret.

00:46:15.925 --> 00:46:18.268
But what if he didn\'t?

00:46:18.269 --> 00:46:21.769
(relaxing ominous music)

00:46:46.753 --> 00:46:50.876
- [Schiffer] At the time that
Miguel came under my care

00:46:50.877 --> 00:46:54.161
was really the dawn of the AIDS epidemic,

00:46:54.162 --> 00:46:55.267
both in the country,

00:46:55.268 --> 00:46:57.508
but certainly here in New York City.

00:46:57.509 --> 00:46:58.587
And, of course,

00:46:58.588 --> 00:47:00.588
nobody knew what it was.

00:47:01.639 --> 00:47:04.639
One of the names of this new disease

00:47:06.244 --> 00:47:08.411
was Wrath of God syndrome.

00:47:10.366 --> 00:47:12.237
- [Shane] It was interpreted by the church

00:47:12.238 --> 00:47:14.821
that this was God\'s punishment.

00:47:16.210 --> 00:47:19.337
I think there was a
big period of time that

00:47:19.338 --> 00:47:21.617
that was what we deserved.

00:47:21.618 --> 00:47:23.529
(protestors screaming)

00:47:23.530 --> 00:47:25.385
- [Reporter] Homosexuals say AIDS victims

00:47:25.386 --> 00:47:26.992
are being discriminated against,

00:47:26.993 --> 00:47:30.022
evicted by landlords and
feared by health workers.

00:47:30.023 --> 00:47:32.356
- [Reporter] More controversial
are proposals to find

00:47:32.357 --> 00:47:35.124
and segregate those exposed to AIDS.

00:47:35.125 --> 00:47:36.790
- [Reporter] Ambulance
drivers have refused

00:47:36.791 --> 00:47:38.266
to take AIDS patients.

00:47:38.267 --> 00:47:39.635
- [Reporter] And hospital
workers have refused

00:47:39.636 --> 00:47:41.661
to take care of AIDS patients.

00:47:41.662 --> 00:47:43.563
- [Reporter] Every year for 15 years,

00:47:43.564 --> 00:47:45.430
the New York City Council has considered

00:47:45.431 --> 00:47:48.193
a homosexual rights bill
and then rejected it.

00:47:48.194 --> 00:47:50.562
Catholic leaders have gotten involved.

00:47:50.563 --> 00:47:52.244
- [Cardinal John] We strongly believe

00:47:52.245 --> 00:47:54.895
that such a result will
seriously undermine

00:47:54.896 --> 00:47:57.526
the moral education
and values of our youth

00:47:57.527 --> 00:48:01.110
and the stability of
family in our society.

00:48:03.732 --> 00:48:08.065
(Titi speaking in Spanish)

00:48:26.634 --> 00:48:28.098
- Was it AIDS? Was it cancer?

00:48:28.099 --> 00:48:29.682
Was it what it was?

00:48:30.726 --> 00:48:32.744
It was always top secret.

00:48:32.745 --> 00:48:34.877
And I think it took a really long time,

00:48:34.878 --> 00:48:37.888
I don\'t know whether it took
a long time for them to admit?

00:48:37.889 --> 00:48:40.351
We saw the marks on his legs.

00:48:40.352 --> 00:48:41.352
We saw

00:48:42.416 --> 00:48:43.583
him suffering.

00:48:44.562 --> 00:48:46.548
But nobody would say it was AIDS.

00:48:46.549 --> 00:48:49.786
And nobody really
admitted for a long time,

00:48:49.787 --> 00:48:54.772
and I don\'t know if ever they
admitted that it was AIDS.

00:48:54.773 --> 00:48:55.606
- He had it.

00:48:55.607 --> 00:48:57.321
I know he had it.

00:48:57.322 --> 00:48:59.972
I saw all my friends dying
of AIDS all around me

00:48:59.973 --> 00:49:03.276
and I knew what those marks looked like.

00:49:03.277 --> 00:49:04.634
- [Cecilia] I heard stories in my family

00:49:04.635 --> 00:49:06.858
that Miguel never wanted to be tested.

00:49:06.859 --> 00:49:08.192
- No, he didn\'t.

00:49:09.485 --> 00:49:13.369
- [Miguel Voiceover] January 16th, 1986.

00:49:13.370 --> 00:49:17.677
At approximately 9:30 a.m.
Dr. Donald R. Drusin came

00:49:17.678 --> 00:49:20.182
into my room and asked to
speak with me privately

00:49:20.183 --> 00:49:21.704
in a room next door.

00:49:21.705 --> 00:49:24.911
He explained that it was
the consensus of the team

00:49:24.912 --> 00:49:27.613
that there was too much
AIDS risk in my care,

00:49:27.614 --> 00:49:29.533
due to the fact that I was gay,

00:49:29.534 --> 00:49:31.557
to perform the intervention.

00:49:31.558 --> 00:49:34.077
He said that if I had taken the AIDS test

00:49:34.078 --> 00:49:38.133
and proved negative
they would feel better.

00:49:38.134 --> 00:49:40.678
I told him that he knew
my standing on the test,

00:49:40.679 --> 00:49:45.346
that I felt it was a blacklist
and didn\'t prove a thing.

00:49:48.831 --> 00:49:50.376
- [Robert] He was lonely. He missed me.

00:49:50.377 --> 00:49:51.855
He kept saying, please come.

00:49:51.856 --> 00:49:53.933
Every five minutes he
would call me at home.

00:49:53.934 --> 00:49:55.616
Are you coming to the hospital?

00:49:55.617 --> 00:49:56.931
Are you coming to the hospital?

00:49:56.932 --> 00:49:58.189
I said, I\'m coming already,

00:49:58.190 --> 00:49:59.389
give me a break, will you?

00:49:59.390 --> 00:50:01.890
I\'ll be there in five minutes.

00:50:04.372 --> 00:50:07.456
- [Schiffer] Miguel had a fever.

00:50:07.457 --> 00:50:09.123
He had skin changes.

00:50:09.124 --> 00:50:12.656
He was constantly having blood draws

00:50:12.657 --> 00:50:17.657
and transfusions and medication
that was making him sick.

00:50:18.030 --> 00:50:23.030
- [Robert] Michael\'s right leg
blew up so big with kaposis.

00:50:23.738 --> 00:50:25.738
It was a monstrous leg.

00:50:26.872 --> 00:50:28.372
It was all purple.

00:50:29.299 --> 00:50:32.341
They started out small
purple, purple, brown.

00:50:32.342 --> 00:50:34.038
And they got to be big,

00:50:34.039 --> 00:50:35.325
brown, ugly,

00:50:35.326 --> 00:50:37.016
ugly, ugly marks.

00:50:37.017 --> 00:50:38.600
It was like scales.

00:50:40.378 --> 00:50:41.531
I shuddered when I saw that.

00:50:41.532 --> 00:50:42.490
- [Bea] It was just this

00:50:42.491 --> 00:50:44.331
big alien presence.
- His liver gave out.

00:50:44.332 --> 00:50:45.517
His kidneys gave out.

00:50:45.518 --> 00:50:47.626
- [Bea] There were so
many elements attacking

00:50:47.627 --> 00:50:49.586
this man\'s system.

00:50:49.587 --> 00:50:51.706
- [Robert] It was so painful to look at.

00:50:51.707 --> 00:50:52.659
It\' really was.

00:50:52.660 --> 00:50:54.711
It was so ugly.

00:50:54.712 --> 00:50:55.699
He was petrified,

00:50:55.700 --> 00:50:57.904
probably thought that he had AIDS.

00:50:57.905 --> 00:51:00.013
- [Lourdes] He knew he was gonna die.

00:51:00.014 --> 00:51:03.245
- [Robert] I was so sorry he got this.

00:51:03.246 --> 00:51:07.219
(somber violin music)

00:51:07.220 --> 00:51:11.305
- A lot of it came to the
surface after Michael got sick

00:51:11.306 --> 00:51:13.935
because his parents were around more

00:51:13.936 --> 00:51:17.576
and he wanted them in his life
and he wanted to please them

00:51:17.577 --> 00:51:21.591
and he wanted their love
and the support and help.

00:51:21.592 --> 00:51:26.342
And Bob wanted to be everything
because he was his lover.

00:51:28.335 --> 00:51:29.900
- [Robert] Your grandparents
tried to stop me

00:51:29.901 --> 00:51:33.845
from seeing Miguel several times actually.

00:51:33.846 --> 00:51:36.665
They talked to the doctors
but they did not know

00:51:36.666 --> 00:51:41.244
that the doctors came
back to me and told me.

00:51:41.245 --> 00:51:44.359
And that\'s when Dr. Drusin
got that letter for me,

00:51:44.360 --> 00:51:46.061
that letter of permission

00:51:46.062 --> 00:51:48.701
to go to see Miguel at any
time I want and any time,

00:51:48.702 --> 00:51:52.000
24 hours a day I was allowed
to be in the hospital.

00:51:52.001 --> 00:51:54.707
And I carried it in my back pocket.

00:51:54.708 --> 00:51:56.656
- [Shane] It was a family war.

00:51:56.657 --> 00:51:58.620
Who was controlling what, when,

00:51:58.621 --> 00:51:59.513
who, you know?

00:51:59.514 --> 00:52:00.811
Who loved Michael more?

00:52:00.812 --> 00:52:02.866
Who did Michael love more?

00:52:02.867 --> 00:52:05.051
It was very competitive.

00:52:05.052 --> 00:52:07.532
- She wanted him dead.

00:52:07.533 --> 00:52:10.013
She was happier that he
was dead than he was alive.

00:52:10.014 --> 00:52:13.445
- My mom didn\'t want Miguel dead, no way.

00:52:13.446 --> 00:52:17.863
No way, if she could have
given me her arm, two arms,

00:52:17.864 --> 00:52:19.933
if she could have never walked again

00:52:19.934 --> 00:52:22.141
so that my brother could live,

00:52:22.142 --> 00:52:24.975
she would have never walked again.

00:52:26.434 --> 00:52:30.492
But she would rather
see him safe in heaven

00:52:30.493 --> 00:52:34.243
rather than here on this
earth being tempted.

00:52:35.792 --> 00:52:40.629
- [Lourdes] He was so torn
that I think that he wanted

00:52:40.630 --> 00:52:42.799
to make everybody happy.

00:52:42.800 --> 00:52:45.234
And he was so afraid

00:52:45.235 --> 00:52:46.898
of Bob\'s reaction,

00:52:46.899 --> 00:52:49.268
of his parents\' reaction.

00:52:49.269 --> 00:52:51.244
- How does it feel to die?

00:52:51.245 --> 00:52:53.604
How does it feel to have
your life slipped away

00:52:53.605 --> 00:52:55.315
from you and your mother
telling you one thing,

00:52:55.316 --> 00:52:56.450
one thing, one thing,

00:52:56.451 --> 00:53:00.495
and your love of being
there on the other side?

00:53:00.496 --> 00:53:03.400
- She made him give me back
the friendship ring I gave him.

00:53:03.401 --> 00:53:05.875
She told him he could not get into heaven

00:53:05.876 --> 00:53:10.876
if he had that ring on his
finger and to give it back to me.

00:53:12.263 --> 00:53:16.060
So I went in when she
wasn\'t there one day,

00:53:16.061 --> 00:53:18.964
he put it in my hand and he
closed my hand and he said,

00:53:18.965 --> 00:53:21.856
God will not let me in
heaven with this ring on.

00:53:21.857 --> 00:53:23.853
I said, who told you that?

00:53:23.854 --> 00:53:24.836
He said, my mother.

00:53:24.837 --> 00:53:26.028
I said, well don\'t you know how much

00:53:26.029 --> 00:53:28.029
of a fool she is by now?

00:53:29.034 --> 00:53:30.180
He said, but she told me.

00:53:30.181 --> 00:53:31.514
I said, Michael.

00:53:32.782 --> 00:53:34.698
I said, how can you believe that?

00:53:34.699 --> 00:53:37.417
How could you possibly believe that?

00:53:37.418 --> 00:53:39.335
That\'s so hypocritical.

00:53:40.446 --> 00:53:44.260
God, you even wrote that
letter to your mother saying,

00:53:44.261 --> 00:53:46.428
God does not discriminate.

00:53:48.498 --> 00:53:52.831
(Rosa speaking in Spanish)

00:54:17.561 --> 00:54:20.894
(Robert sighing deeply)

00:54:24.461 --> 00:54:25.711
I went into the

00:54:27.362 --> 00:54:28.945
intensive care unit

00:54:31.538 --> 00:54:35.788
and she had a crucifix this
big laying on his body.

00:54:38.439 --> 00:54:39.924
And I went into the nurse and I said,

00:54:39.925 --> 00:54:43.443
get her out of there right and
get that crucifix off of him.

00:54:43.444 --> 00:54:44.861
It\'s killing him.

00:54:48.115 --> 00:54:51.468
- [Nylda] When he was dying
he was tied to his bed

00:54:51.469 --> 00:54:54.134
and he had all these tubes all over.

00:54:54.135 --> 00:54:58.687
He had his arms spread
out like he was crucified

00:54:58.688 --> 00:55:00.065
and she was at the foot of the bed

00:55:00.066 --> 00:55:03.638
and she felt like Mary
at the foot of the cross.

00:55:03.639 --> 00:55:07.139
(dramatic ominous music)

00:55:10.559 --> 00:55:14.685
He did whatever he needed
to do to die in peace

00:55:14.686 --> 00:55:17.186
so that he could accept death.

00:55:19.191 --> 00:55:20.588
And how do you prepare yourself

00:55:20.589 --> 00:55:23.756
for death unless you give yourself up?

00:55:32.681 --> 00:55:36.181
(blanket rustling on bed)

00:56:10.331 --> 00:56:14.695
- [Cecilia] There\'s this
space in my imaginary,

00:56:14.696 --> 00:56:15.779
this space of

00:56:17.296 --> 00:56:20.950
stained glass and music and ritual,

00:56:20.951 --> 00:56:22.637
Easter and resurrection,

00:56:22.638 --> 00:56:25.488
and Christ, and Miguel.

00:56:26.632 --> 00:56:29.723
I don\'t remember traveling to Puerto Rico.

00:56:29.724 --> 00:56:32.915
I don\'t remember the funeral home.

00:56:32.916 --> 00:56:34.626
I don\'t remember where we stayed.

00:56:34.627 --> 00:56:36.410
I don\'t remember what I wore.

00:56:36.411 --> 00:56:40.411
I don\'t remember what
time the funeral was held.

00:56:41.270 --> 00:56:42.603
I just remember,

00:56:43.491 --> 00:56:46.416
I remember being in the church.

00:56:46.417 --> 00:56:50.481
(congregation singing in foreign language)

00:56:50.482 --> 00:56:52.482
And I remember the music

00:56:57.830 --> 00:57:00.163
and it scared me, that song.

00:57:02.667 --> 00:57:05.584
The melody was so dark and dour and

00:57:07.073 --> 00:57:09.432
I was six years old.

00:57:09.433 --> 00:57:13.100
I was standing there
next to my grandfather.

00:57:14.751 --> 00:57:19.626
I\'m looking up at him and
he has this birthmark,

00:57:19.627 --> 00:57:22.294
this big birthmark on his cheek.

00:57:24.491 --> 00:57:28.812
And the tears are just
streaming down his cheeks.

00:57:28.813 --> 00:57:33.730
(congregation singing in foreign language)

00:57:35.874 --> 00:57:37.707
That\'s all I remember.

00:57:39.467 --> 00:57:42.967
(relaxing ominous music)

00:57:50.905 --> 00:57:52.310
- [Robert] I was at the funeral parlor.

00:57:52.311 --> 00:57:53.874
I was just sitting there.

00:57:53.875 --> 00:57:56.454
They never said Hello to me, nothing.

00:57:56.455 --> 00:57:58.288
I was in the last pew.

00:58:00.211 --> 00:58:02.419
The bells started ringing at the church

00:58:02.420 --> 00:58:04.416
and they brought the casket in.

00:58:04.417 --> 00:58:06.056
I saw the beginning of the casket

00:58:06.057 --> 00:58:09.390
and I just collapsed right on the floor.

00:58:10.490 --> 00:58:12.822
(Robert sighing deeply)

00:58:12.823 --> 00:58:14.639
All my dreams had gone.

00:58:14.640 --> 00:58:16.057
Michael was gone.

00:58:19.666 --> 00:58:21.781
I wanted to get over
just to touch the coffin

00:58:21.782 --> 00:58:23.148
to say goodbye,

00:58:23.149 --> 00:58:25.118
put my hand on and say, goodbye pal.

00:58:25.119 --> 00:58:26.211
So I just put it on and said,

00:58:26.212 --> 00:58:28.544
I went, goodbye pal.

00:58:28.545 --> 00:58:29.961
I\'ll see you.

00:58:29.962 --> 00:58:32.590
I\'ll see you in the next life.

00:58:32.591 --> 00:58:35.874
(Robert sniffling)

00:58:35.875 --> 00:58:40.292
(relaxing ominous base violin music)

00:59:04.246 --> 00:59:07.165
- [Cecilia] So one of the
things I\'m reading here,

00:59:07.166 --> 00:59:10.322
\"Other survivors include
his mother, Carmen,

00:59:10.323 --> 00:59:11.597
\"a brother, Jorge,

00:59:11.598 --> 00:59:13.483
\"33, and a sister,

00:59:13.484 --> 00:59:14.484
\"Nylda, 35.\"

00:59:17.815 --> 00:59:20.732
How do you feel when you hear that?

00:59:22.942 --> 00:59:26.782
- Horrible, there\'s not
a mention of me at all.

00:59:26.783 --> 00:59:29.283
It was like I\'d never existed.

00:59:31.044 --> 00:59:32.912
- [Cecilia] So who are you most angry at?

00:59:32.913 --> 00:59:33.879
- I don\'t know.

00:59:33.880 --> 00:59:36.406
At times I get so confused.

00:59:36.407 --> 00:59:38.907
I really do, Michael at times.

00:59:40.280 --> 00:59:42.862
I see that face and I get angry sometimes,

00:59:42.863 --> 00:59:44.530
really angry at him.

00:59:45.614 --> 00:59:48.198
- Bob was very raw after Miguel died.

00:59:48.199 --> 00:59:50.215
Everything hurt. Everything hurt.

00:59:50.216 --> 00:59:52.979
It was like the heart
was outside of his chest,

00:59:52.980 --> 00:59:54.730
you know what I mean?

00:59:58.132 --> 01:00:02.366
- [Rick] When people are
devastated by an event

01:00:02.367 --> 01:00:04.034
and lose the reason,

01:00:05.980 --> 01:00:10.316
are asking themselves why
and why should I live?

01:00:10.317 --> 01:00:13.900
When you get to that
desperation, sometimes

01:00:15.777 --> 01:00:19.027
faith, religion is the only ladder out.

01:00:20.056 --> 01:00:23.556
(relaxing ominous music)

01:00:35.839 --> 01:00:37.492
- With all I know now I would

01:00:37.493 --> 01:00:40.410
have done something very different.

01:00:41.327 --> 01:00:43.206
I don\'t know if I would say I feel guilty

01:00:43.207 --> 01:00:45.760
but I know I was wrong.

01:00:45.761 --> 01:00:47.290
I have forgiven myself.

01:00:47.291 --> 01:00:49.791
I hope Miguel has forgiven me.

01:00:51.499 --> 01:00:55.082
And I don\'t lose any
sleep over it anymore.

01:00:57.858 --> 01:01:01.259
- [Cecilia] Are you angry at your mother?

01:01:01.260 --> 01:01:02.760
- [Nylda] I\'m sad.

01:01:03.993 --> 01:01:07.027
I am sad that she suffered so much

01:01:07.028 --> 01:01:09.945
and she made so many people suffer.

01:01:11.841 --> 01:01:15.262
I would like to think that her
thinking would have evolved.

01:01:15.263 --> 01:01:18.596
But I don\'t know if it would have, ever.

01:01:21.137 --> 01:01:24.645
- [Cecilia] So what do
you hope would happen now?

01:01:24.646 --> 01:01:27.690
- I have no idea what\'s gonna happen.

01:01:27.691 --> 01:01:28.691
I would like

01:01:31.742 --> 01:01:35.909
to have us have an opportunity
for reconciliation,

01:01:36.978 --> 01:01:39.930
an opportunity for me
to say how sorry I am

01:01:39.931 --> 01:01:42.681
for the pain that he went through

01:01:43.896 --> 01:01:46.229
and ask him for forgiveness.

01:01:51.357 --> 01:01:54.357
I\'d like for his pain to be healed.

01:01:57.893 --> 01:01:59.926
He can choose not to take the opportunity

01:01:59.927 --> 01:02:04.427
and he can choose to remain
bitter and angry and hurt.

01:02:05.943 --> 01:02:09.144
But what if he chooses to heal?

01:02:09.145 --> 01:02:12.645
(relaxing ominous music)

01:02:22.478 --> 01:02:24.694
(phone audible ringing tone)

01:02:24.695 --> 01:02:28.487
(vehicles humming by)

01:02:28.488 --> 01:02:29.321
- [Robert] Hello?

01:02:29.322 --> 01:02:30.904
- Hi, it\'s Cecilia.

01:02:31.838 --> 01:02:35.441
- Cecilia who?
- You know who I am.

01:02:35.442 --> 01:02:36.880
(Robert chuckling)

01:02:36.881 --> 01:02:39.128
What\'s up, kid?
- My mom asked

01:02:39.129 --> 01:02:42.129
me to call you because she wanted to

01:02:43.275 --> 01:02:45.358
invite you to come visit.

01:02:46.213 --> 01:02:48.213
- Oh, God.
- To Orlando.

01:02:49.088 --> 01:02:52.208
She has quite a lot of airline miles.

01:02:52.209 --> 01:02:53.379
- [Robert] Don\'t use them on me,

01:02:53.380 --> 01:02:54.725
use them on your family.

01:02:54.726 --> 01:02:57.923
- Well, she wants to use them on you.

01:02:57.924 --> 01:03:00.562
- [Robert] Am I going to
get the whole family down?

01:03:00.563 --> 01:03:02.344
- If you like.
- Okay.

01:03:02.345 --> 01:03:05.669
- [Cecilia] And they\'ll
be very happy to meet you.

01:03:05.670 --> 01:03:07.776
(Robert chuckling)

01:03:07.777 --> 01:03:08.807
- Oh my God,

01:03:08.808 --> 01:03:10.304
it\'s like seeing Carmen.

01:03:10.305 --> 01:03:11.692
(Robert and Nylda laughing)

01:03:11.693 --> 01:03:13.204
How are you?
- Good to see you.

01:03:13.205 --> 01:03:14.737
- Nice to see you.
- Oh my goodness.

01:03:14.738 --> 01:03:16.591
- God you look just like your mother,

01:03:16.592 --> 01:03:18.553
you really do, my goodness.

01:03:18.554 --> 01:03:21.578
- But I\'ve been thinking
about you a long time.

01:03:21.579 --> 01:03:23.498
- I often wondered, I\'ve thought,

01:03:23.499 --> 01:03:26.408
well, when are they gonna
call me or something?

01:03:26.409 --> 01:03:29.483
- I didn\'t have your information.

01:03:29.484 --> 01:03:31.503
- Google, you Google my name.

01:03:31.504 --> 01:03:32.747
- I didn\'t even remember your name.

01:03:32.748 --> 01:03:34.957
I didn\'t know the last name.

01:03:34.958 --> 01:03:36.462
- Okay.
- Yeah.

01:03:36.463 --> 01:03:39.215
It was like, Robert, Robert?

01:03:39.216 --> 01:03:42.633
(relaxing ominous music)

01:04:03.178 --> 01:04:05.761
(bag rustling)

01:04:10.682 --> 01:04:13.515
(vehicle humming)

01:04:22.127 --> 01:04:24.112
- I\'ve had a lot of time
to think about things

01:04:24.113 --> 01:04:27.030
and I really never forgave Michael.

01:04:28.164 --> 01:04:29.344
And I had something,

01:04:29.345 --> 01:04:30.739
I was looking at something.

01:04:30.740 --> 01:04:31.900
Oh, that little round,

01:04:31.901 --> 01:04:33.818
oval photo right there.

01:04:35.064 --> 01:04:36.546
And I looked at him and I said, Michael,

01:04:36.547 --> 01:04:37.584
forgive me.

01:04:37.585 --> 01:04:38.585
I\'m so sorry

01:04:40.570 --> 01:04:42.653
for being so thoughtless.

01:04:43.931 --> 01:04:46.866
- [Cecilia] So what did that
open up for you, that moment?

01:04:46.867 --> 01:04:51.284
- It made me realize I was
stupid for being that way.

01:04:54.150 --> 01:04:57.010
But see, life is for the living you know.

01:04:57.011 --> 01:05:00.844
And we are the people
who suffer, not Michael.

01:05:03.053 --> 01:05:05.803
(birds chirping)

01:05:07.323 --> 01:05:11.073
(phone audible ringing tone)

01:05:15.300 --> 01:05:16.453
- [Cecilia] Hello?

01:05:16.454 --> 01:05:18.184
(Nylda speaking in Spanish)

01:05:18.185 --> 01:05:19.893
- [Cecilia] Are you busy right now?

01:05:19.894 --> 01:05:21.601
- [Nylda] I can talk for a minute.

01:05:21.602 --> 01:05:23.019
- [Cecilia] Okay.

01:05:24.123 --> 01:05:28.402
So basically I\'ve been
feeling all along like you

01:05:28.403 --> 01:05:31.153
were a bystander to this conflict

01:05:32.541 --> 01:05:37.282
and that you didn\'t do
enough for your brother.

01:05:37.283 --> 01:05:41.127
And I\'m realizing that
I\'m here telling the story

01:05:41.128 --> 01:05:43.345
about all these people and
I\'ve been struggling all along

01:05:43.346 --> 01:05:46.825
to figure out how do I forgive everyone?

01:05:46.826 --> 01:05:50.087
How do I forgive my grandmother
for the choices she made?

01:05:50.088 --> 01:05:53.402
How do I forgive Aquin for
the horrible things he said

01:05:53.403 --> 01:05:56.570
about her and I\'ve never forgiven you.

01:05:58.133 --> 01:06:02.550
(Nylda speaking in Spanish)

01:06:04.210 --> 01:06:06.236
- [Nylda] This is so hard.

01:06:06.237 --> 01:06:10.570
It was more complicated
than you originally thought.

01:06:13.450 --> 01:06:15.103
- [Cecilia] Yeah, it always is.

01:06:15.104 --> 01:06:17.956
(Cecilia sniffling)

01:06:17.957 --> 01:06:21.290
I filmed that reunion with you and Aquin

01:06:22.448 --> 01:06:24.031
and it\'s so staged.

01:06:25.772 --> 01:06:28.434
You remember how ridiculous that was.

01:06:28.435 --> 01:06:31.102
It looks like a perfect reunion.

01:06:32.220 --> 01:06:34.850
- [Nylda] Yeah, and they
lived happily ever after.

01:06:34.851 --> 01:06:36.101
- Right.
- Yeah.

01:06:38.794 --> 01:06:42.544
We really don\'t have
anything else in common.

01:06:45.032 --> 01:06:49.449
Miguel is gone so there\'s
nothing else to talk about.

01:06:50.893 --> 01:06:52.106
- [Cecilia] Do you feel that way?

01:06:52.107 --> 01:06:54.524
Do you ever wanna call Aquin?

01:06:56.871 --> 01:06:58.782
- Not really, I mean.

01:06:58.783 --> 01:07:01.615
- [Cecilia] But isn\'t he your family?

01:07:01.616 --> 01:07:02.699
- [Nylda] No.

01:07:03.557 --> 01:07:05.424
He never recognized me as family.

01:07:05.425 --> 01:07:08.175
I never recognized him as family.

01:07:10.680 --> 01:07:12.253
- [Cecilia] Sometimes I
feel like I\'m on a quest

01:07:12.254 --> 01:07:16.442
for justice on behalf
of your little brother.

01:07:16.443 --> 01:07:18.690
- [Nylda] But, you know,

01:07:18.691 --> 01:07:21.489
why was my little brother so involved

01:07:21.490 --> 01:07:22.490
in his own?

01:07:23.993 --> 01:07:26.391
Why didn\'t he take care of me?

01:07:26.392 --> 01:07:27.807
Why did I have to take care of him?

01:07:27.808 --> 01:07:31.513
Because I was the girl
and I was the oldest one?

01:07:31.514 --> 01:07:32.808
He could\'ve taken care of me.

01:07:32.809 --> 01:07:34.050
I needed him.

01:07:34.051 --> 01:07:37.519
(birds chirping)

01:07:37.520 --> 01:07:39.449
- [Cecilia] I\'m sorry, mama.

01:07:39.450 --> 01:07:43.110
- [Nylda] The bottom line is
that we all need to survive

01:07:43.111 --> 01:07:46.478
and we use different ways
of surviving according

01:07:46.479 --> 01:07:48.606
to our gifts, our limitations,

01:07:48.607 --> 01:07:50.440
and our circumstances.

01:07:51.879 --> 01:07:52.950
- [Cecilia] Yeah, but what I\'m saying is,

01:07:52.951 --> 01:07:57.754
can\'t we survive and look
out for others as well?

01:07:57.755 --> 01:08:01.672
- [Nylda] Sometimes we can
and sometimes we can\'t.

01:08:01.673 --> 01:08:04.673
(crickets chirping)

01:08:13.989 --> 01:08:17.406
(dramatic ominous music)

01:08:52.228 --> 01:08:54.524
- [Miguel Voiceover] I
guess I\'ll never really know

01:08:54.525 --> 01:08:57.087
how things would\'ve turned out for me.

01:08:57.088 --> 01:08:59.421
That\'s the road never taken.

01:09:00.605 --> 01:09:04.426
I only wish I could share
in this with others.

01:09:04.427 --> 01:09:07.202
Although I know it is
impossible to transfer the whole

01:09:07.203 --> 01:09:09.404
of my experience,

01:09:09.405 --> 01:09:14.237
I feel that I have somehow
seen the face of God.

01:09:14.238 --> 01:09:16.502
And having stared at death,

01:09:16.503 --> 01:09:17.586
I must admit,

01:09:18.449 --> 01:09:21.552
I much prefer his to death\'s,

01:09:21.553 --> 01:09:25.053
whatever and whomever God turns out to be.

01:09:26.543 --> 01:09:27.543
Sincerely,

01:09:28.316 --> 01:09:29.316
Miguel.

01:09:30.217 --> 01:09:33.634
(relaxing ominous music)