MUÔI
- Description
- Reviews
- Citation
- Cataloging
- Transcript
Despite a tumultuous childhood, a complicated present as a queer single mom navigating the limitations of a restrictive and traditional Vietnamese culture, and the daunting prospects of a bleak future, Muội Hồng persists in dreaming of life as an artist. She finds healing, strength, expression, community, meaning, and authenticity in her pursuit of hip hop dancing. MUỘI follows her progress towards her goal of becoming a dancer in the luxurious Vinpearl in Nha Trang, immersing audiences in the underground dance and queer culture of contemporary Vietnam. Is Vietnam’s conservative society too restrictive for a young, poor, queer woman to have a space in the emerging hip-hop scene? Or will her talent and perseverance be enough to allow her to succeed?
Citation
Main credits
Miller, Amy (film director)
Miller, Amy (film producer)
Miller, Amy (screenwriter)
Guidi, Sylvestre (screenwriter)
Guidi, Sylvestre (director of photography)
Chaldovich, Boban (screenwriter)
Chaldovich, Boban (editor of moving image work)
Hồng, Muội (on-screen participant)
Other credits
Cinematography, Sylvestre Guidi; editor, Boban Chaldovich.
Distributor subjects
Vietnam,Dance,Queer Studies,Cultural Studies Hip-Hop, Photography,Arts,Journey,Trauma,PerseveranceKeywords
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My name is Hồng Muội.
00:00:26:11 - 00:00:28:16
I was born and raised in Nha Trang.
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I often tell myself
00:00:36:10 - 00:00:41:00
that until my late 30s
00:00:41:03 - 00:00:43:28
I will dedicate myself to dancing.
00:00:44:00 - 00:00:47:06
I’ll still dance as long as
my health permits.
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If not, after that, when I turn 40,
I could become a photographer.
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My dream is to do art.
00:00:57:25 - 00:01:00:12
That sounds easy,
but doing it is difficult.
00:01:00:16 - 00:01:02:14
In Vietnam there are many obstacles
00:01:02:16 - 00:01:05:00
for those who want
to live their own lives
00:01:05:03 - 00:01:07:18
and be able to make
a living from their passion.
00:01:09:11 - 00:01:10:28
However, I still love Vietnam,
00:01:11:00 - 00:01:12:25
and I believe I can do it.
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Yes, that's a leaf.
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Yes, upward lifting stroke.
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Orange.
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Orange.
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That’s an orange.
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No, the orange is right here.
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Right here. Did you see it?
00:01:52:12 - 00:01:54:02
What fruit is this?
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Oh my gosh, you haven’t used
up this piece yet,
00:01:58:05 - 00:01:59:22
you’ve already used another!
00:02:06:01 - 00:02:08:20
There’s a ...
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What fruit is that?
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That’s a lemon.
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A lemon.
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A mango.
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I’ll write “mango.”
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I chose to be a single mother.
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I thought that escaping from
a bad relationship,
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I would have a better future.
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I have dedicated time and
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effort during the past
few years to raising my child.
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And I hope that when she grows up
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she can be a successful student,
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find her dream job,
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and have a better life than mine.
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Nam, can you count numbers for mommy?
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Nam!
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Currently, I feel satisfied
with this place,
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although I live in a small space.
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I like living in this place
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because I am not only
afraid of narrow spaces,
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but I am also afraid of
large spaces too,
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so I think this place is cozy
and safe enough for me.
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And even if the neighborhood
where I’m living at the moment
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is kind of a ghetto part of the city
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where there are many drug addicts,
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I think that if I don’t harm anyone
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then nobody will bother me.
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So I just live my life.
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I am friendly with everyone,
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so it’s okay living here
for my daughter and me.
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Without a mother by my side,
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back then I became a tomboy.
00:04:33:13 - 00:04:36:10
I would only play with the boys
living in the village,
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and together, we disturbed
the entire neighborhood.
00:05:01:11 - 00:05:03:28
Everyone is familiar
with the path of social evils,
00:05:04:02 - 00:05:07:14
delinquency, drugs,
and other bad stuff.
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At that time, I was slipping
dangerously into that world,
00:05:11:26 - 00:05:13:15
but I feel that I am lucky,
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because around that time I read a post
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on the website of a dance group
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that was looking to
recruit a new member.
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So I joined them.
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Ever since that day
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I felt like my life became meaningful.
00:05:48:03 - 00:05:54:24
I got into hip hop dancing
with the passion of a young kid,
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and I have been following hip hop
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for over 15 years now.
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That is quite a memorable
milestone for me.
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When I was growing up, people told me
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that I had a “walking leg,”
meaning that I liked to walk,
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that I couldn't stand staying at home.
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I only stay at home when I feel sleepy.
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Most of my day after
I wake up in the morning,
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the thought of going outside
always comes up.
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I can walk all day, I don't get tired.
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Quite a few people have asked
why they always see me
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in the streets, backpacking,
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walking in the streets, like a wanderer,
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like a vagrant, like a homeless person.
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It’s because I like it, I just do it,
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for no particular reason.
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I tried to study hard
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but I found out that what
I loved was doing art.
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I love singing, I love dancing.
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I love to draw.
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I love to travel.
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I don't like a life that is confined
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to a structure like the school,
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where the teacher teaches like a robot.
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The way they teach the kids,
it makes them all become the same.
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When I was a little bit older,
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I finally left school.
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I dropped out
of school because
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it just wasn’t interesting
to me any longer.
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I don't understand why in Vietnam,
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it is so important for parents
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that their children must be
good at school.
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Even though their children
are not good students,
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they can still do many different things
00:08:31:06 - 00:08:32:22
and find a role in society.
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Yet, they don’t care.
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I traveled around Vietnam, doing what
the Vietnamese call “đi phượt,”
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riding on a motorbike
to visit many places, such as
00:09:05:27 - 00:09:11:03
Đà Lạt, Buôn Ma Thuột, Đắk Lắk,
Saigon, Huế, Đà Nẵng,
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and Hanoi.
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I really liked it, although
it was a bit tiring.
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I had a feeling that
I could enjoy this life.
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It makes me want to experience it all.
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I really like to go to Đà Lạt
with my lover, Anh.
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We met each other
for the first time in Đà Lạt.
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Having a place called home,
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making good friends,
00:10:00:22 - 00:10:05:04
having a partner and a daughter
by my side, all that is my happiness.
00:10:18:21 - 00:10:22:26
In Vietnam, at the age of 27,
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people think you are
close to middle age,
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and they keep nagging me
about my life choices.
00:10:31:03 - 00:10:33:10
There’s a Vietnamese idiom
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“An old bamboo tree makes young shoots."
00:10:36:29 - 00:10:40:02
Meaning when the old generations
like us are gone,
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the younger ones will replace us.
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Some of my friends were encouraging,
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and I should not be so pessimistic.
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I want to continue growing in hip hop,
00:11:02:27 - 00:11:05:02
to assert myself more,
and who knows,
00:11:05:04 - 00:11:08:23
maybe one day
I will have a lucky opportunity
00:11:08:26 - 00:11:10:26
to go abroad
and go to school overseas,
00:11:10:28 - 00:11:13:25
or be able to educate
myself somewhere else.
00:11:13:27 - 00:11:15:27
I just want to live my own life.
00:11:43:12 - 00:11:47:11
Life is different from what
we’ve been taught.
00:11:48:06 - 00:11:51:29
Life teaches you how to live it,
00:11:52:01 - 00:11:56:24
how to create more layers of masks
to cover your true face.
00:12:00:25 - 00:12:03:12
My life has a lot
of negative sides.
00:12:03:22 - 00:12:07:14
Some days I feel down for no reason.
00:12:29:06 - 00:12:30:05
I smoke every day,
00:12:30:08 - 00:12:32:04
I drink coffee every day,
00:12:32:06 - 00:12:34:04
but to me, it is not really that bad.
00:12:34:27 - 00:12:39:29
It actually helps me to chill out,
00:12:40:02 - 00:12:42:27
because normally I tend to stress a lot.
00:12:51:21 - 00:12:54:27
When I am around super
aggressive people,
00:12:55:00 - 00:12:58:01
or show-off people,
00:12:58:04 - 00:13:02:06
even when I’m in a hip hop contest
or in a dance studio,
00:13:02:09 - 00:13:04:28
I feel anxious and panicked.
00:13:05:02 - 00:13:07:18
So the only thing that can calm me down
00:13:07:20 - 00:13:12:04
is a cigarette, a glass of beer,
or an alcoholic drink.
00:13:45:22 - 00:13:50:01
Maybe I am not a rich person
in this society,
00:13:50:03 - 00:13:52:18
maybe I am not a pretty person,
or very talented.
00:13:52:21 - 00:13:55:17
But I believe I have something special,
00:13:56:00 - 00:14:00:00
because at least, after all
the negative things
00:14:00:08 - 00:14:04:24
about my family and myself,
I have found an ideal in life,
00:14:05:08 - 00:14:07:29
which is to live for my
passion for hip hop.
00:14:57:16 - 00:15:00:27
After my father and my mother
were divorced, I lived with my father.
00:15:01:00 - 00:15:05:05
We moved to Đà Lạt
and that is where he met my stepmother.
00:15:07:26 - 00:15:10:08
My stepmother raised me since
I was a little kid.
00:15:10:10 - 00:15:12:09
I never knew she
wasn't my real mother.
00:15:12:12 - 00:15:14:18
I always thought she was my real mother,
00:15:14:21 - 00:15:18:06
because she took
good care of me,
00:15:18:08 - 00:15:20:05
and truly loved me
like her own child.
00:15:26:17 - 00:15:29:05
When I was in the first year
of primary school,
00:15:29:09 - 00:15:31:14
my stepmother was diagnosed
with blood cancer,
00:15:31:16 - 00:15:33:21
and the following summer
she passed away.
00:15:40:04 - 00:15:41:10
After she passed away,
00:15:41:15 - 00:15:45:27
my father had to be both
a father and a mother to me.
00:15:55:10 - 00:15:57:16
I’ll burn half,
you’ll burn the rest.
00:15:58:07 - 00:16:06:03
My father used violence to control
me when I was growing up.
00:16:09:25 - 00:16:13:05
He was violent and abused me
psychologically and physically.
00:16:18:24 - 00:16:21:11
I’ve been struggling with depression
00:16:21:20 - 00:16:23:17
ever since my stepmother passed away.
00:16:27:05 - 00:16:32:19
I have been extremely depressed
00:16:32:21 - 00:16:35:06
and I've tried
to commit suicide many times.
00:16:50:13 - 00:16:53:03
I feel like I am lucky.
00:16:55:11 - 00:16:57:01
Actually, I don't know if I am lucky
00:16:57:03 - 00:16:59:19
or if my life here
isn’t meant to end yet.
00:17:43:22 - 00:17:46:02
There was a time that was very hard.
00:17:47:17 - 00:17:50:14
I had many difficulties in life
and in relationships.
00:17:52:11 - 00:17:55:10
My family was angry at me
00:17:55:12 - 00:17:57:07
and forbade me from returning home.
00:18:02:21 - 00:18:05:24
Instead of asking for help from others
00:18:06:05 - 00:18:11:03
I decided to leave home.
00:18:15:02 - 00:18:19:10
I would wander in the streets
all night, going here and there,
00:18:19:15 - 00:18:21:19
but mostly I would go down to the beach
00:18:21:22 - 00:18:24:19
and stare at the sea while it's quiet.
00:18:25:18 - 00:18:27:16
This allows me to feel inner peace,
00:18:27:18 - 00:18:30:22
because the world out there
is complicated and full of problems.
00:18:33:26 - 00:18:35:24
I slept on the beach quite a few times.
00:18:38:00 - 00:18:39:21
Each time, when I woke up,
00:18:40:26 - 00:18:49:03
everyone was looking
at me like I was homeless.
00:18:51:03 - 00:18:59:23
I asked myself how did I
end up like this?
00:19:00:00 - 00:19:04:11
I blamed myself for everything.
00:19:04:14 - 00:19:07:01
The beach became my shelter.
00:19:08:21 - 00:19:13:15
At that time life was very
difficult for me.
00:19:55:09 - 00:19:59:20
To everyone in my family,
on the side of my maternal family,
00:20:00:00 - 00:20:02:05
people think I am a rogue.
00:20:08:20 - 00:20:13:04
They always assume you are
a bad kid in this society,
00:20:13:06 - 00:20:17:22
although they do not know
what their granddaughter is capable of.
00:20:23:19 - 00:20:26:19
In this society, one is only valued
for their money,
00:20:26:22 - 00:20:30:15
social position or status.
00:20:34:28 - 00:20:38:14
That is one thing that makes me
very frustrated quite often.
00:20:39:15 - 00:20:41:19
It is money that talks here.
For example,
00:20:41:25 - 00:20:45:00
when I don't have money,
I don't have the right to speak.
00:20:46:14 - 00:20:50:23
They say "you are too poor to ask,
00:20:50:25 - 00:20:53:05
too poor to imitate,
too poor to demand.”
00:21:22:05 - 00:21:27:22
I feel lucky that I have friends
who are not too old.
00:21:28:09 - 00:21:33:10
I have younger sisters
who understand me,
00:21:33:12 - 00:21:37:29
and behind the scenes, they root for me.
00:21:39:04 - 00:21:44:11
I am like an older sister to her,
00:21:44:14 - 00:21:47:19
because we’ve been
through similar life struggles,
00:21:47:21 - 00:21:52:03
and now we support each other.
00:22:01:04 - 00:22:08:07
I always wanted to have a sister,
and now I do have one.
00:22:35:17 - 00:22:38:22
Vinpearl Land just held
a big casting event.
00:22:38:25 - 00:22:42:04
They were looking for dancers and actors
00:22:42:06 - 00:22:45:18
from all across Vietnam, north to south.
00:22:50:24 - 00:22:55:09
On the day of casting, I overslept
and woke up too late.
00:23:00:07 - 00:23:01:19
I had a second chance though,
00:23:01:23 - 00:23:03:06
which was online casting,
00:23:03:08 - 00:23:06:13
during which I performed
my dance for the camera.
00:23:10:10 - 00:23:12:16
When I got the official news
00:23:12:19 - 00:23:15:02
in November, that I would
start working there,
00:23:15:05 - 00:23:16:05
I was like
00:23:16:07 - 00:23:20:21
“OMG! I’m going to work
at Vinpearl Land!”
00:23:28:29 - 00:23:33:06
That job at Vinpearl Land gave me
a totally new experience.
00:23:33:29 - 00:23:37:00
There are rarely opportunities
for me to go there,
00:23:37:15 - 00:23:39:18
because I can’t afford the ticket
00:23:39:21 - 00:23:43:09
and the cost of the trip for the day.
00:23:51:06 - 00:23:54:05
In general, it's all new,
very new and different,
00:23:54:08 - 00:23:56:08
compared to my previous work.
00:23:59:09 - 00:24:01:04
It's a dream job that allows me
00:24:01:07 - 00:24:04:16
to pursue my passion for dancing.
00:24:04:27 - 00:24:06:22
I was very excited.
00:24:28:29 - 00:24:30:16
While working at Vinpearl Land,
00:24:30:18 - 00:24:33:17
I gained a lot of experience
00:24:33:19 - 00:24:35:16
working with foreign choreographers,
00:24:35:18 - 00:24:37:05
and working with professionals
00:24:37:07 - 00:24:39:06
who are highly qualified.
00:24:39:27 - 00:24:43:05
These people taught me and helped me
00:24:43:07 - 00:24:45:20
improve my dancing skills.
00:24:46:24 - 00:24:48:19
I am happy about that.
00:26:53:02 - 00:26:56:01
When the coronavirus, COVID-19,
00:26:56:04 - 00:26:58:00
broke out in Vietnam
00:26:58:03 - 00:27:01:05
we had to stay home because
of the national lockdown.
00:27:02:08 - 00:27:07:21
It was a difficult time.
00:27:07:23 - 00:27:12:07
I was unemployed and just stayed
at home every day.
00:27:16:16 - 00:27:18:05
At that time,
00:27:18:07 - 00:27:24:04
I met a friend
who introduced me to photography.
00:27:24:06 - 00:27:28:11
Before, I only took pictures for fun,
00:27:28:14 - 00:27:31:24
but this friend helped me
step up to another level,
00:27:31:27 - 00:27:33:25
so I developed that passion.
00:27:34:15 - 00:27:37:26
Luckily, my friend
understood my situation
00:27:37:28 - 00:27:39:04
and kept supporting me.
00:27:39:08 - 00:27:41:13
He bought me a new camera,
00:27:42:23 - 00:27:47:20
and told me to follow my passion.
00:27:59:01 - 00:28:04:08
He said “I’ll help you at
the early stages of your career,
00:28:04:10 - 00:28:07:16
but you’ll have to learn
to stand on your feet sooner or later.”
00:28:10:29 - 00:28:12:02
I think I’m old,
00:28:12:18 - 00:28:15:01
but many of my friends say the opposite.
00:28:15:03 - 00:28:18:02
They encourage me
to reset my life again.
00:28:19:06 - 00:28:22:05
I am in that state right now.
00:28:22:16 - 00:28:24:25
I’m starting a photography
career from scratch,
00:28:24:27 - 00:28:28:05
I need to take each photo
00:28:28:08 - 00:28:30:03
with all of my heart.
00:28:31:21 - 00:28:35:12
I’m not really sure if could
make a living from photography.
00:28:35:14 - 00:28:38:14
I wonder how difficult it would be.
00:28:39:18 - 00:28:43:06
Is it as difficult as
making it as a dancer?
00:28:44:22 - 00:28:46:23
But I know that I will try my best.