WEBVTT

00:00:00.834 --> 00:00:03.770
♪♪♪

00:00:17.517 --> 00:00:19.953
- This was the original version
of \"Gray\'s Anatomy.\"

00:00:20.019 --> 00:00:24.457
♪♪♪

00:00:24.524 --> 00:00:26.559
If you go to
the table of contents...

00:00:29.229 --> 00:00:31.164
the clitoris is mentioned

00:00:31.231 --> 00:00:33.533
on like, page 372.

00:00:35.402 --> 00:00:38.605
You would think that
you would see it.

00:00:40.707 --> 00:00:42.409
Even though it\'s in
the table of contents,

00:00:42.475 --> 00:00:45.545
I can\'t find the word \"clitoris\"
on this page at all.

00:00:47.447 --> 00:00:50.550
Not present here at all.

00:00:51.985 --> 00:00:54.254
But here, here\'s the penis,

00:00:54.320 --> 00:00:56.890
with the various arteries that
they were talking about

00:00:56.956 --> 00:00:59.392
and veins that innervate it.

00:00:59.459 --> 00:01:01.694
But there\'s no imagery

00:01:01.761 --> 00:01:04.764
of female anatomy.

00:01:04.831 --> 00:01:07.233
It\'s almost as if they wiped

00:01:07.300 --> 00:01:09.736
womanhood out of the text.

00:01:09.803 --> 00:01:12.372
♪♪♪

00:01:20.647 --> 00:01:23.783
(woman)
Now, there are
many kinds of power.

00:01:23.850 --> 00:01:25.351
Both the ones we use

00:01:25.418 --> 00:01:29.656
and the ones we do not yet use.

00:01:29.722 --> 00:01:34.027
The erotic offers
a well of replenishing

00:01:34.093 --> 00:01:37.263
and provocative force
to any woman

00:01:37.330 --> 00:01:40.266
who does not fear
its revelation.

00:01:42.836 --> 00:01:47.240
Warned against it all our lives
by a male world,

00:01:47.307 --> 00:01:49.409
we have come to distrust
that power

00:01:49.476 --> 00:01:53.913
which rises from
our deepest knowledge.

00:01:53.980 --> 00:01:58.651
♪♪♪

00:02:05.825 --> 00:02:07.660
When we begin to live

00:02:07.727 --> 00:02:10.930
in touch with the power
of the erotic,

00:02:10.997 --> 00:02:13.433
then we begin to be responsible

00:02:13.500 --> 00:02:16.703
to ourselves
in the deepest sense.

00:02:16.769 --> 00:02:21.341
♪♪♪

00:03:00.914 --> 00:03:03.483
- We\'re here today,
kind of like the follow-up to

00:03:03.550 --> 00:03:05.018
the \"Clitical Thinking\" events.

00:03:05.084 --> 00:03:07.220
By show of hands,
how many of you were aware

00:03:07.287 --> 00:03:10.657
of the clitoris structure
prior to this?

00:03:13.293 --> 00:03:15.495
Okay, you were aware that it was

00:03:15.562 --> 00:03:17.363
this vast internal structure?

00:03:17.430 --> 00:03:20.066
That\'s awesome, because
most women do not know.

00:03:20.133 --> 00:03:24.504
- I think about the first time
I saw like, a drawing

00:03:24.571 --> 00:03:27.106
in my sixth grade like textbook

00:03:27.173 --> 00:03:29.842
and the clitoris was like...

00:03:29.909 --> 00:03:31.444
it was like a button.

00:03:31.511 --> 00:03:34.414
I don\'t even think the teacher
read over that part.

00:03:34.480 --> 00:03:36.182
- I told like my grandma
about it.

00:03:36.249 --> 00:03:38.418
You know, my grandma\'s
super interested, and it was

00:03:38.484 --> 00:03:40.687
kind of like,
made me sad and happy

00:03:40.753 --> 00:03:43.356
that she was so happy to know
because I was like,

00:03:43.423 --> 00:03:45.858
I wish she could have
known before, you know?

00:03:45.925 --> 00:03:48.928
♪♪♪

00:03:48.995 --> 00:03:52.565
- ♪ Now listen up ♪

00:03:52.632 --> 00:03:57.270
♪ Now gather round ♪

00:03:57.337 --> 00:04:00.406
♪ Now listen up ♪

00:04:00.473 --> 00:04:01.708
♪ Gather round now ♪

00:04:01.774 --> 00:04:03.343
- throughout the rest
of the class

00:04:03.409 --> 00:04:05.812
to chat with me about it.

00:04:05.878 --> 00:04:08.481
All right, you wanna take
the petri dish now

00:04:08.548 --> 00:04:11.250
and put it under
the dissection microscope...

00:04:11.317 --> 00:04:15.722
(Stacey)
All of this started maybe
about two summers ago.

00:04:15.788 --> 00:04:19.726
I taught a class called
Biology of Womanhood.

00:04:19.792 --> 00:04:23.563
One of the chapters in the book
that I was using as a text

00:04:23.630 --> 00:04:25.565
was entitled \"the clitoris.\"

00:04:25.632 --> 00:04:30.570
And it hit me, I don\'t even know
what this looks like.

00:04:30.637 --> 00:04:32.171
I said, okay, lemme get on
Google, so I went...

00:04:32.238 --> 00:04:33.673
(chuckling)

00:04:33.740 --> 00:04:36.175
So I said, \"clitoris,\"
Google Images, right?

00:04:36.242 --> 00:04:39.278
And the first thing that pops up
was Sophia Wallace\'s work.

00:04:39.345 --> 00:04:42.248
♪♪♪

00:04:42.315 --> 00:04:45.284
I said, whoa.

00:04:45.351 --> 00:04:49.155
That\'s what a clitoris
looks like?

00:04:49.222 --> 00:04:51.424
I just got really upset.

00:04:51.491 --> 00:04:52.792
As a woman biologist,

00:04:52.859 --> 00:04:55.962
how is it possible
that I do not know

00:04:56.029 --> 00:04:59.265
what my own biology looks like?

00:04:59.332 --> 00:05:01.234
It\'s insulting, right?

00:05:01.300 --> 00:05:05.772
Okay, so you\'re mad,
what are you gonna do about it?

00:05:05.838 --> 00:05:10.243
I decided that I wanted to use
this to fuel my life\'s work

00:05:10.309 --> 00:05:14.781
to try to get a better
understanding of the clitoris.

00:05:14.847 --> 00:05:19.185
And that kinda brought me
to inviting Sophia down

00:05:19.252 --> 00:05:24.390
for a full week of events
surrounding the clitoris,

00:05:24.457 --> 00:05:26.325
because her work was really

00:05:26.392 --> 00:05:29.796
the impetus to inspire this.

00:05:29.862 --> 00:05:33.433
And she had
her work at the art gallery.

00:05:33.499 --> 00:05:36.903
That was phenomenal
for me to see.

00:05:36.969 --> 00:05:39.839
(sounds of traffic)

00:05:39.906 --> 00:05:42.508
(horn honks)

00:05:44.544 --> 00:05:48.781
(Sophia)
My whole life I feel like,
brought me to \"Cliteracy.\"

00:05:48.848 --> 00:05:52.218
I had heard a story about
my grandmother

00:05:52.285 --> 00:05:54.387
who had recently passed away.

00:05:54.454 --> 00:05:57.056
Towards the end of her life,
she confessed to one of her kids

00:05:57.123 --> 00:06:00.326
that she didn\'t think
she\'d ever had an orgasm,

00:06:00.393 --> 00:06:02.128
and she\'d had five children.

00:06:04.163 --> 00:06:06.432
As I was thinking about this,
I basically

00:06:06.499 --> 00:06:08.968
couldn\'t stop talking about it.

00:06:09.035 --> 00:06:12.004
And I was having a conversation,
and I met a feminist

00:06:12.071 --> 00:06:14.006
who was like, well,
you know that it\'s actually

00:06:14.073 --> 00:06:16.676
this, like, big organ.
And I was like, what?

00:06:16.743 --> 00:06:18.377
So I Googled and
found this article

00:06:18.444 --> 00:06:22.181
about the internal clitoris.
And I was dumbfounded that

00:06:22.248 --> 00:06:24.417
all of the anatomy that I had
been taught and that was taken

00:06:24.484 --> 00:06:27.720
for granted excluded
the truth of my anatomy.

00:06:30.323 --> 00:06:34.460
I just couldn\'t take it that
the representations of sex

00:06:34.527 --> 00:06:37.430
and sexuality almost
universally exclude

00:06:37.497 --> 00:06:41.000
the clitoris as being necessary.

00:06:41.067 --> 00:06:42.702
And that\'s just absurd.

00:06:42.769 --> 00:06:45.838
I mean, that\'s just
absolutely absurd.

00:06:45.905 --> 00:06:49.742
It\'s akin to these ideas that we
used to have in medieval times

00:06:49.809 --> 00:06:53.412
that the universe revolved
around the Earth.

00:06:53.479 --> 00:06:55.248
It\'s a similar idea
of what sex is,

00:06:55.314 --> 00:07:00.086
that it revolves around
the straight male erection.

00:07:00.153 --> 00:07:02.088
It just overwhelmed me,

00:07:02.155 --> 00:07:05.391
haunting me, obsessing me.
Like, everything I did.

00:07:05.458 --> 00:07:08.327
♪♪♪

00:07:08.394 --> 00:07:11.197
How is it possible that no one\'s
calling bullshit on this?

00:07:11.264 --> 00:07:13.099
♪♪♪

00:07:16.969 --> 00:07:20.640
Started out creating
the word \"cliteracy\"

00:07:20.706 --> 00:07:22.909
and then creating
the \"100 Laws of Cliteracy.\"

00:07:22.975 --> 00:07:27.513
♪♪♪

00:07:29.916 --> 00:07:32.718
So some of the laws
were these very serious,

00:07:32.785 --> 00:07:36.556
establishing the fundamental
right to be of the clit.

00:07:40.426 --> 00:07:42.695
And other parts
were just like, joyful.

00:07:42.762 --> 00:07:47.200
Like \"the clit is epic,
fuck yes.\"

00:07:47.266 --> 00:07:51.504
I started to have these texts
come to me at the gym

00:07:51.571 --> 00:07:53.372
listening to, you know, hip hop,

00:07:53.439 --> 00:07:55.241
and then I would just start
remixing all the songs

00:07:55.308 --> 00:07:59.178
for the clit and having
a little bit of like...

00:07:59.245 --> 00:08:02.481
bravado for the clit,
or like swagger for the clit.

00:08:02.548 --> 00:08:07.053
♪♪♪

00:08:07.119 --> 00:08:09.789
This, you know, one of
the laws of Cliteracy,

00:08:09.856 --> 00:08:12.425
this is remixing
a Big Daddy Kane lyric.

00:08:12.491 --> 00:08:15.795
- ♪ Ain\'t no half steppin\' ♪

00:08:15.862 --> 00:08:17.363
♪ I\'m Big Daddy Kane ♪

00:08:17.430 --> 00:08:19.232
♪ Ain\'t no half steppin\' ♪

00:08:19.298 --> 00:08:21.467
- This one...

00:08:21.534 --> 00:08:25.571
This is a shout out for me
for like, all the teenage girls

00:08:25.638 --> 00:08:27.158
and women over
the course of their life

00:08:27.206 --> 00:08:29.175
who are told to like,
suck a dick.

00:08:29.242 --> 00:08:31.277
Suck a dick, bitch.

00:08:31.344 --> 00:08:33.679
The laws were sort of the DNA

00:08:33.746 --> 00:08:36.249
or like the kind of
foundation of the project.

00:08:36.315 --> 00:08:38.651
From there, I started working
on the form.

00:08:40.686 --> 00:08:42.755
(man)
At the beginning,
seeing her work,

00:08:42.822 --> 00:08:45.057
I felt befuddlement.

00:08:45.124 --> 00:08:48.728
I thought I\'d understood
the general idea

00:08:48.794 --> 00:08:50.363
of what a clitoris was.

00:08:50.429 --> 00:08:52.365
And then it was like, well,
why would you wanna make

00:08:52.431 --> 00:08:55.034
a whole body of work
based around the clitoris?

00:08:55.101 --> 00:08:58.104
Why is this
an important subject?

00:08:58.170 --> 00:09:00.806
But I think nobody had taken
the time to think about

00:09:00.873 --> 00:09:05.177
these concepts, and that\'s
the challenge for any artist...

00:09:05.244 --> 00:09:07.446
- Yes.

00:09:07.513 --> 00:09:09.916
(Alex)
is how do you make
beautiful things

00:09:09.982 --> 00:09:13.185
that say something
about the culture?

00:09:13.252 --> 00:09:15.087
(Sophia)
I didn\'t know what
the reaction would be.

00:09:15.154 --> 00:09:19.091
But from the opening night,
I mean, people were just at

00:09:19.158 --> 00:09:23.863
\"The 100 Laws\"
there for a long time.

00:09:23.930 --> 00:09:26.666
♪

00:09:26.732 --> 00:09:30.136
They were posting it like crazy.

00:09:30.202 --> 00:09:32.238
The piece went viral
in \"The Huffington Post.\"

00:09:36.342 --> 00:09:39.078
So it was just like, people
were like, what is this?

00:09:39.145 --> 00:09:40.680
(chatter)

00:09:40.746 --> 00:09:42.682
And just so many people
being like,

00:09:42.748 --> 00:09:44.268
until I experienced
your project, like,

00:09:44.317 --> 00:09:47.086
I\'ve been having like,
really horrible sex, like,

00:09:47.153 --> 00:09:49.155
and I never thought that I had
any right to anything else.

00:09:49.221 --> 00:09:51.357
I don\'t even feel comfortable
saying these words.

00:09:51.424 --> 00:09:53.926
♪♪♪

00:09:58.631 --> 00:10:01.701
- Then reading \"The 100 Laws,\"

00:10:01.767 --> 00:10:05.104
it\'s just like, wow.

00:10:05.171 --> 00:10:07.707
I was like, this is true.

00:10:07.773 --> 00:10:11.744
This is... it\'s just...

00:10:18.084 --> 00:10:20.486
- I just think that it kind of
opened my eyes to like,

00:10:20.553 --> 00:10:22.621
a lot of different things

00:10:22.688 --> 00:10:26.158
that are taken away from us

00:10:26.225 --> 00:10:27.727
that we\'re like
supposed to hide.

00:10:32.798 --> 00:10:36.469
- My favorite,
\"saliva is not lube.\"

00:10:36.535 --> 00:10:37.970
(women chuckling)

00:10:38.037 --> 00:10:39.638
Do not spit on your hand...

00:10:39.705 --> 00:10:41.207
- Say it again!
(snaps fingers)

00:10:41.273 --> 00:10:43.309
- and put that on me.

00:10:43.376 --> 00:10:45.378
(laughter)

00:10:45.444 --> 00:10:48.547
- It was like deception.
Like, you\'re born with this,

00:10:48.614 --> 00:10:50.049
and you know all about
the penis.

00:10:50.116 --> 00:10:51.784
Oh, don\'t get me started.

00:10:51.851 --> 00:10:53.719
Like, you know what
it\'s like to please a man

00:10:53.786 --> 00:10:55.221
because everybody always
talks about, oh, yeah,

00:10:55.287 --> 00:10:56.622
you gotta please your man,
do this, do that.

00:10:56.689 --> 00:10:58.290
But nobody ever talks about you.

00:10:58.357 --> 00:11:01.027
- As soon as
you said \"deception,\"

00:11:01.093 --> 00:11:02.628
it kinda like hit me \'cause...

00:11:02.695 --> 00:11:06.098
My, um, last, um...

00:11:06.165 --> 00:11:08.501
sexual encounter...
kinda going,

00:11:08.567 --> 00:11:11.337
I\'m not getting the type of...

00:11:11.404 --> 00:11:12.838
- Satisfaction?
- Yes.

00:11:12.905 --> 00:11:14.206
That I need from you.

00:11:14.273 --> 00:11:16.142
And he\'s like,
what\'s wrong with you?

00:11:16.208 --> 00:11:17.928
Me not having that
understanding, I\'m, like,

00:11:17.977 --> 00:11:19.478
I was like, oh, what
is wrong with me, like...

00:11:19.545 --> 00:11:21.380
You know, you kinda
internalize on certain stuff

00:11:21.447 --> 00:11:25.351
and it\'s like, no, you\'re not
stimulating the clitoris.

00:11:25.418 --> 00:11:26.952
That deception,

00:11:27.019 --> 00:11:29.055
it ain\'t me, it\'s you, you know?

00:11:29.121 --> 00:11:30.723
Mmm...

00:11:30.790 --> 00:11:32.525
All the deceit.

00:11:32.591 --> 00:11:34.126
(laughter)

00:11:34.193 --> 00:11:36.462
♪♪♪

00:11:36.529 --> 00:11:39.899
(Stacey)
Women need to know that
they have this structure.

00:11:39.965 --> 00:11:42.435
Men are never in the dark
that they have a penis

00:11:42.501 --> 00:11:44.370
and what a penis can do.

00:11:56.649 --> 00:12:00.786
- That\'s one small step for man,

00:12:00.853 --> 00:12:04.056
one giant leap for mankind.

00:12:04.123 --> 00:12:06.926
(Stacey talking in classroom)

00:12:06.992 --> 00:12:09.995
- For some reason,
the vagina has

00:12:10.062 --> 00:12:13.099
been the seat of what
women have understood is

00:12:13.165 --> 00:12:15.768
where they receive pleasure,
and that\'s completely a lie.

00:12:15.835 --> 00:12:17.236
It\'s completely a lie.

00:12:33.018 --> 00:12:37.857
It\'s unfair that we have
to accept the lie as our truth.

00:12:37.923 --> 00:12:40.359
♪♪♪

00:12:46.165 --> 00:12:50.336
- Sexuality is purposefully
hidden from women.

00:12:50.402 --> 00:12:52.238
If you lie to someone,
if they don\'t...

00:12:52.304 --> 00:12:54.907
If they\'re not able to have
a full, holistic experience

00:12:54.974 --> 00:12:57.676
of their existence,
then you can control like,

00:12:57.743 --> 00:12:59.712
how they even can contemplate

00:12:59.778 --> 00:13:03.682
the possibility of their life.

00:13:03.749 --> 00:13:06.485
(woman)
Please put your hands
together for Coriama.

00:13:06.552 --> 00:13:08.587
(cheering and applause)

00:13:08.654 --> 00:13:10.956
- I consider myself
a pleasure priestess.

00:13:11.023 --> 00:13:13.959
I do a monthly
masturbation newsletter.

00:13:14.026 --> 00:13:15.828
- Ooh!
- Um, so, like, each week,

00:13:15.895 --> 00:13:18.264
every day on Monday, I just
give different intentions

00:13:18.330 --> 00:13:20.099
to start your week
with pleasure.

00:13:20.166 --> 00:13:21.926
When I think about pleasure,
I think about it

00:13:21.967 --> 00:13:23.569
in everyday contexts.

00:13:23.636 --> 00:13:26.839
If you want to enjoy your
full experience as a human,

00:13:26.906 --> 00:13:30.276
you have to see pleasure in
a practical, everyday sense.

00:13:30.342 --> 00:13:32.511
I don\'t even remember
the first time

00:13:32.578 --> 00:13:35.881
that I really understood
what clitoris meant,

00:13:35.948 --> 00:13:37.583
but I remember the first time

00:13:37.650 --> 00:13:41.387
I understood the orgasmic
possibilities of the clitoris.

00:13:41.453 --> 00:13:43.689
And that was like, when
I moved to Chicago at 21.

00:13:43.756 --> 00:13:45.391
Hey.

00:13:45.457 --> 00:13:46.457
- Girl, hello.

00:13:46.492 --> 00:13:48.227
- Hi.
- You\'re looking cute.

00:13:48.294 --> 00:13:51.797
I bought many options.
I\'m open to whatever you decide.

00:13:51.864 --> 00:13:53.566
- Dolan, he\'s just cool as fuck.

00:13:53.632 --> 00:13:55.067
Like, it\'s just like,
we just vibe.

00:13:55.134 --> 00:13:57.036
We have a lot in common.

00:13:57.102 --> 00:13:58.137
I like this.

00:13:58.204 --> 00:13:59.805
We\'re both queer...

00:13:59.872 --> 00:14:01.340
- You want this?
- Yeah.

00:14:01.407 --> 00:14:03.509
Yeah, I like that a lot.
That looks cute.

00:14:03.576 --> 00:14:05.110
Sometimes, you just
get tired as hell

00:14:05.177 --> 00:14:07.046
of not getting what you want.

00:14:07.112 --> 00:14:09.315
- This is, like, one option.
- No, no, I like this,

00:14:09.381 --> 00:14:11.884
but I don\'t know
about the bottoms.

00:14:11.951 --> 00:14:13.185
- Oh.

00:14:13.252 --> 00:14:14.486
- If I\'m sharing my body
with you,

00:14:14.553 --> 00:14:16.255
this should be enjoyable
for both of us.

00:14:16.322 --> 00:14:18.424
So for me it was like, well,
let\'s just talk about it

00:14:18.490 --> 00:14:20.226
like we talk about
anything else.

00:14:20.292 --> 00:14:23.128
But it took some time for me
to have the confidence

00:14:23.195 --> 00:14:25.497
and courage to express it.

00:14:25.564 --> 00:14:27.466
- Black shirt,
that could be an option.

00:14:27.533 --> 00:14:30.169
- I think you should
wear it like that.

00:14:30.236 --> 00:14:31.837
- What do you mean,
like no shirt under it?

00:14:31.904 --> 00:14:33.239
- Mmm.

00:14:33.305 --> 00:14:36.242
I don\'t wear anything
under this.

00:14:36.308 --> 00:14:37.309
- Hmm.

00:14:37.376 --> 00:14:39.278
It\'s at an art gallery.
- I know.

00:14:39.345 --> 00:14:40.779
(chuckles)

00:14:40.846 --> 00:14:44.583
- And I feel like I still have,
like, sometimes hesitation.

00:14:44.650 --> 00:14:46.652
All can you do is just...
You try to make it

00:14:46.719 --> 00:14:48.787
a lighthearted, fun experience.

00:14:48.854 --> 00:14:51.257
But it is very, you know,

00:14:51.323 --> 00:14:54.293
scary to, like, talk about...
dang, if you just put your

00:14:54.360 --> 00:14:57.096
finger a little centimeter
to the left, that will be

00:14:57.162 --> 00:14:59.898
fantastic, or, like...
(laughs)

00:14:59.965 --> 00:15:02.534
Something very like, you know,
it can be something so simple.

00:15:02.601 --> 00:15:04.903
I really don\'t feel like
putting on lotion.

00:15:04.970 --> 00:15:06.405
- You want me to put it on?
- Yeah.

00:15:06.472 --> 00:15:08.641
Can you do this boob?
Side boob?

00:15:12.378 --> 00:15:14.813
You\'re so cute.
You\'re not gonna hurt it.

00:15:14.880 --> 00:15:16.615
It was a dollar.

00:15:18.450 --> 00:15:20.686
When I think about women
in relationships with men,

00:15:20.753 --> 00:15:23.355
a lot of the time
they don\'t feel empowered

00:15:23.422 --> 00:15:26.759
to negotiate what
they actually need.

00:15:26.825 --> 00:15:30.763
Sexuality has been the medium
or the mode in which I try

00:15:30.829 --> 00:15:34.233
to get people to understand
the way that oppression works.

00:15:34.300 --> 00:15:36.435
I think pleasure is
a form of resistance.

00:15:36.502 --> 00:15:37.503
Yes.

00:15:37.569 --> 00:15:39.371
\"Uses of Erotica\"
by Audre Lorde,

00:15:39.438 --> 00:15:43.142
that\'s been like
the foundational essay
in my practice.

00:15:43.208 --> 00:15:45.811
She was saying
it\'s a level of power

00:15:45.878 --> 00:15:48.247
with being an arousing person.

00:15:48.314 --> 00:15:50.316
We all have it in some ways.

00:15:50.382 --> 00:15:52.551
The potency depends
on the person.

00:15:52.618 --> 00:15:55.954
That\'s the reason why people
want to control women.

00:15:56.021 --> 00:15:57.990
To be able to control
somebody\'s body

00:15:58.057 --> 00:16:00.693
is a very like, powerful tool.

00:16:00.759 --> 00:16:05.364
♪♪♪

00:16:22.414 --> 00:16:24.216
(woman)
Let\'s start with sex education.

00:16:24.283 --> 00:16:28.520
What do adolescents
need to know about sexuality?

00:16:28.587 --> 00:16:30.489
- Fourth and fifth grade,
start talking about like,

00:16:30.556 --> 00:16:33.559
the mechanisms behind it,
how does it work, and...

00:16:33.625 --> 00:16:36.128
what happens if things go wrong?
- What about pleasure?

00:16:36.195 --> 00:16:37.796
- Yeah.
- Discourses of pleasure,

00:16:37.863 --> 00:16:39.331
are they appropriate...

00:16:39.398 --> 00:16:40.833
- Well, I think there needs
- for children?

00:16:40.899 --> 00:16:42.868
- to be studies
to figure out what, who...

00:16:42.935 --> 00:16:45.504
- There aren\'t gonna be...
I can tell you right now,

00:16:45.571 --> 00:16:49.842
if you want to study children
and sexual pleasure,

00:16:49.908 --> 00:16:53.979
you will be taken to
a mountaintop and pushed off.

00:16:54.046 --> 00:16:56.081
Over the course
of human history,

00:16:56.148 --> 00:16:57.950
parents have controlled
the sexuality

00:16:58.016 --> 00:17:00.185
and intimacy of their children.

00:17:00.252 --> 00:17:02.354
More powerful groups have
controlled intimacy

00:17:02.421 --> 00:17:05.090
and sexuality in
less powerful groups.

00:17:05.157 --> 00:17:08.727
You know, that has
always been a site

00:17:08.794 --> 00:17:13.031
for the exercise of control.

00:17:13.098 --> 00:17:15.167
- Think it\'s so absurd
living in Utah,

00:17:15.234 --> 00:17:16.602
where you can\'t even say
the word \"sex\" in schools.

00:17:16.668 --> 00:17:19.605
- Yeah.
- We sexualize bodies.

00:17:19.671 --> 00:17:21.340
There\'s nothing inherently
sexual about knowing about

00:17:21.407 --> 00:17:23.447
what a clitoris is, right?
Like, people have them...

00:17:23.475 --> 00:17:25.611
(Lisa)
Well, its main purpose
is sexual pleasure.

00:17:25.677 --> 00:17:28.414
I take advantage of
every opportunity

00:17:28.480 --> 00:17:30.916
to speak about sexuality.

00:17:30.983 --> 00:17:32.684
And I\'m thinking to myself,
oh my god, I\'m like,

00:17:32.751 --> 00:17:35.254
talking about the clitoris
at 7:30 in the morning

00:17:35.320 --> 00:17:37.489
to these students in Utah.

00:17:37.556 --> 00:17:41.293
- I think it should be
based on the local context,

00:17:41.360 --> 00:17:43.128
and include the input
of the people

00:17:43.195 --> 00:17:44.755
that live in that
community to see like,

00:17:44.797 --> 00:17:47.166
what language they use
to talk about these things.

00:17:47.232 --> 00:17:49.468
- This is the part about
respecting everyone\'s
beliefs, like...

00:17:49.535 --> 00:17:51.737
In Utah, white Mormon men
make laws and policies

00:17:51.804 --> 00:17:53.839
and value judgments
that I have to live with.

00:17:53.906 --> 00:17:55.666
- And so you can respect
everybody\'s opinion,

00:17:55.707 --> 00:17:57.643
but certain people have
certain institutional power

00:17:57.709 --> 00:18:00.312
to enforce their opinions,
certain people don\'t.

00:18:00.379 --> 00:18:02.247
- Sexual education
right now is built

00:18:02.314 --> 00:18:04.583
to make sure that
something doesn\'t happen

00:18:04.650 --> 00:18:08.287
instead of framing
sexual education around

00:18:08.353 --> 00:18:11.190
teaching people things
with no preventative...

00:18:11.256 --> 00:18:14.359
- Or even having a vision of
what we would like adolescents

00:18:14.426 --> 00:18:16.395
to be like sexually.
- Right, right.

00:18:16.462 --> 00:18:18.764
- And if you asked
your average parent, like,

00:18:18.831 --> 00:18:21.400
\"What are your dreams
for your child\'s sexual life?\"

00:18:21.467 --> 00:18:23.168
They\'d be like, \"whaaat?!\"

00:18:23.235 --> 00:18:26.872
- Having two Mormon parents,
my parents didn\'t talk to me

00:18:26.939 --> 00:18:31.243
at all about anything.
And so it\'s like, later on...

00:18:31.310 --> 00:18:33.412
- Did you ever try to ask them?

00:18:33.479 --> 00:18:36.982
- Um, well, I...
I knew I couldn\'t.

00:18:37.049 --> 00:18:38.450
- Mmm...
- Mmm...

00:18:38.517 --> 00:18:41.019
- \'Cause, like, once
I brought up anything,

00:18:41.086 --> 00:18:42.488
then like, they just shut down.

00:18:42.554 --> 00:18:45.057
There\'s so much shame
that\'s overladen

00:18:45.123 --> 00:18:46.925
in even talking about it.

00:18:46.992 --> 00:18:51.530
♪♪♪

00:18:51.597 --> 00:18:54.500
- If respecting
the religious belief

00:18:54.566 --> 00:18:57.269
implies allowing children

00:18:57.336 --> 00:18:58.871
to grow up thinking
that there are

00:18:58.937 --> 00:19:03.175
things true about bodies
that actually are not true,

00:19:03.242 --> 00:19:07.212
you know, what\'s the obligation
to go in and correct that?

00:19:07.279 --> 00:19:12.317
♪♪♪

00:19:17.890 --> 00:19:20.325
- Little girls are not taught
about their clitoris.

00:19:20.392 --> 00:19:21.632
I mean, boys and girls both not

00:19:21.693 --> 00:19:24.196
taught about
the clitoris in sex ed.

00:19:24.263 --> 00:19:26.465
Boys are taught as
sexual and reproductive.

00:19:26.532 --> 00:19:28.634
Boys have wet dreams.
Boys have erections.

00:19:28.700 --> 00:19:32.604
Boys have desire,
and that\'s naturalized.

00:19:32.671 --> 00:19:36.441
We don\'t talk about girls
having sexual dreams.

00:19:36.508 --> 00:19:37.910
We don\'t talk about the fact

00:19:37.976 --> 00:19:42.347
that clits get erect
just like penises do.

00:19:42.414 --> 00:19:44.850
So from a very young age,

00:19:44.917 --> 00:19:49.021
little girls start to have
a split psychically from...

00:19:49.087 --> 00:19:52.257
From their ideas of what\'s
accepted about their body

00:19:52.324 --> 00:19:54.126
and the lived reality
of their body.

00:19:54.192 --> 00:19:57.629
If you look at a four-year-old,
a lot of times they will be,

00:19:57.696 --> 00:19:59.498
you know, grinding around
on their bed,

00:19:59.565 --> 00:20:02.000
doing whatever they know.
Then by the time

00:20:02.067 --> 00:20:04.036
they\'re six or eight, um...

00:20:04.102 --> 00:20:08.473
let alone 13, I mean,
they have forgotten and, and...

00:20:08.540 --> 00:20:10.709
Or they\'re just so ashamed,
they don\'t feel

00:20:10.776 --> 00:20:12.778
like they even have
a right to feel good.

00:20:12.844 --> 00:20:16.315
♪♪♪

00:20:20.852 --> 00:20:23.088
(woman)
There\'s these times in my life,

00:20:23.155 --> 00:20:27.793
I would use photographs to be
able to get back to who I was.

00:20:30.529 --> 00:20:32.097
I felt like I had to go back

00:20:32.164 --> 00:20:35.601
to this moment of happy.

00:20:36.768 --> 00:20:38.537
I am Pakistani.

00:20:38.604 --> 00:20:40.739
I grew up in
the suburbs of Chicago,

00:20:40.806 --> 00:20:43.041
but my parents worked
in Saudi Arabia.

00:20:43.108 --> 00:20:47.479
So I actually went to an
all-girls middle school there.

00:20:47.546 --> 00:20:50.349
This was right before
I moved to Saudi Arabia.

00:20:50.415 --> 00:20:52.284
So I was like
ten and a half years old.

00:20:52.351 --> 00:20:54.019
It was the person
that I was, and then

00:20:54.086 --> 00:20:55.887
when I moved to Saudi Arabia,
a lot of that

00:20:55.954 --> 00:20:58.390
got taken away from me.

00:21:00.559 --> 00:21:03.528
That\'s me right there,
it\'s kind of sad.

00:21:03.595 --> 00:21:05.130
(insects chirping,
clock ticking)

00:21:05.197 --> 00:21:06.632
In Saudi Arabia,

00:21:06.698 --> 00:21:08.567
I had developed insomnia,
I couldn\'t sleep.

00:21:08.634 --> 00:21:11.937
I was just very uncomfortable
in my life and myself.

00:21:12.004 --> 00:21:13.872
And I also had
a huge weight gain.

00:21:13.939 --> 00:21:16.008
And I remember this trip
of going to the beach

00:21:16.074 --> 00:21:18.810
and just feeling like
I was no longer myself.

00:21:18.877 --> 00:21:21.113
So this was like, this picture
I would always look at

00:21:21.179 --> 00:21:24.149
and be like, never again.
(shutter clicking)

00:21:24.216 --> 00:21:28.520
♪♪♪

00:21:28.587 --> 00:21:31.857
From a young age,
I was really into dancing.

00:21:31.923 --> 00:21:35.527
I thought that I could be
as good as a Bollywood dancer.

00:21:35.594 --> 00:21:39.164
And I did an Arabic dance
at a wedding.

00:21:39.231 --> 00:21:41.767
After that, I did get a lot
of negative attention.

00:21:41.833 --> 00:21:43.969
Like, these boys
tried to touch my boobs.

00:21:44.036 --> 00:21:45.737
And there were a couple uncles
who told me,

00:21:45.804 --> 00:21:48.206
ask me to sit on their lap,
and just shit like that.

00:21:48.273 --> 00:21:51.410
So you\'re just like,
oh my god, I did this to myself.

00:21:51.476 --> 00:21:54.413
Why did I do this?
Why did I dance?

00:21:54.479 --> 00:21:55.814
It was such a guilty act.

00:21:55.881 --> 00:21:58.650
It was so...
It was such a bad thing.

00:21:58.717 --> 00:22:01.753
But I didn\'t even know why.

00:22:01.820 --> 00:22:05.323
So I grew up with
this internal shame.

00:22:05.390 --> 00:22:10.462
♪♪♪

00:22:15.434 --> 00:22:16.768
That\'s my goddaughter.

00:22:16.835 --> 00:22:18.136
Ruqs, come here.

00:22:18.203 --> 00:22:20.605
Last week, we were putting
makeup on each other.

00:22:20.672 --> 00:22:24.910
- We found a makeup... a lipstick
sample in a magazine.

00:22:24.976 --> 00:22:27.212
So we were like,
ooh, let\'s go try this out.

00:22:27.279 --> 00:22:28.880
So we went and we
sat over there.

00:22:28.947 --> 00:22:30.716
- Well, you were
being shy about it

00:22:30.782 --> 00:22:33.251
because her mom says she\'s
not allowed to wear makeup

00:22:33.318 --> 00:22:34.720
\'cause she loves makeup
too much.

00:22:34.786 --> 00:22:37.022
So it was like,
this Christian Dior red lipstick

00:22:37.089 --> 00:22:39.524
and once I put it on her
and she looked in the mirror,

00:22:39.591 --> 00:22:42.627
and like, it was like
a full-on transformation.

00:22:42.694 --> 00:22:44.362
- I kept it on till
the next morning.

00:22:44.429 --> 00:22:45.831
- Did you really?
(laughs)

00:22:45.897 --> 00:22:47.733
I did too, I did too.
(Ruqayyah laughing)

00:22:47.799 --> 00:22:51.670
I really wanna be there
in, like, the fun times

00:22:51.737 --> 00:22:54.306
so that when she does have
to have difficult conversations,

00:22:54.372 --> 00:22:57.175
she knows that, you know,
Auntie Umnia is there for her.

00:22:57.242 --> 00:23:00.512
Because I didn\'t... I didn\'t have
that when I was growing up.

00:23:00.579 --> 00:23:02.714
When I was growing up,
it was like,

00:23:02.781 --> 00:23:04.883
you don\'t go to prom,
you don\'t go to homecoming.

00:23:04.950 --> 00:23:08.019
You mention a boy
and you\'re grounded.

00:23:08.086 --> 00:23:10.722
You know, \"Get in the kitchen
and make kabobs.\"

00:23:10.789 --> 00:23:14.793
Then I went
to Loyola University.

00:23:14.860 --> 00:23:18.997
I started hanging out with
these new people at my dorms.

00:23:19.064 --> 00:23:21.733
There were like, strippers
coming through for like,

00:23:21.800 --> 00:23:23.920
someone\'s 21st birthday part...
I mean, it was just...

00:23:23.969 --> 00:23:26.938
It wasn\'t... it was just
a wild dorm environment.

00:23:27.005 --> 00:23:29.841
It was Amer...
It was very American.

00:23:29.908 --> 00:23:31.109
♪

00:23:31.176 --> 00:23:34.579
And nobody\'s a virgin
at this point.

00:23:34.646 --> 00:23:36.548
You know, anyone
I\'m talking to is like,

00:23:36.615 --> 00:23:39.518
oh, I\'m not a virgin, whatever,

00:23:39.584 --> 00:23:41.586
that\'s for the birds, you know?

00:23:41.653 --> 00:23:44.589
I told my aunt that
I had kissed a guy.

00:23:44.656 --> 00:23:47.359
She was just like, \"We don\'t...

00:23:47.425 --> 00:23:50.762
We\'re not gonna...
Let\'s just not talk about it.\"

00:23:50.829 --> 00:23:52.764
I just didn\'t know how do you
get a boyfriend?

00:23:52.831 --> 00:23:55.600
Do you have sex,
do you not have sex?

00:23:55.667 --> 00:23:56.902
Two weeks later, I had sex.

00:23:56.968 --> 00:23:58.837
It was just like, boom,
here you go.

00:23:58.904 --> 00:24:01.106
I basically like
gave my virginity away.

00:24:01.173 --> 00:24:04.709
It was like, some...
Here, you take this.

00:24:04.776 --> 00:24:07.078
After the fact, it was like,
that was just really

00:24:07.145 --> 00:24:10.982
so not what I personally
would have wanted.

00:24:11.049 --> 00:24:15.086
And any American peers,
they were like,

00:24:15.153 --> 00:24:18.023
it\'s all good, just...
Just live, you know?

00:24:18.089 --> 00:24:21.393
And I was like,
I don\'t know how.

00:24:21.459 --> 00:24:25.697
I never knew how to operate
like an American girl.

00:24:29.334 --> 00:24:31.203
Bye, sweets.

00:24:31.269 --> 00:24:33.872
♪♪♪

00:24:33.939 --> 00:24:38.310
My sexual life has always
been this very like,

00:24:38.376 --> 00:24:42.280
closeted, confused space.

00:24:42.347 --> 00:24:45.050
And so even when I would
be in positions or jobs where

00:24:45.116 --> 00:24:48.220
I felt empowered, there was
a really big part of me

00:24:48.286 --> 00:24:52.257
that was disempowered
and felt very out of touch.

00:24:54.392 --> 00:24:56.194
That mark of whatever happened

00:24:56.261 --> 00:24:57.596
during those formative years

00:24:57.662 --> 00:25:00.198
never quite left me.

00:25:00.265 --> 00:25:04.202
♪♪♪

00:25:07.939 --> 00:25:10.175
- I\'m an exhibitionist.
Like, I know that

00:25:10.242 --> 00:25:11.843
about myself now, but...

00:25:12.911 --> 00:25:15.947
(laughs)
At the time, I\'m 13,

00:25:16.014 --> 00:25:20.452
and I\'m trying to wear
my low cut tank tops to school

00:25:20.518 --> 00:25:22.554
and like, whatever.

00:25:22.621 --> 00:25:24.422
My mom\'s getting upset with me.

00:25:24.489 --> 00:25:27.292
I\'m wearing a jacket and then
taking it off at school

00:25:27.359 --> 00:25:30.996
so I can show off my little
burgeoning titties or whatever.

00:25:32.831 --> 00:25:34.566
- I\'ve seen other shirts
that she has that

00:25:34.633 --> 00:25:36.201
are probably just as bad, so...

00:25:36.268 --> 00:25:39.137
(laughter)

00:25:39.204 --> 00:25:42.207
Jasmine was a stinker.
Her senior year

00:25:42.274 --> 00:25:43.909
some of the things that
would come out of her mouth,

00:25:43.975 --> 00:25:45.710
I just had to look at her
cross... crossways

00:25:45.777 --> 00:25:48.346
and just be like,
what is wrong with you?

00:25:48.413 --> 00:25:50.348
- Oh my gosh, I was terrible.

00:25:50.415 --> 00:25:52.017
(laughter)

00:25:52.083 --> 00:25:56.254
I just really felt like
she didn\'t get me.

00:26:00.392 --> 00:26:02.294
I wouldn\'t go back
to my teenage years.

00:26:02.360 --> 00:26:05.563
I feel like my teenage years
were pretty tough.

00:26:05.630 --> 00:26:09.968
I was raised very Christian.

00:26:10.035 --> 00:26:12.570
I was raised to be very modest.

00:26:12.637 --> 00:26:15.273
I could not wear
revealing clothes.

00:26:15.340 --> 00:26:19.077
Definitely sexuality was
very, very repressed.

00:26:21.079 --> 00:26:24.082
I like, had
a purity ring ceremony

00:26:24.149 --> 00:26:27.052
which is like, like,
you write like an agreement

00:26:27.118 --> 00:26:29.220
when you\'re like 13
and you\'re like,

00:26:29.287 --> 00:26:30.989
\"I\'m gonna save it
for marriage.\"

00:26:31.056 --> 00:26:33.091
I just wanna thank my mom

00:26:33.158 --> 00:26:36.995
because she\'s the one who
put me in this program.

00:26:37.062 --> 00:26:40.298
When I was younger,
parts of my identity were

00:26:40.365 --> 00:26:43.935
harder for me to understand
about myself

00:26:44.002 --> 00:26:46.838
until I like, realized
that a lot of the things

00:26:46.905 --> 00:26:51.409
I was raised in just don\'t
fit me as a person.

00:26:51.476 --> 00:26:55.313
Growing up in Kansas,
I was getting it from all sides.

00:26:55.380 --> 00:27:00.218
I grew up being told that
you do not want anyone

00:27:00.285 --> 00:27:03.488
to think you\'re a slut.

00:27:03.555 --> 00:27:05.256
The second I went to college,

00:27:05.323 --> 00:27:07.525
I did what many kids
like me did,

00:27:07.592 --> 00:27:10.261
I went off like a rocket.

00:27:10.328 --> 00:27:13.198
♪

00:27:13.264 --> 00:27:16.301
I definitely started like,
expressing myself more,

00:27:16.368 --> 00:27:18.103
especially with clothes.

00:27:18.169 --> 00:27:20.205
Suddenly being surrounded
by kids whose upbringings

00:27:20.271 --> 00:27:22.407
did not match yours
in any shape, way, or form,

00:27:22.474 --> 00:27:24.676
and realizing that
you don\'t have to do

00:27:24.743 --> 00:27:26.911
what your parents
tell you anymore.

00:27:26.978 --> 00:27:30.015
Then it was like, pushback
because there are pictures

00:27:30.081 --> 00:27:33.051
of me on Facebook where
I\'m scantily clad.

00:27:33.118 --> 00:27:35.320
(laughs)
And like...

00:27:35.387 --> 00:27:37.889
I\'m out with my friends,
and like, my vagina

00:27:37.956 --> 00:27:40.792
isn\'t out, like, I don\'t know.

00:27:40.859 --> 00:27:43.061
It would be like,
the talk of the family.

00:27:43.128 --> 00:27:47.065
- ♪ They\'ll talk about you
at the drop of a hat ♪

00:27:47.132 --> 00:27:49.000
♪ Lie about it
to your face ♪

00:27:49.067 --> 00:27:50.702
♪ When they\'re caught ♪

00:27:52.771 --> 00:27:55.774
- I got into it like this.

00:27:59.844 --> 00:28:01.112
- And you want to do the thing

00:28:01.179 --> 00:28:02.514
where you take your leg
off from there?

00:28:02.580 --> 00:28:04.416
- Yes.
- Okay, you should be...

00:28:04.482 --> 00:28:07.318
(Jasmine)
I have been stripping
for a little over two years.

00:28:07.385 --> 00:28:08.953
- directly underneath your hips.

00:28:09.020 --> 00:28:10.488
(Jasmine)
I live in a bubble,

00:28:10.555 --> 00:28:14.259
and my bubble being sexual
is not a bad thing.

00:28:14.325 --> 00:28:16.928
Boobs are boobs.

00:28:16.995 --> 00:28:19.130
(both sputtering)

00:28:19.197 --> 00:28:20.732
- You got it, you got it.

00:28:20.799 --> 00:28:22.100
(laughing)

00:28:22.167 --> 00:28:24.803
That\'s a hard one.
That\'s a hard one.

00:28:24.869 --> 00:28:27.338
So you\'re here, to flexion,

00:28:27.405 --> 00:28:30.141
so I can take
that leg off the pole.
- Yeah.

00:28:30.208 --> 00:28:33.311
(Jasmine)
I definitely had to
contend with the fact

00:28:33.378 --> 00:28:35.947
that my parents
would not like this.

00:28:36.014 --> 00:28:37.649
(chuckles)
Parents, grandparents,

00:28:37.715 --> 00:28:39.951
anyone, they\'re not
gonna like this.

00:28:43.688 --> 00:28:45.690
- Pike, stra...
There we go, nice.

00:28:45.757 --> 00:28:48.393
(Jasmine)
My mom and I butt heads
about it a lot.

00:28:48.460 --> 00:28:50.462
A lot. A lot.

00:28:53.431 --> 00:28:55.366
(Lynisha)
So I would definitely say

00:28:55.433 --> 00:28:59.304
it was my goal in life
to make sure that Jasmine

00:28:59.370 --> 00:29:03.007
did not get pregnant right out
of high school like me,

00:29:03.074 --> 00:29:04.709
\'cause I knew how hard it was.

00:29:04.776 --> 00:29:08.346
- And I didn\'t have sex until
I was like 20 years old.

00:29:08.413 --> 00:29:11.116
- I was able to prolong it
actually happening

00:29:11.182 --> 00:29:13.218
for a good month,
I was really excited.

00:29:13.284 --> 00:29:16.287
- No, you did not prolong
anything for a good month.
- I did too, I did too.

00:29:16.354 --> 00:29:17.655
- No, you didn\'t.

00:29:17.722 --> 00:29:20.058
- I delayed it a month.
I was very proud of myself.

00:29:20.125 --> 00:29:22.160
- Fine, whatever.

00:29:24.496 --> 00:29:26.564
- Have you responded
to them then?

00:29:26.631 --> 00:29:29.567
- They did email me back,
I need to email them.

00:29:29.634 --> 00:29:32.403
(Jasmine)
I\'m in the process
of getting reinstated

00:29:32.470 --> 00:29:36.007
after my leave of absence
from Northwestern.

00:29:36.074 --> 00:29:37.709
There\'s pressure from parents,

00:29:37.775 --> 00:29:40.078
they want me to
go back to school.

00:29:40.145 --> 00:29:42.180
- Because she is too smart
to not finish.

00:29:42.247 --> 00:29:44.616
- I mean...
- I can\'t wait for it to happen

00:29:44.682 --> 00:29:47.919
so she can move on

00:29:47.986 --> 00:29:52.123
to figure out what
she really wants to do.

00:29:52.190 --> 00:29:55.059
- Oh my goodness.
- We got to pray.

00:29:55.126 --> 00:29:56.528
- My mom\'s very worried about

00:29:56.594 --> 00:29:59.998
the spiritual whatever
of her child.

00:30:00.064 --> 00:30:03.501
I spent so much time

00:30:03.568 --> 00:30:06.938
having to unlearn what
I was taught as a child.

00:30:09.507 --> 00:30:11.409
But I\'ve always been

00:30:11.476 --> 00:30:15.313
this person deep down.

00:30:15.380 --> 00:30:17.382
Like, naturally.

00:30:17.448 --> 00:30:19.751
♪

00:30:19.817 --> 00:30:24.789
(Lisa)
Let\'s empower girls to
embrace their sexuality.

00:30:24.856 --> 00:30:27.525
It may look like,
too sexy to us,

00:30:27.592 --> 00:30:29.561
but that\'s a sort of
restrictive thing.

00:30:29.627 --> 00:30:32.230
It\'s like, oh, we allow the boys
to be sexy and not the girls.

00:30:32.297 --> 00:30:35.400
- There just needs to be
a baseline acceptance of the...

00:30:35.466 --> 00:30:38.703
Of the scientific fact that both
males and females are sexual

00:30:38.770 --> 00:30:41.272
and that is a natural part
of our existence.

00:30:41.339 --> 00:30:45.343
♪♪♪

00:30:52.750 --> 00:30:53.918
- Hi!

00:30:53.985 --> 00:30:56.521
She wants to do some shopping.

00:30:56.588 --> 00:30:59.023
Yeah.
- Never done this before.

00:30:59.090 --> 00:31:00.525
- Looking for...
- Looking for a vibrator.

00:31:00.592 --> 00:31:02.093
- Vibrator, okay, cool.

00:31:02.160 --> 00:31:04.562
Would you want something
internal, external, or both?

00:31:04.629 --> 00:31:06.097
- What is the difference?

00:31:06.164 --> 00:31:08.066
- Well, external is more
just clitoral stimulation,

00:31:08.132 --> 00:31:10.168
and the internal for
like, mostly G-spot,

00:31:10.235 --> 00:31:12.971
or you can get like,
a rabbit-style which is both.

00:31:13.037 --> 00:31:14.472
- I have a rabbit.

00:31:14.539 --> 00:31:17.242
- I\'ll try a rabbit.
- Rabbit, okay.

00:31:17.308 --> 00:31:19.310
What\'s really nice is it has
like, a really soft silicone

00:31:19.377 --> 00:31:21.379
and you can bend it
however you want.

00:31:21.446 --> 00:31:22.914
- Cool.

00:31:22.981 --> 00:31:24.549
- Growing up, I don\'t
really feel like

00:31:24.616 --> 00:31:26.751
I ever talked to
my female friends about sex.

00:31:26.818 --> 00:31:30.255
Definitely not in high school
and not really even in college.

00:31:30.321 --> 00:31:32.457
You know, masturbating
isn\'t something...

00:31:32.523 --> 00:31:36.194
that we say we do.
(laughing)

00:31:36.261 --> 00:31:38.229
I feel like it\'s
an unspoken thing.

00:31:38.296 --> 00:31:40.898
We\'re painted as we
want relationships,

00:31:40.965 --> 00:31:42.467
and we\'re focused on feelings,

00:31:42.533 --> 00:31:46.170
and that it totally detracts
from our needs as women.

00:31:46.237 --> 00:31:47.505
- This one is really awesome

00:31:47.572 --> 00:31:50.008
because it has
a voice control option.

00:31:50.074 --> 00:31:51.976
- (both) Whoa!
- So you can talk close to it

00:31:52.043 --> 00:31:53.144
and it\'ll vibrate.

00:31:53.211 --> 00:31:54.412
- Hey... whoa!
(vibrates)

00:31:54.479 --> 00:31:55.980
(laughing)

00:31:56.047 --> 00:31:58.816
- This part is
actually a suction.

00:31:58.883 --> 00:32:00.351
- Whoa.
- So it\'s sucks on the clitoris

00:32:00.418 --> 00:32:02.120
instead of vibrating on it.

00:32:02.186 --> 00:32:03.454
(Sunny)
That\'s pretty dope.

00:32:03.521 --> 00:32:05.290
- This one spins like this.
- Oh!

00:32:05.356 --> 00:32:07.859
- And then it has like,
a turbo mode.

00:32:07.925 --> 00:32:09.193
(laughter)

00:32:09.260 --> 00:32:11.029
- Oh God, oh, oh my lord.

00:32:11.095 --> 00:32:13.498
(laughter continues)

00:32:13.564 --> 00:32:17.001
So her woman showed us
a bunch of like...

00:32:17.068 --> 00:32:18.903
- (Nadia) Yeah.
- Lot of movement.

00:32:18.970 --> 00:32:20.705
- Yeah.
- What does that mean?

00:32:20.772 --> 00:32:22.273
- Like there\'s...

00:32:22.340 --> 00:32:25.610
(laughter, chatter)

00:32:25.677 --> 00:32:26.978
- Yeah, like the actual...

00:32:27.045 --> 00:32:29.614
shaft like, moves.
- Sure.

00:32:29.681 --> 00:32:30.982
- Wait, can I... you guys!

00:32:31.049 --> 00:32:33.251
(excited chatter)

00:32:33.318 --> 00:32:35.086
(Sunny)
One of them was called
\"the alien tongue.\"

00:32:35.153 --> 00:32:36.621
- Yeah.
(laughter)

00:32:36.688 --> 00:32:40.024
That one was weird.
- Okay, this is so not...

00:32:40.091 --> 00:32:44.162
(chatter, laughter)

00:32:44.228 --> 00:32:45.797
- Oh my God...

00:32:45.863 --> 00:32:47.131
(chatter)

00:32:47.198 --> 00:32:48.700
(Becca)
I... I have a vibrator.

00:32:48.766 --> 00:32:52.804
I bought a vibrator,
and I got it and I tried it,

00:32:52.870 --> 00:32:56.274
and it was like fine, but...

00:32:56.341 --> 00:32:59.043
It\'s literally sitting in a box.

00:32:59.110 --> 00:33:01.646
It has dust on it,
like, it\'s under my bed.

00:33:01.713 --> 00:33:03.247
It just like, doesn\'t...

00:33:03.314 --> 00:33:05.183
I don\'t know what to... like...

00:33:05.249 --> 00:33:07.085
I know what
to do with it, but...

00:33:07.151 --> 00:33:10.755
It\'s just not working for me.

00:33:10.822 --> 00:33:13.725
And I\'m 24 and feel really

00:33:13.791 --> 00:33:16.327
self-conscious about something.

00:33:16.394 --> 00:33:19.230
I don\'t think I have ever...

00:33:19.297 --> 00:33:21.733
uh, climaxed.
Everyone else has.

00:33:21.799 --> 00:33:24.969
That\'s what I imagine,
everyone else has.

00:33:25.036 --> 00:33:26.604
It\'s really easy
for everyone else.

00:33:26.671 --> 00:33:30.074
That\'s... that\'s my myth.

00:33:31.709 --> 00:33:34.779
- You know that Paul Simon line,
\"Everyone loves the sound of

00:33:34.846 --> 00:33:37.081
a train in the distance,
everybody thinks it\'s true.\"

00:33:37.148 --> 00:33:38.883
- Mm-hmm.
- It\'s kind of soothing.

00:33:38.950 --> 00:33:40.518
It\'s like being in the womb.

00:33:40.585 --> 00:33:43.321
(Becca)
I\'m very close to my mom.

00:33:43.388 --> 00:33:45.890
But I don\'t talk to her

00:33:45.957 --> 00:33:48.760
explicitly about sex.

00:33:48.826 --> 00:33:52.430
The relationship between
me and my mom isn\'t, you know,

00:33:52.497 --> 00:33:54.766
discouraging me
from sexuality, but...

00:33:54.832 --> 00:33:57.502
I probably have never said
the word clitoris to her.

00:33:57.568 --> 00:34:01.639
And we were in this apartment,
me and my brother.

00:34:01.706 --> 00:34:05.042
The first thing she does
is she dives under this bed

00:34:05.109 --> 00:34:06.944
and she goes...

00:34:07.011 --> 00:34:10.314
\"What\'s this?\"

00:34:10.381 --> 00:34:12.150
And I am horrified

00:34:12.216 --> 00:34:13.618
\'cause my brother\'s
sitting right there.

00:34:13.684 --> 00:34:15.019
(siren wails)

00:34:15.086 --> 00:34:17.722
She\'s holding it.
It\'s cylindrical.

00:34:17.789 --> 00:34:19.724
I\'m like, go back to being 14.
I\'m like,

00:34:19.791 --> 00:34:21.259
\"Nothing, Mom,
just put it back!\"

00:34:21.325 --> 00:34:23.628
Like, so, so angsty.

00:34:23.694 --> 00:34:27.198
It\'s so embarrassing.
It\'s like, it\'s this.

00:34:27.265 --> 00:34:31.702
And it\'s like, Mom,
what do you think it is?

00:34:31.769 --> 00:34:35.773
Also, why are you diving
under the bed?

00:34:35.840 --> 00:34:39.777
- Women are not given
the same encouragement

00:34:39.844 --> 00:34:43.114
as men are to explore
their bodies,

00:34:43.181 --> 00:34:45.416
to take pride in their bodies.

00:34:45.483 --> 00:34:50.488
You know, men are
talking about their genitals
all the time with pride.

00:34:50.555 --> 00:34:55.393
That\'s, like, would never
even occur to a woman.

00:34:55.460 --> 00:34:57.228
There\'s just an association

00:34:57.295 --> 00:35:00.798
of our bodies with shame.

00:35:00.865 --> 00:35:02.767
I think it does a lot of damage.

00:35:02.834 --> 00:35:06.737
It takes, I think,
a long time to undo.

00:35:06.804 --> 00:35:08.406
♪♪♪

00:35:08.473 --> 00:35:09.874
(Sophia)
Women have been taught that

00:35:09.941 --> 00:35:12.243
they don\'t even own
their own body, right?

00:35:12.310 --> 00:35:14.812
So they\'re not allowed even to
touch it, and then they don\'t

00:35:14.879 --> 00:35:17.215
own the knowledge of it, so,
like, their lover is supposed

00:35:17.281 --> 00:35:20.751
to tell them how
their body works.
But how would he know?

00:35:40.404 --> 00:35:43.341
(metal creaking)

00:35:50.915 --> 00:35:54.919
- Welcome to my Airstream.

00:35:54.986 --> 00:35:58.489
I design sex toys for women.

00:35:58.556 --> 00:36:03.394
My whole agenda is to try
to elevate the idea

00:36:03.461 --> 00:36:06.664
of what sex toys
could look like.

00:36:06.731 --> 00:36:08.599
As a designer,
when I look at a product,

00:36:08.666 --> 00:36:12.136
by looking at the materials
and the form language,

00:36:12.203 --> 00:36:13.638
you can read a lot
about the ethos,

00:36:13.704 --> 00:36:15.973
about the designer\'s intent.

00:36:16.040 --> 00:36:18.009
One of the reasons why I went
for more of a metal feel,

00:36:18.075 --> 00:36:21.546
because to me, it has
a higher tactile quality.

00:36:21.612 --> 00:36:23.347
You feel this versus a plastic,

00:36:23.414 --> 00:36:25.950
it just feels
so much more valuable.

00:36:26.017 --> 00:36:28.386
This is something that\'s like
you treat yourself.

00:36:28.452 --> 00:36:30.821
You should, you deserve this.

00:36:30.888 --> 00:36:34.659
And shame and embarrassment,
hi... hiding things

00:36:34.725 --> 00:36:37.995
just shouldn\'t be part of
that entire experience at all.

00:36:38.062 --> 00:36:40.464
Okay, so we\'re looking at the
stickers that we\'re printing.

00:36:40.531 --> 00:36:42.733
These are the three
that we already have, okay?

00:36:42.800 --> 00:36:44.669
- I\'ve not been front line on
these last few events.

00:36:44.735 --> 00:36:47.071
What\'s you and Carina...
what\'s your take

00:36:47.138 --> 00:36:48.506
of the ones you...

00:36:48.573 --> 00:36:50.808
- Front line, this one
goes really well.

00:36:50.875 --> 00:36:52.276
\"Namast\'ay in bed\"

00:36:52.343 --> 00:36:53.678
\'cause of the whole
yoga thing and stuff,

00:36:53.744 --> 00:36:55.313
people are like,
into that shit, you know?

00:36:55.379 --> 00:36:57.014
- (chuckles) Right.
- And then this one

00:36:57.081 --> 00:36:58.749
is like, I think this one
is pretty good, it\'s, like...

00:36:58.816 --> 00:37:00.585
\"Don\'t let anyone
treat you like free salsa.

00:37:00.651 --> 00:37:02.853
You\'re guac, baby girl.
GUAC!\"

00:37:02.920 --> 00:37:05.723
You know, girl power...
- I\'m just not cool enough
to get that one,

00:37:05.790 --> 00:37:09.093
so I defer to you.
- All right, whatever.
You\'re salsa, whatever.

00:37:09.160 --> 00:37:13.297
(Michael)
People should be able
to embrace pleasure,

00:37:13.364 --> 00:37:14.599
to own their pleasure,

00:37:14.665 --> 00:37:17.268
and whatever helps them
or supports them

00:37:17.335 --> 00:37:19.170
or they want on that journey
to get there, they should

00:37:19.236 --> 00:37:21.105
be able to have it and people
shouldn\'t get in the way.

00:37:21.172 --> 00:37:23.274
- \"Home is where
the pants aren\'t.\"

00:37:23.341 --> 00:37:24.775
(Michael chuckles)

00:37:24.842 --> 00:37:27.211
(Michael)
At the inception
of the brand,

00:37:27.278 --> 00:37:29.447
it seemed a bit odd
to have a brand

00:37:29.513 --> 00:37:33.017
that\'s about women
be dominated by men.

00:37:33.084 --> 00:37:36.487
And so from day one, I always
had this vision of a co-founder

00:37:36.554 --> 00:37:39.624
that was a female
industrial designer.

00:37:39.690 --> 00:37:42.893
- I had assumed that
the world that we lived in

00:37:42.960 --> 00:37:45.896
were designed and created
by men and women,

00:37:45.963 --> 00:37:49.000
because the objects we use are,
you know, used by both sexes.

00:37:49.066 --> 00:37:53.671
But once I started working,
I was just very shocked.

00:37:53.738 --> 00:37:56.574
I have mentors that I talked to.

00:37:56.641 --> 00:37:59.810
They were the only woman
in a whole entire factory.

00:37:59.877 --> 00:38:03.581
I found my experience
exactly the same.

00:38:07.284 --> 00:38:10.554
After I graduated from the Royal
College of Art in London,

00:38:10.621 --> 00:38:13.190
I remember I was
looking for a sex toy.

00:38:13.257 --> 00:38:15.626
I think this was my first
time really, like kind of

00:38:15.693 --> 00:38:17.895
looking at products and...

00:38:17.962 --> 00:38:22.566
It was just all sorts of crazy,
like, bachelorette party stuff.

00:38:22.633 --> 00:38:26.737
I just felt like,
wow, this is really wrong.

00:38:26.804 --> 00:38:29.807
Like, this is for
women\'s pleasure,

00:38:29.874 --> 00:38:33.377
and yet these objects
all look like jokes.

00:38:33.444 --> 00:38:35.613
And a huge point of that is

00:38:35.680 --> 00:38:37.481
this whole industry is called
the \"novelty industry.\"

00:38:37.548 --> 00:38:40.484
Like, a woman\'s pleasure
is not a novelty.

00:38:40.551 --> 00:38:43.454
- This is the biggest motor
we\'ve ever used.

00:38:43.521 --> 00:38:45.022
So it\'s super rumbly.

00:38:45.089 --> 00:38:46.490
(keyboard clacking)

00:38:46.557 --> 00:38:49.727
(toy vibrating)

00:38:49.794 --> 00:38:52.363
That is rumbly.
Holy shit.

00:38:52.430 --> 00:38:54.131
- Yeah, it\'s very rumbly,
I know.

00:38:54.198 --> 00:38:56.167
- Also like, the way that it
vibrates, I feel like

00:38:56.233 --> 00:38:58.869
it\'ll stimulate the internal
clitoris because it actually

00:38:58.936 --> 00:39:01.005
like, penetrates the skin.
- Yeah.

00:39:01.072 --> 00:39:04.875
You know, in looking back at
the history of these products,

00:39:04.942 --> 00:39:08.846
most of these products were
designed and created by men.

00:39:08.913 --> 00:39:12.616
♪♪♪

00:39:12.683 --> 00:39:15.019
In the late 1800s,

00:39:15.086 --> 00:39:17.588
you know, \"hysteria\"
was this disease

00:39:17.655 --> 00:39:19.557
that was like the pandemic.

00:39:19.623 --> 00:39:21.959
♪♪♪

00:39:22.026 --> 00:39:25.062
You know, where basically
any woman who was

00:39:25.129 --> 00:39:29.767
a little emotionally agitated
desirous of orgasm,

00:39:29.834 --> 00:39:32.069
they were all hysterical.

00:39:32.136 --> 00:39:34.605
And the way that this was
treated was that the doctor

00:39:34.672 --> 00:39:37.708
would manually massage them
until they climaxed.

00:39:37.775 --> 00:39:40.377
And oh boy, it really
hurt his wrists.

00:39:40.444 --> 00:39:42.813
I mean, can you imagine?

00:39:42.880 --> 00:39:44.982
So he came up with the idea
of a vibrator.

00:39:45.049 --> 00:39:48.786
So it started from
our cultural perception

00:39:48.853 --> 00:39:51.622
that female pleasure
was a disease.

00:39:51.689 --> 00:39:53.524
And so the very first vibrator

00:39:53.591 --> 00:39:55.526
were actually medical devices.

00:39:55.593 --> 00:39:58.596
♪♪♪

00:40:05.636 --> 00:40:08.739
And then in the 1960s
with the porn industry,

00:40:08.806 --> 00:40:12.476
this is where the products
as we know it came from.

00:40:12.543 --> 00:40:14.645
Designed by men,
for the male gaze,

00:40:14.712 --> 00:40:17.715
where they think
it\'s all about their penis.

00:40:17.782 --> 00:40:19.984
And you know, if you
look at them, they\'re kind
of aggressive looking.

00:40:20.050 --> 00:40:22.153
So I think at some point,
you know, their marketing team

00:40:22.219 --> 00:40:23.654
was just like, you know what,

00:40:23.721 --> 00:40:25.956
maybe we should make it
a little more cute.

00:40:26.023 --> 00:40:28.759
And then so they
added some cutesy,

00:40:28.826 --> 00:40:32.029
like bunny rabbits or dolphins
or butterflies or whatever,

00:40:32.096 --> 00:40:34.331
and then, you know,
called it a day.

00:40:34.398 --> 00:40:36.133
(dolphin squeaking)

00:40:38.702 --> 00:40:42.239
It\'s not like I was even
trying to not be a penis,

00:40:42.306 --> 00:40:45.810
but that\'s not what it\'s about.

00:40:45.876 --> 00:40:47.778
It\'s about vibration,

00:40:47.845 --> 00:40:50.548
stimulation that\'s focused
on the external region.

00:40:50.614 --> 00:40:54.051
And for that, you don\'t
need a massive product.

00:40:54.118 --> 00:40:57.488
♪♪♪

00:40:57.555 --> 00:40:59.757
When things are only designed
by men, there\'s so much about

00:40:59.824 --> 00:41:03.494
the female perspective that\'s
just not even brought in.

00:41:03.561 --> 00:41:05.429
You\'re gonna lose
so much insight

00:41:05.496 --> 00:41:09.233
and miss out on how much better
this product could be.

00:41:09.300 --> 00:41:12.002
♪♪♪

00:41:16.640 --> 00:41:18.709
- All right.

00:41:18.776 --> 00:41:22.079
So here\'s sample one,
and here\'s sample two.

00:41:22.146 --> 00:41:25.883
(Stacey)
I think that science
has been so male driven

00:41:25.950 --> 00:41:30.221
for so long that there wasn\'t
a push to figure out

00:41:30.287 --> 00:41:33.958
what the female sexual anatomy
looks like, right?

00:41:34.024 --> 00:41:36.360
Here\'s a collection
of textbooks.

00:41:36.427 --> 00:41:38.963
Some of them are more recent.

00:41:39.029 --> 00:41:43.234
Of the five textbooks here,
three do not and two do

00:41:43.300 --> 00:41:45.369
have the internal portions.

00:41:45.436 --> 00:41:47.838
(woman)
And how many pages
does the male anatomy get?

00:41:47.905 --> 00:41:50.708
- Multiple, look so here
we got, one, two...

00:41:50.774 --> 00:41:53.444
Page five now,
different views of...

00:41:53.510 --> 00:41:57.248
Cross sections of the penis
in itself, page six...

00:41:57.314 --> 00:41:58.682
If you look at the penis,

00:41:58.749 --> 00:42:01.418
they\'ll go to town
with all the nerves.

00:42:01.485 --> 00:42:04.421
The innervated, the various
arteries and veins,

00:42:04.488 --> 00:42:06.590
like, they\'ll go
to town with it.

00:42:06.657 --> 00:42:08.659
To the female sexual section,

00:42:08.726 --> 00:42:12.129
just the external portion
is shown.

00:42:12.196 --> 00:42:16.166
The clitoris is
really an afterthought.

00:42:16.233 --> 00:42:20.070
Now I\'m studying
the clitoris in mice.

00:42:20.137 --> 00:42:23.374
We extract the clitoris and
we look at specific proteins

00:42:23.440 --> 00:42:26.710
to determine whether or not
they\'re expressed.

00:42:26.777 --> 00:42:28.812
Now, why is this important?

00:42:28.879 --> 00:42:32.549
If you\'re on drugs that
treat any disorder,

00:42:32.616 --> 00:42:34.351
if we don\'t have
a good understanding of

00:42:34.418 --> 00:42:36.258
the different types of
ion channels that are in

00:42:36.287 --> 00:42:39.490
the clitoris, you can get
poor interaction with them,

00:42:39.556 --> 00:42:43.460
and maybe that could lead
to sexual dysfunction.

00:42:43.527 --> 00:42:45.029
But scientists
wouldn\'t know that

00:42:45.095 --> 00:42:46.964
because it hasn\'t been defined,

00:42:47.031 --> 00:42:49.800
it hasn\'t been characterized
from a biological perspective.

00:42:49.867 --> 00:42:53.304
The clitoris has one function,
sexual satisfaction.

00:42:53.370 --> 00:42:54.571
This is the clitoris,

00:42:54.638 --> 00:42:56.373
it wraps around
the vaginal canal.

00:42:56.440 --> 00:42:59.777
This is the part
that gets engorged with
blood during arousal.

00:42:59.843 --> 00:43:04.114
This is the equivalent
structure to a penis.

00:43:04.181 --> 00:43:05.783
Why are you not targeting that?

00:43:05.849 --> 00:43:07.918
Why are you making women
think that the reason

00:43:07.985 --> 00:43:09.887
why you cannot have
sexual satisfaction

00:43:09.954 --> 00:43:11.956
is because you\'re
just not into it,

00:43:12.022 --> 00:43:15.726
or because you have some sort
of other psychological issue?

00:43:15.793 --> 00:43:18.762
That really is the question

00:43:18.829 --> 00:43:22.499
that kind of drive
my work right now.

00:43:22.566 --> 00:43:25.602
♪♪♪

00:43:25.669 --> 00:43:29.139
(baby squealing)

00:43:29.206 --> 00:43:33.243
The challenge now of being a
mother and being a professional.

00:43:33.310 --> 00:43:37.514
I have a vision of her sleeping
and me be able to type.

00:43:37.581 --> 00:43:41.919
This never happened.

00:43:41.986 --> 00:43:44.955
I also recently
started thinking about

00:43:45.022 --> 00:43:47.324
the different phases
of a woman\'s life.

00:43:47.391 --> 00:43:50.494
When you give birth,
what happens to the clitoris?

00:43:50.561 --> 00:43:54.264
How does that affect
female sexual pleasure after...

00:43:54.331 --> 00:43:58.969
After experiencing that event?
What happens?

00:43:59.036 --> 00:44:02.306
These are basic questions that
no one has thought about

00:44:02.373 --> 00:44:04.475
the answer or no one

00:44:04.541 --> 00:44:07.845
has the courage to answer.

00:44:07.911 --> 00:44:10.848
(keyboard clacking)

00:44:10.914 --> 00:44:13.283
The website PubMed serves as

00:44:13.350 --> 00:44:16.020
a repository for
scientific papers.

00:44:16.086 --> 00:44:20.624
If you were to put in \"penis\"
in the search engine,

00:44:20.691 --> 00:44:24.928
you pull up 46,240 papers

00:44:24.995 --> 00:44:29.199
that deal with the topic
of the penis.

00:44:29.266 --> 00:44:31.268
Now, if I do the same
for the clitoris,

00:44:31.335 --> 00:44:36.073
I get a total of
2,194 papers as of today.

00:44:37.574 --> 00:44:40.177
There\'s not much that has been
done on this basic biology.

00:44:40.244 --> 00:44:41.945
And even when I put
in my subject matter,

00:44:42.012 --> 00:44:45.949
only four papers pop up.

00:44:46.016 --> 00:44:50.354
And when you think
about that, it really...

00:44:50.421 --> 00:44:53.724
gives you an understanding
of how science views

00:44:53.791 --> 00:44:55.592
female sexual satisfaction.

00:44:55.659 --> 00:44:59.797
♪♪♪

00:45:08.005 --> 00:45:10.541
- These are the ClitGlass

00:45:10.607 --> 00:45:14.044
that I used at my intervention
at the Whitney Museum.

00:45:14.111 --> 00:45:16.180
The protest was about the fact

00:45:16.246 --> 00:45:18.916
that the curation
was more conservative

00:45:18.982 --> 00:45:20.884
and, you know, more white male

00:45:20.951 --> 00:45:25.656
than it had been since
the early \'90s.

00:45:25.722 --> 00:45:27.658
And this particular exhibition,

00:45:27.724 --> 00:45:28.992
there were so many phalluses,

00:45:29.059 --> 00:45:30.694
it was like,
actually overwhelming.

00:45:30.761 --> 00:45:33.931
There was a whole room that
was just three dimensional,

00:45:33.997 --> 00:45:35.532
just dicks.

00:45:35.599 --> 00:45:38.035
♪♪♪

00:45:44.174 --> 00:45:47.945
So basically,
how they work is, um,

00:45:48.011 --> 00:45:50.214
you... similarly
to GoogleGlass.

00:45:50.280 --> 00:45:52.416
So you look through
the perspective of the clit

00:45:52.483 --> 00:45:55.185
and it refracts all the
phallocentricity in the world

00:45:55.252 --> 00:45:58.322
that\'s coming at you so you just
obtain neutral vision.

00:45:58.388 --> 00:46:00.023
♪

00:46:05.329 --> 00:46:08.398
And then also, I made
these actual clit forms.

00:46:08.465 --> 00:46:10.834
And I just asked people
to like, put a clit on it

00:46:10.901 --> 00:46:12.536
and like, clit-dazzle
the Whitney.

00:46:12.603 --> 00:46:14.538
So people were basically just
like putting it everywhere

00:46:14.605 --> 00:46:17.207
that it needed to be
as a subject in art.

00:46:17.274 --> 00:46:20.110
♪♪♪

00:46:32.022 --> 00:46:33.524
- (Sunny) Yo.
- (woman) We\'re here.

00:46:33.590 --> 00:46:35.759
- Yay.
- Yay!

00:46:35.826 --> 00:46:37.928
How was everyone\'s day?

00:46:37.995 --> 00:46:39.429
- Trying to figure out RGAS.

00:46:39.496 --> 00:46:41.398
- Yeah, how\'s that going?
- It\'s not going.

00:46:41.465 --> 00:46:43.000
- I\'m sorry.
(Andrew chuckling)

00:46:43.066 --> 00:46:46.069
Tom is going to talk
to Fionna tomorrow

00:46:46.136 --> 00:46:48.672
about me working for Fionna.

00:46:48.739 --> 00:46:50.607
- Oh, wow, big day.

00:46:50.674 --> 00:46:52.643
- Fionna\'s dope.
- Yeah.

00:46:52.709 --> 00:46:56.947
I really want to work for
a woman, so it\'s very exciting.

00:46:57.014 --> 00:46:58.294
(Sunny)
For most of my undergrad,

00:46:58.348 --> 00:47:00.651
I didn\'t think that
I can do a PhD,

00:47:00.717 --> 00:47:02.419
that I was good enough at math.

00:47:02.486 --> 00:47:05.289
- Are you finished?
- All right, don\'t judge me.

00:47:05.355 --> 00:47:06.890
- No, that\'s the first time
you\'ve ever beaten us.

00:47:06.957 --> 00:47:08.625
We always usually beat you.

00:47:08.692 --> 00:47:11.895
- What... are you
keeping track?

00:47:11.962 --> 00:47:13.630
- You know,
there is some misog...

00:47:13.697 --> 00:47:15.065
Misog-en-ee... is that...
- (women) Misogyny.

00:47:15.132 --> 00:47:16.633
- Misogyny.
Okay, let me...

00:47:16.700 --> 00:47:20.170
There is some misogyny in
like, the econ field.

00:47:20.237 --> 00:47:24.041
I think there are
definitely people that

00:47:24.107 --> 00:47:27.211
don\'t find working
with women comfortable, I guess?

00:47:27.277 --> 00:47:31.381
I don\'t know if they
necessarily show it, I mean...

00:47:31.448 --> 00:47:34.585
I mean, maybe there
are some hints of it in
our office, who knows?

00:47:34.651 --> 00:47:36.453
Classic U-Chicago, you know?

00:47:36.520 --> 00:47:39.056
- No, but the econ
departments in general...

00:47:39.122 --> 00:47:41.491
- Yeah.
Oh, I guess we can...

00:47:41.558 --> 00:47:43.827
- We have a... yeah?
- There\'s like, this forum.

00:47:43.894 --> 00:47:46.163
It\'s like Reddit for econ.
- Yeah, it\'s Reddit for econ.

00:47:46.230 --> 00:47:47.898
- Yeah, Reddit for econ.

00:47:47.965 --> 00:47:49.366
And I mean like, there are some

00:47:49.433 --> 00:47:51.668
really harsh things
said about women.

00:48:02.179 --> 00:48:06.216
(Sunny)
An analogous website like that
exists for all social sciences

00:48:06.283 --> 00:48:10.020
and sciences, but we\'re the only
one that has one that toxic.

00:48:10.087 --> 00:48:12.422
(Nadia)
Like I went to
a talk on Wednesday

00:48:12.489 --> 00:48:14.291
where every single person
who interrupted the speaker

00:48:14.358 --> 00:48:17.261
was a male and there was
one female in the audience

00:48:17.327 --> 00:48:19.296
who was asking questions,
and she was raising her hand

00:48:19.363 --> 00:48:22.666
and waiting for the speaker
to point at her.

00:48:22.733 --> 00:48:25.269
- Yeah.
We overhear so many

00:48:25.335 --> 00:48:27.404
conversations by the senior
economists.

00:48:27.471 --> 00:48:30.173
So when they\'re hiring,
we hear a lot of,

00:48:30.240 --> 00:48:32.476
\"Oh, she didn\'t do that well.

00:48:32.542 --> 00:48:35.245
But, you know, she\'s a woman,
so she\'ll probably get the job.\"

00:48:35.312 --> 00:48:37.281
It just kind of picks at you.

00:48:37.347 --> 00:48:39.016
- As someone who\'s like,
sitting in the job,

00:48:39.082 --> 00:48:40.517
like, is that why I got the job?

00:48:40.584 --> 00:48:42.552
And then you like,
doubt yourself and then...

00:48:42.619 --> 00:48:44.154
- You\'re not as good
as them, yeah.

00:48:44.221 --> 00:48:45.455
- And then it\'s just
imposter syndrome

00:48:45.522 --> 00:48:47.057
all over again,
which already like,

00:48:47.124 --> 00:48:49.293
you know, I\'ve had that
my whole life.

00:48:49.359 --> 00:48:50.761
Do I really deserve to be here?

00:48:50.827 --> 00:48:53.096
But yeah, out of
the 21 first-years this year,

00:48:53.163 --> 00:48:54.564
there are two women.

00:48:54.631 --> 00:48:55.999
- Yeah.

00:48:56.066 --> 00:48:58.235
♪♪♪

00:48:58.302 --> 00:49:00.422
The last couple of years,
I\'ve really just been trying

00:49:00.470 --> 00:49:02.973
to work on like,
you can do this,

00:49:03.040 --> 00:49:04.374
you are just as smart as them,

00:49:04.441 --> 00:49:07.544
like do not doubt yourself
constantly.

00:49:07.611 --> 00:49:11.281
And it is a struggle
every single day.

00:49:22.359 --> 00:49:26.663
I\'ve only been doing stand up
for a couple of months.

00:49:26.730 --> 00:49:27.931
Hi.
- Hey.

00:49:27.998 --> 00:49:29.333
- Hi, I\'m Sunny,
nice to meet you.

00:49:29.399 --> 00:49:31.335
- This is Vince,
Vince is one of the four.

00:49:31.401 --> 00:49:33.003
Is Damian here yet?
- Hi, nice to meet you.

00:49:33.070 --> 00:49:35.672
(Sunny)
I did not have the confidence
to do stand up.

00:49:35.739 --> 00:49:38.875
It took like,
a man\'s confidence.

00:49:38.942 --> 00:49:42.045
This male friend of mine
kept saying, just go do it,

00:49:42.112 --> 00:49:44.314
just go do it, you\'ll be fine.

00:49:44.381 --> 00:49:46.149
- So, Sunny, where else
have you done it?

00:49:46.216 --> 00:49:49.119
You said the Shithole?
- Yeah, uh, I\'m...

00:49:49.186 --> 00:49:51.421
gonna do some showcase.

00:49:51.488 --> 00:49:52.522
Yeah, it\'s hard.

00:49:52.589 --> 00:49:54.558
I know what you guys do
full time.

00:49:54.624 --> 00:49:56.093
I, like, do something
completely different.

00:49:56.159 --> 00:49:58.962
I\'m like, uhh, what
do I prioritize?

00:49:59.029 --> 00:50:00.564
- We all do.
- We all have day jobs.

00:50:00.630 --> 00:50:02.366
- Yeah.
- I do a lot of marketing.

00:50:02.432 --> 00:50:04.701
- I work for Cars.com.

00:50:04.768 --> 00:50:06.670
- I think it\'s a holistic thing.

00:50:06.737 --> 00:50:09.172
You aren\'t taught about this
part on your body

00:50:09.239 --> 00:50:13.009
because your voice isn\'t
heard in so many other ways.

00:50:13.076 --> 00:50:17.314
- Please give her a warm
welcome, she\'s gonna do some
standup for you, Sunny!

00:50:17.381 --> 00:50:22.252
(cheering and applause)

00:50:22.319 --> 00:50:24.521
- You know how they said, uh,

00:50:24.588 --> 00:50:27.324
God created mankind
in his own image?

00:50:27.391 --> 00:50:31.928
God created
fuck boys in his own image.

00:50:31.995 --> 00:50:34.931
Right? Right?
Like, ladies, does
this sound familiar?

00:50:34.998 --> 00:50:36.666
(laughter)

00:50:36.733 --> 00:50:38.869
I swear I\'ll pull out, Mary.
Like, you definitely

00:50:38.935 --> 00:50:41.438
won\'t get pregnant.
You know it just feels better.

00:50:41.505 --> 00:50:43.039
(laughter)

00:50:43.106 --> 00:50:44.808
Everything kind of happens
in parallel

00:50:44.875 --> 00:50:48.111
in terms of agency as a female.

00:50:48.178 --> 00:50:51.715
I\'m thinking academics,
social life and sex.

00:50:51.782 --> 00:50:55.952
Going into college, I didn\'t
quite realize that I\'d get

00:50:56.019 --> 00:51:00.390
mansplained to that I should
ask more for what I want.

00:51:00.457 --> 00:51:03.059
No, my type... my type is this
exactly fuck boys.

00:51:03.126 --> 00:51:07.097
It\'s got like a big overlap.
But, um, I like men who, uh...

00:51:07.164 --> 00:51:10.700
are aspiring to be sociopaths,
all right?

00:51:10.767 --> 00:51:13.870
By the time I came to Chicago,
I began to be able

00:51:13.937 --> 00:51:15.605
to negotiate better in jobs.

00:51:15.672 --> 00:51:19.476
You know, not let my male
friends dictate conversation.

00:51:19.543 --> 00:51:22.546
With that came more agency
in my sex life too

00:51:22.612 --> 00:51:25.148
that it\'s okay to speak up.

00:51:25.215 --> 00:51:26.683
Have a good night, I\'m Sunny.

00:51:26.750 --> 00:51:28.318
(cheering and applause)

00:51:38.161 --> 00:51:39.763
- Okay, next?

00:51:39.830 --> 00:51:42.032
As you do the next few
five-second drawings,

00:51:42.098 --> 00:51:45.669
think about scale.
How much space on the page
are you taking up.

00:51:49.606 --> 00:51:52.809
I feel like I\'m able to ask
for what I want,

00:51:52.876 --> 00:51:57.380
professionally
and creatively right now.

00:51:57.447 --> 00:52:00.183
Okay.
So we\'re gonna
get really compact.

00:52:00.250 --> 00:52:03.453
How do you fill the whole page
with that kind of gesture?

00:52:03.520 --> 00:52:05.589
He\'s not taking
up so much space anymore.

00:52:05.655 --> 00:52:07.057
He\'s not a tall thing,
but how you fill the whole

00:52:07.123 --> 00:52:10.460
page with that pose?

00:52:10.527 --> 00:52:13.129
Go big.

00:52:13.196 --> 00:52:16.233
But I also feel very frustrated
and stuck.

00:52:18.835 --> 00:52:23.406
I still go back
with my sexual partners.

00:52:23.473 --> 00:52:27.711
I don\'t want to want him
more than he wants me.

00:52:33.583 --> 00:52:36.786
I don\'t wanna feel too
vulnerable.

00:52:39.356 --> 00:52:43.827
I experienced a major heartache.

00:52:43.894 --> 00:52:48.698
And something that I...
that helped me that was
cathartic was writing.

00:52:48.765 --> 00:52:52.903
I finally have an order
that I like

00:52:52.969 --> 00:52:56.106
for this poetry booklet.

00:52:56.172 --> 00:53:00.110
It just was spilling out.

00:53:00.176 --> 00:53:03.880
And then it made it feel less
lonely to share it with family

00:53:03.947 --> 00:53:07.684
and friends and started to hear
stories from other women who

00:53:07.751 --> 00:53:11.788
were in love who were, like,
yes, I know that feeling.

00:53:11.855 --> 00:53:14.858
That was the original intent,
like, I just want my angry words

00:53:14.925 --> 00:53:18.295
to reach him without me

00:53:18.361 --> 00:53:20.463
actually reaching out to him.

00:53:20.530 --> 00:53:22.933
So that that guy would have to

00:53:22.999 --> 00:53:27.304
encounter them
and feel really awful.

00:53:27.370 --> 00:53:31.041
♪♪♪

00:53:31.107 --> 00:53:34.711
But that didn\'t end up being
really the motive.

00:53:34.778 --> 00:53:37.314
Because one day
I witnessed this couple

00:53:37.380 --> 00:53:41.051
get in a big fight on the bus.

00:53:41.117 --> 00:53:42.686
There was a lot of judgment.

00:53:42.752 --> 00:53:44.721
Predominantly white
folks on the bus

00:53:44.788 --> 00:53:48.959
thinking that they were throwing
a scene and being too loud.

00:53:49.025 --> 00:53:51.828
The pressures that she was
experiencing.

00:53:51.895 --> 00:53:56.700
She needs to be silent
as a female to her boyfriend,

00:53:56.766 --> 00:54:00.136
and she needs to behave
quietly in this public space

00:54:00.203 --> 00:54:02.639
as a black woman.

00:54:02.706 --> 00:54:05.108
She is so tense and quiet,
and she\'s looking straight

00:54:05.175 --> 00:54:08.511
ahead and, like, containing
something, and he is poking

00:54:08.578 --> 00:54:10.213
and prodding her
and saying things

00:54:10.280 --> 00:54:11.982
that are probably so hurtful.

00:54:12.048 --> 00:54:15.552
Assuming that because
they\'re in a public space,

00:54:15.619 --> 00:54:19.322
she won\'t embarrass him or
herself by reacting accordingly.

00:54:21.324 --> 00:54:23.760
But then she did.
She exploded.

00:54:23.827 --> 00:54:28.498
And she was crying,
and she was so angry.

00:54:28.565 --> 00:54:31.234
And no one was looking,
but I was looking

00:54:31.301 --> 00:54:34.337
\'cause I\'m, like, I wish I could

00:54:34.404 --> 00:54:36.740
lash out like that.

00:54:36.806 --> 00:54:38.908
Let\'s start getting them
loosely wrapped.

00:54:38.975 --> 00:54:41.945
Just take it...
Watch what you\'re doing, look.

00:54:42.012 --> 00:54:44.948
- Yeah, I see.
- You\'re gonna do fine.

00:54:45.015 --> 00:54:47.450
I was so shooken up and I just
felt like, man, I wish

00:54:47.517 --> 00:54:49.853
I could let her know
she\'s not alone.

00:54:49.919 --> 00:54:51.921
So then I had
an idea of, like...

00:54:51.988 --> 00:54:55.525
I should try to distribute it
on that very same bus route

00:54:55.592 --> 00:54:58.094
that she seemed
to be commuting home from.

00:54:58.161 --> 00:54:59.663
Like, how could I reach her?

00:54:59.729 --> 00:55:02.866
And then probably
maybe other women.

00:55:02.932 --> 00:55:04.434
This is some free poetry,
it\'s free.

00:55:04.501 --> 00:55:06.236
- Okay, thank you.
- Enjoy.

00:55:06.302 --> 00:55:08.405
Free poetry.
You can take that, yes.

00:55:08.471 --> 00:55:11.307
It\'s so nerve-wracking,
I don\'t know why.

00:55:11.374 --> 00:55:13.009
(laughing)

00:55:13.076 --> 00:55:15.311
Please like just... put a cap on
the coffee, Mom.

00:55:15.378 --> 00:55:17.781
- Okay.
- Put a cap on the coffee.

00:55:17.847 --> 00:55:19.049
Free poetry.
- Poetry?

00:55:19.115 --> 00:55:21.317
- Yeah. Enjoy.

00:55:21.384 --> 00:55:25.755
My neck is long from it I extend
my arm to reach for soothing.

00:55:25.822 --> 00:55:29.259
My neck hides when
I shrug with self-doubt.

00:55:29.325 --> 00:55:30.927
♪♪♪

00:55:30.994 --> 00:55:34.030
My neck holds the tension
of laying on my stomach

00:55:34.097 --> 00:55:38.802
and touching myself
not knowing if I came.

00:55:38.868 --> 00:55:41.604
My neck holds space for his

00:55:41.671 --> 00:55:44.140
stories and swallows down mine

00:55:44.207 --> 00:55:48.411
because I\'m not sure
I\'m as interesting.

00:55:48.478 --> 00:55:51.881
My neck held
its breath about him,

00:55:51.948 --> 00:55:55.752
not knowing if he can
be trusted to let me sing.

00:55:58.922 --> 00:56:01.291
(woman)
Was there something
this taught you?

00:56:01.357 --> 00:56:02.926
- Yeah.

00:56:09.265 --> 00:56:10.533
- It\'s okay.

00:56:13.002 --> 00:56:14.170
(sniffles)

00:56:18.475 --> 00:56:22.378
(sniffles, clears throat)

00:56:22.445 --> 00:56:24.247
- Yeah.

00:56:24.314 --> 00:56:27.450
Uh, that my voice matters.

00:56:27.517 --> 00:56:29.285
♪♪♪

00:56:29.352 --> 00:56:33.690
Would you like some free poetry?
It\'s just free poetry.

00:56:33.757 --> 00:56:36.526
Ma\'am, would you like some
free poetry?

00:56:36.593 --> 00:56:40.463
♪♪♪

00:56:53.676 --> 00:56:56.112
- I did not think
I was an artist.

00:56:56.179 --> 00:56:58.114
I thought that if you were
an artist, you know,

00:56:58.181 --> 00:57:00.850
by the time you were four,
you had shown your incredible

00:57:00.917 --> 00:57:04.120
gifts and you were just
on this track of genius.

00:57:06.523 --> 00:57:09.459
Come on.
Bring your stick.

00:57:09.526 --> 00:57:12.796
But when I started out
as a photographer,

00:57:12.862 --> 00:57:17.033
I was, like, let me document
my own community.

00:57:17.100 --> 00:57:20.303
So I was doing all these
portraits of my friends

00:57:20.370 --> 00:57:23.873
and lovers and, like,
primarily queer women,

00:57:23.940 --> 00:57:28.578
queer women of color, trans men,
gender queer people.

00:57:28.645 --> 00:57:30.680
And this was my world,
and this was what I was

00:57:30.747 --> 00:57:34.050
trying to show
that was so un-seen.

00:57:34.117 --> 00:57:38.121
- ♪ Ooh ♪

00:57:38.188 --> 00:57:42.892
♪ Can\'t anybody see... ♪

00:57:42.959 --> 00:57:45.962
- My practice in general
really has been focused on power

00:57:46.029 --> 00:57:48.198
and how power
is represented visually.

00:57:48.264 --> 00:57:50.967
Who gets to be the beautiful?
Who is the grotesque?

00:57:51.034 --> 00:57:53.770
Who exists in the historical
record of visual culture?

00:57:53.837 --> 00:57:56.472
Who is not important
enough to appear?

00:57:56.539 --> 00:57:59.876
- ♪ I got nobody on my side... ♪

00:57:59.943 --> 00:58:03.346
♪ And surely that ain\'t right ♪

00:58:03.413 --> 00:58:06.416
- So, it was inevitable
I think at a certain point

00:58:06.482 --> 00:58:10.954
I would think about sex and how
sex is represented visually.

00:58:11.020 --> 00:58:14.858
These are perfect for little
earring studs, right?

00:58:14.924 --> 00:58:19.829
And then also for the cufflinks
and for a tiepin, right?

00:58:19.896 --> 00:58:21.898
I get such pleasure
out of putting the clit

00:58:21.965 --> 00:58:24.167
on sort of masculine objects.

00:58:24.234 --> 00:58:27.103
♪♪♪

00:58:27.170 --> 00:58:30.907
Everything that\'s beyond just
like our base reproduce and die,

00:58:30.974 --> 00:58:33.810
that is what the clit is about.

00:58:33.877 --> 00:58:37.113
To me, the clit is a symbol
that\'s queer.

00:58:37.180 --> 00:58:41.384
And it\'s also a symbol
that\'s open to anybody.

00:58:41.451 --> 00:58:44.621
It expresses our human capacity

00:58:44.687 --> 00:58:47.624
for joy, for creativity,

00:58:47.690 --> 00:58:50.293
for philosophy, for connection.

00:58:50.360 --> 00:58:52.662
And yes, joyful sexuality.

00:58:52.729 --> 00:58:56.900
♪♪♪

00:59:04.707 --> 00:59:06.309
♪♪♪

00:59:06.376 --> 00:59:10.647
- Come on.

00:59:10.713 --> 00:59:13.449
Okay, come on.
Come on, Buddy, let\'s go.

00:59:13.516 --> 00:59:14.651
Come on.

00:59:14.717 --> 00:59:17.921
♪♪♪

00:59:17.987 --> 00:59:20.757
Come on, let\'s go.
One-two-three, go!

00:59:20.823 --> 00:59:23.059
Let\'s go, Buddy.

00:59:23.126 --> 00:59:27.297
This is why you\'ll never be
in the Westminster Dog Show.

00:59:27.363 --> 00:59:31.301
(distant chatter)

00:59:34.704 --> 00:59:38.074
- The first five years, I feel
like we\'ve been really focused

00:59:38.141 --> 00:59:41.811
on making sure we have really,
really good products.

00:59:41.878 --> 00:59:44.547
Now we wanna tell
people about it.

00:59:44.614 --> 00:59:46.749
But it turns out
that telling people,

00:59:46.816 --> 00:59:51.054
marketing and advertising
is the hardest part.

00:59:52.255 --> 00:59:54.023
- Last time, we were
talking about putting...

00:59:54.090 --> 00:59:58.261
Doing promotions on Facebook.
So this is the policy.

00:59:58.328 --> 01:00:01.531
\"Ads must not promote the sale
or use of adult products

01:00:01.597 --> 01:00:03.266
\"or services except for ads

01:00:03.333 --> 01:00:05.768
for family planning
and contraception.\"

01:00:05.835 --> 01:00:08.004
- What the fuck.
- Yeah, that rules us out

01:00:08.071 --> 01:00:10.606
promoting anything
of what we do.

01:00:10.673 --> 01:00:11.874
- Oh, I have an idea.

01:00:11.941 --> 01:00:13.276
- Wanna go to Mark\'s house?

01:00:13.343 --> 01:00:15.078
- Exactly.
That\'s exactly what I wanna do.

01:00:15.144 --> 01:00:16.879
With protest signs.
- Oh!

01:00:16.946 --> 01:00:18.081
- He\'s got a place in
the Mission.

01:00:18.147 --> 01:00:19.615
- We should take the Airstream.

01:00:19.682 --> 01:00:20.917
Yeah, we should take
the Airstream.

01:00:20.984 --> 01:00:22.352
- We should park
the Airstream in front.

01:00:22.418 --> 01:00:23.853
- Pleasure for all.
- Pleasure for all.

01:00:23.920 --> 01:00:25.655
- Yeah.
- We should totally do that.

01:00:25.722 --> 01:00:27.623
- We have bail money, right?

01:00:27.690 --> 01:00:30.059
- But this is true of Instagram.
This is true of, you know,

01:00:30.126 --> 01:00:32.929
of YouTube, of Pinterest,
of all these places.

01:00:32.996 --> 01:00:34.664
- But... I mean, like I just
sent you yesterday,

01:00:34.731 --> 01:00:37.433
all those ads about basically
Viagra but for younger men.

01:00:37.500 --> 01:00:38.835
Hims is the brand.

01:00:38.901 --> 01:00:40.536
This is an Instagram ad.

01:00:40.603 --> 01:00:42.538
- And it says \"hard made easy.\"

01:00:42.605 --> 01:00:44.674
With someone holding a pill.

01:00:44.741 --> 01:00:47.977
- They were able to get into
the subway ads.

01:00:48.044 --> 01:00:49.645
- \"Modern rocketry.\"

01:00:49.712 --> 01:00:51.247
- And it\'s a cactus.

01:00:51.314 --> 01:00:54.417
(subway announcement)
This is 50th Street.

01:00:54.484 --> 01:00:57.987
Transfer is available
to the E train.

01:00:58.054 --> 01:01:00.123
- So really what
the policy is, anything

01:01:00.189 --> 01:01:03.092
that constitutes
male pleasure is fine.

01:01:03.159 --> 01:01:06.896
But if it\'s about female
pleasure, then no, it\'s taboo.

01:01:06.963 --> 01:01:09.999
It\'s uncomfortable,
it\'s inappropriate.

01:01:10.066 --> 01:01:12.301
And we get tagged
and taken down.

01:01:12.368 --> 01:01:14.137
Something that\'s
interesting to me.

01:01:14.203 --> 01:01:15.772
You see these
Victoria\'s Secret posters.
- Yeah.

01:01:15.838 --> 01:01:17.358
- You see all of
these ads for, like...

01:01:17.407 --> 01:01:19.409
- That\'s not for contraception.
- Well, so women can be

01:01:19.475 --> 01:01:21.844
sexualized, right?
But they can\'t be sexual.

01:01:21.911 --> 01:01:23.446
Like, that\'s really
what it comes down to.

01:01:23.513 --> 01:01:25.548
- This really isn\'t about
oh, woe is us.

01:01:25.615 --> 01:01:27.083
- We can\'t do ads.
- We can\'t sell vibrators.

01:01:27.150 --> 01:01:29.585
- No.
- Like, no, this is just wrong.

01:01:29.652 --> 01:01:31.687
It\'s a double standard.

01:01:31.754 --> 01:01:34.624
If you sort of peel it back,
there\'s these gatekeepers

01:01:34.690 --> 01:01:37.593
of information who apparently
think it\'s okay for

01:01:37.660 --> 01:01:39.695
the Russians to hack
an election or at least try,

01:01:39.762 --> 01:01:41.664
but any sort of thoughtful
conversation

01:01:41.731 --> 01:01:43.800
around pleasure
and sex is not allowed.

01:01:43.866 --> 01:01:47.570
- The earth is flat and women
only have sex to make babies.

01:01:47.637 --> 01:01:51.274
- The truth is, as long as, um,
men can access women

01:01:51.340 --> 01:01:54.077
and fuck them and women
can reproduce for them,

01:01:54.143 --> 01:01:58.748
it isn\'t a concern what
their actual experience is.

01:01:58.815 --> 01:02:01.651
- I think in
a weird way for men,

01:02:01.717 --> 01:02:06.456
your, your, I think, earliest
experiences of arousal

01:02:06.522 --> 01:02:09.892
happen when you visually
encounter something

01:02:09.959 --> 01:02:14.030
that\'s arousing and then it\'s...
There\'s a shock to that.

01:02:14.097 --> 01:02:18.000
And so that idea of pleasure
is forever tied to this idea

01:02:18.067 --> 01:02:23.005
of sight, stimulating
this other thing.

01:02:23.072 --> 01:02:27.510
Maybe because of that it\'s that
much easier to objectify

01:02:27.577 --> 01:02:30.213
the thing that you\'re seeing.

01:02:30.279 --> 01:02:33.483
And the relationship of looking
at something is, like,

01:02:33.549 --> 01:02:35.852
a very objectifying
kind of a relationship.

01:02:35.918 --> 01:02:37.987
You know, you\'re not
in a communicatory

01:02:38.054 --> 01:02:40.289
kind of posture there.

01:02:40.356 --> 01:02:42.925
You\'re just in
a consuming posture.

01:02:42.992 --> 01:02:44.227
♪♪♪

01:02:44.293 --> 01:02:45.761
That automatically
kind of puts you

01:02:45.828 --> 01:02:49.398
in a more selfish kind of place.

01:02:49.465 --> 01:02:52.168
And then, of course,
everything in the culture

01:02:52.235 --> 01:02:55.071
from pornographic movies...

01:02:55.138 --> 01:02:58.541
♪

01:02:58.608 --> 01:03:02.578
To the way that women are
treated more broadly speaking,

01:03:02.645 --> 01:03:05.781
I think encourages women
are there to be consumed.

01:03:05.848 --> 01:03:10.987
♪♪♪

01:03:26.369 --> 01:03:28.838
- Okay, so, we got
the makeup bag.

01:03:28.905 --> 01:03:32.742
Like, literally everything you
could possibly ever imagine.

01:03:32.808 --> 01:03:35.178
I got a little short dress here.

01:03:35.244 --> 01:03:37.280
It\'s like a money maker for me.

01:03:37.346 --> 01:03:38.915
This is also
a little money maker.

01:03:38.981 --> 01:03:41.184
It\'s literally just fishnet.
(chuckling)

01:03:41.250 --> 01:03:42.985
That\'s why it\'s a money maker.

01:03:43.052 --> 01:03:45.988
We\'re taught that our sexuality

01:03:46.055 --> 01:03:48.624
is bad from birth.

01:03:48.691 --> 01:03:50.259
Tah-dah!

01:03:50.326 --> 01:03:53.062
While simultaneously watching
our sexuality

01:03:53.129 --> 01:03:56.666
used to sell
everything under the sun.

01:03:56.732 --> 01:04:01.170
And being confronted with male
desire for the female body

01:04:01.237 --> 01:04:04.373
in all aspects of our lives.

01:04:04.440 --> 01:04:09.345
So to commodify yourself
and your body

01:04:09.412 --> 01:04:12.315
is an act of resistance
in my personal opinion.

01:04:12.381 --> 01:04:17.620
G-string, G-string, G-string.

01:04:17.687 --> 01:04:19.622
G-string.

01:04:19.689 --> 01:04:25.061
Because every single freaking
part of society tells you

01:04:25.127 --> 01:04:27.296
you can\'t do it.

01:04:27.363 --> 01:04:30.333
♪♪♪

01:04:30.399 --> 01:04:33.169
Stripping was the first time
I really was exploring

01:04:33.236 --> 01:04:36.739
my sexuality in this other way.

01:04:36.806 --> 01:04:40.109
Feels like every eye is on you.

01:04:40.176 --> 01:04:43.112
It gives you the shivers,
kind of, and, like,

01:04:43.179 --> 01:04:44.847
makes your body warm all over.

01:04:44.914 --> 01:04:47.717
♪♪♪

01:04:47.783 --> 01:04:50.920
Make eye contact with people
and like seeing that desire

01:04:50.987 --> 01:04:55.224
in their faces being, like,
okay, you, you, you, you, you.

01:04:55.291 --> 01:04:59.462
And, like, having it be
completely and totally okay.

01:04:59.528 --> 01:05:02.698
It just... you cannot do that
stuff in public.

01:05:02.765 --> 01:05:05.067
♪♪♪

01:05:05.134 --> 01:05:08.604
(chatter)

01:05:08.671 --> 01:05:11.907
I first got into burlesque
through one of my friends

01:05:11.974 --> 01:05:13.342
who I met dancing.

01:05:13.409 --> 01:05:16.045
- Do I know him?
- Uh, yeah.

01:05:16.112 --> 01:05:19.315
(chatter)

01:05:19.382 --> 01:05:20.983
Okay, does this look ridiculous

01:05:21.050 --> 01:05:23.452
because it\'s new
but it\'s not my skin color?

01:05:23.519 --> 01:05:25.788
- I understand your trepidation,
but it\'s fine.

01:05:25.855 --> 01:05:27.356
(Jasmine)
Yeah, okay.

01:05:27.423 --> 01:05:31.394
There\'s a certain level
of sisterhood there.

01:05:31.460 --> 01:05:36.132
Some girls are sexy.
Some girls are comedy queens.

01:05:36.198 --> 01:05:38.634
Some girls are
somewhere in between.

01:05:38.701 --> 01:05:40.369
And it\'s really fun to be
a part of that community.

01:05:40.436 --> 01:05:42.605
- I\'m sorry.
- You\'re good.

01:05:42.672 --> 01:05:45.374
This is how I die.

01:05:45.441 --> 01:05:47.176
- I\'m freaking out a little bit.

01:05:47.243 --> 01:05:49.278
I\'m very, very excited
about the show.

01:05:49.345 --> 01:05:52.048
Everybody is actually
really, really freaking awesome.

01:05:52.114 --> 01:05:55.551
I\'m just, like, ooh...
(laughing)

01:05:55.618 --> 01:05:58.120
(applause)

01:05:58.187 --> 01:06:02.091
♪♪♪

01:06:06.996 --> 01:06:10.132
- ♪ In my eyes ♪

01:06:10.199 --> 01:06:13.069
♪ Indisposed ♪

01:06:13.135 --> 01:06:15.204
♪ In disguises ♪

01:06:15.271 --> 01:06:18.374
♪ No one knows ♪

01:06:18.441 --> 01:06:20.810
♪ Hides the face ♪

01:06:20.876 --> 01:06:23.746
♪ Lies the snake ♪

01:06:23.813 --> 01:06:28.718
♪ In the sun,
in my disgrace... ♪

01:06:28.784 --> 01:06:32.388
(Jasmine)
At work, I encounter a lot of
men who think I\'m a sure thing.

01:06:32.455 --> 01:06:35.157
That\'s just a perception,
that strippers are promiscuous

01:06:35.224 --> 01:06:37.860
and that anyone can get it.

01:06:37.927 --> 01:06:42.164
For me, I\'m not really that down
for like a one-night stand.

01:06:42.231 --> 01:06:44.834
My standards are
astronomically high now.

01:06:44.900 --> 01:06:46.769
- ♪ Black hole sun ♪

01:06:46.836 --> 01:06:48.771
♪ Black hole sun ♪

01:06:48.838 --> 01:06:50.940
♪ Won\'t you come ♪

01:06:51.006 --> 01:06:53.209
♪ Black hole sun ♪

01:06:53.275 --> 01:06:55.211
♪ Black hole sun ♪

01:06:55.277 --> 01:06:57.713
♪ Won\'t you come ♪

01:06:57.780 --> 01:06:59.849
♪ Black hole sun ♪

01:06:59.915 --> 01:07:02.084
♪ Black hole sun ♪

01:07:02.151 --> 01:07:03.919
(cheering and applause)

01:07:03.986 --> 01:07:06.789
♪ Won\'t you come ♪

01:07:06.856 --> 01:07:08.724
♪ Oh yeah ♪

01:07:08.791 --> 01:07:11.227
(Jasmine)
I would definitely say
we\'re in a sexual revolution.

01:07:11.293 --> 01:07:14.730
A lot of women are feeling
a lot more empowered.

01:07:14.797 --> 01:07:16.732
It\'s okay to be a ho.

01:07:16.799 --> 01:07:20.269
Yes, that\'s a word
that is stigmatized,

01:07:20.336 --> 01:07:23.005
but we\'re taking it back.

01:07:23.072 --> 01:07:27.743
(cheering and applause)

01:07:35.785 --> 01:07:39.722
(Lisa)
My first year
of graduate school,

01:07:39.789 --> 01:07:43.793
I started to study
gay/lesbian youth.

01:07:43.859 --> 01:07:46.695
Most of the stuff was on men.

01:07:46.762 --> 01:07:50.065
So, you know, there needs to be
more done on women.

01:07:50.132 --> 01:07:52.101
- How are you?
- I\'m good.

01:07:52.168 --> 01:07:56.305
- So, I\'m trying to
address gender studies
in public administration.

01:07:56.372 --> 01:08:00.276
(Lisa)
And I just drove
all around New York state.

01:08:00.342 --> 01:08:02.311
♪♪♪

01:08:02.378 --> 01:08:06.482
And I just looked for women
to interview

01:08:06.549 --> 01:08:09.819
going to Pride parades,
coffee shops.

01:08:09.885 --> 01:08:12.888
This was before the internet.

01:08:12.955 --> 01:08:16.358
What I found was that women were

01:08:16.425 --> 01:08:19.995
changing how they described

01:08:20.062 --> 01:08:21.564
their sexual identity to
themselves

01:08:21.630 --> 01:08:24.567
from lesbian to bisexual,
from bisexual

01:08:24.633 --> 01:08:27.536
back to heterosexual
depending on who

01:08:27.603 --> 01:08:31.373
they happened to be involved
with, a woman versus a man.

01:08:31.440 --> 01:08:33.275
Increasingly they would say,
\"You know what?

01:08:33.342 --> 01:08:38.180
Things are just not
quite as rigid as I used
to think they were.\"

01:08:38.247 --> 01:08:40.015
Do your thing.

01:08:40.082 --> 01:08:42.284
Thatta girl.
You\'re so obedient.

01:08:42.351 --> 01:08:45.421
(laughs)
You\'re such an obedient girl.

01:08:45.488 --> 01:08:47.990
It\'s actually what
we\'re trying to not do.

01:08:48.057 --> 01:08:52.061
One of the earliest questions
that I started to get is,

01:08:52.127 --> 01:08:54.897
\"Well, does this mean
that there\'s no such thing
as sexual orientation?

01:08:54.964 --> 01:08:58.000
Is everyone just amorphous?\"

01:08:58.067 --> 01:09:00.402
And I don\'t think that\'s true.

01:09:00.469 --> 01:09:02.071
What I always like to say
is that, you know,

01:09:02.137 --> 01:09:05.474
people do appear to be born
with sexual orientations.

01:09:05.541 --> 01:09:08.110
And there is good evidence
that those orientations

01:09:08.177 --> 01:09:10.212
are genetically influenced.

01:09:10.279 --> 01:09:13.849
But what I think my research
shows is that those orientations

01:09:13.916 --> 01:09:18.254
don\'t provide the last word
on who you\'re capable

01:09:18.320 --> 01:09:22.124
of being attracted to
and satisfied by.

01:09:22.191 --> 01:09:27.329
♪♪♪

01:09:30.099 --> 01:09:33.536
The single most common identity

01:09:33.602 --> 01:09:36.405
to adopt in the entire course

01:09:36.472 --> 01:09:39.375
of the study is unlabeled.

01:09:39.441 --> 01:09:43.946
And the youngest generation
are much more common

01:09:44.013 --> 01:09:46.148
to not label their sexuality.

01:09:46.215 --> 01:09:49.652
To say, \"That\'s the older
generation, that\'s old style,

01:09:49.718 --> 01:09:52.688
I\'m queer.
Or, I\'m none of the above.\"

01:09:52.755 --> 01:09:57.693
♪♪♪

01:10:01.964 --> 01:10:03.732
- We can just like vape or
whatever.

01:10:03.799 --> 01:10:06.368
- You want to?
- Yeah, we might as well.

01:10:06.435 --> 01:10:09.071
- ♪ Everybody say
kiki kiki kiki ♪

01:10:09.138 --> 01:10:11.373
- Hey!

01:10:11.440 --> 01:10:16.011
(Lisa)
I\'m convinced that men
have nearly

01:10:16.078 --> 01:10:19.381
as big a capacity
for fluidity as women do.

01:10:19.448 --> 01:10:21.784
I think one of the reasons
that we may not

01:10:21.850 --> 01:10:26.589
see it as often in men,
is that our culture is much

01:10:26.655 --> 01:10:30.893
more rigid about male same
sex sexuality than women.

01:10:30.960 --> 01:10:33.262
- What do I do?

01:10:33.329 --> 01:10:34.997
- I don\'t know.

01:10:35.064 --> 01:10:37.700
(Coriama)
Dolan is the first queer
man that I\'ve dated.

01:10:37.766 --> 01:10:39.802
Oh, wait, is it taking pictures?

01:10:39.868 --> 01:10:42.538
(Dolan)
Oh, I thought it was gonna
show you what it looked like!

01:10:42.605 --> 01:10:45.741
- (laughs) This is a Boomerang!

01:10:45.808 --> 01:10:50.279
He expresses his masculinity in
ways that are kind and sweet.

01:10:50.346 --> 01:10:52.848
I like guys that are fluid.

01:10:52.915 --> 01:10:55.985
You don\'t have to deal
with a lot of the stuff

01:10:56.051 --> 01:10:59.021
that men can sometimes... he has
his stuff, but it\'s just like

01:10:59.088 --> 01:11:03.025
the way in which he was open
to me was different.

01:11:08.330 --> 01:11:10.566
- Ahh, yes!

01:11:10.633 --> 01:11:15.471
The brand-new Solid Gold Clit
in shiny gold foil.

01:11:15.537 --> 01:11:18.073
It\'s been really interesting to
me the entire time,

01:11:18.140 --> 01:11:21.243
how many men are like
buying Solid Gold Clit T-shirts

01:11:21.310 --> 01:11:24.613
and wearing them proudly,
and are all about it, you know.

01:11:24.680 --> 01:11:26.548
And are like, \"Is it okay
if I say cliteracy?\"

01:11:26.615 --> 01:11:28.817
And I\'m like,
\"Hell yeah!\" you know?

01:11:28.884 --> 01:11:33.722
And I think that there\'s a very
large contingent of men

01:11:33.789 --> 01:11:38.193
who love women who really care
about their partner\'s pleasure,

01:11:38.260 --> 01:11:40.429
and really enjoy giving

01:11:40.496 --> 01:11:44.433
and receiving, and love pussy.

01:11:44.500 --> 01:11:49.338
Creates this possibility
of alliances.

01:11:49.405 --> 01:11:51.674
We don\'t have to accept these
old ideas.

01:11:51.740 --> 01:11:54.043
We can create culture,
we can shift culture.

01:11:56.845 --> 01:12:00.149
- I see this book in
Urban Outfitters in my mind.

01:12:00.215 --> 01:12:01.884
- Yeah.
- I see it in Target.

01:12:01.950 --> 01:12:04.887
This is a book that I want
my children to have.

01:12:04.953 --> 01:12:07.156
- Right.
- My son and my daughter.

01:12:07.222 --> 01:12:08.257
- Right.
Cliteracy can\'t just be

01:12:08.324 --> 01:12:09.992
within the art world.

01:12:10.059 --> 01:12:13.696
It always has needed to exist
in a way that\'s accessible.

01:12:13.762 --> 01:12:15.564
A book seems like the best way.

01:12:15.631 --> 01:12:17.266
I mean, it\'s a tool.

01:12:17.332 --> 01:12:20.069
- But we\'ve been at this
for 18 months.

01:12:20.135 --> 01:12:21.637
- Yeah.

01:12:21.704 --> 01:12:23.338
- It\'s like, how often do you
even get feedback?

01:12:23.405 --> 01:12:26.341
- I want to read
a past letter that I got.

01:12:26.408 --> 01:12:27.609
- Yes, please!

01:12:27.676 --> 01:12:29.278
- It\'s from this
woman at Penguin.

01:12:29.344 --> 01:12:32.648
She\'s a bleeding heart liberal.
And this is her response.

01:12:32.715 --> 01:12:37.186
\"Ryan, I just can\'t.
Sorry.\"

01:12:37.252 --> 01:12:38.420
- Wow!

01:12:38.487 --> 01:12:40.089
So she\'s like triggered?

01:12:40.155 --> 01:12:42.558
Or she\'s having just
a complete just meltdown?

01:12:42.624 --> 01:12:44.760
She\'s just... she\'s just...

01:12:44.827 --> 01:12:46.267
She\'s lost her words.
- I don\'t know.

01:12:46.328 --> 01:12:48.363
- She\'s lost all...
- Well...

01:12:48.430 --> 01:12:50.899
Publishing is run by women.

01:12:50.966 --> 01:12:53.736
- Right.
- These editors are like,

01:12:53.802 --> 01:12:56.705
\"Do I want to sit in front of
200 people in my company

01:12:56.772 --> 01:12:58.407
and talk about the clit?\"
- Right, totally.

01:12:58.474 --> 01:13:00.109
- And they get scared.
- Yeah.

01:13:00.175 --> 01:13:02.811
- They\'re basically saying,
\"I can\'t say the word clitoris.\"

01:13:02.878 --> 01:13:04.413
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
- And we\'re saying,

01:13:04.480 --> 01:13:06.014
\"We need this book because

01:13:06.081 --> 01:13:08.250
people can\'t say this word!\"
- Yes, yes, thank you.

01:13:08.317 --> 01:13:10.252
- And it\'s maddening!
- Yeah!

01:13:10.319 --> 01:13:12.788
- It\'s this insane catch 22.

01:13:12.855 --> 01:13:15.157
- (sighs)
I remember like the first time

01:13:15.224 --> 01:13:17.126
I showed \"The 100 Laws of
Cliteracy.\"

01:13:17.192 --> 01:13:20.062
It was a very notable
contingency of women who would

01:13:20.129 --> 01:13:23.799
walk up and be like, \"Oh, no!\"
and just immediately turn.

01:13:23.866 --> 01:13:25.768
And also like, you know,
women who have told me like,

01:13:25.834 --> 01:13:28.637
\"I hate the word clitoris.
Like, it\'s just a gross word.\"

01:13:28.704 --> 01:13:30.606
And I\'m like,
\"What\'s gross about it?\"

01:13:30.672 --> 01:13:32.608
They can\'t put
their finger on it.

01:13:32.674 --> 01:13:34.576
I\'m like, \"Well how do
you feel about vulva?\"
\"Oh, ew, I hate that!\"

01:13:34.643 --> 01:13:36.712
\"What about vagina?\"
\"Oh, God!\" It\'s like, is it

01:13:36.779 --> 01:13:39.848
about the word or it is
about do you just have this
deep self-loathing

01:13:39.915 --> 01:13:43.752
about anything associated
with your genitals? And like...

01:13:43.819 --> 01:13:46.822
You think that just
came out of nowhere, right?

01:13:46.889 --> 01:13:49.057
- That\'s right.
Here are the facts.

01:13:49.124 --> 01:13:51.693
Pornography,
dominated by male needs.

01:13:51.760 --> 01:13:54.396
Medicine, dominated
by male needs.

01:13:54.463 --> 01:13:57.199
Contraception,
dominated by male needs.

01:13:57.266 --> 01:13:59.868
♪♪♪

01:13:59.935 --> 01:14:04.006
(Sophia)
I think that for women to

01:14:04.072 --> 01:14:08.310
talk about their sexual
experience,

01:14:08.377 --> 01:14:10.212
to name their genitals

01:14:10.279 --> 01:14:13.549
is to lose

01:14:13.615 --> 01:14:15.717
so much credibility.

01:14:15.784 --> 01:14:17.619
And we still live in a world

01:14:17.686 --> 01:14:21.256
where that is extremely
inappropriate.

01:14:21.323 --> 01:14:22.958
♪♪♪

01:14:23.025 --> 01:14:26.528
- Women reinforce patriarchy
all the time.

01:14:26.595 --> 01:14:29.665
\"Don\'t cry, little boy.\"
Or, like, \"Don\'t be so
aggressive, little girl.\"

01:14:29.731 --> 01:14:33.602
Like, this is to keep people
controlled and in boxes.

01:14:33.669 --> 01:14:35.370
♪♪♪

01:14:35.437 --> 01:14:41.476
(Sophia)
A truly free woman, her
sexuality is for herself.

01:14:41.577 --> 01:14:45.347
Some people argue that the
reason that people are so afraid

01:14:45.414 --> 01:14:48.750
of female sexuality is because
it\'s so powerful,

01:14:48.817 --> 01:14:50.619
because we have the ability

01:14:50.686 --> 01:14:53.689
for so much pleasure,
for so much desire.

01:14:53.755 --> 01:14:56.859
♪♪♪

01:14:56.925 --> 01:14:59.228
(Coriama)
It\'s frightening because women

01:14:59.294 --> 01:15:01.730
have the capacity
to change all this shit.

01:15:01.797 --> 01:15:05.200
(Sophia)
I kinda feel like over here
is a good spot.

01:15:05.267 --> 01:15:08.203
(Coriama)
I think about Audre Lorde
speaking about once you have

01:15:08.270 --> 01:15:12.507
knowledge of something
you can\'t hold yourself
of a lesser standard.

01:15:12.574 --> 01:15:15.510
And what that means, if a woman
fully understands her body

01:15:15.577 --> 01:15:20.015
and her options of pleasure,
they won\'t live in certain ways.

01:15:20.082 --> 01:15:24.019
They won\'t settle for
mediocrity.

01:15:24.086 --> 01:15:27.155
- A woman who has a great deal
of sexual awareness and a great

01:15:27.222 --> 01:15:31.426
deal of sexual independence,
um, may not want

01:15:31.493 --> 01:15:35.998
to just settle for you,
the guy who is half-assing

01:15:36.064 --> 01:15:40.168
his way through your sexual
encounter with her.

01:15:40.235 --> 01:15:44.539
I think the idea of a woman
being independent that way

01:15:44.606 --> 01:15:47.476
is deeply, deeply
threatening to most men.

01:15:47.542 --> 01:15:52.214
♪♪♪

01:15:52.281 --> 01:15:54.950
- The sad thing is

01:15:55.017 --> 01:15:57.219
a lot of men
are obsessed with sex,

01:15:57.286 --> 01:15:59.421
or paying for sex,
want more sex.

01:15:59.488 --> 01:16:02.090
Complain about the lack of sex
that they\'re getting.

01:16:02.157 --> 01:16:05.794
So you\'d think, you know,
it\'s in their interest to like

01:16:05.861 --> 01:16:09.097
be good lovers
and please their partners.

01:16:09.164 --> 01:16:12.501
But, if it\'s really about
control then it doesn\'t work.

01:16:12.567 --> 01:16:16.004
So maybe it\'s really about
control and not about sex.

01:16:16.071 --> 01:16:17.673
♪♪♪

01:16:17.739 --> 01:16:23.245
(chatter)

01:16:23.312 --> 01:16:26.682
- This is so heavy.

01:16:26.748 --> 01:16:30.452
- No, you have to wear this!

01:16:30.519 --> 01:16:33.021
- My sister\'s getting married.

01:16:33.088 --> 01:16:36.992
Man, it\'s pretty, uh,
pretty sudden.

01:16:37.059 --> 01:16:39.861
I mean, that\'s how it felt.
I mean, being here now

01:16:39.928 --> 01:16:42.564
that makes me feel like dang,
dude, this was quick.

01:16:42.631 --> 01:16:46.268
- It\'s very exciting, I guess
because I never imagined

01:16:46.335 --> 01:16:48.403
being at my own sister\'s
wedding, I don\'t know why.

01:16:48.470 --> 01:16:50.205
Very crazy, right.
- (Omar) \'Cause she always said

01:16:50.272 --> 01:16:52.240
that she didn\'t
want to get married.
- Yeah.

01:17:02.417 --> 01:17:05.253
- Have you met anybody that you
think is cute recently?

01:17:05.320 --> 01:17:08.457
- Unh-unh... no.

01:17:08.523 --> 01:17:09.658
- Do you miss that feeling?

01:17:09.725 --> 01:17:12.227
- I do.
I do, of course.

01:17:12.294 --> 01:17:15.998
But like, I was always scared of
like pursuing relationships

01:17:16.064 --> 01:17:19.634
or being more, you know,
on the girly side because

01:17:19.701 --> 01:17:21.370
I never did want
to get in trouble.

01:17:21.436 --> 01:17:23.105
- I feel like Dad had a lot to
do with that.

01:17:23.171 --> 01:17:24.740
- Yeah, but it was also culture.

01:17:24.806 --> 01:17:26.975
Like, it was scary to date.

01:17:27.042 --> 01:17:29.311
- I mean, there\'s some girls
who were really ambitious.

01:17:29.378 --> 01:17:33.648
I know friends who
would do anything to go
make out with a guy.

01:17:33.715 --> 01:17:35.317
But I was like, nope.
- Nope.

01:17:35.384 --> 01:17:36.918
- The wrath of my father.

01:17:36.985 --> 01:17:42.824
(laughs)
- The wrath of Han is too,
is too serious.

01:17:42.891 --> 01:17:46.361
Our dad definitely put
the lockdown on us too.

01:17:46.428 --> 01:17:48.196
He was very paranoid.

01:17:48.263 --> 01:17:50.332
(chuckling)
- He was very paranoid.

01:17:50.399 --> 01:17:52.701
- There\'s something about
a woman being a full woman

01:17:52.768 --> 01:17:56.338
that I think
that\'s almost intimidating.

01:17:56.405 --> 01:18:00.442
If we have experience then we\'ve
seen too much, or, you know.

01:18:00.509 --> 01:18:02.177
- Or he\'s lost control.

01:18:02.244 --> 01:18:05.347
You have to be respectful, you
have to uphold these values.

01:18:05.414 --> 01:18:09.551
And if you are vocal and open
about your sexuality,

01:18:09.618 --> 01:18:13.088
then you\'re not meeting that
expectation, you\'re actually

01:18:13.155 --> 01:18:15.457
tarnishing it,
I guess in my dad\'s eyes.

01:18:15.524 --> 01:18:18.860
- He wants us to just be like
his nice daughters

01:18:18.927 --> 01:18:21.997
who get married to a nice guy
and then it\'s...

01:18:22.064 --> 01:18:26.001
- And then it\'s the guy\'s
responsibility to handle like,

01:18:26.068 --> 01:18:31.473
you know, our vocalness or
(laughs) whatever it is.

01:18:31.540 --> 01:18:33.675
♪♪♪

01:18:33.742 --> 01:18:36.912
(Umnia)
I was 26, you know, turning 27.

01:18:36.978 --> 01:18:38.680
For the first time in my life,

01:18:38.747 --> 01:18:42.384
I actually started to
feel sexual.

01:18:42.451 --> 01:18:46.488
I was really yearning for
a real... like a relationship.

01:18:46.555 --> 01:18:49.791
There was an acquaintance
of my brother\'s.

01:18:49.858 --> 01:18:55.197
He was fundamentalist Muslim
and looking to get married.

01:18:55.263 --> 01:18:58.200
And I don\'t know, I just thought

01:18:58.266 --> 01:19:01.136
that\'s what God
maybe had destined for me.

01:19:03.338 --> 01:19:06.374
You know, my family was proud
of me that I was getting married

01:19:06.441 --> 01:19:10.145
and there was some sense
of like accomplishment in that.

01:19:12.514 --> 01:19:16.685
Before I got married,
we had not even kissed

01:19:16.751 --> 01:19:20.922
because he was just on this very
huge fundamentalist like,

01:19:20.989 --> 01:19:22.357
\"We will not kiss.\"

01:19:22.424 --> 01:19:25.994
And later I understand
it was a control...

01:19:26.061 --> 01:19:28.797
It was actually a manipulative
control mechanism.

01:19:28.864 --> 01:19:31.933
It was like, how do you take...

01:19:32.000 --> 01:19:34.035
Like, he took so much
of the control out of it.

01:19:34.102 --> 01:19:36.004
If I had kissed him
before we got married,

01:19:36.071 --> 01:19:38.273
I would have been like,
\"This is terrible.\"

01:19:38.340 --> 01:19:41.076
♪♪♪

01:19:41.143 --> 01:19:45.313
I was very passive about it.

01:19:45.380 --> 01:19:51.119
And I thought this
will be the safer path.

01:19:51.186 --> 01:19:56.625
So then I got married,

01:19:56.691 --> 01:20:00.795
and then it was just, yeah,
it was, like, total disaster.

01:20:00.862 --> 01:20:03.398
(laughs)
It was just so bad.

01:20:03.465 --> 01:20:05.800
♪♪♪

01:20:05.867 --> 01:20:08.270
So the guy that
I married was a virgin.

01:20:08.336 --> 01:20:12.607
So I lied, and I said
I was a virgin too.

01:20:12.674 --> 01:20:15.277
I mean, I remember in that
moment thinking, if I tell him

01:20:15.343 --> 01:20:19.214
I\'m not a virgin what if he goes
around and tells everybody...

01:20:19.281 --> 01:20:23.218
\"Hey, Omar,
your sister\'s not a virgin.\"

01:20:23.285 --> 01:20:24.786
And then I remember
the wedding night he was, like,

01:20:24.853 --> 01:20:28.123
just like, he was just
completely

01:20:28.190 --> 01:20:29.958
inexperienced
and like had no idea.

01:20:30.025 --> 01:20:32.861
And I had to pretend
like I had no idea.

01:20:32.928 --> 01:20:35.430
And then, he even would say
things like,

01:20:35.497 --> 01:20:38.533
\"Well, we\'ll have to check
the sheets to see if you bleed.\"

01:20:38.600 --> 01:20:41.369
And I was like...
I was, like, why am I...

01:20:41.436 --> 01:20:44.472
I mean, it was
like I was acting.

01:20:44.539 --> 01:20:48.109
I really don\'t feel like myself.
It\'s weird.

01:20:48.176 --> 01:20:50.478
And I don\'t have my contact
lenses on again

01:20:50.545 --> 01:20:53.748
because I failed
to get them in time.

01:20:53.815 --> 01:20:56.218
So I\'m kind of blind.

01:20:56.284 --> 01:21:00.322
I don\'t know, I was
expecting it to be like...

01:21:00.388 --> 01:21:03.225
Um...

01:21:03.291 --> 01:21:07.963
I don\'t know, just different.

01:21:08.029 --> 01:21:13.168
Our sex life was horrendous.

01:21:13.235 --> 01:21:16.504
As if my job was to just make
sure that I was

01:21:16.571 --> 01:21:20.942
a vessel for him,
and that was it.

01:21:28.950 --> 01:21:31.286
And he would always justify it.

01:21:31.353 --> 01:21:34.256
You know, \"Men and women
are so different because

01:21:34.322 --> 01:21:37.259
\"a man\'s genitalia
is on the outside, right?

01:21:37.325 --> 01:21:40.128
\"So, we\'re always
getting turned on.

01:21:40.195 --> 01:21:41.529
\"We\'re always having to like

01:21:41.596 --> 01:21:43.565
\"account for
this feeling that we get.

01:21:43.632 --> 01:21:46.501
And like, anything happens
and I\'m just getting turned on.\"

01:21:46.568 --> 01:21:49.604
And he was like, \"But, you
know, for you, you\'re so lucky.

01:21:49.671 --> 01:21:52.841
\"As a woman you just don\'t
have to feel anything,

01:21:52.907 --> 01:21:54.542
\'cause it\'s all inside.\"

01:21:54.609 --> 01:21:56.311
You know, and I had a lot of
friends who are more experienced

01:21:56.378 --> 01:21:58.079
and they were like, \"Well does
he go down on you?

01:21:58.146 --> 01:21:59.748
Does he do this?
Does he touch you?\"

01:21:59.814 --> 01:22:01.716
And I was like, \"I mean...\"

01:22:01.783 --> 01:22:04.352
I was like, \"Hey, like
you\'re supposed to touch me.

01:22:04.419 --> 01:22:06.219
\"You\'re supposed to...
Like, what about, like,

01:22:06.254 --> 01:22:07.756
okay, you know,
like doing down?\"

01:22:07.822 --> 01:22:12.060
And he was just like,
\"No, no, no, that\'s not...\"

01:22:12.127 --> 01:22:15.196
He was like,
\"That\'s not necessary.\"

01:22:15.263 --> 01:22:16.998
(Mother)
Look at him!

01:22:17.065 --> 01:22:18.466
Look at him, please!

01:22:18.533 --> 01:22:21.002
(Umnia)
He finally did something wrong.

01:22:21.069 --> 01:22:23.071
So I can finally
justify leaving.

01:22:23.138 --> 01:22:25.974
Which was that he cheated on me.

01:22:26.041 --> 01:22:29.577
Post divorce, I would be crying
because I would have so much

01:22:29.644 --> 01:22:33.815
deep feeling and sadness
for so many things, you know.

01:22:33.882 --> 01:22:36.718
And it was really the first time
that I acknowledged

01:22:36.785 --> 01:22:41.323
that my mom, and my grandma,
and all these women that I just

01:22:41.389 --> 01:22:45.126
held up on this pedestal,
they may not be right.

01:22:45.193 --> 01:22:47.729
And they may
be suffering too, and...

01:22:47.796 --> 01:22:50.865
And I was like, whoa, the cycle
of suffering actually just keeps

01:22:50.932 --> 01:22:54.202
going, and going, and going.
There\'s no one to blame.

01:22:54.269 --> 01:22:56.738
There\'s no place where it stops.
It just keeps going,

01:22:56.805 --> 01:23:01.309
and I\'m just part of this like
cyclical suffering that\'s been

01:23:01.376 --> 01:23:04.446
probably going on in
my family for generations.

01:23:04.512 --> 01:23:08.616
♪♪♪

01:23:38.446 --> 01:23:40.215
(Sophia)
Coming to Mexico,

01:23:40.281 --> 01:23:42.150
I thought it would be like
the perfect time

01:23:42.217 --> 01:23:45.286
to create this
altar for the clitoris

01:23:45.353 --> 01:23:48.223
that I\'ve been thinking
about for years.

01:23:48.289 --> 01:23:50.925
(drill whirring)

01:23:50.992 --> 01:23:53.461
- Do you need any help,
just to prepare or something?

01:23:53.528 --> 01:23:56.564
- Um... maybe.
Not right now, no.

01:23:56.631 --> 01:24:02.370
I was raised Greek Orthodox
\'cause my mom is Greek.

01:24:02.437 --> 01:24:05.340
So I grew up going
to Greek church.

01:24:05.407 --> 01:24:08.676
I noticed pretty early on that
women were not allowed

01:24:08.743 --> 01:24:10.578
into the altar, period.

01:24:10.645 --> 01:24:12.147
Period.

01:24:12.213 --> 01:24:16.418
With a clear understanding of
sacred space belonging to men,

01:24:16.484 --> 01:24:20.321
and that women\'s permission was
based on a separate set of rules

01:24:20.388 --> 01:24:23.425
that they have decided,
such as virginity.

01:24:23.491 --> 01:24:26.161
Which outraged me,
even as a kid.

01:24:26.227 --> 01:24:29.597
- You\'re saying you\'re
hanging everything up above?
- Exactly.

01:24:29.664 --> 01:24:31.699
- So you\'re gonna put screws
into the beams?

01:24:31.766 --> 01:24:34.335
- I guess so.

01:24:34.402 --> 01:24:37.405
- Hmm.
What time is the, uh...

01:24:37.472 --> 01:24:39.240
- 8:00.

01:24:42.710 --> 01:24:44.646
I think with my mom,

01:24:44.712 --> 01:24:46.815
all the messages
that I got from the church,

01:24:46.881 --> 01:24:51.820
she got them about 500 times
more aggressively.

01:24:51.886 --> 01:24:54.856
And she still doesn\'t
have the language to talk

01:24:54.923 --> 01:24:57.892
about her experiences
the way that I do.

01:24:57.959 --> 01:24:59.527
(hammering)

01:24:59.594 --> 01:25:04.098
- My first reaction was
a little bit of a, \"Really?\"

01:25:04.165 --> 01:25:05.600
A little shock.

01:25:05.667 --> 01:25:07.635
You know, I can be a little
conservative.

01:25:07.702 --> 01:25:11.139
And so I had to take a second
look \'cause it\'s my daughter,

01:25:11.206 --> 01:25:14.476
and realize that she was
highlighting some things

01:25:14.542 --> 01:25:16.945
that we just haven\'t been
talking about for a long time.

01:25:17.011 --> 01:25:19.481
♪♪♪

01:25:19.547 --> 01:25:21.583
There were other things that,
you know, that we were taught

01:25:21.649 --> 01:25:23.751
that turned out
to be fallacies as well,

01:25:23.818 --> 01:25:25.520
and that\'s always
very disappointing

01:25:25.587 --> 01:25:29.424
and we struggle with how
to reconcile all of that.

01:25:29.491 --> 01:25:32.026
And this is one more
example of it.

01:25:32.093 --> 01:25:35.697
But for so many generations
it\'s been going on.

01:25:35.763 --> 01:25:38.933
(bell chiming)

01:25:39.000 --> 01:25:42.170
(Sophia)
Once we say that
the body is not sacred,

01:25:42.237 --> 01:25:45.406
and what\'s done to it for women
will damage it,

01:25:45.473 --> 01:25:48.109
it basically sets up a logic

01:25:48.176 --> 01:25:51.145
where women are
damaged goods, right?

01:25:51.212 --> 01:25:52.981
They\'re irredeemable.

01:25:53.047 --> 01:25:57.519
And the rape and violence
against them is acceptable.

01:25:57.585 --> 01:25:59.220
You know, we just throw
our hands up.

01:25:59.287 --> 01:26:00.722
\'Cause we\'ve already accepted

01:26:00.788 --> 01:26:04.292
that they are these easily
defiled vessels.

01:26:09.330 --> 01:26:11.499
Really religion creating
a divide

01:26:11.566 --> 01:26:15.770
between the soul and the body,
the spirit and the physical,

01:26:15.837 --> 01:26:20.942
that particularly harms women
because your only way to be pure

01:26:21.009 --> 01:26:22.443
is through virginity,

01:26:22.510 --> 01:26:25.480
and after that
they\'re tarnished forever.

01:26:25.547 --> 01:26:27.882
It\'s really so violent to women.

01:26:31.519 --> 01:26:35.189
- Violence can be many things.

01:26:35.256 --> 01:26:39.227
It doesn\'t have to look so like
vulgar or super aggressive.

01:26:39.294 --> 01:26:40.828
Like violence can also
be passive,

01:26:40.895 --> 01:26:43.231
violence can also
be non-action.

01:26:49.571 --> 01:26:52.307
The presentation of masculinity
today is very fragile.

01:26:52.373 --> 01:26:54.342
(men chanting)
No means yes!

01:26:54.409 --> 01:26:55.743
Yes means anal!

01:26:55.810 --> 01:26:58.112
No means yes!
Yes means anal!

01:26:58.179 --> 01:27:02.517
- So women were to take
a hold of their own sexuality?

01:27:02.584 --> 01:27:05.386
- Yes mean yes and no means no!

01:27:05.453 --> 01:27:07.221
- Yes mean yes and no means no!

01:27:07.288 --> 01:27:10.892
(Stacey)
The impact that
that could have on masculinity

01:27:10.959 --> 01:27:14.162
could be severe.

01:27:14.228 --> 01:27:15.797
So it\'s almost this pushback

01:27:15.863 --> 01:27:19.901
of preventing
that sort of uprising.

01:27:22.737 --> 01:27:24.539
(Sophia)
You know, like when
I did my show

01:27:24.606 --> 01:27:27.208
in the University
of The South in Tennessee,

01:27:27.275 --> 01:27:28.843
the work was shown
in the library.

01:27:28.910 --> 01:27:32.280
So all the jocks,
and the frat brothers,

01:27:32.347 --> 01:27:34.415
and the sorority sisters
were seeing it

01:27:34.482 --> 01:27:36.017
that normally wouldn\'t.

01:27:36.084 --> 01:27:38.720
Because normally the work
would be in a gallery.

01:27:38.786 --> 01:27:42.357
People basically had
a total conniption.

01:27:46.160 --> 01:27:47.662
I got death threats.

01:27:47.729 --> 01:27:50.231
And people wanted
to like attack the sculpture

01:27:50.298 --> 01:27:52.767
and like bring it
under submission.

01:27:56.037 --> 01:27:58.406
(Jasmine)
\"Do not fucking touch me.\"

01:27:58.473 --> 01:28:00.508
It\'s so hard for women
to say that.

01:28:00.575 --> 01:28:02.276
Because it\'s
so socially unacceptable

01:28:02.343 --> 01:28:03.778
for a woman to tell a man \"no.\"

01:28:05.480 --> 01:28:08.316
(indistinct chatter)

01:28:10.218 --> 01:28:13.721
(man)
I think for a heterosexual man,
you don\'t have any insight

01:28:13.788 --> 01:28:16.624
into the experience
that a woman has every day

01:28:16.691 --> 01:28:19.027
walking down the street
and how aggressive it is.

01:28:19.093 --> 01:28:20.995
And how prevalent it is.

01:28:21.062 --> 01:28:22.997
(Becca)
Yesterday I wore a dress
and this guy was like,

01:28:23.064 --> 01:28:25.133
\"I like your dress!\"
I\'m like, \"Shut the fuck up!\"

01:28:25.199 --> 01:28:29.037
I didn\'t wear this dress for you
to make a comment about it.

01:28:29.103 --> 01:28:32.006
I really felt good
walking around in it.

01:28:32.073 --> 01:28:33.941
(Coriama)
Just walking down the street,

01:28:34.008 --> 01:28:36.310
I\'d have men be like, \"I want
to stick my dick in your mouth!\"

01:28:36.377 --> 01:28:38.446
Sometimes I just be like...

01:28:39.814 --> 01:28:42.316
(woman)
I was raped
when I was 16 years old.

01:28:42.383 --> 01:28:43.718
(woman 2)
I was raped at knifepoint.

01:28:43.785 --> 01:28:45.687
(woman 3)
His hands kinda started moving.

01:28:45.753 --> 01:28:47.889
(woman 4)
He forced himself inside me.

01:28:47.955 --> 01:28:49.223
(glass shattering)

01:28:49.290 --> 01:28:50.970
(Sophia)
There was just a woman
honor killed

01:28:51.025 --> 01:28:53.728
because she was posting
these pictures of herself

01:28:53.795 --> 01:28:55.997
that were sexually suggestive.

01:28:56.064 --> 01:28:59.701
And she couldn\'t be controlled,
so she had to be killed.

01:28:59.767 --> 01:29:02.603
So much of the violence
that happens against women,

01:29:02.670 --> 01:29:06.708
it\'s really about keeping us
in our place.

01:29:06.774 --> 01:29:08.276
- I was wearing
my normal clothes.

01:29:08.342 --> 01:29:09.744
- \"Well, let\'s do this.\"
And he started touching me.

01:29:09.811 --> 01:29:11.813
- I was labeled a whore.
- A slut.

01:29:11.879 --> 01:29:13.815
- Grabbed by strange men.
- I was raped on
my dorm room floor.

01:29:13.881 --> 01:29:16.217
- I was kidnapped and raped.
- When I was raped, I was 13.

01:29:16.284 --> 01:29:17.719
(lightning strikes)

01:29:17.785 --> 01:29:19.487
- Women of color,
particularly black women,

01:29:19.554 --> 01:29:21.289
like rape is a part
of colonization

01:29:21.355 --> 01:29:26.060
and a part of the experience
of being black in this country.

01:29:26.127 --> 01:29:29.197
You know, being owned
by someone.

01:29:29.263 --> 01:29:31.866
They had a right to do whatever
they wanted to to your body.

01:29:33.167 --> 01:29:35.937
(Sophia)
When I connect
to all the stories

01:29:36.003 --> 01:29:39.907
of women in my life who have
been raped, like so many.

01:29:39.974 --> 01:29:41.008
So many.

01:29:41.075 --> 01:29:42.944
- I was preyed upon
and then raped.

01:29:43.010 --> 01:29:44.612
- We are violated,
we are harassed,

01:29:44.679 --> 01:29:46.047
we are touched,
we are trapped, we\'re scared.

01:29:46.114 --> 01:29:47.682
- I was bound and had tape
over my eyes.

01:29:47.749 --> 01:29:49.183
- He kept on telling me
how much I liked it

01:29:49.250 --> 01:29:51.152
and how much I enjoyed it.
- I was so scared.

01:29:51.219 --> 01:29:54.622
(overlapping rape stories)

01:29:56.524 --> 01:29:58.626
- He talked about
pornographic materials

01:29:58.693 --> 01:30:02.463
depicting individuals
with large penises.

01:30:02.530 --> 01:30:04.365
On several occasions,

01:30:04.432 --> 01:30:07.769
Thomas told me graphically
of his own sexual prowess.

01:30:07.835 --> 01:30:11.005
- Both Brett and Mark
were drunkenly laughing

01:30:11.072 --> 01:30:12.740
during the attack.

01:30:12.807 --> 01:30:16.310
And I thought that Brett was
accidentally going to kill me.

01:30:16.377 --> 01:30:17.979
- \"How did you get home?\"
\"I don\'t remember.\"

01:30:18.045 --> 01:30:19.685
\"How\'d you get there?\"
\"I don\'t remember.\"

01:30:19.714 --> 01:30:21.048
\"Where is the place?\"
\"I don\'t remember.\"

01:30:21.115 --> 01:30:22.817
- Look at me when
I\'m talking to you!

01:30:22.884 --> 01:30:24.819
You\'re telling me that
my assault doesn\'t matter!

01:30:24.886 --> 01:30:27.288
That what happened to me
doesn\'t matter!

01:30:27.355 --> 01:30:29.490
(crowd chanting)

01:30:29.557 --> 01:30:33.294
And that you\'re gonna let people
who do these things into power.

01:30:33.361 --> 01:30:35.763
(crowd chanting)

01:30:35.830 --> 01:30:38.699
(heart beating rapidly)

01:30:48.609 --> 01:30:51.746
♪♪♪

01:31:02.990 --> 01:31:05.226
(Sophia)
This altar serves
so many purposes,

01:31:05.293 --> 01:31:08.763
but one of them is to say
that the body is already

01:31:08.830 --> 01:31:10.264
and always sacred.

01:31:22.844 --> 01:31:26.614
That can never be taken away,
it can never be tarnished.

01:31:26.681 --> 01:31:28.316
♪♪♪

01:31:28.382 --> 01:31:29.684
- ♪ Ooh ♪

01:31:29.750 --> 01:31:33.287
♪ Can\'t anybody see? ♪

01:31:37.892 --> 01:31:41.562
♪ We\'ve got a war to fight ♪

01:31:41.629 --> 01:31:43.064
(Sophia)
I want women to come in

01:31:43.130 --> 01:31:46.734
and feel honored
and feel powerful...

01:31:46.801 --> 01:31:51.239
- ♪ Regardless of
what they say ♪

01:31:51.305 --> 01:31:57.111
(Sophia)
and feel connected to who
they are on an ancestral level.

01:31:57.178 --> 01:32:00.114
♪♪♪

01:32:03.851 --> 01:32:05.491
- I think the violence
comes from a system

01:32:05.553 --> 01:32:07.488
that is meant to be violent.

01:32:07.555 --> 01:32:09.991
And how do you get
away from that?

01:32:10.057 --> 01:32:13.461
You have to literally get
rid of the fucking system.

01:32:13.527 --> 01:32:15.162
- Take one!

01:32:15.229 --> 01:32:17.465
- Action!
- What\'s up, beautiful people?

01:32:17.531 --> 01:32:21.168
Coriama here to give you some
much needed sex talk.

01:32:21.235 --> 01:32:24.305
On season one, I\'ll be chatting
with some Chicago heavy hitters

01:32:24.372 --> 01:32:28.009
and getting intimate
about burlesque, pop culture,

01:32:28.075 --> 01:32:30.211
gender bending, and self-care.

01:32:30.278 --> 01:32:32.346
Here on \"Queer the Air,\"
we understand the pursuit

01:32:32.413 --> 01:32:35.249
of our health and pleasure
as a revolutionary act.

01:32:35.316 --> 01:32:39.320
And we uplift the voices of
black, queer, and trans folks.

01:32:39.387 --> 01:32:44.025
We\'re just living in a fearful
fear-filled climate

01:32:44.091 --> 01:32:47.028
politically and culturally
in America,

01:32:47.094 --> 01:32:51.198
and so I feel like
queerness is...

01:32:51.265 --> 01:32:54.435
is literally
an option for freedom.

01:32:54.502 --> 01:32:56.170
You know what they say,

01:32:56.237 --> 01:32:58.439
you can\'t be in the presence
of a god without an offering,

01:32:58.506 --> 01:33:00.007
so give it up for Lucy Stoole.

01:33:00.074 --> 01:33:01.909
(applause)

01:33:01.976 --> 01:33:04.612
(cheering and applause)

01:33:04.679 --> 01:33:06.080
- How are you doing today?

01:33:06.147 --> 01:33:07.581
- Already look at us,
we\'re like matching.

01:33:07.648 --> 01:33:08.849
The shoes, the jacket.
(laughing)

01:33:08.916 --> 01:33:10.418
(Coriama)
So cute.

01:33:10.484 --> 01:33:12.353
But I just want to start off
by talking a little bit

01:33:12.420 --> 01:33:14.055
about your preferred pronouns.

01:33:14.121 --> 01:33:16.524
- So when I\'m in drag
it\'s \"she,\" out of drag,

01:33:16.590 --> 01:33:18.225
\"they, them.\"
- Okay.

01:33:18.292 --> 01:33:20.428
- \"She, he\" actually.

01:33:20.494 --> 01:33:23.931
In that order.
(laughing)

01:33:23.998 --> 01:33:25.967
(Coriama)
So how has your identity

01:33:26.033 --> 01:33:27.835
affected like your drag
experience?

01:33:27.902 --> 01:33:29.437
- When I started to do drag,

01:33:29.503 --> 01:33:33.874
it actually made it
a lot more comfortable for me

01:33:33.941 --> 01:33:36.877
to accept the whole
fem side of myself

01:33:36.944 --> 01:33:40.915
and how much I tried
to have that kind of
like pushed out of me.

01:33:40.982 --> 01:33:42.550
Getting into drag...

01:33:42.616 --> 01:33:45.753
(Coriama)
We manipulate
the idea of womanism

01:33:45.820 --> 01:33:49.991
of femininity
to like a specific experience.

01:33:50.057 --> 01:33:54.061
And when people like
or experience different,

01:33:54.128 --> 01:33:56.297
we tell people that
it\'s not okay.

01:33:56.364 --> 01:34:00.001
(Lucy)
I started off with Lucy,
this loudmouth girl

01:34:00.067 --> 01:34:03.604
that was gonna be saying things
that we\'re, quote unquote,
\"not supposed to say.\"

01:34:03.671 --> 01:34:05.206
(Coriama)
If you have binaries,

01:34:05.272 --> 01:34:07.675
it\'s cool that people do
live within them,

01:34:07.742 --> 01:34:09.910
but it limits
other people who don\'t.

01:34:09.977 --> 01:34:11.712
It would be different if
people were just like,

01:34:11.779 --> 01:34:13.414
\"Oh, this is what
binary people do,

01:34:13.481 --> 01:34:15.049
\"but there\'s all these other
things that other people do,

01:34:15.116 --> 01:34:16.751
and it\'s cool,
and they\'re just as free.\"

01:34:16.817 --> 01:34:18.452
But that\'s not what happens.

01:34:18.519 --> 01:34:21.655
- When you\'re not willing to
play with somebody else\'s rules,

01:34:21.722 --> 01:34:23.090
they will exclude you.

01:34:23.157 --> 01:34:24.658
As long as I\'m like being
a good person,

01:34:24.725 --> 01:34:27.161
I\'m just gonna do it my own way.

01:34:27.228 --> 01:34:28.796
♪♪♪

01:34:28.863 --> 01:34:33.300
(Coriama)
I think everyone is
a part of the resolution.

01:34:33.367 --> 01:34:36.003
Maybe you\'re just a,
you know, cis person

01:34:36.070 --> 01:34:37.571
living your cis-ass life

01:34:37.638 --> 01:34:40.608
and just, you don\'t identify
with same-gender loving,

01:34:40.674 --> 01:34:42.977
or non-binary, all these things.

01:34:43.044 --> 01:34:45.679
But I think like having
a queer lens is to understand

01:34:45.746 --> 01:34:50.017
using gender-neutral terms.
Just be okay with someone

01:34:50.084 --> 01:34:54.522
having a non-conventional
family structure.

01:34:54.588 --> 01:34:58.192
And to affirm someone
living their truth.

01:35:01.462 --> 01:35:04.999
- If you\'re gonna be
misogynistic, racist,

01:35:05.066 --> 01:35:08.969
homophobic, it\'s like,
I want to fucking laugh at you.

01:35:09.036 --> 01:35:10.604
I\'m sorry for you.

01:35:10.671 --> 01:35:13.974
I\'m sad for you that you think
that that still flies.

01:35:14.041 --> 01:35:16.210
Like the culture is moving on.

01:35:19.580 --> 01:35:21.549
- Morning!
(dog barking)

01:35:21.615 --> 01:35:23.250
(man)
What\'s up with Vesper?

01:35:23.317 --> 01:35:26.120
So when\'s it hit the line again?
- Roughly two weeks. The silver.

01:35:26.187 --> 01:35:28.489
- Okay \'cause we\'ve gotten
lots of Vesper sales

01:35:28.556 --> 01:35:29.890
the last couple weeks.

01:35:29.957 --> 01:35:32.126
So we\'re gonna get
very tight on inventory.

01:35:32.193 --> 01:35:34.328
(Ti Chang)
It really felt
like women and men,

01:35:34.395 --> 01:35:37.698
we were all very much ready
culturally to talk about sex.

01:35:37.765 --> 01:35:41.769
But it wasn\'t easy.
And so we wondered, what about

01:35:41.836 --> 01:35:45.306
if there was a vibrator
that you could wear out?

01:35:45.372 --> 01:35:51.278
It had a public life
as well as this private life.

01:35:51.345 --> 01:35:53.080
- Does the Vesper
have the option

01:35:53.147 --> 01:35:54.348
to get a custom engraving?

01:35:54.415 --> 01:35:55.649
(keyboard clacking)

01:35:55.716 --> 01:35:59.086
- (laughs) Somebody likes pizza.

01:35:59.153 --> 01:36:02.790
It\'s like a statement of your
sexuality, owning your pleasure.

01:36:02.857 --> 01:36:06.660
But also, more importantly,
it started a conversation.

01:36:06.727 --> 01:36:10.397
Women wear this to brunch
with their girlfriends,

01:36:10.464 --> 01:36:11.966
go to the club.

01:36:12.032 --> 01:36:13.901
And women would be like,
\"Oh, my God, what is this?\"

01:36:13.968 --> 01:36:15.436
And they\'ll be like,
\"Oh, it\'s a vibrator.\"

01:36:15.503 --> 01:36:16.937
I\'m like, \"Oh, my God!
Tell me more!

01:36:17.004 --> 01:36:19.340
I gotta have one!\"

01:36:19.406 --> 01:36:21.308
For me, it just seemed
to make sense

01:36:21.375 --> 01:36:24.044
that we should talk about sex,
we should talk about pleasure.

01:36:24.111 --> 01:36:26.580
It\'s part of who we are.

01:36:26.647 --> 01:36:30.384
♪♪♪

01:36:30.451 --> 01:36:34.121
- The way that we express
like love languages,

01:36:34.188 --> 01:36:38.259
being physically apart
is like not ideal.

01:36:38.325 --> 01:36:40.261
- One thing that
I feel like I miss often

01:36:40.327 --> 01:36:41.862
when you\'re not around is
like... (sniffs)

01:36:41.929 --> 01:36:44.498
- Mm-hmm.
- I just miss the way you smell.

01:36:47.401 --> 01:36:49.537
For me, when you connect
with someone\'s spirit,

01:36:49.603 --> 01:36:52.239
it\'s very organic,
they\'re just being themselves.

01:36:52.306 --> 01:36:54.542
Those are the moments
that like make me feel like,

01:36:54.608 --> 01:36:57.611
\"Oh, this human connection is
so beautiful and powerful!\"

01:36:59.513 --> 01:37:02.883
When me and him first met,
I remember his skin

01:37:02.950 --> 01:37:06.787
because he had
no sleeves on his shirt.

01:37:06.854 --> 01:37:09.523
He like brushed up against me
and I was like, \"Heavenly.\"

01:37:09.590 --> 01:37:12.459
I was like, \"Oh, Jesus,
this is so beautiful.\"

01:37:12.526 --> 01:37:15.462
(humming)

01:37:21.068 --> 01:37:22.603
For me, erotic pleasure

01:37:22.670 --> 01:37:27.308
is just the possibility of bliss
and beauty in my life.

01:37:28.909 --> 01:37:30.744
You want to take a nap with me?

01:37:30.811 --> 01:37:33.280
(laughing)

01:37:33.347 --> 01:37:36.850
- Oh, yeah.
Yeah.

01:37:36.917 --> 01:37:38.619
Sure.

01:37:38.686 --> 01:37:42.122
(clicks tongue)

01:37:45.092 --> 01:37:46.927
- Hi, sweets!

01:37:46.994 --> 01:37:49.730
(Umnia)
Ruq\'s talked to me about crushes

01:37:49.797 --> 01:37:52.233
\'cause she\'s probably liked boys
for quite a few years.

01:37:53.968 --> 01:37:55.502
- Ewww!

01:37:57.371 --> 01:38:01.041
(Umnia)
I would caution her
that when you like somebody,

01:38:01.108 --> 01:38:03.577
and someone is suddenly
very attractive to you,

01:38:03.644 --> 01:38:08.882
not to think that
somehow obtaining
this person\'s attention

01:38:08.949 --> 01:38:11.752
will fill something
inside of her.

01:38:11.819 --> 01:38:14.755
Because it\'s not going to.

01:38:14.822 --> 01:38:16.423
You want to be filling it

01:38:16.490 --> 01:38:19.760
with a more intense
self-created energy

01:38:19.827 --> 01:38:23.297
so that you can be
two cool people together.

01:38:23.364 --> 01:38:25.866
The most important thing
that I would want to tell her

01:38:25.933 --> 01:38:28.469
is that God made you loud,

01:38:28.535 --> 01:38:33.307
singing, dancing,
all of these things.

01:38:33.374 --> 01:38:36.377
Sometimes people will feel like,
\"Oh, it\'s too much.\"

01:38:36.443 --> 01:38:38.379
Or you\'re too this
or you\'re too that.

01:38:38.445 --> 01:38:43.550
But it\'s not like you\'re doing
something wrong by existing

01:38:43.617 --> 01:38:45.286
or by being beautiful.

01:38:45.352 --> 01:38:49.657
If it feels true to you, then
that\'s what God wants from you.

01:38:49.723 --> 01:38:52.660
♪♪♪

01:38:57.231 --> 01:39:00.701
(Lisa)
Humans are a social species,

01:39:00.768 --> 01:39:05.205
and so connection with
other individuals

01:39:05.272 --> 01:39:10.411
is the most sort of
basic human trait.

01:39:10.477 --> 01:39:15.249
The ability to control that
intimacy and that connection

01:39:15.316 --> 01:39:20.754
is so important to sort of human
freedom and liberation.

01:39:37.571 --> 01:39:41.208
- I know many, many dancers
who make it a point

01:39:41.275 --> 01:39:45.412
to take money
from straight white men

01:39:45.479 --> 01:39:48.449
who are at the very,
very top of society

01:39:48.515 --> 01:39:50.951
and put it in the hands
of women, people of color,

01:39:51.018 --> 01:39:52.820
and the LGBTQ community.

01:39:52.886 --> 01:39:55.989
(crowd chanting)
USA! USA! USA!

01:39:56.056 --> 01:39:59.293
- When Trump got elected,

01:39:59.360 --> 01:40:03.630
I was in the club watching
the world change for the worse.

01:40:06.066 --> 01:40:08.836
Trump supporters
were celebrating.

01:40:08.902 --> 01:40:11.205
And you know what I did?

01:40:11.271 --> 01:40:15.075
I had a great night.
I made a lot of money.

01:40:15.142 --> 01:40:16.577
At the end of the day,

01:40:16.643 --> 01:40:19.947
their money is better off
in my hands.

01:40:20.013 --> 01:40:21.482
Period.

01:40:24.718 --> 01:40:27.454
(Lisa)
I remember watching
the women\'s marches

01:40:27.521 --> 01:40:30.457
all around the country
on Inauguration Day.

01:40:30.524 --> 01:40:34.194
(women)
We want a leader,
not a creepy tweeter!

01:40:34.261 --> 01:40:37.731
(Lisa)
And thinking,
out of great ruptures...

01:40:37.798 --> 01:40:39.566
- Ready to go!

01:40:39.633 --> 01:40:41.101
Ready to go!

01:40:41.168 --> 01:40:45.172
- can come solidarity
and progress.

01:40:45.239 --> 01:40:48.842
(Sophia)
It\'s not just about pleasure,

01:40:48.909 --> 01:40:52.679
it\'s about how do you make sure
you can have access

01:40:52.746 --> 01:40:55.416
to like safe medical care,
including abortion.

01:40:55.482 --> 01:40:58.419
Or that your rape kit
gets processed by the police.

01:40:58.485 --> 01:41:00.687
Or that your daughter
and your son

01:41:00.754 --> 01:41:04.057
are taught accurate
sex education.

01:41:04.124 --> 01:41:06.059
And that\'s why
we have to talk about it

01:41:06.126 --> 01:41:08.095
and keep talking about it.

01:41:11.799 --> 01:41:14.401
(woman)
To study the clitoris,
is that a dangerous thing?

01:41:14.468 --> 01:41:18.338
- Honestly, I find it
dangerous not to.

01:41:18.405 --> 01:41:22.342
I\'m not afraid of this work.

01:41:22.409 --> 01:41:25.145
- ♪ I can\'t keep quiet ♪

01:41:25.212 --> 01:41:28.415
- ♪ No, no, no, no ♪

01:41:28.482 --> 01:41:31.852
- ♪ Oh, I can\'t keep quiet ♪

01:41:31.919 --> 01:41:34.855
- ♪ No, no, no ♪

01:41:34.922 --> 01:41:38.225
- ♪ A one-woman riot ♪

01:41:38.292 --> 01:41:41.261
- ♪ No, no, no ♪

01:41:41.328 --> 01:41:45.732
- ♪ I can\'t keep quiet ♪

01:41:45.799 --> 01:41:48.235
♪ For anyone ♪

01:41:48.302 --> 01:41:51.572
(Audre Lorde)
There are many kinds of power,

01:41:51.638 --> 01:41:55.576
both the ones we use
and the ones we do not yet use,

01:41:55.642 --> 01:41:58.412
acknowledged and otherwise.

01:42:00.981 --> 01:42:04.751
(Coriama)
\"The erotic is a resource
within each of us

01:42:04.818 --> 01:42:08.522
\"that lies in a deeply female
and spiritual plane

01:42:08.589 --> 01:42:12.059
\"firmly rooted
in the power of our unexpressed

01:42:12.125 --> 01:42:14.595
or unrecognized feeling.\"

01:42:14.661 --> 01:42:19.900
(Becca)
\"We have been taught
to suspect this resource.

01:42:19.967 --> 01:42:23.704
Vilified, abused, and devalued
within western society.\"

01:42:23.770 --> 01:42:26.139
- \"Women have been made
to suffer,

01:42:26.206 --> 01:42:28.976
\"and to feel both
contemptible and suspect

01:42:29.042 --> 01:42:30.777
by virtue of its existence.\"

01:42:33.313 --> 01:42:36.316
I wanna read this whole book.
(laughing)

01:42:36.383 --> 01:42:42.222
- ♪ No one knows me
no one ever will ♪

01:42:42.289 --> 01:42:45.526
♪ If I don\'t say something ♪

01:42:45.592 --> 01:42:48.996
♪ If I just lie still ♪

01:42:49.062 --> 01:42:52.499
♪ Would I be that monster? ♪

01:42:52.566 --> 01:42:55.636
♪ Scare them all away ♪

01:42:55.702 --> 01:42:58.972
♪ If I let them hear ♪

01:42:59.039 --> 01:43:02.643
♪ What I have to say ♪

01:43:02.709 --> 01:43:04.645
♪♪♪

01:43:04.711 --> 01:43:08.081
♪ I can\'t keep quiet ♪

01:43:08.148 --> 01:43:12.619
♪ No, no, no ♪

01:43:12.686 --> 01:43:15.188
- \"We have often turned away
from the exploration

01:43:15.255 --> 01:43:18.025
\"and consideration of the erotic

01:43:18.091 --> 01:43:20.027
\"as a source of power

01:43:20.093 --> 01:43:23.063
and information.\"

01:43:23.130 --> 01:43:25.232
- \"We have been raised

01:43:25.299 --> 01:43:27.434
\"to fear the \'yes\'
within ourselves,

01:43:27.501 --> 01:43:29.169
our deepest cravings.\"

01:43:29.236 --> 01:43:30.470
- \"The fear keeps us...\"

01:43:30.537 --> 01:43:31.972
- \"...docile...\"
- \"...and loyal...\"

01:43:32.039 --> 01:43:33.373
- \"...and obedient.\"

01:43:33.440 --> 01:43:35.108
- \"And leads us to accept
many facets

01:43:35.175 --> 01:43:37.644
of our oppression as women.\"

01:43:37.711 --> 01:43:41.715
- \"Only now, I find more
and more women-identified women

01:43:41.782 --> 01:43:46.520
\"brave enough to risk sharing
the erotic\'s electrical charge

01:43:46.587 --> 01:43:49.056
without having to look away.\"

01:43:49.122 --> 01:43:52.192
♪♪♪

01:43:52.259 --> 01:43:55.562
(Sophia)
\"Recognizing the power
of the erotic within our lives

01:43:55.629 --> 01:43:58.165
\"can give us the energy
to pursue genuine change

01:43:58.231 --> 01:44:00.801
within our world.\"

01:44:00.867 --> 01:44:03.103
(Coriama)
\"Rather than merely
settling for a shift

01:44:03.170 --> 01:44:07.641
of characters in the same
weary-ass drama.\"

01:44:07.708 --> 01:44:10.644
(Jasmine)
\"When I speak
of the erotic then,

01:44:10.711 --> 01:44:14.348
I speak of it as an assertion
of the life force of women.\"

01:44:14.414 --> 01:44:17.784
- \"Of that creative
energy empowered.\"

01:44:17.851 --> 01:44:22.356
- \"The knowledge and use
of which we are now reclaiming

01:44:22.422 --> 01:44:24.191
in our language.\"

01:44:24.257 --> 01:44:25.759
- \"Our history.\"

01:44:25.826 --> 01:44:28.395
- \"Our dancing.\"

01:44:28.462 --> 01:44:29.763
- \"Our loving.\"

01:44:29.830 --> 01:44:31.098
(giggling)

01:44:31.164 --> 01:44:33.800
- \"Our work.\"

01:44:33.867 --> 01:44:35.002
- \"Our lives.\"

01:44:35.068 --> 01:44:37.537
- (laughing)

01:44:37.604 --> 01:44:40.741
- ♪ I can\'t keep quiet ♪

01:44:40.807 --> 01:44:42.843
- ♪ Let it out, let it out
let it out now ♪

01:44:42.909 --> 01:44:45.846
- ♪ No I can\'t keep quiet ♪

01:44:45.912 --> 01:44:48.915
- ♪ Let it out, let it out
let it out now ♪

01:44:48.982 --> 01:44:51.518
- ♪ There\'ll be
someone who understands ♪

01:44:51.585 --> 01:44:54.821
- ♪ Let it out, let it out
let it out now ♪

01:44:54.888 --> 01:44:56.723
- ♪ No we can\'t keep quiet ♪

01:44:56.790 --> 01:44:59.259
- ♪ Let it out, let it out
let it out now ♪

01:44:59.326 --> 01:45:02.429
- ♪ Oh, boy, yeah ♪

01:45:02.496 --> 01:45:05.132
- ♪ Let it out, let it out
let it out now ♪

01:45:05.198 --> 01:45:07.567
- ♪ There\'ll be
someone who understands ♪

01:45:07.634 --> 01:45:10.570
♪ Let it out, let it out
let it out now ♪

01:45:10.637 --> 01:45:12.939
♪ Oh, oh ♪

01:45:13.006 --> 01:45:16.410
♪ Let it out, let it out
let it out now ♪

01:45:16.476 --> 01:45:18.578
♪ Oh, oh ♪

01:45:18.645 --> 01:45:22.416
- ♪ Let it out, let it out
let it out now ♪

01:45:22.482 --> 01:45:23.950
- ♪ Oh ♪

01:45:24.017 --> 01:45:27.187
♪♪♪

01:45:27.254 --> 01:45:32.392
♪ Yeah... ♪

01:45:44.504 --> 01:45:49.776
♪♪♪