Teacher of Patience
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- Reviews
- Citation
- Cataloging
- Transcript
Over 26 years ago, paramedic Tom Felter and nurse Tina Felter welcomed Emily into the world. It wasn't long before baby Emily was diagnosed with Down syndrome. Almost 20 years later, the Felters set out to develop and share The Emily Talk, a presentation that teaches first responders and the greater community about individuals with disabilities, like Emily. Emily finds her place in the world through her colorful language and sense of humor, her fondness of routine, and her deep love for those around her, who love her equally in return. The film shows that, just like everyone else, she has her good and bad days, and her unique ways of communicating her feelings are worth learning and listening to. Sometimes that takes patience, which is a difficult skill to learn for everyone, but especially for those in the first responder and healthcare fields where things are always fast-paced. First responders are often required to make quick decisions and snap judgments, which can lead to unnecessary and unwanted tragedies. This is why Tom developed The Emily Talk with first responders in mind.
Ultimately, TEACHER OF PATIENCE was created to serve as an educational tool for first responders and other community leaders, a source of validation and comfort for families touched by disability, and kindling for open-minded discussion about disability, inclusion, equity, and accessibility.
Samantha Burgett | Police Social Worker for City of Valparaiso, IN
"As someone who interacts with diverse populations on a daily basis, the transformative concept of educating others on how to engage appropriately with other people via documentaries and story sharing is invaluable. Teacher of Patience provides a beautiful lesson on embracing and appreciating our differences, as well as a critical lesson on how we should all strive to learn how to engage with and appreciate others who we may not initially understand. This is an incredibly powerful and important film.”
Steve Slack | National Down Syndrome Society DS Ambassador & Champion of Change Award Recipient
"I train law enforcement and first responders on how to engage people with disabilities. Teacher of Patience explains why patience is so important by examining the life of one family. I tell those in my trainings that they cannot control how someone else reacts to something, but they can control how they react, and how they react can make all of the difference. Watching Tom and Tina put into action what they are teaching is eye opening. This is a very important and beautiful film. I recommend it to all first responders and everyone else."
Kayla McKeon | Down Syndrome Self-Advocate and Lobbyist
"I feel like this video should be shown because it tells the life of someone with Down Syndrome and how they should be portrayed. I felt comfortable watching this movie because it shows every day life , family and the struggles we go through."
Melissa Bohacek | Parent of an Adult with Down Syndrome
"As a parent of an adult with Down Syndrome, I immediately connected to the parents in this film. The vulnerability and rawness of everyday life was beautifully captured in the film. My daughter and I love getting to know Emily through the documentary and celebrating her uniqueness and individuality."
Denise Humberstone | Trustee and Director of Making Chromosomes Count, Parent of an Adult with Down Syndrome
"A definite must-watch! You just know within the first few minutes that you are about to experience a roller coaster of emotions simply because it is crystal clear this story is unadulterated, as raw as it gets, and will make for a difficult, uncomfortable, deeply moving and funny watch, all at the same time. A testament to the love and dedication of all the families of disabled children who are desperate to make the world a safe place for them long after they are no longer around to protect them themselves. Most of all, it is a documentary that could save lives, one that all law-enforcement officers as well as paramedics should watch."
Mark X. Cronin | Co-Founder of John's Crazy Socks, Parent of an Adult with Down Syndrome
"You will love Emily. This film presets the fullness of Emily and does so in an insightful and empathetic way. I watched it with a group of people - some of whom had Down syndrome - and everyone loved the movie and found it incredibly moving. It speaks to Emily's courage and humor and the love and patience that she has given to her parents and family. I highly recommend this movie."
Brittany Alsot | Filmmaker
"Carmen Vincent's deft and sensitive filmmaking gives us a fascinating window into Emily's world, including both the joy and the overwhelm as she and her family navigate life with Down Syndrome. It's wonderful to get to know this family in their unique complexity and heartening to see Emily's parents be so honest about their struggles even as they work so hard to help Emily be herself."
Citation
Main credits
Vincent, Carmen (film director)
Vincent, Carmen (film producer)
Felter, Tom (on-screen participant)
Felter, Emily (on-screen participant)
Other credits
Cinematography, Carmen Vincent, Liz Wuerffel, Katelyn Calhoun; editing, Carmen Vincent; music, Jason Arnold.
Distributor subjects
Disability Studies; Family Advocacy; First Responders; Healthcare Workers; Health and Medicine; Social Work; Education; CaregivingKeywords
00:00:00.125 --> 00:00:04.087
[KALIMBA MUSIC PLAYING]
00:00:30.488 --> 00:00:32.574
(TOM)
She has no filters, first of all.
00:00:32.574 --> 00:00:33.241
(EMILY)
Come on!
00:00:33.241 --> 00:00:34.034
(TOM)
Are you ready?
00:00:34.034 --> 00:00:34.576
I'm asking.
00:00:34.576 --> 00:00:35.660
(EMILY)
Oh, hell to the yes!
00:00:35.660 --> 00:00:36.953
(TOM)
All right, well, we gotta go this way.
00:00:36.953 --> 00:00:37.829
(EMILY)
Oh, fuck it.
00:00:37.829 --> 00:00:38.329
Come on.
00:00:38.329 --> 00:00:39.372
(TOM)
Stop, stop.
00:00:39.372 --> 00:00:39.873
(EMILY)
Hey!
00:00:39.873 --> 00:00:40.457
Fuck no.
00:00:40.457 --> 00:00:41.624
(TOM)
No bad words!
00:00:42.042 --> 00:00:43.710
(EMILY)
What the fuck are we doing?
00:00:43.710 --> 00:00:45.462
(TOM)
For the most part, she's very loving.
00:00:45.462 --> 00:00:46.921
(EMILY)
I'll go nakey.
00:00:46.921 --> 00:00:48.339
(TINA)
Yeah, take your boots off.
00:00:48.339 --> 00:00:49.758
Okay come on, take your boots off.
00:00:49.758 --> 00:00:50.592
(TOM)
Come on baby, come over here.
00:00:50.592 --> 00:00:51.968
(EMILY)
[INAUDIBLE] car battery.
00:00:51.968 --> 00:00:52.469
[KISS]
00:00:52.469 --> 00:00:53.261
(TINA)
Yeah, car battery.
00:00:53.261 --> 00:00:54.220
(EMILY)
I love you.
00:00:54.220 --> 00:00:55.597
Shut up!
00:00:55.597 --> 00:00:56.973
[TINA CHUCKLES]
00:00:56.973 --> 00:01:00.602
(BRIAN)
First time I met Emily,
I do remember her cursing.
00:01:00.602 --> 00:01:05.315
And I remember thinking to
myself, wait, can she do that?
00:01:05.315 --> 00:01:07.859
Which is such an
odd thing to think.
00:01:07.859 --> 00:01:10.987
I guess not realizing at the
time that that's just the way
00:01:10.987 --> 00:01:12.280
her brain processes things.
00:01:12.280 --> 00:01:13.448
And it just comes out.
00:01:13.448 --> 00:01:16.326
But then I also would notice how she
00:01:16.326 --> 00:01:19.329
would go from that to just
incredibly loving and being
00:01:19.329 --> 00:01:21.581
all over Tom and all over Tina.
00:01:21.581 --> 00:01:23.666
She'd drop the F-bomb and
tell them to get away.
00:01:23.666 --> 00:01:24.459
(EMILY)
No!
00:01:24.459 --> 00:01:25.376
(TOM)
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:01:25.376 --> 00:01:26.294
(EMILY)
No!
00:01:26.294 --> 00:01:27.712
(BRIAN)
And then, in the very next breath,
00:01:27.712 --> 00:01:29.047
she was all over them.
00:01:31.257 --> 00:01:32.592
(CARMEN, DIRECTOR)
So what's your name?
00:01:32.592 --> 00:01:33.468
(EMILY)
Emily.
00:01:33.468 --> 00:01:35.011
(CARMEN)
And where are you from?
00:01:35.011 --> 00:01:36.471
(EMILY)
From my house.
00:01:36.471 --> 00:01:38.681
(CARMEN)
Emily, do you remember
being in the hospital?
00:01:38.681 --> 00:01:39.224
(EMILY)
Yeah.
00:01:39.224 --> 00:01:40.225
I was brave.
00:01:40.225 --> 00:01:41.267
(CARMEN)
You were brave.
00:01:41.267 --> 00:01:42.268
(EMILY)
I know.
00:01:42.268 --> 00:01:43.812
(CARMEN)
You had a lot going on, girl.
00:01:43.812 --> 00:01:45.021
(EMILY)
Here is my pacemaker.
00:01:45.355 --> 00:01:46.356
(CARMEN)
What makes you happy?
00:01:48.900 --> 00:01:50.443
(EMILY)
My grandmother.
00:01:50.443 --> 00:01:52.070
(CARMEN)
Emily, what do you
think of Justin Bieber?
00:01:52.070 --> 00:01:52.946
(EMILY)
Umm...
00:01:52.946 --> 00:01:54.280
My boyfriend.
00:01:54.280 --> 00:01:55.573
(CARMEN)
He's your boyfriend?
00:01:55.573 --> 00:01:56.866
(EMILY)
He's hottie.
00:01:56.866 --> 00:01:57.826
(CARMEN)
He is a hottie.
00:01:57.826 --> 00:01:58.827
[CHUCKLES] Okay.
00:01:58.827 --> 00:01:59.661
(EMILY)
Okay!
00:01:59.661 --> 00:02:01.162
(CARMEN)
Are we locked out?
00:02:01.162 --> 00:02:02.413
(EMILY)
Oh, good.
00:02:02.413 --> 00:02:04.124
(CARMEN)
You're hilarious.
00:02:04.124 --> 00:02:05.416
(EMILY)
I know.
00:02:05.416 --> 00:02:07.919
(CARMEN)
Do you have Down syndrome, Em?
00:02:07.919 --> 00:02:09.504
[KALIMBA MUSIC PLAYING]
00:02:24.102 --> 00:02:25.770
(TOM)
Because I work as a paramedic
00:02:25.770 --> 00:02:27.981
and I interact with everybody, there
00:02:27.981 --> 00:02:31.609
are times when my patients
or my patient's family
00:02:31.609 --> 00:02:32.569
could be Emily.
00:02:32.569 --> 00:02:34.904
So this was in January of 2013.
00:02:34.904 --> 00:02:36.739
Ethan was in a movie
theater that he went to
00:02:36.739 --> 00:02:38.283
on a regular basis,
sitting in a seat
00:02:38.283 --> 00:02:41.661
that he normally sat in,
watching Zero Dark Thirty.
00:02:41.661 --> 00:02:43.329
His caregiver went out to get the car.
00:02:43.329 --> 00:02:45.456
He decided to go back in
and watch the movie again.
00:02:45.456 --> 00:02:47.208
He didn't understand that
he couldn't just go back
00:02:47.208 --> 00:02:48.334
in without another ticket.
00:02:49.252 --> 00:02:51.171
The three security guards
who were police officers
00:02:51.171 --> 00:02:54.632
decided that he needed to leave
and he needed to leave now.
00:02:54.632 --> 00:02:56.259
He couldn't
comprehend the orders
00:02:56.259 --> 00:02:57.385
that they were giving him--
00:02:57.385 --> 00:02:59.012
"You have to leave."
00:02:59.012 --> 00:03:01.431
She's not going to
comprehend those orders.
00:03:01.431 --> 00:03:04.142
Ethan was 5'4", 295 pounds.
00:03:04.142 --> 00:03:05.894
The medical people
in this room know
00:03:05.894 --> 00:03:08.354
if you're 5'4" 295 and
you put me on my stomach,
00:03:08.354 --> 00:03:09.647
I can't breathe.
00:03:09.647 --> 00:03:12.025
And he died.
00:03:12.025 --> 00:03:14.402
I always apologize
to law enforcement--
00:03:14.402 --> 00:03:15.820
if you're in the
room, I'm sorry.
00:03:15.820 --> 00:03:17.488
You guys probably work
with law enforcement.
00:03:17.488 --> 00:03:18.907
I work with law enforcement.
00:03:18.907 --> 00:03:20.992
But this never
should've happened.
00:03:22.243 --> 00:03:25.246
I have a long career in
EMS and firefighting,
00:03:25.246 --> 00:03:27.790
a short stint as a police
officer, and I'm Emily's dad.
00:03:27.790 --> 00:03:29.834
So I see both sides of this equation.
00:03:29.834 --> 00:03:33.504
So The Emily Talk was designed
to help not just police officers,
00:03:33.504 --> 00:03:35.882
but medical folks, anybody,
00:03:35.882 --> 00:03:38.343
if you work in a store,
how to interact with her,
00:03:38.343 --> 00:03:41.221
how to interact with
anybody with a disability.
00:03:41.221 --> 00:03:43.681
(BRIAN)
Disability education is something
00:03:43.681 --> 00:03:45.934
that definitely I think is lacking
00:03:45.934 --> 00:03:47.644
as a whole in our industry.
00:03:47.644 --> 00:03:50.396
I would argue for public
safety in general.
00:03:50.396 --> 00:03:53.650
For any first responder,
it's very natural for us
00:03:53.650 --> 00:03:55.235
to try and move quickly, right?
00:03:55.235 --> 00:03:57.820
That's kind of the nature of
the work a lot of times.
00:03:58.404 --> 00:04:00.281
(TOM)
If they have a speech impairment,
00:04:00.281 --> 00:04:02.825
be patient, be respectful,
wait for them to finish.
00:04:02.825 --> 00:04:06.329
If she's having trouble making
the words come out, wait.
00:04:06.329 --> 00:04:07.580
Just wait 'til she's done.
00:04:07.580 --> 00:04:09.123
She'll get there.
00:04:09.123 --> 00:04:10.833
(BRIAN)
When you meet someone like Emily,
00:04:10.833 --> 00:04:13.002
that's the time where we have
to do the opposite of what
00:04:13.002 --> 00:04:16.381
gets drilled into our brains
and force ourselves to stop
00:04:16.381 --> 00:04:20.051
and slow down, and let
her dictate the scene.
00:04:20.051 --> 00:04:22.887
And that's another thing
that's really hard for us
00:04:22.887 --> 00:04:25.473
as first responders is we're used
00:04:25.473 --> 00:04:26.975
to having control of the scene.
00:04:26.975 --> 00:04:29.102
"Hey, look, you called me, so I'm
00:04:29.102 --> 00:04:30.895
going to be the one
running this show here."
00:04:30.895 --> 00:04:33.940
Even if it's not said
in an aggressive manner,
00:04:33.940 --> 00:04:36.567
that's kind of the attitude
sometimes that we take.
00:04:36.567 --> 00:04:37.944
And sometimes that's appropriate.
00:04:37.944 --> 00:04:40.780
It's important for them to
see Emily specifically
00:04:40.780 --> 00:04:44.701
because Emily is not going
to respond to that mentality.
00:04:44.701 --> 00:04:46.619
That's just not how she works.
00:04:46.619 --> 00:04:48.371
That's not how her brain works.
00:04:48.371 --> 00:04:49.706
Emily is a person.
00:04:49.706 --> 00:04:52.792
You can't ignore her existence just
00:04:52.792 --> 00:04:55.753
because she doesn't communicate
the same way that you do.
00:04:55.753 --> 00:04:59.048
It's not her job to adjust to me.
00:04:59.048 --> 00:05:01.092
It's my job to adjust to her.
00:05:01.968 --> 00:05:04.220
(TINA)
My passion is making people
00:05:04.220 --> 00:05:06.806
aware of people like Emily.
00:05:06.806 --> 00:05:08.391
Because people I work with, they often
00:05:08.391 --> 00:05:10.810
ask me,
"What's a normal day for Emily?"
00:05:10.810 --> 00:05:11.602
"What does she do?"
00:05:11.602 --> 00:05:13.229
"What can she do?"
00:05:13.229 --> 00:05:14.939
And then I share stories about things
00:05:14.939 --> 00:05:16.441
that she does and they all laugh,
00:05:16.441 --> 00:05:20.903
but my passion is just
letting people know Emily.
00:05:21.529 --> 00:05:24.532
I like people to realize that Emily
00:05:24.532 --> 00:05:27.160
has a place in this world.
00:05:27.160 --> 00:05:28.828
(TOM)
And in the Emily Talks, I tell them
00:05:28.828 --> 00:05:30.788
that this is Emily's job.
00:05:30.788 --> 00:05:34.042
She's helping you
guys learn about her.
00:05:34.042 --> 00:05:36.210
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
00:05:36.210 --> 00:05:38.296
[SOFT PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
00:05:39.714 --> 00:05:41.215
[HORSE SNORTS]
00:05:41.215 --> 00:05:44.010
(TINA)
I worked on the unit
where Emily was born.
00:05:44.010 --> 00:05:47.180
She was sick from the get-go
and so she immediately
00:05:47.180 --> 00:05:48.765
went to the nursery.
00:05:48.765 --> 00:05:51.059
I had to call the doctor
myself and explain
00:05:51.059 --> 00:05:53.603
that Emily is really sick and
she's not getting any better
00:05:53.603 --> 00:05:54.645
and I need to go home.
00:05:55.229 --> 00:05:58.399
So I wrote my own discharge
orders on my own chart
00:05:58.399 --> 00:05:58.941
and
00:05:58.941 --> 00:05:59.901
and left.
00:05:59.901 --> 00:06:02.403
So Monday morning, the geneticist
00:06:02.403 --> 00:06:05.073
came and saw us and
said that, "I'm not sure
00:06:05.073 --> 00:06:06.199
that she has Down syndrome.
00:06:06.199 --> 00:06:07.617
We'll have to do some blood work."
00:06:07.617 --> 00:06:09.869
And then as soon as she
said that, I could see it.
00:06:09.869 --> 00:06:11.871
I could see it in her face.
00:06:11.871 --> 00:06:13.373
(TOM)
We met with the geneticist.
00:06:13.373 --> 00:06:16.417
She sat us down in her
office and laid it all out.
00:06:16.417 --> 00:06:19.003
Here's all the things that
go along with Down syndrome.
00:06:19.003 --> 00:06:21.214
Here's all the heart
defects she's going to have.
00:06:21.214 --> 00:06:22.507
Here's her life expectancy.
00:06:23.049 --> 00:06:24.300
Here's all the things
she might do.
00:06:24.300 --> 00:06:26.010
Here's all the things
she might not do.
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Just black and white,
00:06:27.595 --> 00:06:29.555
boom, here it is.
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[SOFT PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
00:06:35.812 --> 00:06:38.481
(TINA)
I gave birth to this cute little baby
00:06:38.481 --> 00:06:40.400
and had all these hopes and dreams.
00:06:40.400 --> 00:06:44.821
And now we had to figure out
how to adjust those dreams.
00:06:51.786 --> 00:06:52.453
[SNIFFLES]
00:06:53.037 --> 00:06:56.124
When a mom gives birth to
a child with Down syndrome,
00:06:56.124 --> 00:06:59.335
I'm kind of like a little
welcome wagon, so to speak.
00:06:59.335 --> 00:07:01.629
I let them know that I'm a resource.
00:07:01.629 --> 00:07:03.631
And I have the information there.
00:07:03.631 --> 00:07:06.008
And I think that would have
been helpful for myself,
00:07:06.008 --> 00:07:07.176
that I didn't have.
00:07:07.176 --> 00:07:09.679
There just isn't a lot
of support out there.
00:07:09.679 --> 00:07:11.180
I mean, there's more now.
00:07:11.180 --> 00:07:13.683
But there really wasn't
much when Emily was born.
00:07:14.058 --> 00:07:14.559
[TINA GASPS]
00:07:14.559 --> 00:07:15.309
(TOM)
Look.
00:07:15.309 --> 00:07:17.979
(TINA)
Aww...
00:07:17.979 --> 00:07:18.855
We made the paper.
00:07:18.855 --> 00:07:19.981
See? We're very famous.
00:07:20.440 --> 00:07:21.357
We were in the paper.
00:07:21.816 --> 00:07:23.734
[PAPER RUSTLING]
00:07:24.235 --> 00:07:26.571
This photo summed up our life.
00:07:26.571 --> 00:07:28.739
We would have family
dinners in her room.
00:07:28.739 --> 00:07:32.076
Because she couldn't -- the
tubing wouldn't stretch any
00:07:32.076 --> 00:07:33.286
further than that.
00:07:33.286 --> 00:07:34.954
So we put a TV in there.
00:07:34.954 --> 00:07:38.541
Like when she got more stable
and she was just on oxygen,
00:07:38.541 --> 00:07:39.959
we could take her out
into the living room
00:07:39.959 --> 00:07:41.836
and we thought we
were living large.
00:07:41.836 --> 00:07:43.212
Oh, well, well.
00:07:43.212 --> 00:07:43.796
(TOM)
Oh, boy.
00:07:43.796 --> 00:07:44.213
(TINA)
And there's me.
00:07:44.213 --> 00:07:44.964
[CHUCKLING]
00:07:44.964 --> 00:07:45.590
(TOM)
And Sarah.
00:07:45.590 --> 00:07:47.842
(TINA)
--and Sarah and Emily, the day
00:07:47.842 --> 00:07:50.803
I delivered, not knowing, not knowing.
00:07:50.803 --> 00:07:52.638
(TOM)
I'm on the front
page of the paper too.
00:07:52.638 --> 00:07:53.306
[LAUGHING]
00:07:53.306 --> 00:07:54.390
Look at that.
00:07:54.390 --> 00:07:55.308
(TINA)
Nobody cares about you,
put that away.
00:07:55.308 --> 00:07:56.058
(TOM)
Saving a life.
00:07:56.058 --> 00:07:56.893
(TINA)
Nobody cares about you.
00:07:56.893 --> 00:07:57.435
Put that away.
00:07:57.435 --> 00:07:58.769
[ACOUSTIC GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING]
00:08:02.231 --> 00:08:05.651
(SARAH)
[LAUGHING] Let's see.
00:08:05.651 --> 00:08:06.277
I mean--
00:08:06.277 --> 00:08:06.819
(EMILY)
[BURP]
00:08:06.819 --> 00:08:08.362
(SARAH)
I-- did you just burp?
00:08:08.362 --> 00:08:09.363
(EMILY)
No, just--
00:08:09.363 --> 00:08:11.365
[LAUGHING]
00:08:11.365 --> 00:08:12.742
Don't pay no mind.
00:08:12.742 --> 00:08:14.785
(SARAH)
I mean, I do think we're close.
00:08:14.785 --> 00:08:17.038
Do you think we're close?
00:08:17.038 --> 00:08:18.122
[LAUGHS]
00:08:18.956 --> 00:08:20.166
It was different.
00:08:20.166 --> 00:08:24.045
I definitely took on more
of a caregiver role for her.
00:08:24.045 --> 00:08:24.587
You know?
00:08:24.587 --> 00:08:27.423
Like I think I did more than
probably an eight- or nine-year-old
00:08:27.423 --> 00:08:30.635
would do as far as trach
care, and her oxygen,
00:08:30.635 --> 00:08:32.887
and all the monitors in her
room, and stuff like that.
00:08:32.887 --> 00:08:36.224
So I think I matured a
lot when she came home.
00:08:36.224 --> 00:08:37.808
(TOM)
There was a lot of chunks of time
00:08:37.808 --> 00:08:38.976
when they weren't together.
00:08:38.976 --> 00:08:39.769
Emily was so sick.
00:08:39.769 --> 00:08:41.020
She's in the hospital.
00:08:41.020 --> 00:08:43.523
And Sarah's seven, eight, nine-years-old.
00:08:43.523 --> 00:08:44.941
We were busy with Emily.
00:08:44.941 --> 00:08:48.611
So Sarah was with my
parents, with her parents.
00:08:49.278 --> 00:08:50.571
And despite all that,
00:08:50.571 --> 00:08:51.739
(TINA)
She still turned out--
00:08:51.739 --> 00:08:53.741
(TOM)
--grew up normal, you know?
00:08:53.741 --> 00:08:55.117
(TINA)
[LAUGHS] She's still--
00:08:55.117 --> 00:08:57.745
she's pretty normal, by most accords.
00:08:57.745 --> 00:08:58.204
(TOM)
Yeah.
00:08:58.913 --> 00:08:59.497
(SARAH)
Look, Em.
00:08:59.497 --> 00:09:00.498
(TINA)
He's looking at you.
00:09:01.666 --> 00:09:02.625
He's like, "Hi, Emily!"
00:09:02.625 --> 00:09:04.627
(EMILY)
Hi, Ethan.
00:09:04.627 --> 00:09:06.003
Happy Birthday, Ethan.
00:09:06.003 --> 00:09:08.464
(SARAH)
Maybe you should sing to him.
00:09:08.464 --> 00:09:09.632
(EMILY)
I need a candle.
00:09:09.632 --> 00:09:10.299
[CHUCKLES]
00:09:10.299 --> 00:09:11.425
(TOM)
We need a candle.
00:09:11.425 --> 00:09:12.718
(SARAH)
Well, we don't have one.
00:09:12.718 --> 00:09:13.970
Can we just pretend?
00:09:13.970 --> 00:09:15.763
(TINA)
Can we just fake it?
00:09:15.763 --> 00:09:16.305
(EMILY)
Ready?
00:09:16.305 --> 00:09:16.847
(SARAH)
Ready.
00:09:16.847 --> 00:09:18.849
(EMILY)
One, two, three.
00:09:18.849 --> 00:09:22.186
(ALL)
♪ Happy Birthday to you. ♪
00:09:22.186 --> 00:09:25.064
♪ Happy Birthday to you. ♪
00:09:25.064 --> 00:09:26.691
♪ Happy Birthday, dear Ethan. ♪
00:09:26.691 --> 00:09:28.901
♪ Happy Birthday, dear Ethan. ♪
(EMILY)
♪ Ethan Thomas ♪
00:09:28.901 --> 00:09:31.279
(ALL)
♪ Happy Birthday to you. ♪
00:09:31.654 --> 00:09:31.988
[KISS]
00:09:31.988 --> 00:09:32.780
(SARAH)
Blow it out!
00:09:32.780 --> 00:09:34.490
(TOM)
Her birthday went amazingly well,
00:09:34.490 --> 00:09:37.743
considering how she deals
with anything out of the norm.
00:09:37.743 --> 00:09:39.120
I mean, there wasn't anybody here
00:09:39.120 --> 00:09:41.038
that she wasn't expecting to be here.
00:09:41.038 --> 00:09:43.541
But just having that
many people in the house
00:09:43.541 --> 00:09:45.084
is out of the norm for us.
00:09:45.084 --> 00:09:46.460
But the house was full of family.
00:09:48.212 --> 00:09:48.879
(NEPHEW ETHAN)
Look!
00:09:48.879 --> 00:09:49.672
[AUNT LAURIE GASPS]
00:09:49.672 --> 00:09:50.590
(EMILY)
Peanut butter!
00:09:50.590 --> 00:09:51.340
(AUNT LAURIE)
What?
00:09:51.340 --> 00:09:52.717
(COUSIN TRACEY)
What is that?
00:09:52.717 --> 00:09:54.927
(LAURIE)
What in the world is that?
00:09:54.927 --> 00:09:56.762
(TOM)
You know and the
house was full of babies.
00:09:56.762 --> 00:09:57.888
What's not cool about that?
00:09:57.888 --> 00:10:01.559
But babies cry and crying
babies is her kryptonite.
00:10:01.559 --> 00:10:04.478
[BABIES CRYING]
00:10:13.195 --> 00:10:14.780
If she's having a
bad time, if there's
00:10:14.780 --> 00:10:16.198
too much going on in here, she'll
00:10:16.198 --> 00:10:17.283
disappear around the corner.
00:10:17.283 --> 00:10:18.326
She'll go up to her room.
00:10:18.326 --> 00:10:20.328
She'll remove herself
from all the chaos
00:10:20.328 --> 00:10:22.872
here and go over there
until she feels better.
00:10:24.999 --> 00:10:27.793
(LAURIE)
Some days, she'll wake up
just like anybody else
00:10:27.793 --> 00:10:31.047
and she might not feel as good
as she did the day before.
00:10:31.047 --> 00:10:34.050
So she might be cranky, but
we all do that, you know?
00:10:34.050 --> 00:10:36.677
The only thing is we can
verbalize that to somebody
00:10:36.677 --> 00:10:38.304
and say, "I'm just
not up to it today."
00:10:38.304 --> 00:10:39.013
"I'm not feeling it."
00:10:39.013 --> 00:10:40.848
Whereas, she may not be able to.
00:10:40.848 --> 00:10:41.974
We have to pick up on that.
00:10:41.974 --> 00:10:42.475
(TRACEY)
Aw.
00:10:42.475 --> 00:10:43.142
(AUNT LAURIE)
Aw.
00:10:46.187 --> 00:10:46.937
(TINA)
Come on, we're all done.
00:10:46.937 --> 00:10:47.647
(EMILY)
No!
00:10:48.272 --> 00:10:49.940
(TOM)
Well, we can't stay here all day.
00:10:49.940 --> 00:10:50.816
(EMILY)
Nah!
00:10:50.816 --> 00:10:52.151
(TOM)
Okay.
00:10:52.151 --> 00:10:53.110
Well, maybe we could.
00:10:54.028 --> 00:10:54.862
(TINA)
Do you want
something to drink?
00:10:54.862 --> 00:10:55.780
(EMILY)
Go away from me!
00:10:55.780 --> 00:10:56.572
(TINA)
Okay, knock it off!
00:10:56.572 --> 00:10:57.156
That's enough.
00:10:57.156 --> 00:10:58.199
(EMILY)
Just go away.
00:11:00.326 --> 00:11:02.119
(TINA)
It's so frustrating for us.
00:11:02.119 --> 00:11:05.081
Because she can't communicate
how she's feeling.
00:11:05.081 --> 00:11:08.084
Like if she doesn't feel well,
she doesn't just say,
00:11:08.084 --> 00:11:11.212
"I got a stomach ache," or,
"my head hurts," or whatever.
00:11:11.212 --> 00:11:12.380
So she acts out.
00:11:12.380 --> 00:11:14.298
And so we get aggravated
with her behavior.
00:11:14.298 --> 00:11:15.966
And then we'll find
out later that night
00:11:15.966 --> 00:11:19.303
that she has horrible
diarrhea or she threw up.
00:11:19.303 --> 00:11:21.514
And then we're
aggravated with ourselves
00:11:21.514 --> 00:11:24.642
because we were short with her
or whatever the case may be.
00:11:24.642 --> 00:11:26.977
But in reality, she just
wasn't feeling well.
00:11:27.770 --> 00:11:31.273
(TOM)
Speech and language delays
cause anger and frustration.
00:11:31.273 --> 00:11:34.026
If you're nonverbal and
you got something to say,
00:11:34.026 --> 00:11:34.944
that's frustrating.
00:11:34.944 --> 00:11:38.364
So if you have an intellectual
disability and you can't talk
00:11:38.364 --> 00:11:41.867
or your speech is not very
good, it's very frustrating.
00:11:41.867 --> 00:11:43.994
(TINA)
You want a fruity drink from Starbucks?
00:11:43.994 --> 00:11:44.662
(EMILY)
No!
00:11:44.662 --> 00:11:45.830
(TINA)
What do you want?
00:11:45.830 --> 00:11:46.580
(EMILY)
No!
00:11:46.580 --> 00:11:47.331
(TINA)
Listen, Em, what do you want?
00:11:47.331 --> 00:11:49.250
(TOM)
Em, you need to
tell me what you need.
00:11:49.250 --> 00:11:50.292
(TINA)
What do you want?
00:11:50.292 --> 00:11:52.545
Do you want Starbucks or not?
00:11:52.545 --> 00:11:55.005
(TOM)
I need you to use your words.
Tell me what you need.
00:11:55.005 --> 00:11:55.923
(EMILY)
No!
00:11:56.465 --> 00:11:57.091
(TOM)
All right.
00:11:57.091 --> 00:11:58.259
(TINA)
All right, we're leaving then.
00:11:58.259 --> 00:11:58.759
(EMILY)
No!
00:11:58.759 --> 00:12:00.720
(TINA)
Then what do you want?
00:12:00.720 --> 00:12:01.971
Do you want Starbucks?
00:12:01.971 --> 00:12:03.347
(EMILY)
No!
00:12:03.347 --> 00:12:04.432
(TOM)
The whole the thing
is just going to go--
00:12:04.432 --> 00:12:05.266
(TINA)
You going to drink it?
00:12:05.266 --> 00:12:06.058
(EMILY)
Fuck you!
00:12:06.058 --> 00:12:06.350
(TOM)
Okay.
00:12:06.350 --> 00:12:07.309
(TINA)
Oh, that's great.
00:12:07.309 --> 00:12:08.060
(EMILY)
Give me it.
00:12:08.060 --> 00:12:08.728
(TINA)
Two hands.
00:12:08.728 --> 00:12:09.645
(EMILY)
No, give me it.
00:12:09.645 --> 00:12:10.730
(TINA)
Put your phone down.
00:12:10.730 --> 00:12:11.355
(EMILY)
No!
00:12:11.355 --> 00:12:11.897
(TINA)
Okay.
00:12:13.065 --> 00:12:13.733
Two hands.
00:12:13.733 --> 00:12:14.567
(EMILY)
Stop!
00:12:14.567 --> 00:12:15.276
(TINA)
Okay.
00:12:16.068 --> 00:12:16.736
(EMILY)
Give me!
00:12:16.736 --> 00:12:17.445
(TINA)
Please?
00:12:17.778 --> 00:12:18.320
(EMILY)
Give me.
00:12:18.320 --> 00:12:18.821
(TINA)
Okay.
00:12:18.821 --> 00:12:20.322
Two hands, okay?
00:12:20.322 --> 00:12:21.031
Thank you.
00:12:22.992 --> 00:12:24.910
(BRYAN)
Because she has Down syndrome,
00:12:24.910 --> 00:12:27.788
you always want to kind of
attribute everything
00:12:27.788 --> 00:12:31.041
that she does that is
not what you would maybe
00:12:31.041 --> 00:12:33.586
want her to do as being
attributed to Down syndrome,
00:12:33.586 --> 00:12:36.255
whereas, in fact, that's
not necessarily the case.
00:12:36.255 --> 00:12:38.382
It could be that, at the
time, she was 16-years-old.
00:12:38.382 --> 00:12:40.009
And that's what 16-year-olds do.
00:12:40.009 --> 00:12:40.801
[EMILY CHUCKLES]
00:12:40.801 --> 00:12:41.427
[SARAH CHUCKLES]
00:12:41.802 --> 00:12:44.680
[EMILY LAUGHING]
00:12:44.680 --> 00:12:46.265
(EMILY)
You're so funny.
00:12:46.265 --> 00:12:47.349
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
00:12:48.559 --> 00:12:50.311
(TINA)
We are on Emily's time.
00:12:50.311 --> 00:12:52.772
There have been so
many situations where
00:12:52.772 --> 00:12:54.064
we needed to be somewhere,
00:12:54.064 --> 00:12:56.150
and if she wasn't having
it, we're not doing it.
00:12:56.525 --> 00:12:59.153
You know and she's a big
enough person that you
00:12:59.153 --> 00:13:01.113
can't make her do anything.
00:13:01.530 --> 00:13:03.908
(TOM)
If she's not ready to
leave and go wherever it is
00:13:03.908 --> 00:13:04.658
we need to go,
00:13:05.367 --> 00:13:06.202
we're not going.
00:13:06.535 --> 00:13:07.328
(EMILY)
Red Robin?
00:13:07.328 --> 00:13:07.828
Please?
00:13:07.828 --> 00:13:08.496
Let's go there.
00:13:08.496 --> 00:13:09.997
(TOM)
How about at dinnertime
we'll do that?
00:13:10.414 --> 00:13:11.165
(EMILY)
No, right now.
00:13:11.165 --> 00:13:12.082
(TOM)
Well, no, not right now.
00:13:12.082 --> 00:13:13.083
We're talking to Carmen.
00:13:13.083 --> 00:13:13.667
(EMILY)
Right now!
00:13:13.667 --> 00:13:14.794
(TOM)
Hey, whoa, take it easy.
00:13:14.794 --> 00:13:15.795
We'll go later.
00:13:15.795 --> 00:13:17.505
Where are you going?
00:13:17.505 --> 00:13:18.839
(EMILY)
Red Robin.
00:13:18.839 --> 00:13:21.258
(TOM)
Well-- oh, she's
putting her coat on.
00:13:21.258 --> 00:13:22.551
Hey, Em?
00:13:22.551 --> 00:13:24.720
Can we wait 'til mom gets
home and take her too?
00:13:25.387 --> 00:13:26.096
(EMILY)
Fuck you.
00:13:26.096 --> 00:13:26.764
(TOM)
[CHUCKLES]
00:13:27.765 --> 00:13:29.058
See? Now we're on Emily Time.
00:13:29.058 --> 00:13:31.560
[GUESTS CHATTERING,
DISHES CLANGING]
00:13:31.560 --> 00:13:34.480
(TINA)
[SIGHS] I would just
love for her to try new things.
00:13:34.480 --> 00:13:39.276
She's so scared of not
having her routine.
00:13:39.276 --> 00:13:40.861
There's a local
Mexican restaurant
00:13:40.861 --> 00:13:42.738
that we go to quite regularly.
00:13:42.738 --> 00:13:45.491
And if we say "Mexican," that's
where she thinks she's headed.
00:13:45.491 --> 00:13:47.576
And if it's not the
Mexican restaurant,
00:13:47.576 --> 00:13:49.870
sometimes it takes a little
bit to get her out of the car.
00:13:51.163 --> 00:13:52.957
You don't have to be scared.
00:13:52.957 --> 00:13:54.333
It's right there.
00:13:54.333 --> 00:13:55.543
See the little blinking sign?
00:13:55.543 --> 00:13:56.794
That's where we're going to go.
00:13:56.794 --> 00:13:57.294
Got it?
00:13:59.380 --> 00:14:01.340
All right, I'm going
to get in the car.
00:14:01.340 --> 00:14:01.924
(EMILY)
No!
00:14:01.924 --> 00:14:03.801
(TINA)
Then you need to get out.
00:14:03.801 --> 00:14:04.844
Then you need to get out.
00:14:04.844 --> 00:14:05.719
Come on, let's go.
00:14:07.054 --> 00:14:07.763
(EMILY)
No!
00:14:07.763 --> 00:14:08.973
(TINA)
Get your foot down.
00:14:08.973 --> 00:14:09.640
Get your foot down.
00:14:09.640 --> 00:14:10.766
I'm going to close the door.
00:14:10.766 --> 00:14:11.267
(EMILY)
No!
00:14:11.267 --> 00:14:11.934
(TINA)
Then let's go.
00:14:12.935 --> 00:14:13.310
Please?
00:14:13.310 --> 00:14:14.395
Let's just go.
00:14:14.395 --> 00:14:15.020
Can we just go?
00:14:15.312 --> 00:14:15.855
Come on.
00:14:16.689 --> 00:14:17.273
(EMILY)
No!
00:14:17.940 --> 00:14:18.482
No, no.
00:14:18.482 --> 00:14:19.483
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
00:14:19.483 --> 00:14:20.401
(TOM)
Get your foot in.
00:14:20.693 --> 00:14:21.318
(EMILY)
I need Mom.
00:14:21.318 --> 00:14:23.028
I need Mom! I need Mom!
00:14:23.028 --> 00:14:24.280
I need-- I need Mom.
00:14:24.280 --> 00:14:25.698
(TINA)
Don't-- don't hurt her.
00:14:25.698 --> 00:14:28.492
(TOM)
Okay, well, then let me
go home and get a sleeping bag
00:14:28.492 --> 00:14:29.869
because this is
where we live now.
00:14:29.869 --> 00:14:30.494
(TINA)
Let's go.
00:14:30.494 --> 00:14:31.495
Come on, you can do it.
00:14:31.495 --> 00:14:32.204
Come on.
00:14:32.204 --> 00:14:33.455
We can do it, babe.
00:14:33.914 --> 00:14:35.165
Come on, we got it.
00:14:35.165 --> 00:14:35.791
You got it.
00:14:35.791 --> 00:14:36.667
Good job.
00:14:37.710 --> 00:14:38.711
You’re okay.
(TOM)
Good job?
00:14:38.711 --> 00:14:39.670
(TINA)
Come on, you got it.
00:14:44.675 --> 00:14:45.175
See?
00:14:45.175 --> 00:14:46.218
You did it!
00:14:47.011 --> 00:14:47.887
See? You did it.
00:14:47.887 --> 00:14:48.470
(TOM)
Did what?
00:14:54.184 --> 00:14:55.060
You did it!
00:14:55.060 --> 00:14:56.270
(EMILY)
No!
00:14:58.105 --> 00:14:58.772
(TINA)
Well...
00:14:58.772 --> 00:15:00.649
(TOM)
The bigger the intellectual
disability, the harder it
00:15:00.649 --> 00:15:03.611
is for her to deal with
things going on around her.
00:15:03.611 --> 00:15:05.279
That's too much stress.
00:15:05.279 --> 00:15:07.323
I can't-- I got all
this stuff coming at me--
00:15:07.323 --> 00:15:08.657
(CARMEN)
Did Tom get a scratch?
00:15:08.657 --> 00:15:09.325
(TINA)
Yeah.
00:15:09.325 --> 00:15:10.242
(TOM)
--I shut down.
00:15:11.243 --> 00:15:13.203
Because we don't always
know and she's not always
00:15:13.203 --> 00:15:17.166
able to tell me why she's
upset, why she's shutting down.
00:15:17.750 --> 00:15:20.169
So we either try to figure
it out and make that thing
00:15:20.169 --> 00:15:20.920
go away,
00:15:21.462 --> 00:15:22.338
or we wait it out.
00:15:22.588 --> 00:15:24.173
(TINA)
I got you some
cheese quesadillas, okay?
00:15:24.173 --> 00:15:25.799
(EMILY)
I want to take home.
00:15:25.799 --> 00:15:26.842
(TINA)
Yeah, we're going to take it home.
00:15:26.842 --> 00:15:27.843
You don't have to worry.
00:15:30.054 --> 00:15:31.347
What do you tell Dad?
00:15:33.057 --> 00:15:34.683
(EMILY)
Sorry, Daddy.
00:15:34.683 --> 00:15:35.351
(TOM)
I don't know.
00:15:35.351 --> 00:15:36.644
Look what you did to my face.
00:15:36.644 --> 00:15:37.269
(EMILY)
[INAUDIBLE]
00:15:37.269 --> 00:15:38.395
(TOM)
Yeah, but look what
you did to my face.
00:15:38.395 --> 00:15:39.021
(EMILY)
No, hug me.
00:15:39.021 --> 00:15:41.023
(TOM)
Okay, but look what you did.
00:15:41.649 --> 00:15:42.441
Can you see?
00:15:42.691 --> 00:15:43.150
(TINA)
She won't.
00:15:43.150 --> 00:15:44.026
(EMILY)
No, I did not.
00:15:44.026 --> 00:15:44.902
(TOM)
No, you don't?
00:15:44.902 --> 00:15:45.653
(TINA)
She won't.
00:15:45.653 --> 00:15:48.447
[REFLECTIVE PIANO
MUSIC PLAYING]
00:15:53.744 --> 00:15:54.870
(TINA)
Okay?
00:15:54.870 --> 00:15:55.454
You got this.
00:15:55.454 --> 00:15:56.580
Come on, you got this.
00:15:56.580 --> 00:15:57.247
(EMILY)
Uh-uh.
00:15:57.247 --> 00:15:58.040
(TINA)
Don't be mean to me.
00:15:58.040 --> 00:15:58.791
Now stop.
00:15:59.416 --> 00:16:00.209
Please?
00:16:01.835 --> 00:16:02.419
Pretty please?
00:16:02.419 --> 00:16:03.295
(EMILY)
Uh-uh.
00:16:03.295 --> 00:16:04.880
(TINA)
Listen, I'll hold your hand.
00:16:04.880 --> 00:16:06.757
I'll hold your hand the whole time.
00:16:07.716 --> 00:16:08.342
(EMILY)
Uh-uh-uh.
00:16:08.342 --> 00:16:10.177
(TINA)
Okay, listen, it's okay.
00:16:10.469 --> 00:16:11.095
(EMILY)
No, it's not.
00:16:11.095 --> 00:16:12.596
(TINA)
Okay, let's go pick something to paint.
00:16:12.596 --> 00:16:13.180
Is that how--
00:16:13.180 --> 00:16:14.056
That's how we do it, right?
00:16:14.056 --> 00:16:14.807
We pick something?
00:16:14.807 --> 00:16:15.265
(EMPLOYEE)
Yeah.
00:16:15.265 --> 00:16:15.849
(TINA)
Okay.
00:16:16.058 --> 00:16:16.475
Okay.
00:16:16.809 --> 00:16:17.309
Umm...
00:16:17.559 --> 00:16:18.352
[CAT MEOWS]
00:16:18.352 --> 00:16:19.561
[GASPS] Hi, kitty!
00:16:19.937 --> 00:16:20.437
(EMILY)
Stop!
00:16:20.437 --> 00:16:21.146
(TINA)
Okay, stop.
00:16:21.146 --> 00:16:22.189
Okay, what do you want to pick?
00:16:22.189 --> 00:16:23.315
What do you want to paint?
00:16:24.108 --> 00:16:25.275
That's a big coffee mug!
00:16:25.275 --> 00:16:25.901
(EMILY)
No.
00:16:26.443 --> 00:16:27.027
A cat.
00:16:28.862 --> 00:16:30.364
(EMPLOYEE)
See this board right here?
00:16:30.364 --> 00:16:32.491
This shows you all the
pretty colors you can do.
00:16:32.491 --> 00:16:33.701
The ones that have stickers--
00:16:33.701 --> 00:16:34.868
(EMILY)
The cotton candy one.
00:16:34.868 --> 00:16:35.411
Cotton candy.
00:16:35.411 --> 00:16:36.036
(TINA)
That one?
00:16:36.036 --> 00:16:36.495
(EMILY)
Yep!
00:16:36.495 --> 00:16:37.121
(EMPLOYEE)
That one? Okay.
00:16:37.121 --> 00:16:37.997
(EMILY)
That's me!
00:16:38.372 --> 00:16:39.248
I can't really do this.
00:16:39.248 --> 00:16:40.082
(TINA)
Yes, you can.
00:16:40.082 --> 00:16:41.208
Do you want me to help you?
00:16:41.208 --> 00:16:42.584
(EMILY)
No, Mom, it's fine.
00:16:42.584 --> 00:16:43.711
(TINA)
Oh, sorry.
00:16:44.169 --> 00:16:45.087
(EMILY)
I want to pet it.
00:16:45.087 --> 00:16:45.713
(TINA)
Go ahead!
00:16:46.130 --> 00:16:46.839
Say, “Hi, kitty!”
00:16:46.839 --> 00:16:47.798
(EMILY)
Hi, kitty boy.
00:16:48.132 --> 00:16:49.633
[CAT LICKING]
00:16:49.633 --> 00:16:50.342
Ew!
00:16:50.968 --> 00:16:51.885
No biting.
00:16:51.885 --> 00:16:52.928
[TINA LAUGHS]
00:16:52.928 --> 00:16:53.887
God damn it, Mom.
00:16:53.887 --> 00:16:55.431
(TINA)
Shh, watch your mouth.
00:16:55.431 --> 00:16:56.140
(EMILY)
Sorry!
00:16:57.474 --> 00:16:59.935
[EMILY LAUGHING]
00:17:01.395 --> 00:17:04.023
(TINA)
Emily, is this the
craziest thing you ever saw?
00:17:05.107 --> 00:17:06.692
(EMILY)
[LAUGHING]
He's a scaredy-cat.
00:17:06.692 --> 00:17:07.609
[TINA CHUCKLES]
00:17:07.609 --> 00:17:09.820
[EMILY LAUGHING]
00:17:10.696 --> 00:17:12.072
[DISTANT CHATTERING]
00:17:15.492 --> 00:17:16.243
(TOM)
Em, you ready?
00:17:17.077 --> 00:17:17.828
(EMILY)
No.
00:17:17.828 --> 00:17:19.121
(TOM)
[LAUGHS] Are you going to help me?
00:17:19.621 --> 00:17:20.122
(EMILY)
No.
00:17:20.122 --> 00:17:20.789
(TOM)
No? All right.
00:17:20.789 --> 00:17:22.291
[LAUGHTER]
00:17:22.291 --> 00:17:23.250
(EMILY)
No, it's fine.
00:17:23.250 --> 00:17:23.959
(TOM)
All right.
00:17:23.959 --> 00:17:24.752
(TINA)
No, that's fine.
00:17:25.419 --> 00:17:26.879
Em, that's enough, okay?
00:17:27.546 --> 00:17:28.505
Really?
00:17:28.505 --> 00:17:31.258
You just had to give her
the bottle of the sanitizer.
00:17:31.258 --> 00:17:32.634
(TOM)
Listen, it's sanitizer.
00:17:32.634 --> 00:17:33.969
It's not chocolate syrup.
00:17:35.512 --> 00:17:36.013
(EMILY)
Dad--
00:17:36.013 --> 00:17:36.764
(TINA)
It stinks.
00:17:36.764 --> 00:17:37.514
It stinks.
00:17:37.514 --> 00:17:38.098
(EMILY)
--calm down.
00:17:38.098 --> 00:17:39.808
(TOM)
Look at all these other
chairs you could sit in.
00:17:40.267 --> 00:17:40.768
(EMILY)
I love you.
00:17:40.768 --> 00:17:42.311
(TINA)
Really? Because I will.
00:17:42.311 --> 00:17:42.978
(TOM)
Oh, yeah?
00:17:44.646 --> 00:17:45.314
[TOM CHUCKLES]
00:17:45.314 --> 00:17:47.024
(EMILY)
Man, it's sticky.
00:17:47.024 --> 00:17:47.775
(TOM)
Are you okay?
00:17:47.775 --> 00:17:50.319
(TINA)
Well, she's got so much
sanitizer her hands are sticky.
00:17:50.319 --> 00:17:51.987
(EMILY)
Mom, calm down.
00:17:52.446 --> 00:17:53.906
(TINA)
Oh, great, she's putting more on.
00:17:55.491 --> 00:17:56.575
(EMILY)
I love you, Mom.
00:17:56.575 --> 00:17:57.576
(TINA)
I love you, too, baby.
00:17:58.160 --> 00:17:59.578
(TOM)
If you have Down syndrome,
00:17:59.578 --> 00:18:00.996
you have an intellectual disability.
00:18:00.996 --> 00:18:02.706
There's no way around that.
00:18:03.415 --> 00:18:06.502
How severe that disability is
changes from person to person.
00:18:06.502 --> 00:18:08.003
But there's physical
characteristics
00:18:08.003 --> 00:18:09.254
that go with Down syndrome.
00:18:09.254 --> 00:18:12.174
I tell everybody, she carries
her disability on her face.
00:18:12.174 --> 00:18:13.675
If you know what
you're looking for,
00:18:13.675 --> 00:18:16.178
you can see those
features, and you know
00:18:16.178 --> 00:18:17.304
that she has Down syndrome.
00:18:17.304 --> 00:18:19.932
And that gives you a little
heads up about what to expect.
00:18:19.932 --> 00:18:21.225
You know she has an
intellectual disability.
00:18:21.225 --> 00:18:21.850
(EMILY)
Yes.
00:18:21.850 --> 00:18:22.559
(TOM)
Yes.
00:18:22.559 --> 00:18:24.186
Stimming is
self-stimulatory behavior,
00:18:24.186 --> 00:18:25.729
the repetition of
physical movements,
00:18:25.729 --> 00:18:27.439
sounds, words, or moving objects.
00:18:27.439 --> 00:18:29.399
For Emily, it's long-haired dolls.
00:18:29.399 --> 00:18:30.359
She loves those things.
00:18:30.359 --> 00:18:32.611
She holds it and she just
spins the hair back and forth.
00:18:33.403 --> 00:18:34.363
That's her stim.
00:18:34.363 --> 00:18:36.782
So for her birthday, we
walk her into Target.
00:18:36.782 --> 00:18:38.325
And she has the run of Target.
00:18:38.325 --> 00:18:39.201
What do you want?
00:18:39.201 --> 00:18:41.620
So we left there with three
Rapunzel dolls with long hair.
00:18:41.620 --> 00:18:43.497
That's her stim.
00:18:43.497 --> 00:18:45.415
(BRIAN)
I've hit Tom up with questions,
00:18:45.415 --> 00:18:48.710
been like, "Hey, look, I
was on this scene last night
00:18:48.710 --> 00:18:50.254
and X,Y,Z happened.
00:18:50.254 --> 00:18:51.380
Here's what I did.
00:18:51.380 --> 00:18:53.090
Is that what we
should have done?"
00:18:53.090 --> 00:18:55.551
I turn to him all the
time for questions.
00:18:55.551 --> 00:18:59.471
Because he's the expert in
this, or someone like him
00:18:59.471 --> 00:19:00.597
is the expert in this.
00:19:01.265 --> 00:19:05.435
(AUDIENCE MEMBER)
So would it be rude to
just turn towards the guardian
00:19:05.435 --> 00:19:06.770
and just talk to them?
00:19:06.770 --> 00:19:11.233
Or do I attempt to talk
to Emily and try to--
00:19:11.233 --> 00:19:12.442
(TOM)
Well, it depends.
00:19:12.442 --> 00:19:14.486
Certainly, interview her,
ask her the questions.
00:19:14.486 --> 00:19:15.237
Do you hurt?
00:19:15.237 --> 00:19:16.488
Do you have trouble breathing?
00:19:16.488 --> 00:19:18.532
She's thinking about
what I just asked her.
00:19:18.532 --> 00:19:20.367
She may or may not answer.
00:19:20.367 --> 00:19:21.243
You got to give her time.
00:19:21.952 --> 00:19:23.996
But you might have to look to
the caregiver or the parents
00:19:23.996 --> 00:19:26.123
to find out what's
really going on.
00:19:26.540 --> 00:19:28.584
Like now, if you're
trying to talk to her now,
00:19:28.584 --> 00:19:29.793
you're not going to get
anything out of her.
00:19:29.793 --> 00:19:30.878
So you're going to
have to talk to Mom,
00:19:30.878 --> 00:19:31.879
you're going to
have to talk to Dad
00:19:31.879 --> 00:19:33.422
to find out what's
going on with her.
00:19:33.422 --> 00:19:34.339
We might not even know.
00:19:34.923 --> 00:19:37.509
(EMILY)
[INHALES]
[INAUDIBLE] hospital.
00:19:37.509 --> 00:19:38.260
(TOM)
What?
00:19:38.260 --> 00:19:39.094
(EMILY)
Hospital!
00:19:39.094 --> 00:19:40.929
(TOM)
Well, yeah, when you
were sick, but not now.
00:19:41.763 --> 00:19:42.639
You're good now.
00:19:43.974 --> 00:19:44.766
(EMILY)
No!
00:19:44.766 --> 00:19:45.559
(TOM)
You are good.
00:19:45.559 --> 00:19:46.101
(EMILY)
No.
00:19:46.101 --> 00:19:46.977
(TOM)
You're not good?
00:19:46.977 --> 00:19:47.561
What do you need?
00:19:47.561 --> 00:19:48.478
(EMILY)
Where they at?
00:19:48.478 --> 00:19:49.771
(TOM)
Who? What are you looking for?
00:19:50.564 --> 00:19:51.273
Who are you looking for?
00:19:52.232 --> 00:19:52.858
(EMILY)
No!
00:19:52.858 --> 00:19:54.401
(TOM)
Can you tell me
who you're looking for?
00:19:54.401 --> 00:19:55.569
(TINA)
Then let her be.
00:19:56.737 --> 00:19:57.154
(TOM)
What?
00:19:57.654 --> 00:19:58.614
(TINA)
Just let her be.
00:19:59.364 --> 00:20:00.657
Practice what you preach.
00:20:02.784 --> 00:20:03.493
(TOM)
Can I fix your--
00:20:03.493 --> 00:20:04.203
(EMILY)
No!
00:20:04.203 --> 00:20:04.912
(TOM)
All right.
00:20:05.787 --> 00:20:07.247
(BRIAN)
It's not just an instructor
00:20:07.247 --> 00:20:11.293
reading off the classic
signs of someone
00:20:11.293 --> 00:20:13.086
with Down syndrome and
how they're probably
00:20:13.086 --> 00:20:14.213
going to interact with you
00:20:14.213 --> 00:20:17.674
and making it personal
by having Emily there.
00:20:17.674 --> 00:20:19.384
(TOM)
This is Emily and her sister, Sarah.
00:20:19.384 --> 00:20:19.927
(EMILY)
Sarah!
00:20:19.927 --> 00:20:21.094
(TOM)
That's Sarah.
00:20:21.094 --> 00:20:22.346
(TINA)
Can you tell Matt hi?
00:20:22.346 --> 00:20:23.305
(EMILY)
Hi, Matthew.
00:20:23.305 --> 00:20:24.306
[LAUGHTER]
(MATT)
Hi, Emily. How are you?
00:20:24.306 --> 00:20:25.224
(EMILY)
Good.
00:20:25.224 --> 00:20:25.724
[LAUGHTER]
00:20:25.724 --> 00:20:26.558
(TINA)
She's very official.
00:20:26.558 --> 00:20:27.768
(EMILY)
This is my mom, Tina.
00:20:27.768 --> 00:20:28.644
(TINA)
Yes, we've met.
00:20:28.644 --> 00:20:29.478
[TOM LAUGHS]
00:20:29.478 --> 00:20:30.938
(BRIAN)
How are you doing, Em?
00:20:30.938 --> 00:20:31.939
Are you excited?
00:20:33.065 --> 00:20:33.899
Can I have high five?
00:20:33.899 --> 00:20:34.983
(EMILY)
Don't touch me, please.
00:20:34.983 --> 00:20:36.360
(BRIAN)
Okay, I won't touch.
00:20:36.360 --> 00:20:37.027
That's fair.
00:20:37.027 --> 00:20:38.445
[TOM LAUGHING]
00:20:38.904 --> 00:20:40.197
[EMILY LAUGHS]
00:20:40.697 --> 00:20:42.908
(BRIAN)
It's one thing to read it
and understand it
00:20:42.908 --> 00:20:44.534
in a clinical sense.
00:20:44.534 --> 00:20:49.665
And it's totally something else
to see it when Emily's there.
00:20:49.665 --> 00:20:53.126
It makes Emily a real person
and not just something
00:20:53.126 --> 00:20:54.461
that we're taught in a class.
00:20:54.461 --> 00:20:56.922
And I think that that's
very, very important.
00:20:57.714 --> 00:20:59.967
(TOM)
But if you've met one
person with a disability,
00:20:59.967 --> 00:21:01.635
you've met one person
with a disability.
00:21:01.635 --> 00:21:03.011
You've met one person
with Down syndrome.
00:21:03.011 --> 00:21:05.013
If you've met one
person with autism,
00:21:05.013 --> 00:21:06.473
you've met one
person with autism.
00:21:06.473 --> 00:21:08.183
They're still individuals
just like we all are.
00:21:09.309 --> 00:21:10.310
I love this video.
00:21:10.852 --> 00:21:12.354
[LAUGHTER]
00:21:12.354 --> 00:21:13.855
(EMILY)
Can't hold it in.
00:21:13.855 --> 00:21:14.773
[FARTS]
00:21:14.773 --> 00:21:16.108
[LAUGHS]
00:21:16.108 --> 00:21:17.234
(TINA)
[WHISPERS] Shh, stop.
00:21:17.234 --> 00:21:18.860
I can't even resist you!
00:21:18.860 --> 00:21:20.570
[INAUDIBLE VIDEO DIALOGUE]
00:21:20.570 --> 00:21:23.448
[SIGHS] Oh, my god.
00:21:23.448 --> 00:21:24.324
Jeez!
00:21:24.324 --> 00:21:25.617
[TINA LAUGHING]
00:21:25.617 --> 00:21:29.496
(BRIAN)
You know, if you're at a sporting
event and she's in front of you
00:21:29.496 --> 00:21:31.665
in line and she just stops moving,
00:21:31.665 --> 00:21:33.166
the wider public needs to understand
00:21:33.166 --> 00:21:36.461
that she's not doing this
to make your life miserable.
00:21:36.461 --> 00:21:39.089
She's processing something
that we don't understand.
00:21:39.089 --> 00:21:40.465
And she has to work through it.
00:21:40.465 --> 00:21:41.300
So,
00:21:41.300 --> 00:21:43.510
one of the things
that Tom consistently
00:21:43.510 --> 00:21:46.346
teaches in The Emily Talk is patience.
00:21:46.346 --> 00:21:49.016
Slow down, slow down,
slow down, slow down.
00:21:49.016 --> 00:21:51.560
And that's something that,
for first responders,
00:21:51.560 --> 00:21:53.770
is naturally very difficult to do.
00:21:53.770 --> 00:21:57.107
It extends past someone like Emily.
00:21:57.107 --> 00:21:59.609
There's other times when
we need to slow down, too.
00:21:59.609 --> 00:22:01.278
And a lot of times,
that's not medicine.
00:22:01.278 --> 00:22:03.447
A lot of times that's
holding someone's hand
00:22:03.447 --> 00:22:05.449
or being a calming voice.
00:22:06.116 --> 00:22:08.535
And I think that's an
excellent takeaway point
00:22:08.535 --> 00:22:10.203
from The Emily Talk in general.
00:22:10.662 --> 00:22:12.289
(TOM)
She's the Teacher of Patience.
00:22:12.289 --> 00:22:14.291
I haven't taught her anything.
00:22:14.291 --> 00:22:15.584
She's taught me to be patient.
00:22:15.584 --> 00:22:17.627
She teaches everybody
around her to be patient.
00:22:17.627 --> 00:22:19.171
So that's what we're working on.
00:22:19.171 --> 00:22:21.757
[SWING CREAKING]
00:22:27.220 --> 00:22:29.723
All the time, I wonder
what's going on in her head.
00:22:31.266 --> 00:22:33.268
Like now, I have no idea. You know?
00:22:33.977 --> 00:22:35.979
The wheels are turning
in there, but I just
00:22:35.979 --> 00:22:38.648
don't know what's...what’s going on.
00:22:43.362 --> 00:22:44.112
It's a summer day.
00:22:44.112 --> 00:22:45.364
She's out riding her bike.
00:22:45.364 --> 00:22:47.324
Tina and I are both in the house.
00:22:47.324 --> 00:22:49.201
And she normally would
just ride her bike.
00:22:49.201 --> 00:22:52.162
Well, my next door neighbor,
TJ, knocks on the door and says,
00:22:52.162 --> 00:22:53.580
"First of all, she's fine."
00:22:54.039 --> 00:22:55.040
I said, "Who's fine?"
00:22:55.040 --> 00:22:55.707
He goes, "Emily.
00:22:55.707 --> 00:22:56.833
She's down the street."
00:22:56.833 --> 00:22:58.126
And so we jump in the truck.
00:22:58.126 --> 00:22:58.835
We go down there
00:22:58.835 --> 00:23:00.295
and we load her all
up and bring her back.
00:23:01.213 --> 00:23:02.798
So the next day,
there was a gate up.
00:23:04.466 --> 00:23:06.051
[GATE CREAKS]
00:23:06.551 --> 00:23:09.888
[CHAIN CLANGING]
00:23:11.556 --> 00:23:12.974
One day, she rode out to the gate
00:23:12.974 --> 00:23:13.850
and she just stopped.
00:23:13.850 --> 00:23:15.936
And I just happened
to be out in the barn.
00:23:15.936 --> 00:23:19.648
And she's sitting on her bike,
at the gate, just looking out
00:23:19.648 --> 00:23:20.357
to the road.
00:23:22.109 --> 00:23:22.943
And it tore me up.
00:23:27.739 --> 00:23:29.825
Because I don't know what's
going on in her head, you know?
00:23:29.825 --> 00:23:30.659
Is she...
00:23:30.659 --> 00:23:32.369
is she wondering what's out there?
00:23:32.369 --> 00:23:33.161
Or she just--
00:23:34.496 --> 00:23:36.164
she doesn't even realize she's at the gate
00:23:36.164 --> 00:23:38.041
and that's just where
she stopped? You know?
00:23:38.041 --> 00:23:39.126
But in my mind,
00:23:40.210 --> 00:23:41.420
she certainly could
00:23:41.420 --> 00:23:42.337
be wishing that she could,
00:23:44.506 --> 00:23:45.841
literally and figuratively,
00:23:46.383 --> 00:23:47.592
go through that gate.
00:23:47.592 --> 00:23:48.301
And she couldn't.
00:24:04.568 --> 00:24:05.193
Do I get a hug?
00:24:05.193 --> 00:24:05.694
(EMILY)
Oh.
00:24:05.694 --> 00:24:06.153
(TOM)
Thanks.
00:24:06.653 --> 00:24:07.487
Who's on there?
00:24:07.487 --> 00:24:09.823
(EMILY)
Justin Bieber, my boyfriend.
00:24:09.823 --> 00:24:11.658
(TOM)
He's kind of a punk, isn't he?
00:24:11.658 --> 00:24:13.702
You still got breakfast on your chin.
00:24:14.703 --> 00:24:16.079
Justin Bieber is a punk.
00:24:17.247 --> 00:24:17.914
Isn't he?
00:24:18.623 --> 00:24:19.040
Hey.
00:24:19.708 --> 00:24:20.250
Emily.
00:24:20.959 --> 00:24:22.169
Isn't he kind of a punk?
00:24:22.169 --> 00:24:22.752
(EMILY)
Yep.
00:24:22.752 --> 00:24:24.379
(TOM)
Yeah, big punk.
00:24:24.379 --> 00:24:25.005
(EMILY)
Stop it!
00:24:25.005 --> 00:24:26.006
(TOM)
He is!
00:24:26.006 --> 00:24:26.965
(EMILY)
He's my boyfriend.
00:24:26.965 --> 00:24:28.049
(TOM)
I don't know.
00:24:29.843 --> 00:24:31.136
How come he never comes around?
00:24:31.511 --> 00:24:32.012
Do you know?
00:24:32.012 --> 00:24:32.679
(EMILY)
Muah!
00:24:32.679 --> 00:24:35.098
( TOM)
How come he never comes around?
00:24:35.098 --> 00:24:36.516
You don't even know, do you?
00:24:36.516 --> 00:24:38.226
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
00:24:38.768 --> 00:24:39.686
(EMILY)
Dairy Queen?
00:24:39.686 --> 00:24:41.396
[TOM LAUGHING]
00:24:42.772 --> 00:24:43.565
(TOM)
Happy Wednesday.
00:24:46.193 --> 00:24:47.319
[MUSIC - SLEEPING AT LAST, "TWO"]
00:24:47.319 --> 00:24:50.822
♪ Sweetheart, you look a little tired. ♪
00:24:50.822 --> 00:24:53.408
♪ When did you last eat? ♪
00:24:55.368 --> 00:24:58.747
♪ Come in, and make
yourself right at home. ♪
00:24:58.747 --> 00:25:00.749
♪ Stay as long as you need. ♪
00:25:03.502 --> 00:25:05.045
♪ Tell me, is something wrong? ♪
00:25:05.045 --> 00:25:09.174
♪ If something's wrong,
you can count on me. ♪
00:25:10.926 --> 00:25:14.012
♪ You know I'll take
my heart clean apart ♪
00:25:14.012 --> 00:25:17.265
♪ if it helps yours beat. ♪
00:25:17.265 --> 00:25:22.521
♪ It's okay if you
can't find the words. ♪
00:25:23.813 --> 00:25:31.780
♪ Let me take your coat and this
weight off of your shoulders. ♪
00:25:31.780 --> 00:25:33.573
(TINA)
[CHUCKLES] It's funny.
00:25:33.573 --> 00:25:34.908
A lot of it's a blur.
00:25:35.450 --> 00:25:35.909
You know?
00:25:35.909 --> 00:25:38.537
When she first came home
from the hospital and--
00:25:38.537 --> 00:25:41.248
well, one of the many times she
came home from the hospital--
00:25:41.248 --> 00:25:42.249
she was trached.
00:25:42.249 --> 00:25:46.294
And she was on assistive
breathing apparatuses.
00:25:46.294 --> 00:25:48.255
And we're sitting
in the driveway.
00:25:48.255 --> 00:25:50.674
And we're wondering,
how do we get her home?
00:25:50.674 --> 00:25:53.635
How do we get her from
the car in the house?
00:25:53.635 --> 00:25:55.262
How do we bring all
this stuff with us?
00:25:55.262 --> 00:25:56.680
And we just kind of chuckled.
00:25:57.847 --> 00:25:58.974
How do we do all this?
00:25:58.974 --> 00:26:00.183
How do we...how do we...
00:26:00.183 --> 00:26:01.434
how do we make this work?
00:26:02.936 --> 00:26:03.979
(EMILY)
Do my hair!
00:26:04.187 --> 00:26:05.522
It looks fabulous!
00:26:06.022 --> 00:26:06.690
(TINA)
Hi, babe.
00:26:06.690 --> 00:26:07.482
(EMILY)
I love you.
00:26:07.482 --> 00:26:08.483
(TINA)
I love you, too.
00:26:08.483 --> 00:26:08.984
(EMILY)
That's enough.
00:26:08.984 --> 00:26:09.442
(TINA)
That's enough.
00:26:09.442 --> 00:26:10.443
Okay, high five.
00:26:10.443 --> 00:26:11.194
(EMILY)
High five!
00:26:11.194 --> 00:26:12.279
(TINA)
All right, good job.
00:26:12.279 --> 00:26:13.863
(EMILY)
[INAUDIBLE]
00:26:14.573 --> 00:26:15.407
(CARMEN)
[LAUGHTER] What?
00:26:15.407 --> 00:26:15.991
(TINA)
I'm not sure.
00:26:16.658 --> 00:26:18.368
(TOM)
Her job is to be happy
00:26:18.368 --> 00:26:21.079
and if that manifests
itself in teaching others,
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then that's her job.
00:26:23.123 --> 00:26:26.084
(ROB)
When you think of all the people,
00:26:26.459 --> 00:26:28.253
wherever you go, “How's Emily?”
00:26:28.253 --> 00:26:29.254
“What's she doing?”
00:26:29.254 --> 00:26:30.964
There are some people
we don't even know,
00:26:30.964 --> 00:26:32.549
but they know us through her.
00:26:33.049 --> 00:26:36.177
It's amazing the people
she's touched and how many.
00:26:36.177 --> 00:26:36.928
(LAURIE)
Yeah.
00:26:36.928 --> 00:26:37.762
(ROB)
It's crazy.
00:26:37.762 --> 00:26:39.014
[MUSIC - SLEEPING AT LAST, "TWO"]
00:26:39.014 --> 00:26:42.267
♪ No, I don't want to talk about myself. ♪
00:26:42.267 --> 00:26:45.145
♪ Tell me where it hurts. ♪
00:26:46.104 --> 00:26:48.273
♪ I just want to build you up. ♪
00:26:48.773 --> 00:26:49.482
(EMILY)
You do it.
00:26:49.482 --> 00:26:50.900
(TOM)
Well, but I need some help.
00:26:51.359 --> 00:26:52.861
Can you help me a little bit?
00:26:52.861 --> 00:26:53.987
(EMILY)
No, thank you.
00:26:53.987 --> 00:26:54.696
I'm good.
00:26:55.196 --> 00:26:56.072
[TOM LAUGHS]
You're the paramedic.
00:26:56.072 --> 00:26:56.906
(TOM)
I am the paramedic.
00:26:56.906 --> 00:26:58.783
But that doesn't mean
you can't cut a flower.
00:26:58.783 --> 00:26:59.409
(TINA)
You got it.
00:27:00.076 --> 00:27:01.119
(TOM)
Which one are you going to cut?
00:27:01.119 --> 00:27:01.661
(TINA)
Which one?
00:27:02.996 --> 00:27:04.164
(TOM)
Look, you gotta squeeze the handle.
00:27:04.748 --> 00:27:06.207
(TINA)
How about this one right here?
00:27:07.334 --> 00:27:07.917
[SNIP]
00:27:09.878 --> 00:27:10.962
You did it!
00:27:12.005 --> 00:27:15.258
(TOM)
"Normal" being a relative
term, we all have normal.
00:27:15.258 --> 00:27:17.093
All these other families,
all our neighbors,
00:27:17.093 --> 00:27:17.844
they're all normal.
00:27:18.470 --> 00:27:20.388
But their normal
is not our normal.
00:27:21.181 --> 00:27:23.099
From that aspect,
we're the same.
00:27:24.059 --> 00:27:27.062
You can't say that all the
neurotypical kids are normal
00:27:27.062 --> 00:27:28.521
and she's abnormal.
00:27:28.521 --> 00:27:29.564
That's not how you spin it.
00:27:32.525 --> 00:27:33.526
This is...this is normal.
00:27:33.526 --> 00:27:34.319
This is us.
00:27:34.319 --> 00:27:35.528
[MUSIC - SLEEPING AT LAST, "TWO"]
00:27:35.528 --> 00:27:38.740
♪ Like a force to
be reckoned with, ♪
00:27:38.740 --> 00:27:42.702
♪ a mighty ocean
or a gentle kiss. ♪
00:27:42.702 --> 00:27:46.164
♪ I will love you
with every single
thing I have. ♪
00:27:46.164 --> 00:27:48.416
♪ I will love you
with every single
thing I have. ♪
00:27:50.126 --> 00:27:53.588
♪ Like a tidal wave,
I'll make a mess. ♪
00:27:53.588 --> 00:27:57.050
♪ Or calm waters if
that serves you best. ♪
00:27:57.050 --> 00:28:02.722
♪ I will love you without
any strings attached. ♪
00:28:04.015 --> 00:28:11.147
♪ I will love you without
a single string attached. ♪
