00:00:44.896 --> 00:00:46.232
- [Voiceover] Autism.

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What does that word truly mean?

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Though many people define
the word differently,

00:00:52.130 --> 00:00:54.434
the statistics don't lie.

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It's the fastest growing
serious developmental

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disability in the United States

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affecting over one in 50 children.

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- Autism is defined as a
neurobiological disorder

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that affects social interaction.

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- Delays in communication,
social interaction,

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and also includes some sort
of repetitive behaviors.

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- Autism is similar to the prefix auto-.

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It means self.

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And so it describes someone
who is struggling because

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they are caught up in themselves,

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disconnected from their environment.

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- They're very much
engrossed in themselves.

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They're very solitary.

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They don't make friends.

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They don't cling to their mother.

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They're just isolated.

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- The word autism was coined in 1943 by

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a child psychiatrist who

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noticed that there were
certain children who had

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an insistence on sameness.

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- You have kids that stem by flapping.

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You have kids that are non-verbal.

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There are some that are verbal.

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I mean there are just so
many different aspects.

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Every child is different.

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- So autism of course spans a
tremendous range of severity

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in how functional the person is.

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- And it's very complex,

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and it differs vastly from
individual to individual.

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- The best way I can put it is that

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it's not a malfunction error.

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It's a different operating system.

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We just think differently
than other people do.

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- [Voiceover] At age 11,

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Alexis Wineman was diagnosed with autism.

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But in the winter of 2013,

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she made history by becoming
the first contestant

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with autism to compete for
the title of Miss America.

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- I learned that I had
autism when I was 11.

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And it was a very long process that lasted

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about the whole year.

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I couldn't give anyone an
excuse to why I was different.

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I couldn't give anyone an excuse why

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I was slower at doing everything
than everyone else was.

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And that was really hard for me.

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I just, I wanted to know the answer.

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But by the time I got it,

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I felt like it came too late.

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- [Voiceover] Although
Alexis found out later

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about her diagnosis,

00:03:12.261 --> 00:03:17.051
most cases are identified
early in childhood.

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- We first learned that
our son Joshua had autism

00:03:19.130 --> 00:03:21.380
when he was three years old.

00:03:21.380 --> 00:03:24.506
We knew something was a
little different about him,

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but as parents it was
difficult to make that decision

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to get him checked out.

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- One day I was in the kitchen

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and he was,

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when he was very good at
putting puzzles together.

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And he had put this puzzle
together very quickly.

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He's three.

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And I went and I turned all

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the puzzle pieces upside down.

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In no time at all,

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he had put that together.

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Even though he didn't
have the picture of what

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he was putting together.

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And it registered that that was unusual.

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- He wasn't rolling over.

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He wasn't able to sit up.

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Not a lot of sounds,

00:04:01.073 --> 00:04:04.188
and then we started seeing
other signs of autism.

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We were starting to see flapping,

00:04:07.068 --> 00:04:10.140
outburst, no speech.

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The eye contact was not there.

00:04:13.018 --> 00:04:16.132
- Technically the first
time I learned of his autism

00:04:16.132 --> 00:04:18.674
was when he was almost three years old.

00:04:18.674 --> 00:04:21.934
I suspected around nine months there was a

00:04:21.934 --> 00:04:25.231
strange motor skill
developing that I felt like

00:04:25.231 --> 00:04:26.691
I was the only one that noticed.

00:04:26.691 --> 00:04:28.867
I know babies aren't supposed to be fluid

00:04:28.867 --> 00:04:29.809
with their motions.

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But he would pinch his finger

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and thumb together and
wave his arm in this real

00:04:34.008 --> 00:04:35.833
awkward-type fashion.

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And it just kinda sent
up a flag I suppose.

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- When I came into autism,

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how the professionals saw
autism was how they heard

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in their form of training.

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That the mothers did it.

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There has been no research to show

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that parents cause autism.

00:04:53.432 --> 00:04:55.075
We need research on this.

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And finally we began to show that

00:04:59.843 --> 00:05:04.258
this was an innate disability that

00:05:04.258 --> 00:05:09.258
children came with this disorder.

00:05:09.730 --> 00:05:11.330
And as we collected more and more parents

00:05:11.330 --> 00:05:13.057
and families and children,

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we started the National
Society for Autistic Children

00:05:15.979 --> 00:05:19.926
and we never invited one of
those psychiatrists to come

00:05:19.926 --> 00:05:21.430
to one of our meetings.

00:05:21.430 --> 00:05:23.541
- We learned that Henry first had autism,

00:05:23.541 --> 00:05:26.795
he wasn't really communicating at all

00:05:26.795 --> 00:05:29.239
like with his eyes or speaking,

00:05:29.239 --> 00:05:32.559
really is what worried us
the most he wasn't speaking.

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To put it in terms of
being far on the spectrum,

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I would say that Benjamin is not

00:05:37.509 --> 00:05:39.334
as far on the spectrum as Henry.

00:05:39.334 --> 00:05:40.613
Benjamin, he's very social.

00:05:40.613 --> 00:05:44.048
Henry, on the other hand, he's quiet.

00:05:44.048 --> 00:05:46.107
He's non-verbal.

00:05:46.107 --> 00:05:48.667
He has more repetitive
behaviors than Benjamin.

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- The spectrum is a wide array.

00:05:51.994 --> 00:05:52.741
There's a low end

00:05:52.741 --> 00:05:54.064
and a high end.

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My son would fall on the high end,

00:05:55.759 --> 00:05:58.768
otherwise meaning that he is severe

00:05:58.768 --> 00:06:00.069
on the spectrum.

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And that means a lot of different things.

00:06:03.993 --> 00:06:05.167
It means he can't talk.

00:06:05.167 --> 00:06:07.684
It means he has motor
problems with skills.

00:06:07.684 --> 00:06:09.998
He's never really been
good with a utensil.

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It's all fingered foods.

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I do his bathing

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and potty trips.

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I do his hair cuts

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(laughs)

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because at this point he
won't let anybody else touch

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anywhere close to his ears.

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- My oldest daughter was
diagnosed this last year

00:06:23.043 --> 00:06:25.080
with Asperger's Syndrome

00:06:25.080 --> 00:06:26.744
and she's 13.

00:06:26.744 --> 00:06:30.627
The only way that I knew that
she was autistic was because

00:06:30.627 --> 00:06:32.471
of my youngest daughter,

00:06:32.471 --> 00:06:33.869
my three-year-old daughter.

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And she has classic autism.

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After we got Presley diagnosed,

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I really started seeing
a lot of similarities

00:06:41.110 --> 00:06:42.467
in their development.

00:06:42.467 --> 00:06:44.502
My oldest daughter, Mackenzie,

00:06:44.502 --> 00:06:47.895
she had language and never lost language.

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She never had a major regression.

00:06:50.656 --> 00:06:54.881
But her use of language
was always very different.

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- When we found out we
were having a second child,

00:06:56.898 --> 00:06:59.103
my prayer to God was,

00:06:59.103 --> 00:07:01.195
"God please give me an autistic child."

00:07:01.195 --> 00:07:02.701
Like many families,

00:07:02.701 --> 00:07:04.182
we pray for a healthy child.

00:07:04.182 --> 00:07:06.240
- It was always a suspicion.

00:07:06.240 --> 00:07:07.904
We knew something was wrong,

00:07:07.904 --> 00:07:09.633
but for me I guess it really hit home

00:07:09.633 --> 00:07:11.317
that first doctor visit.

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Hearing him put that diagnosis

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and putting it to him was
kind of the hardest part.

00:07:17.129 --> 00:07:18.390
And it was really heartfelt.

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It was hard to take for me.

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- One of my greatest fears was,

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"Would I ever hear my son tell me

00:07:26.792 --> 00:07:28.138
that he loves me?"

00:07:28.138 --> 00:07:32.885
because of the language
and communication delay

00:07:32.885 --> 00:07:36.233
that we knew that Caleb was
experiencing at the time.

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We can feel love.

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We can see love through actions,

00:07:40.256 --> 00:07:44.232
but as a father selfishly
I wanted to be able

00:07:44.232 --> 00:07:45.864
to hear that from Caleb.

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The first time I heard that was,

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there was a lot of joy.

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- The primary challenges
related to autism are

00:07:58.269 --> 00:08:01.926
the challenges with social
interaction and communication.

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- Just being able to
communicate what his needs are.

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That's always an issue because

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he doesn't speak in full sentences.

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He does speak and he can say anything,

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but he doesn't communicate back and forth

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in a normal conversation
like you and I do.

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What kind do you want?

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There's orange, pink, and purple.

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- Purple!

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- Purple!

00:08:25.264 --> 00:08:28.634
- I couldn't really communicate
with my peers very well.

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In fact I think it was until
high school that I actually

00:08:30.735 --> 00:08:32.946
wanted to make real friends.

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And I had people who were nice to me,

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but they would never associate
themselves as my friend.

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It was just kind of hard
cause you want to reach out.

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You don't want to be alone.

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But you don't know how to reach out.

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- And as you read the literature now,

00:08:45.519 --> 00:08:48.793
you know that that's one of the symptoms.

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They stop talking.

00:08:50.544 --> 00:08:54.201
A normal-looking child suddenly
doesn't have speech anymore.

00:08:54.201 --> 00:08:57.731
- You hear a lot about the
vocabulary which is a lot of kids

00:08:57.731 --> 00:08:59.621
will have a bunch of words

00:08:59.621 --> 00:09:01.006
and then just totally regress

00:09:01.006 --> 00:09:03.725
and the parents are sure
it was the vaccines.

00:09:03.725 --> 00:09:05.815
I can't say that.

00:09:05.815 --> 00:09:07.336
He had maybe five words

00:09:07.336 --> 00:09:10.099
and before they all
just started going away

00:09:10.099 --> 00:09:12.125
and he got so withdrawn

00:09:12.125 --> 00:09:13.471
and inside of himself.

00:09:13.471 --> 00:09:17.779
- He does have a very low
vocabulary of ten to 15 words.

00:09:17.779 --> 00:09:21.288
And they're usually food related (laughs).

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- They are usually animals.

00:09:23.571 --> 00:09:25.277
He's always been animal driven.

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That's really how we got
him out of his shell.

00:09:27.912 --> 00:09:29.170
Motivated him with animals.

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- Okay.

00:09:30.130 --> 00:09:31.954
(kissing sounds)

00:09:31.954 --> 00:09:33.681
- Taking him out in public,

00:09:33.681 --> 00:09:36.018
he would have meltdowns.

00:09:36.018 --> 00:09:37.467
He was our tantrums.

00:09:37.467 --> 00:09:40.712
He just doesn't understand
when he can't have something,

00:09:40.712 --> 00:09:42.824
so he throws a fit.

00:09:42.824 --> 00:09:44.209
- And that seems to be one of the

00:09:44.209 --> 00:09:46.202
first things that you notice,

00:09:46.202 --> 00:09:46.834
it's his scream.

00:09:46.834 --> 00:09:48.997
And it's a terrible scream.

00:09:48.997 --> 00:09:51.015
It's a scream that you're hurting so much

00:09:51.015 --> 00:09:52.903
you can't even say anything.

00:09:52.903 --> 00:09:56.315
It just pierces the atmosphere

00:09:56.315 --> 00:09:59.658
and your heart when you hear it.

00:10:06.553 --> 00:10:07.931
- [Voiceover] Do you need to take a break?

00:10:10.201 --> 00:10:12.518
- Let me get over this.

00:10:12.518 --> 00:10:15.078
- He looks like every other child.

00:10:15.078 --> 00:10:17.979
And people tend to look at him more like

00:10:17.979 --> 00:10:19.005
that he's a brat.

00:10:19.005 --> 00:10:20.197
- If I can just get him to focus,

00:10:20.197 --> 00:10:21.030
he can say,

00:10:21.030 --> 00:10:23.184
"I want Pediasure" or "I want cookies"

00:10:23.184 --> 00:10:25.340
or "I want outside".

00:10:25.340 --> 00:10:27.227
We have not gotten him to the
point where he will tell me

00:10:27.227 --> 00:10:29.487
he needs to go potty yet.

00:10:29.487 --> 00:10:30.969
That is a challenge.

00:10:30.969 --> 00:10:33.019
Kids with his severity level
could be in their teens

00:10:33.019 --> 00:10:34.948
before they're successfully potty-trained.

00:10:34.948 --> 00:10:36.614
- When you have a child with autism,

00:10:36.614 --> 00:10:39.257
sometimes a child can
be very emotional when

00:10:39.257 --> 00:10:42.630
things don't go their way or
understanding when to do things

00:10:42.630 --> 00:10:44.175
or when not to do things.

00:10:44.175 --> 00:10:45.680
And on the other hand,

00:10:45.680 --> 00:10:47.792
people who may not know about autism

00:10:47.792 --> 00:10:49.701
or know about your child,

00:10:49.701 --> 00:10:51.268
they may not be as understanding.

00:10:51.268 --> 00:10:55.269
- Although we've seen
tremendous improvement

00:10:55.269 --> 00:10:58.991
in autism awareness over
the last decade or so,

00:10:58.991 --> 00:11:01.149
we still have a long way to go.

00:11:03.556 --> 00:11:06.382
- [Voiceover] Many people only
connect children with autism.

00:11:06.382 --> 00:11:10.510
But a large number of adults
are diagnosed later in life.

00:11:10.510 --> 00:11:11.864
- I don't wanna be on camera because

00:11:11.864 --> 00:11:13.410
of the stigma that is associated with

00:11:13.410 --> 00:11:15.054
the diagnose of autism.

00:11:15.054 --> 00:11:18.263
There's a lot of misconceptions
out in the world today about

00:11:18.263 --> 00:11:19.747
what autism is

00:11:19.747 --> 00:11:21.517
and a lot of people
don't understand because

00:11:21.517 --> 00:11:22.680
they're not educated

00:11:22.680 --> 00:11:25.241
and there needs to be more awareness.

00:11:25.241 --> 00:11:28.908
A lot of people have this
conception that people who

00:11:28.908 --> 00:11:32.428
are on the spectrum have a lot
of aggressive-type behaviors.

00:11:32.428 --> 00:11:36.674
And so I feel that I don't
wanna be viewed as an

00:11:36.674 --> 00:11:38.987
aggressive-type person
or someone of any kind

00:11:38.987 --> 00:11:42.741
of aggressive tendencies
or someone who is violent

00:11:42.741 --> 00:11:43.638
in any way.

00:11:43.638 --> 00:11:45.856
I always knew as a young
child there was something

00:11:45.856 --> 00:11:47.345
different about me.

00:11:47.345 --> 00:11:50.162
I have a lot of social anxiety.

00:11:50.162 --> 00:11:53.724
I also have a lot of depression as well.

00:11:53.724 --> 00:11:56.059
I always knew there was
something different also to that

00:11:56.059 --> 00:11:58.535
not only with the social anxiety part

00:11:58.535 --> 00:12:01.807
but I'm the type of person
where I like that things

00:12:01.807 --> 00:12:04.027
be in a routine.

00:12:04.027 --> 00:12:06.203
So for example, whether I'm at a job or

00:12:06.203 --> 00:12:09.072
like I can remember off
the top of my head that

00:12:09.072 --> 00:12:11.281
in the past when I used
to work retail jobs

00:12:11.281 --> 00:12:13.073
and I work at a cash register,

00:12:13.073 --> 00:12:15.460
and if anything went wrong,

00:12:15.460 --> 00:12:18.543
like something went wrong
with the transaction,

00:12:18.543 --> 00:12:21.999
I had this increased anxiety.

00:12:21.999 --> 00:12:25.125
And I feel like that
everything has to be a routine.

00:12:25.125 --> 00:12:26.351
That's how people are on the spectrum,

00:12:26.351 --> 00:12:28.132
that everything has to be a routine.

00:12:28.132 --> 00:12:28.921
And if that goes off,

00:12:28.921 --> 00:12:30.084
the routine is off,

00:12:30.084 --> 00:12:31.794
then there's that anxiety.

00:12:31.794 --> 00:12:34.169
- Originally I was diagnosed as being ADHD

00:12:34.169 --> 00:12:38.351
and later in life about when I was 28,

00:12:38.351 --> 00:12:40.730
I was diagnosed with being autistic.

00:12:40.730 --> 00:12:43.802
Some of the types of things
that I face are different

00:12:43.802 --> 00:12:46.585
than what other autistic adults face.

00:12:46.585 --> 00:12:49.348
They say that when you've
met one autistic adult,

00:12:49.348 --> 00:12:51.554
you've met exactly one autistic adult.

00:12:51.554 --> 00:12:53.794
Some people are social butterflies.

00:12:53.794 --> 00:12:54.851
Well being autistic,

00:12:54.851 --> 00:12:58.424
some people are so scared to meet somebody

00:12:58.424 --> 00:12:59.948
that they've never met in their life.

00:12:59.948 --> 00:13:03.704
After I began to learn
more about my diagnosis,

00:13:03.704 --> 00:13:06.796
I began to understand more about myself.

00:13:06.796 --> 00:13:10.578
About how I was thinking.

00:13:10.578 --> 00:13:12.328
How I was approaching life.

00:13:12.328 --> 00:13:14.881
- I'm on the spectrum so
I have my own challenges.

00:13:14.881 --> 00:13:16.322
But I love my son

00:13:16.322 --> 00:13:18.999
and I'm doing all my best
that I can to help him.

00:13:18.999 --> 00:13:21.793
- I do still face my challenges.

00:13:21.793 --> 00:13:22.936
I think everyone with autism,

00:13:22.936 --> 00:13:24.066
no matter how old they get,

00:13:24.066 --> 00:13:26.977
still faces a few obstacles.

00:13:26.977 --> 00:13:29.186
I think the difference is
just that when you get older

00:13:29.186 --> 00:13:32.076
you have better ways of coping with it.

00:13:32.076 --> 00:13:33.333
I still have my meltdowns.

00:13:33.333 --> 00:13:34.773
I still have my bad days,

00:13:34.773 --> 00:13:36.907
but I've noticed as I've gotten older,

00:13:36.907 --> 00:13:38.251
and this may just be me,

00:13:38.251 --> 00:13:40.161
and I think it is,

00:13:40.161 --> 00:13:44.268
my sensory issues have
gotten actually worse.

00:13:44.268 --> 00:13:45.664
Certain noises set me off.

00:13:45.664 --> 00:13:47.104
Bright lights set me off,

00:13:47.104 --> 00:13:50.518
and I didn't really have those
problems when I was a kid.

00:13:50.518 --> 00:13:52.223
So to a degree,

00:13:52.223 --> 00:13:54.870
my communicational skills
are getting better,

00:13:54.870 --> 00:13:57.183
but those some aspects
that are getting worse

00:13:57.183 --> 00:13:59.445
and I do need to better
ways to cope with that.

00:13:59.445 --> 00:14:01.674
- [Will] The most challenging
thing with kids with autism

00:14:01.674 --> 00:14:03.892
is, having two kids, is scheduling.

00:14:03.892 --> 00:14:05.472
If one child is doing something,

00:14:05.472 --> 00:14:08.477
the other needs to be
either involved with what

00:14:08.477 --> 00:14:11.230
the first child's doing
or it's not gonna work.

00:14:11.230 --> 00:14:15.657
- A day in the life of
our family is very loud.

00:14:15.657 --> 00:14:18.195
And it does not involve much sleep.

00:14:18.195 --> 00:14:19.904
Usually we get started at 6 A.M.

00:14:19.904 --> 00:14:21.161
Somebody's awake,

00:14:21.161 --> 00:14:22.729
sometimes as early as 4

00:14:22.729 --> 00:14:24.552
but on a good day it's 6 A.M.

00:14:24.552 --> 00:14:25.533
Do the normal things:

00:14:25.533 --> 00:14:27.561
getting everyone up and dressed and fed,

00:14:27.561 --> 00:14:30.506
but every step of the way we're trying

00:14:30.506 --> 00:14:32.190
to pull speech from them.

00:14:32.190 --> 00:14:34.974
We're trying to determine
what it is that they want

00:14:34.974 --> 00:14:36.179
or what they need.

00:14:36.179 --> 00:14:39.752
If we put the wrong dress on,

00:14:39.752 --> 00:14:42.108
it could lead to a ten minute tantrum.

00:14:42.108 --> 00:14:45.255
- Well I retired from the
Army after 24 years in it,

00:14:45.255 --> 00:14:49.363
so for me I'm sort of
coming from cancer myself.

00:14:49.363 --> 00:14:51.655
So my diagnosis is clear

00:14:51.655 --> 00:14:53.608
and I'm good to go so
I'm trying to get him

00:14:53.608 --> 00:14:54.866
to be the same way.

00:14:54.866 --> 00:14:58.278
And helping him is really
curing me at the same time.

00:14:58.278 --> 00:14:59.259
I'm always energetic.

00:14:59.259 --> 00:15:00.721
So I don't have time to sit down

00:15:00.721 --> 00:15:03.398
and think about things
that's going on with me.

00:15:03.398 --> 00:15:06.000
He's my priority right now.

00:15:06.000 --> 00:15:08.626
Being a dad at home says I'm
retired from the military.

00:15:08.626 --> 00:15:13.350
It's kind of like another
full-time duty or job for me.

00:15:13.350 --> 00:15:15.078
It's not just going to work everyday.

00:15:15.078 --> 00:15:16.219
Now I wake up to work

00:15:16.219 --> 00:15:18.982
and helping him to succeed in life

00:15:18.982 --> 00:15:20.623
is my main goal right now.

00:15:20.623 --> 00:15:23.451
And his objective is my
objective to make him

00:15:23.451 --> 00:15:24.911
the best that he can be.

00:15:24.911 --> 00:15:29.029
- We also have daily
challenges of just the timing.

00:15:29.029 --> 00:15:29.862
Getting him dressed,

00:15:29.862 --> 00:15:31.675
getting him bathed,

00:15:31.675 --> 00:15:34.127
him not wanting to cooperate.

00:15:34.127 --> 00:15:36.419
We have challenges with his food.

00:15:36.419 --> 00:15:39.267
He has very high sensory issues with food.

00:15:39.267 --> 00:15:40.890
He has to smell everything.

00:15:40.890 --> 00:15:44.186
So if it's not the exact
brand of food that he likes,

00:15:44.186 --> 00:15:45.626
he won't touch it.

00:15:45.626 --> 00:15:47.439
- We wake up early.

00:15:47.439 --> 00:15:50.766
And sometimes we don't
sleep at night (laughs).

00:15:50.766 --> 00:15:53.347
I think that's the biggest difference

00:15:53.347 --> 00:15:55.791
of having autistic kids.

00:15:55.791 --> 00:15:57.976
It's the lack of sleep.

00:15:57.976 --> 00:15:59.320
- Holding a job.

00:15:59.320 --> 00:16:01.368
I mean if you're a single
parent with autism,

00:16:01.368 --> 00:16:02.669
and if you look at the divorce rates,

00:16:02.669 --> 00:16:04.259
they're very high.

00:16:04.259 --> 00:16:07.043
I'm not blaming the children, no.

00:16:07.043 --> 00:16:09.335
It's just you really find
out what you're made of

00:16:09.335 --> 00:16:10.755
when you get that diagnosis.

00:16:10.755 --> 00:16:12.770
It might break you at first,

00:16:12.770 --> 00:16:14.114
but the battle line gets strong

00:16:14.114 --> 00:16:16.344
and you find out what parents
are willing to do what.

00:16:16.344 --> 00:16:17.346
What parents not.

00:16:17.346 --> 00:16:20.162
And I don't expect
everybody to go overboard

00:16:20.162 --> 00:16:22.071
like I do to compensate.

00:16:22.071 --> 00:16:24.673
Somebody needs to meet me
in the middle of somewhere.

00:16:24.673 --> 00:16:25.655
If you don't feel like that's happened,

00:16:25.655 --> 00:16:27.841
things start to fall apart
rather than fall together.

00:16:27.841 --> 00:16:31.106
- One of the more difficult
things with having

00:16:31.106 --> 00:16:33.665
an autistic child is homework

00:16:33.665 --> 00:16:35.329
and things like that
when it comes to things

00:16:35.329 --> 00:16:36.833
that he doesn't understand.

00:16:36.833 --> 00:16:39.170
Compare it to our other children,

00:16:39.170 --> 00:16:41.547
sometimes it takes a little
bit longer to get him

00:16:41.547 --> 00:16:43.947
to understand doing homework because

00:16:43.947 --> 00:16:46.261
he'll go from going to school all day

00:16:46.261 --> 00:16:48.267
and having to come home and do homework.

00:16:48.267 --> 00:16:49.717
And sometimes that can be tough.

00:16:49.717 --> 00:16:52.276
- She is very addicted to her team,

00:16:52.276 --> 00:16:54.849
so she tends to want to do things

00:16:54.849 --> 00:16:57.854
on her rigid schedule.

00:16:57.854 --> 00:16:59.732
And that's probably the biggest challenge.

00:16:59.732 --> 00:17:01.013
- When we saw challenges early on,

00:17:01.013 --> 00:17:04.361
I mean more difficulty sleeping
than the average child,

00:17:04.361 --> 00:17:06.517
sleep disorders are common among

00:17:06.517 --> 00:17:09.012
individuals with autism across the board.

00:17:09.012 --> 00:17:10.719
- They do have difficulty falling asleep,

00:17:10.719 --> 00:17:15.076
so usually we can get everyone
to sleep by 11 o'clock,

00:17:15.076 --> 00:17:18.168
and then it starts all
over sometimes at four.

00:17:18.168 --> 00:17:18.863
- When we go to bed,

00:17:18.863 --> 00:17:20.997
they need to be in separate rooms because

00:17:20.997 --> 00:17:24.388
it will be impossible for
them to fall asleep otherwise.

00:17:25.548 --> 00:17:27.566
Benjamin had about a year ago,

00:17:27.566 --> 00:17:28.867
started climbing in Henry's bed

00:17:28.867 --> 00:17:31.170
and jumping on it when Henry would try

00:17:31.170 --> 00:17:33.360
and be going to sleep.

00:17:33.360 --> 00:17:34.395
And because of that,

00:17:34.395 --> 00:17:36.102
we had to put them in separate rooms.

00:17:36.102 --> 00:17:37.605
- Also feeding challenges.

00:17:37.605 --> 00:17:39.272
That was an issue.

00:17:39.272 --> 00:17:40.379
And of course as a mother,

00:17:40.379 --> 00:17:42.779
you don't really realize what that is.

00:17:42.779 --> 00:17:43.856
You think it could be,

00:17:43.856 --> 00:17:45.019
"I'm doing something wrong",

00:17:45.019 --> 00:17:46.149
or there's something,

00:17:46.149 --> 00:17:47.760
"They have an upset stomach",

00:17:47.760 --> 00:17:49.030
or there's something else wrong.

00:17:49.030 --> 00:17:50.395
But you don't think of autism.

00:17:50.395 --> 00:17:51.707
- Keeping him in the rhythm,

00:17:51.707 --> 00:17:55.025
not getting too excited in
the day or in the morning

00:17:55.025 --> 00:17:57.275
and not letting him fall into that rut of

00:17:57.275 --> 00:17:59.877
being irritated or frustrated,

00:17:59.877 --> 00:18:02.278
keeping him in that happy
medium to where he's

00:18:02.278 --> 00:18:04.324
happy to go do things

00:18:04.324 --> 00:18:06.703
and to do new things and try things,

00:18:06.703 --> 00:18:08.453
and just to go on about his daily routine

00:18:08.453 --> 00:18:10.074
in a joyful manner.

00:18:10.074 --> 00:18:13.790
Keeping him joyful day-to-day
is a real challenge.

00:18:13.790 --> 00:18:15.380
- He hears everything.

00:18:15.380 --> 00:18:17.343
He's hyper sensitive to everything.

00:18:17.343 --> 00:18:18.466
Things that we may not hear,

00:18:18.466 --> 00:18:21.448
he hears ten different things at once.

00:18:21.448 --> 00:18:23.443
So if we're in a public place,

00:18:23.443 --> 00:18:24.967
things that may set him off:

00:18:24.967 --> 00:18:26.140
babies crying,

00:18:26.140 --> 00:18:27.783
a loud sound,

00:18:27.783 --> 00:18:31.603
even fluorescent lights
may just be so overwhelming

00:18:31.603 --> 00:18:34.857
to his senses that he,

00:18:34.857 --> 00:18:36.295
it's almost painful.

00:18:36.295 --> 00:18:40.135
So going to the grocery store
is a challenge sometimes

00:18:40.135 --> 00:18:42.824
because what he does to
comfort himself or soothe

00:18:42.824 --> 00:18:44.626
is he'll knock over something.

00:18:44.626 --> 00:18:47.004
And where he's getting
too big to be in a cart,

00:18:47.004 --> 00:18:50.055
he'll run over to the
shelf and just (whooshes).

00:18:50.055 --> 00:18:52.635
- Skipping over to high school

00:18:52.635 --> 00:18:55.923
and college and moving on into adulthood,

00:18:55.923 --> 00:18:58.651
the challenges can be as vastly different

00:18:58.651 --> 00:19:00.272
as the individuals of course.

00:19:01.782 --> 00:19:02.442
But in general,

00:19:02.442 --> 00:19:04.586
you have the social aspect.

00:19:04.586 --> 00:19:07.924
It is key if an individual is
functioning at a level where

00:19:07.924 --> 00:19:10.581
they're able to interact in a way that is

00:19:11.981 --> 00:19:12.723
closer to typical.

00:19:12.723 --> 00:19:13.940
Some individuals are non-verbal.

00:19:13.940 --> 00:19:16.586
About 25% are non-verbal or

00:19:16.586 --> 00:19:18.985
they're able to communicate using an iPad

00:19:18.985 --> 00:19:21.972
or some other device to
assist them with that.

00:19:21.972 --> 00:19:24.941
So the challenges can be very vast.

00:19:29.342 --> 00:19:31.189
- [Voiceover] One of the
challenges parents face is

00:19:31.189 --> 00:19:34.034
how to discipline a child with autism.

00:19:34.034 --> 00:19:35.497
Each child is unique

00:19:35.497 --> 00:19:39.849
and the best approach depends
on the individual case.

00:19:39.849 --> 00:19:42.024
- When it comes to
disciplining an autistic child,

00:19:42.024 --> 00:19:44.829
you really have to know your child

00:19:44.829 --> 00:19:47.848
and understand why that
behavior is occurring.

00:19:47.848 --> 00:19:50.088
- I used to be a nanny at one
point before I had children.

00:19:50.088 --> 00:19:52.604
And I'm from a big family

00:19:52.604 --> 00:19:54.375
and I can kind of tell whether it's just

00:19:54.375 --> 00:19:57.436
a three-year-old thing
or if it's something

00:19:57.436 --> 00:20:01.906
that's autistic that's way
blown out of proportion.

00:20:01.906 --> 00:20:05.405
And I kind of keep that in
mind when I determine how

00:20:05.405 --> 00:20:07.740
and if I'm going to
discipline her for something.

00:20:07.740 --> 00:20:09.222
- We walk a fine line in my home.

00:20:10.632 --> 00:20:14.370
Trying to not have two sets of rules.

00:20:14.370 --> 00:20:19.370
Trying not to have two sets of standards.

00:20:20.162 --> 00:20:22.742
One for the typical learning child

00:20:22.742 --> 00:20:25.343
and one for my
developmentally delayed child.

00:20:25.343 --> 00:20:28.129
- When she is having a panic attack

00:20:28.129 --> 00:20:30.687
or having a lot of anxiety about things,

00:20:30.687 --> 00:20:33.525
I really have to look
at the situation and go,

00:20:33.525 --> 00:20:36.581
"Okay we are in Sam's" (laughs),

00:20:36.581 --> 00:20:38.266
and it's the lighting

00:20:38.266 --> 00:20:40.869
and it's the sound that's
causing her to scream.

00:20:40.869 --> 00:20:45.071
And I know that it's not her being bad,

00:20:45.071 --> 00:20:48.346
so I kind of just try to calm her down.

00:20:48.346 --> 00:20:52.206
- We typically try to talk
to him to try to figure out

00:20:52.206 --> 00:20:54.574
what's going on to get him to speak.

00:20:54.574 --> 00:20:57.338
And luckily for us he is verbal.

00:20:57.338 --> 00:20:58.830
So in some cases,

00:20:58.830 --> 00:21:00.473
we have to calm him down

00:21:00.473 --> 00:21:02.990
and get him to tell us what's going on.

00:21:02.990 --> 00:21:06.083
And once we find out what's happening,

00:21:06.083 --> 00:21:08.228
then we'll assess the situation

00:21:08.228 --> 00:21:09.209
and make a decision.

00:21:09.209 --> 00:21:12.398
- It's a complicated suggestion
that you even consider cause

00:21:12.398 --> 00:21:14.498
you don't know if he fully
understands what you're

00:21:14.498 --> 00:21:15.771
disciplining him for.

00:21:15.771 --> 00:21:18.309
But enhancing those rewards for good

00:21:18.309 --> 00:21:22.149
and decreasing the rewards
for the negative is really key

00:21:22.149 --> 00:21:23.974
an important role.

00:21:23.974 --> 00:21:25.166
And when you do those things,

00:21:25.166 --> 00:21:25.607
he'll say,

00:21:25.607 --> 00:21:28.678
"Okay I only got one of this
for doing this this way,

00:21:28.678 --> 00:21:30.662
and that was not the correct way.

00:21:30.662 --> 00:21:32.051
But if I do it again

00:21:32.051 --> 00:21:33.249
and do it this way,

00:21:33.249 --> 00:21:34.566
I'd get a whole bunch of rewards or

00:21:34.566 --> 00:21:36.219
I get treated a certain way."

00:21:36.219 --> 00:21:39.933
And if it's done to that proportion,

00:21:39.933 --> 00:21:42.282
you'll see that they understand it.

00:21:42.282 --> 00:21:44.652
And they'll start doing
things the correct way

00:21:44.652 --> 00:21:46.467
without you punishing them.

00:21:46.467 --> 00:21:48.898
- My eight-year-old can know right away

00:21:48.898 --> 00:21:50.199
what he's done is wrong

00:21:50.199 --> 00:21:51.745
and whether it's a time out

00:21:51.745 --> 00:21:55.082
or whatever that discipline factor may be.

00:21:55.082 --> 00:22:00.082
Knows why he's being disciplined.

00:22:00.181 --> 00:22:02.901
My autistic child,
however, at times I think

00:22:02.901 --> 00:22:07.028
knows why he's being disciplined
whether it be a time out.

00:22:07.028 --> 00:22:08.362
Again whatever it may be,

00:22:08.362 --> 00:22:12.830
but at times I do feel that
there are times when his actions

00:22:14.650 --> 00:22:17.216
may warrant a little bit
more verbal communication

00:22:17.216 --> 00:22:19.018
from his mother and I.

00:22:19.018 --> 00:22:22.030
This is why we don't do this,

00:22:22.030 --> 00:22:25.811
or this is why don't put
our Kindle in the bathtub.

00:22:25.811 --> 00:22:27.723
- The traditional way of
telling your kids not to do

00:22:27.723 --> 00:22:31.254
something doesn't really
work with our kids.

00:22:31.254 --> 00:22:33.534
If Henry is doing something that

00:22:33.534 --> 00:22:35.239
he's not supposed to be doing,

00:22:35.239 --> 00:22:38.953
we have to praise him when
he's not doing it instead

00:22:38.953 --> 00:22:42.836
of reprimanding him for doing it.

00:22:42.836 --> 00:22:45.599
When Benjamin, for instance,
is having a temper tantrum,

00:22:45.599 --> 00:22:49.928
I think the best thing
that we've been doing

00:22:49.928 --> 00:22:52.104
is just kind of ignoring
his temper tantrum

00:22:52.104 --> 00:22:54.908
and not giving him any attention because

00:22:54.908 --> 00:22:57.278
I think he just learns
through giving him attention

00:22:57.278 --> 00:22:59.960
when he's having a temper tantrum.

00:22:59.960 --> 00:23:02.328
He's just gonna know that
the way to get things

00:23:02.328 --> 00:23:04.076
is through screaming and yelling.

00:23:04.076 --> 00:23:06.305
- Behavior management is an excellent way

00:23:06.305 --> 00:23:08.117
to deal with the children.

00:23:08.117 --> 00:23:11.575
It really is getting to know
the person as very simply

00:23:11.575 --> 00:23:13.909
what many parents around
the world have known

00:23:13.909 --> 00:23:16.875
since the beginning of time I guess,

00:23:16.875 --> 00:23:20.000
is that if you treat somebody
as you want to be treated,

00:23:20.000 --> 00:23:22.880
or nearly you're gonna
make much more progress

00:23:22.880 --> 00:23:25.205
with whatever you're trying to do

00:23:25.205 --> 00:23:27.296
than if you yell at
him and scream at them,

00:23:29.006 --> 00:23:31.770
spank them, punish them,
lock them in a room,

00:23:31.770 --> 00:23:33.551
than you would if you just sit down

00:23:33.551 --> 00:23:35.595
and talk to them quietly
with a quiet voice.

00:23:35.595 --> 00:23:40.491
- A situation could be where
he may have hit his brother.

00:23:40.491 --> 00:23:42.325
So we get the story
from both kids just like

00:23:42.325 --> 00:23:44.310
we would do a typical child

00:23:44.310 --> 00:23:45.525
and we would make the decision on

00:23:45.525 --> 00:23:47.925
how to go about punishment.

00:23:47.925 --> 00:23:52.682
Whether it's no television or
no pizza this Friday because

00:23:52.682 --> 00:23:54.123
of your behavior.

00:23:54.123 --> 00:23:56.566
So it just takes time.

00:23:56.566 --> 00:23:58.794
It's just like any other kid really.

00:23:58.794 --> 00:24:00.692
You have to understand that kid

00:24:00.692 --> 00:24:05.140
and discipline them based
on those specific behaviors

00:24:05.140 --> 00:24:10.079
and the attitude or
feelings of that child.

00:24:18.029 --> 00:24:20.832
- Marriage and autism is a unique topic.

00:24:20.832 --> 00:24:23.411
They don't have formal stats on that,

00:24:23.411 --> 00:24:26.847
but it's thought to be around
less than 10