WEBVTT

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[sil.]

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I don’t know that maybe the best way is that I take it that everybody
has had some running with their parents at one time or another,

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you know, over some kind of problems.
You know, I was wondering

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if anybody, you know, has any idea

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how to start it, you know, starting to say.

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Like they said, it’s the biggest gap
in generations is this generation

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so far, between the teenager and the
parent, simply because, 20 years ago,

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this stuff that we do
now, this did not exist.

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For them, it was not anything like this. They say, “While we were kids (inaudible)
school.” But when they were kids, it was an entirely different thing.

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So (inaudible) look back on their childhood
and their teenage adolescence and say,

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“Well, this is the way we had it, and I did things
wrong then, so I’m gonna try and raise you,

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so don’t make the same mistakes.” But the mistakes
we’re gonna make now are completely different realm.

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I mean, the society is this today, and the things that society
offers are completely different than they offered before.

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I think a big difference is, it
is the big thing on raising kids

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and the problems gets out with their parents
is just the difference in the society.

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Things are different now. And the parents don’t wanna grasp it.
They seem like they just don’t wanna accept this difference,

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because I think this difference makes them
feel older than they are. I really do.

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I think, they just don’t wanna accept the difference. But
what do you do… What kind of relationship do you have,

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you know, that maybe I can do with my parents, because they just don’t
seem to wanna grasp my ideas or even help me (inaudible) try to understand

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what I’m doing. I got one. Great!

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An idea. Now, I really don’t like my parents for
some reason or other, people say I’m neurotic.

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I’ve had fights with my father. But he’s in favor
of open housing, because (inaudible) or something.

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And he’s in favor of the war in Vietnam.
And I told him yesterday or something that

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next resistance (inaudible) go
down (inaudible) any (inaudible)

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I don’t care, everybody has a constitutional
right to make an ass of themselves.

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But, you know, like that, he’s not gonna stab me
anyhow so, that’s something you can face up to.

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And I used to wanna be a hippy, you know
that. I thought that will be a cool thing.

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Hippies are something out of this world. I mean,
this is a Mars invasion for them, the hippies.

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These guys, stay that, you know, these kids are from
nice homes with nice parents. They don’t believe it.

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They believe that these hippies just sprouted out of the ground and say,
ah, you know, when they built this (inaudible) out of dust, you know.

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And they just don’t seem to accept. And they
put down things that they don’t accept.

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And they expect you to do the same thing. Maybe you try to
explain it to them. (inaudible) fights on civil rights,

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you don’t win an argument. It’s impossible. And
if you try to win it, you’re gonna kill yourself.

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It’s like embarrassing to have somebody,
you know, 20 years younger, then you win.

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And, to me, this means
that age has just become

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authority and knowledge and wisdom,

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and then this lot of door crap as far as I’m concerned.
Because he can say some completely ridiculous things and yet,

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because he’s older they’re true, and
this doesn’t make any sense to me.

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We had this one kid at school. His dad… He’s
funny in the sense that… He’s a real nice guy.

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But every time like we’d go to a restaurant in the
morning before school and legally smoke a cigarette.

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And the first thing he’ll start
talking about is his dad.

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And he has the greatest respect for his
dad. And he will never say ‘no’ to his dad.

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He will accept with a doubt anything his father
tells him. His dad is a petroleum chemist,

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been all over the world, you know,
Arabia, Europe, the whole bit. You know,

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they’ve moved 17 million different times and 17 million
different years, and all this stuff. And, you know,

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he just will not say ‘no’ to his dad. He has to babysit every week in on
Saturdays, because his father goes out, and his father won’t get a babysitter,

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because he figured that he can
handle the situation at home.

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His dad sits down. He has talks with him every night about
what he should do at school, what he should do in school,

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what he should go into in college. What
he thinks his best capabilities are.

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So now, he wants to go into law, because his dad says he’d
make a good lawyer. Well, I told him one day, you know,

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you’re gonna grow up to be a
very, very good to your father.

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The thing is, you know, I feel that, you know, adults,
we’ve got… I said, we’ve gotta lot of things on our own,

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but we have to realize that they probably do have more
experience (inaudible). We should listen to them.

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Let me say two things. Go ahead, man!

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Thank you, Jay. It seems that
from what Mike said, he said,

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okay, so you are at a certain
age, which is probably

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your age is less than that
of your parents. So… No,

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statistically… statistically,

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it would seem that your parents would have had more
experience than you did or than we did or something.

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And so therefore, you sort
of imply that they know more

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and you sort of put yourself down,

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I think, in a way, because you didn’t wanna make the jump
and sort of assert yourself in front of your parents,

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because, you know, like well, I’m a little
too young, you know. I may want this,

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but I am kind of dumb and stupid and
(inaudible) fighting the world. So, you know,

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I’ll take what you say into consideration much more than what
I think, you know. That’s what I learned from you anyway.

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And I think what the problem here is that,

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parents don’t wanna give you
the chance to make a mistake.

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You know, they’re so intent on seeing

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all the good things happen to you. You know,
that you’ll have a nice wife and family,

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you’ll have a nice child and nice money. And
not just, you know, the material stuff,

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but that you will have a happy type of life and you will be doing
what you want. But they’re really afraid to see you make a mistake.

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You know, I didn’t mean that the parents,

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they’re always… always just trying to offer some possible reason why
we shouldn’t say that our parents were always wrong, because I mean…

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(inaudible). (inaudible)
like… Oh, I’m sorry.

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I don’t think we’re saying that our parents were always wrong, it’s
just that like, you know, they would belt with their statement and

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I really can’t see myself saying,
you know, yeah, because…

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Well, (inaudible) there’s no one who… (inaudible)
more trouble than I do. I mean, you know, (inaudible)

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any adult, I give all adults trouble, because, you
know, when they say something, I’ll say, why?

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And I’ll… If they want me to do something, you better give me an explanation
or I probably won’t do it. Because it seems to me like, the thing…

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when you were a little kid, your parents are controlling your environment,
they’re controlling which… what do you do, homework and that. Now,

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when you’re an adult, then it’s
your responsibility. And I think,

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it’s so hard to be an adult, because we’re in the
stage of when we’ll sometimes we act like kids,

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we act even more like kids, little kids, as well as we act
like an adult, it’s like we come out with all these, you know,

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you act fantastically mature every
once in a while, every boy, far apart.

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I think a lot of times they’ll say, you
know, you wanna do something really bad,

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like you wanna go out and you
wanna buy this stupid thing,

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let’s say, you wanna buy this ‘52 Chevy or
something, you’ll go right to the parents.

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Well, I think if you say something like that, you are
no adult by any stretch of the imagination. You know,

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you’re like a little kid who cut his finger, you know,
bandaged it up and, you know, stuff like that. Well, no…

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That’s… Yeah. (inaudible)
poor example. But…

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I’m sorry, good.

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I really think though that even if the parents let you do
things, you know, they say, “sure, go ahead”, you know. Yeah.

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“Buy that ‘52 Chevy. I don’t
care.” It’s cutting my heart out,

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“Go ahead, buy that ‘52 Chevy.” And
then, and so you buy a bomb, you know,

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you paid $5 for it, and you kill 38 people
with it and just fall apart. And they say,

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“See, I told you so, I told you so.”
They’ll come right up to, you know. Oh!

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And it always like, it’s the attitude that bothers me. It’s not so
much what they do, but it’s the attitude that they present to you.

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It’s… Yeah, you’re doing what, you know you
wanna do. But we really know what’s best.

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And every time you sort of deviate from what we
think, we know you’re gonna blow it. And so,

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if you blow it, you know, it’s like, “We told you
so. And you’re still a little kid”, you know.

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I mean, you think most parents (inaudible). I don’t think so, then
there’re lousy parents. Okay. And there’re instance anyway. Okay.

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But most parents are… They’ll
damn you when it’s time.

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You know, they’ll say, no, you know, but that’s
just one final ‘no’ under no circumstances.

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Do they have the right to say, Steve, you can’t marry
her, it’s not socially acceptable, it’s not good for you?

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Do they have the right to come and hurt me,
because it would me, from them to tell me that

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they don’t think marriage to a
colored person socially acceptable?

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Do they have the right to say something like that to me?
Are they just doing because they don’t like colored people

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and they don’t think it’s socially acceptable?
Do they have the right to do that?

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I think they have the right to do that, because, as a
parent, I (inaudible) can’t imagine yourself as a parent.

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Ho…ho…ho… And… Yeah, I know.

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If I was a father, you know, and I had this
kid, you know, I’d call him a kid, and… A kid?

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Yeah, a kid. And like he was
doing something that I didn’t

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particularly happen to, I would certainly tell him, because, I
mean, this is what I think. And I think he has a right to know,

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even if it does hurt him,
because like, you know,

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being a parent or the relationship between
parents and their children are, you know,

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it isn’t just a bed of roses where everybody, you know,
they all say, “Yeah, yeah, you’re doing real good now.

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” You know, it’s like
Father Sheridan at Quigley.

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Like week you went to him for confession, and no matter what you did then
he says, “Well, you had a very good week. And you’re doing real well now.

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So what are you gonna do for the next week?” And
you’re gonna give him chocolate milk, right, you know.

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Yeah, sure. But I think (inaudible) right to
tell you, you know, that they think it’s stinks.

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You know, basically here’s my,
let’s say, here’s my kid and

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he’s growing up, and he just did
a good thing. Like you know…

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Well, maybe… I don’t know how to describe
it. But let’s say maybe the kid goes out

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and… say, my kid today, he just went
out and he went to a hospital and

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he was nice to people and I’m proud
of him, because he acted good.

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Any maybe, you know, maybe the kid is a success.
You know, the kid, Mickie gets good marks.

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What if the kid isn’t? Do the parents
brag about him? Very rarely true.

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They may not brag about him, but I think
they’ll try to build the kid’s ego up anyway.

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Yeah. I can see how they build your ego up. In my case,
my father will say, “Well, look at your cousin, $23,000

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a year he makes”, and stuff like this. “We’re driving the old ‘59 Pontiac
around.” I said, “I wanna be a history teacher.” “You wanna what?

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You’ll make less than I’ll make.” And I said, “I don’t particularly
care how much I am going to make. It’s what I wanna do.”

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And I just can’t seem to win. He says,
“You’re gonna make a fool of yourself.

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You’ll be sorry for the rest of your life. You’ll never have
the good things in life, because you became a teacher.”

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Even though you accept all the teachings your parents
give you, you’re never going to mature. You might mature,

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because your dad’s a matured person, you’d think. But you’re
gonna become and mature your father, not to mature yourself.

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And I think the time when maturity
comes, when a kid can say ‘no’,

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and have reasons for saying ‘no’, and stick by them. I think this is when he’s
become mature. I think this is when he’s beginning to see what adulthood is,

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making your own decisions and
having reasons for them.

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And there’ll be a lot of people lead you around by the nose,
saying what you are, and saying what your capabilities are.

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I think it’s when you can say what your own
capabilities are that you’re an adult.

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But what you do, you know, when your parents
are close to you, you know, you’re comfortable

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staying with the problem and, you know, they’ll listen
to you and they’ll be (inaudible) talk and everything.

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And, you know, well and good it could
be going in one ear and out the other.

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And… But, you know, as soon as, you know, you’re
trying to get a point across, they’ll come back

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with something… with their old opinion, which they
don’t wanna change. You know, what do you do then?

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There is some kind of way… There is some kind of thing
that you have to do to make this communication.

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You know, it might not have been
there for 18 years, 19 years.

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It wasn’t for me until this summer at all.
And I did my own sort of thing that worked.

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And now there’s communication then.

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Each one of us has a different type of relationship with our parents in
a different type of background. You have to do your own sort of thing,

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if you wanna call it a thing, and
somehow communicate with them.

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Mine was by sort of a, what you wanna
call it, a violent thing, that I did.

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And it worked. And for some other people it might
be, you know, some (inaudible) mild or (inaudible)…

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But what do you communicate? That’s what I want
to know is, what do you tell them? I mean,

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so, okay, communication is fine
and you have to find out how to

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sort of make this communication arise between
you and your parents. But what do you…

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What do you communicate? Because like Tom was telling me at the time of
meeting, all the time, every time I go home, you know, both (inaudible).

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But it’s like,

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I called home once to get the car,
you know. This is I think typical.

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You know, seriously. But like, you say, “Can
I have the car like for next Wednesday,

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you know, between 5 and 12?” And
they say, “Okay.” And then,

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you know, there’s this really
sickening silence on the line.

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And they started talking well embarrassed and pretty good today. And, man,
this phone booth is really something else, you know, you come out and see it.

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And that’s about as far as
much as you communicate,

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you know, and you can tell them all about
school, and all about the things that you do,

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you know, and all the people you know.
But somehow, that isn’t (inaudible)

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that’s like, you know, I can tell you the color of my shoes. It’s as much your fault
as it is theirs, because… Oh yeah. But, I mean, what do you communicate? What…

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What you have to tell them that you’re holding
back. And what do they have to ask you…

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I’m not holding back anything. I
just don’t have anything to say.

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Well, that’d be true with any human being. Not what
do, anybody can do that. You get a (inaudible),

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you know, what he’s been doing, but it takes
a human being to communicate how he feels.

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And then that’s what isn’t there
between parents and children.

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If you can’t communicate with them about everything,
in some way or another, even if you just say,

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I don’t understand what you’re doing, or you
don’t understand what I’m doing, but at least

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that there is this communication and an honesty,
then I can’t see were there’d be so much problem.

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If you wanna be an adult,
maybe then it’s up to you

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if your parents aren’t mature enough to open
them up, you try and open them up yourself.

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Yeah. But if you try it and that doesn’t work? Well, yeah. I think we should get
back to what Danny says, like everybody’s got his own thing to do. Well, yeah.

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You know. And it’s like,
Danny did something and

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I guess I had to do something, and also I don’t
know if I’m gonna, or I don’t know if I want to.

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And that phone call, when you call home, you have
to, you know, they want to know what you’re doing.

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So yet, it might be tell them what you’re
doing and how your views are on life now

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and how you’ve been changed and how you’re growing
up. Well, they don’t want my views are lined.

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But do they really Rob? But do they know your views on yourself? Did
they know who you are? I mean, you see, you wanna tell your parents,

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as far as, as most parents, well, it’s just a kid, they don’t
know how do you think or how he feels about different things,

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how he feels about himself
or his friends, you know.

00:16:45.000 --> 00:16:49.999
If you’ve to go to the parents, you have to be open with them,
you have to give off yourself to them, you have to go and say,

00:16:50.000 --> 00:16:54.999
you know, and just sit down and talk about life maybe just
talk to them together about how the house is holding up or

00:16:55.000 --> 00:16:59.999
how the car is. You know, it’s
from small things like that though

00:17:00.000 --> 00:17:04.999
where you’ll get to the big things, I think. You
know, I’m serious. Why do you want to them?

00:17:05.000 --> 00:17:09.999
Because… What you mean, what do you want? Because they’re people. Stop treating this (inaudible). Well,
then you have to treat everybody on the same level. Then you’d have to talk to everybody how you feel.

00:17:10.000 --> 00:17:14.999
But when you get to this age,
you have to realize that

00:17:15.000 --> 00:17:19.999
you don’t chop the parents, you know. You don’t have
to get they should do that. You have to realize that

00:17:20.000 --> 00:17:24.999
these are two people you’ve been living up all your lives.
Aren’t just parents, they’re two people with their own faults

00:17:25.000 --> 00:17:33.000
and their own wishes too? You know, we always… we are worse thinking
of our parents in terms of ourselves, because we’re so damn selfish.

00:17:35.000 --> 00:17:39.999
Fine. We should remember respect to our parents and all this.
But why do we have to go out of our way to be open with them,

00:17:40.000 --> 00:17:44.999
if we really don’t want to? Now, if you wanna be
open with your parents, if you have a problem, fine.

00:17:45.000 --> 00:17:49.999
But if they’re not too enthused about being super-open with
you, and you’re not, you don’t care that much, then why?

00:17:50.000 --> 00:17:54.999
They’ll not be open with anybody, Jack. There’s just no reason, you know… Because you do
need some people and yet your parents, you can’t (inaudible) rest of your life anyway.

00:17:55.000 --> 00:17:59.999
Well, you do it because you need it.
Because, it seems to me like,

00:18:00.000 --> 00:18:04.999
two people that everybody ought to try to help to
make their lives happy, is their parents. Why?

00:18:05.000 --> 00:18:09.999
Because they owe them something.
If not his parents as people

00:18:10.000 --> 00:18:14.999
is maybe people who could take advantage of this grade, book-learning…
Can’t you pay them back in other ways besides being all this…?

00:18:15.000 --> 00:18:19.999
I don’t think we owe our parents anything.
I really don’t. Because…

00:18:20.000 --> 00:18:24.999
No, we don’t. Because the whole thing, you know, why was I created? You
know, and every kid, you know, how was I born under a (inaudible)?

00:18:25.000 --> 00:18:29.999
But the thing is that,
you know, they had me

00:18:30.000 --> 00:18:34.999
and I was a gift. You know, this
was their gift to each other.

00:18:35.000 --> 00:18:39.999
And it was a gift of life to me. And a gift
does not imply any sort of obligation at all.

00:18:40.000 --> 00:18:44.999
And this is what really bugs me, it’s like, I
owe my parents something and you really don’t.

00:18:45.000 --> 00:18:49.999
No, you don’t have to give
back to your parents.

00:18:50.000 --> 00:18:54.999
There’s no legal obligation there. I mean, they were
legally responsible for you and everything they you,

00:18:55.000 --> 00:18:59.999
one way or another, they had to. But
to be any kind of a person at all,

00:19:00.000 --> 00:19:04.999
then you have to return to your parents. Yeah.
(inaudible). I mean, you know… Yeah, if you want to. Yeah.

00:19:05.000 --> 00:19:09.999
You don’t do things because of
blind obedience or out of fear

00:19:10.000 --> 00:19:14.999
is silly. You have to do things out of love
or it loses the entire beauty and meaning,

00:19:15.000 --> 00:19:19.999
really.

00:19:20.000 --> 00:19:26.480
Does anybody have anything left then we’ll close the meeting now? Do you wanna
continue this next week or shall we wanna try something else? Okay, something else.