00:00:01.133 --> 00:00:03.716
(gentle music )

00:00:17.552 --> 00:00:20.969
(gentle music continues)

00:00:27.592 --> 00:00:30.342
(birds chirping)

00:00:37.890 --> 00:00:39.750
- [Participant] It is through imagining

00:00:39.750 --> 00:00:41.777
that we can begin to change.

00:00:41.777 --> 00:00:43.927
(gentle music)

00:00:43.927 --> 00:00:46.485
(Various women speakers follow)

00:00:49.580 --> 00:00:51.930
(Participant) It's not
necessarily about the future,

00:00:51.930 --> 00:00:54.171
and it's not necessarily about the past,

00:00:54.171 --> 00:00:58.530
it's about another state of being.

00:00:58.530 --> 00:01:01.410
It's about the invisible.

00:01:01.410 --> 00:01:05.561
All that is not informed
represents the dreamtime.

00:01:05.561 --> 00:01:08.144
(gentle music)

00:01:10.590 --> 00:01:13.378
For example, you probably
know that the Aborigines

00:01:13.378 --> 00:01:18.378
have songs and those songs keep them

00:01:18.930 --> 00:01:22.650
moving towards a certain destination.

00:01:22.650 --> 00:01:24.480
Not everyone has the same songs.

00:01:24.480 --> 00:01:26.872
Different tribes have different songs,

00:01:26.872 --> 00:01:30.274
but they all interconnect with each other.

00:01:30.274 --> 00:01:34.650
(bird cawing)
(gentle music)

00:01:34.650 --> 00:01:37.179
It's a different place of consciousness.

00:01:37.179 --> 00:01:39.762
(gentle dramatic  music)

00:01:42.210 --> 00:01:45.747
The dreamtime is about
that which is invisible

00:01:45.747 --> 00:01:49.563
and waiting to be
revealed or brought forth.

00:01:51.600 --> 00:01:53.160
When we go into ritual,

00:01:53.160 --> 00:01:57.570
in those moments, we know
it is all fully present

00:01:57.570 --> 00:01:59.340
within our own being.

00:01:59.340 --> 00:02:03.684
So it's about revealing it
and then bringing it forth.

00:02:03.684 --> 00:02:06.851
(slow dramatic music)

00:02:17.797 --> 00:02:22.176
(birds chirping) - (Participant) The
language of my people is a language

00:02:23.208 --> 00:02:24.535
like a river...

00:02:24.535 --> 00:02:26.970
Always moving, changing

00:02:26.970 --> 00:02:28.203
Everything connected.

00:02:29.910 --> 00:02:32.670
The same is true for a woman's blood.

00:02:32.670 --> 00:02:34.770
Every bloodtime is different,

00:02:34.770 --> 00:02:38.340
a new healing, learning in a woman's life.

00:02:38.340 --> 00:02:40.590
But truly, you have all the teachings

00:02:40.590 --> 00:02:42.363
you will ever need in your blood.

00:02:47.520 --> 00:02:50.730
Every blood time has its own grandmother,

00:02:50.730 --> 00:02:53.460
not all grandmothers we can see.

00:02:53.460 --> 00:02:56.130
But if a woman sits quiet with herself

00:02:56.130 --> 00:03:00.600
and asks to know, the
medicine of that bloodtime

00:03:00.600 --> 00:03:02.640
will be revealed to her.

00:03:02.640 --> 00:03:05.430
And as she bleeds through
the seasons of her life,

00:03:05.430 --> 00:03:09.660
she will grow wise because she
will know what it feels like

00:03:09.660 --> 00:03:11.616
to be woman standing on the earth

00:03:11.616 --> 00:03:16.616
and woman planting seeds and
woman reaching up to the sun.

00:03:16.763 --> 00:03:20.040
And when the last of her moons has passed,

00:03:20.040 --> 00:03:22.500
she will be a grandmother in the world,

00:03:22.500 --> 00:03:24.030
who can teach the daughters

00:03:24.030 --> 00:03:27.873
that their blood is not
one thing, but many things.

00:03:32.850 --> 00:03:35.100
- [Participant] The blood
follows us throughout the journey

00:03:35.100 --> 00:03:39.753
of our life, whether it's
with us or no longer there.

00:03:42.600 --> 00:03:45.570
- Bloodtime, moontime, dreamtime,

00:03:45.570 --> 00:03:47.580
and the woman's journey it's something

00:03:47.580 --> 00:03:50.010
I care about passionately,

00:03:50.010 --> 00:03:53.460
not only as a woman but
also for my culture.

00:03:53.460 --> 00:03:54.930
I have a counseling practice

00:03:54.930 --> 00:03:58.080
and I work with a lot
of women in particular,

00:03:58.080 --> 00:04:03.080
helping them through the
landmark times of womanhood.

00:04:03.719 --> 00:04:06.900
(haunting music, drums beaing)

00:04:06.900 --> 00:04:11.900
- Every rite of passage in our
life is connected to blood.

00:04:12.060 --> 00:04:15.570
- Our mysteries are five blood mysteries.

00:04:15.570 --> 00:04:18.945
We actually acknowledge
that there is a birth,

00:04:18.945 --> 00:04:21.121
which is your own birth.

00:04:21.121 --> 00:04:23.700
(foreboding music)

00:04:23.700 --> 00:04:28.700
- We enter the world coated in
blood, but it is moon blood.

00:04:29.480 --> 00:04:33.570
It is the woman's blood
that coats the baby.

00:04:35.580 --> 00:04:37.950
- The menarche, which is when a young girl

00:04:37.950 --> 00:04:38.943
begins to bleed.

00:04:39.840 --> 00:04:43.830
There's mothering when
you birth your own child,

00:04:43.830 --> 00:04:48.830
and that time may also be not
just in creating children,

00:04:49.440 --> 00:04:53.040
but this fertile time of
being the mother maker

00:04:53.040 --> 00:04:55.230
of all of your visions and dreams

00:04:55.230 --> 00:04:57.543
as a child coming to fruition.

00:05:00.300 --> 00:05:04.140
The next blood mystery is menopause.

00:05:04.140 --> 00:05:05.940
The threshold that we cross

00:05:05.940 --> 00:05:08.220
when we begin to hold our own blood

00:05:08.220 --> 00:05:10.830
and we become what's
considered a young Crone,

00:05:10.830 --> 00:05:13.920
we begin to wisen and
deepen as we hold the blood.

00:05:13.920 --> 00:05:16.773
That is the wisdom of life itself.

00:05:17.730 --> 00:05:21.270
- [Participant] And instead of
wasting away the great magic

00:05:21.270 --> 00:05:24.780
of her blood, she holds
it and becomes wise,

00:05:24.780 --> 00:05:26.613
a wise woman and a leader.

00:05:28.260 --> 00:05:29.973
- [Participnt] And then comes death.

00:05:31.500 --> 00:05:34.920
- [Participant] And then death
very often involves blood

00:05:34.920 --> 00:05:39.920
and if not blood, it involves the heart,

00:05:40.020 --> 00:05:43.023
the great blood muscle, stopping.

00:05:44.190 --> 00:05:46.890
- [Paticipant] The
ultimate transformation,

00:05:46.890 --> 00:05:51.270
which brings us back into
the cycle of death to birth,

00:05:51.270 --> 00:05:53.139
from womb to tomb.

00:05:53.139 --> 00:05:56.700
- (Participant)You know,
there were three phases

00:05:56.700 --> 00:05:58.350
of the sacred feminine.

00:05:58.350 --> 00:06:02.460
The virgin, the mother, and
the Crone and Christianity

00:06:02.460 --> 00:06:04.380
was able to absorb the first two,

00:06:04.380 --> 00:06:06.780
like the Virgin Mary and work with it.

00:06:06.780 --> 00:06:09.420
But the Crone was so
threatening because the Crone

00:06:09.420 --> 00:06:11.070
represented really the crown.

00:06:11.070 --> 00:06:12.630
She was the crowning power,

00:06:12.630 --> 00:06:14.730
and in that she was an authority threat.

00:06:14.730 --> 00:06:17.280
Plus, she's also so much of a death figure

00:06:17.280 --> 00:06:20.523
and our culture is not really
able to deal with death.

00:06:21.600 --> 00:06:24.600
And she is the destroyer
goddess and the birth goddess.

00:06:24.600 --> 00:06:26.760
So she's all these things in one.

00:06:26.760 --> 00:06:29.640
- Then I realized that it's
not just birth tied to death.

00:06:29.640 --> 00:06:31.230
There is that passage through

00:06:31.230 --> 00:06:33.810
that wound that is part of life.

00:06:33.810 --> 00:06:36.783
So I had birth and a wound and death,

00:06:37.620 --> 00:06:39.776
endless birth and beautiful wounds

00:06:39.776 --> 00:06:43.380
had to do with experiencing pain

00:06:43.380 --> 00:06:46.623
and then pushing forth
for change in your life.

00:06:47.880 --> 00:06:49.500
We never really die.

00:06:49.500 --> 00:06:52.830
We sort of cycle through
an endless beginning.

00:06:52.830 --> 00:06:55.781
And even the things that
we find to be the end

00:06:55.781 --> 00:06:58.470
are often new beginnings.

00:06:58.470 --> 00:07:02.610
Life really turns out to be
a series of endless births

00:07:02.610 --> 00:07:06.179
with the beautiful wounds
pushing us to new levels.

00:07:06.179 --> 00:07:08.846
(gentle music)

00:07:11.970 --> 00:07:15.540
- (Participant) I have found
intention to be the most

00:07:16.732 --> 00:07:21.732
powerful tool in my toolbox
of life,...to set an intention

00:07:21.732 --> 00:07:24.270
to plant the seeds,

00:07:24.270 --> 00:07:27.513
to blossom into the fruition of dreams.

00:07:28.710 --> 00:07:33.710
As a young woman, I floundered
...so many paths I could take.

00:07:35.130 --> 00:07:37.140
Which would I choose?

00:07:37.140 --> 00:07:40.113
Which one would not be a mistake?

00:07:41.340 --> 00:07:45.423
I've learned over time
it was not the path,

00:07:46.320 --> 00:07:50.493
but the intention that
held my dreams intact.

00:07:52.783 --> 00:07:56.033
(Participant chanting)

00:07:59.130 --> 00:08:03.714
- Ritual captures for us what
it is that we want to exist.

00:08:03.714 --> 00:08:06.903
Ritual is synonymous with intention.

00:08:08.190 --> 00:08:11.940
- To look at our inner life,
to look at our metaphoric life,

00:08:11.940 --> 00:08:15.243
to look at our soul images, if you will.

00:08:16.290 --> 00:08:20.910
We need ritual in order to be in contact

00:08:20.910 --> 00:08:22.590
with the meaning of our lives.

00:08:22.590 --> 00:08:24.630
That I think is the purpose of ritual.

00:08:24.630 --> 00:08:29.220
And what I saw was people
creating various versions

00:08:29.220 --> 00:08:33.160
of rituals, some borrowed,
some completely improvised

00:08:34.170 --> 00:08:35.910
that have meaning to,

00:08:35.910 --> 00:08:37.520
that have meaning to them.

00:08:37.520 --> 00:08:40.260
(participant laughing)

00:08:40.260 --> 00:08:43.380
Ritual space does allow
people to have a heightened

00:08:43.380 --> 00:08:45.125
awareness of their own experience,

00:08:45.125 --> 00:08:48.931
because they're activating all the senses

00:08:48.931 --> 00:08:51.960
and each sense has its own form

00:08:51.960 --> 00:08:53.850
of intelligence and language.

00:08:53.850 --> 00:08:58.850
So when we're involved with
things that heighten our senses,

00:08:58.920 --> 00:09:01.310
we're going to have an extraordinary,

00:09:01.310 --> 00:09:04.233
a non-ordinary experience.

00:09:05.100 --> 00:09:07.830
And this is why we, as I like to say,

00:09:07.830 --> 00:09:09.450
go through the burning door.

00:09:09.450 --> 00:09:12.690
Why we enter that ritual space is to have

00:09:12.690 --> 00:09:15.900
some kind of a change of
ordinary consciousness.

00:09:15.900 --> 00:09:18.810
You see yourself in
relationship to metaphors

00:09:18.810 --> 00:09:21.546
and images that are extraordinary.

00:09:21.546 --> 00:09:24.030
(gong sounding)

00:09:24.030 --> 00:09:26.613
- This is kind of a self-made practice.

00:09:27.900 --> 00:09:30.466
I start with a little breathing exercise,

00:09:30.466 --> 00:09:33.453
express gratitude for
having another day of life.

00:09:35.370 --> 00:09:38.280
And I ring the gong to
wake up the qi in the house

00:09:38.280 --> 00:09:40.860
and in my being and in
all my energy centers.

00:09:40.860 --> 00:09:43.590
And then I let incense
in front of Guan Yin

00:09:43.590 --> 00:09:46.323
to honor the female aspect of my life.

00:09:48.120 --> 00:09:52.290
I do a prayer or a mantra to
bless and protect the house

00:09:52.290 --> 00:09:54.660
and express gratitude for having the space

00:09:54.660 --> 00:09:58.320
for all living beings in the
space and outta the space.

00:09:58.320 --> 00:10:01.413
And thank the universe for that.

00:10:02.910 --> 00:10:04.380
After having been confronted

00:10:04.380 --> 00:10:07.830
with a life-threatening
disease and coming through it,

00:10:07.830 --> 00:10:12.830
every breath, every day,
every minute is precious

00:10:13.050 --> 00:10:15.300
and valued and celebrated.

00:10:15.300 --> 00:10:19.170
So yes, I thank the universe for my life,

00:10:19.170 --> 00:10:23.223
for this body, and all
life in the universe.

00:10:25.050 --> 00:10:26.910
- There's a sort of
mystery attached to ritual

00:10:26.910 --> 00:10:28.710
that I think is very precious.

00:10:28.710 --> 00:10:30.480
You never know what's gonna happen,

00:10:30.480 --> 00:10:32.670
even if you plan it out real perfectly,

00:10:32.670 --> 00:10:34.720
there's still some magic that can happen.

00:10:38.040 --> 00:10:41.460
- In writing out my life story,

00:10:41.460 --> 00:10:44.950
told someone for the first
time that I'd been raped at 13

00:10:46.440 --> 00:10:49.800
and my therapist suggested that I go home

00:10:49.800 --> 00:10:51.510
and make a little doll

00:10:51.510 --> 00:10:55.200
that represented me at that
time to give me a way to release

00:10:55.200 --> 00:10:58.671
the emotions and create
some ritual about healing

00:10:58.671 --> 00:11:01.590
and give this story somewhere to go.

00:11:01.590 --> 00:11:04.740
And what I found myself
doing was sewing by hand

00:11:04.740 --> 00:11:08.340
this tiny little creature
who's anatomically correct

00:11:08.340 --> 00:11:10.592
and reliving the experience

00:11:10.592 --> 00:11:13.260
and I bandaged up her ears

00:11:13.260 --> 00:11:15.090
from the things I'd heard.

00:11:15.090 --> 00:11:18.030
And I bandaged up her genitalia

00:11:18.030 --> 00:11:20.880
because it affected me as a sexual being,

00:11:20.880 --> 00:11:23.250
as a woman, the loss of innocence,

00:11:23.250 --> 00:11:25.920
my sense of responsibility,
and it's all my fault.

00:11:25.920 --> 00:11:27.870
I bandaged everything of her heart.

00:11:27.870 --> 00:11:31.743
Her heart had been broken,
all the ways it scarred me.

00:11:31.743 --> 00:11:34.726
(Gentle Music) I wrote a song
and I took her down to the ocean

00:11:35.803 --> 00:11:40.803
and I prayed over her and
unwrapped the bandages

00:11:41.062 --> 00:11:43.230
and I buried them in the sand.

00:11:43.230 --> 00:11:47.310
And it was the single most powerful

00:11:47.310 --> 00:11:50.763
healing experience of my life.

00:11:56.322 --> 00:12:00.655
(Comforting music)You know, I was
stitch by stitch telling this story,

00:12:03.630 --> 00:12:07.263
and having it come out differently for me.

00:12:09.240 --> 00:12:12.300
And then I made her this little dress,

00:12:12.300 --> 00:12:15.216
and this is her little
tool belt, you know,

00:12:15.216 --> 00:12:17.610
for getting on in the world.

00:12:17.610 --> 00:12:20.583
Her little wand, just symbols,

00:12:22.410 --> 00:12:24.834
you know, being a powerful woman.

00:12:24.834 --> 00:12:27.501
(gentle music continues)

00:12:35.700 --> 00:12:40.320
I began to study other
cultures, use of dolls,

00:12:40.320 --> 00:12:44.760
icons, fetishes, totems as
tools for transformation

00:12:44.760 --> 00:12:49.560
in ritual and myth and folklore,

00:12:49.560 --> 00:12:52.650
and came across the goddess.

00:12:52.650 --> 00:12:57.650
And that really opened the box
for me about what women are.

00:13:02.250 --> 00:13:04.650
And you know, I found those archetypes,

00:13:04.650 --> 00:13:09.650
that giant, giant bag of options for me.

00:13:10.950 --> 00:13:15.573
So I started making little
cloth creatures about them.

00:13:21.030 --> 00:13:22.691
That's how it started.

00:13:22.691 --> 00:13:25.358
(gentle music)

00:13:26.250 --> 00:13:28.170
- When I look at all
of the different things

00:13:28.170 --> 00:13:30.780
that we're doing, all the
rituals that are being created,

00:13:30.780 --> 00:13:34.410
all of the ways that we
are marking our transitions

00:13:34.410 --> 00:13:38.040
through life, I would
say that we are the key

00:13:38.040 --> 00:13:39.870
to our own creation.

00:13:39.870 --> 00:13:44.870
All the things that actually
make us feel whole in ourselves

00:13:44.968 --> 00:13:48.963
are things that we are willing to make up.

00:13:48.963 --> 00:13:50.850
(birds chirping)

00:13:50.850 --> 00:13:53.550
- And the development of
people making their own life

00:13:53.550 --> 00:13:57.780
transitions beautiful and public,

00:13:57.780 --> 00:14:02.760
and taking the time and
the care and the thought

00:14:02.760 --> 00:14:07.760
to make these transition
points more important.

00:14:07.920 --> 00:14:12.720
And they're imbuing them with
their own meaning and symbols

00:14:12.720 --> 00:14:15.540
and saying for themselves

00:14:15.540 --> 00:14:17.488
what the meaning and importance is.

00:14:17.488 --> 00:14:18.982
(gentle music)

00:14:18.982 --> 00:14:21.844
(birds chirping)

00:14:21.844 --> 00:14:25.511
(children faintly shouting)

00:14:29.141 --> 00:14:32.724
(gentle music continues)

00:14:37.650 --> 00:14:41.880
- What will happen is
Robin will move forward

00:14:41.880 --> 00:14:44.550
and she's going to be
lighting these candles.

00:14:44.550 --> 00:14:45.900
Just when you finish one breath,

00:14:45.900 --> 00:14:47.373
just continue with the sound.

00:14:48.210 --> 00:14:50.520
And we're putting our
intention into the candle

00:14:50.520 --> 00:14:54.180
for Robin and the baby that
she has a really beautiful,

00:14:54.180 --> 00:14:56.160
perfect labor, and birth.

00:14:56.160 --> 00:15:01.160
We call forth the energy of
the east place of illumination.

00:15:01.290 --> 00:15:04.800
Place of enlightenment,
it's a place of the eagle,

00:15:04.800 --> 00:15:08.430
and we call forth our
beloved earth mother.

00:15:08.430 --> 00:15:10.620
And we feel your crystalline heart beating

00:15:10.620 --> 00:15:12.270
within our own hearts,

00:15:12.270 --> 00:15:15.823
that we feel supported by you
as you support us in all ways.

00:15:15.823 --> 00:15:18.573
(group chanting)

00:15:27.527 --> 00:15:31.489
♪ Deepen your heart ♪

00:15:31.489 --> 00:15:36.101
♪ Lives a divine light ♪

00:15:36.101 --> 00:15:39.544
♪ I honor that light ♪

00:15:39.544 --> 00:15:41.961
♪ Within you ♪

00:15:43.180 --> 00:15:44.370
This is the way it's meant to be,

00:15:44.370 --> 00:15:48.270
women supporting the
mother, the pregnant mother,

00:15:48.270 --> 00:15:51.390
as she moves into her
birthing of her baby girl,

00:15:51.390 --> 00:15:52.652
her baby boy.

00:15:52.652 --> 00:15:55.410
(women singing)

00:15:55.410 --> 00:15:57.150
Standing for each other,

00:15:57.150 --> 00:15:59.190
remembering the mother mysteries,

00:15:59.190 --> 00:16:01.800
remembering the power of
what it means to be a woman.

00:16:01.800 --> 00:16:04.620
Supporting our sister as
she goes through the most

00:16:04.620 --> 00:16:09.093
magnificent act of
creation on this planet.

00:16:13.251 --> 00:16:14.640
You know, you feel our support.

00:16:14.640 --> 00:16:19.440
So as you enter into labor,
you trust your birthing body,

00:16:19.440 --> 00:16:21.930
you trust your laboring body.

00:16:21.930 --> 00:16:24.750
You trust the wisdom that this body knows

00:16:24.750 --> 00:16:26.763
how to birth your baby in a good way.

00:16:27.976 --> 00:16:30.143
♪ We will ♪

00:16:33.151 --> 00:16:36.115
- [Host] We will hold
our hands up like this.

00:16:36.115 --> 00:16:38.538
(gentle music with drum beat)

00:16:38.538 --> 00:16:42.371
(singing in foreign language)

00:16:56.837 --> 00:17:00.420
- One of the things of
interest to me is the notion

00:17:00.420 --> 00:17:04.352
of creating art or ritual in community.

00:17:04.352 --> 00:17:09.330
I think that in 21st century America,

00:17:09.330 --> 00:17:12.450
there has been a great
emphasis on our individuality

00:17:12.450 --> 00:17:16.083
and therefore a great need for community.

00:17:16.950 --> 00:17:21.300
So one of the values of working
in groups or communities

00:17:21.300 --> 00:17:23.763
is the notion of being
witnessed by someone.

00:17:24.600 --> 00:17:27.600
I like to say that a group
acts as an amplifier,

00:17:27.600 --> 00:17:32.100
it magnifies its effect on me.

00:17:32.100 --> 00:17:33.780
And then of course I have witnesses,

00:17:33.780 --> 00:17:35.370
who are seeing what I'm doing,

00:17:35.370 --> 00:17:38.540
which can be very, very positive.

00:17:38.540 --> 00:17:40.110
(women laughing)

00:17:40.110 --> 00:17:42.690
- Witness in and of itself is one of the

00:17:42.690 --> 00:17:46.980
biggest gifts that we give
to each other as women

00:17:46.980 --> 00:17:51.450
supporting women, birthing
women, birthing other women,

00:17:51.450 --> 00:17:54.060
birthing their ideas,
birthing their hopes,

00:17:54.060 --> 00:17:56.700
their dreams, their creativity,

00:17:56.700 --> 00:18:00.420
whether it's art on canvas
or art out in the world,

00:18:00.420 --> 00:18:02.613
living a life that works for them.

00:18:04.380 --> 00:18:09.330
The way that this piece
ended up asked for the title:

00:18:09.330 --> 00:18:12.483
From here, all the
Christs, all the Buddhas

00:18:12.483 --> 00:18:14.013
entered the world.

00:18:15.750 --> 00:18:19.620
I call my type of art, embody art.

00:18:19.620 --> 00:18:22.530
And by printing with my body,

00:18:22.530 --> 00:18:25.410
I actually am embodying the work

00:18:25.410 --> 00:18:27.930
and I am leaving the image behind

00:18:27.930 --> 00:18:29.760
after I do the printing.

00:18:29.760 --> 00:18:34.710
I started the process of
printing with my body by working

00:18:34.710 --> 00:18:39.270
with an expressive arts
modality called body writing.

00:18:39.270 --> 00:18:44.270
It's a very powerful weekend
process in which women

00:18:44.670 --> 00:18:49.670
form a sacred circle that
involves trust, journaling,

00:18:51.120 --> 00:18:52.863
a sense of safety.

00:18:54.390 --> 00:18:55.890
The biggest part of the process

00:18:55.890 --> 00:18:58.385
is actually printing with their bodies,

00:18:58.385 --> 00:19:03.385
leaving behind a map to any area of life

00:19:03.540 --> 00:19:06.420
that they're currently
bringing to the circle

00:19:06.420 --> 00:19:10.403
within the group of women for witness.

00:19:10.403 --> 00:19:13.927
Mysterious  music) And
throughout this process,

00:19:13.927 --> 00:19:16.550
over the years, I've discovered

00:19:16.550 --> 00:19:19.490
that have the most to reveal to me,

00:19:20.490 --> 00:19:23.460
and the ones that will
tell the biggest story

00:19:23.460 --> 00:19:27.930
and move me along the furthest
on my own personal journey,

00:19:27.930 --> 00:19:32.723
are the body prints that
have a deep story to tell.

00:19:32.723 --> 00:19:35.306
(gentle music)

00:19:41.190 --> 00:19:44.160
There is a lot of the
birthing process going on

00:19:44.160 --> 00:19:45.810
during that weekend.

00:19:45.810 --> 00:19:50.280
Women actually birth these images into

00:19:50.280 --> 00:19:52.863
what ends up as a piece of art.

00:19:54.810 --> 00:19:57.420
- To me, this piece speaks
about the stunning power

00:19:57.420 --> 00:20:01.020
of the feminine creative
principle and about the empowering

00:20:01.020 --> 00:20:03.390
that's really available
to women being connected

00:20:03.390 --> 00:20:07.830
to all living humans
through mitochondrial DNA

00:20:07.830 --> 00:20:09.690
passed down by the mother,

00:20:09.690 --> 00:20:12.263
through the mother line, through the egg.

00:20:12.263 --> 00:20:14.220
(gentle music)

00:20:14.220 --> 00:20:16.200
- And I think our imagination

00:20:16.200 --> 00:20:18.960
is a very underutilized resource.

00:20:18.960 --> 00:20:23.010
It is through imagining
that we can begin to change.

00:20:23.010 --> 00:20:25.950
We can imagine a new way of being.

00:20:25.950 --> 00:20:27.480
It is through imagination,

00:20:27.480 --> 00:20:29.746
I think, that we have the courage

00:20:29.746 --> 00:20:32.100
to move forward in our lives.

00:20:32.100 --> 00:20:34.740
One of the things that I strive
to do as an expressive arts

00:20:34.740 --> 00:20:39.740
therapist is have people
imagine the solution,

00:20:40.080 --> 00:20:44.490
and use art to help flesh
that out in a sensory way,

00:20:44.490 --> 00:20:48.147
so that we can imagine
ourselves moving through change

00:20:48.147 --> 00:20:52.170
and transition and using
really what we've always used.

00:20:52.170 --> 00:20:56.717
Ritual, the arts, these are powerful tools

00:20:56.717 --> 00:20:58.710
and connected to the imagination

00:20:58.710 --> 00:21:00.410
that's where they get their power.

00:21:03.008 --> 00:21:05.490
I'm the director of the
Expressive Arts Institute,

00:21:05.490 --> 00:21:06.840
San Diego.

00:21:06.840 --> 00:21:10.866
It's based on the premise
that art making is per se

00:21:10.866 --> 00:21:15.866
helpful activity for people
who are in transition

00:21:16.350 --> 00:21:20.161
to make change or manage
change in their lives.

00:21:20.161 --> 00:21:22.828
(gentle music)

00:21:23.790 --> 00:21:26.430
- [Participant] Once I was
captivated by this doll making

00:21:26.430 --> 00:21:30.690
process in that they could
hold my focus and the more

00:21:30.690 --> 00:21:34.023
they held my focus, the more
things changed inside of me.

00:21:34.023 --> 00:21:38.464
In Africa, they build little
dolls out of wood and sticks

00:21:38.464 --> 00:21:40.470
and they're little vessels.

00:21:40.470 --> 00:21:42.600
And when something traumatic happens,

00:21:42.600 --> 00:21:46.440
like the death of someone
or famine or a crop failure,

00:21:46.440 --> 00:21:50.040
they take those intense, painful emotions.

00:21:50.040 --> 00:21:52.680
They put them in the
vessel and they seal it up

00:21:52.680 --> 00:21:54.300
and they put it on a shelf,

00:21:54.300 --> 00:21:56.280
so that they can go
about the daily business

00:21:56.280 --> 00:21:59.070
that they have to attend to
and then they can come back

00:21:59.070 --> 00:22:00.240
and revisit it.

00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:04.770
They also use these vessels
to put positive intentions

00:22:04.770 --> 00:22:08.010
for that situation inside the vessel.

00:22:08.010 --> 00:22:10.690
And when they want that energy activated,

00:22:10.690 --> 00:22:13.945
they drive a nail in it,
break it, and release it.

00:22:15.300 --> 00:22:17.820
So I started looking
at my dolls as vessels,

00:22:17.820 --> 00:22:19.980
and I started to put things inside them,

00:22:19.980 --> 00:22:23.370
and I create little amulets
that may have physical symbols,

00:22:23.370 --> 00:22:27.573
charms, stones, herbs,
powders, whatever I want.

00:22:28.710 --> 00:22:29.880
They're buried in the bellies

00:22:29.880 --> 00:22:32.223
or in the chest, depending, you know,

00:22:34.320 --> 00:22:36.870
like the orange piece in
there that I'm working on.

00:22:38.250 --> 00:22:43.020
I have a list of intentions
I am concentrating on

00:22:43.020 --> 00:22:46.683
and focusing my thoughts and my energy.

00:22:48.090 --> 00:22:49.650
It's bead by bead.

00:22:49.650 --> 00:22:52.080
It's that magical art of sewing to me

00:22:52.080 --> 00:22:55.800
that it's casting a spell
and building energy.

00:22:55.800 --> 00:22:59.733
So intentions are a
primary part of my work.

00:23:00.840 --> 00:23:01.803
It's a totem.

00:23:02.730 --> 00:23:07.260
My totem about embracing
change and helping

00:23:07.260 --> 00:23:09.450
to actually manifest the changes

00:23:09.450 --> 00:23:12.060
that seem to be taking place in my life.

00:23:12.060 --> 00:23:14.970
And one of them is about
becoming more visible.

00:23:14.970 --> 00:23:17.839
This is about helping me have
the courage, the stamina,

00:23:17.839 --> 00:23:22.593
the determination, whatever I need to do.

00:23:24.930 --> 00:23:27.630
- [Participant] Some of
the activities express

00:23:27.630 --> 00:23:32.630
a trend in our culture,
where people are taking back

00:23:34.500 --> 00:23:38.640
their own aesthetic experiences

00:23:38.640 --> 00:23:43.640
and trying to come to their
own authority in making art

00:23:43.931 --> 00:23:47.220
that speaks about them and their lives,

00:23:47.220 --> 00:23:51.300
so that they can experience
the power of creativity

00:23:51.300 --> 00:23:54.270
in relation to their
own life and the themes

00:23:54.270 --> 00:23:56.310
that are in their lives.

00:23:56.310 --> 00:24:00.990
A lot of women, particularly,
are interested in the body

00:24:00.990 --> 00:24:03.423
and the bodily felt experiences.

00:24:10.680 --> 00:24:14.100
- The body casts after I had decorated it,

00:24:14.100 --> 00:24:15.033
I didn't like it.

00:24:16.710 --> 00:24:18.990
When I came out of the form,

00:24:18.990 --> 00:24:21.870
I loved the form and saw my body in a way

00:24:21.870 --> 00:24:23.790
I'd never seen it before.

00:24:23.790 --> 00:24:26.220
When I began to decorate it,

00:24:26.220 --> 00:24:28.380
that's when I had judgment come up,

00:24:28.380 --> 00:24:31.560
and I went, "Oh, it's not
as good as everyone else's

00:24:31.560 --> 00:24:32.640
and it's too different.

00:24:32.640 --> 00:24:36.217
And I eventually got to a
place where I could say,

00:24:36.217 --> 00:24:37.893
"Yes, this is who I am.

00:24:40.110 --> 00:24:43.050
"Let me be as I am.

00:24:43.050 --> 00:24:46.500
She wanted to mold me into
being like everyone else.

00:24:46.500 --> 00:24:50.850
It's why I grew to hate
my own self-expression.

00:24:50.850 --> 00:24:54.324
It hurt so much to conform, but I tried.

00:24:54.324 --> 00:24:58.350
Along the way, I lost my essential self.

00:24:58.350 --> 00:25:00.000
As the body casts came off,

00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:03.393
I began to remember the
beauty of my original self.

00:25:04.320 --> 00:25:07.980
And then I began to express
her with splashes of color,

00:25:07.980 --> 00:25:12.780
paint, slivers of glass,
sequence, shells, and feathers.

00:25:12.780 --> 00:25:15.633
She became without conscious intention

00:25:15.633 --> 00:25:17.583
all that I had become.

00:25:18.600 --> 00:25:20.520
My mother once told me,

00:25:20.520 --> 00:25:23.823
you just have to accept what
life brings you, who you are.

00:25:24.930 --> 00:25:27.993
But why couldn't she accept me as I was?.

00:25:29.040 --> 00:25:33.210
Finally, this woman
that is me has returned.

00:25:33.210 --> 00:25:36.180
I look on her form and
see that she will change

00:25:36.180 --> 00:25:37.410
again and again,

00:25:37.410 --> 00:25:40.950
now liberating from the confines
of my mother's conditioning

00:25:40.950 --> 00:25:42.900
and later my own.

00:25:42.900 --> 00:25:47.553
Let me be as I am for it brings me joy".

00:25:48.780 --> 00:25:50.400
I feel like the weekend for me

00:25:50.400 --> 00:25:55.400
was about birthing my
sacred self in female form.

00:26:00.120 --> 00:26:05.021
I wanted to really
accept my body as it was.

00:26:05.021 --> 00:26:06.150
(gentle music)

00:26:06.150 --> 00:26:07.620
If I couldn't love my body,

00:26:07.620 --> 00:26:10.320
if I couldn't come to a place
of acceptance for the way

00:26:10.320 --> 00:26:13.230
that I was expressing my own body,

00:26:13.230 --> 00:26:16.470
how could I really do what
makes my heart dance?,

00:26:16.470 --> 00:26:21.205
which is really what is
going to serve in my world

00:26:21.205 --> 00:26:24.030
'cause I think if we
do what brings us joy,

00:26:24.030 --> 00:26:27.630
it brings us the peace,
it brings us the love,

00:26:27.630 --> 00:26:29.453
and that unites us.

00:26:29.453 --> 00:26:32.120
(gentle music)

00:26:39.510 --> 00:26:41.850
The wholeness that I think
is required right now

00:26:41.850 --> 00:26:46.850
on the planet is the revealing
of the divine feminine.

00:26:48.090 --> 00:26:52.650
Because it has been separate
or even ignored for so long

00:26:52.650 --> 00:26:55.080
as we pay attention to something,

00:26:55.080 --> 00:26:57.449
it naturally becomes integrated

00:26:57.449 --> 00:27:00.933
for more wholeness to reveal itself.

00:27:02.040 --> 00:27:07.040
For me, the divine feminine
represents the life force

00:27:07.680 --> 00:27:11.358
that allows us to express who we are.

00:27:11.358 --> 00:27:14.025
(gentle music)

00:27:15.180 --> 00:27:19.830
Each woman is using her individual
talents in bringing forth

00:27:19.830 --> 00:27:22.320
a new level of consciousness,

00:27:22.320 --> 00:27:25.668
a new way of being on this planet.

00:27:25.668 --> 00:27:28.335
(gentle music)

00:27:32.250 --> 00:27:33.810
- And I had a near death experience

00:27:33.810 --> 00:27:38.460
when I was 19 years old that
really opened me up to the most

00:27:38.460 --> 00:27:43.460
direct connection of spirit
living so powerfully through me.

00:27:43.500 --> 00:27:44.880
And in the near death experience,

00:27:44.880 --> 00:27:48.300
it was as if spirit took
me like a magical bird

00:27:48.300 --> 00:27:50.880
on a ride throughout the universe.

00:27:50.880 --> 00:27:53.430
And yet when I came back
to my day-to-day life,

00:27:53.430 --> 00:27:55.716
I had to learn to come back in my body.

00:27:55.716 --> 00:28:00.210
And part of the way I did
that was through the arts.

00:28:00.210 --> 00:28:04.230
So it was a natural part of
the creative process as I began

00:28:04.230 --> 00:28:08.340
to heal myself and share
my experience with others

00:28:08.340 --> 00:28:12.015
in the community, that people
were naturally gravitated

00:28:12.015 --> 00:28:14.641
to move into more of their wholeness.

00:28:14.641 --> 00:28:19.641
So this form is a
celebration of who we are,

00:28:21.570 --> 00:28:25.840
as spirit in these magnificent bodies.

00:28:25.840 --> 00:28:28.507
(gentle music)

00:28:31.200 --> 00:28:34.140
- This is the doll that
came to me in the dream.

00:28:34.140 --> 00:28:36.960
She represents Shakti,

00:28:36.960 --> 00:28:41.960
the Hindu goddess of the
heavens who spread the planets

00:28:42.090 --> 00:28:46.110
and the stars and the divine feminine.

00:28:46.110 --> 00:28:50.100
And I never seen myself as
a dancer or light-hearted

00:28:50.100 --> 00:28:53.310
or flying across the stage,

00:28:53.310 --> 00:28:57.090
but this I know lives within me

00:28:57.090 --> 00:29:00.930
and that's what the divine
feminine does for us.

00:29:00.930 --> 00:29:05.490
And I have this nature and
this encourages me to live it

00:29:05.490 --> 00:29:09.870
in some other fashion, though
I'm not a dancer, you know.

00:29:09.870 --> 00:29:14.870
She was a beginning, a
real opening to my soul.

00:29:16.230 --> 00:29:20.340
There is something bigger
than who we are physically

00:29:20.340 --> 00:29:21.900
that lives within us.

00:29:21.900 --> 00:29:26.900
And the feminine is a potent
and powerful source of healing.

00:29:28.592 --> 00:29:31.259
(gentle music)

00:29:34.440 --> 00:29:38.406
This enormous fertility and
life that we give to the world,

00:29:38.406 --> 00:29:40.833
it's really attached to the belly.

00:29:44.670 --> 00:29:48.030
There's an old folk tale
that women have two hearts,

00:29:48.030 --> 00:29:50.398
one in their breast and one in their womb.

00:29:50.398 --> 00:29:53.610
So this is my honoring the beautiful noise

00:29:53.610 --> 00:29:56.730
that a woman's wisdom and a woman's story

00:29:56.730 --> 00:29:58.650
is a beautiful noise to the universe.

00:29:58.650 --> 00:30:03.240
And I do believe if the
feminine was recognized

00:30:03.240 --> 00:30:05.250
and honored more in the world,

00:30:05.250 --> 00:30:08.013
things would be different
and they still can be.

00:30:11.670 --> 00:30:16.380
Women are community builders,
soothsayers, and peacemakers.

00:30:16.380 --> 00:30:18.093
We're not conquerors.

00:30:20.040 --> 00:30:23.163
The divine feminine gives birth, gestates.

00:30:25.140 --> 00:30:28.530
We bleed, we get to bleed.

00:30:28.530 --> 00:30:33.270
We have a way of releasing
things out of our bodies,

00:30:33.270 --> 00:30:35.708
and I think that's sacred.

00:30:35.708 --> 00:30:38.820
(gentle music)

00:30:38.820 --> 00:30:40.950
- And there's a Jewish
concept called Tikkun Olam,

00:30:40.950 --> 00:30:43.050
which is to repair the world.

00:30:43.050 --> 00:30:45.494
And if we're looking for
ways to repair things,

00:30:45.494 --> 00:30:48.153
then we're already setting a tone.

00:30:50.850 --> 00:30:54.150
When I was 18, when I started
doing Jewish renewal ritual,

00:30:54.150 --> 00:30:57.180
I was just delighted to
learn this word Shekhinah,

00:30:57.180 --> 00:31:00.270
which can be translated to
mean "in dwelling presence,"

00:31:00.270 --> 00:31:02.679
"womb like one," the breast of God."

00:31:02.679 --> 00:31:05.857
And women weren't allowed
to study Torah for so long,

00:31:05.857 --> 00:31:10.110
and so they didn't know that
there was this definition

00:31:10.110 --> 00:31:12.270
of the divine that was the person,

00:31:12.270 --> 00:31:16.290
who's inside themselves or the
person who's dwelling within.

00:31:16.290 --> 00:31:18.546
That's just a much more friendly concept.

00:31:18.546 --> 00:31:21.780
(gentle music)

00:31:21.780 --> 00:31:24.147
- Mikvah is a Jewish ritual cleansing that

00:31:24.147 --> 00:31:27.030
women are required to
do at least once a month

00:31:27.030 --> 00:31:29.640
when they're bleeding
and if they're married.

00:31:29.640 --> 00:31:32.700
For me, it's a transformative tool,

00:31:32.700 --> 00:31:33.690
that as a Jewish woman,

00:31:33.690 --> 00:31:36.033
I wanna reclaim in a positive sense.

00:31:37.260 --> 00:31:40.950
For me, Mikvah is about
coming back to center,

00:31:40.950 --> 00:31:42.757
my deeper self.

00:31:42.757 --> 00:31:44.520
(crow cawing)

00:31:44.520 --> 00:31:46.080
There's several things in a Mikvah

00:31:46.080 --> 00:31:47.400
that are really important.

00:31:47.400 --> 00:31:49.300
It's considered a kind of birth,

00:31:49.300 --> 00:31:53.249
and you are not to be in
contact with either the air

00:31:53.249 --> 00:31:56.209
or the ground, so that you're completely

00:31:56.209 --> 00:31:58.860
in touch with only water.

00:31:58.860 --> 00:32:00.450
And the water has to be living water.

00:32:00.450 --> 00:32:03.390
And it can't just be a
bathtub or a hot tub.

00:32:03.390 --> 00:32:05.400
I usually do Mikvah once a month

00:32:05.400 --> 00:32:07.500
to let go of whatever things

00:32:07.500 --> 00:32:09.873
I need to let go of or
cleanse myself from.

00:32:11.160 --> 00:32:14.760
I've had a lot of concerns
this pregnancy about the health

00:32:14.760 --> 00:32:17.883
of the baby and about
everything working out okay.

00:32:18.960 --> 00:32:21.213
My intention, my kavana for this Mitvah,

00:32:22.320 --> 00:32:26.190
is to release into the
pregnancy and into the birth

00:32:26.190 --> 00:32:27.990
and to honor it.

00:32:27.990 --> 00:32:29.583
And to honor this baby.

00:32:31.110 --> 00:32:35.642
I can just move into a place
of acceptance and lack of fear.

00:32:35.642 --> 00:32:38.034
(birds chirping)

00:32:38.034 --> 00:32:40.784
(water sloshing)

00:32:48.436 --> 00:32:51.861
Blessed are you oh, deep and cold water.

00:32:51.861 --> 00:32:54.611
(water sloshing)

00:32:56.286 --> 00:32:59.453
(participant gasping)

00:33:01.778 --> 00:33:05.695
(chanting in Hebrew)

00:33:25.321 --> 00:33:28.071
(water sloshing)

00:33:29.305 --> 00:33:31.527
(participant gasping)

00:33:31.527 --> 00:33:33.694
Mikvgah is hard sometimes.

00:33:36.197 --> 00:33:37.030
It's okay.

00:33:39.236 --> 00:33:42.403
(participant sobbing)

00:33:51.207 --> 00:33:52.770
(birds chirping)

00:33:52.770 --> 00:33:55.170
It's cold and it's dark
and you're very alone.

00:33:55.170 --> 00:33:56.940
It's just you and the water.

00:33:56.940 --> 00:34:00.393
And so that brings up
feelings from a deep place.

00:34:02.790 --> 00:34:04.740
It's just stuff that needs to release

00:34:04.740 --> 00:34:06.840
and I need to let go of it.

00:34:06.840 --> 00:34:10.290
I've been holding onto this
for the whole pregnancy,

00:34:10.290 --> 00:34:13.050
and it feels really good to just feel like

00:34:13.050 --> 00:34:14.703
I've let it go into the water.

00:34:17.160 --> 00:34:19.170
When you give birth,

00:34:19.170 --> 00:34:21.873
it's just this complete
process of surrender,

00:34:22.770 --> 00:34:26.310
and it's really about being
able to cry and scream

00:34:26.310 --> 00:34:28.773
and shout.  I was opening that door.

00:34:30.000 --> 00:34:32.613
Mikvah is something you
do over and over again.

00:34:34.350 --> 00:34:37.350
It becomes a part of your process

00:34:37.350 --> 00:34:39.870
and a part of your ability
to be a powerful woman

00:34:39.870 --> 00:34:43.260
in the world and to reclaim the sanctity

00:34:43.260 --> 00:34:45.297
of our body experiences.

00:34:45.297 --> 00:34:48.793
(forlorn music)

00:34:48.793 --> 00:34:51.876
(singers vocalizing)

00:34:57.960 --> 00:35:01.380
(New participant) It is just all
moving through at the same time.

00:35:01.380 --> 00:35:05.103
We are dying and being born all the time.

00:35:06.975 --> 00:35:09.558
(solemn music)

00:35:23.702 --> 00:35:28.290
- Having been at death's
door with a diagnosis

00:35:28.290 --> 00:35:31.380
of end stage cancer many years ago,

00:35:31.380 --> 00:35:34.230
I had to confront that
whole issue of mortality

00:35:34.230 --> 00:35:37.230
and really be with that concept of death

00:35:37.230 --> 00:35:38.730
of where I could totally accept it

00:35:38.730 --> 00:35:41.343
and view it as as a transition.

00:35:42.180 --> 00:35:47.180
It's my journey from
death's door to wellness

00:35:48.000 --> 00:35:49.920
and the transformation that occurred

00:35:49.920 --> 00:35:52.590
burning through old belief systems

00:35:52.590 --> 00:35:56.580
that bound me to an imbalance existence.

00:35:56.580 --> 00:36:00.870
So the female figure makes
her way up the mountain

00:36:00.870 --> 00:36:02.970
through the lotus blossom there,

00:36:02.970 --> 00:36:05.610
the seat of consciousness,
and burns through the old

00:36:05.610 --> 00:36:09.300
illusions and belief systems,
and goes up out of the ashes,

00:36:09.300 --> 00:36:11.370
the phoenix rising, if you will,

00:36:11.370 --> 00:36:14.313
into the golden sunlight
of happiness and health.

00:36:15.780 --> 00:36:18.567
You know, there was always a fear for me

00:36:18.567 --> 00:36:21.330
and my interpretation of it is that

00:36:21.330 --> 00:36:23.960
you were never good enough to die.

00:36:23.960 --> 00:36:27.990
You know, you had to be
perfect when you die.

00:36:27.990 --> 00:36:30.240
I was always terrified
that I wasn't gonna be good

00:36:30.240 --> 00:36:33.120
enough to go to God.

00:36:33.120 --> 00:36:38.120
And I realized that if
there's anyone that is going

00:36:38.820 --> 00:36:41.973
to accept me for exactly
who I am, it would be God.

00:36:43.410 --> 00:36:45.270
Who else would it be?

00:36:45.270 --> 00:36:47.610
And that was a gift I got
in that whole experience.

00:36:47.610 --> 00:36:49.830
I got comfortable with that.

00:36:49.830 --> 00:36:52.563
That's the cycle; that's healing.

00:36:54.660 --> 00:36:58.590
- I had a really hard
doorway to find myself

00:36:58.590 --> 00:37:03.590
on the other side of when
I lost my only child,

00:37:03.630 --> 00:37:07.020
my son Sean, to suicide.

00:37:07.020 --> 00:37:08.730
He was 24 years old.

00:37:08.730 --> 00:37:11.370
When I was in my grieving process,

00:37:11.370 --> 00:37:15.150
I felt that I just needed
to hear my son's voice.

00:37:15.150 --> 00:37:16.260
And with technology,

00:37:16.260 --> 00:37:18.180
I happened to have an answering machine,

00:37:18.180 --> 00:37:22.230
an old one that had a tape
on it that I could rewind

00:37:22.230 --> 00:37:25.590
and listen to messages from times past.

00:37:25.590 --> 00:37:27.750
And I ran to that answering machine

00:37:27.750 --> 00:37:32.100
as if it were going to give me
the wonders of the universe.

00:37:32.100 --> 00:37:35.620
And somehow and sometimes I
think it was an act of magic

00:37:36.510 --> 00:37:38.490
out of all the messages that I heard,

00:37:38.490 --> 00:37:42.540
and there must have
been,literally ,tens of them,

00:37:42.540 --> 00:37:46.620
my son's voice was not on
that machine, not one time.

00:37:46.620 --> 00:37:51.620
And I realized that day that
I was going to have to go

00:37:52.710 --> 00:37:56.073
from the place of wishing
that I could have him with me,

00:37:57.060 --> 00:38:01.170
to embracing that he had left me

00:38:01.170 --> 00:38:03.630
and that now the meaning of my life

00:38:03.630 --> 00:38:05.223
was going to be up to me.

00:38:06.150 --> 00:38:11.100
And so today, I consider
myself a midwife of transition.

00:38:11.100 --> 00:38:14.250
Most of the people that I
work with doing grief recovery

00:38:14.250 --> 00:38:17.400
work come to me because
they're facing a change

00:38:17.400 --> 00:38:20.853
and they wonder if they can
make it through that change.

00:38:22.020 --> 00:38:24.183
That has become my life's path.

00:38:25.244 --> 00:38:27.911
(gentle music)

00:38:34.350 --> 00:38:38.010
Having an altar to the one
that you have lost is probably

00:38:38.010 --> 00:38:40.413
one of the most important things.

00:38:46.890 --> 00:38:49.133
And that's how I used ritual.

00:38:49.133 --> 00:38:51.800
(gentle music)

00:38:52.860 --> 00:38:57.860
- The story about this
woman, who is looking back

00:38:59.071 --> 00:39:02.800
at the past when there were demons

00:39:03.960 --> 00:39:06.630
that she kept from her children,

00:39:06.630 --> 00:39:11.130
that she didn't let them come
anywhere near her children.

00:39:11.130 --> 00:39:14.190
They grew up in laughter and strength.

00:39:14.190 --> 00:39:16.290
And then when they left,

00:39:16.290 --> 00:39:20.130
she waved them goodbye and she came in

00:39:20.130 --> 00:39:24.210
and slid the brassy bolt too.

00:39:24.210 --> 00:39:26.523
That's one of the best lines I ever wrote.

00:39:27.367 --> 00:39:31.470
"Now, let the demons come if they will."

00:39:31.470 --> 00:39:36.470
In dream time all that I
need, I have in abundance.

00:39:37.890 --> 00:39:41.640
A sheltering roof, a
mug of dark brewed tea,

00:39:41.640 --> 00:39:45.270
a crumbly scone and a peaceful mind.

00:39:45.270 --> 00:39:47.043
All battles done.

00:39:48.090 --> 00:39:51.120
Was it yesterday or many yester years,

00:39:51.120 --> 00:39:54.032
I faced the demons that encircled me

00:39:54.032 --> 00:39:58.320
and struck the blows
that made them disappear

00:39:58.320 --> 00:40:01.890
gathering my children
close under wraps of love.

00:40:01.890 --> 00:40:05.580
They never knew the evil
nor feared the unseen.

00:40:05.580 --> 00:40:09.813
They grew in light and
laughter, tall and strong.

00:40:10.770 --> 00:40:14.340
Tearless then was their leave taking.

00:40:14.340 --> 00:40:18.180
I stood at the Trellis gate
and waved them out of sight,

00:40:18.180 --> 00:40:22.353
closed the door and slid
home the brassy bolt.

00:40:23.310 --> 00:40:26.283
Now let the demons come if they will.

00:40:27.390 --> 00:40:29.850
- In other cultures, when a woman comes

00:40:29.850 --> 00:40:33.970
to her menopausal stature in life

00:40:34.890 --> 00:40:37.740
and becomes a wise blood,
in American culture,

00:40:37.740 --> 00:40:40.380
that woman is marginalized.

00:40:40.380 --> 00:40:42.300
And the women's groups I do,

00:40:42.300 --> 00:40:45.769
the women are all amazed as
they go through menopause

00:40:45.769 --> 00:40:49.890
and how invisible they
become in the culture.

00:40:49.890 --> 00:40:52.173
And we grieve that as women.

00:40:53.940 --> 00:40:57.780
Each stage builds to a grand finale

00:40:57.780 --> 00:41:00.300
of the true crowning glory of the crown

00:41:00.300 --> 00:41:02.190
in her senior status.

00:41:02.190 --> 00:41:05.130
But the beginning of the
Crone is that menopause

00:41:05.130 --> 00:41:08.280
and that turning point
where you hold your blood

00:41:08.280 --> 00:41:10.560
and you turn it into wisdom.

00:41:10.560 --> 00:41:13.413
And that's a great triumph
in a woman's journey.

00:41:14.460 --> 00:41:19.450
- In our blood, we actually
hold the genetic material

00:41:20.610 --> 00:41:25.140
for all of life, all of our
lineage in terms of our species.

00:41:25.140 --> 00:41:30.140
Tapping into that wisdom, we
become deep in our knowledge,

00:41:30.990 --> 00:41:33.333
hopefully, and deep in our experience.

00:41:35.130 --> 00:41:38.850
This particular series has to
do with the gateway passage

00:41:38.850 --> 00:41:42.450
of menopause into the elder
or the upstairs of our life,

00:41:42.450 --> 00:41:44.340
the Crone phase.

00:41:44.340 --> 00:41:49.340
This painting was just my
way of beginning to explore

00:41:49.496 --> 00:41:52.920
what was coming up inside of
me when I entered menopause

00:41:52.920 --> 00:41:57.177
and was hot flashing
and trying to understand

00:41:58.290 --> 00:42:02.160
the particular changes that
were going on in my body.

00:42:02.160 --> 00:42:05.910
And one of them that comes up
in menopause has to do with

00:42:05.910 --> 00:42:08.910
the issue of facing your own mortality.

00:42:08.910 --> 00:42:12.300
You're definitely on the
later stages of your life

00:42:12.300 --> 00:42:15.570
and there is a need to come
to grips with act to birth

00:42:15.570 --> 00:42:17.460
the new life you're
going to have as a Crone,

00:42:17.460 --> 00:42:20.280
which now is really a very long time.

00:42:20.280 --> 00:42:22.560
When you reach into the Crone stage,

00:42:22.560 --> 00:42:25.590
you begin seeing the
connections of all of life,

00:42:25.590 --> 00:42:28.023
the much larger universe
that you're part of.

00:42:28.980 --> 00:42:30.810
And that's both very comforting.

00:42:30.810 --> 00:42:32.310
And I can see where it's frightening

00:42:32.310 --> 00:42:34.470
to some people to look at.

00:42:34.470 --> 00:42:37.800
The wrinkles and the way skin ages

00:42:37.800 --> 00:42:39.240
are like a landscape to me.

00:42:39.240 --> 00:42:41.130
If you notice, this has
almost become a terrain

00:42:41.130 --> 00:42:43.140
like the moon or the earth.

00:42:43.140 --> 00:42:45.390
Instead of it being
something hideous or ugly,

00:42:45.390 --> 00:42:47.220
I'm really into it.

00:42:47.220 --> 00:42:49.713
I'm into the wrinkles.
I love to look at them.

00:42:50.970 --> 00:42:55.590
As a Crone, you have new eyes
and I wanna encourage women

00:42:55.590 --> 00:42:59.850
to use those, not to suppress
it, to fit in with a culture.

00:42:59.850 --> 00:43:02.349
I mean, part of what
I'm doing is welcoming

00:43:02.349 --> 00:43:04.410
this stage of my life.

00:43:04.410 --> 00:43:07.110
And it's a defiance of what the rest

00:43:07.110 --> 00:43:08.343
of the culture is doing.

00:43:09.300 --> 00:43:13.710
- And the basic journey is
the journey to authenticity.

00:43:13.710 --> 00:43:17.433
Who am I as an authentic woman?

00:43:19.230 --> 00:43:21.510
- I have a big birthday coming up.

00:43:21.510 --> 00:43:22.593
I'm going to be 50.

00:43:23.841 --> 00:43:27.810
And I didn't think I had much
really wanted to do that.

00:43:27.810 --> 00:43:31.113
So I thought I would get married instead.

00:43:32.820 --> 00:43:37.820
There were no plausible
candidates to be the groom.

00:43:40.500 --> 00:43:41.970
So I thought, well, you know,

00:43:41.970 --> 00:43:44.403
I would enjoy having
a wedding nonetheless.

00:43:45.810 --> 00:43:50.463
So I went to Oz Stationary
Store and bought my groom.

00:43:52.120 --> 00:43:55.080
(participant laughing)

00:43:55.080 --> 00:43:59.730
I'm nowhere near ready
for a Croning ceremony.

00:43:59.730 --> 00:44:03.390
That's actually part of why
this was what I came up with.

00:44:03.390 --> 00:44:05.040
It's like, no, maybe next year

00:44:05.040 --> 00:44:06.450
I'll be ready for a Croning ceremony.

00:44:06.450 --> 00:44:07.350
But it's like, no,

00:44:07.350 --> 00:44:11.460
I have to, the girl wants something first.

00:44:11.460 --> 00:44:14.155
It really is about
doing something to honor

00:44:14.155 --> 00:44:17.643
the passage of time,
the phases, all of that.

00:44:19.800 --> 00:44:22.383
I'm really marrying a cardboard man.

00:44:24.838 --> 00:44:29.337
And there's that kind of
wonderful peace about that just,

00:44:33.810 --> 00:44:36.030
it's just such a good idea.

00:44:36.030 --> 00:44:37.530
And the more it's really happening,

00:44:37.530 --> 00:44:41.190
the less of a lunatic event it truly is.

00:44:41.190 --> 00:44:43.860
So it's an excuse to have
bunches of friends here

00:44:43.860 --> 00:44:45.090
and we don't have to make a big deal

00:44:45.090 --> 00:44:46.980
about the actual birthday,

00:44:46.980 --> 00:44:47.813
but we're having a celebration.

00:44:47.813 --> 00:44:49.470
(Light joyful music)

00:44:49.470 --> 00:44:52.680
I just think that whether you
happen to have a guy to do

00:44:52.680 --> 00:44:55.560
it with or not, a girl deserves a wedding.

00:44:55.560 --> 00:44:56.670
The first time around,

00:44:56.670 --> 00:44:58.980
we did it like hippies at
a Justice of the Peace.

00:44:58.980 --> 00:45:01.050
And I didn't get to have a wedding.

00:45:01.050 --> 00:45:05.277
I want a wedding, but afar
from viewing it as humiliating.

00:45:05.277 --> 00:45:06.663
- [Crowd Member] Wheres the music?

00:45:06.663 --> 00:45:09.413
(group crooning)

00:45:15.060 --> 00:45:16.781
- I'm giving the bride away today here.

00:45:16.781 --> 00:45:18.720
(group chattering faintly)

00:45:18.720 --> 00:45:21.120
- In times of bliss and a glee.

00:45:21.120 --> 00:45:24.460
I will love thee, with every
recycled fiber of my being.

00:45:24.460 --> 00:45:25.293
(all laughing)

00:45:25.293 --> 00:45:26.693
- I, Elise, take you Cardboard.

00:45:28.765 --> 00:45:31.682
(group applauding)

00:45:32.926 --> 00:45:35.286
(pleasant music)

00:45:35.286 --> 00:45:38.536
(men shouting faintly)

00:45:41.558 --> 00:45:44.391
(pleasant music)

00:45:49.465 --> 00:45:53.220
- I think what we kind of
overlook is that every person

00:45:53.220 --> 00:45:54.360
is male and female.

00:45:54.360 --> 00:45:58.476
And to merge the male and the
female aspects of our nature

00:45:58.476 --> 00:46:00.240
is the ultimate balance.

00:46:00.240 --> 00:46:02.790
By marrying this cardboard man,

00:46:02.790 --> 00:46:05.880
maybe she was just merging
her male and female aspects

00:46:05.880 --> 00:46:07.153
and symbolizing that.

00:46:07.153 --> 00:46:11.167
- A woman in a sense,
marrying herself gets to say,

00:46:11.167 --> 00:46:15.420
"I am the key to my completeness."

00:46:15.420 --> 00:46:17.581
- Ready 1, 2, 3.

00:46:17.581 --> 00:46:18.414
(shutter clicks)

00:46:18.414 --> 00:46:21.000
(all laughing)

00:46:21.000 --> 00:46:23.550
- It's a commitment to
making oneself happy

00:46:23.550 --> 00:46:25.530
and honoring oneself.

00:46:25.530 --> 00:46:28.770
The thing I wanted myself to
get in a way that was joyous

00:46:28.770 --> 00:46:32.400
and delightful and very light was that

00:46:32.400 --> 00:46:36.180
I wasn't gonna have somebody
else take care of me ever.

00:46:36.180 --> 00:46:39.510
- There's a lot of losses
that you go through

00:46:39.510 --> 00:46:41.070
in your menopausal passage,

00:46:41.070 --> 00:46:45.003
but what I know of the
healthy function of grief

00:46:45.003 --> 00:46:50.003
is to create new space for a new identity.

00:46:50.730 --> 00:46:54.450
- I was officially
giving up a deep fantasy

00:46:54.450 --> 00:46:56.250
of Mr. Ghostly Lover,

00:46:56.250 --> 00:46:59.874
but I really wanted that
gone from my heart and soul.

00:46:59.874 --> 00:47:02.580
And I think somehow my wedding

00:47:02.580 --> 00:47:04.473
to Mr. Cardboard really helped.

00:47:05.730 --> 00:47:07.613
It was a good thing to do.

00:47:07.613 --> 00:47:10.280
(drums banging)

00:47:11.370 --> 00:47:14.400
- People think of me as being
kind of in the background

00:47:14.400 --> 00:47:16.290
and as I do things like this,

00:47:16.290 --> 00:47:18.570
that's certainly not in the background

00:47:18.570 --> 00:47:22.053
and it's owning more
of the power than I am.

00:47:22.890 --> 00:47:25.650
- [Ruth] I am Ruth, daughter of Elizabeth,

00:47:25.650 --> 00:47:28.050
granddaughter of Della.

00:47:28.050 --> 00:47:30.407
- [Roxanne] I'm Roxanne,
daughter of Stella,

00:47:30.407 --> 00:47:32.640
granddaughter of Lily.

00:47:32.640 --> 00:47:35.460
- I am Pat, daughter of Gertrude.

00:47:35.460 --> 00:47:37.350
Granddaughter of Sadie.

00:47:37.350 --> 00:47:39.210
- [Participant] When a
woman reaches midlife,

00:47:39.210 --> 00:47:41.400
she's beginning a new life.

00:47:41.400 --> 00:47:44.100
The support she needs
comes from her circle

00:47:44.100 --> 00:47:45.753
and from within herself.

00:47:47.790 --> 00:47:50.643
Remember that beauty works from within.

00:47:51.960 --> 00:47:54.870
- [Participant] My intentions
are to create a space

00:47:54.870 --> 00:47:57.240
where compassion and loving kindness

00:47:57.240 --> 00:47:59.520
are revealed and expressed.

00:47:59.520 --> 00:48:02.940
To live in peace down at
the very depths of my soul,

00:48:02.940 --> 00:48:04.563
where all strain is gone.

00:48:05.880 --> 00:48:09.243
And finally being fully
supported by this work.

00:48:11.415 --> 00:48:13.936
♪ Woman am I ♪

00:48:13.936 --> 00:48:16.356
♪ Spirit am I ♪

00:48:16.356 --> 00:48:21.356
♪ I'm the infinite within my soul ♪

00:48:21.704 --> 00:48:24.032
♪ I have no beginning ♪

00:48:24.032 --> 00:48:27.099
♪ And I have no end ♪

00:48:27.099 --> 00:48:29.766
♪ All this I am ♪

00:48:31.753 --> 00:48:32.853
- She's a Crone.

00:48:32.853 --> 00:48:35.686
(group cheering)

00:48:36.747 --> 00:48:41.310
And it's like owning more
of the power that I am

00:48:41.310 --> 00:48:43.860
and it's seeing myself
in a different light

00:48:43.860 --> 00:48:44.880
and that feels good.

00:48:44.880 --> 00:48:47.580
And I guess that's some of
where the tears come from.

00:48:47.580 --> 00:48:49.800
I'm owning more who I am.

00:48:49.800 --> 00:48:54.000
- I decided I wanted to
join a writing group,

00:48:54.000 --> 00:48:57.750
and I leafed through the
catalog from the writing center

00:48:57.750 --> 00:49:02.347
and I said, here's a
one day seminar called

00:49:02.347 --> 00:49:07.347
"The Crone, the Older but Wiser Woman."

00:49:07.560 --> 00:49:10.140
And I said, well now that's me.

00:49:10.140 --> 00:49:11.837
That should be interesting.

00:49:11.837 --> 00:49:16.837
And that's how I got
into writing seriously.

00:49:17.130 --> 00:49:19.950
Joan, our fearless leader, said,

00:49:19.950 --> 00:49:23.670
now you've been writing about
your life up to this point.

00:49:23.670 --> 00:49:26.880
Now what are your goals for the future?

00:49:26.880 --> 00:49:29.940
And write about this
last period of your life.

00:49:29.940 --> 00:49:34.260
And I said, "June, I'm in
the last period of my life."

00:49:34.260 --> 00:49:36.423
I have no goals.

00:49:37.860 --> 00:49:39.543
She said, write. (Sound of chimesd)

00:49:40.410 --> 00:49:44.343
And I wrote, what shall I
be when I should be old.

00:49:45.450 --> 00:49:47.790
- We get beards too, you know, our skin,

00:49:47.790 --> 00:49:49.950
just things grow on you.

00:49:49.950 --> 00:49:52.560
One of the women brought in
bundles of sage in the workshop.

00:49:52.560 --> 00:49:54.510
I asked people to bring
in different materials,

00:49:54.510 --> 00:49:58.410
particularly old materials
and organic materials

00:49:58.410 --> 00:50:00.300
that show the beauty of old.

00:50:00.300 --> 00:50:03.030
Each material helps somebody
to express something.

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There's no one way.

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And part of the Crone
is she's a truth teller.

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This is your time to speak

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before you leave this cycle of your life.

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(gentle music)

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There's a lot of power in this
time, a lot of fierceness.

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- And I wrote, what shall
I be when I shall be old?

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What shall I be when I shall be old?

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Shall I be withered,
seared like a fallen leaf,

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brown and wrinkled, fragile?

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Careful now, a sudden misstep might create

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a barely visible pile of dust.

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Shall I instead be fresh and green,

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born of spring rain and gusting
winds, a moment of promise.

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I shall be something in between.

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Neither new nor old, neither
brown nor newborn green.

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I shall be flame all
scarlet, orange and gold,

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still passionate, yearning to live

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and learn with knowledge to impart.

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If there be one to listen,

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I shall not know when I shall be old.

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Only one day I shall no longer be.

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- [Moderator] Welcome to The Crone Show.

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Show evolved from the
Birthing the Crone workshops

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on creativity and aging, as
a way to express ourselves

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as aging women, to celebrate and honor

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ourselves as aging women.

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(group laughing)

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- And this particular piece
is an homage to my mother.

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And then of course I'm
pointing to the vaginal area

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from whence I came.

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It's been very important

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to have a welcoming and loving heart.

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I got that from my mom.

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And as you can see,

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I'm holding a heart in my hand.

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It's a great piece, I think,

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because my mother is so much a part of it

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and so much a part of my life.

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(group chattering)

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- I wanted something that
would represent my body.

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I had recently become disabled,

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and I wanted to do it as a way of working

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through my disabilities.

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Well, now that it's completed,

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I think it needs to be worked on more.

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Maybe I would've made up some feet

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'cause now I'm having
problems with my feet.

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You know, I have places to go,

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people to meet, things to do.

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Here, they're cut off.

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So I don't know if I'm gonna
be able to carry that out.

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(gentle music)
(birds chirping)

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(waves crashing)

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- Space and time, sound,
silence elements from the earth,

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wind, water, fire.

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I mean these are all
components to the holy.

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To be healthy, there needs
to be this continued cycle,

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healthy and full and complete.

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Unless we spiritually look at
aging and dying and illness

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as the model of health,

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then we're just missing the full circle.

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So I think that's really what
lifecycle rituals are about.

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I am a licensed funeral
director in California.

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I consider myself to be an
alternative funeral director

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and a death midwife.

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I help families and hold the
space for them during the time

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of a death and in their
funeral ceremony and ritual.

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And when a death occurs, not
only the person who's died,

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but the people who are bearing witnesses

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are sort of on this threshold
between these worlds.

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And there were actually people
participating in the death,

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being present to the body,

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bathing and dressing the body

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and lying their own loved
one out in honor at home.

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When I bear witness to that,

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when I work with families in a death,

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it's an opportunity for
them to go into that cycle

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and to feel it and understand

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it is truly part of life.

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It's beautiful to bear witness to that.

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You don't get to see that
in our society these days.

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It's missing.

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We've lost our understanding
of how important that space is,

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honoring the space that's around
the family, the survivors,

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and the person who's made
their transition, who has died.

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We have to mark that space

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and we have to hold that space.

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And I remind them of the
importance of the space

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surrounding that to really
help us be present to it

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and feel it and experience it.

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We need to embrace death.

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And I think in that awakening,
there's a beauty in it.

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We need to go towards that.

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(gentle solemn music)

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- [Participant] And when the
last of her moons has passed,

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she will be a grandmother in the world,

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who can teach the
daughters that their blood

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is not one thing, but many things.

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- [Participant] Women are
stepping into leadership

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in bringing forth a new
level of consciousness,

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a new way of being on this planet.

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(gentle music)
(birds chirping)

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- [Participant] The blood
mysteries then relates

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to a cyclical nature of life itself.

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- [Participant] There really
is this intimate dance

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between nature and the person.

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(gentle music)
(birds chirping)

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- [Participant] As women, we
know because we give birth

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that we're connected to the whole of life.

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It's not separate from our
blood is about nurturing.

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The systems that we have
allowed are changing

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because they no longer serve
the wellbeing of our planet.

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- [Participant] It is through imagining

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that we can begin to change.

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(gentle music)

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- [Participant] To really
live awakened lives

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that are deeply connected
to the earth, to each other

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and to the larger global
organism that we are all becoming

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as one whole family.

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(birds cawing)

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- [Participant] Coming
into a more whole place

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within ourselves and the world itself.

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(solemn music)

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(birds chirping)

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- [Participant] We're at a
point of embracing all those

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aspects of our being

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that are the feminine
reveal, the emotions,

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the intuitions, the coming
from the heart space.

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(solemn music)
(singers vocalizing)

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- [Participant] So where 30 years ago

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there were very few people
talking about blood mysteries

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and reclaiming women's bodies,

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now there is a gradual
awakening across the planet.

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(solemn music)

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- [Participant] We can
imagine a new wave being.

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- [Participant] Women are
becoming more visible.

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(gentle music)

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- [Participant] Being the creator.

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That's the link with the divine feminine.

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(gentle music)

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- [Participant] Well, you know,
we're all wounded healers.

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- [Participant] It is all fully present

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within our own being.

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So it's about bringing it forth.

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(gentle music with high
pichrd voices that amplify)

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(singers vocalizing to ednd)

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- [Participant] Not
everyone has the same songs,

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but they all interconnect with each other.

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(solemn music)

00:59:25.253 --> 00:59:28.336
(singers vocalizing)

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(solemn music continues)

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(singers vocalizing crescendos)

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(waves lapping)

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(gentle music)

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(waves lapping continues)

00:59:57.303 --> 01:00:00.720
(gentle music continues)

01:00:04.812 --> 01:00:09.812
(waves lapping continues)
(gentle music continues)

01:00:15.232 --> 01:00:19.527
(waves lapping continues)
(gentle music continues)

01:00:19.527 --> 01:00:22.944
(gentle music continues)

01:00:39.082 --> 01:00:42.499
(gentle music continues)

01:01:00.936 --> 01:01:04.353
(gentle music continues)

01:01:26.240 --> 01:01:29.657
(gentle music continues)

01:01:46.605 --> 01:01:50.022
(gentle music continues)