00:00:09.476 --> 00:00:12.545
- [Kendra] It's 8:50. That's
not too late to call somebody.

00:00:12.545 --> 00:00:16.182
(dial tones chiming)

00:00:16.182 --> 00:00:18.518
- [Voice Machine] You have
now six recorded messages.

00:00:18.518 --> 00:00:20.920
(indistinct)

00:00:32.599 --> 00:00:34.300
- Hi, April.

00:00:34.300 --> 00:00:37.303
This is Kendra Potter,

00:00:37.303 --> 00:00:40.840
your birth daughter.

00:00:40.840 --> 00:00:43.810
I don't know if leaving
a voicemail is too weird.

00:00:43.810 --> 00:00:44.778
I just...

00:00:47.747 --> 00:00:49.349
Hi.

00:00:49.349 --> 00:00:51.184
I like the sound of your voice.

00:00:55.422 --> 00:00:57.057
I thought I would try you.

00:01:00.527 --> 00:01:02.228
If you would like to call me back,

00:01:02.228 --> 00:01:04.664
I encourage you to do so.

00:01:06.066 --> 00:01:07.133
I'll be up,

00:01:08.101 --> 00:01:12.305
I don't know, for probably
another hour or so this evening.

00:01:17.944 --> 00:01:20.547
That was the lamest voicemail I ever left.

00:01:24.751 --> 00:01:27.554
(Kendra laughing)

00:01:27.554 --> 00:01:29.289
"I like the sound of your voice?"

00:01:31.491 --> 00:01:34.294
(Kendra laughing)

00:01:42.035 --> 00:01:45.839
Now I guess I just hang
out in case she calls back.

00:01:50.243 --> 00:01:53.246
(cellphone ringing)

00:01:58.918 --> 00:01:59.986
Hello.

00:01:59.986 --> 00:02:02.422
(dramatic music)

00:02:02.422 --> 00:02:05.592
(children chattering)

00:02:13.800 --> 00:02:15.401
- [Dad] Kendy Bear.

00:02:17.137 --> 00:02:19.706
(Dad laughing)

00:02:22.742 --> 00:02:23.643
Kendra, look.

00:02:23.643 --> 00:02:24.777
(children chattering)

00:02:24.777 --> 00:02:28.314
- [Kendra] I always felt really
lucky that I was adopted.

00:02:28.314 --> 00:02:30.049
In my head I always thought

00:02:30.049 --> 00:02:31.951
that my life was actually
a little bit better

00:02:31.951 --> 00:02:33.219
than everyone else's.

00:02:36.756 --> 00:02:38.491
- [Dad] Come and stand on the rug, Kendy.

00:02:39.425 --> 00:02:41.094
- Now what?

00:02:41.094 --> 00:02:43.563
You spent half the time
looking at the cat,

00:02:43.563 --> 00:02:44.697
not looking at me.

00:02:44.697 --> 00:02:45.565
- [Dad] Well, I'm looking
at both of you right now.

00:02:45.565 --> 00:02:47.600
Is that your favorite kitty?

00:02:47.600 --> 00:02:48.434
- Yes.

00:02:48.434 --> 00:02:53.273
I grew up in a super, super,
super white community.

00:02:54.107 --> 00:02:56.743
- [Dad] Get the cat off the stupid couch.

00:02:56.743 --> 00:02:58.478
(piano music)

00:02:58.478 --> 00:03:03.483
- The Native-ness didn't
really come up for me too much,

00:03:03.550 --> 00:03:07.654
because I felt like I
was blended well enough.

00:03:07.654 --> 00:03:10.223
(choral music)

00:03:14.494 --> 00:03:15.528
A princess.

00:03:15.528 --> 00:03:16.930
- You wanna be a princess?

00:03:16.930 --> 00:03:17.830
Okay.

00:03:17.830 --> 00:03:19.732
(children chattering)

00:03:19.732 --> 00:03:21.234
- [Mom] My concern, especially
when you were little,

00:03:21.234 --> 00:03:24.003
is you looked enough different
from all your cousins,

00:03:24.003 --> 00:03:25.205
the little blonde towheads,

00:03:25.205 --> 00:03:28.007
that I didn't wanna do anything
more to distinguish you.

00:03:29.075 --> 00:03:32.912
(children vocalizing)
(toy guns blasting)

00:03:32.912 --> 00:03:37.517
We tried to treat you as
though you had our ancestry

00:03:37.517 --> 00:03:40.620
until the point where
you went after your own.

00:03:40.620 --> 00:03:42.155
- [Mom] People said, "She looks Italian."

00:03:42.155 --> 00:03:42.989
Several people had said to me,

00:03:42.989 --> 00:03:44.290
"She looks Italian or Spanish,"

00:03:44.290 --> 00:03:46.092
and I said, "Yes, she kinda does,"

00:03:46.092 --> 00:03:47.527
and we just let it go at that.

00:03:47.527 --> 00:03:49.195
Okay, come on, kids. Let's go.

00:03:49.195 --> 00:03:50.230
This is her adoption pictures.

00:03:50.230 --> 00:03:51.331
- Picture right there.

00:03:55.702 --> 00:03:57.370
- This is one of the earliest pictures of-

00:03:57.370 --> 00:03:58.204
- That's a very early-

00:03:58.204 --> 00:04:00.473
- That's like the same day,
or the couple days later.

00:04:00.473 --> 00:04:01.307
That's a very, very early-

00:04:01.307 --> 00:04:03.309
- I think that's my
first picture with her.

00:04:03.309 --> 00:04:04.777
Right there.
- Yeah.

00:04:04.777 --> 00:04:06.246
- It's that one.

00:04:06.246 --> 00:04:08.848
(gentle music)

00:04:12.218 --> 00:04:15.121
- [Narrator] 10 years ago,
Kendra and I made a short film.

00:04:15.989 --> 00:04:18.491
I cast Kendra as a Native character

00:04:18.491 --> 00:04:20.693
who had been adopted,

00:04:20.693 --> 00:04:23.563
Which turned out to be
a strange coincidence,

00:04:23.563 --> 00:04:25.365
because as we made the movie,

00:04:25.365 --> 00:04:28.268
I learnt that her own
story was actually the same

00:04:28.268 --> 00:04:29.502
as her character's.

00:04:31.104 --> 00:04:33.740
Both were raised outside
of their Native culture

00:04:33.740 --> 00:04:35.074
and by a white family.

00:04:37.377 --> 00:04:38.645
(indistinct chatter)

00:04:38.645 --> 00:04:41.581
A lot of the professional
work Kendra gets as an actor,

00:04:41.581 --> 00:04:43.416
she plays Native characters.

00:04:46.052 --> 00:04:49.255
- Now, don't change the
subject. Did you bring her back?

00:04:49.255 --> 00:04:51.024
- She's at the house if
you wanna come see her.

00:04:51.024 --> 00:04:53.626
- [Kendra] You know, I've
really struggled with how to be,

00:04:53.626 --> 00:04:57.630
and in whether or not I am
ethically breaking rules.

00:04:57.630 --> 00:04:59.565
Which I know, you and I
have had this conversation.

00:04:59.565 --> 00:05:02.135
You've always been like, "No, it's fine.

00:05:02.135 --> 00:05:02.969
You are Native.

00:05:02.969 --> 00:05:04.971
You can say you're Native. It's okay."

00:05:08.675 --> 00:05:11.044
But I don't really know
if I know what that is.

00:05:15.114 --> 00:05:16.749
- [Narrator] I'm Blackfeet and Salish,

00:05:16.749 --> 00:05:17.917
and grew up in Montana,

00:05:17.917 --> 00:05:20.353
both on and off my mom's reservation.

00:05:22.155 --> 00:05:24.524
Elders from my mom and
dad's tribes always talk

00:05:24.524 --> 00:05:27.427
about how important it
is to know who you are.

00:05:30.663 --> 00:05:33.633
The way my family and other
Native families keep track

00:05:33.633 --> 00:05:34.534
of relatives,

00:05:34.534 --> 00:05:37.770
I thought, if we could
find out Kendra's tribe,

00:05:37.770 --> 00:05:41.908
we could go there, ask around
and find her Native family.

00:05:44.944 --> 00:05:46.979
- I think there's a part of my identity

00:05:46.979 --> 00:05:49.182
that I've created, that's a mystery,

00:05:49.182 --> 00:05:50.616
and so, the idea

00:05:50.616 --> 00:05:54.287
of uncovering the mystery
gets a little wonky,

00:05:56.122 --> 00:06:00.560
because then I have
this different identity

00:06:00.560 --> 00:06:02.695
that's probably gonna feel just fine,

00:06:02.695 --> 00:06:07.500
but the anticipation of
it's pretty terrifying.

00:06:10.169 --> 00:06:11.838
Okay, birth date.

00:06:13.072 --> 00:06:13.906
Unknown.

00:06:15.541 --> 00:06:17.110
I mean, birth name.

00:06:17.110 --> 00:06:19.445
- [Phone Menu Voice] For
adoption services, press 2.

00:06:19.445 --> 00:06:20.279
- [Adoption Agency
Operator] I'd like to get

00:06:20.279 --> 00:06:21.948
into the database so I'm clear

00:06:21.948 --> 00:06:23.950
on what we're talking about here.

00:06:23.950 --> 00:06:26.018
I've got the register
from your birth mother.

00:06:26.018 --> 00:06:26.853
Okay. Well, good.

00:06:30.656 --> 00:06:32.592
- The email that she sent,

00:06:32.592 --> 00:06:34.327
"Your birth mother, she's also adopted.

00:06:34.327 --> 00:06:38.398
Her father was full Native
American from Lummi tribe.

00:06:39.265 --> 00:06:42.935
She is attempting to enroll
in the Lummi Nation."

00:06:43.903 --> 00:06:46.172
I don't know. Like, just sit on it?

00:06:49.175 --> 00:06:51.944
(waves crashing)

00:06:58.251 --> 00:07:03.256
(gentle music)
(waves crashing)

00:07:11.230 --> 00:07:13.132
- [Lutie] Everybody that
comes to Lummi, I always say,

00:07:13.132 --> 00:07:15.201
"Well, who are you and
what are you doing here,

00:07:15.201 --> 00:07:18.137
and how come you're
here and away from home?

00:07:18.137 --> 00:07:19.038
What do you want?"

00:07:20.006 --> 00:07:23.476
And I do that to everybody,
no matter who they are.

00:07:24.510 --> 00:07:29.348
I guess because we've
been hurt so many times

00:07:29.348 --> 00:07:33.186
in our lives, as Native people,

00:07:33.186 --> 00:07:35.087
and we have the mistrust.

00:07:36.556 --> 00:07:37.824
You have to gain your trust

00:07:37.824 --> 00:07:40.193
in order for some of us to speak.

00:07:43.296 --> 00:07:45.465
- [archival voice]
Here's your (indistinct)

00:07:47.600 --> 00:07:49.602
Use these pieces for the chokers.

00:07:50.503 --> 00:07:55.508
- [Lutie] We were forbid to
do our traditional beliefs,

00:07:55.942 --> 00:07:58.845
and our people were put in jail

00:08:00.947 --> 00:08:03.282
for practicing our belief.

00:08:04.684 --> 00:08:07.286
(gentle music)

00:08:10.490 --> 00:08:12.992
It's not an easy thing to talk about.

00:08:18.564 --> 00:08:20.399
We were forced to go to school.

00:08:20.399 --> 00:08:23.970
Kids were pulled out of their homes.

00:08:23.970 --> 00:08:25.905
Some of them not even knowing,

00:08:25.905 --> 00:08:28.541
the families not even knowing
where their children were.

00:08:31.244 --> 00:08:34.914
The churches and the
government took our kids

00:08:34.914 --> 00:08:38.684
and put them in foster care, foster homes.

00:08:41.420 --> 00:08:43.689
- [Narrator] I grew up
knowing the terrible history

00:08:43.689 --> 00:08:47.827
that the US has with its
Indigenous people and my family.

00:08:48.828 --> 00:08:51.764
After centuries of
stolen land and genocide,

00:08:51.764 --> 00:08:54.100
our people did not die out,

00:08:54.100 --> 00:08:55.101
we survived,

00:08:56.569 --> 00:08:58.905
an obstacle to manifest destiny.

00:09:02.742 --> 00:09:06.145
So, the US came up with a
solution to get rid of us.

00:09:07.880 --> 00:09:10.716
Absorb and assimilate.

00:09:10.716 --> 00:09:13.319
- [Man] On the one
hand, we have the Navajo

00:09:13.319 --> 00:09:14.987
as we find him in the desert.

00:09:15.922 --> 00:09:20.826
Few of these boys and girls
have ever seen a white man,

00:09:20.826 --> 00:09:24.230
yet, through the agencies
of the government,

00:09:24.230 --> 00:09:26.198
they are being rapidly brought

00:09:26.198 --> 00:09:30.503
from their state of comparative
savagery and barbarism,

00:09:30.503 --> 00:09:32.905
to one of civilization.

00:09:32.905 --> 00:09:35.508
♪ John Brown had a little Indian ♪

00:09:35.508 --> 00:09:38.144
♪ John Brown had a little Indian ♪

00:09:38.144 --> 00:09:40.680
♪ John Brown had a little Indian ♪

00:09:40.680 --> 00:09:42.248
♪ One little Indian boy ♪

00:09:43.816 --> 00:09:47.453
- [Narrator] The Indian
Adoption Project began in 1958

00:09:47.453 --> 00:09:48.754
as a government effort

00:09:48.754 --> 00:09:51.424
to remove Native children
from their families

00:09:51.424 --> 00:09:53.259
and place them in white homes.

00:09:54.627 --> 00:09:56.262
- [Man Off camera] For
decades, Indian parents

00:09:56.262 --> 00:09:58.864
and their children have been
at the mercy of abusive action

00:09:58.864 --> 00:10:03.736
of local, state, federal,
and private agency officials.

00:10:03.736 --> 00:10:05.471
- Between 25 and 35%

00:10:05.471 --> 00:10:07.173
of all American Indian
children are removed

00:10:07.173 --> 00:10:08.240
from their families.

00:10:11.811 --> 00:10:15.114
- Welfare agencies seemed to
have operated on the premise

00:10:15.114 --> 00:10:17.650
that most Indian children
would really be better off

00:10:17.650 --> 00:10:19.885
growing up non-Indian.

00:10:19.885 --> 00:10:22.822
It has been called, by
some, cultural genocide.

00:10:26.592 --> 00:10:27.927
- [Adele] As you get older,

00:10:27.927 --> 00:10:31.130
you realize the significance of that.

00:10:32.698 --> 00:10:34.700
My four siblings that were shipped off,

00:10:34.700 --> 00:10:37.069
all of them have passed away.

00:10:38.537 --> 00:10:40.373
The only ones of us who survived

00:10:40.373 --> 00:10:42.608
were the ones who grew
up on the reservation.

00:10:44.176 --> 00:10:46.812
- [Narrator] These kids
weren't unwanted orphans.

00:10:46.812 --> 00:10:49.749
They were a pawn in a war to end tribes.

00:10:51.484 --> 00:10:53.119
One of the most effective ways

00:10:53.119 --> 00:10:55.021
to bring a people to its knees:

00:10:56.155 --> 00:10:57.356
get rid of the children.

00:11:00.593 --> 00:11:03.629
But Indigenous people kept fighting back.

00:11:03.629 --> 00:11:04.897
In the late 70s,

00:11:04.897 --> 00:11:08.167
Native grassroots activists
pushed through legislation,

00:11:08.167 --> 00:11:11.737
called the Indian Child
Welfare Act, or ICWA.

00:11:14.240 --> 00:11:16.742
The law prioritizes keeping Native kids

00:11:16.742 --> 00:11:18.377
within their own tribes.

00:11:20.112 --> 00:11:21.047
- [Dad] What is it?

00:11:22.148 --> 00:11:24.450
- [Kendra] My birth
mother is also adopted.

00:11:25.384 --> 00:11:27.153
(choral music)

00:11:27.153 --> 00:11:28.621
So, when I was put up for adoption,

00:11:28.621 --> 00:11:32.291
I was a special case,
because there wasn't a tribe.

00:11:32.291 --> 00:11:34.894
(choral music)

00:11:34.894 --> 00:11:38.864
(children chattering)

00:11:38.864 --> 00:11:41.367
- [Narrator] Kendra's birth
mother was born during the years

00:11:41.367 --> 00:11:44.236
when a lot of adoptions
had no paper trail.

00:11:45.271 --> 00:11:49.575
This generation of kids later
became known as lost birds,

00:11:49.575 --> 00:11:51.377
named after Lost Bird,

00:11:51.377 --> 00:11:54.413
a Lakota woman who was adopted
and raised by a general

00:11:54.413 --> 00:11:57.183
who massacred her family at Wounded Knee.

00:11:57.183 --> 00:12:00.319
♪ Having headaches, ♪

00:12:00.319 --> 00:12:03.756
♪ I am imitating Indians ♪

00:12:04.657 --> 00:12:08.461
- [Kendra] Because of
the politically gray area

00:12:08.461 --> 00:12:10.796
surrounding my adoption,

00:12:10.796 --> 00:12:13.799
(young Kendra singing)

00:12:13.799 --> 00:12:16.936
I understand they didn't
feel like it was safe

00:12:16.936 --> 00:12:19.805
to explain to a three-year-old.

00:12:20.973 --> 00:12:22.441
To be like, "Oh, you're Native,

00:12:22.441 --> 00:12:25.010
but we also don't know where from."

00:12:31.383 --> 00:12:33.953
But I am curious about ancestry

00:12:33.953 --> 00:12:35.955
and about how ancestry shapes us.

00:12:35.955 --> 00:12:39.759
Does anybody have any injuries
or special circumstances

00:12:39.759 --> 00:12:44.063
that we should chat about briefly?

00:12:44.063 --> 00:12:47.767
There's this desire to
be recognized as Native,

00:12:47.767 --> 00:12:49.268
but what is Native anymore?

00:12:51.103 --> 00:12:53.506
If you are a Native American person,

00:12:53.506 --> 00:12:54.907
living in an urban environment,

00:12:54.907 --> 00:12:58.544
who's never set foot on
any kind of reservation,

00:12:58.544 --> 00:13:00.846
knows nothing about your
culture and heritage,

00:13:03.549 --> 00:13:05.417
and I'm standing proud
in that Native-ness,

00:13:05.417 --> 00:13:07.520
but what is that Native-ness?

00:13:07.520 --> 00:13:08.387
I don't know.

00:13:09.588 --> 00:13:12.892
It's elusive, to me, what it is,

00:13:12.892 --> 00:13:14.360
and I would like to know what it is,

00:13:14.360 --> 00:13:16.629
so that I can try to possess it.

00:13:16.629 --> 00:13:19.865
Put your right leg back
behind you as far as you can.

00:13:19.865 --> 00:13:22.835
Exhale, step that right
foot between your hands.

00:13:22.835 --> 00:13:25.037
Lift your heart as you inhale.

00:13:25.037 --> 00:13:27.239
Exhale, step your left
foot up to meet your right.

00:13:27.239 --> 00:13:28.374
Fold over your legs.

00:13:28.374 --> 00:13:32.344
It's a crazy thing that I've
never seen my own blood.

00:13:33.746 --> 00:13:35.447
(ladies chattering indistinctly)

00:13:35.447 --> 00:13:37.283
- Okay. Now, I wanna
take you and your mama.

00:13:37.283 --> 00:13:38.350
- Yeah. Good idea.

00:13:38.350 --> 00:13:42.454
(ladies chattering indistinctly)

00:13:48.627 --> 00:13:53.632
♪ You must have been a beautiful baby ♪

00:13:54.166 --> 00:13:58.771
♪ You must have been a wonderful child ♪

00:13:59.972 --> 00:14:01.173
- [Guest] Who is this one from, Kendra?

00:14:01.173 --> 00:14:02.141
- My mom.

00:14:02.141 --> 00:14:04.610
(indistinct chatter)

00:14:04.610 --> 00:14:05.778
- But it's your handwriting

00:14:05.778 --> 00:14:07.880
and it says, "Kendra and Child."

00:14:07.880 --> 00:14:09.381
- [Guests] Aw!

00:14:09.381 --> 00:14:11.684
- [Guest] There's a box
of tissues in the kitchen.

00:14:11.684 --> 00:14:13.385
(guests laughing)

00:14:13.385 --> 00:14:14.920
- I can't fathom how somebody would go

00:14:14.920 --> 00:14:15.955
through this experience

00:14:15.955 --> 00:14:18.224
of feeling someone move inside of them

00:14:20.359 --> 00:14:21.460
and not be

00:14:25.965 --> 00:14:27.533
changed forever.

00:14:40.813 --> 00:14:43.549
Hey, Brooke. It's Kendra.

00:14:43.549 --> 00:14:47.586
I just got an email from
Lynn at Boys and Girls Aid,

00:14:47.586 --> 00:14:51.624
and the email says, "Your birth
mother, she just called me.

00:14:51.624 --> 00:14:53.125
She is so delighted to know

00:14:53.125 --> 00:14:56.128
that you made the decision to register.

00:14:56.128 --> 00:14:57.730
She agrees that starting your reunion

00:14:57.730 --> 00:15:00.799
through letters is a good idea."

00:15:00.799 --> 00:15:03.135
Oh, man. It's all happening!

00:15:14.446 --> 00:15:17.283
When I get really honest with myself,

00:15:17.283 --> 00:15:19.885
and the idea of meeting my birth mother,

00:15:21.754 --> 00:15:24.723
I'm terrified of what I might find.

00:15:32.731 --> 00:15:33.565
Blank?

00:15:41.540 --> 00:15:44.376
(Kendra laughing)

00:15:45.811 --> 00:15:48.480
(snow rustling)

00:15:52.985 --> 00:15:55.654
(phone chiming)

00:15:56.922 --> 00:15:57.756
Hello?

00:15:58.657 --> 00:16:00.392
- [April] Hi, Kendra. It's April.

00:16:00.392 --> 00:16:01.760
- Hi.

00:16:01.760 --> 00:16:02.594
- [April] Oh my god!

00:16:02.594 --> 00:16:03.429
- Oh my God!

00:16:03.429 --> 00:16:06.265
(Kendra laughing)

00:16:09.902 --> 00:16:13.472
Hi. (laughs)

00:16:13.472 --> 00:16:16.508
- [April] I wanted to
send a ton of pictures

00:16:18.877 --> 00:16:21.380
and I wanted to send
some of my dad's stuff,

00:16:21.380 --> 00:16:23.415
and I was like, "No."

00:16:23.415 --> 00:16:26.018
(April sobbing)

00:16:26.018 --> 00:16:27.686
I don't wanna overwhelm you.

00:16:29.288 --> 00:16:32.691
I just wanted you to know
that you're so loved.

00:16:32.691 --> 00:16:35.361
(April sobbing)

00:16:36.762 --> 00:16:40.299
You are the one thing that I did right

00:16:40.299 --> 00:16:41.533
(Kendra chuckling)

00:16:41.533 --> 00:16:43.669
for many, many, many years.

00:16:43.669 --> 00:16:46.438
You are the one thing that I did right,

00:16:46.438 --> 00:16:47.539
(Kendra sobbing)

00:16:47.539 --> 00:16:50.109
(both sobbing)

00:16:54.947 --> 00:16:56.882
and I'm just so honored

00:16:57.750 --> 00:17:01.020
that you came back just to let me know.

00:17:02.955 --> 00:17:06.158
- I'm gonna puke, I'm
gonna puke, I'm gonna puke.

00:17:06.158 --> 00:17:07.559
- [GPS Voice] Arrived at The Grotto.

00:17:07.559 --> 00:17:09.161
- I'm gonna puke, I'm
gonna puke, I'm gonna puke.

00:17:09.161 --> 00:17:13.098
I'm gonna puke, I'm gonna
puke, I'm gonna puke.

00:17:13.966 --> 00:17:16.902
(elevator beeping)

00:17:19.104 --> 00:17:20.873
- [Elevator Voice] The
green Grotto setting.

00:17:20.873 --> 00:17:23.475
To keep you reminded of the
presence of God and nature.

00:17:23.475 --> 00:17:25.644
The guardian chapel and artwork...

00:17:25.644 --> 00:17:27.079
- I don't want it to open.

00:17:27.079 --> 00:17:28.947
I feel really anxious.

00:17:28.947 --> 00:17:33.619
- [Elevator Voice] We're sure
you will enjoy your visit.

00:17:35.921 --> 00:17:38.991
(footsteps plodding)

00:17:43.695 --> 00:17:44.863
- [Kendra] Hi.

00:17:49.902 --> 00:17:54.306
(heartbeat thumping)

00:18:12.858 --> 00:18:14.626
(Kendra laughing)

00:18:14.626 --> 00:18:15.527
Hi.

00:18:15.527 --> 00:18:18.430
- [April] Hi.
(Kendra laughing)

00:18:18.430 --> 00:18:19.731
- I love your earrings.

00:18:19.731 --> 00:18:22.334
- [April] Aw, thank you.
(Kendra chuckling)

00:18:22.334 --> 00:18:25.170
It's really hard to wrap my mind around-

00:18:25.170 --> 00:18:28.707
- I know.

00:18:28.707 --> 00:18:30.576
- [April] I'm not getting it right now.

00:18:32.244 --> 00:18:33.078
(April sighs)

00:18:33.078 --> 00:18:34.646
- Yeah. I think it's too much.

00:18:37.349 --> 00:18:38.183
- [April] Yeah.

00:18:39.017 --> 00:18:42.554
- Mm-hmm. (chuckles)

00:18:42.554 --> 00:18:44.123
- I have a million questions.

00:18:44.123 --> 00:18:45.991
- [Kendra] Start. Let's go.

00:18:45.991 --> 00:18:47.025
Dive right in.

00:18:50.629 --> 00:18:53.732
(footsteps plodding)

00:18:55.868 --> 00:18:58.537
- [April] I never
allowed myself to believe

00:18:58.537 --> 00:19:01.106
that I would be able to meet Kendra.

00:19:01.106 --> 00:19:03.041
It was a closed adoption.

00:19:03.041 --> 00:19:05.611
Back then, it was all very hush-hush.

00:19:07.679 --> 00:19:12.084
I had spent my entire
pregnancy truly believing

00:19:12.084 --> 00:19:16.355
that, for whatever reason
that I cannot grasp,

00:19:16.355 --> 00:19:19.591
that Creator chose me

00:19:20.459 --> 00:19:23.896
to carry her for nine
months for her parents.

00:19:26.198 --> 00:19:27.533
- [Kendra] She's such a great lady.

00:19:27.533 --> 00:19:30.102
- I knew that I was not capable

00:19:31.904 --> 00:19:35.274
of doing anything but
bringing her to her parents.

00:19:37.242 --> 00:19:40.946
So then, when we contacted each other,

00:19:42.614 --> 00:19:43.916
I was scared.

00:19:45.384 --> 00:19:50.389
I was afraid that I would
create more questions for her

00:19:50.822 --> 00:19:52.391
than provide answers.

00:19:54.193 --> 00:19:57.196
You have not asked about your dad.

00:19:57.196 --> 00:19:59.831
- [Kendra] My birth father. It's coming.

00:19:59.831 --> 00:20:00.666
Yes, tell me about him.

00:20:00.666 --> 00:20:02.201
- I don't have much.

00:20:02.201 --> 00:20:04.036
I've not been able to find him.

00:20:04.036 --> 00:20:08.874
He was my first love.
I was in high school.

00:20:08.874 --> 00:20:11.343
I ran away from home to be with him,

00:20:12.911 --> 00:20:14.446
and I have looked for him.

00:20:20.152 --> 00:20:21.620
Do you smudge?

00:20:21.620 --> 00:20:22.854
- Yeah,

00:20:22.854 --> 00:20:24.890
but I don't think I do it right.

00:20:24.890 --> 00:20:25.791
(Kendra laughs)

00:20:25.791 --> 00:20:29.895
- Because, what I wanted
to ask you before,

00:20:29.895 --> 00:20:32.698
I brought my shell,

00:20:32.698 --> 00:20:34.299
and I brought smudge,
- Uh-huh.

00:20:34.299 --> 00:20:35.133
Uh-huh.

00:20:35.133 --> 00:20:38.203
and I brought some other stuff to mix,

00:20:38.203 --> 00:20:40.239
if you were okay-
- [Kendra] Yes.

00:20:40.239 --> 00:20:41.206
- with smudging.

00:20:41.206 --> 00:20:42.040
- [Kendra] Yes.

00:20:42.040 --> 00:20:44.743
- I just have my own,
what I've been taught.

00:20:44.743 --> 00:20:46.245
Not trying to portray myself

00:20:46.245 --> 00:20:48.947
as some great, big,
amazing Native American.

00:20:48.947 --> 00:20:49.881
- [Kendra] Understood.

00:20:49.881 --> 00:20:50.983
(both laugh)

00:20:50.983 --> 00:20:52.517
- But this was Dad's.

00:20:52.517 --> 00:20:54.886
This was my dad's, and I got it after,

00:20:58.056 --> 00:20:59.358
after he passed.

00:21:05.497 --> 00:21:07.733
Do you know about praying and offering to-

00:21:07.733 --> 00:21:11.103
- [Kendra] I know about
it, but I don't have any.

00:21:11.103 --> 00:21:11.937
Do you have some?

00:21:11.937 --> 00:21:13.105
- Yeah,
- [Kendra] Wow.

00:21:13.105 --> 00:21:14.773
- and that was Dad's.

00:21:16.041 --> 00:21:18.644
So, I've had that for 15 years.

00:21:18.644 --> 00:21:20.545
I don't even know if it's even open,

00:21:25.784 --> 00:21:27.219
but that's for you.

00:21:28.553 --> 00:21:31.390
That's for you to take, and then...

00:21:53.779 --> 00:21:56.548
(April chanting)

00:22:02.721 --> 00:22:05.023
I was adopted at birth.

00:22:05.023 --> 00:22:09.261
My birth mother's mother had really tried

00:22:09.261 --> 00:22:14.266
to erase any paper trail back
to her side of the family,

00:22:15.434 --> 00:22:19.237
and she did not want anyone to know

00:22:19.237 --> 00:22:22.474
that there was a Native American child

00:22:23.408 --> 00:22:25.043
that was connected to her family,

00:22:25.043 --> 00:22:29.414
so she had had the names changed
on the birth certificate.

00:22:29.414 --> 00:22:32.718
- [Narrator] April's mother was
white and an unwed teenager.

00:22:32.718 --> 00:22:35.287
She was pressured my April's grandmother

00:22:35.287 --> 00:22:36.955
to give her up for adoption

00:22:36.955 --> 00:22:38.890
because April's father was Native.

00:22:40.592 --> 00:22:43.795
- [April] My birth mother
spent the entire pregnancy

00:22:43.795 --> 00:22:45.464
hearing things like,

00:22:45.464 --> 00:22:49.301
"You've been ruined by Indian seed,"

00:22:51.169 --> 00:22:55.407
and because my adoptive
parents had no idea,

00:22:55.407 --> 00:22:57.809
I ended up with three
different birth certificates

00:22:57.809 --> 00:22:59.778
in my life, and two adoptions.

00:23:05.183 --> 00:23:08.420
There is a piece of me that
really loved my family,

00:23:08.420 --> 00:23:11.656
but at the same time, I
didn't look like anyone,

00:23:11.656 --> 00:23:13.759
I didn't think like any of them.

00:23:16.328 --> 00:23:21.333
I was a real wild card,
and there was abuse.

00:23:25.003 --> 00:23:27.472
I spent some years going to school

00:23:27.472 --> 00:23:32.477
with whipping marks on my legs, and...

00:23:45.056 --> 00:23:47.225
When I see that, I don't see myself.

00:23:47.225 --> 00:23:48.059
- [Kendra] No?

00:23:48.059 --> 00:23:49.194
- Mm-mm.

00:23:49.194 --> 00:23:50.162
No.

00:23:50.162 --> 00:23:54.533
But I have no memories
of any of that time.

00:23:54.533 --> 00:23:55.367
So, I look at it

00:23:55.367 --> 00:23:59.905
and it's like looking at
somebody else's little girl.

00:23:59.905 --> 00:24:01.540
- When do you have memories?

00:24:05.844 --> 00:24:07.045
- After I was nine.

00:24:07.879 --> 00:24:09.080
- Yeah?

00:24:09.080 --> 00:24:11.183
- I was constantly looking out here

00:24:11.183 --> 00:24:15.921
for something to fix that
hole that was inside,

00:24:15.921 --> 00:24:19.524
and, no matter where I reached,

00:24:19.524 --> 00:24:22.761
it always dissipated, and it didn't work.

00:24:22.761 --> 00:24:27.766
Until I started doing drugs and alcohol.

00:24:27.966 --> 00:24:29.668
- [Kendra] You're beautiful.

00:24:29.668 --> 00:24:32.938
So, where were you living at this time?

00:24:32.938 --> 00:24:34.072
- On the streets.

00:24:37.142 --> 00:24:38.376
- Just, like downtown?

00:24:39.644 --> 00:24:41.480
- Probably, yeah. Downtown.

00:24:46.284 --> 00:24:48.453
- From 15

00:24:48.453 --> 00:24:51.189
to 21,

00:24:51.189 --> 00:24:55.794
those were the years of
really hard drug usage

00:24:56.828 --> 00:24:58.196
and working the streets.

00:24:59.564 --> 00:25:02.467
The life that I was living
was not working at all.

00:25:04.002 --> 00:25:06.438
Not long after I got clean,

00:25:13.411 --> 00:25:15.447
I was raped for the last time,

00:25:15.447 --> 00:25:18.149
and that was the first time

00:25:18.149 --> 00:25:20.485
that that happened when I was sober,

00:25:20.485 --> 00:25:23.054
and when I was physically, mentally,

00:25:23.054 --> 00:25:24.823
and spiritually present.

00:25:25.957 --> 00:25:28.793
That sent me into a really hard tailspin

00:25:33.198 --> 00:25:36.434
that I struggled for the next 10 years.

00:25:36.434 --> 00:25:39.104
(siren wailing)

00:25:45.076 --> 00:25:48.046
(siren approaching)

00:25:50.115 --> 00:25:52.918
It was the dead set of
winter, it was snowing,

00:25:52.918 --> 00:25:56.488
but I couldn't sleep underneath
the fountain anymore.

00:25:56.488 --> 00:25:57.322
- [Kendra] 'Cause it was too cold.

00:25:57.322 --> 00:25:59.591
- It was too cold and
the water wasn't running,

00:26:00.759 --> 00:26:02.460
and so, out of desperation,

00:26:02.460 --> 00:26:03.695
because I didn't have money

00:26:03.695 --> 00:26:05.797
and I wasn't able to make money anymore

00:26:05.797 --> 00:26:08.199
because I was so sick,

00:26:09.901 --> 00:26:14.739
I came here, and in that
bathroom right there,

00:26:14.739 --> 00:26:17.342
is where the first night I sat up

00:26:17.342 --> 00:26:20.745
and kept hitting the hand
dryer all night to stay warm,

00:26:20.745 --> 00:26:23.748
'cause it's one of the heated hand dryers,

00:26:23.748 --> 00:26:26.818
and then the next day, I
couldn't move this arm,

00:26:26.818 --> 00:26:30.755
so, the next night I came here
and hit with the other hand,

00:26:30.755 --> 00:26:33.191
and then I couldn't move either arm.

00:26:33.191 --> 00:26:36.595
So then, the next night I
came and laid on my back,

00:26:36.595 --> 00:26:39.297
and I kicked it with one foot,

00:26:39.297 --> 00:26:41.499
and then came back the next night

00:26:41.499 --> 00:26:43.201
and kicked it with one foot.

00:26:44.336 --> 00:26:48.039
It was one of those moments, right?

00:26:48.039 --> 00:26:53.044
Where it was like, "Oh,
something's gotta give.

00:26:53.345 --> 00:26:55.046
Something's gotta change."

00:26:56.314 --> 00:26:58.617
- Did you not have, like, friends?

00:27:00.352 --> 00:27:01.186
None.

00:27:02.187 --> 00:27:03.521
- Not by that time. Mm-mm.

00:27:07.592 --> 00:27:12.597
I'm so far from who that was,

00:27:12.764 --> 00:27:13.698
- [Kendra] I mean, clearly.

00:27:15.800 --> 00:27:18.770
- [April] but I feel for her.

00:27:18.770 --> 00:27:19.604
Right?

00:27:21.239 --> 00:27:23.408
It's not even feelings for me.

00:27:24.843 --> 00:27:28.179
I see that part of me,
and I just wanna hug her,

00:27:28.179 --> 00:27:30.915
(April chuckles)

00:27:35.286 --> 00:27:39.791
and I'm so grateful you
weren't a part of any of that.

00:27:43.328 --> 00:27:45.997
(April sobbing)

00:27:50.802 --> 00:27:53.872
(indistinct chatter)

00:27:55.840 --> 00:27:56.775
- Hi.

00:27:56.775 --> 00:27:58.143
- Hi. Nice to meet you.

00:27:58.143 --> 00:27:59.411
- Pleased to meet you.

00:27:59.411 --> 00:28:00.378
- Nice to meet you

00:28:00.378 --> 00:28:01.212
- Nice to meet you, too.

00:28:01.212 --> 00:28:03.982
- [Kendra] Oh, thank you so much.

00:28:06.117 --> 00:28:07.252
Oh, right. I told you about that.

00:28:07.252 --> 00:28:08.086
- Yes.
- They didn't take me

00:28:08.086 --> 00:28:09.320
to the mall without covering me up.

00:28:09.320 --> 00:28:11.423
- [Dad] For a while. Yeah.
- [Mom] For a while.

00:28:11.423 --> 00:28:12.323
- Wow.

00:28:12.323 --> 00:28:15.260
- [Mom] He said, "Normally,
we don't adopt children

00:28:15.260 --> 00:28:16.227
close to their place of birth."

00:28:16.227 --> 00:28:17.395
- [Dad] At first. Yeah.

00:28:17.395 --> 00:28:18.463
- He said, "This is an exception."

00:28:18.463 --> 00:28:19.764
Kendra's three weeks old,

00:28:19.764 --> 00:28:21.700
pushes her feet into my mother's lap,

00:28:21.700 --> 00:28:23.101
and stands bolt upright.

00:28:23.101 --> 00:28:24.936
- [Dad] Yeah.
- At three weeks.

00:28:24.936 --> 00:28:25.770
And my mother says,

00:28:25.770 --> 00:28:27.005
"Oh, you're gonna have
trouble with this one.,

00:28:27.005 --> 00:28:29.674
(guys laughing)

00:28:29.674 --> 00:28:31.910
and she was just standing
there, and she was like,

00:28:31.910 --> 00:28:35.513
"I will control my head.
I will control my head."

00:28:36.748 --> 00:28:38.249
- [Kendra] I was really hoping

00:28:39.384 --> 00:28:41.453
that our child would take after Tyler

00:28:41.453 --> 00:28:44.289
in a lot of ways,
(man laughing)

00:28:44.289 --> 00:28:47.125
and I've been profoundly
grateful that she is who she is.

00:28:55.600 --> 00:28:59.204
- Cheep, cheep, cheep,
cheep, cheep, cheep.

00:29:00.171 --> 00:29:03.608
Cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep.

00:29:04.509 --> 00:29:05.677
- Cheep cheep.

00:29:08.046 --> 00:29:10.181
(footsteps thudding)

00:29:10.181 --> 00:29:12.550
I've fallen back into my life,

00:29:12.550 --> 00:29:14.352
and everything has changed

00:29:14.352 --> 00:29:16.154
and also nothing has changed at all.

00:29:20.959 --> 00:29:23.294
Which leaves me in this
really confusing space

00:29:23.294 --> 00:29:26.798
of not knowing.
(water rushing)

00:29:30.568 --> 00:29:31.669
I'm a wreck.

00:29:31.669 --> 00:29:32.904
There aren't very many slugs

00:29:32.904 --> 00:29:34.739
that I've seen around in Montana,

00:29:34.739 --> 00:29:37.976
but in Oregon, there's tons of them.

00:29:37.976 --> 00:29:39.444
- Where can I live?

00:29:39.444 --> 00:29:42.180
- [Kendra] Well, you can
live anywhere you like.

00:29:42.180 --> 00:29:43.081
- [Sukha] Where?

00:29:43.081 --> 00:29:46.017
- Well, I hope it's always
close to me, because I like you.

00:29:48.386 --> 00:29:49.387
To have never met anyone

00:29:49.387 --> 00:29:52.991
who has lived in those kinds of shoes,

00:29:52.991 --> 00:29:56.761
and then to know that within
those shoes was the womb

00:29:56.761 --> 00:29:58.196
in which I grew,

00:29:58.196 --> 00:30:00.799
it was such a heavy weekend, (laughs)

00:30:00.799 --> 00:30:03.201
and I was broken.

00:30:03.201 --> 00:30:05.870
I mean, I was really broken after it.

00:30:05.870 --> 00:30:07.772
I never felt like I needed a mother.

00:30:08.807 --> 00:30:10.108
I have a great mom.

00:30:11.676 --> 00:30:13.511
It's a relief that it doesn't feel

00:30:13.511 --> 00:30:15.780
like she wants to be a mom either.

00:30:22.854 --> 00:30:25.623
(birds chirping)

00:30:34.666 --> 00:30:39.637
(indistinct chatter)
(footsteps plodding)

00:30:40.605 --> 00:30:43.441
- Whoo! That wasn't so scary, huh.

00:30:44.442 --> 00:30:45.376
Good job.

00:30:47.045 --> 00:30:49.981
- [Kendra] You can have the
experience of birth. er...

00:30:49.981 --> 00:30:52.550
- By carrying a child,
but it's totally different

00:30:52.550 --> 00:30:55.053
to be committed to a child

00:30:55.053 --> 00:30:58.423
and being there day in and
day out and teaching them,

00:30:58.423 --> 00:31:00.325
and walking with them spiritually,

00:31:00.325 --> 00:31:02.927
and all of that is-

00:31:02.927 --> 00:31:07.732
- A vastly other level or different thing.

00:31:07.732 --> 00:31:09.701
I had this conversation with my parents

00:31:09.701 --> 00:31:11.703
when I was, like, seven months pregnant,

00:31:13.071 --> 00:31:14.305
and I was having a hard time,

00:31:14.305 --> 00:31:15.907
I did not enjoy my pregnancy.

00:31:15.907 --> 00:31:17.508
My mom, she was like, "What's happening?"

00:31:17.508 --> 00:31:20.011
And I was like, "I'm
scared. I'm really scared,"

00:31:20.011 --> 00:31:21.346
and she said, "Are you
scared about labor?"

00:31:21.346 --> 00:31:23.014
And I was like, "No.

00:31:23.014 --> 00:31:25.817
I'm scared that the baby's gonna come,

00:31:26.851 --> 00:31:28.586
and I'm not gonna love it.

00:31:31.689 --> 00:31:33.992
I know that the baby will come

00:31:33.992 --> 00:31:38.263
and I will take care of the baby,

00:31:39.130 --> 00:31:41.766
but, like, maybe I won't.

00:31:41.766 --> 00:31:44.502
That I'm not gonna
joyfully give of myself,

00:31:44.502 --> 00:31:47.505
I'll just give of myself
because I'm supposed to,"

00:31:47.505 --> 00:31:49.407
and she was like, "Don't be ridiculous,"

00:31:49.407 --> 00:31:50.241
and I said, "What do you mean?"

00:31:50.241 --> 00:31:51.476
And she was like,

00:31:51.476 --> 00:31:53.645
"Of course you're gonna love
your baby. It's your baby,"

00:31:53.645 --> 00:31:56.047
and I was like, "Mom. Please,"

00:31:56.047 --> 00:31:57.815
and she said, "What do you mean?"

00:31:57.815 --> 00:32:01.219
And I was like, "That was your experience.

00:32:01.219 --> 00:32:03.454
Not all parents love their kids,"

00:32:03.454 --> 00:32:05.056
and she was like, "What?"

00:32:05.056 --> 00:32:06.925
And I was like, "I'm feeling scared!"

00:32:06.925 --> 00:32:07.759
(both laugh)

00:32:07.759 --> 00:32:08.993
"I might not love my baby."

00:32:08.993 --> 00:32:10.194
(both laughing)

00:32:10.194 --> 00:32:11.529
And my mom was like, "Okay.

00:32:12.897 --> 00:32:16.801
If that happens, if you have this baby,

00:32:16.801 --> 00:32:21.472
and you don't feel that love,

00:32:24.275 --> 00:32:28.413
then, I will be there,
and I will love that baby,

00:32:29.447 --> 00:32:31.149
and I will love that baby enough,"

00:32:32.250 --> 00:32:34.085
and I was like, "Oh, mom.

00:32:34.085 --> 00:32:35.253
Yeah, you will. Okay."

00:32:35.253 --> 00:32:37.889
(Kendra chuckles)

00:32:37.889 --> 00:32:38.823
Here we go.

00:32:39.891 --> 00:32:44.896
(Kendra laughing)
(Sukha laughing excitedly)

00:32:44.996 --> 00:32:47.765
(April laughing)

00:32:50.969 --> 00:32:54.105
(gentle guitar music)

00:32:55.573 --> 00:32:57.575
- You like popcorn? Yeah?

00:32:57.575 --> 00:33:02.347
(indistinct chatter)
(gentle guitar music)

00:33:02.347 --> 00:33:03.948
(baby cooing)

00:33:03.948 --> 00:33:05.516
- [Man] Feels great.

00:33:05.516 --> 00:33:06.351
- [April] Hey. Snake.

00:33:06.351 --> 00:33:08.186
I have a snake. Does that bother you?

00:33:09.320 --> 00:33:10.421
- [Man] If it bites me.

00:33:10.421 --> 00:33:11.756
- [April] Okay.

00:33:11.756 --> 00:33:13.624
- Mark, set, go.

00:33:13.624 --> 00:33:15.159
I got you. I got you.

00:33:15.159 --> 00:33:16.361
(man laughing)
No.

00:33:16.361 --> 00:33:17.462
It don't work like that.

00:33:17.462 --> 00:33:22.200
- At six years clean, I got two letters.

00:33:22.200 --> 00:33:23.835
One was from my birth mother

00:33:23.835 --> 00:33:26.070
and one was from my birth father.

00:33:26.070 --> 00:33:28.806
Chas-das-ska-dum's
letter started out with,

00:33:28.806 --> 00:33:33.811
"I hope this talking paper
finds you in a good place.

00:33:33.845 --> 00:33:37.281
My name is Cha-das-ska-dum Wich-ta-lum.

00:33:37.281 --> 00:33:40.952
The mountains call the name of
Cha-das-ska-dum Wich-ta-lum,"

00:33:40.952 --> 00:33:43.154
and I'm reading this and going,

00:33:43.154 --> 00:33:44.455
(Kendra laughing)

00:33:44.455 --> 00:33:46.524
"What the hell is this?" Right?

00:33:48.026 --> 00:33:51.362
(drumming, chanting music)

00:33:53.364 --> 00:33:56.234
"I come from the Lummi Nation,"

00:33:56.234 --> 00:33:58.669
(drumming, chanting music continues)

00:33:58.669 --> 00:34:00.705
and all of a sudden, it says,

00:34:00.705 --> 00:34:03.441
(music continues)

00:34:03.441 --> 00:34:05.410
"I believe I am your father."

00:34:08.346 --> 00:34:09.747
And here I was,

00:34:11.049 --> 00:34:12.483
this young woman,

00:34:12.483 --> 00:34:15.953
that had been fatherless my whole life,

00:34:17.789 --> 00:34:19.657
and all of a sudden,

00:34:19.657 --> 00:34:21.559
here's this man

00:34:21.559 --> 00:34:25.596
that was saying that he had
never stopped looking for me,

00:34:25.596 --> 00:34:28.332
that he'd never, ever gone a day

00:34:28.332 --> 00:34:30.134
without looking for me.

00:34:34.505 --> 00:34:35.740
Two weeks later,

00:34:35.740 --> 00:34:39.944
one of my ex-boyfriends
drove me up to Bellingham.

00:34:39.944 --> 00:34:42.413
Showed up at 2:30 in the morning,

00:34:42.413 --> 00:34:46.117
and then my dad showed up the
next morning with my brother.

00:34:46.117 --> 00:34:48.553
He came with a lot of salmon,

00:34:48.553 --> 00:34:53.558
and he was wearing his ribbon
shirt, dressed to the nines.

00:34:53.858 --> 00:34:55.326
Tears of gratitude,

00:34:57.028 --> 00:34:58.429
and the first thing he did,

00:34:58.429 --> 00:34:59.430
he was like, 6'4",

00:35:00.431 --> 00:35:02.266
385 pounds,

00:35:02.266 --> 00:35:05.036
just this huge, barrel-chested man,

00:35:05.036 --> 00:35:08.506
and he walked up, and before
he said anything to me,

00:35:08.506 --> 00:35:10.808
he took his left hand

00:35:10.808 --> 00:35:14.846
and he swiped me down
from shoulder to hip.

00:35:16.380 --> 00:35:18.816
I was totally freaked out, PTSD,

00:35:21.152 --> 00:35:24.222
and then he explained
that he was claiming me,

00:35:24.222 --> 00:35:26.657
and that, it was like a bear paw,

00:35:30.394 --> 00:35:33.231
and my brother hugged me and said,

00:35:35.533 --> 00:35:36.934
"Welcome home.

00:35:39.604 --> 00:35:44.475
We've been looking for you my whole life.

00:35:46.511 --> 00:35:48.579
You don't need to search anymore."

00:35:48.579 --> 00:35:51.682
(indistinct chatter)

00:35:54.051 --> 00:35:55.653
- [April] We got to the reservation,

00:35:55.653 --> 00:35:58.990
and there were 300 people.

00:36:01.025 --> 00:36:04.495
What I didn't know is that
it was a family pow wow,

00:36:04.495 --> 00:36:07.832
(drumming, chanting music)

00:36:09.800 --> 00:36:11.903
and there were all these tables of food,

00:36:11.903 --> 00:36:13.538
so, in my mind, "Oh my gosh.

00:36:13.538 --> 00:36:16.407
They all brought this Indian food

00:36:16.407 --> 00:36:19.277
to celebrate my existence!"

00:36:19.277 --> 00:36:22.313
For the little girl that
didn't belong, that was

00:36:24.081 --> 00:36:25.116
amazing.

00:36:27.685 --> 00:36:29.720
At one point, I looked at him,

00:36:29.720 --> 00:36:33.724
and I said, "Dad, who is that man?"

00:36:33.724 --> 00:36:37.128
'Cause there were all
these gorgeous young men

00:36:38.296 --> 00:36:39.497
at this pow wow,

00:36:39.497 --> 00:36:41.899
and he would say, "Mm,"

00:36:43.100 --> 00:36:44.435
and he would point with his lips.

00:36:44.435 --> 00:36:47.071
I learned later, you
don't point, so he goes,

00:36:47.071 --> 00:36:50.408
"Mm. That's a relative,"

00:36:50.408 --> 00:36:51.609
and I'd go, "Ugh."

00:36:51.609 --> 00:36:52.543
(Kendra laughs)

00:36:52.543 --> 00:36:54.245
- "Dad, Dad, Dad, who's that?"

00:36:54.245 --> 00:36:55.446
And he'd go, "No, no, no, no,"

00:36:55.446 --> 00:36:57.615
and I'd say, "Okay, who is that?"

00:36:57.615 --> 00:37:00.318
And he would say, "Oh,
that's another relative,"

00:37:00.318 --> 00:37:02.186
and he did that for half of the day,

00:37:02.186 --> 00:37:05.256
and I'm finally like,
"Who is not a relative?"

00:37:05.256 --> 00:37:08.426
And he's like, "The ugly ones."

00:37:08.426 --> 00:37:10.995
I was like, "Oh my gosh."

00:37:13.064 --> 00:37:16.467
And then, August 17th
of 2000, my dad died.

00:37:20.238 --> 00:37:23.674
(birds chirping faintly)

00:37:28.012 --> 00:37:31.983
(Cha-das-ska-dum drumming and chanting)

00:37:31.983 --> 00:37:35.286
My dad did a lot of music.

00:37:35.286 --> 00:37:40.291
They were gonna be releasing
a CD that year that was Dad's,

00:37:40.958 --> 00:37:44.128
and Dad had wanted me to...

00:37:44.128 --> 00:37:46.297
he wanted he and I to sing together,

00:37:46.297 --> 00:37:49.133
so they came to me after Dad passed,

00:37:49.133 --> 00:37:52.937
and they asked me if I
would lay tracks on the CD.

00:37:55.439 --> 00:37:57.341
There were some members of my family

00:37:57.341 --> 00:38:01.078
that really, really had
a hard time with that.

00:38:01.078 --> 00:38:03.748
(water rushing)

00:38:05.683 --> 00:38:07.218
(April drumming and chanting)

00:38:07.218 --> 00:38:10.588
I think what happened is that
there were some traditions

00:38:10.588 --> 00:38:13.090
that might have been broken,

00:38:13.090 --> 00:38:17.695
so there were some members
of the family that picketed

00:38:17.695 --> 00:38:19.797
when we had the CD release party,

00:38:19.797 --> 00:38:21.565
and so, that was really hard.

00:38:23.701 --> 00:38:26.370
Then there were times
when I would go back,

00:38:28.005 --> 00:38:30.341
but it just wasn't the same.

00:38:32.109 --> 00:38:37.114
(Chanting, drumming continues)
(water rippling)

00:38:40.084 --> 00:38:42.820
It's taken a long time for me

00:38:42.820 --> 00:38:46.223
to believe that I belong places.

00:38:47.858 --> 00:38:51.162
(music continues)
(water rippling)

00:38:51.162 --> 00:38:55.566
You know, when someone
says, "You are Lummi,"

00:38:55.566 --> 00:38:57.301
I can't wrap my mind around that.

00:38:57.301 --> 00:38:59.270
I don't know what that means.

00:39:00.438 --> 00:39:03.074
I don't know what that means.

00:39:03.074 --> 00:39:06.911
What I know is that I'm
Cha-das-ska-dum's daughter.

00:39:06.911 --> 00:39:09.914
(melancholic music)

00:39:30.334 --> 00:39:32.236
- [Kendra] We started
on this little journey

00:39:32.236 --> 00:39:33.771
with this film project,

00:39:33.771 --> 00:39:35.206
and there have been times

00:39:35.206 --> 00:39:38.342
that making this documentary was so hard.

00:39:38.342 --> 00:39:40.544
It's been really hard, emotionally.

00:39:40.544 --> 00:39:42.713
Just the journey of
finding the birth mother

00:39:42.713 --> 00:39:44.815
and finding the family and
moving in these directions,

00:39:44.815 --> 00:39:46.083
and there definitely would have been times

00:39:46.083 --> 00:39:48.219
that I would have stopped,

00:39:48.219 --> 00:39:51.122
but because I had
committed to this project,

00:39:51.122 --> 00:39:52.823
I continued going,

00:39:52.823 --> 00:39:55.393
but it's strangely a part
of the process for me.

00:39:55.393 --> 00:39:58.362
I mean, it's very much
a part of my journey

00:39:58.362 --> 00:39:59.563
of finding out who I am,

00:40:00.731 --> 00:40:01.732
is this,

00:40:03.134 --> 00:40:06.804
the cameras and the telling it.

00:40:06.804 --> 00:40:09.940
- [Narrator] This is when I
start to become uncomfortable

00:40:09.940 --> 00:40:11.942
with my role as the filmmaker.

00:40:12.943 --> 00:40:16.147
I realized how much I've
projected my own desire

00:40:16.147 --> 00:40:18.416
for Kendra to connect
to her Native people.

00:40:19.283 --> 00:40:20.985
I wonder what she would do

00:40:20.985 --> 00:40:24.422
without the pressure of my
camera to tell her story,

00:40:24.422 --> 00:40:28.392
but she's committed to
doing it, despite her fear,

00:40:28.392 --> 00:40:31.195
and I'm not entirely sure why.

00:40:31.195 --> 00:40:32.863
- [Sukha] Come back.

00:40:34.331 --> 00:40:36.500
- [April] Look at this.

00:40:36.500 --> 00:40:38.769
- [Kendra] Oh, my goodness.

00:40:43.040 --> 00:40:46.377
- [Sukha] Horsie Halloween is coming up.

00:40:47.578 --> 00:40:51.215
- [Kendra] We are looking for a man

00:40:51.215 --> 00:40:54.051
named Cha-das-ska-dum Wich-ta-lum.

00:40:55.719 --> 00:40:57.922
- [Sukha] Mama.
- [Kendra] Or Kenny Cooper.

00:41:03.828 --> 00:41:06.263
Who's this?

00:41:06.263 --> 00:41:07.198
That's him.

00:41:08.933 --> 00:41:12.770
His body was what helped to make April,

00:41:12.770 --> 00:41:16.006
and her body helped to make me,

00:41:16.006 --> 00:41:17.341
my body helped to make you.

00:41:17.341 --> 00:41:21.111
So, he would be your

00:41:23.080 --> 00:41:25.216
great-grandfather.

00:41:26.183 --> 00:41:27.785
- So, where is he?

00:41:28.719 --> 00:41:31.856
- Well, he is not in his body anymore.

00:41:31.856 --> 00:41:33.057
- Why?

00:41:33.057 --> 00:41:34.625
- Because, baby, he died.

00:41:38.229 --> 00:41:39.230
- Well then,

00:41:41.932 --> 00:41:44.134
but I'm still thirsty.

00:41:44.134 --> 00:41:45.436
(Kendra laughs)

00:41:45.436 --> 00:41:46.804
- But you're still thirsty?

00:41:47.972 --> 00:41:50.908
- It's interesting to listen to Kendra

00:41:50.908 --> 00:41:52.643
when she talks to Sukha,

00:41:52.643 --> 00:41:54.445
because it reminds me of Dad.

00:41:58.549 --> 00:41:59.383
- [Kendra] Uh-uh, uh-uh.

00:41:59.383 --> 00:42:02.620
Baby, that's not for
us. That's not for us.

00:42:02.620 --> 00:42:05.956
(chanting, drumming music)

00:42:14.064 --> 00:42:16.767
- [Man] We are the Lhaq'temish people,

00:42:16.767 --> 00:42:18.669
and we need to come up with a plan

00:42:18.669 --> 00:42:22.506
to identify ourselves as the Lhaq'temish,

00:42:22.506 --> 00:42:24.408
as the survivors, as the people.

00:42:26.176 --> 00:42:27.311
(man speaking Lhaq'temish)

00:42:27.311 --> 00:42:30.447
and that means, "I am a
survivor of the great flood."

00:42:31.415 --> 00:42:34.251
This song is the national
anthem of the Lummi Nation.

00:42:35.853 --> 00:42:39.156
(drumming, chanting music)

00:43:05.649 --> 00:43:06.483
- I'm really surprised

00:43:06.483 --> 00:43:09.954
that your grandfather
doesn't have something

00:43:09.954 --> 00:43:12.056
to leave for you.

00:43:12.056 --> 00:43:16.093
- [Kendra] Well, I don't
know if he knew about me.

00:43:16.093 --> 00:43:17.561
- Oh, really?

00:43:17.561 --> 00:43:18.762
- I mean, maybe he did,

00:43:20.464 --> 00:43:23.167
because his daughter,

00:43:23.167 --> 00:43:27.538
my mother, was also adopted out.

00:43:32.843 --> 00:43:36.614
When I was born, she didn't
know him and he didn't.

00:43:36.614 --> 00:43:38.282
- [Man] Okay.

00:43:38.282 --> 00:43:40.985
- Yeah. So, I'm learning.

00:43:40.985 --> 00:43:43.053
I was Kenny Cooper's granddaughter.

00:43:43.053 --> 00:43:44.655
- Oh, really?

00:43:44.655 --> 00:43:47.024
Your grandfather married my aunt.

00:43:47.024 --> 00:43:48.425
- Who's your aunt?
- My Aunt, Willy.

00:43:48.425 --> 00:43:49.893
- Oh, yes. Yes.
- Yeah.

00:43:49.893 --> 00:43:50.995
She would have been...

00:43:52.229 --> 00:43:53.130
- [Kendra] It's so confusing.

00:43:53.130 --> 00:43:56.533
Everybody's cousins and aunties. (laughs)

00:43:56.533 --> 00:43:59.937
- She would have been my
mother's aunt, my grand-aunt.

00:43:59.937 --> 00:44:01.038
- [Kendra] Okay.

00:44:01.038 --> 00:44:03.007
- Originally, when she
was married to my uncle,

00:44:03.007 --> 00:44:07.111
'cause my uncle was my
grandmother's brother.

00:44:08.012 --> 00:44:09.413
I know, you have to draw it all out.

00:44:09.413 --> 00:44:11.515
You'll have to stop up there.

00:44:11.515 --> 00:44:13.150
- I mean, but I can't
just go knock on the door.

00:44:13.150 --> 00:44:14.018
- Yes, you can.

00:44:14.018 --> 00:44:14.852
- Really?

00:44:14.852 --> 00:44:16.220
- Yes. Yes, you can.

00:44:16.220 --> 00:44:17.054
He would love it.

00:44:17.054 --> 00:44:18.088
- That seems so strange.

00:44:18.088 --> 00:44:20.090
- Tell him Kristen said to stop by.

00:44:20.090 --> 00:44:21.825
- Okay, are you my cousin too? (laughs)

00:44:21.825 --> 00:44:22.660
Who's Nicole?

00:44:22.660 --> 00:44:23.627
- Yes, I am. Hi, Kendra.
- Hi, Nicole.

00:44:23.627 --> 00:44:24.795
- Nice to meet you.
- I'm Kendra.

00:44:24.795 --> 00:44:26.063
It's nice to meet you.

00:44:26.063 --> 00:44:27.364
Hi, Jackie.

00:44:27.364 --> 00:44:28.699
- Welcome home.

00:44:28.699 --> 00:44:31.101
- [Kendra] Thank you so much.

00:44:32.202 --> 00:44:34.672
- I hope you had a good
life, though. Did you?

00:44:34.672 --> 00:44:36.907
- Thank you so much for asking. Yeah.

00:44:38.509 --> 00:44:39.677
- That's good.

00:44:41.645 --> 00:44:43.247
I wouldn't even imagine.

00:44:46.050 --> 00:44:46.884
- Yeah.

00:44:46.884 --> 00:44:49.219
- But I can see some of a resemblance.

00:44:49.219 --> 00:44:50.054
- Can you?

00:44:50.054 --> 00:44:50.954
- Yes,

00:44:55.392 --> 00:44:59.763
because my dad and your grandmother
were brother and sister.

00:44:59.763 --> 00:45:00.698
- [April] Cheyanne!

00:45:04.034 --> 00:45:04.902
- Hi.

00:45:04.902 --> 00:45:06.170
- [Cheyanne] Hello.

00:45:06.170 --> 00:45:07.104
- I'm Kendra.

00:45:07.104 --> 00:45:07.938
- I'm Cheyanne.

00:45:07.938 --> 00:45:09.573
- It's so nice to meet you.

00:45:09.573 --> 00:45:11.075
- [Cheyanne] Nice to meet you.

00:45:12.309 --> 00:45:13.277
You look a lot like your mom.

00:45:13.277 --> 00:45:14.812
- Yeah, it's weird, right?

00:45:15.679 --> 00:45:17.047
- And she looks a lot like my dad all day.

00:45:17.047 --> 00:45:19.450
(Kendra chuckles)

00:45:19.450 --> 00:45:21.118
- An old, old elder.

00:45:22.086 --> 00:45:24.555
- [Man] Cousin. Wonderful.

00:45:24.555 --> 00:45:28.759
- Is an elder just
anyone who's a grown-up?

00:45:28.759 --> 00:45:30.427
(ladies laughing)

00:45:30.427 --> 00:45:31.261
- [Woman] Elders.

00:45:31.261 --> 00:45:34.264
- [Kendra] (laughing) Or is it about...

00:45:34.264 --> 00:45:37.468
Do you have to be traditional?

00:45:37.468 --> 00:45:39.369
- [Woman] Traditional? No.

00:45:39.369 --> 00:45:41.004
Every family's a little bit different

00:45:41.004 --> 00:45:43.640
when it comes to their
traditions and culture.

00:45:44.808 --> 00:45:45.642
- I wanna meet someone

00:45:45.642 --> 00:45:48.312
that I can just ask all the questions.

00:45:48.312 --> 00:45:52.182
It feels like everybody has
what they wanna tell me,

00:45:52.182 --> 00:45:54.885
and I should probably just
be quiet and let them...

00:45:54.885 --> 00:45:56.220
Well, not quiet,

00:45:56.220 --> 00:46:01.191
but let them tell me
what they wanna tell me,

00:46:01.191 --> 00:46:02.860
and glean information that way,

00:46:02.860 --> 00:46:07.331
but I wanted to be like,
"Just hold up a sec."

00:46:10.834 --> 00:46:13.804
I'm out of my element. (laughs)

00:46:13.804 --> 00:46:17.007
Yeah, it's been really
a beautiful experience,

00:46:17.007 --> 00:46:18.776
and it's also been interesting

00:46:18.776 --> 00:46:21.545
because my parents are wonderful.

00:46:21.545 --> 00:46:23.113
My adoptive parents are phenomenal.

00:46:23.113 --> 00:46:24.581
I had a great childhood.

00:46:24.581 --> 00:46:29.553
It's not from a void of being loved

00:46:34.525 --> 00:46:36.293
or being a part of a family.

00:46:36.293 --> 00:46:37.494
They're fantastic.

00:46:39.730 --> 00:46:44.234
My question is, why the Indian
name and the English name?

00:46:45.335 --> 00:46:46.370
Why the two names?

00:46:46.370 --> 00:46:49.907
Why not just give the
children Indian names

00:46:49.907 --> 00:46:51.642
when they're born?
- You can. You can.

00:46:51.642 --> 00:46:52.609
- You can?

00:46:52.609 --> 00:46:53.911
- Yeah.

00:46:53.911 --> 00:46:55.879
- [Woman] Our language was taken away.

00:46:55.879 --> 00:46:59.783
They put our ancestors, part
of my great-grandparents,

00:46:59.783 --> 00:47:01.685
they put them into boarding schools.

00:47:01.685 --> 00:47:03.520
They took everything away from them.

00:47:03.520 --> 00:47:05.255
That's when their names were taken away,

00:47:05.255 --> 00:47:06.924
and they were given English names.

00:47:06.924 --> 00:47:10.160
For the past probably 40 years,

00:47:10.160 --> 00:47:11.795
- Yeah.
- we've had to research

00:47:11.795 --> 00:47:12.663
and bring them back,

00:47:12.663 --> 00:47:15.465
and that's what Uncle Cha-das-ska-dum did.

00:47:15.465 --> 00:47:17.334
- This was so wonderful.

00:47:17.334 --> 00:47:18.702
Now you know where I live,

00:47:18.702 --> 00:47:21.271
and you know how to get here.
- [Kendra] Yes I do.

00:47:21.271 --> 00:47:23.140
People were so welcoming.

00:47:23.140 --> 00:47:24.608
Like, hugging me and crying,

00:47:24.608 --> 00:47:28.478
and saying how important
it was that I was back,

00:47:28.478 --> 00:47:31.381
and how grateful it was that I was back,

00:47:31.381 --> 00:47:33.851
but there was also something
about, "You're back,"

00:47:33.851 --> 00:47:36.653
that implied that I was staying.

00:47:37.754 --> 00:47:40.757
For me, I thought, "I'm meeting people,"

00:47:40.757 --> 00:47:44.494
and for them, they thought,
"This is the beginning of...

00:47:44.494 --> 00:47:48.198
We're meeting a relative who's
now a part of this family."

00:47:48.198 --> 00:47:50.834
(music in the background)

00:47:50.834 --> 00:47:52.069
I wanted to be a tourist,

00:47:52.069 --> 00:47:54.171
and kind of just quietly observe.

00:48:06.149 --> 00:48:09.486
(background and on camera music)

00:48:13.090 --> 00:48:15.726
- [Tyler] It's easy to think
of this sort of past idea

00:48:15.726 --> 00:48:18.595
of Native people, but the
people are still going.

00:48:20.063 --> 00:48:21.098
They're here, you know?

00:48:21.098 --> 00:48:22.599
And they're in a modern world.

00:48:23.967 --> 00:48:26.603
I don't really feel a
connection to any sort of past.

00:48:27.471 --> 00:48:28.906
It's just the way we were brought up.

00:48:28.906 --> 00:48:31.808
It's hard to feel like there's
any history behind America.

00:48:36.280 --> 00:48:39.383
- There's no resource more important

00:48:39.383 --> 00:48:43.153
to the continued existence
of American Indian tribes

00:48:43.153 --> 00:48:44.154
than their children.

00:48:45.589 --> 00:48:50.594
Your citizens are vital to
your continuation as a people.

00:48:50.761 --> 00:48:54.965
So, this is about whether or
not tribes are gonna exist

00:48:56.533 --> 00:48:58.068
or not, into the future.

00:49:01.438 --> 00:49:04.174
(crowd cheering)

00:49:07.311 --> 00:49:08.679
(woman cheering)

00:49:08.679 --> 00:49:11.415
(crowd cheering)

00:49:13.984 --> 00:49:16.286
- [Kendra] When I was adopted,

00:49:16.286 --> 00:49:20.223
my mom says, the agency had said to her,

00:49:20.223 --> 00:49:23.794
"Be careful. If someone
saw her and was like,

00:49:23.794 --> 00:49:26.263
'That's a Native baby.

00:49:26.263 --> 00:49:28.632
You're white. You shouldn't have her.'"

00:49:28.632 --> 00:49:31.168
She was terrified someone
was gonna try to take me.

00:49:32.035 --> 00:49:35.105
(indistinct chatter)

00:49:36.139 --> 00:49:39.977
Did you guys ever consider our adoption

00:49:39.977 --> 00:49:42.279
to be a transracial adoption?

00:49:42.279 --> 00:49:43.113
- No.

00:49:43.113 --> 00:49:44.081
- No, it was okay

00:49:44.081 --> 00:49:45.215
- Not at all.

00:49:45.215 --> 00:49:46.984
Not even for a second.
- Not at that time.

00:49:48.785 --> 00:49:50.887
We were just desperate to have a family.

00:49:51.989 --> 00:49:53.724
- [Mom] And we really didn't...

00:49:54.725 --> 00:49:56.493
Because they had put the Native thing

00:49:56.493 --> 00:49:58.362
in such tentative terms with us,

00:49:58.362 --> 00:49:59.262
- [Dad] Yeah. Yeah.

00:49:59.262 --> 00:50:03.433
- [Mom] they didn't say,
"This is a Native child."

00:50:03.433 --> 00:50:06.870
They said, "This is a child
whose one parent is not,

00:50:06.870 --> 00:50:08.338
and one parent may be."

00:50:08.338 --> 00:50:10.574
- I was kind of hoping we
wouldn't be sharing her,

00:50:10.574 --> 00:50:13.143
if you were, at a very young age,

00:50:13.143 --> 00:50:17.781
with another family or any
other group, if you will.

00:50:17.781 --> 00:50:19.282
- [Kids] One, two.

00:50:20.250 --> 00:50:21.918
Dad? Dad?

00:50:21.918 --> 00:50:23.453
- This is your daughter.
- Okay. Ready?

00:50:23.453 --> 00:50:26.323
One, two, three, go.

00:50:26.323 --> 00:50:28.959
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪

00:50:28.959 --> 00:50:31.528
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪

00:50:31.528 --> 00:50:36.533
♪ We wish you a merry
Christmas and happy New Year ♪

00:50:37.200 --> 00:50:41.038
- I'm appalled, that I've known for years

00:50:41.038 --> 00:50:43.640
about what the Indian schools did

00:50:43.640 --> 00:50:45.542
and how they did it,
and how brutal it was,

00:50:45.542 --> 00:50:50.547
and that it was clearly an
attempt to destroy the Nations.

00:50:51.014 --> 00:50:52.716
Kill the culture-
- They were "savages."

00:50:52.716 --> 00:50:53.950
- Kill the culture by taking the children.

00:50:56.286 --> 00:50:57.154
And I get that.

00:50:58.155 --> 00:50:59.022
- Making macaroni.

00:51:00.357 --> 00:51:02.559
- [Mom] I've never
equated Kendra with that.

00:51:04.828 --> 00:51:08.165
(drumming, chanting music)

00:51:14.304 --> 00:51:17.441
- [Terry] This past that
we were talking about,

00:51:17.441 --> 00:51:19.643
there's so much historic trauma,

00:51:19.643 --> 00:51:22.913
so much disruption of families,

00:51:22.913 --> 00:51:26.383
that the consequences of that are seen

00:51:26.383 --> 00:51:30.854
in the current disproportionate
number of suicides

00:51:30.854 --> 00:51:34.324
and child maltreatment,
particularly neglect,

00:51:34.324 --> 00:51:36.093
and high rates of substance abuse.

00:51:37.227 --> 00:51:41.131
We're not bad people or sick people.

00:51:41.131 --> 00:51:43.433
We are people that
terrible things happened to

00:51:43.433 --> 00:51:46.103
and we are in a recovery process.

00:51:49.940 --> 00:51:53.610
- [April] I think there's
generational stuff that happens.

00:51:53.610 --> 00:51:56.313
Things that are handed down emotionally,

00:51:56.313 --> 00:51:58.949
physically, spiritually.

00:51:58.949 --> 00:52:00.517
- [Sukha] You will keep me safe?

00:52:00.517 --> 00:52:02.552
- I will always keep you safe.

00:52:02.552 --> 00:52:03.620
- [Sukha] From the cars?

00:52:03.620 --> 00:52:05.122
- [Kendra] From everything.

00:52:05.122 --> 00:52:06.356
- [April] She was not raised

00:52:06.356 --> 00:52:08.191
in the same way that I was raised,

00:52:08.191 --> 00:52:12.929
and she's parenting from a
completely different place

00:52:12.929 --> 00:52:15.465
than I would have with her.

00:52:17.033 --> 00:52:21.705
I look at Sukha as this
amazing little spirit

00:52:22.639 --> 00:52:27.644
that is completely separated
from some of the darkness,

00:52:31.915 --> 00:52:34.518
and at the same time,

00:52:34.518 --> 00:52:39.523
I know how healing it was for
me to come back to my tribe,

00:52:41.291 --> 00:52:43.960
and so, my prayer right now

00:52:43.960 --> 00:52:48.365
is that that will be a very
healing peace for her as well,

00:52:48.365 --> 00:52:51.868
and that that healing
will transfer to Sukha.

00:52:53.837 --> 00:52:57.007
(children chattering)

00:52:58.108 --> 00:53:00.544
- [Woman] Your ancestors are here.

00:53:00.544 --> 00:53:01.845
They led you here.

00:53:03.079 --> 00:53:04.247
They led you here.

00:53:04.247 --> 00:53:06.850
Now you can come home anytime now.

00:53:07.951 --> 00:53:08.785
Okay?
- Thank you.

00:53:08.785 --> 00:53:09.619
- Yeah.

00:53:16.259 --> 00:53:18.295
- It's overwhelming,

00:53:21.998 --> 00:53:26.102
but it's been really beautiful.

00:53:26.937 --> 00:53:29.239
People have been so kind.

00:53:29.239 --> 00:53:30.574
- [Woman] Yeah?

00:53:30.574 --> 00:53:32.475
- I've been really touched by...

00:53:34.511 --> 00:53:37.347
Most of the relatives that
I have met say, "I love you.

00:53:37.347 --> 00:53:39.149
I don't know you but I love you,"

00:53:42.085 --> 00:53:43.753
which feels pretty incredible.

00:53:48.291 --> 00:53:50.594
- [Woman] Don't be ashamed
of who you are now.

00:53:52.329 --> 00:53:55.365
(Chas-das-ska-dum speaking
in foreign language)

00:53:55.365 --> 00:53:57.934
- [Chas-das-ska-dum] I have
been to the land of the angels

00:53:57.934 --> 00:53:59.636
and I have returned.

00:53:59.636 --> 00:54:01.605
(Chas-das-ska-dum speaking
in foreign language)

00:54:01.605 --> 00:54:03.773
I have come back to
finish making my tracks,

00:54:05.108 --> 00:54:07.043
with (indistinct) of my family.

00:54:07.043 --> 00:54:09.779
(drums playing)

00:54:56.993 --> 00:55:00.964
- Being Lummi, part of that is also, then,

00:55:00.964 --> 00:55:04.968
owning that this is what
has happened to my people.

00:55:09.272 --> 00:55:11.841
All of the trauma that has gone on.

00:55:13.877 --> 00:55:18.882
Being Indigenous means that
I have this in my own history

00:55:18.882 --> 00:55:20.784
and that it's living there someplace.

00:55:23.053 --> 00:55:25.789
(April chanting)

00:55:39.302 --> 00:55:40.503
And I understood,

00:55:40.503 --> 00:55:43.773
in this completely
different way, the anger.

00:55:43.773 --> 00:55:46.943
I didn't know the specifics
around the terrible things,

00:55:46.943 --> 00:55:51.948
I just understood that
this is an entire race

00:55:52.449 --> 00:55:57.354
of people who've been handed a bad...

00:55:57.354 --> 00:55:59.456
I don't know the term. Something terrible.

00:56:01.024 --> 00:56:02.325
But we are where we are,

00:56:02.325 --> 00:56:03.893
so we should just move on and try

00:56:03.893 --> 00:56:05.362
to be kind and loving to one another.

00:56:05.362 --> 00:56:07.931
That was sort of the
place I was coming from,

00:56:07.931 --> 00:56:09.432
it's like, "Let's be compassionate.

00:56:09.432 --> 00:56:11.534
You're in the place you're
at, I'm I the place I'm at,

00:56:11.534 --> 00:56:16.539
I didn't do it to you. So,
let's move on from here."

00:56:16.806 --> 00:56:18.808
I understand now,

00:56:18.808 --> 00:56:22.412
and I don't really know what
to do with that comprehension.

00:56:24.347 --> 00:56:26.216
I identified as White.

00:56:27.384 --> 00:56:32.389
This strange confusion of
White guilt, Native anger.

00:56:34.023 --> 00:56:35.392
Where does it sit in me,

00:56:35.392 --> 00:56:38.261
and how do I sit with
both of those things?

00:56:42.966 --> 00:56:46.035
Because I love my parents,
and I love my life.

00:56:46.035 --> 00:56:49.806
So, how do I reconcile those two things?

00:56:50.774 --> 00:56:53.743
Because it's not my mom and dad's fault.

00:56:53.743 --> 00:56:54.711
It really isn't.

00:56:57.847 --> 00:57:00.517
(water rushing)

00:57:02.018 --> 00:57:05.655
(Kendra laughing playfully)

00:57:09.459 --> 00:57:11.027
- [Sukha] I don't wanna do this.

00:57:11.027 --> 00:57:12.495
- [Kendra] You don't wanna do it again?

00:57:12.495 --> 00:57:13.696
No?

00:57:13.696 --> 00:57:15.532
You feel good and strong right now.

00:57:16.533 --> 00:57:18.635
I didn't want road trips
and craft projects,

00:57:18.635 --> 00:57:20.904
I wanted to buckle down
and fix everything.

00:57:22.639 --> 00:57:23.540
People who were raised

00:57:23.540 --> 00:57:28.278
within a tribal community feel a loss

00:57:28.278 --> 00:57:29.446
on my behalf.

00:57:31.948 --> 00:57:35.051
I haven't yet felt the kind of loss

00:57:36.519 --> 00:57:38.922
that would make me regret
the life that I have.

00:57:38.922 --> 00:57:40.757
- [Sukha] But now I have a little bit.

00:57:40.757 --> 00:57:42.358
- [Woman] Yeah, I know.
(guys laughing)

00:57:42.358 --> 00:57:45.428
(indistinct chatter)

00:57:50.266 --> 00:57:55.238
♪ Happy Birthday, dear Kendra ♪

00:57:57.774 --> 00:58:01.110
♪ Happy Birthday to you ♪

00:58:05.548 --> 00:58:08.384
(family cheering)

00:58:11.788 --> 00:58:13.056
- [Woman] Yeah!

00:58:13.056 --> 00:58:15.458
- [Tyler] Yeah. Blow 'em out.

00:58:17.060 --> 00:58:18.561
- [Woman] Oh, watch your
hair. Watch your hair.

00:58:18.561 --> 00:58:20.029
(woman laughing)

00:58:20.029 --> 00:58:22.866
(family cheering)

00:58:26.469 --> 00:58:28.938
- [Kendra] Yeah, that was good.

00:58:28.938 --> 00:58:30.773
- [Sukha] Cut it up, Mom.
(indistinct chatter)

00:58:30.773 --> 00:58:33.843
(indistinct chatter)

00:58:35.512 --> 00:58:37.347
- [Kendra] Thanks for my life.
(indistinct chatter)

00:58:37.347 --> 00:58:39.782
- [Sukha] She has to
cut this to cut it up.

00:58:39.782 --> 00:58:40.617
Remember?

00:58:41.651 --> 00:58:45.154
Mama, we'll also get to
eat the (indistinct).

00:58:45.154 --> 00:58:46.856
- [Kendra] That's your plate, Sukha Belle.

00:58:46.856 --> 00:58:49.926
(indistinct chatter)

00:58:54.230 --> 00:58:55.064
Mom,

00:58:55.965 --> 00:58:57.500
I love you so much,

00:58:57.500 --> 00:59:01.404
and it's not just because
this cake is amazing.

00:59:30.466 --> 00:59:35.471
There was a form that I had,
but I didn't see that, the DNA.

00:59:36.139 --> 00:59:38.374
- [Clerk] You were adopted
in Washington State?

00:59:38.374 --> 00:59:40.343
- [Kendra] I was adopted in Oregon State,

00:59:40.343 --> 00:59:42.645
'cause my birth mother
was also adopted out.

00:59:42.645 --> 00:59:43.780
- [Clerk] Oh, I see.

00:59:43.780 --> 00:59:46.149
That's the requirements for it.

00:59:46.149 --> 00:59:46.983
- [Kendra] Okay.

00:59:46.983 --> 00:59:47.884
- [Clerk] It's not that...

00:59:47.884 --> 00:59:49.419
- [Kendra] Oh, no, no no. It's fine.

00:59:49.419 --> 00:59:51.588
I'm sorry. Just ignore the tears.

00:59:52.555 --> 00:59:56.125
I mean if I can't get
my birth father's DNA,

00:59:56.125 --> 00:59:57.694
is it gonna be valid?

00:59:57.694 --> 00:59:59.996
- [Cheyanne] That's (indistinct)
that same part of it.

00:59:59.996 --> 01:00:01.297
This is where you're from.

01:00:02.365 --> 01:00:04.534
This is where your ancestors are from.

01:00:07.036 --> 01:00:08.071
This is your tribe.

01:00:11.474 --> 01:00:13.843
That has to sink into
you. You're from here.

01:00:15.578 --> 01:00:16.412
You don't live here
- [Kendra] (sobbing) I know.

01:00:16.412 --> 01:00:18.448
- but you're from here.
- [April] Absolutely.

01:00:18.448 --> 01:00:20.183
- [Cheyanne] See, that's how we are.

01:00:31.127 --> 01:00:33.062
- [Clerk] I'm trying to get as much

01:00:33.062 --> 01:00:34.097
- You're doing great.

01:00:34.097 --> 01:00:36.099
- [Clerk] skin cells
as I can on that thing.

01:00:36.099 --> 01:00:37.066
- Uh-huh.

01:00:37.066 --> 01:00:38.134
- [Clerk] All right.

01:00:46.409 --> 01:00:47.844
We should get the results back

01:00:47.844 --> 01:00:51.681
in the next 10 to 14 business days.

01:00:51.681 --> 01:00:52.515
- [Kendra] Thank you so much.

01:00:52.515 --> 01:00:53.349
- [Clerk] You're welcome.

01:00:53.349 --> 01:00:54.183
- Sorry I cried.

01:00:54.183 --> 01:00:55.752
- [Clerk] Oh, no worries. I understand.

01:01:00.790 --> 01:01:03.326
- Going from, "There are Indians

01:01:03.326 --> 01:01:06.529
and they live on reservations
and life is hard,

01:01:06.529 --> 01:01:08.898
but I don't know how or why,"

01:01:08.898 --> 01:01:13.670
to learning about the boarding schools,

01:01:13.670 --> 01:01:18.274
forced sterilizations,
the intentional decimation

01:01:18.274 --> 01:01:21.744
of communities, everywhere.

01:01:21.744 --> 01:01:23.212
First Nations people
are finding themselves

01:01:23.212 --> 01:01:25.348
in these circumstances,
and they're not accidents.

01:01:25.348 --> 01:01:30.353
They're completely, totally planned.

01:01:30.953 --> 01:01:32.088
And knowing that,

01:01:33.222 --> 01:01:36.893
as I'm slowly finding my
own way through identity,

01:01:36.893 --> 01:01:40.897
realizing that I am
actually a perfect example

01:01:40.897 --> 01:01:42.065
of assimilation,

01:01:42.065 --> 01:01:45.802
a perfect example of, "Kill
the Indian, save the man,"

01:01:45.802 --> 01:01:47.670
and I'm a saved man,

01:01:48.838 --> 01:01:50.540
and a dead Indian?

01:01:52.308 --> 01:01:54.110
I mean, it's like,

01:01:55.144 --> 01:01:56.446
I don't know, it's tragic.

01:02:04.954 --> 01:02:07.523
I just don't know how to be with that.

01:02:17.533 --> 01:02:20.036
- [Female Elder] At this time,
we have a little ceremony

01:02:20.036 --> 01:02:22.038
that we wanna do,

01:02:22.038 --> 01:02:25.241
because I know that
that hole is still there

01:02:25.241 --> 01:02:26.375
for both of you.

01:02:27.777 --> 01:02:31.280
So, what we're going to do is that,

01:02:31.280 --> 01:02:35.318
whenever they feel like they're alone,

01:02:35.318 --> 01:02:38.154
or they don't hae a sense of belonging,

01:02:38.154 --> 01:02:40.757
they can wrap themselves in this blanket.

01:02:42.458 --> 01:02:45.361
Auntie and Uncle are
gonna sing an honor song,

01:02:46.596 --> 01:02:49.098
and then I want everybody to come

01:02:49.098 --> 01:02:50.900
and I want you to welcome them home.

01:02:53.236 --> 01:02:55.538
- [Man Off camera] It's
a sacred song, so I'd

01:02:55.538 --> 01:02:57.573
ask you not to record.

01:03:11.988 --> 01:03:13.990
- [Narrator] This story
that we've been telling now

01:03:13.990 --> 01:03:17.326
for seven years can't be
wrapped up in a neat bow,

01:03:19.262 --> 01:03:21.764
because it's such a complex experience

01:03:21.764 --> 01:03:23.566
to be Native in this country,

01:03:26.903 --> 01:03:28.771
and sometimes painful,

01:03:28.771 --> 01:03:31.808
but also beautiful, and powerful,

01:03:31.808 --> 01:03:33.409
and a million other things.

01:03:43.886 --> 01:03:47.190
And this is Kendra's journey, not mine.

01:03:58.868 --> 01:04:01.537
Neither one of us know
the end of the story.

01:04:01.537 --> 01:04:02.805
- Hi.

01:04:02.805 --> 01:04:05.274
(baby cooing)

01:04:05.274 --> 01:04:07.743
♪ Lucien ♪

01:04:07.743 --> 01:04:11.881
♪ Lucien Moon ♪

01:04:11.881 --> 01:04:15.251
♪ Lucien Moon Potter ♪

01:04:15.251 --> 01:04:19.589
(baby cooing)
(woman laughing)

01:04:19.589 --> 01:04:22.124
(baby cooing)

01:04:22.124 --> 01:04:25.094
(melancholic music)