Men: A Love Story

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After spending nearly a decade as a journalist documenting young women sold as slaves into the sex trade, award winning filmmaker Mimi Chakarova (THE PRICE OF SEX) sets out on a journey across the United States to explore how men feel about women and love. Piecing together a rich tapestry of vignettes, woven from stories shared by men of different races, ages, and socio-economic backgrounds, Chakarova weaves a stunningly honest and unapologetic portrayal of masculinity in America. With a diverse set of subjects from tiny blues bars of the Deep South to hedge funds of Manhattan and from ranchers in New Mexico to farmers in the Midwest, MEN: A LOVE STORY is a poignant and at times unforgettable dark comedy that reveals a deeper multilayered understanding of maleness, sexuality and gender performance in America today.

“The topic of love is a tough one to shred, but it seems to be the next logical step in finding out what men think about women and love."
Mission Local

"a beautiful and candid exploration of the ways in which ordinary men grapple with the most unfathomable of experiences: love."
Mara Fortes Telluride Film Festival

"Chakarova, in these serendipitous encounters, demonstrates the deep beauty of tuning into the stories hidden in everyday life."
Mara Fortes Telluride Film Festival

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Main credits

Chakarova, Mimi (director of photography)
Chakarova, Mimi (film director)
Chakarova, Mimi (film producer)
Chakarova, Mimi (narrator)

Other credits

Edited by Stephanie Mechura; filmed by Stefania Rousselle, Mimi Chakarova; animators, Jane Kim, Jessica Poon.

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00:07.146 --> 00:09.729
(upbeat music)

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(clears throat)

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(chair dragging)

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(cymbal crashes)

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(upbeat music)

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(crickets chirping)

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(alarm chiming and buzzing)

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(pensive music)

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(loud banging)

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- Shit.

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(instrumental music)

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I love her.

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The smell of her.

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I love the way she smelled.

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She smelled like her house,

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that was the smell.

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It\'s kind of weird to explain it, I don\'t know.

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I loved...

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the feeling of being loved from her.

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That fiery feeling inside when you\'re sharing that

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with somebody, when it\'s mutual.

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I loved her touch.

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That\'s what I miss.

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That\'s what I think about.

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(engine starting)

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I realize there\'s not too many people in the world

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who will ever love you again like that.

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(instrumental music)

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- [Mimi] Once upon a time,

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I got a message from my neighbor.

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- [Elder] Hello Mimi?

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It\'s Elder.

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I just called to thank you for those cookies.

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Old fashion cookies right down my line,

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you know what I mean (laughing).

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But anyway, when will I be able to see you again?

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Seem like, you either walk early in the mornings

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or late in the afternoon.

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And I got a crook in my neck from looking out the window

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for three or four hours.

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No, I\'m just kidding about that.

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I\'m just calling to say hello, you know.

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I think that\'s what friends do, you know what I mean.

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(laughing) I\'ll check you out, bye bye.

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(horn beeping)

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I use to have some smooth moves

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you know what I mean (laughs).

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Oh you know, bam, boom, boom.

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Shit, I was doing the Chevron before Ali.

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(laughing)

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- [Mimi] What\'s you got in there?

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- Sweet potato.

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(salsa music in the background)

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This will knock you out.

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I have some spinach

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and I cut a few pieces

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of red onion and put in there, you know what I mean.

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I have a nice little salad made you know.

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Yeah (laughing).

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And can you dig it?

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Catfish.

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(rhythmic music)

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- [Mimi] Elder, tell me that story about Nancy.

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- Nancy, Minnesota Nancy.

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Nancy with the smiling face. (laughing)

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Nancy was a trip.

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And there was quite a few others, you know what I mean.

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Virginia, Kim,

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Martha,

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Dorothy Monroe.

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(upbeat music)

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- [Mimi] Virginia, Kim, Dorothy Monroe.

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I heard a love story in every woman\'s name.

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(reflective music)

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My story?

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When I was a little girl,

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my grandma told me I would never find a man.

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You have to learn to cook, clean

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and knit sweaters to get a man, she worried.

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Grandma, I don\'t want a man

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if I have to do all those things.

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She called me a donkey.

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(speaking foreign language)

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You\'re as stubborn as a donkey, grandma said.

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I liked hearing that.

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I loved donkeys.

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But men?

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I should tell you about my last film.

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- [Man On Right] How can I tell you?

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There are many beautiful woman making very good sex.

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- [Man In Car] Keep down your camera.

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It\'s very dangerous.

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- [Mimi] I spent nearly a decade as a journalist.

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Documenting the sex trade.

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I went undercover.

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Saw hundreds of young men trafficked and sold as slaves.

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- [Man On Right] We need the woman,

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so we are being together with them.

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They are making good blow job.

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- [Mimi] I listened to men

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tell the same sickening stories.

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Over and over again.

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I closed down my heart.

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(glass clanking)

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And I lived like that for years.

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Until one day, I had an idea.

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I would make an entirely different kind of film.

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A film about men, loving women.

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I would drive across America and ask men

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to talk to me about love.

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Tell me their love stories.

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(upbeat music)

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- [Elder] Hello Mimi, it\'s your old friend.

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I\'m glad you enjoyed the fish.

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You should have took the whole piece.

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I\'ll be calling everyday to see if you\'re back home.

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Well you take care.

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- [Mimi] Grandma was right.

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30 years later, I had never knit a sweater.

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And I was still stubborn.

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I believed that if I took this journey,

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if I listened to men talk to me about love.

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My heart would break open again.

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In the middle of nowhere,

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seemed as good a place as any to begin.

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(wind blowing)

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(pensive music)

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- Don\'t be surprised who or what you may see out here.

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Mm hm.

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I had two girls laying in my swimming pool all day long.

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(pensive music)

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- [Mimi] Where the fuck was I?

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I had rolled into this place like a tumbleweed.

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A stranger.

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Asking a man to talk to me about love.

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Strangest of all.

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He did.

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- I tell you what.

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What I learned about love.

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You want to get along good with the girl.

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Be her friend.

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That\'s the secret of love.

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Be her friend.

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That\'s what you want.

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Don\'t treat her like some alien from outer space

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or something.

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And be her friend.

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That\'s all you have to do.

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Some guys are good guys.

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Some guys, you know, they just haven\'t got on.

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My dad use to catch wild horses.

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You get a wild horse, you practice leading him around.

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And he\'s wild and crazy and mean.

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You just get on that dude and ride \'em.

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He\'ll throw you off.

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You get back on him again, ride him.

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He\'ll throw you off.

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Get back on him again and ride him.

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Pretty soon, after about a year,

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he\'ll get use to you.

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You know, if he don\'t kill ya first.

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You know, you\'ve got you a horse you can ride.

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It\'s a good thing.

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If you find the right person,

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you know, that\'s worth all the money in the world

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when you find the right person.

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Mm hm.

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Honey girl.

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You\'re a nice looking girl.

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- Thank you.

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- You and are about the same height.

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- (laughing) I think you\'re shorter.

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- Hey would you like to shoot a homemade Flintlock rifle?

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- Yes. - I made them.

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- Yeah, please.

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- Come here.

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So you put your gun powder in there.

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Shoot your sparks in there.

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And that\'s your gun off.

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Put it up to your shoulder, girl.

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- [Mimi] Okay.

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- Like I say, you wanna get a long with a girl.

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Be her friend.

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Just pull the trigger.

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- Is there recoil?

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No?

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(gun bangs)

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- It went off.

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You\'re on camera girl.

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- Woe.

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This is beautiful.

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- Uh ha. - It\'s really nice.

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- So now you shot a Flintlock.

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- Thank you. - Uh ha.

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(pensive music)

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(metal clanking)

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(birds cawing)

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- Here we go.

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Good girl.

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She gets these from eating grass

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under cactus.

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And they break off and they hang in her mane.

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And they make her unhappy.

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I got married at 19.

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Did everything wrong.

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That ended up.

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Married my secretary, that was my second wife

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that my first and third wife don\'t like, yeah. (laughing)

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It seems like all cowboys kind of

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go from relationship to relationship.

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A cowboy lives his life.

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He doesn\'t like to be yelled at.

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He doesn\'t like to be controlled.

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He\'s use to living out where, like we are right here.

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There\'s no sound.

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Every once in a while, they\'ll be an eagle

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fly over the crest.

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It\'s very peaceful, very predictable.

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But when something in a shrill manner

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like a woman\'s voice

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reminding him of things that he didn\'t do

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breaks that peace and tranquility,

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he will, you know puts his horse in the trailer

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and his saddle in the back of the pickup.

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And he leaves.

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And he never goes back on the decision.

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As soon as he drives away,

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she\'s not even in the rear view mirror anymore.

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(pensive music)

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- My mama told me the reason

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I ran away from home all the time

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was because I was born under a wandering star.

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Never could sit still.

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That\'s why they call us cowboys

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because we never grow up.

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Ranchers grow up.

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Cowboys, we\'re always boys.

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(lighter flickers)

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- You never ask a rancher how many head of cows he\'s got.

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You never ask a rancher how much land he\'s got.

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(dog howling)

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A cowboy and it\'s long days.

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Short nights.

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There\'s a lot of freedom in it.

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You get on your horse in the morning.

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You don\'t say sir to nobody all day long.

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(pensive music)

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- My granddad came to these mountains,

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these Magnolia mountains in 1882.

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I was raised there on a ranch.

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And that\'s all I\'ve ever done.

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- [Mimi] Tom what is love?

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- Huh?

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- [Mimi] What is love?

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- I have no idea.

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I got mixed up in 1949 (laughing).

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August seventh, 1949.

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How many years is that, 62, 63 years.

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Something like that.

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- [Mimi] And what is the secret to a good marriage?

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- Don\'t come home too often. (laughing)

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I never was home very much.

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I always had another ranch some place

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and I stayed five or six days.

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I\'d come home for a day or two and then go back.

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(cows bellowing)

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You have bad days and you have good days.

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You have bad years and you have good years.

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I guess, I probably loved her, I don\'t know.

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I never thought about it. (sighs)

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She was a good looking woman, yeah.

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When she was 20.

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But love?

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Nah.

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(laughing)

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But since then, I spent all my time,

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most of the time chasing cow.

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(pensive music)

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- It\'s pretty hard to be married to a cowboy.

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You\'re not gonna see me a whole lot.

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That\'s just,

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the nature of the beast.

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And that\'s not for all women.

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So I can\'t begrudge anybody for not liking it.

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I\'m kind of a realist in life.

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A lot of people would be poetic about it

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and say that love is something you can\'t live without.

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You know, it\'s something you can\'t stand to lose.

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To me, that\'s not love.

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Love is something that\'s gonna hurt

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when you lose it.

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Some people say they fall out of love.

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I don\'t understand that.

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I still love every woman I was ever in love with.

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I don\'t want \'em back (laughing).

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But I still love \'em.

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(lighter flicks)

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- I love my hunting dogs.

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I love my horses.

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And I love to be free.

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I love to be in the mountains.

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And I love to have someone to hold at night.

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It was her blue eyes that struck me.

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You could get lost in \'em.

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- [Mimi] Did you ever have your heart broken by a woman?

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- Yeah.

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One.

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Once.

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- [Mimi] Care to talk about that?

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- Not really.

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(pensive music)

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(horse galloping)

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- I think a lot of things can break a cowboy\'s heart.

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Watching an old low boy coyote

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on his last leg and his last few days of his life.

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That can break my heart.

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And have women broke my heart, yes.

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Oh you know, that\'s what most people think of

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when they think of broken hearts.

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And I\'ve had that too.

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Um.

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And it\'s suppose to.

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If it doesn\'t break your heart when you lose something

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then you weren\'t ever attached to it.

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(pensive music)

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- What else kiddo?

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(laughing)

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- [Mimi] I want to ask you one last question.

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- [Steve] Sure.

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- [Mimi] If you saw that there was a film coming out

18:48.493 --> 18:51.828
and the title of the film is \"Men, A Love Story\".

18:51.828 --> 18:53.495
Would you go see it?

18:55.078 --> 18:56.745
- Men, a love story?

18:58.752 --> 19:03.333
I would probably stay at home and have a beer.

19:03.333 --> 19:05.173
And that\'s what you\'re gonna title this?

19:05.173 --> 19:09.340
(whistling) (upbeat music)

19:20.984 --> 19:22.109
- [Elder] Hello Mimi?

19:22.109 --> 19:24.820
This is Elder, I\'m just checking in.

19:24.820 --> 19:28.464
And uh, well I really don\'t have too much to say.

19:28.464 --> 19:31.993
But anyway, I hope you\'re doing okay.

19:31.993 --> 19:32.910
I miss you.

19:34.078 --> 19:36.251
You know, you never know,

19:36.251 --> 19:40.458
what connect people and that kind of thing.

19:40.458 --> 19:41.917
And since you out of town,

19:41.917 --> 19:44.259
I\'m just calling to wish you a Merry Christmas

19:44.259 --> 19:47.256
and I hope you have a beautiful holiday,

19:47.256 --> 19:48.718
wherever you are.

19:48.718 --> 19:49.551
Bye bye.

19:52.094 --> 19:53.891
♫ Well I jumped out your window

19:53.891 --> 19:56.197
♫ And my feet hit the ground

19:56.197 --> 19:57.617
♫ Rolled to break my fall

19:57.617 --> 19:59.691
♫ But I won\'t stick the round

19:59.691 --> 20:01.397
♫ Your daddy\'s got two shells

20:01.397 --> 20:03.484
♫ With my name on the side

20:03.484 --> 20:05.569
♫ So don\'t come around the boys

20:05.569 --> 20:07.366
♫ If you wanna stay alive

20:07.366 --> 20:11.533
(whistling) (upbeat music)

20:25.674 --> 20:28.508
(pots clanking)

20:28.508 --> 20:30.887
- Hey Francis I have a job for you.

20:30.887 --> 20:33.220
I gotta get my apples ready.

20:34.463 --> 20:36.773
Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

20:36.773 --> 20:38.023
What\'d you get?

20:38.893 --> 20:39.726
- [Felix] 10.

20:39.726 --> 20:41.159
- Did you get 10?

20:41.159 --> 20:42.983
(laughing)

20:42.983 --> 20:45.820
- One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine.

20:45.820 --> 20:47.362
- [Joey] Oh you cheated.

20:47.362 --> 20:48.323
Ready?

20:48.323 --> 20:50.658
One, two, three, four, five, six.

20:50.658 --> 20:51.491
You got six?

20:51.491 --> 20:52.324
- [Felix] I got six.

20:52.324 --> 20:54.496
- I got five, you won that one.

20:54.496 --> 20:56.831
My dad left home when he was 12.

20:56.831 --> 20:58.512
And kept running every since then.

20:58.512 --> 20:59.501
- [Francis] Are you making a pie?

20:59.501 --> 21:01.750
- I am, as we speak.

21:01.750 --> 21:04.373
When I was a kid, we lived in 44 houses.

21:04.373 --> 21:06.713
Basically moving, four, five times a year, every year

21:06.713 --> 21:08.046
for a long time.

21:10.843 --> 21:12.585
So I\'m very good with the moment.

21:12.585 --> 21:14.910
I can do really well there, you know.

21:14.910 --> 21:17.373
It\'s like, the things that I have trouble with

21:17.373 --> 21:18.540
are structure.

21:21.898 --> 21:24.488
Things fall apart for all kinds of reason.

21:24.488 --> 21:26.735
You break them, they\'re not working.

21:26.735 --> 21:28.234
You\'re not ready.

21:28.234 --> 21:29.413
But when my marriage ended,

21:29.413 --> 21:33.661
I really didn\'t know how to deal with it.

21:33.661 --> 21:36.703
For me, a life that you sort of choose.

21:36.703 --> 21:38.708
You know, having kids, the path, you\'re gonna get married.

21:38.708 --> 21:39.750
You\'re gonna do these things

21:39.750 --> 21:41.380
and when those things fall apart,

21:41.380 --> 21:44.123
it was very hard to navigate.

21:44.123 --> 21:45.710
Not wanting to deal with pain

21:45.710 --> 21:47.515
and not wanting to deal with grieving.

21:47.515 --> 21:49.932
I just sort of remained lost.

21:57.148 --> 21:59.021
- [Mimi] Joey, what is love?

21:59.021 --> 22:01.685
- Oof, I don\'t know the answer to that one.

22:01.685 --> 22:03.353
It\'s the question that everyone wants to know

22:03.353 --> 22:05.743
the answer to right?

22:05.743 --> 22:06.743
Aye yai yai.

22:09.818 --> 22:11.610
I just feel like it\'s light almost.

22:11.610 --> 22:12.949
It\'s like this thing that\'s here, right.

22:12.949 --> 22:14.202
And if you look at it, it\'s there.

22:14.202 --> 22:16.672
And if you don\'t look at it, it\'s not there.

22:16.672 --> 22:17.505
It\'s gone.

22:19.329 --> 22:21.499
I think that\'s love in a lot of ways.

22:21.499 --> 22:23.247
You just really have to keep your eyes open

22:23.247 --> 22:25.414
and feel it and let it be.

22:27.048 --> 22:28.425
- [Mimi] How do you hold on to it?

22:28.425 --> 22:29.387
- I don\'t think you can.

22:29.387 --> 22:32.022
I think you can just enjoy it.

22:32.022 --> 22:34.514
You know, I think you can just experience it, you know.

22:34.514 --> 22:35.347
And just feel it.

22:35.347 --> 22:37.186
I think that\'s all you have.

22:37.186 --> 22:40.894
(reflective music)

22:40.894 --> 22:43.019
I don\'t think you get to hold on to any of it.

22:43.019 --> 22:45.070
Francis, will you do me a huge favor.

22:45.070 --> 22:46.275
Will you turn that oven on over there

22:46.275 --> 22:47.732
and set it for 400 degrees?

22:47.732 --> 22:48.570
- Aw.

22:48.570 --> 22:49.525
I want to eat \'em.

22:49.525 --> 22:51.341
- You can eat them, there\'s plenty.

22:51.341 --> 22:52.789
They have lemon juice on them though.

22:52.789 --> 22:54.436
- I know.

22:54.436 --> 22:55.269
- They\'re good?

22:55.269 --> 22:56.120
- Mm hm.

22:56.120 --> 22:58.576
(crunching)

22:58.576 --> 23:01.493
(reflective music)

23:04.958 --> 23:06.957
- [Mimi] And what is the secret to dealing

23:06.957 --> 23:08.624
with a broken heart?

23:09.873 --> 23:12.464
- I don\'t know that. (laughing)

23:12.464 --> 23:14.094
I don\'t know the answer to that.

23:14.094 --> 23:15.885
You know, I don\'t know if there\'s any secrets.

23:15.885 --> 23:17.286
You just have to deal with them.

23:17.286 --> 23:19.778
It\'s like everything else.

23:19.778 --> 23:22.021
- [Francis] Okay, I\'m opening presents.

23:22.021 --> 23:23.935
- [Joey] Wow, what is that?

23:23.935 --> 23:27.797
(faint, overlapping dialogues)

23:27.797 --> 23:29.230
- [Francis] Oh my God, you got a jam box?

23:29.230 --> 23:30.153
- [Felix] Yeah.

23:30.153 --> 23:31.430
- [Francis] Look at the beautiful jam box.

23:31.430 --> 23:33.530
- [Felix] Ah, what is this?

23:33.530 --> 23:36.263
I know it feel it, it was legos.

23:36.263 --> 23:38.075
- [Joey] That\'s gonna be fun huh?

23:38.075 --> 23:41.075
(slow guitar music)

23:43.155 --> 23:46.072
(static car radio)

24:07.941 --> 24:10.941
(slow guitar music)

24:35.966 --> 24:38.633
(engine starts)

24:50.493 --> 24:54.400
- Once upon a time, there was this kid.

24:54.400 --> 24:56.900
Really big trouble making kid.

24:59.195 --> 25:01.529
He would ride his bike all over the town.

25:01.529 --> 25:02.529
Up and down.

25:03.774 --> 25:05.826
Make people mad.

25:05.826 --> 25:07.159
Make people sad.

25:11.479 --> 25:13.062
One day he grew up.

25:14.498 --> 25:15.998
And he met a girl.

25:18.924 --> 25:20.674
A beautiful princess.

25:24.925 --> 25:26.675
She changed his life.

25:28.430 --> 25:32.013
And made him the happiest man in the world.

25:33.687 --> 25:36.687
(slow guitar music)

25:38.231 --> 25:41.361
And then a big monster came.

25:41.361 --> 25:44.538
Big ole mean, gigantic monster.

25:44.538 --> 25:46.156
Came stomping in.

25:46.156 --> 25:47.656
And took her away.

25:49.406 --> 25:51.656
And he never saw her again.

25:52.747 --> 25:55.830
(instrumental music)

26:15.561 --> 26:18.147
There were times when I couldn\'t stand the pain anymore.

26:18.147 --> 26:19.918
Especially at the beginning.

26:19.918 --> 26:21.251
It was horrible.

26:24.398 --> 26:27.406
Wake up in the morning and realize

26:27.406 --> 26:29.784
and you get punched in the gut.

26:29.784 --> 26:30.951
Every morning.

26:34.915 --> 26:36.998
When it\'s gone, it\'s like

26:40.638 --> 26:42.471
the world loses color.

26:55.977 --> 26:59.227
I wanted nothing but to make her happy.

27:01.275 --> 27:05.442
But I guess I was kind of selfish at that time, too.

27:07.611 --> 27:10.440
What\'s gonna make me happy?

27:10.440 --> 27:12.690
\'Cause she\'s gonna be there

27:13.701 --> 27:17.534
no matter what, was kind of like my mentality.

27:19.794 --> 27:21.704
- [Mimi] Did you cheat on her?

27:21.704 --> 27:22.537
- I did.

27:23.708 --> 27:25.291
I did cheat on her.

27:29.631 --> 27:32.381
Multiple times, different people.

27:35.228 --> 27:36.855
(reflective music)

27:36.855 --> 27:41.022
I took her and her beauty and amazing spirit for granted.

27:43.317 --> 27:47.674
I felt like sometimes I was everything she wanted.

27:47.674 --> 27:48.841
But, I was uh.

27:53.405 --> 27:55.916
An asshole a lot of times.

27:55.916 --> 27:58.833
(reflective music)

28:06.181 --> 28:10.171
If I was a better person, if I was a better man,

28:10.171 --> 28:12.844
made different choices,

28:12.844 --> 28:14.718
I wonder what could have been, you know.

28:14.718 --> 28:16.805
What could have, would have, should have.

28:16.805 --> 28:18.138
I always wonder.

28:22.228 --> 28:25.593
- [Mimi] Do you believe in love?

28:25.593 --> 28:27.760
- I believe in love, yeah.

28:30.181 --> 28:31.848
I think that\'s what,

28:33.072 --> 28:35.239
that\'s what makes the world go around.

28:35.239 --> 28:36.072
You know.

28:39.496 --> 28:41.939
Gives you a reason to live.

28:41.939 --> 28:44.856
(reflective music)

28:58.849 --> 29:01.849
- You know, one day my baby left me.

29:05.105 --> 29:06.855
And I don\'t know why.

29:08.737 --> 29:12.237
And she came back and hit me with a brick.

29:13.993 --> 29:16.326
And let me turn on my thigh.

29:22.726 --> 29:25.226
(blues music)

29:44.069 --> 29:48.897
♫ Lord, I was staring at the Greyhound bus station

29:48.897 --> 29:51.730
(harmonica music)

29:53.377 --> 29:57.210
♫ And my darlin\' got on board

30:02.876 --> 30:07.043
♫ Standing there at the Greyhound darlin\'

30:09.128 --> 30:12.885
♫ When my darlin\' got onboard

30:12.885 --> 30:15.385
(blues music)

30:19.390 --> 30:23.437
♫ You know I couldn\'t do a thing but stand there and cry

30:23.437 --> 30:25.937
(blues music)

30:28.362 --> 30:29.195
(harmonica music)

30:29.195 --> 30:33.072
♫ I lost my darlin\' way down the road.

30:33.072 --> 30:35.572
(blues music)

30:42.352 --> 30:44.852
(fan blowing)

30:48.546 --> 30:50.963
You can forgive anybody easy.

30:52.967 --> 30:55.427
But forgetting takes the longest time.

30:55.427 --> 30:57.344
You ain\'t never forget.

30:58.851 --> 31:00.264
You will forget sister.

31:00.264 --> 31:04.431
♫ I might tell you how good I\'m doing

31:06.981 --> 31:11.148
♫ They tell me baby, can\'t be found

31:12.318 --> 31:14.818
(blues music)

31:20.332 --> 31:22.582
(laughing)

31:27.371 --> 31:29.871
(blues music)

31:49.355 --> 31:51.939
- [Elder] Hello Mimi, this is Elder.

31:51.939 --> 31:53.651
I\'m just calling to check on you.

31:53.651 --> 31:55.527
Not check on you but just to see

31:55.527 --> 31:58.239
if you were back home or whatever.

31:58.239 --> 32:01.034
And tomorrow is your birthday right so.

32:01.034 --> 32:03.617
Happy early birthday.

32:03.617 --> 32:05.457
When you get back, maybe we go

32:05.457 --> 32:08.168
and I\'ll take you for a birthday breakfast

32:08.168 --> 32:11.421
down at the place where we go.

32:11.421 --> 32:13.510
You have a good evening, a good day.

32:13.510 --> 32:17.344
Just a good, everything good I wish upon you.

32:17.344 --> 32:18.177
All right.

32:22.969 --> 32:25.268
- [Mimi] I\'m driving though the south Elder,

32:25.268 --> 32:26.768
where you grew up.

32:27.893 --> 32:31.718
I\'ve looked for the places you\'ve told me about.

32:31.718 --> 32:34.568
And I\'m saving your messages.

32:34.568 --> 32:36.818
They make me feel at peace.

32:39.072 --> 32:41.739
(truck soaring)

32:44.836 --> 32:47.419
(wind blowing)

32:49.381 --> 32:52.131
(engine revving)

32:53.963 --> 32:56.213
- [Jack] Settle down Scoot.

33:01.514 --> 33:03.765
Okay just stay with this speed.

33:03.765 --> 33:06.515
(rhythmic music)

33:09.316 --> 33:10.691
- Trying to find this spot.

33:10.691 --> 33:11.902
- Tie up anywhere.

33:11.902 --> 33:12.995
- I know.

33:12.995 --> 33:14.414
- That one looks perfect right there.

33:14.414 --> 33:15.862
- I know but it\'s a sandbar right there.

33:15.862 --> 33:16.910
- Oh.

33:16.910 --> 33:18.827
- Trying to catch fish.

33:22.407 --> 33:23.664
- Love to me?

33:23.664 --> 33:26.369
Love to me is being married for 25 years.

33:26.369 --> 33:28.457
And that\'s what I call love.

33:28.457 --> 33:31.290
25 years of fishing every weekend.

33:32.127 --> 33:35.214
You\'d think she\'d get tired of it by now.

33:35.214 --> 33:36.462
But she don\'t.

33:36.462 --> 33:37.295
Hand me them wears bud,

33:37.295 --> 33:38.128
let me put one on there

33:38.128 --> 33:39.885
while you\'re easing down the river there.

33:39.885 --> 33:42.526
Country girl, beautiful.

33:42.526 --> 33:45.137
Everybody gave us six months.

33:45.137 --> 33:47.223
Oh you getting married at 20 years old?

33:47.223 --> 33:48.890
That\'s mighty young.

33:49.897 --> 33:53.314
You know what, you gotta start somewhere.

33:54.297 --> 33:56.964
(geese honking)

33:58.566 --> 34:00.549
Some days on this, we can do real well.

34:00.549 --> 34:02.216
On other days, it\'s just tough.

34:02.216 --> 34:03.746
That\'s why they call it fishing and not catching.

34:03.746 --> 34:05.163
- [Steele] Mm hm.

34:06.329 --> 34:08.096
- There\'s a little nibble there.

34:08.096 --> 34:09.763
Come on and take it.

34:11.340 --> 34:13.545
Steele\'s been fishing with me.

34:13.545 --> 34:17.255
Practically since he was able to walk.

34:17.255 --> 34:18.509
He wants to grow up to be just like his daddy.

34:18.509 --> 34:19.589
Tell him Scoot.

34:19.589 --> 34:20.677
- Yeah.

34:20.677 --> 34:22.259
- Yep.

34:22.259 --> 34:24.477
Couldn\'t find a better family as far as I\'m concerned.

34:24.477 --> 34:25.572
- Mm hm.

34:25.572 --> 34:27.520
- There he is.

34:27.520 --> 34:28.860
There he is, there he is.

34:28.860 --> 34:32.853
I would love for him to marry a woman just like his mother.

34:32.853 --> 34:35.353
I mean a spitting image.

34:35.353 --> 34:36.817
Come to daddy.

34:36.817 --> 34:39.676
She loves everything we love to do and then some.

34:39.676 --> 34:40.866
She never complains.

34:40.866 --> 34:42.161
She just goes with the flow.

34:42.161 --> 34:43.928
Oh yeah, perfect size.

34:43.928 --> 34:47.161
That\'s the size I like right there.

34:47.161 --> 34:51.038
Call mama and told her we\'ll be a little late.

34:51.038 --> 34:52.413
The house needs a painting.

34:52.413 --> 34:53.789
The yard needs a mowing.

34:53.789 --> 34:54.796
- Mm hm.

34:54.796 --> 34:56.209
- Shingles are falling off the roof

34:56.209 --> 34:57.219
and we\'ve gone fishing.

34:57.219 --> 35:00.212
(laughing)

35:00.212 --> 35:01.045
- Mm hm.

35:01.045 --> 35:01.937
(laughing)

35:01.937 --> 35:02.770
- Hold up.

35:02.770 --> 35:04.851
(laughing)

35:04.851 --> 35:07.518
(playful music)

35:09.937 --> 35:12.770
(rooster crowing)

35:17.524 --> 35:19.944
I had a mirror in my room.

35:19.944 --> 35:21.152
And this mirror that I had

35:21.152 --> 35:22.488
was an old antique mirror

35:22.488 --> 35:23.700
and it was nothing but pictures of her

35:23.700 --> 35:25.447
all the way around the horseshoe with a mirror.

35:25.447 --> 35:26.700
That was when I was about what?

35:26.700 --> 35:28.240
Six, 17?

35:28.240 --> 35:29.791
- [Mimi] You\'re just kids, look at you.

35:29.791 --> 35:30.706
- I know.

35:30.706 --> 35:32.206
I told you, we were kids.

35:32.206 --> 35:33.579
(laughing)

35:33.579 --> 35:34.831
And then we started talking about marriage.

35:34.831 --> 35:36.753
In and out you know.

35:36.753 --> 35:37.586
And then.

35:39.544 --> 35:43.044
I guess it was about a year after college.

35:43.965 --> 35:45.324
Seemed like about a year after college,

35:45.324 --> 35:47.219
she called me one day

35:47.219 --> 35:48.305
and she said uh,

35:48.305 --> 35:49.306
you wanna come and get me?

35:49.306 --> 35:51.016
I said what are you talking about?

35:51.016 --> 35:51.935
And she said,

35:51.935 --> 35:53.732
mom\'s gone to the grocery store.

35:53.732 --> 35:54.820
She said, I\'m ready to go.

35:54.820 --> 35:56.195
(laughing) I said like, move out?

35:56.195 --> 35:57.274
She said yeah.

35:57.274 --> 35:59.062
(playful music)

35:59.062 --> 36:01.126
So I had a station wagon at the time.

36:01.126 --> 36:02.827
I took off as fast as I could get down there.

36:02.827 --> 36:03.660
(tires screeching)

36:03.660 --> 36:04.493
I pull up the drive way

36:04.493 --> 36:06.109
and she has a long country driveway.

36:06.109 --> 36:07.788
(horn beeping)

36:07.788 --> 36:08.828
And I said I hope and pray to God,

36:08.828 --> 36:11.209
Mama Ruth doesn\'t pull up while we\'re doing this.

36:11.209 --> 36:13.204
I fly up in there and start throwing all the stuff

36:13.204 --> 36:14.260
in the car.

36:14.260 --> 36:16.057
Come spinning out of there.

36:16.057 --> 36:17.796
And get to the end of the road and I took a deep breath.

36:17.796 --> 36:20.207
(sighs)

36:20.207 --> 36:21.274
I said ah.

36:21.274 --> 36:23.101
(record scratching) (tin clanking)

36:23.101 --> 36:24.468
We forget her bird.

36:24.468 --> 36:26.672
(rooster crowing)

36:26.672 --> 36:28.692
So we\'re taking a big chance.

36:28.692 --> 36:30.490
It\'s a little tweety bird that she had in the cage.

36:30.490 --> 36:31.775
(laughing) I said let\'s turn around.

36:31.775 --> 36:35.440
So I whipped around, took off back down that country road.

36:35.440 --> 36:36.689
(tires screeching)

36:36.689 --> 36:38.061
Grabbed her tweety bird, she dove in the car

36:38.061 --> 36:39.357
and off we went.

36:39.357 --> 36:40.730
(curious sounds)

36:40.730 --> 36:42.188
We stayed at my moms for a week or two

36:42.188 --> 36:43.277
and then we got our own place

36:43.277 --> 36:44.612
and the rest is history.

36:44.612 --> 36:45.862
Here we are so.

36:47.361 --> 36:49.200
I wouldn\'t want it no other way.

36:49.200 --> 36:51.199
(geese honking)

36:51.199 --> 36:52.457
Ga ga ga ga ga ga.

36:52.457 --> 36:53.290
Come on.

36:53.290 --> 36:54.707
Ga ga ga ga ga ga.

36:54.707 --> 36:57.374
(geese calling)

36:58.918 --> 37:00.501
- Amen, praise God.

37:01.503 --> 37:02.925
Pray the Lord, somebody.

37:02.925 --> 37:04.550
(members clapping)

37:04.550 --> 37:07.426
I said praise the Lord somebody.

37:07.426 --> 37:10.686
Amen, God is good not sometime.

37:10.686 --> 37:12.769
But He good all the time.

37:13.765 --> 37:16.269
The only thing is about it is you got to

37:16.269 --> 37:18.185
within yourself, find out,

37:18.185 --> 37:19.602
how bad do I want

37:20.728 --> 37:22.101
what I\'m asking God for.

37:22.101 --> 37:23.358
(members praising)

37:23.358 --> 37:24.855
And if you want it bad enough,

37:24.855 --> 37:28.278
well then you won\'t let nothing or nobody

37:28.278 --> 37:29.281
shake your faith.

37:29.281 --> 37:30.612
(members praising)

37:30.612 --> 37:31.445
Amen?

37:31.445 --> 37:32.300
- [Members] Amen.

37:32.300 --> 37:34.725
♫ Do you need something

37:34.725 --> 37:36.030
♫ From the Lord

37:36.030 --> 37:38.830
♫ Whatever your problem may be

37:38.830 --> 37:41.354
♫ You can talk to the Lord about it

37:41.354 --> 37:43.130
♫ And He will

37:43.130 --> 37:45.417
♫ He\'ll work it out for you

37:45.417 --> 37:48.298
♫ He worked it out for me one day

37:48.298 --> 37:50.712
♫ Have you ever tried Him?

37:50.712 --> 37:53.051
♫ Have you ever tried Him?

37:53.051 --> 37:56.470
♫ He will take care of you

37:56.470 --> 37:59.431
(clapping)

37:59.431 --> 38:02.014
(church music)

38:10.985 --> 38:14.902
(members singing church music)

38:39.223 --> 38:42.224
You go back and look at Proverb 30 and 10,

38:42.224 --> 38:45.104
the virtue of woman then it tells you what to look for

38:45.104 --> 38:47.688
when you\'re looking for a wife.

38:47.688 --> 38:49.728
It tells us that we should look for a woman

38:49.728 --> 38:51.863
that will take care

38:51.863 --> 38:53.113
of her husband.

38:53.989 --> 38:55.285
Take care of her children.

38:55.285 --> 38:58.825
Tells about how she rise up early in the morning

38:58.825 --> 39:00.997
to prepare a meal for her children

39:00.997 --> 39:02.957
even though she kind of neglecting herself.

39:02.957 --> 39:06.136
But she taking care of her duty.

39:06.136 --> 39:09.845
A man, he should be able to take care of his family.

39:09.845 --> 39:12.429
You know, he ought to be a provider.

39:12.429 --> 39:14.730
And if he can\'t take care of his family,

39:14.730 --> 39:16.980
he\'s not too much of a man.

39:17.972 --> 39:20.721
You can find a lot of daddy.

39:20.721 --> 39:23.850
But you don\'t find a whole lot of father.

39:23.850 --> 39:25.189
A father is a good man.

39:25.189 --> 39:27.814
He\'s gonna accept his responsibility

39:27.814 --> 39:29.315
and he gonna take care of it.

39:29.315 --> 39:32.148
(members singing)

39:33.034 --> 39:34.616
And that\'s one of the things that I say here

39:34.616 --> 39:36.570
and I tell the congregation.

39:36.570 --> 39:38.738
If you want something, you gotta do something

39:38.738 --> 39:40.155
to get something.

39:41.495 --> 39:44.330
So you gotta do something to get what you want.

39:44.330 --> 39:47.997
(members singing, praising)

39:56.613 --> 39:59.007
♫ Ain\'t He good

39:59.007 --> 40:00.767
♫ Oh yes He is

40:00.767 --> 40:03.186
♫ I said Jesus

40:03.186 --> 40:05.312
♫ Oh He been mighty nice

40:05.312 --> 40:07.741
♫ Hey hey hey

40:07.741 --> 40:10.040
♫ I know you have

40:10.040 --> 40:10.974
♫ I know

40:10.974 --> 40:14.167
♫ He\'s been so good to me

40:14.167 --> 40:16.496
(thundering)

40:16.496 --> 40:18.663
(raining)

40:33.835 --> 40:37.050
- My mother told me about two years before she died.

40:37.050 --> 40:39.689
I asked her, I said mama what time of day I was born.

40:39.689 --> 40:41.426
She said 12:00 A.M.

40:41.426 --> 40:44.593
On the thirteenth of February in 1946.

40:46.137 --> 40:47.637
And I\'ve been here

40:50.144 --> 40:51.644
every since birth.

40:53.068 --> 40:55.778
It\'s the only sadness I ever had in my life.

40:55.778 --> 40:59.820
Only sadness I hope to have in my life.

40:59.820 --> 41:00.653
And...

41:02.034 --> 41:06.493
It\'s just been wonderful as far as I\'m concerned.

41:06.493 --> 41:08.462
I would have liked to have been a millionaire though.

41:08.462 --> 41:10.879
(thundering)

41:15.696 --> 41:18.979
People been talking love and preaching love

41:18.979 --> 41:21.472
as long as I can remember.

41:21.472 --> 41:25.639
But what it basically boils down to the real fact.

41:26.640 --> 41:30.807
To me love only means M-O-N-E-Y.

41:31.979 --> 41:35.063
Without that you can limit yourself to how much love

41:35.063 --> 41:36.230
you gonna get.

41:37.788 --> 41:38.825
And where it\'s gonna take you

41:38.825 --> 41:40.782
and what it\'s gonna do for you.

41:40.782 --> 41:43.491
(thundering)

41:43.491 --> 41:45.911
(flute music)

41:45.911 --> 41:47.665
The thing about money is,

41:47.665 --> 41:50.332
that\'s what it takes to survive.

41:51.956 --> 41:53.873
Love is the big crutch.

41:56.421 --> 41:58.338
You got fatal diseases.

41:59.522 --> 42:01.262
You have people losing their homes

42:01.262 --> 42:02.929
and stuff like that.

42:04.099 --> 42:05.814
Where\'s the love?

42:05.814 --> 42:08.017
\'Cause if I could give it to the President,

42:08.017 --> 42:10.477
everybody have health care.

42:10.477 --> 42:11.810
You can say, eh.

42:13.936 --> 42:15.603
Everybody have cars.

42:17.356 --> 42:19.107
A place to stay.

42:19.107 --> 42:20.470
Food to eat.

42:20.470 --> 42:23.905
But the system don\'t work that way.

42:23.905 --> 42:25.621
People don\'t work that way.

42:25.621 --> 42:27.704
Love don\'t work that way.

42:31.416 --> 42:33.383
Folks in nursing homes

42:33.383 --> 42:37.597
and city commission got a lot of people at zero.

42:37.597 --> 42:40.002
Half of them don\'t even know they own name.

42:40.002 --> 42:41.419
Where\'s the love?

42:47.719 --> 42:52.391
How you think the soldiers feel when he\'s lost his legs?

42:52.391 --> 42:54.269
Come back home,

42:54.269 --> 42:56.772
don\'t have nowhere to stay?

42:56.772 --> 43:00.234
And the government won\'t send him his check.

43:00.234 --> 43:01.651
So, where\'s love?

43:08.907 --> 43:11.914
I guess you say I\'m a hard person to sell on love.

43:11.914 --> 43:14.331
(thundering)

43:22.572 --> 43:25.322
(rhythmic music)

43:32.409 --> 43:33.895
- Appreciate that.

43:33.895 --> 43:36.145
(pounding)

43:42.151 --> 43:44.319
- I come from the dirty south, Mississippi.

43:44.319 --> 43:47.821
Poorest state in the United States.

43:47.821 --> 43:49.248
I mean, love is a luxury.

43:49.248 --> 43:50.910
Everybody doesn\'t have it.

43:50.910 --> 43:53.410
I mean everybody can\'t get it.

43:54.537 --> 43:56.997
But if you say you love somebody,

43:56.997 --> 43:58.998
now a days, people play with that word.

43:58.998 --> 44:01.769
To the point where it doesn\'t mean anything now.

44:01.769 --> 44:03.186
It\'s just a word.

44:05.255 --> 44:06.508
- [Mimi] So what\'s your love story?

44:06.508 --> 44:07.344
What happened?

44:07.344 --> 44:08.388
- My love story?

44:08.388 --> 44:09.553
(scoffs)

44:09.553 --> 44:12.601
(pounding)

44:12.601 --> 44:15.473
Me and this girl, we was together for about three years.

44:15.473 --> 44:16.533
I loved her.

44:16.533 --> 44:19.022
She said she loved me.

44:19.022 --> 44:20.439
But she vanished.

44:21.936 --> 44:23.317
She left me dry man.

44:23.317 --> 44:26.825
She could have just wrote letter, say hey.

44:26.825 --> 44:28.118
But nah, it was nothing.

44:28.118 --> 44:30.661
It was like she just forgot all about me.

44:30.661 --> 44:33.161
(flute music)

44:38.916 --> 44:39.915
I don\'t think you can get over,

44:39.915 --> 44:42.252
can you get over love?

44:42.252 --> 44:43.335
I don\'t know.

44:44.723 --> 44:46.882
Still hurting though I mean, it still hurt right now.

44:46.882 --> 44:48.217
I mean, talking about it.

44:48.217 --> 44:50.843
Like damn, I get to thinking about like damn.

44:50.843 --> 44:53.426
(scoffs) Yeah.

44:55.975 --> 44:57.393
That\'s why I say if I see her right NOW,

44:57.393 --> 44:58.403
if she came walking right now,

44:58.403 --> 44:59.529
I wouldn\'t know what I\'d do.

44:59.529 --> 45:02.650
I don\'t know if I\'d get up and say hey to her

45:02.650 --> 45:05.567
or a hug or just walk off or

45:05.567 --> 45:07.154
be like man (scoff).

45:07.154 --> 45:08.861
You know, and dip, I don\'t know.

45:08.861 --> 45:11.861
I mean, only time will tell I guess.

45:15.989 --> 45:17.286
They say if it was real love,

45:17.286 --> 45:19.036
then it\'ll come back.

45:19.952 --> 45:21.039
- [Mimi] Who says that?

45:21.039 --> 45:22.715
- The old people.

45:22.715 --> 45:25.798
You know. (laughing)

45:29.891 --> 45:32.653
Man I still got feelings for her, type of thing

45:32.653 --> 45:35.014
but I don\'t want to, you know what I\'m saying.

45:35.014 --> 45:36.558
I don\'t want to have the feelings.

45:36.558 --> 45:37.944
Some I\'m gonna hide \'em, I\'ll be like.

45:37.944 --> 45:40.813
Mm mm, ain\'t got no feelings.

45:40.813 --> 45:44.396
\'Cause it hurts to have feelings.

45:44.396 --> 45:45.229
I guess.

45:46.527 --> 45:48.777
(pounding)

45:56.246 --> 45:58.746
(flute music)

46:10.262 --> 46:11.350
- [Elder] Hello Mimi.

46:11.350 --> 46:12.480
This is Elder.

46:12.480 --> 46:15.306
I\'m just calling to see how you\'re doing and all that.

46:15.306 --> 46:16.680
Look, today I didn\'t do that much.

46:16.680 --> 46:18.683
I went down to Walgreens.

46:18.683 --> 46:21.350
You know, Gib and Pablo had come back

46:21.350 --> 46:23.697
and I get so much of this junk mail so.

46:23.697 --> 46:25.242
Sometime I let it build up.

46:25.242 --> 46:26.970
I worked on that before I could pay the bills.

46:26.970 --> 46:29.862
Had a few bills to pay and things like that.

46:29.862 --> 46:31.568
So I just thought I\'d give you a little buzz

46:31.568 --> 46:34.534
and you know check you out.

46:34.534 --> 46:37.957
You have a beautiful day with your beautiful self.

46:37.957 --> 46:38.790
Bye bye.

46:39.912 --> 46:42.412
(flute music)

46:44.583 --> 46:47.416
(wipers whirring)

46:49.508 --> 46:52.465
- What do you expect to hear?

46:52.465 --> 46:55.802
There\'s centuries of people trying to define

46:55.802 --> 46:57.095
what love is.

46:57.095 --> 46:59.053
What do you expect to hear?

46:59.053 --> 47:00.720
Something different?

47:04.644 --> 47:06.185
Do I believe in love?

47:06.185 --> 47:09.602
(laughing) I don\'t know.

47:10.763 --> 47:13.064
(pulsating music)

47:13.064 --> 47:15.814
I\'ve been married too many times.

47:18.320 --> 47:21.903
They were all beautiful, intelligent women.

47:25.119 --> 47:28.460
The first one, my child, fear of God.

47:28.460 --> 47:30.456
Oh I have to get married.

47:30.456 --> 47:31.418
Bullshit.

47:31.418 --> 47:35.251
The second one, it was just a practical thing.

47:36.256 --> 47:39.205
I was too busy making money.

47:39.205 --> 47:41.135
I needed a woman next to me.

47:41.135 --> 47:44.055
And the third one, I was drunk. (laughing)

47:44.055 --> 47:46.183
I don\'t know but I really don\'t know

47:46.183 --> 47:49.353
what the fuck happened there.

47:49.353 --> 47:50.764
If I could go back in time,

47:50.764 --> 47:53.264
I\'d marry my first wife again.

47:54.788 --> 47:57.405
Or my second one or my third one.

47:57.405 --> 48:00.070
Again, they were perfect.

48:00.070 --> 48:02.108
It was just the timing.

48:02.108 --> 48:04.858
It depends where you are in time.

48:06.166 --> 48:08.583
(hands clap)

48:09.587 --> 48:10.587
That\'s love.

48:12.132 --> 48:14.965
(wipers whirring)

48:22.506 --> 48:25.589
(seagulls squawking)

48:33.864 --> 48:36.864
(ship horn blowing)

48:41.378 --> 48:43.628
(laughing)

48:45.748 --> 48:48.331
(upbeat music)

48:55.168 --> 48:58.006
- I really wanted to see the world to make some money.

48:58.006 --> 49:00.971
So I did that and I loved the freedom

49:00.971 --> 49:02.461
my life has provided.

49:02.461 --> 49:03.637
- [Friend] Are we staying for dinner?

49:03.637 --> 49:05.147
Are you making enough for us?

49:05.147 --> 49:07.139
Well I can bring cheese.

49:07.139 --> 49:09.141
- You\'re welcome to stay.

49:09.141 --> 49:10.722
But at the same time,

49:10.722 --> 49:14.479
you know money is also a very interesting subject

49:14.479 --> 49:15.940
when it comes to love

49:15.940 --> 49:19.943
because money brings out the best in people

49:19.943 --> 49:21.943
and the worst in people.

49:23.114 --> 49:26.365
- Risotto is the dish of romance.

49:26.365 --> 49:28.619
When you make risotto,

49:28.619 --> 49:32.536
you should be in perfect harmony with yourself.

49:33.541 --> 49:37.175
It\'s going to give you so much pleasure later.

49:37.175 --> 49:39.836
But it\'s worth spending 15 or 20 minutes

49:39.836 --> 49:43.299
over a hot stove stirring very slowly.

49:43.299 --> 49:45.510
You\'re doing it too fast.

49:45.510 --> 49:48.059
It can be like seducing a woman.

49:48.059 --> 49:49.643
You see, you\'re much too fast.

49:49.643 --> 49:50.643
(laughing)

49:50.643 --> 49:52.101
- Okay, big shot.

49:52.101 --> 49:55.306
- Meeting, flirty, getting to know each other.

49:55.306 --> 49:57.648
And wanting each other.

49:57.648 --> 50:00.069
Did you ever get that far with a woman?

50:00.069 --> 50:01.652
- You\'re really enjoying this huh?

50:01.652 --> 50:02.652
- I love it.

50:04.072 --> 50:06.990
- I\'ve been in love with a few women along the way.

50:06.990 --> 50:11.161
But none of whom I ever really thought I should marry.

50:11.161 --> 50:13.209
I always found a reason not to.

50:13.209 --> 50:15.042
- [Mimi] Like what?

50:15.042 --> 50:17.962
- Like the thought of if I had to have dinner

50:17.962 --> 50:19.631
with this girl for the rest of my life,

50:19.631 --> 50:21.796
I think I\'ll shoot myself.

50:21.796 --> 50:25.298
And it didn\'t mean I didn\'t like the woman, right?

50:25.298 --> 50:28.344
But it only meant that, if this is it,

50:28.344 --> 50:29.926
I\'m not ready for it.

50:29.926 --> 50:31.479
It\'s a ritual that is going to give you

50:31.479 --> 50:32.854
so much pleasure later.

50:32.854 --> 50:36.356
So there\'s a pattern there I guess.

50:36.356 --> 50:38.737
And I can always say I wanna break that pattern

50:38.737 --> 50:40.486
but whose gonna believe me now.

50:40.486 --> 50:43.042
If you rush it\'s never good.

50:43.042 --> 50:47.209
(light piano music) (overlapping dialogues)

50:54.746 --> 50:57.838
I am not following the script.

50:57.838 --> 50:59.465
You\'re suppose to get married.

50:59.465 --> 51:00.883
Then have children.

51:00.883 --> 51:03.559
And then they all marry each other.

51:03.559 --> 51:06.392
That\'s kind of the mentality here.

51:10.728 --> 51:14.311
I actually did fall for a girl last summer.

51:15.859 --> 51:18.873
But once I broached the subject of

51:18.873 --> 51:21.206
going to the next level, no.

51:22.315 --> 51:25.691
She just said no it\'s not for me.

51:25.691 --> 51:26.524
So.

51:28.364 --> 51:30.992
I hear she got a dog instead.

51:30.992 --> 51:33.037
(bird squawking)

51:33.037 --> 51:33.995
- [Friend 1] Oh they had lobster?

51:33.995 --> 51:35.127
Was the lobster good?

51:35.127 --> 51:38.073
- [Friend 2] This is way better than the other place.

51:38.073 --> 51:40.135
- What I think is a real problem

51:40.135 --> 51:44.007
is that these days, everybody\'s texting each other.

51:44.007 --> 51:46.717
And that drives me crazy.

51:46.717 --> 51:50.884
I don\'t understand how people have relationships doing that.

51:53.011 --> 51:55.781
They expect you to text them all day long.

51:55.781 --> 51:58.146
I\'m really not ready for that.

51:58.146 --> 51:59.511
But I hear that\'s what goes on.

51:59.511 --> 52:02.020
Have you ever had a texting relationship?

52:02.020 --> 52:04.687
(classic music)

52:06.282 --> 52:09.327
I haven\'t taken great risks emotionally.

52:09.327 --> 52:13.535
And I regret that I haven\'t found a life partner.

52:13.535 --> 52:16.452
But I haven\'t really given up hope.

52:18.791 --> 52:21.004
I\'m always looking, I am.

52:21.004 --> 52:23.671
(classic music)

52:29.647 --> 52:32.564
(car horn blaring)

52:36.140 --> 52:37.058
- [Mimi] What road is this?

52:37.058 --> 52:39.014
- This is the FDR.

52:39.014 --> 52:41.651
I actually know where the different pot holes are

52:41.651 --> 52:43.484
on the road.

52:43.484 --> 52:47.484
Because I you know, live on this road every day.

52:49.779 --> 52:51.241
(car horn blaring)

52:51.241 --> 52:53.619
It\'s, I feel sometimes like I\'ve died

52:53.619 --> 52:55.740
and left my soul on the FDR

52:55.740 --> 52:57.907
because it is just brutal.

52:58.913 --> 53:01.413
(flute music)

53:07.132 --> 53:09.676
You know, it\'s interesting.

53:09.676 --> 53:10.509
Like...

53:12.444 --> 53:16.027
I still feel at some points like I\'m trying

53:17.100 --> 53:18.645
to win over my wife.

53:18.645 --> 53:21.230
Like I\'m trying to court her

53:21.230 --> 53:25.022
or make her feel good about us as a couple.

53:25.022 --> 53:28.404
Like you know, I do, I\'m a big believer in like,

53:28.404 --> 53:29.904
you know the hunt.

53:31.069 --> 53:34.627
And my wife has always, she can be elusive.

53:34.627 --> 53:36.044
She\'s like a cat.

53:37.246 --> 53:41.166
She\'s my dream girl and sometimes I feel really secure

53:41.166 --> 53:43.044
and I know my wife loves me

53:43.044 --> 53:44.708
and we have these beautiful children.

53:44.708 --> 53:47.625
And you know, we have a great life.

53:49.341 --> 53:51.344
But sometimes I think,

53:51.344 --> 53:52.844
what if next week,

53:54.095 --> 53:56.011
my wife told me,

53:56.011 --> 53:58.138
don\'t come home.

53:58.138 --> 54:00.427
And I just think, that would be awful.

54:00.427 --> 54:03.427
And so I better do whatever I can to

54:05.231 --> 54:08.898
you know, make sure that that never happens.

54:12.904 --> 54:14.580
Okay, this is my wife, hold on a second.

54:14.580 --> 54:16.495
(cellphone chiming)

54:16.495 --> 54:18.287
Hi sweetheart.

54:18.287 --> 54:19.498
- [Wife] Hi.

54:19.498 --> 54:21.372
- You should see Route four right now,

54:21.372 --> 54:22.705
it\'s not pretty.

54:25.665 --> 54:26.498
All right.

54:26.498 --> 54:27.331
- [Wife] I\'ll see you at three, all right.

54:27.331 --> 54:29.081
- All right, bye bye.

54:30.211 --> 54:32.711
(flute music)

54:37.685 --> 54:39.435
All right we\'re home.

54:41.300 --> 54:42.633
- [Child] Da da.

54:44.583 --> 54:45.416
- Woe.

54:46.782 --> 54:47.615
- More?

54:47.615 --> 54:49.102
- Okay.

54:49.102 --> 54:49.935
Woe.

54:51.275 --> 54:52.406
All right ready?

54:52.406 --> 54:53.446
You want this book right?

54:53.446 --> 54:54.279
- [Kid] Hm hm.

54:54.279 --> 54:56.153
- Okay, point to your eyes.

54:56.153 --> 54:58.196
Mouth and nose.

54:58.196 --> 54:59.822
Wiggle your fingers.

54:59.822 --> 55:01.661
Wiggle your toes.

55:01.661 --> 55:03.209
And daddy tickles you.

55:03.209 --> 55:05.710
(grunting) I\'m gonna tickle you.

55:05.710 --> 55:07.706
- I love you (cooing). - Night night.

55:07.706 --> 55:10.206
(flute music)

55:14.756 --> 55:18.314
I walked into the corporate showroom in New York City.

55:18.314 --> 55:19.637
And I saw this car.

55:19.637 --> 55:21.473
And I was like I wanna buy that.

55:21.473 --> 55:22.517
I want to get one and they were like

55:22.517 --> 55:23.366
well you just can\'t get one.

55:23.366 --> 55:24.977
You know, we get a certain allocation.

55:24.977 --> 55:26.328
And if you want the convertible,

55:26.328 --> 55:28.310
we\'d probably pay 50 over sticker.

55:28.310 --> 55:30.354
And I\'m like, what!

55:30.354 --> 55:32.736
I\'m like, I don\'t pay like 50 over sticker

55:32.736 --> 55:36.657
for a car, it\'s like a depreciating asset, right.

55:36.657 --> 55:38.122
Then I started like doing some research

55:38.122 --> 55:40.621
and I realized there\'s only like 15 of these for sale

55:40.621 --> 55:41.501
in the country and they\'re all

55:41.501 --> 55:43.370
listed over the sticker price.

55:43.370 --> 55:44.912
And I was like wow.

55:44.912 --> 55:47.542
So I called the dealership, they won\'t take my offer.

55:47.542 --> 55:48.628
The are really rare.

55:48.628 --> 55:50.292
They don\'t make a lot of these.

55:50.292 --> 55:52.671
(flute music)

55:52.671 --> 55:54.504
Three days later, the guy calls me.

55:54.504 --> 55:56.343
He goes, Justin, here we\'re taking an order today

55:56.343 --> 55:57.930
for a new Ferrari.

55:57.930 --> 55:58.886
Congratulations.

55:58.886 --> 56:01.636
(engine revving)

56:03.725 --> 56:04.975
Look at this color.

56:04.975 --> 56:07.808
This is the greatest color of any car I\'ve ever seen.

56:07.808 --> 56:09.812
And it\'s like when you can\'t have something.

56:09.812 --> 56:11.484
It makes you want it more.

56:11.484 --> 56:13.984
(flute music)

56:16.197 --> 56:18.169
That\'s like with love too.

56:18.169 --> 56:19.448
Right, with women right.

56:19.448 --> 56:22.282
Or when you want something, you can\'t have it.

56:22.282 --> 56:25.247
(flute music)

56:25.247 --> 56:27.536
My wife, the first date I looked into her eyes

56:27.536 --> 56:29.666
and I was like, your eyes are amazing.

56:29.666 --> 56:32.168
And she was like, that line is so recycled.

56:32.168 --> 56:34.546
And I was like, I really don\'t like you.

56:34.546 --> 56:36.759
But I\'m like, but I do, you know.

56:36.759 --> 56:38.718
Like that\'s a challenge.

56:38.718 --> 56:39.928
I proposed that sunset.

56:39.928 --> 56:41.637
I had the whole thing planned.

56:41.637 --> 56:44.137
I went on a knee and I said hun,

56:44.137 --> 56:45.723
will you marry me?

56:45.723 --> 56:48.001
And she goes, awe.

56:48.001 --> 56:49.251
I\'ll marry you.

56:50.142 --> 56:52.230
And I go no, really.

56:52.230 --> 56:53.693
Will you marry me?

56:53.693 --> 56:55.693
And she goes, yeah, yes.

56:56.856 --> 56:58.439
And I felt awesome.

56:59.648 --> 57:02.193
There\'s nothing like meaningful

57:02.193 --> 57:05.115
that I need or want anymore.

57:05.115 --> 57:07.331
Like I said, you know, before I just

57:07.331 --> 57:08.248
now have to

57:10.456 --> 57:13.675
try not to lose what I already have.

57:13.675 --> 57:16.175
(flute music)

57:17.127 --> 57:20.127
(crickets chirping)

57:39.780 --> 57:42.075
- I\'ll tell you a little story.

57:42.075 --> 57:44.617
I have all these nicknames all over the place.

57:44.617 --> 57:47.618
I figured out the other day I think over 20 nicknames.

57:47.618 --> 57:50.472
My nickname in Guatemala is Tica.

57:50.472 --> 57:53.372
Because when I was little, I was chubby.

57:53.372 --> 57:56.166
So my mother decided to call me Dickwanst

57:56.166 --> 57:59.176
which means fatso in German you know.

57:59.176 --> 58:00.926
Dickwanst means fatso.

58:00.926 --> 58:02.628
But the maids who took care of me

58:02.628 --> 58:06.378
couldn\'t pronounce it so they called me Tica.

58:07.933 --> 58:09.809
But talking about love,

58:09.809 --> 58:12.561
I\'ve been married twice.

58:12.561 --> 58:15.644
- [Mimi] So who was your first marriage?

58:15.644 --> 58:18.019
- Oh a beautiful girl.

58:18.019 --> 58:20.395
I don\'t know, I don\'t think I have a picture

58:20.395 --> 58:22.071
I may have something.

58:22.071 --> 58:23.654
She was Guatemalan.

58:25.756 --> 58:28.239
This is a great story I have to tell you.

58:28.239 --> 58:30.989
(rhythmic music)

58:35.753 --> 58:36.958
I went to Guatemala.

58:36.958 --> 58:39.651
Of course, I was almost 30.

58:39.651 --> 58:41.714
And in those days, if you were 30,

58:41.714 --> 58:44.420
you were in trouble if you hadn\'t married yet.

58:44.420 --> 58:46.516
(upbeat music)

58:46.516 --> 58:49.344
So I go to this party in Guatemala.

58:49.344 --> 58:52.020
You know, younger people there.

58:52.020 --> 58:54.687
Among them, my future wife.

58:54.687 --> 58:57.354
(magical music)

58:58.856 --> 59:01.773
We had a great, great relationship.

59:02.987 --> 59:05.404
And then we had a little son.

59:06.368 --> 59:08.827
And I was always madly in love with her

59:08.827 --> 59:11.363
and I think she was also madly in love with me.

59:11.363 --> 59:13.363
Until, this gym teacher.

59:16.589 --> 59:19.210
She was very much into this exercise stuff

59:19.210 --> 59:22.425
and she went and did gym classes.

59:22.425 --> 59:25.923
I started sensing that there was something

59:25.923 --> 59:27.177
funny going on.

59:27.177 --> 59:28.347
(suspenseful music)

59:28.347 --> 59:32.203
She was all the time, on the telephone.

59:32.203 --> 59:36.097
And at one point, when I found that she was behaving

59:36.097 --> 59:38.104
very very strangely,

59:38.104 --> 59:40.415
I wanted my phone tapped.

59:40.415 --> 59:42.942
All true story at this point.

59:42.942 --> 59:45.903
I mean it doesn\'t sound true, but it\'s true.

59:45.903 --> 59:50.445
(suspenseful music) (rotary telephone dialing)

59:50.445 --> 59:53.112
(phone ringing)

59:55.412 --> 59:56.579
So I listened.

59:58.414 --> 01:00:01.164
She\'s talking to the gym teacher.

01:00:02.711 --> 01:00:05.257
I went to my father in-law.

01:00:05.257 --> 01:00:07.090
I said, I want you to be with me.

01:00:07.090 --> 01:00:08.467
I\'m gonna confront her

01:00:08.467 --> 01:00:11.258
because I knew they had gone to his house.

01:00:11.258 --> 01:00:13.479
I had a gun with me incidentally.

01:00:13.479 --> 01:00:17.272
(suspenseful music)

01:00:17.272 --> 01:00:19.477
We drove over there and you know,

01:00:19.477 --> 01:00:21.729
you don\'t really think very rationally anymore

01:00:21.729 --> 01:00:25.692
because it\'s just emotions that are driving your adrenaline.

01:00:25.692 --> 01:00:26.609
(door shuts)

01:00:26.609 --> 01:00:28.243
Rang the bell (bell rings).

01:00:28.243 --> 01:00:29.987
And a maid came out.

01:00:29.987 --> 01:00:32.289
I said I want to speak to (bleeping).

01:00:32.289 --> 01:00:35.968
And she says, oh I\'m sorry but he is busy right now.

01:00:35.968 --> 01:00:38.248
I went straight up the stairs and opened all the doors

01:00:38.248 --> 01:00:42.329
and there was obviously one door that was locked.

01:00:42.329 --> 01:00:45.579
And I ran three times against the door.

01:00:47.044 --> 01:00:49.550
Until the whole door (lips trill) fell down.

01:00:49.550 --> 01:00:51.121
(door slams)

01:00:51.121 --> 01:00:52.691
(suspenseful music)

01:00:52.691 --> 01:00:56.560
My wife was under the sheets in his bed,

01:00:56.560 --> 01:01:01.316
screaming in English, I want to die, I want to die.

01:01:01.316 --> 01:01:03.385
And the guy had hidden in the closet.

01:01:03.385 --> 01:01:05.077
There, so I opened up the closet.

01:01:05.077 --> 01:01:06.999
He ran out and stood against the wall

01:01:06.999 --> 01:01:09.404
next to the bed completely naked.

01:01:09.404 --> 01:01:11.177
And I just pulled out my gun,

01:01:11.177 --> 01:01:12.414
I was gonna shoot him you know,

01:01:12.414 --> 01:01:14.743
I mean I don\'t take shit from anyone, okay.

01:01:14.743 --> 01:01:16.493
I was gonna kill him.

01:01:17.612 --> 01:01:20.502
My father in-law standing on my left.

01:01:20.502 --> 01:01:21.790
(heart pumping)

01:01:21.790 --> 01:01:25.790
He kept yelling, \"kill him, kill him, kill him!\"

01:01:26.835 --> 01:01:29.502
(heart pumping)

01:01:30.465 --> 01:01:31.465
To this day,

01:01:33.239 --> 01:01:37.098
I don\'t understand why I didn\'t kill him.

01:01:37.098 --> 01:01:38.181
But I didn\'t.

01:01:41.031 --> 01:01:42.816
At that moment, I turned around

01:01:42.816 --> 01:01:45.896
and said to my father in-law.

01:01:45.896 --> 01:01:48.864
I said, lead in this gun in not worth wasting

01:01:48.864 --> 01:01:50.901
on that son of a bitch.

01:01:50.901 --> 01:01:53.010
Walked down the stairs, got into the car

01:01:53.010 --> 01:01:54.461
and drove home.

01:01:54.461 --> 01:01:58.451
And left him with his daughter and the gym teacher.

01:01:58.451 --> 01:02:01.166
And I don\'t know what happened there, I never asked him.

01:02:01.166 --> 01:02:03.749
(somber music)

01:02:10.712 --> 01:02:13.545
It took me a long, long, time time

01:02:15.475 --> 01:02:17.636
to get over that.

01:02:17.636 --> 01:02:20.054
I mean the passion and love for this woman

01:02:20.054 --> 01:02:23.324
was very very deep and intense.

01:02:23.324 --> 01:02:24.157
And...

01:02:25.853 --> 01:02:27.270
The hurt was big.

01:02:29.071 --> 01:02:30.232
I can\'t tell you.

01:02:30.232 --> 01:02:32.232
I mean I was devastated.

01:02:34.907 --> 01:02:37.283
But my philosophy is,

01:02:37.283 --> 01:02:40.826
bad things, you solve right away.

01:02:40.826 --> 01:02:42.909
Good things you let grow.

01:02:46.374 --> 01:02:49.624
(pensive somber music)

01:02:54.845 --> 01:02:57.119
- I know the world is mysterious to lots of people

01:02:57.119 --> 01:02:59.418
and I understand why things happen.

01:02:59.418 --> 01:03:01.835
And too, they create stories.

01:03:03.064 --> 01:03:05.981
(slow piano music)

01:03:07.275 --> 01:03:09.111
I love stories.

01:03:09.111 --> 01:03:11.240
People learn by a story.

01:03:11.240 --> 01:03:15.407
And those stories shape how we understand the world.

01:03:16.501 --> 01:03:20.668
I was diagnosed with a rare liver disease in 2002.

01:03:21.503 --> 01:03:25.209
And then starting in 2009, my liver started to fail.

01:03:25.209 --> 01:03:27.251
And progressively, things got stranger.

01:03:27.251 --> 01:03:29.066
All of the hair on my body fell out.

01:03:29.066 --> 01:03:31.723
My neck got almost two inches smaller.

01:03:31.723 --> 01:03:34.636
I had to buy boy\'s clothes.

01:03:34.636 --> 01:03:36.136
And I was weak.

01:03:36.136 --> 01:03:39.057
I\'m over six feet tall and I got down to weighing,

01:03:39.057 --> 01:03:41.807
at the low, I weighed 124 pounds.

01:03:42.645 --> 01:03:46.105
I had to hope for live donor transplant.

01:03:46.105 --> 01:03:49.192
Someone else donating part of their liver.

01:03:49.192 --> 01:03:52.073
I needed a friend to be willing to do this.

01:03:52.073 --> 01:03:53.780
I had no other options.

01:03:53.780 --> 01:03:56.530
This was just before the surgery.

01:04:00.369 --> 01:04:03.369
Last summer was sort of a breakthrough.

01:04:03.369 --> 01:04:05.202
The last year has been

01:04:07.582 --> 01:04:10.136
the ability is to look ahead.

01:04:10.136 --> 01:04:14.303
\'Cause it\'s probably the first time I\'ve looked ahead since

01:04:15.803 --> 01:04:17.303
eh, a dozen years.

01:04:18.802 --> 01:04:20.868
We met when we were 18 years old.

01:04:20.868 --> 01:04:24.285
We have been married for almost 20 years.

01:04:25.895 --> 01:04:28.481
And we didn\'t think about the future for 12 years.

01:04:28.481 --> 01:04:31.398
(reflective music)

01:04:36.532 --> 01:04:37.831
Before I go much further,

01:04:37.831 --> 01:04:40.380
so the meal, is we\'re each gonna have

01:04:40.380 --> 01:04:43.963
six very nice little clams with some fennel and cilantro.

01:04:43.963 --> 01:04:47.301
A simple pasta with broccoli rub and some cheese.

01:04:47.301 --> 01:04:50.134
And then we\'re gonna have a salad.

01:04:52.959 --> 01:04:55.466
There really wasn\'t much left that I could do

01:04:55.466 --> 01:04:56.687
when I was sick.

01:04:56.687 --> 01:04:57.890
I couldn\'t remember people\'s names

01:04:57.890 --> 01:04:59.350
and I couldn\'t function very well

01:04:59.350 --> 01:05:03.013
but the one thing I could do was cook.

01:05:03.013 --> 01:05:04.768
So, I would set out as my goal,

01:05:04.768 --> 01:05:06.809
I\'d make everybody dinner.

01:05:06.809 --> 01:05:09.461
And actually first I\'m gonna do

01:05:09.461 --> 01:05:11.089
my wife will be very glad to see me do

01:05:11.089 --> 01:05:13.172
which is put on an apron.

01:05:16.042 --> 01:05:18.709
I ruin too many clothes cooking.

01:05:23.407 --> 01:05:25.285
You asked earlier about what I do.

01:05:25.285 --> 01:05:27.202
And what I think about.

01:05:28.290 --> 01:05:30.819
I\'m an economist and I had to do that,

01:05:30.819 --> 01:05:32.244
I was obsessed with why.

01:05:32.244 --> 01:05:34.501
Why is the main question that I\'ve been interested

01:05:34.501 --> 01:05:37.629
in my whole life and it\'s overwhelming.

01:05:37.629 --> 01:05:40.629
I\'m always trying to figure out why.

01:05:42.719 --> 01:05:46.181
And one of my better skills as an analyst

01:05:46.181 --> 01:05:50.264
is seeing a problem and knowing it\'s intractable

01:05:50.264 --> 01:05:51.431
and moving on.

01:05:52.973 --> 01:05:55.725
- [Mimi] Spencer, let me ask you something.

01:05:55.725 --> 01:05:59.403
Do you think there is such a thing as a love of your life?

01:05:59.403 --> 01:06:01.075
- There is for me.

01:06:01.075 --> 01:06:02.408
Yeah.

01:06:02.408 --> 01:06:04.325
I\'ve been in love once.

01:06:05.244 --> 01:06:06.407
- [Mimi] And that\'s with your wife?

01:06:06.407 --> 01:06:07.824
- [Spencer] Yeah.

01:06:09.165 --> 01:06:10.913
- [Mimi] Do you realize how rare that is?

01:06:10.913 --> 01:06:12.330
- [Spencer] Sure.

01:06:13.167 --> 01:06:15.921
- [Mimi] How do you explain that?

01:06:15.921 --> 01:06:19.293
- And this is the one question I don\'t ask.

01:06:19.293 --> 01:06:20.543
There\'s no why.

01:06:22.848 --> 01:06:27.016
The rational economist in me knows the limitations.

01:06:28.772 --> 01:06:31.057
Love has this lovely quality that

01:06:31.057 --> 01:06:34.812
I don\'t know that would yield to analysis.

01:06:34.812 --> 01:06:38.979
But for me, that\'s the most alive part of my life.

01:06:47.258 --> 01:06:49.925
(pensive music)

01:06:51.032 --> 01:06:52.542
Several people have said,

01:06:52.542 --> 01:06:54.290
you\'ve been through the worse thing you be through.

01:06:54.290 --> 01:06:55.625
I said no.

01:06:55.625 --> 01:06:58.165
Divorce would be the worst.

01:06:58.165 --> 01:06:59.379
Divorce would be so much worse

01:06:59.379 --> 01:07:02.922
than getting sick the way I got sick.

01:07:02.922 --> 01:07:05.676
Frailty and death will happen to all of us.

01:07:05.676 --> 01:07:07.926
I just got a preview of it.

01:07:09.998 --> 01:07:14.595
Losing that love would be worse than losing life.

01:07:14.595 --> 01:07:18.095
That\'s, I don\'t have any doubt about that.

01:07:21.024 --> 01:07:25.107
I don\'t know whether that answered your question.

01:07:26.069 --> 01:07:29.829
- [Mimi] More than you\'ll ever know.

01:07:29.829 --> 01:07:33.996
(metal clanking) (pensive music)

01:07:45.379 --> 01:07:49.546
(water gushing) (rain falling)

01:07:52.112 --> 01:07:55.029
(soft piano music)

01:08:06.318 --> 01:08:10.326
The Greeks have a word (speaks Greek language),

01:08:10.326 --> 01:08:12.700
from which comes Eros.

01:08:12.700 --> 01:08:16.867
And it means to be madly in love or to be turned on.

01:08:18.922 --> 01:08:22.631
When you\'re turned, all the veins and arteries open.

01:08:22.631 --> 01:08:23.464
The brain opens.

01:08:23.464 --> 01:08:25.723
The blood runs through, you get hot.

01:08:25.723 --> 01:08:28.386
Now this can be poetry, it can be music.

01:08:28.386 --> 01:08:31.386
And you need at least 10 eros a day.

01:08:32.584 --> 01:08:35.098
Then you don\'t need the medicines.

01:08:35.098 --> 01:08:38.269
Then when you\'re 77, you haven\'t got that much time left.

01:08:38.269 --> 01:08:40.107
So you need all the input,

01:08:40.107 --> 01:08:42.441
you know, I want bulldozers.

01:08:44.242 --> 01:08:46.992
(engine humming)

01:08:52.285 --> 01:08:56.163
♫ Thank god I\'m not young anymore

01:08:56.163 --> 01:08:58.455
♫ No more deception

01:08:58.455 --> 01:09:00.887
♫ No more telling of lies

01:09:00.887 --> 01:09:02.757
♫ No la la la la.

01:09:02.757 --> 01:09:05.342
For better or worse, my first ex-wife

01:09:05.342 --> 01:09:07.352
has a place on the island.

01:09:07.352 --> 01:09:09.758
But her husband was nice enough to call

01:09:09.758 --> 01:09:11.182
and say look, we want to buy this.

01:09:11.182 --> 01:09:12.262
Do you have any objections.

01:09:12.262 --> 01:09:14.012
I said certainly not.

01:09:15.013 --> 01:09:17.732
And then when my eldest child got married,

01:09:17.732 --> 01:09:21.394
I think five different people made the same comment.

01:09:21.394 --> 01:09:23.606
Wonderful wedding, I said well I have nothing to do with it

01:09:23.606 --> 01:09:24.524
but thank you so much.

01:09:24.524 --> 01:09:26.035
But the extraordinary thing is,

01:09:26.035 --> 01:09:27.653
all your three ex-wives are here

01:09:27.653 --> 01:09:30.364
and they\'re having such fun with each other.

01:09:30.364 --> 01:09:31.832
And then you say, well it\'s only when they

01:09:31.832 --> 01:09:34.832
point at me and giggle that I worry.

01:09:35.955 --> 01:09:38.811
I\'ll show you what I\'m building here.

01:09:38.811 --> 01:09:41.598
I always wanted to build a house by myself.

01:09:41.598 --> 01:09:43.169
It\'s something that the rude members

01:09:43.169 --> 01:09:45.089
of the family say, uh,

01:09:45.089 --> 01:09:47.300
when do you expect to finish it?

01:09:47.300 --> 01:09:51.467
I don\'t because then I wouldn\'t have anything to do.

01:09:53.635 --> 01:09:55.689
I just do this.

01:09:55.689 --> 01:09:57.475
A stone at a time.

01:09:57.475 --> 01:10:00.392
(soft piano music)

01:10:10.406 --> 01:10:12.861
And it\'s like meditation.

01:10:12.861 --> 01:10:13.694
I love it.

01:10:18.078 --> 01:10:20.163
I love proportions.

01:10:20.163 --> 01:10:22.581
I love to create what I think is beautiful

01:10:22.581 --> 01:10:25.680
and I want to leave something better behind

01:10:25.680 --> 01:10:27.180
than what I found.

01:10:30.631 --> 01:10:32.590
My view on love.

01:10:32.590 --> 01:10:36.095
Now I\'ve been very enthusiastic about it each time.

01:10:36.095 --> 01:10:39.767
But real love comes when you can trust somebody to accept

01:10:39.767 --> 01:10:42.017
what you want to give them.

01:10:44.645 --> 01:10:45.645
What I miss?

01:10:49.484 --> 01:10:52.734
I miss so much the dancing of my youth.

01:10:53.824 --> 01:10:56.075
When you dance on the ballroom floor

01:10:56.075 --> 01:10:59.742
because you could feel somebody against you.

01:11:00.664 --> 01:11:03.082
You felt their body, you felt the density.

01:11:03.082 --> 01:11:04.665
It was so exciting.

01:11:05.997 --> 01:11:10.500
But I\'m on the way out so. (laughing)

01:11:10.500 --> 01:11:12.683
You remember that Getae said,

01:11:12.683 --> 01:11:15.464
getting old is nothing more than getting stiff

01:11:15.464 --> 01:11:17.432
all in the wrong places.

01:11:17.432 --> 01:11:19.683
(laughing)

01:11:19.683 --> 01:11:22.600
(soft piano music)

01:11:34.863 --> 01:11:36.740
What is love?

01:11:36.740 --> 01:11:39.783
I think it\'s the greatest feeling in the world.

01:11:39.783 --> 01:11:41.287
Love is what makes you laugh.

01:11:41.287 --> 01:11:43.255
It\'s what makes you cry.

01:11:43.255 --> 01:11:44.127
It makes you go to sleep.

01:11:44.127 --> 01:11:46.876
It makes you not able to sleep.

01:11:46.876 --> 01:11:49.880
Makes you wake up early in the morning.

01:11:49.880 --> 01:11:52.336
Sometimes, you\'ll run and leave the house.

01:11:52.336 --> 01:11:54.586
(laughing)

01:11:55.810 --> 01:11:57.727
It\'s the driving force.

01:11:58.930 --> 01:12:00.470
I don\'t know, it\'s everything.

01:12:00.470 --> 01:12:01.810
It\'s everything.

01:12:01.810 --> 01:12:04.727
(soft piano music)

01:12:12.146 --> 01:12:14.980
(leaves rustling)

01:12:26.787 --> 01:12:29.454
(train soaring)

01:12:31.672 --> 01:12:35.255
(train conductor speaking)

01:12:38.187 --> 01:12:40.687
(city sounds)

01:12:51.394 --> 01:12:54.231
- [Elder] Hello Mimi, this is Elder.

01:12:54.231 --> 01:12:56.398
You know, your old friend.

01:12:57.453 --> 01:13:00.112
Just calling to see if you\'re back.

01:13:00.112 --> 01:13:01.612
I miss seeing you.

01:13:02.863 --> 01:13:04.681
You know I gotta get myself back in shape

01:13:04.681 --> 01:13:07.246
so I can go eat a little breakfast with you,

01:13:07.246 --> 01:13:10.077
you know what I mean? (laughing)

01:13:10.077 --> 01:13:13.792
I\'ll keep checking until you come back.

01:13:13.792 --> 01:13:18.006
So I\'mma have both bells aimed at you, sweetheart.

01:13:18.006 --> 01:13:22.173
(laughing) Have a good evening. (laughing)

01:13:31.438 --> 01:13:33.938
(city sounds)

01:13:38.575 --> 01:13:40.410
- I talk lots of stuff

01:13:40.410 --> 01:13:43.160
but this life thing to me is like

01:13:44.910 --> 01:13:46.410
we got springtime.

01:13:47.449 --> 01:13:49.220
We\'ve got summertime.

01:13:49.220 --> 01:13:52.245
What you got autumn and all that.

01:13:52.245 --> 01:13:54.162
Then I\'m in wintertime.

01:13:56.710 --> 01:13:58.344
When I was in springtime, you know.

01:13:58.344 --> 01:14:00.729
When I was out there talking stuff,

01:14:00.729 --> 01:14:03.427
yeah, it\'s just like, throwing your hook out,

01:14:03.427 --> 01:14:07.010
pulling \'em in (laughing).

01:14:09.271 --> 01:14:10.626
And then in wintertime,

01:14:10.626 --> 01:14:14.076
sometime you might get a little springtime feeling

01:14:14.076 --> 01:14:16.326
but hey it ain\'t happening.

01:14:19.966 --> 01:14:21.383
I\'m 86 years old.

01:14:22.738 --> 01:14:27.286
It\'s time for the old man to take his hook out the water.

01:14:27.286 --> 01:14:30.453
I guess I\'ll hang my boxing gloves up.

01:14:33.080 --> 01:14:36.518
Go sit down on the dock of the bay.

01:14:36.518 --> 01:14:40.018
(soft instrumental music)

01:14:48.625 --> 01:14:50.188
- [Mimi] Elder, what is love?

01:14:50.188 --> 01:14:51.099
- Hm?

01:14:51.099 --> 01:14:52.981
- [Mimi] What is love?

01:14:52.981 --> 01:14:54.148
- Love oh wow.

01:14:55.797 --> 01:14:57.649
Love has so many different definitions

01:14:57.649 --> 01:14:59.482
and shit, you hear me?

01:15:01.074 --> 01:15:03.275
Well you can love your family.

01:15:03.275 --> 01:15:06.942
You can even love some friends or something.

01:15:08.533 --> 01:15:10.450
And you can love women.

01:15:14.668 --> 01:15:17.293
But you can meet someone

01:15:17.293 --> 01:15:19.960
and have deep feelings for them.

01:15:20.961 --> 01:15:24.794
And they may don\'t have deep feelings for you.

01:15:26.011 --> 01:15:28.094
That\'s just part of life.

01:15:30.387 --> 01:15:33.887
(soft instrumental music)

01:15:35.937 --> 01:15:38.270
But, true love to me is like

01:15:39.105 --> 01:15:40.021
two people.

01:15:43.779 --> 01:15:45.744
Everything don\'t have to be on the same page but

01:15:45.744 --> 01:15:49.911
yet and still you know they treat each other kind.

01:15:50.994 --> 01:15:55.362
And do anything and everything if it\'s possible

01:15:55.362 --> 01:15:56.924
for you to do it

01:15:56.924 --> 01:16:00.048
for the person that you really care about.

01:16:00.048 --> 01:16:03.548
(soft instrumental music)

01:16:21.478 --> 01:16:23.777
- [Mimi] And if you\'re wondering about me

01:16:23.777 --> 01:16:26.823
and whether this journey broke open my heart.

01:16:26.823 --> 01:16:30.323
(soft instrumental music)

01:16:54.975 --> 01:16:57.475
(blues music)

01:17:13.737 --> 01:17:14.965
- We got married at the bank.

01:17:14.965 --> 01:17:16.880
My daughter was the best man.

01:17:16.880 --> 01:17:18.410
- [Mimi] Did she wear a white dress?

01:17:18.410 --> 01:17:19.668
- No she didn\'t.

01:17:19.668 --> 01:17:23.845
She was wearing black (laughing).

01:17:23.845 --> 01:17:26.295
And I thought that was appropriate.

01:17:26.295 --> 01:17:28.795
(blues music)

01:17:31.717 --> 01:17:34.303
- And that\'s the corniest story I\'ve ever told in my life.

01:17:34.303 --> 01:17:35.815
(laughing)

01:17:35.815 --> 01:17:38.950
- [Mimi] Wait, who\'s the big monster?

01:17:38.950 --> 01:17:41.975
- That was, I guess my alter ego.

01:17:41.975 --> 01:17:43.393
(laughing)

01:17:43.393 --> 01:17:46.145
The evil self of me, I\'m always fighting.

01:17:46.145 --> 01:17:48.725
I think we all have that.

01:17:48.725 --> 01:17:52.892
Our character traits we\'re trying to stomp out of ourselves.

01:17:53.985 --> 01:17:56.119
(blues music)

01:17:56.119 --> 01:17:58.119
♫ Oh I miss you honey.

01:17:58.119 --> 01:18:00.619
(blues music)

01:18:18.637 --> 01:18:21.683
- We don\'t think like you guys.

01:18:21.683 --> 01:18:22.516
Why?

01:18:22.516 --> 01:18:23.476
I don\'t know.

01:18:23.476 --> 01:18:26.769
Do we have to tell you I love you, on a daily basis?

01:18:26.769 --> 01:18:29.649
No, we show you that I love you.

01:18:29.649 --> 01:18:31.276
I bring the meat.

01:18:31.276 --> 01:18:33.342
I bring the rabbit, here.

01:18:33.342 --> 01:18:34.821
We bring the deer.

01:18:34.821 --> 01:18:36.488
Here woman, cook it.

01:18:37.916 --> 01:18:40.166
(laughing)

01:18:41.931 --> 01:18:44.431
(blues music)

01:19:07.065 --> 01:19:09.525
- Like I said kiddo.

01:19:09.525 --> 01:19:11.070
I didn\'t realize that this was

01:19:11.070 --> 01:19:14.320
what we were gonna be talking about so.

01:19:16.234 --> 01:19:17.401
I thought you wanted to know

01:19:17.401 --> 01:19:19.740
what it was like to be

01:19:19.740 --> 01:19:21.075
a cowboy.

01:19:21.075 --> 01:19:21.908
Not love

01:19:23.747 --> 01:19:25.247
and relationships.

01:19:26.465 --> 01:19:28.965
(blues music)

01:19:41.052 --> 01:19:43.885
(rooster crowing)

Main content

Men: A Love Story

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