The Grey Area
- Description
- Reviews
- Citation
- Cataloging
- Transcript
THE GREY AREA is the story of Keagan Anfuso, a young adult female who is more masculine than feminine. Since birth, her life has been heavily affected by antiquated definitions and stereotypes of gender in oppressive, strange, comical, and terrifying ways. Throughout the film, Anfuso shares her fears and insecurities caused by bullying and gender stereotyping, as well as her unique and surprisingly simple perspective on her place in today’s culture. Featuring re-enactments of Anfuso's experiences and interviews with other masculine women, THE GREY AREA helps viewers understand gender expression and how to support children, teens and adults to be themselves.
Stephens College | Steph Borklund, Professor of Film
"The Grey Area is a phenomenal film and a phenomenal classroom tool for teachers at any level of education. It clearly, candidly, and creatively lays out the struggle and triumph of women in the LGBTQ+ community. As a college professor I’m looking forward to showing this film to the students in my LGBTQ Cinema class. It is the perfect film for incoming Freshman and for DEI offices to use for campus training. The Grey Area is the perfect, positive message young students need to hear!"
Nadia Ramoutar, PhD
"The Grey Area is a significant cinematic journey behind the rigid curtain of American gender norms. It illuminates the pain and suffering needlessly forced on people who don’t experience it as black and white. This film gives an essential voice to those who linger in the grey area and who deserve to be seen and treated with respect and embraced with compassion."
Citation
Main credits
Anfuso, Keagan (film director)
Anfuso, Keagan (film producer)
Anfuso, Keagan (screenwriter)
Anfuso, Keagan (on-screen participant)
Brown, Drew L. (film director)
Brown, Drew L. (screenwriter)
Other credits
Director of photography, Bernardo Santana III.
Distributor subjects
Women's Issues; Masculine Women; Gender Identity; Feminism; Identity Expression; Bullying; Children & TeensKeywords
00:00:14.070 --> 00:00:16.300
- [Keagan] The first time that
I remember feeling strange
00:00:16.300 --> 00:00:18.250
or different from other people
00:00:18.250 --> 00:00:20.083
was the first day of sixth grade.
00:00:23.280 --> 00:00:24.780
I was starting a new school and I,
00:00:24.780 --> 00:00:26.840
and I didn't know anyone.
00:00:26.840 --> 00:00:30.010
And I remember feeling
really excited and confident.
00:00:30.010 --> 00:00:31.490
And then I got there
00:00:31.490 --> 00:00:35.310
and I saw this hallway full of children.
00:00:35.310 --> 00:00:37.450
I remember feeling really overwhelmed
00:00:37.450 --> 00:00:39.580
and something felt different,
00:00:39.580 --> 00:00:40.980
than what I was used to, about it.
00:00:40.980 --> 00:00:42.100
Something felt
00:00:42.100 --> 00:00:42.933
scary.
00:00:45.040 --> 00:00:47.440
When I started to push
through this hallway.
00:00:47.440 --> 00:00:49.250
That's when I noticed
that there were these
00:00:49.250 --> 00:00:51.820
little groups of girls all off to the side
00:00:51.820 --> 00:00:53.590
and they had similar haircuts
00:00:53.590 --> 00:00:56.400
and similar backpacks
and similar accessories.
00:00:56.400 --> 00:00:58.210
And then I noticed that the boys had
00:00:58.210 --> 00:00:59.531
all of their little groups,
00:00:59.531 --> 00:01:01.800
neat haircuts and button ups.
00:01:01.800 --> 00:01:03.150
And it was just all really new to me,
00:01:03.150 --> 00:01:04.363
this clicking.
00:01:05.700 --> 00:01:07.570
As I walked by them they turned
00:01:07.570 --> 00:01:08.540
and they looked at me
00:01:08.540 --> 00:01:11.460
in a way that made me feel like an alien,
00:01:11.460 --> 00:01:13.230
it was the way that kids
look at something when
00:01:13.230 --> 00:01:15.620
they're trying to figure out what it is.
00:01:15.620 --> 00:01:17.410
And when I got to the end of the hallway,
00:01:17.410 --> 00:01:18.820
all these kids were behind me.
00:01:18.820 --> 00:01:20.270
And I hear this woman yelling.
00:01:20.270 --> 00:01:21.173
- Young man,
00:01:23.080 --> 00:01:24.143
young man.
00:01:25.780 --> 00:01:28.210
Young man, I know you
heard me calling you.
00:01:28.210 --> 00:01:30.053
- I'm not a young man.
00:01:34.621 --> 00:01:36.130
(school bell rings)
00:01:36.130 --> 00:01:38.130
- We need you to come
pick up your daughter.
00:01:38.130 --> 00:01:40.490
She is dressed inappropriately
00:01:40.490 --> 00:01:43.140
and it is causing
disruption at the school.
00:01:43.140 --> 00:01:45.320
- [Keagan] I was sent
outside to wait for my mom
00:01:45.320 --> 00:01:46.693
in the parking lot alone.
00:01:47.590 --> 00:01:49.240
I had no idea what I had done wrong,
00:01:49.240 --> 00:01:51.338
or why I was in trouble.
00:01:51.338 --> 00:01:54.088
(car horn honks)
00:02:03.430 --> 00:02:06.440
- We're gonna go shopping
for some new clothes.
00:02:06.440 --> 00:02:09.140
I'm not going to take another
phone call from the school.
00:02:09.140 --> 00:02:13.500
- I like my clothes. What's
wrong with my clothes?
00:02:13.500 --> 00:02:15.040
- Look, it's time that you start acting
00:02:15.040 --> 00:02:16.823
and looking like a young lady.
00:02:20.590 --> 00:02:21.840
- That was the beginning.
00:02:24.650 --> 00:02:26.617
- [Woman] You really look
like a boy. Do you get that?
00:02:26.617 --> 00:02:28.100
- [Man] Here's your order sir.
00:02:28.100 --> 00:02:29.620
- [Man 2] What do you
expect people to think?
00:02:29.620 --> 00:02:31.042
- [Woman 2] Why are you
ashamed of your body?
00:02:31.042 --> 00:02:31.950
_ [Man 3] Nice to meet you young man.
00:02:31.950 --> 00:02:33.767
- If your a guy
- So your trans right?
00:02:33.767 --> 00:02:36.277
- Can see picture of you like a girl?
00:02:58.150 --> 00:03:00.660
- From everything that I was taught,
00:03:00.660 --> 00:03:04.560
I came to believe that
every single human being has
00:03:04.560 --> 00:03:06.610
masculine and feminine traits about them.
00:03:07.592 --> 00:03:09.150
And it really doesn't have anything to do
00:03:09.150 --> 00:03:12.340
with whether you are a man or woman or
00:03:13.310 --> 00:03:14.710
any other identity.
00:03:14.710 --> 00:03:16.070
It's just,
00:03:16.070 --> 00:03:17.800
those are the traits about you.
00:03:17.800 --> 00:03:20.200
And they happen to create
a certain personality.
00:03:23.300 --> 00:03:24.540
I am
00:03:24.540 --> 00:03:25.960
a masculine
00:03:25.960 --> 00:03:29.433
woman I'm very comfortable
identifying as a woman.
00:03:31.460 --> 00:03:33.510
The most common assumption
about me is that
00:03:33.510 --> 00:03:35.480
I identify as male
00:03:35.480 --> 00:03:38.150
or that I'm in denial about wanting that,
00:03:38.150 --> 00:03:39.083
which is not true.
00:03:39.920 --> 00:03:42.540
I was adopted by my
grandparents from birth.
00:03:42.540 --> 00:03:45.810
So there was a large
generational gap between myself
00:03:45.810 --> 00:03:46.690
and my parents.
00:03:46.690 --> 00:03:51.060
And I was mostly raised by
the traditional southern women
00:03:51.060 --> 00:03:52.013
in my family.
00:03:55.410 --> 00:03:58.673
We all lived in a small
town called Polacka Florida.
00:04:00.770 --> 00:04:02.680
And we lived a really rural lifestyle
00:04:02.680 --> 00:04:05.320
for the earlier part of my childhood.
00:04:05.320 --> 00:04:07.963
My dad went hunting in
our backyard for example.
00:04:08.880 --> 00:04:11.180
The kids that I grew up
around were also a part of
00:04:11.180 --> 00:04:14.280
that culture where tomboy
behavior in young girls
00:04:14.280 --> 00:04:15.560
wasn't just accepted.
00:04:15.560 --> 00:04:17.730
It was encouraged.
00:04:17.730 --> 00:04:18.700
And that's what made that
00:04:18.700 --> 00:04:21.010
social integration shift so abrupt,
00:04:21.010 --> 00:04:22.270
when I hit 10 years old
00:04:22.270 --> 00:04:24.240
and I started a new school.
00:04:24.240 --> 00:04:26.780
I went from this natural fluid existence,
00:04:26.780 --> 00:04:28.220
that was very comfortable to me,
00:04:28.220 --> 00:04:30.160
to being thrown into this
00:04:30.160 --> 00:04:32.760
two gender world that I
didn't know how to fit into.
00:04:59.400 --> 00:05:02.870
The women in my family had ingrained ideas
00:05:02.870 --> 00:05:05.650
on what it meant to be a woman
00:05:05.650 --> 00:05:08.730
and what roles women
were supposed to fill.
00:05:08.730 --> 00:05:11.990
Those ideas came from a
variety of influences,
00:05:11.990 --> 00:05:14.550
such as hyper feminine pride,
00:05:14.550 --> 00:05:18.600
the passing on of antiquated
traditional expectations,
00:05:18.600 --> 00:05:22.573
or living in line with a
system of religious beliefs.
00:05:24.420 --> 00:05:26.270
Regardless of the reasoning,
00:05:26.270 --> 00:05:28.700
they all had the same ideology.
00:05:28.700 --> 00:05:31.173
I was not the appropriate
amount of feminine.
00:05:33.240 --> 00:05:35.990
Me being a young girl that
wasn't quite feminine,
00:05:35.990 --> 00:05:38.220
but also wasn't entirely masculine,
00:05:38.220 --> 00:05:41.343
put me in this gray area
that wasn't acceptable.
00:05:42.900 --> 00:05:45.820
And when I began to see the
lines drawn around me on
00:05:45.820 --> 00:05:47.540
clothing, toys,
00:05:47.540 --> 00:05:49.310
interests, preferences,
00:05:49.310 --> 00:05:51.000
and even behavior,
00:05:51.000 --> 00:05:52.380
I started to question at all.
00:05:52.380 --> 00:05:56.490
And that curiosity and
desire to understand
00:05:56.490 --> 00:05:59.500
was met frustration and annoyance.
00:05:59.500 --> 00:06:01.380
There was never an answer other than.
00:06:01.380 --> 00:06:02.680
- It's just the way it is.
00:06:13.445 --> 00:06:15.960
- I was in a really self-reflective state.
00:06:15.960 --> 00:06:19.000
I was asking myself why I
didn't pursue things sooner,
00:06:19.000 --> 00:06:21.510
why I was afraid to go after
the things that I wanted?
00:06:21.510 --> 00:06:24.100
All the things that you dig
into with yourself as a person
00:06:24.100 --> 00:06:26.985
when you're trying to
be better than you are,
00:06:26.985 --> 00:06:29.970
or closer to the person
that you want to be,
00:06:29.970 --> 00:06:31.280
which led to a lot of conversations
00:06:31.280 --> 00:06:33.330
with a lot of different kinds of people.
00:06:33.330 --> 00:06:36.470
Most impactfully conversations
with other women.
00:06:36.470 --> 00:06:39.800
Where I wanted to start off is with
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discussing each of our
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personal relationships with masculinity
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and how we feel about that as
like a part of our identity.
00:06:48.040 --> 00:06:49.690
- I don't fit into really any of
00:06:49.690 --> 00:06:52.340
the little buckets that
people want to put you in.
00:06:52.340 --> 00:06:54.620
It doesn't have to be a negative thing
00:06:54.620 --> 00:06:55.810
to be in the gray area.
00:06:55.810 --> 00:06:58.170
It's an okay place to be,
00:06:58.170 --> 00:07:00.580
and sometimes it just
takes time to grow into.
00:07:00.580 --> 00:07:01.413
- Unlike you,
00:07:01.413 --> 00:07:03.870
I have not gotten comfortable
with the idea of being
00:07:03.870 --> 00:07:07.220
considered a masculine
woman by other people.
00:07:07.220 --> 00:07:10.220
I found that happening a lot of times in
00:07:10.220 --> 00:07:11.880
my pursuit of relationships.
00:07:11.880 --> 00:07:13.410
Being a competent woman
00:07:13.410 --> 00:07:15.920
should not be viewed as a masculine trait.
00:07:15.920 --> 00:07:19.310
But what would happen is I
would emasculate these people,
00:07:19.310 --> 00:07:22.530
not for anything other than just existing.
00:07:22.530 --> 00:07:26.363
The fact that I know how
to create a campfire,
00:07:27.870 --> 00:07:30.730
should not be seen as
an emasculating event.
00:07:30.730 --> 00:07:32.620
I'm just trying to be in love with you.
00:07:32.620 --> 00:07:33.920
Like let's make out.
00:07:33.920 --> 00:07:37.180
I don't want you over
there feeling uncomfortable
00:07:37.180 --> 00:07:39.970
in your own masculinity
because I can open a pickle jar
00:07:39.970 --> 00:07:40.893
without your help.
00:07:42.100 --> 00:07:43.690
- I like to say my biggest struggle
00:07:43.690 --> 00:07:46.310
is fighting against the
masculinity that was placed upon me
00:07:46.310 --> 00:07:47.930
due to, you know, of course
00:07:47.930 --> 00:07:50.950
me not being assigned the
gender that I wanted at birth.
00:07:50.950 --> 00:07:52.550
I have homophobic parents.
00:07:52.550 --> 00:07:54.320
I could not dress a certain way.
00:07:54.320 --> 00:07:55.720
I couldn't pick out my clothes,
00:07:55.720 --> 00:07:56.853
when I didn't buy clothes that I like
00:07:56.853 --> 00:07:58.510
because I had a job,
00:07:58.510 --> 00:07:59.400
when I did buy clothes that I liked,
00:07:59.400 --> 00:08:00.440
they would throw it away,
00:08:00.440 --> 00:08:02.090
they would burn it to get rid of it,
00:08:02.090 --> 00:08:04.240
or I wouldn't be able
to come in the house.
00:08:05.210 --> 00:08:06.470
- [Keagan] Just wearing girls' clothes,
00:08:06.470 --> 00:08:08.483
doesn't hide my natural masculinity.
00:08:09.370 --> 00:08:12.060
So when I started high
school in a new city,
00:08:12.060 --> 00:08:13.500
my mom
00:08:13.500 --> 00:08:16.840
decided to throw out all
of the clothes that I had
00:08:16.840 --> 00:08:20.020
and replace it with even
more feminine clothing.
00:08:20.020 --> 00:08:22.250
So for the first two years of high school,
00:08:22.250 --> 00:08:24.080
I wore clothing chosen by,
00:08:24.080 --> 00:08:26.163
technically my grandmother.
00:08:27.070 --> 00:08:28.580
Putting me in feminine clothing
00:08:28.580 --> 00:08:31.210
didn't make my masculinity go away.
00:08:31.210 --> 00:08:34.010
It just sent me to a place
where I had to face the
00:08:34.010 --> 00:08:38.170
relentless cruelty that is
high school in what felt like,
00:08:38.170 --> 00:08:40.920
to me, a suffocating costume.
00:08:40.920 --> 00:08:44.240
- The big part for me
was growing up as twin.
00:08:44.240 --> 00:08:47.830
I really didn't get an
option for my identity.
00:08:47.830 --> 00:08:51.730
Our outfits were chosen
until I was in middle school.
00:08:51.730 --> 00:08:53.130
My mom's like you're wearing this,
00:08:53.130 --> 00:08:54.240
you're wearing that.
00:08:54.240 --> 00:08:58.750
And it wasn't until my
sister was in high school
00:08:58.750 --> 00:09:00.930
and where she was just like, I'm over it.
00:09:00.930 --> 00:09:03.700
We're going to be two
completely different people.
00:09:03.700 --> 00:09:05.590
She started dressing more masculine
00:09:05.590 --> 00:09:07.670
and came out as a lesbian.
00:09:07.670 --> 00:09:10.640
And I literally saw someone
that looked exactly like me,
00:09:10.640 --> 00:09:12.350
talk like me.
00:09:12.350 --> 00:09:14.840
And the reaction that
she got from coming out
00:09:14.840 --> 00:09:17.680
was something that I did
not want to experience.
00:09:17.680 --> 00:09:22.680
So I just started to dress
completely opposite from her.
00:09:22.840 --> 00:09:26.770
And I would see photos of her
out with her new identity,
00:09:26.770 --> 00:09:28.930
and she just seems so happy.
00:09:28.930 --> 00:09:30.790
And every photo I saw of myself,
00:09:30.790 --> 00:09:32.710
it just was blank.
00:09:32.710 --> 00:09:33.870
And I realized
00:09:33.870 --> 00:09:35.520
because I wasn't being my true self
00:09:35.520 --> 00:09:39.370
and I needed to finally accept who I was
00:09:39.370 --> 00:09:42.040
and embrace my masculine side.
00:09:42.040 --> 00:09:43.430
And I'm like, this is the time.
00:09:43.430 --> 00:09:45.620
This is where you have to
be, who you want to be.
00:09:45.620 --> 00:09:47.350
- Being in a career for many years,
00:09:47.350 --> 00:09:50.030
where I was required
to wear a uniform that
00:09:50.030 --> 00:09:52.940
accentuated the masculinity part.
00:09:52.940 --> 00:09:54.190
But I used to wear my hair long
00:09:54.190 --> 00:09:55.160
for years and years and years,
00:09:55.160 --> 00:09:58.370
I only cut my hair off
completely about seven years ago.
00:09:58.370 --> 00:10:00.290
And once that happened,
00:10:00.290 --> 00:10:03.610
it was like, sir all day
long, everywhere I went,
00:10:03.610 --> 00:10:07.267
people who knew me would slip
and call me, sir, or man.
00:10:07.267 --> 00:10:09.290
And it bothered me. It bothered me a lot
00:10:09.290 --> 00:10:11.280
because I've never, ever, ever identified
00:10:11.280 --> 00:10:13.420
or felt like anything but a woman.
00:10:13.420 --> 00:10:14.380
- Seven years old.
00:10:14.380 --> 00:10:16.890
And I'm a very hairy little girl.
00:10:16.890 --> 00:10:18.810
And I was getting called ape legs.
00:10:18.810 --> 00:10:22.010
My mom's response was to
normalize the femininities
00:10:22.010 --> 00:10:23.270
shave your legs.
00:10:23.270 --> 00:10:26.120
Well, eight year old girls
don't shave their legs.
00:10:26.120 --> 00:10:29.380
So now I'm being hyper-sexualized
00:10:29.380 --> 00:10:30.780
because I'm shaving my legs.
00:10:30.780 --> 00:10:32.600
And that's what fast girls do.
00:10:32.600 --> 00:10:35.260
Then I've got this contingent
over here that's telling me,
00:10:35.260 --> 00:10:36.600
no, you look like a boy,
00:10:36.600 --> 00:10:40.070
you're, you're not built
like a girl, you know.
00:10:40.070 --> 00:10:42.310
You're just not presenting as normal.
00:10:42.310 --> 00:10:43.143
So I'm being othered
00:10:43.143 --> 00:10:45.503
because of these people's
experience with me.
00:10:50.150 --> 00:10:54.410
- Because the cruelty continued,
no matter how I dressed,
00:10:54.410 --> 00:10:56.490
I refuse to do it anymore.
00:10:56.490 --> 00:10:58.980
I went to one of the few
friends that I had at the time
00:10:58.980 --> 00:11:01.950
and she helped me shave
my head in her garage.
00:11:01.950 --> 00:11:05.030
And then she let me borrow
her little brother's clothing.
00:11:05.030 --> 00:11:07.540
And I knew that this was going
to make things worse for me.
00:11:07.540 --> 00:11:10.680
But if I was going to get
treated negatively anyway,
00:11:10.680 --> 00:11:13.120
then why not at least
look like my true self
00:11:13.120 --> 00:11:14.270
while it was happening?
00:11:15.690 --> 00:11:17.800
After a lot of heated back and forth,
00:11:17.800 --> 00:11:19.810
my mom had reached her breaking point
00:11:19.810 --> 00:11:20.810
and she was giving up
00:11:20.810 --> 00:11:22.280
- Look here. You're on your own.
00:11:22.280 --> 00:11:23.520
All right, I'm done.
00:11:23.520 --> 00:11:25.243
I'm over it. Over it.
00:11:29.380 --> 00:11:31.170
- It was upsetting.
00:11:31.170 --> 00:11:32.220
But at the same time,
00:11:32.220 --> 00:11:34.950
I finally got to pick out my own clothes.
00:11:34.950 --> 00:11:36.820
And that for me
00:11:36.820 --> 00:11:38.053
was liberation.
00:11:45.575 --> 00:11:47.850
And it did get worse for awhile.
00:11:47.850 --> 00:11:51.220
Girls would hide themselves
in the locker room
00:11:51.220 --> 00:11:52.093
when I came in.
00:11:53.130 --> 00:11:56.180
Going to the bathroom was
always embarrassing in some way,
00:11:56.180 --> 00:11:58.830
so I would try to hold it, all day.,
00:11:58.830 --> 00:12:00.610
until I got home.
00:12:00.610 --> 00:12:02.520
And there was a group of boys that would
00:12:02.520 --> 00:12:05.033
pay each other to do cruel things to me.
00:12:15.310 --> 00:12:17.570
And then another group would spit on me
00:12:17.570 --> 00:12:20.070
from the second floor if
I walked underneath them.
00:12:25.010 --> 00:12:27.780
There were often hate notes
shoved into my locker.
00:12:27.780 --> 00:12:29.880
And some of them were threatening.
00:12:29.880 --> 00:12:31.940
Because I was followed home sometimes,
00:12:31.940 --> 00:12:33.653
I took them very seriously.
00:12:36.000 --> 00:12:38.860
Thankfully, I was never a suicidal person.
00:12:38.860 --> 00:12:40.853
I'm very fortunate in that way,
00:12:42.010 --> 00:12:44.100
but I was deeply afraid that
00:12:44.100 --> 00:12:46.403
someone was going to
kill me during that time.
00:12:48.190 --> 00:12:52.160
- I was fighting my whole
attraction for women
00:12:52.160 --> 00:12:54.830
and trying so hard to be straight
00:12:54.830 --> 00:12:56.120
and have a boyfriend
00:12:56.120 --> 00:12:58.880
and do all the things that
girls were supposed to do
00:12:58.880 --> 00:13:02.400
and really hating myself,
00:13:02.400 --> 00:13:03.890
inside,
00:13:03.890 --> 00:13:07.480
to the point that the
behaviors got self-destructive
00:13:08.360 --> 00:13:09.700
and I had to come out.
00:13:09.700 --> 00:13:11.140
I just had to tell my family,
00:13:11.140 --> 00:13:12.650
it's like, I've got to do this
00:13:12.650 --> 00:13:14.903
because if I don't, I'm
going to kill myself.
00:13:20.670 --> 00:13:22.760
- [Narrator] The Centers for
Disease Control and Prevention
00:13:22.760 --> 00:13:24.240
finds suicide to be
00:13:24.240 --> 00:13:28.010
the second leading cause of
death in 15 to 19 year olds,
00:13:28.010 --> 00:13:30.690
only beat by accidental injuries.
00:13:30.690 --> 00:13:33.800
The numbers of these
suicides have been growing.
00:13:33.800 --> 00:13:34.633
A 2019
00:13:34.633 --> 00:13:35.466
CDC
00:13:35.466 --> 00:13:36.420
report shows
00:13:36.420 --> 00:13:41.020
a 76% increase in
adolescent suicide deaths
00:13:41.020 --> 00:13:42.160
from 2007
00:13:42.160 --> 00:13:44.180
to 2017.
00:13:44.180 --> 00:13:48.640
That's after the rate had held
steady for seven years prior.
00:13:48.640 --> 00:13:51.060
So what are teens saying?
00:13:51.060 --> 00:13:54.750
The CDC surveys a subset of
high schoolers nationwide
00:13:54.750 --> 00:13:55.850
every two years,
00:13:55.850 --> 00:13:57.920
asking them to anonymously answer
00:13:57.920 --> 00:14:00.520
the Youth Risk Behavior Survey,
00:14:00.520 --> 00:14:02.940
questions like, have you
ever smoked a cigarette?
00:14:02.940 --> 00:14:06.500
To Have you ever planned a suicide?
00:14:06.500 --> 00:14:09.930
15% of high schoolers in
2019 said they'd been bullied
00:14:09.930 --> 00:14:12.500
by text or over social media.
00:14:12.500 --> 00:14:15.900
And even more kids were bullied at school.
00:14:15.900 --> 00:14:17.490
Nearly one in five said
00:14:17.490 --> 00:14:19.600
they'd seriously considered suicide,
00:14:19.600 --> 00:14:21.470
with just under one in 10 answering
00:14:21.470 --> 00:14:23.630
they'd actually made the attempt.
00:14:23.630 --> 00:14:26.100
And when you isolate the
responses from students who
00:14:26.100 --> 00:14:29.690
identify themselves as
lesbian, gay, or bisexual,
00:14:29.690 --> 00:14:32.920
these percentages are higher
in all of those categories.
00:14:32.920 --> 00:14:36.010
And that doesn't cover students
who might be transgender
00:14:36.010 --> 00:14:38.950
or non-binary, the survey
doesn't ask students
00:14:38.950 --> 00:14:41.450
about their gender identities.
00:14:41.450 --> 00:14:46.380
66% of LGB students reported
feeling sad or hopeless almost
00:14:46.380 --> 00:14:48.870
every day for two or more weeks in a row,
00:14:48.870 --> 00:14:51.980
compared to 32% of their straight peers.
00:14:51.980 --> 00:14:55.030
Almost half of gay or
bisexual high schoolers said
00:14:55.030 --> 00:14:57.660
they'd seriously considered
attempting suicide
00:14:57.660 --> 00:14:59.280
during the last year.
00:14:59.280 --> 00:15:00.950
And nearly a quarter of them said
00:15:00.950 --> 00:15:02.750
they'd attempted to kill themselves.
00:15:09.080 --> 00:15:10.860
- [Keagan] Once I did have
the option to dress myself,
00:15:10.860 --> 00:15:12.470
I did go off the deep end a little bit,
00:15:12.470 --> 00:15:13.960
experimenting around,
00:15:13.960 --> 00:15:16.700
which infuriated my mother.
00:15:16.700 --> 00:15:19.750
She could barely look
at me most of the time.
00:15:19.750 --> 00:15:21.900
And she would get in these fits of anger
00:15:21.900 --> 00:15:23.390
where she would express feeling like
00:15:23.390 --> 00:15:25.214
I was doing this just to hurt her.
00:15:25.214 --> 00:15:27.297
- I don't understand you.
00:15:28.480 --> 00:15:31.030
I don't know why you're doing this to me.
00:15:31.030 --> 00:15:31.980
- [Keagan] I felt
00:15:31.980 --> 00:15:34.330
entirely alienated from my family.
00:15:34.330 --> 00:15:36.370
They always seem to be
discussing this phase
00:15:36.370 --> 00:15:37.410
that I was going through
00:15:37.410 --> 00:15:40.170
and how embarrassing that was for them.
00:15:40.170 --> 00:15:42.200
When they did speak to me,
00:15:42.200 --> 00:15:43.630
it was just belittlement.
00:15:43.630 --> 00:15:46.360
- It's a shame you're hiding
how beautiful you are.
00:15:46.360 --> 00:15:48.850
- I can't believe what you get away with.
00:15:48.850 --> 00:15:49.770
You're spoiled.
00:15:49.770 --> 00:15:52.730
- You should grow your hair out long,
00:15:52.730 --> 00:15:53.980
like it's supposed to be.
00:15:55.637 --> 00:15:58.800
- I want to talk about how it feels
00:15:58.800 --> 00:16:00.920
to have someone say to you,
00:16:00.920 --> 00:16:02.240
if you could just do this,
00:16:02.240 --> 00:16:03.940
or if you could just be this,
00:16:03.940 --> 00:16:05.380
if you could just conform,
00:16:05.380 --> 00:16:07.530
everything would be fine,
everything would be better.
00:16:07.530 --> 00:16:08.650
People would love you more,
00:16:08.650 --> 00:16:09.483
they would accept you more,
00:16:09.483 --> 00:16:10.330
they would like you more,
00:16:10.330 --> 00:16:12.290
your life would be less difficult.
00:16:12.290 --> 00:16:15.680
What does that feel like to
have someone say that to you?
00:16:15.680 --> 00:16:18.220
- At the height of my
career I had amazing friends
00:16:18.220 --> 00:16:21.480
and I would send my mom,
you know, photos of me
00:16:21.480 --> 00:16:22.790
and just updating her.
00:16:22.790 --> 00:16:24.620
And it would always be
00:16:24.620 --> 00:16:26.820
why couldn't you wear her hair like this?
00:16:26.820 --> 00:16:27.820
Why can't you just,
00:16:27.820 --> 00:16:29.860
were are the earrings at?
00:16:29.860 --> 00:16:31.770
And I'm thinking to myself,
00:16:31.770 --> 00:16:35.310
I'm successful in my career,
successful with my friends.
00:16:35.310 --> 00:16:37.220
I'm not locked up anywhere.
00:16:37.220 --> 00:16:39.050
I'm healthy, happy.
00:16:39.050 --> 00:16:42.470
And it's still that one
thing that she needs.
00:16:42.470 --> 00:16:43.750
It's like you reached the top
00:16:43.750 --> 00:16:46.040
and then you just get
kicked right back down..
00:16:46.040 --> 00:16:46.873
- When they say, well,
00:16:46.873 --> 00:16:48.990
if you would just put some makeup on
00:16:48.990 --> 00:16:50.900
or you would just wear a dress,
00:16:50.900 --> 00:16:53.420
or if you would grow
your hair out, you know,
00:16:53.420 --> 00:16:56.410
then that's telling me
that I'm not good enough.
00:16:56.410 --> 00:16:59.010
I'm not good enough just like I am.
00:16:59.010 --> 00:16:59.843
It's very demeaning.
00:16:59.843 --> 00:17:02.050
And, and, and I can honestly say
00:17:02.050 --> 00:17:03.480
even at my age,
00:17:03.480 --> 00:17:04.523
it still hurts.
00:17:06.560 --> 00:17:08.750
- This is when I started connecting that
00:17:08.750 --> 00:17:12.910
regardless of sexual orientation,
ethnicity, or status,
00:17:12.910 --> 00:17:17.010
our society reacts uncomfortably
to women who exhibit
00:17:17.010 --> 00:17:21.340
what is considered too much
masculinity in whatever form.
00:17:21.340 --> 00:17:22.800
The assumptions placed on women
00:17:22.800 --> 00:17:25.380
who are considered to be
too masculine are damaging
00:17:25.380 --> 00:17:28.650
such as all masculine women are lesbians
00:17:28.650 --> 00:17:30.930
as if all lesbians look the same.
00:17:30.930 --> 00:17:33.950
If masculine women do
happen to be lesbians,
00:17:33.950 --> 00:17:35.570
it's assumed that they are taking
00:17:35.570 --> 00:17:37.820
the role of a man in their relationship,
00:17:37.820 --> 00:17:40.770
which set out loud has to
make very little sense.
00:17:40.770 --> 00:17:42.900
There is no man in the relationship,
00:17:42.900 --> 00:17:45.713
hence it being a lesbian relationship.
00:17:46.560 --> 00:17:48.540
Another frustrating assumption,
00:17:48.540 --> 00:17:51.130
if you're to a masculine female,
00:17:51.130 --> 00:17:53.470
you should also be attracted to men,
00:17:53.470 --> 00:17:56.140
as if there's no
difference between the two.
00:17:56.140 --> 00:17:58.970
Which is basically
assuming that personality,
00:17:58.970 --> 00:18:01.580
anatomy and emotional connection,
00:18:01.580 --> 00:18:04.070
or all outweighed by outward appearance
00:18:04.070 --> 00:18:06.100
when it comes to a relationship.
00:18:06.100 --> 00:18:07.490
These assumptions are senseless
00:18:07.490 --> 00:18:10.070
and they extend to every
woman who isn't considered
00:18:10.070 --> 00:18:11.833
the appropriate amount of feminine.
00:18:14.370 --> 00:18:15.530
- [Narrator] An example,
00:18:15.530 --> 00:18:18.880
women who have some stereotypical
masculine traits competing
00:18:18.880 --> 00:18:21.270
against other women in sports.
00:18:21.270 --> 00:18:23.020
You've probably seen headlines about
00:18:23.020 --> 00:18:26.970
South African Olympic track
champion Caster Semenya.
00:18:26.970 --> 00:18:28.630
She's been under a microscope
00:18:28.630 --> 00:18:31.300
and the subject of court cases for years
00:18:31.300 --> 00:18:34.170
because she has naturally
higher testosterone levels
00:18:34.170 --> 00:18:37.000
than what's been deemed
standard for females.
00:18:37.000 --> 00:18:38.380
Back when she was a teenager,
00:18:38.380 --> 00:18:40.041
she was accused of being a man
00:18:40.041 --> 00:18:43.180
and made to take a sex determination test
00:18:43.180 --> 00:18:45.730
as reported by the New York Times.
00:18:45.730 --> 00:18:48.300
The Swiss Supreme Court ruled in 2018
00:18:48.300 --> 00:18:49.990
women like Semenya would have to take
00:18:49.990 --> 00:18:51.710
hormone suppressing drugs in order
00:18:51.710 --> 00:18:53.750
to compete in women's races.
00:18:53.750 --> 00:18:56.930
Track officials argued
she was biologically male,
00:18:56.930 --> 00:18:58.070
a statement, she said,
00:18:58.070 --> 00:19:00.060
hurt more than she could put into words,
00:19:00.060 --> 00:19:02.670
according to the Associated Press.
00:19:02.670 --> 00:19:04.500
This highlights that the world of sports,
00:19:04.500 --> 00:19:06.900
like so many organizations in the world,
00:19:06.900 --> 00:19:09.548
is split up into male and female camps.
00:19:09.548 --> 00:19:13.070
When lots of people don't
fit neatly into one of those,
00:19:13.070 --> 00:19:15.490
whether that's because
of their hormone levels
00:19:15.490 --> 00:19:16.980
or chromosomes,
00:19:16.980 --> 00:19:19.790
maybe they have genitalia
that isn't typically male
00:19:19.790 --> 00:19:20.784
or female,
00:19:20.784 --> 00:19:23.860
maybe they're transgender,
a separate issue,
00:19:23.860 --> 00:19:27.330
or maybe things don't
look the way so many of us
00:19:27.330 --> 00:19:29.363
have been conditioned to expect.
00:19:31.610 --> 00:19:33.090
- In response to masculinity,
00:19:33.090 --> 00:19:36.090
women are often met with belittlement,
00:19:36.090 --> 00:19:39.530
assumption, ridicule, and cruelty.
00:19:39.530 --> 00:19:43.060
Their identity as women
becomes questioned.
00:19:43.060 --> 00:19:44.250
And that is
00:19:44.250 --> 00:19:47.320
definitely what happened to me
and what still happens to me.
00:19:47.320 --> 00:19:49.150
- So like, are you a boy or a girl?
00:19:49.150 --> 00:19:50.090
- Do you get that a lot?
00:19:50.090 --> 00:19:51.150
- Nice to meet you young, man,
00:19:51.150 --> 00:19:51.983
- Here's your order, sir?
00:19:51.983 --> 00:19:52.816
- What can I get you, sir?
00:19:52.816 --> 00:19:53.649
- Here you go, sir.
00:19:53.649 --> 00:19:55.620
- Oh, this is the women's restroom.
00:19:55.620 --> 00:19:58.250
- Why don't you just,
you know, male identify?
00:19:58.250 --> 00:19:59.980
- Are you like transitioning?
00:19:59.980 --> 00:20:01.150
- You don't want to be a man?
00:20:01.150 --> 00:20:01.983
- Such a waste.
00:20:01.983 --> 00:20:03.550
- You really would be a beautiful woman.
00:20:03.550 --> 00:20:05.450
- You would make such a hot guy.
00:20:05.450 --> 00:20:08.610
- If you were a guy, I
would be so into you.
00:20:08.610 --> 00:20:10.040
- How many straight
chicks have you tricked?
00:20:10.040 --> 00:20:11.490
- Why wouldn't your
girlfriend just date a dude?
00:20:11.490 --> 00:20:12.710
- Why wouldn't you just
use the men's room?
00:20:12.710 --> 00:20:13.723
- You're choosing to look like this.
00:20:13.723 --> 00:20:14.556
- What do you expect people to think?
00:20:14.556 --> 00:20:15.837
- How do you get your voice to be deeper?
00:20:15.837 --> 00:20:17.917
- Do you shave your legs?
- Can I put makeup on you?
00:20:17.917 --> 00:20:19.643
- How long have you been on testosterone?
00:20:19.643 --> 00:20:21.393
- Why are you ashamed of your body?
00:20:23.030 --> 00:20:25.310
- [Keagan] I've gotten violent
reactions to my appearance
00:20:25.310 --> 00:20:26.407
in bathrooms.
- Hey, excuse me,
00:20:26.407 --> 00:20:29.060
excuse me, this is the ladies room.
00:20:29.060 --> 00:20:30.800
What's the matter with
you? You get out of here,
00:20:30.800 --> 00:20:32.770
now you know the difference.
00:20:32.770 --> 00:20:33.603
- [Keagan] Bars.
00:20:33.603 --> 00:20:34.753
- Dude don't touch me.
00:20:36.630 --> 00:20:38.640
- Out of the exhaustion
of correcting people
00:20:38.640 --> 00:20:40.610
over and over and over throughout the day,
00:20:40.610 --> 00:20:43.320
I've chosen not to correct someone
00:20:43.320 --> 00:20:45.080
and then bad things happen.
00:20:45.080 --> 00:20:48.830
I've been physically attacked
manhandled by security guards
00:20:48.830 --> 00:20:50.123
and police officers.
00:20:51.950 --> 00:20:54.150
All in response to me
being assumed as male,
00:20:56.380 --> 00:20:59.430
- You want to look like a
man, I'll arrest you like one.
00:20:59.430 --> 00:21:01.653
it can be and has been dangerous.
00:21:02.800 --> 00:21:06.920
- A blogger recently posted a
video of a lesbian woman being
00:21:06.920 --> 00:21:09.850
harassed by police
officials in a bathroom.
00:21:09.850 --> 00:21:11.770
Apparently these police
officials didn't believe
00:21:11.770 --> 00:21:12.820
that she was a woman.
00:21:13.659 --> 00:21:15.580
- This is a girl, and you
guys are harassing her.
00:21:15.580 --> 00:21:17.104
- I'm a female.
- This is the girl room.
00:21:17.104 --> 00:21:18.747
- Do I have to tell you again?
00:21:18.747 --> 00:21:20.686
- Do you have ID?
- No I do not.
00:21:20.686 --> 00:21:23.087
- Get out.
- But she's a girl.
00:21:23.087 --> 00:21:26.000
- Then out! You got no ID, get out.
00:21:26.000 --> 00:21:27.263
- This is so sad.
00:21:28.372 --> 00:21:30.570
- Put hands on me again, bro.
00:21:30.570 --> 00:21:31.593
- Oh, okay.
00:21:34.015 --> 00:21:35.928
- That is a girl.
- Time to go, sir.
00:21:35.928 --> 00:21:37.333
- So you're saying you have to have an ID,
00:21:37.333 --> 00:21:38.268
to go to the bathroom?
00:21:38.268 --> 00:21:40.210
- We have a situation here where
00:21:40.210 --> 00:21:43.205
the police themselves are male going into
00:21:43.205 --> 00:21:45.230
a woman's restroom,
00:21:45.230 --> 00:21:47.570
harassing the women in the restroom.
00:21:47.570 --> 00:21:49.740
And so they, at this point,
00:21:49.740 --> 00:21:51.123
become the problem.
00:21:53.810 --> 00:21:55.360
- [Narrator] Debate
over needing to regulate
00:21:55.360 --> 00:21:58.890
gendered spaces like bathrooms,
locker rooms, and spas
00:21:58.890 --> 00:22:00.420
has been in the news on and off
00:22:00.420 --> 00:22:02.380
for the last decade or so.
00:22:02.380 --> 00:22:04.730
Sometimes it pops up when
a local government votes
00:22:04.730 --> 00:22:07.530
to ban businesses from
discriminating against people
00:22:07.530 --> 00:22:10.370
based on their sexuality
or gender identity.
00:22:10.370 --> 00:22:12.000
Then people start asking,
00:22:12.000 --> 00:22:14.450
well, what does that mean for bathrooms?
00:22:14.450 --> 00:22:15.550
Back in 2016,
00:22:15.550 --> 00:22:18.610
you might remember North Carolina
State Legislature passing
00:22:18.610 --> 00:22:20.070
a now repealed law,
00:22:20.070 --> 00:22:22.950
requiring people to use the
restroom that corresponded
00:22:22.950 --> 00:22:25.280
with the sex on their birth certificate.
00:22:25.280 --> 00:22:28.120
And while the Obama
administration directed schools to
00:22:28.120 --> 00:22:30.380
let students use the
restrooms that matched their
00:22:30.380 --> 00:22:33.610
gender identities, citing
Title IX protections.
00:22:33.610 --> 00:22:37.070
Trump's administration disagreed
with that interpretation.
00:22:37.070 --> 00:22:40.020
So throughout all these new
laws and reverse decisions
00:22:40.020 --> 00:22:43.400
and debate people tell their
stories of being approached
00:22:43.400 --> 00:22:45.160
and harassed in these spaces.
00:22:45.160 --> 00:22:47.340
Even for just looking androgynous.
00:22:47.340 --> 00:22:49.500
- We've created an environment in which
00:22:49.500 --> 00:22:52.210
if you don't dress like a woman.
00:22:52.210 --> 00:22:54.380
- I said you didn't look like
a girl when I saw you enter,
00:22:54.380 --> 00:22:55.870
so I thought it was.
- A boy?
00:22:55.870 --> 00:22:57.850
- [TV Host] And if you
don't look feminine enough.
00:22:57.850 --> 00:23:00.837
- You know. It's difficult,
you're dressed like a man.
00:23:00.837 --> 00:23:02.550
Of course, you're dressed like a man so.
00:23:02.550 --> 00:23:03.780
- Well then people, men,
00:23:03.780 --> 00:23:05.930
are gonna follow you into the bathroom
00:23:05.930 --> 00:23:09.180
and question whether or not
you're using the right bathroom.
00:23:09.180 --> 00:23:10.910
- I stopped playing sports in high school
00:23:10.910 --> 00:23:14.530
because I was tired of being
embarrassed by referees
00:23:14.530 --> 00:23:15.590
who pulled me off the field
00:23:15.590 --> 00:23:17.570
because they thought that I
was a boy on a girl's team.
00:23:17.570 --> 00:23:19.330
- This is an all girls team son.
00:23:19.330 --> 00:23:20.560
You can't be out there.
00:23:20.560 --> 00:23:22.380
- [Keagan] I was discouraged
from joining the military.
00:23:22.380 --> 00:23:24.410
When I sat down with a recruiter who said
00:23:24.410 --> 00:23:25.690
that I wasn't feminine enough,
00:23:25.690 --> 00:23:28.803
- Just too obvious. If
you know what I mean here.
00:23:29.770 --> 00:23:31.530
- A military recruiter said that.
00:23:31.530 --> 00:23:32.970
And when I looked into colleges,
00:23:32.970 --> 00:23:34.640
the student advisor immediately thought
00:23:34.640 --> 00:23:35.925
all of my paperwork was wrong.
00:23:35.925 --> 00:23:37.730
- It looks like they put
female on all your paperwork.
00:23:37.730 --> 00:23:40.140
Let me go change that really
quickly. You sit tight.
00:23:40.140 --> 00:23:42.090
- I remember thinking,
00:23:42.090 --> 00:23:45.580
this is what the rest of my
life was going to be like.
00:23:45.580 --> 00:23:48.740
- I was running with the
girls at first for awhile
00:23:48.740 --> 00:23:51.200
and came with a lot of heat
running with the girls,
00:23:51.200 --> 00:23:54.240
but it was me doing something that I love,
00:23:54.240 --> 00:23:55.440
me being very good at it,
00:23:55.440 --> 00:23:57.610
being the fastest to my district.
00:23:57.610 --> 00:24:00.010
But then when we go out,
I don't get the run.
00:24:00.010 --> 00:24:01.540
It's always someone,
00:24:01.540 --> 00:24:04.070
it's not fair that she gets to
run against the other girls.
00:24:04.070 --> 00:24:06.680
So of course sometimes
my coaches would be like,
00:24:06.680 --> 00:24:09.241
okay, I don't want to cause any commotion,
00:24:09.241 --> 00:24:12.840
I don't want to disturb the
game, do you mind sitting out?
00:24:12.840 --> 00:24:14.950
And it's like, I'm stuck in a position
00:24:14.950 --> 00:24:17.570
to either be selfish and
want to run for myself
00:24:17.570 --> 00:24:20.900
or not run because everyone
else wants to continue with the,
00:24:20.900 --> 00:24:21.733
with the season.
00:24:21.733 --> 00:24:25.340
I shouldn't have to put myself
backwards for someone else.
00:24:25.340 --> 00:24:27.170
And it made me really, really
00:24:27.170 --> 00:24:29.090
depressed, it put me in a dark space.
00:24:29.090 --> 00:24:32.160
- I started to find it very unsettling,
00:24:32.160 --> 00:24:37.160
how much we are willing to
sacrifice about our own selves,
00:24:37.300 --> 00:24:38.913
our own individual,
00:24:39.760 --> 00:24:43.150
honesty about ourselves
to make other people
00:24:43.150 --> 00:24:44.283
more comfortable.
00:24:45.420 --> 00:24:46.340
I think, I just think
00:24:46.340 --> 00:24:48.360
that that's like what an incredible
00:24:48.360 --> 00:24:49.950
disservice to your own self.
00:24:49.950 --> 00:24:52.720
And not only that, but worse than that,
00:24:52.720 --> 00:24:54.290
it's expected.
00:24:54.290 --> 00:24:57.350
- You want this to be
easier dress appropriately.
00:24:57.350 --> 00:24:59.160
It's not that difficult.
00:24:59.160 --> 00:25:01.710
- I mean you bring this on yourself,
00:25:01.710 --> 00:25:03.123
walking around like that.
00:25:04.890 --> 00:25:06.270
What do you expect?
00:25:06.270 --> 00:25:07.103
- Listen,
00:25:07.103 --> 00:25:09.900
when you choose to look
and behave the way you do
00:25:09.900 --> 00:25:12.300
there are going to be consequences.
00:25:12.300 --> 00:25:14.473
It is what it is. This is just the world.
00:25:15.550 --> 00:25:19.910
- It seems like it's women
passing on advice that they feel
00:25:19.910 --> 00:25:21.540
like is a rite of passage.
00:25:21.540 --> 00:25:23.670
Having to conform yourself,
00:25:23.670 --> 00:25:26.470
having to fit what is expected of you,
00:25:26.470 --> 00:25:29.520
is something that all women
have had to deal with.
00:25:29.520 --> 00:25:31.460
And now you have to deal with it.
00:25:31.460 --> 00:25:34.050
And it's your responsibility to be
00:25:34.050 --> 00:25:35.760
what you are supposed to be,
00:25:35.760 --> 00:25:37.710
and if you're not that,
00:25:37.710 --> 00:25:40.170
then you get no sympathy
for what happens to you.
00:25:40.170 --> 00:25:44.740
So if I lived in a nudist
colony and I, and I never,
00:25:44.740 --> 00:25:45.573
you know,
00:25:45.573 --> 00:25:48.330
if I was raised in like a
nudist colony circumstance,
00:25:48.330 --> 00:25:53.190
I would have never had any
of the problems that I had
00:25:53.190 --> 00:25:55.290
with people being able
to accept me as female.
00:25:55.290 --> 00:25:57.400
It literally was just clothing.
00:25:57.400 --> 00:25:58.470
That was it.
00:25:58.470 --> 00:26:01.170
Every single negative
reaction that has happened.
00:26:01.170 --> 00:26:03.150
Every doubt in me being a woman,
00:26:03.150 --> 00:26:06.030
every criticism about me as a woman
00:26:06.030 --> 00:26:09.180
and having that identity has
all been about nothing more
00:26:10.720 --> 00:26:12.963
than clothing and a haircut.
00:26:14.640 --> 00:26:15.650
And it's
00:26:15.650 --> 00:26:18.740
it's kind of insane when you
think about it like that,
00:26:18.740 --> 00:26:19.573
right?
00:26:21.990 --> 00:26:24.400
I was in line to take my senior portrait
00:26:24.400 --> 00:26:26.760
and the school had given me permission
00:26:26.760 --> 00:26:28.663
to wear the tux instead of the drape.
00:26:29.770 --> 00:26:31.420
And right before I'm
about to take the picture,
00:26:31.420 --> 00:26:32.440
my mom calls me,
00:26:32.440 --> 00:26:33.300
- [Keagan's Mom] I'm just asking you
00:26:33.300 --> 00:26:35.360
to give me this one thing, Keagan
00:26:35.360 --> 00:26:36.960
please for me.
00:26:36.960 --> 00:26:38.800
Wear whatever you want
the rest of your life,
00:26:38.800 --> 00:26:41.373
but at least just give me this one.
00:26:42.870 --> 00:26:45.380
- I'm not entirely sure
why, I guess I felt like,
00:26:45.380 --> 00:26:46.393
I owed it to her,
00:26:47.470 --> 00:26:49.020
but I put on the drape
00:26:49.020 --> 00:26:52.001
and I took the most
uncomfortable photo of my life
00:26:52.001 --> 00:26:53.437
as my gift to her.
00:27:15.620 --> 00:27:16.640
A few months later,
00:27:16.640 --> 00:27:19.490
I came home to find my
mother on the kitchen floor
00:27:19.490 --> 00:27:22.260
with my senior pictures,
scattered around her.
00:27:22.260 --> 00:27:23.483
She was sobbing.
00:27:25.956 --> 00:27:27.289
- I am so sorry.
00:27:29.780 --> 00:27:31.650
I see it now,
00:27:31.650 --> 00:27:32.943
this isn't my daughter.
00:27:37.750 --> 00:27:38.780
- I reached to hug my mother
00:27:38.780 --> 00:27:40.513
for the first time in five years.
00:27:44.860 --> 00:27:46.900
Because of that moment with my mother,
00:27:46.900 --> 00:27:48.060
I believe that
00:27:48.060 --> 00:27:50.080
progress between conflicting people
00:27:50.080 --> 00:27:53.010
happens when you reach a point of empathy.
00:27:53.010 --> 00:27:57.140
Many people can't get there
and I acknowledge that.
00:27:57.140 --> 00:27:58.820
I'm very fortunate
00:27:58.820 --> 00:28:02.210
to have a family that I
was able to get there with.
00:28:02.210 --> 00:28:04.450
- I left home at 15 and I
have not looked back since
00:28:04.450 --> 00:28:05.930
I made that a very, very clear,
00:28:05.930 --> 00:28:07.780
conscious decision to never look back.
00:28:07.780 --> 00:28:08.710
I needed to.
00:28:08.710 --> 00:28:10.710
Emotionally, I could not handle it,
00:28:10.710 --> 00:28:13.110
and it was causing a lot of stress
00:28:13.110 --> 00:28:15.490
and I was having panic attacks.
00:28:15.490 --> 00:28:17.420
- Do you think that you'll
ever have a relationship
00:28:17.420 --> 00:28:18.980
with your parents again?
00:28:20.260 --> 00:28:21.440
- I pray on it.
00:28:21.440 --> 00:28:22.830
I can honestly say I prayed on them
00:28:22.830 --> 00:28:25.360
because nobody longs to just
be away from their family.
00:28:25.360 --> 00:28:26.660
Nobody wants that.
00:28:26.660 --> 00:28:29.640
I really want the relationship with them,
00:28:29.640 --> 00:28:31.720
but I'm not forcing it anymore.
00:28:31.720 --> 00:28:33.490
It's like if it happens, it happens.
00:28:33.490 --> 00:28:34.570
And if it doesn't happen,
00:28:34.570 --> 00:28:35.710
eventually at least I know
00:28:35.710 --> 00:28:38.373
I made a sound decision
for my better self.
00:28:43.600 --> 00:28:45.634
- Now I know that my personality
00:28:45.634 --> 00:28:48.730
and my appearance do not waste
00:28:48.730 --> 00:28:52.260
or erase my ability to
be seen as beautiful
00:28:52.260 --> 00:28:55.593
or render me deserving of
any kind of punishment.
00:28:57.290 --> 00:28:58.360
- What advice I would give
00:28:58.360 --> 00:29:00.940
to younger individuals is
00:29:02.030 --> 00:29:03.660
it takes time.
00:29:03.660 --> 00:29:05.670
Nothing happens overnight.
00:29:05.670 --> 00:29:08.010
You have to experience things in life
00:29:08.010 --> 00:29:11.420
in order to overcome them
and be a better person.
00:29:11.420 --> 00:29:13.000
Like I, even today,
00:29:13.000 --> 00:29:15.250
like I'll find myself
going to lunch with my mom
00:29:15.250 --> 00:29:17.110
and reaching for my earrings.
00:29:17.110 --> 00:29:18.753
And like, I have to stop myself
00:29:18.753 --> 00:29:21.720
because I'm like, no
you have to be yourself.
00:29:21.720 --> 00:29:23.470
If for doing it for someone else,
00:29:23.470 --> 00:29:25.040
it's completely wrong.
00:29:25.040 --> 00:29:26.860
- For my part, if I could tell
00:29:27.710 --> 00:29:30.660
little girl Shavone something it is,
00:29:30.660 --> 00:29:32.560
that is about them
00:29:32.560 --> 00:29:35.560
it has nothing to do with you.
00:29:35.560 --> 00:29:39.510
Remember that you can only
control your own questions.
00:29:39.510 --> 00:29:42.400
You can only control what
it is that's going on
00:29:42.400 --> 00:29:44.480
within the four corners of your body.
00:29:44.480 --> 00:29:46.390
And your life is not
00:29:47.480 --> 00:29:49.910
dictated by other people.
00:29:49.910 --> 00:29:51.220
You get to dictate that,
00:29:51.220 --> 00:29:53.130
you get to be the owner of your life.
00:29:53.130 --> 00:29:56.550
And if gray is comfortable, embrace that.
00:29:56.550 --> 00:29:59.550
- Gain that, that confidence
to look for resources
00:29:59.550 --> 00:30:02.350
and look for a help out outside of
00:30:02.350 --> 00:30:03.920
the people that's around you.
00:30:03.920 --> 00:30:06.440
Don't let your situation
00:30:06.440 --> 00:30:09.300
cause you to really box yourself in
00:30:09.300 --> 00:30:11.060
because that can hinder you from growth
00:30:11.060 --> 00:30:13.350
and progression as well
as healing in the future.
00:30:13.350 --> 00:30:16.740
- If I can say anything to
the younger people right now.
00:30:16.740 --> 00:30:20.443
Any one of you could be
my child or my grandchild.
00:30:21.540 --> 00:30:22.870
I would tell you,
00:30:22.870 --> 00:30:23.703
we're here.
00:30:23.703 --> 00:30:25.710
You might have to look
a little bit to find us,
00:30:25.710 --> 00:30:27.370
but we love you.
00:30:27.370 --> 00:30:29.120
And we want to help you.
00:30:29.120 --> 00:30:30.550
If I could
00:30:30.550 --> 00:30:32.840
prevent any one of you from going through
00:30:32.840 --> 00:30:34.870
some of the things I went through
00:30:34.870 --> 00:30:36.470
and seeing some of, hear,
00:30:36.470 --> 00:30:38.930
hearing all these things
that you've gone through,
00:30:38.930 --> 00:30:40.110
I would do it.
00:30:40.110 --> 00:30:41.760
I would do it, and
00:30:42.760 --> 00:30:45.240
my deepest regret at life is that
00:30:46.210 --> 00:30:48.990
despite everything my
generation went through,
00:30:48.990 --> 00:30:51.050
Stonewall and the beatings,
00:30:51.050 --> 00:30:52.070
I
00:30:52.070 --> 00:30:53.470
so thought
00:30:53.470 --> 00:30:55.220
that it would be different for you.
00:30:56.460 --> 00:30:58.860
I really, really, really, really believed
00:31:00.050 --> 00:31:01.830
that what I did made a difference
00:31:03.230 --> 00:31:05.540
and that you and you and you,
00:31:05.540 --> 00:31:09.085
and you wouldn't have to go
through what I went through.
00:31:09.085 --> 00:31:10.180
That was our job
00:31:11.100 --> 00:31:12.210
was to take it.
00:31:12.210 --> 00:31:13.960
So you guys could all be free.
00:31:20.000 --> 00:31:22.150
- Identity conflicts like these
00:31:22.150 --> 00:31:24.750
tend to come from traditional ideas
00:31:24.750 --> 00:31:27.210
of stereotypical gender roles in
00:31:27.210 --> 00:31:30.180
antiquated man-made definitions of gender.
00:31:30.180 --> 00:31:32.520
These dated definitions
are crashing against
00:31:32.520 --> 00:31:34.630
our modern understanding
00:31:34.630 --> 00:31:37.020
and binary concepts are not working.
00:31:37.020 --> 00:31:39.200
There is no correct version of a woman.
00:31:39.200 --> 00:31:41.920
There is no correct version of a man.
00:31:41.920 --> 00:31:44.060
And continuing that idea
00:31:44.060 --> 00:31:48.660
is stifling the true personalities
of so many individuals,
00:31:48.660 --> 00:31:50.900
but as someone who has
experienced so much assumption
00:31:50.900 --> 00:31:52.920
based on my gender expression.
00:31:52.920 --> 00:31:55.690
I'm relieved that our society
is finally getting to a place
00:31:55.690 --> 00:31:58.310
where asking people how they identify
00:31:58.310 --> 00:32:00.830
is becoming somewhat
of a social etiquette.
00:32:00.830 --> 00:32:02.530
It creates a dialogue for people,
00:32:02.530 --> 00:32:04.930
who have had similar experiences to mine,
00:32:04.930 --> 00:32:07.870
to identify themselves comfortably.
00:32:07.870 --> 00:32:10.370
Every single human being
has a unique personality
00:32:10.370 --> 00:32:13.060
regardless of their gender identity.
00:32:13.060 --> 00:32:15.350
Terminology needs to
be constantly evolving
00:32:15.350 --> 00:32:17.823
because human beings
are constantly evolving.
00:32:18.750 --> 00:32:20.760
Having two very strict ideas of
00:32:20.760 --> 00:32:22.780
male and female in our culture
00:32:22.780 --> 00:32:25.890
is leaving millions of
identities without a place.
00:32:25.890 --> 00:32:28.360
I wouldn't change anything
about who I turned out to be.
00:32:28.360 --> 00:32:30.710
I appreciate being a challenge to what is
00:32:30.710 --> 00:32:32.750
previously been accepted as the norm
00:32:32.750 --> 00:32:36.003
and challenging what women
are and what women can be.
00:32:37.230 --> 00:32:39.110
I feel proud
00:32:39.110 --> 00:32:40.660
to be a woman in the gray area.