Distributor:  Icarus Films
Length:  42 minutes
Date:  2018
Genre:  Expository
Language:  English
Color/BW:  Color
Closed captioning available
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I Cannot Tell You How I Feel

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Filmmaker Su Friedrich moves her fiesty mother into an "independent living" facility.

I Cannot Tell You How I Feel

Su Friedrich has taken up the camera again in her ongoing quest to film the battleground of family life. Her mother Lore—who played the lead in The Ties That Bind (1984), a film about her experiences growing up in Germany during the Second World War—plays the lead again, this time kicking and protesting against being moved at the age of 94 from her home in Chicago.
Su and her two siblings fill out the supporting roles, cajoling, comforting, and freaking out, but they cannot deny that their mother is no longer able to care for herself. Lore has severe memory loss and is convinced that her doorman has been robbing her. She often asks Su the same question repeatedly and cannot remember what she ate for breakfast. In an effort for Su and her siblings to be closer to her, they move her from her home of 50 years to an “independent living” facility in Long Island, New York.
I Cannot Tell You How I Feel is heartfelt examination of growing old in today’s society, and the responsibility of adult children to their parents.

"By candidly confronting personal struggles, Friedrich’s films invite reflections on broader, often universal concerns. This is again the case with her latest, I Cannot Tell You How I Feel, which offers a moving, tragic, frequently funny, and profoundly empathetic consideration of mortality and filial responsibility."Giovanni Marchini Camia, Fandor

"There’s been a recent, very interesting micro-trend among female experimental filmmakers. In the past few years, we’ve seen films by Chantal Akerman (No Home Movie) and Beth B (Call Her Applebroog) that see each filmmaker dealing with her relationship with her aging mother, and how her mother’s past reflects upon the director’s present. Su Friedrich’s I Cannot Tell You How I Feel is a thoughtful, richly felt addition to the genre."Dana Reinoos, Screen Slate

"I can tell you how I feel about I Cannot Tell You How I Feel: it is aesthetically unpretentious, ethically adult, and carefully crafted — and precisely as long as it should be. Its candidness about dealing with aging relatives is an engaging antidote to the usual myths, cartoons, and melodramas about aging so common in movies and on television. As participant director and narrator (in both voice-over and visual text), Friedrich is by turns wryly good-humored, self-involved and self-aware, pained, frustrated, and compassionate. For those who remember The Ties That Bind (1984), Friedrich’s breakthrough film about her mother growing up as an anti-Nazi German in the 1930s and 1940s, watching the feisty Lore Friedrich deal with moving to the strange new world of assisted living has particular poignancy." —Scott MacDonald, author of 'Avant-Doc: Intersections of Documentary and Avant-Garde Cinema'


** World Premiere, Viennale Film Festival, Austria
** USA Premiere, BAMcinematek
** FrauenFilmFestival Dortmund, Germany
** Union Docs, Brooklyn


Main credits

Friedrich, Lore (on-screen participant)
Friedrich, Su (filmmaker)
Friedrich, Su (cinematographer)
Friedrich, Su (screenwriter)
Friedrich, Su (editor of moving image work)
Quinlan, Cathy (screenwriter)

Other credits

Camera, writing, editing & sound editing, Su Friedrich; music by: Joey Ramone [and 10 others].

Distributor credits

A film by Su Friedrich

Docuseek2 subjects

Longterm Care
Women's Studies

Distributor subjects

Family Relations
Women's Studies


; "I Cannot Tell You How I Feel"; Icarus Films; "I Cannot Tell You How I Feel"; Icarus Films; Su Friedrich; Lore Friedrich;

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