Inside Her Sex
- Description
- Reviews
- Citation
- Cataloging
- Transcript
While we live in a highly sexualized society, the messaging around female sexuality is distorted and rife with shame. What women should look like, who women should want, what women should desire...in fact, who women should be, is dictated to us from screens and pages and people. INSIDE HER SEX is a thought-provoking, feature-length documentary that explores female sexuality and shame through the eyes and experiences of three women from different walks of life, each brave enough to chart her own course of sexual discovery: Elle Chase, a popular sex blogger, Candida Royalle, the creator of Femme Productions Inc., a feminist, adult film company designed to speak with a woman’s voice and Samantha Allen, the ex-devout Mormon and current gender, sex, and tech writer for The Daily Beast. Through varied, candid and intensely personal interviews, INSIDE HER SEX will delve to the core of these three women and their sexuality, beginning a much needed conversation around female sexuality and shame. Essential viewing for Gender and Sexuality Studies.
Citation
Main credits
McDonald, Sheona (screenwriter)
McDonald, Sheona (film producer)
McDonald, Sheona (film director)
McDonald, Sheona (director of photography)
McDonald, Sheona (editor of moving image work)
McDonald, Sheona (narrator)
Other credits
Music composer, Brock Ellis; animator, Kunal Sen.
Distributor subjects
Documentary Films; Gender Studies; Media StudiesKeywords
WEBVTT
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(light music)
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(birds chirping)
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that I had right around puberty
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that really established the link
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between my blossoming sexuality and shame.
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(children giggling)
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My neighbor Suzy and I were going on a picnic.
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We had a blanket and we had a little basket of lunch,
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and we were walking along the path,
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we were gonna go find a picnic spot,
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and as we\'re walking, all the sudden
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this guy comes out of the woods
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and he came right up to me and said, come with me.
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And he was a pretty big burly guy,
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and I remember very distinctly that his fly was open.
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And I went to try and run from him, and he grabbed me.
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And he tried to drag me into the woods.
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(ominous music)
(girl screaming)
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I was screaming these blood curdling screams,
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and I was just fighting him down, up, down, up, down, up.
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I was just like an animal, just like a little caught animal.
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(girl screaming)
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And finally, he took off, he fled, he couldn\'t contain me.
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And my parents, they opened the door
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and the police were standing there with me
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and my mother hauls off and slams me in the face
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and screams, I told you not to go into the woods!
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And my father just stands there
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like a wimp, like he usually did.
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The only one that comforted me was the policeman.
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He just took me in his arms and held me.
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My parents never did.
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I was put to bed and I just felt so sick.
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I was sick to my stomach.
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I didn\'t feel human.
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You don\'t feel like a person.
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My father, a year after this happened to me,
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actually had the nerve to say,
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women who are raped are asking for it.
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If I didn\'t already have it implanted in my brain,
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he just firmly implanted that idea.
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moments of shame slide into us and we begin to limp.
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Sometimes the shards are so small, we don\'t even feel them.
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If left untended, over time they can cripple us.
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Our shame stories are not the same,
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but maybe if we are brave enough to share them,
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we will discover a common thread.
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Evidence that we are not alone.
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No one spoke about sex.
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I knew it wasn\'t bad inherently,
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but I knew that it wasn\'t for me.
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(light upbeat music)
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In fourth grade, I had a business
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where I would draw comics of people fucking
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And they weren\'t just people, they were the teachers.
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And like, the teachers were fucking the children.
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And I didn\'t know, just everybody\'s a person.
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And I got subscriptions, 50 cents,
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and I would stick them in people\'s lockers.
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And I was makin\', they were stick figures.
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No idea where I got any of this.
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And obviously I caught, and I got in so much trouble.
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They didn\'t understand how I was coming up with all of this.
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I don\'t even know, but I must have been so curious
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and so thirsty for information
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that it was just coming out of me.
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I became fascinated with how I felt when I looked at it,
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but I knew it was wrong.
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(dramatic music)
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because Bob became more and more demanding.
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But not wishing to lose his friendship
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or the prestige she enjoyed from her friends
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for having an older boyfriend,
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she complied with his desires.
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Then Mary found she was in trouble
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and had to tell her parents.
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But now it was too late for advice
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and Mary had to be taken out of school
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and placed under the guidance of juvenile authorities.
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Trying to move too quickly into a world of grownups
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with a young person\'s fate
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often cause heartache and disaster.
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because I knew it was age appropriate and I should do it
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and all my friends were doin\' it.
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And they would try and penetrate me,
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and it would be excruciatingly painful.
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And I\'d bite down because I was too embarrassed
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to let know they couldn\'t do it
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until I couldn\'t take it anymore.
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And I\'d say, stop, I\'m really sorry,
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and then I\'m apologizing.
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I\'m apologizing, I\'m so sorry, I\'m so sorry.
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I know, I\'m so sorry.
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And I was so ashamed of it that I didn\'t wanna
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talk to anybody about it, I really didn\'t.
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There was no internet, so I could even go and Google
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vagina clamp, or whatever, vagina clamped shut.
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So I lived like that until I met my now ex-husband at 33.
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And I used to joke about it with my boss at the time,
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and she would say, times, not people.
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Times, not people.
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I felt very asexual, I knew that I had sexual feelings,
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but I just didn\'t regard them.
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I thought I was just one of those women who were frigid,
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and that I just didn\'t enjoy it.
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I was one of those people that didn\'t enjoy it
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and that was my lot in life.
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(background chattering)
(ominous music)
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and left to navigate the mixed messages.
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from what the Bible says, a ho.
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if this whole big piece of our existence,
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of our energy is in denial?
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(camera clicking)
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of books of photos and journals.
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Okay, let\'s see what we can get through.
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It\'s complex because of course I knew to some degree
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that I was a pretty girl, but I was insecure.
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I grew up in New York City.
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I was raised by my mother and a stepmother.
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Wow, isn\'t that pretty?
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Here\'s 13 year old Candy with a terribly embarrassed
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look on her face, and who wouldn\'t with that hairdo?
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I was a very alive, passionate little girl.
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I could really feel this stuff going on in my body.
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I didn\'t really know what it was,
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I didn\'t know how to identify it,
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but it was there, it was happening so intensely.
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(light music)
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There was no sex ed in schools at that time,
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and my family never talked about sex.
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Here\'s the sum total of the closest thing
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my mother ever talked to me about sex.
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She said something like, I don\'t know
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how women could put that thing in their mouths.
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(Candy giggling)
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Can you imagine?
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And I can tell you that I did not put that thing in my mouth
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more than maybe three times the whole time
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I was with my first boyfriend, the poor guy.
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(laughing)
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I have so many pictures of men here
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that I had little, wonderful, delicious flings with.
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I lost my virginity when I was 18 with my first boyfriend.
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I made him wait six months.
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I remember that my mother had taken me
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to her female gynecologist and she asked me point blank,
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are you having sex with your boyfriend?
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Yes.
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Are you on birth control?
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No.
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So she wrote me a script for birth control pills.
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They just became available.
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So when my parents found out, my mother, I don\'t know,
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we were having some kind of fight or something
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and she made the pronouncement,
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your father thinks you\'re a tramp.
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And I told this woman doctor,
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she said, don\'t believe them.
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But they\'re your parents, the damage goes deep.
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Why did I put the camera in the closet?
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Closets are really important spaces in my life.
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(light suspenseful music)
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One of my earliest memories
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is going through my sister\'s closet,
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going through my mother\'s dresser,
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trying to find clothes and putting them on.
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I didn\'t even know what I was doing,
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but I knew it was wrong, and I felt shame over it,
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obviously, \'cause I would hide it.
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I\'d wait until everyone had gone to bed or left the house
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and I would sneak in in the middle of the night
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and pull out her tutu or her bridesmaid\'s dress
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or whatever I could find, and I would put it on.
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And I knew that no one else could see,
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and I knew that no one else should see.
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But I knew that I needed to do it
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and that I wanted to do it.
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we know that emotional damage and other problems come
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from sharing physical intimacies outside of marriage.
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So instead of trying to ask what are the limits?,
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we should follow standards that will keep us safe.
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For The Strength Of Youth provides this valuable standard.
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Before marriage, do not do anything
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to arouse the powerful emotions
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that must be expressed only in marriage.
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In addition, For The Strength Of Youth
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lists some specific things we should not do.
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It says, do not participate in passionate kissing,
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lie on top of another person, touch the private sacred parts
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of another person\'s body with or without clothing
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or allow anyone to do that to you.
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to discover that you are transgender.
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It\'s not a place where you have the resources to come out.
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It\'s a religion that deeply shames sexual expression
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and any sort of non-conforming gender expression.
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When I was 17, I really just started to freak out about it
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and I decided I needed to repent,
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and I needed to repent of everything
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and I needed to stop being a sexual sinner,
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and I needed to stop whatever was going on with gender.
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Because you have to confess sexual sins
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to a priesthood leader, who at the time was my own father,
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I, as a 17 year old, had to go into my father\'s office
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at the church and detail, and they ask for detail,
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things that I had done sexually.
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And I talked about cross dressing and just laid it all bare
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in front of someone who was acting
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in the capacity of my priesthood leader,
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but who was just in fact my own father.
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I ran for security into the only dominant culture fantasy
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to which I had been exposed.
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If you grew up in a very insulated family,
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well, that was my understanding of the world,
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that that was the only way I could find happiness.
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When you put away something
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that is such a deep part of you intentionally,
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you just become a very unpleasant person.
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Dear, sweet man.
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We had no sex life,
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and I had never been really interested in sex,
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so it didn\'t seem to be that big of a deal.
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I became more unhappy,
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I didn\'t understand what was wrong with me.
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I was on different cocktails of meds
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to try and fix my unhappiness, and nothing was working.
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One day my best friend told me
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to watch a television show called True Blood.
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I watched it and the two main characters were in love
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in real life and they would have this sex scene
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and it was really intense.
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The chemistry was palpable, and something just triggered
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in me and I just started bawling.
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And I kept rewinding the sex scene.
253
00:16:27.220 --> 00:16:30.410
This is cable, it\'s not hardcore porn,
254
00:16:30.410 --> 00:16:34.339
but it was this romantic and passionate thing.
255
00:16:34.339 --> 00:16:38.510
And it dawned on me that I\'d never experienced that.
256
00:16:38.510 --> 00:16:42.640
And I felt so sad because I could feel inside
257
00:16:42.640 --> 00:16:46.913
that it was an inherent part of the human experience.
258
00:16:48.230 --> 00:16:50.590
And I wanted that, and I knew
259
00:16:50.590 --> 00:16:52.790
I was never gonna have that with my husband.
260
00:16:54.164 --> 00:16:56.783
So I had to make a big, scary choice.
261
00:16:58.078 --> 00:16:59.796
I just knew I had to get out of that house,
262
00:16:59.796 --> 00:17:01.940
because the longer I stayed,
263
00:17:01.940 --> 00:17:06.940
the more visceral the feeling of despair,
264
00:17:12.752 --> 00:17:14.850
that who put me here?
265
00:17:14.850 --> 00:17:16.350
I\'m not living the life I\'m supposed to live.
266
00:17:16.350 --> 00:17:19.010
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
267
00:17:19.010 --> 00:17:22.878
I\'d got woken up, and I know it sounds so ooga booga,
268
00:17:22.878 --> 00:17:27.773
but it was my experience, what can I say?
269
00:17:30.610 --> 00:17:31.853
It was really intense.
270
00:17:37.250 --> 00:17:39.923
I found a community online that I could be sexy with,
271
00:17:39.923 --> 00:17:42.190
that I could flirt with and flirted back with me.
272
00:17:42.190 --> 00:17:43.760
And then I started exploring Twitter.
273
00:17:43.760 --> 00:17:47.356
I started tweeting as Lady Cheeky, and I met someone
274
00:17:47.356 --> 00:17:50.207
that I was flirting with named Martin Geurre.
275
00:17:53.160 --> 00:17:57.220
And that person and I became friends,
276
00:17:57.220 --> 00:18:01.393
and then three months later, I ended up meeting him.
277
00:18:06.325 --> 00:18:10.734
I, for the first time, experienced sexual passion.
278
00:18:10.734 --> 00:18:12.830
I had been wooed for three months,
279
00:18:12.830 --> 00:18:17.030
I had been romanced, sent love letters and all this,
280
00:18:17.030 --> 00:18:18.963
so I was completely built up,
281
00:18:18.963 --> 00:18:21.550
and had never enjoyed sex before and now,
282
00:18:21.550 --> 00:18:22.913
I was enjoying sex.
283
00:18:26.690 --> 00:18:31.250
I was able then to just be naked physically,
284
00:18:31.250 --> 00:18:34.999
and then oddly, emotionally, with him,
285
00:18:34.999 --> 00:18:37.180
which made the sex even better
286
00:18:37.180 --> 00:18:39.523
and made the passion even more intense.
287
00:18:41.170 --> 00:18:43.020
Once you go there, you can\'t go back.
288
00:18:49.990 --> 00:18:50.931
289
00:18:50.931 --> 00:18:54.077
So this during one of the huge marches
290
00:18:54.077 --> 00:18:57.567
against the Vietnam Mar.
291
00:18:57.567 --> 00:19:00.990
I was at all of those big marches for women\'s lib,
292
00:19:00.990 --> 00:19:04.410
and this is when I discovered the women\'s movement.
293
00:19:04.410 --> 00:19:06.750
I discovered this coalition around the corner
294
00:19:06.750 --> 00:19:08.898
and it spoke to me.
295
00:19:08.898 --> 00:19:11.890
296
00:19:11.890 --> 00:19:14.263
297
00:19:16.000 --> 00:19:17.668
I became very politicized.
298
00:19:17.668 --> 00:19:21.562
I became a woman\'s liberate, we used to call it then.
299
00:19:21.562 --> 00:19:24.013
We had a table we set up on the grand concourse,
300
00:19:24.013 --> 00:19:26.613
we\'d give out literature.
301
00:19:26.613 --> 00:19:30.558
Twice a year we\'d turn our storefront into a clinic
302
00:19:30.558 --> 00:19:33.137
and we provided free pap smears
303
00:19:33.137 --> 00:19:34.960
for the neighborhood women.
304
00:19:34.960 --> 00:19:37.770
305
00:19:37.770 --> 00:19:39.570
306
00:19:39.570 --> 00:19:42.560
during meeting with the women\'s group.
307
00:19:42.560 --> 00:19:47.560
While we sat there, I would do these sketches of my sisters.
308
00:19:48.191 --> 00:19:52.160
Friday nights we turned it into a little coffee house.
309
00:19:52.160 --> 00:19:53.529
Ron\'s Coalition Coffeehouse,
310
00:19:53.529 --> 00:19:58.207
presentation by the women\'s collective, what is a woman?
311
00:19:58.207 --> 00:20:00.182
(Candice laughing)
312
00:20:00.182 --> 00:20:03.515
(background chattering)
313
00:20:06.290 --> 00:20:08.610
314
00:20:08.610 --> 00:20:11.220
Equal rights to have a job, to have respect,
315
00:20:11.220 --> 00:20:13.660
to not be viewed as a piece of meat.
316
00:20:13.660 --> 00:20:17.653
Equal rights to set forth our own humanity.
317
00:20:20.108 --> 00:20:22.377
318
00:20:22.377 --> 00:20:26.239
319
00:20:26.239 --> 00:20:30.947
and that meant that we wanted our partners to understand us,
320
00:20:30.947 --> 00:20:33.849
to know our bodies and to listen to us,
321
00:20:33.849 --> 00:20:36.500
and give us equal time in bed.
322
00:20:36.500 --> 00:20:38.889
And that\'s not what\'s happening now.
323
00:20:38.889 --> 00:20:42.222
(background chattering)
324
00:20:54.135 --> 00:20:56.968
(exhaling deeply)
325
00:20:58.110 --> 00:21:02.800
326
00:21:02.800 --> 00:21:06.090
It became popular and it grew into a place
327
00:21:06.090 --> 00:21:11.090
where I would blog erotic photos that depict real passion,
328
00:21:15.160 --> 00:21:18.497
that depict female enjoyment.
329
00:21:19.839 --> 00:21:21.293
This is my every morning.
330
00:21:22.340 --> 00:21:23.550
If you do this for awhile too,
331
00:21:23.550 --> 00:21:26.163
you see how different everything is.
332
00:21:28.910 --> 00:21:31.690
Well, you\'ve got your hardcore,
333
00:21:31.690 --> 00:21:35.000
and then you have your older man, younger woman.
334
00:21:35.000 --> 00:21:36.573
You have your nature shots.
335
00:21:38.490 --> 00:21:43.470
The Danes and the Swedes, that is some weird shit.
336
00:21:43.470 --> 00:21:47.800
Some just wanna show the girl being submissive
337
00:21:47.800 --> 00:21:50.423
and it\'s all about the man\'s pleasure.
338
00:21:52.350 --> 00:21:55.180
That\'s hot, sometimes I can\'t really qualify it,
339
00:21:55.180 --> 00:21:57.524
it just think it\'s kind of sexy.
340
00:21:57.524 --> 00:22:00.800
Even if I\'m not feeling particularly sexy,
341
00:22:00.800 --> 00:22:02.223
\'cause all have those days,
342
00:22:04.810 --> 00:22:08.870
and even if I\'m not a relationship
343
00:22:08.870 --> 00:22:11.397
or sexual partnership or whatever,
344
00:22:11.397 --> 00:22:15.840
one can forget that they are sexual beings;
345
00:22:15.840 --> 00:22:18.110
paying the gas, and walking the dog,
346
00:22:18.110 --> 00:22:21.550
and just doing everyday stuff.
347
00:22:21.550 --> 00:22:25.842
We participate, usually, in general on every level,
348
00:22:25.842 --> 00:22:28.653
except we put sex on the back burner,
349
00:22:29.501 --> 00:22:32.463
and I think it drives people crazy.
350
00:22:33.350 --> 00:22:34.603
It drove me crazy.
351
00:22:35.530 --> 00:22:38.750
352
00:22:38.750 --> 00:22:41.560
in the form of newsstand obscenity,
353
00:22:41.560 --> 00:22:42.878
and it\'s threatening to pervert
354
00:22:42.878 --> 00:22:46.820
an entire generation of our American children.
355
00:22:46.820 --> 00:22:48.951
They constantly portray abnormal
356
00:22:48.951 --> 00:22:52.458
sexual behavior as being normal.
357
00:22:52.458 --> 00:22:55.639
They glorify unnatural sex acts.
358
00:22:55.639 --> 00:22:59.360
They tell youngsters that it\'s smart, it\'s thrilling,
359
00:22:59.360 --> 00:23:02.950
it provides kicks to be a homosexual, a sadist,
360
00:23:02.950 --> 00:23:06.110
and every other kind of deviant.
361
00:23:06.110 --> 00:23:09.023
But actually, these magazines not only display
362
00:23:09.023 --> 00:23:14.023
complete nudity, but they do so in a perverted manner.
363
00:23:15.090 --> 00:23:18.103
Such as this appeal to the sodomist.
364
00:23:19.370 --> 00:23:21.500
Such as these shots, which are typical
365
00:23:21.500 --> 00:23:24.130
of the preoccupation with the female breasts,
366
00:23:24.130 --> 00:23:26.803
to a point that it has become a fetish.
367
00:23:27.887 --> 00:23:31.430
And this one, with its overtones of bestiality.
368
00:23:31.430 --> 00:23:33.930
(goat crying)
369
00:23:34.846 --> 00:23:36.992
(cat meowing)
370
00:23:36.992 --> 00:23:38.823
371
00:23:40.990 --> 00:23:43.990
I was talented, I was good in school,
372
00:23:43.990 --> 00:23:48.941
I never caused trouble, but my father was just mean to me.
373
00:23:48.941 --> 00:23:51.200
I realized that in therapy, I was like,
374
00:23:51.200 --> 00:23:52.797
what are you talking about?
375
00:23:52.797 --> 00:23:56.750
Dad didn\'t adore you, he was horrible to you.
376
00:23:56.750 --> 00:24:00.000
And I think he showed more of that when I was a little girl
377
00:24:00.000 --> 00:24:02.793
\'cause I was safe, but not when I grew up.
378
00:24:03.997 --> 00:24:08.997
It suddenly finally dawned on me that he didn\'t adore me,
379
00:24:09.260 --> 00:24:11.940
because when I hit my teens,
380
00:24:11.940 --> 00:24:14.853
he became very uncomfortable with my sister and I.
381
00:24:15.940 --> 00:24:18.363
I think he was afraid of his own impulses.
382
00:24:18.363 --> 00:24:23.363
He definitely showed inappropriate interest in my sister.
383
00:24:23.634 --> 00:24:26.200
First of all, I was actually rejected
384
00:24:26.200 --> 00:24:29.230
because the only affection anyone got was hers.
385
00:24:29.230 --> 00:24:31.650
And the message was that the only way you know
386
00:24:31.650 --> 00:24:34.473
someone really loves you is if they desire you sexually.
387
00:24:36.160 --> 00:24:41.147
That\'s the most important thing for a young woman,
388
00:24:41.147 --> 00:24:44.023
is to be sexually desirable.
389
00:24:44.023 --> 00:24:48.333
And so it really directed my life from there on in.
390
00:24:49.514 --> 00:24:52.847
(background chattering)
391
00:24:56.620 --> 00:24:59.157
I was looking for extra work.
392
00:24:59.157 --> 00:25:02.163
I answered an ad for nude modeling.
393
00:25:03.120 --> 00:25:05.210
Coffee, Mr. Weinman?
394
00:25:05.210 --> 00:25:08.130
And the agent asked me if I was interested
395
00:25:08.130 --> 00:25:11.980
in being an adult movie, and I was so insulted,
396
00:25:11.980 --> 00:25:13.660
I stormed out of the office.
397
00:25:13.660 --> 00:25:16.760
And I told my boyfriend at the time,
398
00:25:16.760 --> 00:25:18.778
and also a girlfriend of mine,
399
00:25:18.778 --> 00:25:21.745
and they just thought it was a great idea.
400
00:25:21.745 --> 00:25:25.130
So I went to the film set and I was very impressed.
401
00:25:25.130 --> 00:25:28.725
I had the same idea that probably most people had,
402
00:25:28.725 --> 00:25:33.200
that it was very sleazy and had some icky guy
403
00:25:33.200 --> 00:25:35.790
behind a camera, and there were those people,
404
00:25:35.790 --> 00:25:37.860
but that\'s not who I saw that day,
405
00:25:37.860 --> 00:25:40.237
and I decided to give it a try.
406
00:25:40.237 --> 00:25:41.228
Oh my goodness!
407
00:25:41.228 --> 00:25:43.410
Actually, it was not easy,
408
00:25:43.410 --> 00:25:47.851
I was shy, it felt weird, but the money was great.
409
00:25:47.851 --> 00:25:51.187
(light upbeat music)
410
00:25:51.187 --> 00:25:54.050
I got into it in San Francisco,
411
00:25:54.050 --> 00:25:56.110
and I followed a boyfriend to L.A.
412
00:25:56.110 --> 00:25:58.010
who turned out to be a real creep.
413
00:25:58.010 --> 00:26:03.010
He was like a very cute Mick Jagger, he was really cute
414
00:26:03.230 --> 00:26:07.743
but he was into bad drugs and he pulled me into them.
415
00:26:10.500 --> 00:26:13.948
L.A. is about the worst place you could be
416
00:26:13.948 --> 00:26:16.420
as a lost young person not knowing
417
00:26:16.420 --> 00:26:19.048
what they wanna do with their lives.
418
00:26:19.048 --> 00:26:23.950
What began as just opening your mind up,
419
00:26:23.950 --> 00:26:26.400
trying new things, smoking a little pot,
420
00:26:26.400 --> 00:26:28.760
taking a little acid, a little mescaline,
421
00:26:28.760 --> 00:26:33.200
eventually led to far more dangerous drugs,
422
00:26:33.200 --> 00:26:35.704
and once you get on that train,
423
00:26:35.704 --> 00:26:40.190
it\'s hard to stop it, and I didn\'t have the resilience
424
00:26:40.190 --> 00:26:42.677
at the time and the confidence to keep going.
425
00:26:42.677 --> 00:26:45.700
And I think I just lost my way.
426
00:26:45.700 --> 00:26:47.290
427
00:26:47.290 --> 00:26:49.959
We got important things to discuss, you know?
428
00:26:49.959 --> 00:26:52.042
429
00:26:52.878 --> 00:26:56.583
I was definitely suffering from some guilt and shame.
430
00:26:58.567 --> 00:27:01.650
(footsteps clicking)
431
00:27:03.730 --> 00:27:06.883
Doing something that was so taboo, it\'s just not done.
432
00:27:06.883 --> 00:27:10.030
Good women don\'t do this.
433
00:27:10.030 --> 00:27:14.542
I was a tainted woman and I essentially
434
00:27:14.542 --> 00:27:17.990
closed the door to many things.
435
00:27:17.990 --> 00:27:20.599
It was reckless, actually.
436
00:27:20.599 --> 00:27:23.432
(traffic passing)
437
00:27:26.193 --> 00:27:29.742
438
00:27:29.742 --> 00:27:32.867
where I was just completely dissatisfied
439
00:27:32.867 --> 00:27:36.703
with who I had become, with where I was in my life.
440
00:27:40.018 --> 00:27:43.387
And I couldn\'t really imagine a way forward,
441
00:27:45.218 --> 00:27:50.218
unless I changed something, unless I finally addressed it.
442
00:27:50.280 --> 00:27:55.080
I remember one night just breaking down
443
00:27:55.080 --> 00:28:00.080
and I went to the drugstore and I got some makeup
444
00:28:00.348 --> 00:28:04.310
and I went home and I put my makeup on,
445
00:28:04.310 --> 00:28:08.830
and I just cried because I thought that it meant
446
00:28:08.830 --> 00:28:10.390
that I was going to hell.
447
00:28:10.390 --> 00:28:12.617
I thought I had even more damned myself
448
00:28:12.617 --> 00:28:15.240
because I had already tried to put it away once.
449
00:28:15.240 --> 00:28:16.650
I thought that I was weak,
450
00:28:16.650 --> 00:28:21.650
I thought that I was failing myself and failing God.
451
00:28:23.830 --> 00:28:28.830
Slowly I started to realize what I had been put through.
452
00:28:29.940 --> 00:28:32.554
I started to realize this brainwashing
453
00:28:32.554 --> 00:28:34.610
that it led me to view the world
454
00:28:34.610 --> 00:28:35.840
in the way that I viewed the world,
455
00:28:35.840 --> 00:28:39.729
that had caused me to have the shameful feelings that I had.
456
00:28:39.729 --> 00:28:44.269
And slowly I gained confidence to say,
457
00:28:44.269 --> 00:28:46.761
no, I\'m not going to hell.
458
00:28:46.761 --> 00:28:50.281
In fact, I don\'t believe in hell, I don\'t believe in God,
459
00:28:50.281 --> 00:28:53.584
but I do believe that people should be able to be happy,
460
00:28:53.584 --> 00:28:57.280
and I don\'t believe in prescribing people\'s behavior
461
00:29:00.320 --> 00:29:02.713
in the service of ideology.
462
00:29:05.430 --> 00:29:09.503
This is Cory perched on our kitchen table.
463
00:29:13.191 --> 00:29:16.220
Cory and I met in Bloomington, Indiana
464
00:29:16.220 --> 00:29:17.789
at the Kinsey Institute for Research
465
00:29:17.789 --> 00:29:20.430
in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction.
466
00:29:20.430 --> 00:29:23.730
And we met on a Wednesday,
467
00:29:23.730 --> 00:29:27.120
and we had sex for the first time on Thursday night.
468
00:29:27.120 --> 00:29:28.173
Who are you?
469
00:29:29.280 --> 00:29:30.943
470
00:29:32.970 --> 00:29:34.960
471
00:29:34.960 --> 00:29:37.153
472
00:29:37.153 --> 00:29:40.050
that I have with Cory is that everything
473
00:29:40.050 --> 00:29:43.718
is just totally open and totally honest,
474
00:29:43.718 --> 00:29:47.970
and having a conversation about what we wanna do sexually
475
00:29:47.970 --> 00:29:51.164
is as simple as having a conversation
476
00:29:51.164 --> 00:29:53.745
about where we wanna go for dinner.
477
00:29:53.745 --> 00:29:55.688
(light music)
478
00:29:55.688 --> 00:30:00.040
There are a lot of barriers that used to be there for me
479
00:30:00.040 --> 00:30:03.203
in past relationships that are not there anymore.
480
00:30:04.419 --> 00:30:07.773
I was often with heterosexual women
481
00:30:07.773 --> 00:30:10.643
who\'d been raised to think of sex and intimacy
482
00:30:10.643 --> 00:30:14.720
in a very particular way that involved very particular acts
483
00:30:14.720 --> 00:30:18.963
and very particular sequences of those acts.
484
00:30:20.370 --> 00:30:25.370
And while they, some of them, felt inclined to explore
485
00:30:27.510 --> 00:30:28.994
more adventurous territory,
486
00:30:28.994 --> 00:30:31.322
it was always under the guise of the exotic.
487
00:30:31.322 --> 00:30:34.190
It was just like, ooh, that would be
488
00:30:34.190 --> 00:30:38.580
an interesting thing to try, but we need to stay on
489
00:30:38.580 --> 00:30:43.580
this main path of one very particular kind of intercourse.
490
00:30:44.760 --> 00:30:47.771
When you detach yourself from that world
491
00:30:47.771 --> 00:30:52.573
and from the worldview, so many other possibilities open up.
492
00:30:54.230 --> 00:30:55.660
Yeah, this is too hot, they\'re not gonna be able
493
00:30:55.660 --> 00:30:59.800
to show this on Canadian public television.
494
00:31:00.831 --> 00:31:03.331
(light music)
495
00:31:10.336 --> 00:31:12.732
This is Billy\'s rat.
496
00:31:12.732 --> 00:31:16.141
We\'re at Billy\'s house for queer Thanksgiving.
497
00:31:16.141 --> 00:31:17.204
I guess a lot has happened
498
00:31:17.204 --> 00:31:20.163
since we first started corresponding on email.
499
00:31:21.150 --> 00:31:23.989
The Indiegogo wrapped up a few days ago
500
00:31:23.989 --> 00:31:28.989
and Cory and I made almost $11,000
501
00:31:29.058 --> 00:31:32.563
to pay for my sex reassignment surgery.
502
00:31:34.850 --> 00:31:39.050
I didn\'t know that I wanted it when I started hormones,
503
00:31:39.050 --> 00:31:41.443
but after transitioning,
504
00:31:42.498 --> 00:31:47.498
things got really tricky downstairs, not in a physical way.
505
00:31:47.820 --> 00:31:51.350
I\'m still having great orgasms,
506
00:31:51.350 --> 00:31:54.493
having better orgasms than I was before.
507
00:31:54.493 --> 00:31:59.493
But my feelings about what\'s there aesthetically
508
00:32:05.074 --> 00:32:06.760
have really shifted.
509
00:32:06.760 --> 00:32:09.094
510
00:32:09.094 --> 00:32:11.808
(Cory humming)
511
00:32:11.808 --> 00:32:12.996
Oh, this is recording?
512
00:32:12.996 --> 00:32:14.413
513
00:32:15.427 --> 00:32:16.940
514
00:32:16.940 --> 00:32:20.550
for me to deal with is that I can\'t even look.
515
00:32:20.550 --> 00:32:23.750
I can\'t even look at what\'s going on
516
00:32:23.750 --> 00:32:28.060
or where Cory\'s touching me or how Cory is touching me
517
00:32:28.060 --> 00:32:32.870
without feeling awful, without feeling just sick.
518
00:32:34.098 --> 00:32:36.670
It\'s been a really painful thing to navigate,
519
00:32:36.670 --> 00:32:41.670
\'cause while we have this incredible sex,
520
00:32:42.345 --> 00:32:45.300
there\'s still something being held back
521
00:32:45.300 --> 00:32:49.563
because I\'m still caught up on something.
522
00:32:50.790 --> 00:32:52.440
And it\'s hard to talk about this
523
00:32:52.440 --> 00:32:56.810
without enshrining normative ways
524
00:32:56.810 --> 00:32:59.773
of thinking about gender and genitals.
525
00:33:01.260 --> 00:33:04.148
So I do have to preface this by saying
526
00:33:04.148 --> 00:33:06.660
it\'s all about individual preference,
527
00:33:06.660 --> 00:33:07.980
it\'s all about meaning,
528
00:33:07.980 --> 00:33:11.947
and everyone can signify things in their own way.
529
00:33:19.078 --> 00:33:21.995
♪ I will love you. ♪
530
00:33:24.730 --> 00:33:27.380
531
00:33:29.170 --> 00:33:30.973
532
00:33:30.973 --> 00:33:33.132
Look at this little tuft in the back.
533
00:33:33.132 --> 00:33:36.020
Boop, boop, boop, it\'s cute.
534
00:33:36.020 --> 00:33:37.050
I know it needs to happen,
535
00:33:37.050 --> 00:33:40.320
not because it\'s something that trans people do,
536
00:33:40.320 --> 00:33:41.960
but because it\'s something that I want.
537
00:33:41.960 --> 00:33:44.413
It\'s something that I deeply want.
538
00:33:46.567 --> 00:33:51.447
(Samantha giggling)
539
00:33:51.447 --> 00:33:53.947
(light music)
540
00:33:55.439 --> 00:34:00.120
541
00:34:00.120 --> 00:34:04.122
from not enjoying sex to be ferociously having sex
542
00:34:04.122 --> 00:34:07.193
and wanting it, and that whole arc.
543
00:34:09.244 --> 00:34:13.800
I just followed my libido, as it were.
544
00:34:13.800 --> 00:34:16.094
I lived in my sexuality.
545
00:34:16.094 --> 00:34:20.310
I over-corrected and slept with anything that walked.
546
00:34:31.835 --> 00:34:33.306
I have a bit of a sense of humor,
547
00:34:33.306 --> 00:34:37.010
so when things go wrong or when I\'m scared
548
00:34:37.010 --> 00:34:40.603
or I\'m in a dangerous situation, I tend to make light of it.
549
00:34:42.060 --> 00:34:44.803
So I will have done these surprising things,
550
00:34:46.730 --> 00:34:48.560
things you would never ever, ever do
551
00:34:48.560 --> 00:34:49.761
and you would never want your children
552
00:34:49.761 --> 00:34:51.093
or your best friend to do,
553
00:34:52.080 --> 00:34:53.780
I did and can\'t believe it did it.
554
00:34:57.545 --> 00:35:00.380
I can remember driving to this bar at 1:00 in the morning.
555
00:35:00.380 --> 00:35:02.180
He was a bartender there, he was closing up the bar
556
00:35:02.180 --> 00:35:03.601
and he\'s like, let\'s have sex in the bar,
557
00:35:03.601 --> 00:35:05.341
I\'ve got a really huge dick.
558
00:35:05.341 --> 00:35:07.990
And I thought, well, I\'ve never had a really huge dick,
559
00:35:07.990 --> 00:35:09.374
let\'s see what that\'s like.
560
00:35:09.374 --> 00:35:11.413
Well, let me just tell you,
561
00:35:13.640 --> 00:35:15.473
it\'s not everything it\'s cracked up to be.
562
00:35:15.473 --> 00:35:19.814
A 12 inch hard penis, bruised cervix.
563
00:35:19.814 --> 00:35:22.893
Let\'s just say bruised cervix, not fun.
564
00:35:24.070 --> 00:35:26.633
And he was so proud of it.
565
00:35:28.160 --> 00:35:30.410
I was a little scared, I was a little comfortable.
566
00:35:30.410 --> 00:35:32.110
And you just never know what you\'re getting.
567
00:35:32.110 --> 00:35:33.993
He slapped me in the middle of sex,
568
00:35:33.993 --> 00:35:35.507
like that was gonna turn me on.
569
00:35:35.507 --> 00:35:38.723
I went, ooh, gosh, no, I don\'t really like that.
570
00:35:41.880 --> 00:35:44.420
My therapist said, you\'ve been starving
571
00:35:44.420 --> 00:35:49.420
and someone gave you a moldy half-eaten half-sandwich,
572
00:35:49.447 --> 00:35:51.883
and you\'re treating it like a gourmet meal.
573
00:35:55.124 --> 00:35:58.770
I wanted to have sex, I wanted to feel cherished
574
00:35:59.610 --> 00:36:02.237
and I wanted someone to be attracted to me
575
00:36:02.237 --> 00:36:03.715
and wanna tear my clothes off.
576
00:36:03.715 --> 00:36:07.003
I don\'t see now, what\'s wrong with that?
577
00:36:10.426 --> 00:36:13.449
How we judge ourselves is how we judge other people,
578
00:36:13.449 --> 00:36:17.280
so I\'m suppressing all this sexuality.
579
00:36:17.280 --> 00:36:19.940
When I would see other women expressing their sexuality,
580
00:36:19.940 --> 00:36:22.713
I\'d be like, what a slut.
581
00:36:25.020 --> 00:36:28.580
Because there\'s so much shame attached to women
582
00:36:28.580 --> 00:36:32.180
actively wanting it and actively making it a priority
583
00:36:32.180 --> 00:36:35.320
in their life, they\'re aren\'t enough women who feel
584
00:36:35.320 --> 00:36:40.090
they have the agency for their own pleasure
585
00:36:40.090 --> 00:36:45.090
to go forth and attract it or grab it and do it.
586
00:36:47.570 --> 00:36:49.753
It doesn\'t have to be like that.
587
00:36:57.910 --> 00:37:01.190
(background chattering)
588
00:37:01.190 --> 00:37:04.470
(woman moaning)
589
00:37:04.470 --> 00:37:05.553
Intercourse.
590
00:37:10.080 --> 00:37:11.633
Everything you need to know,
591
00:37:12.700 --> 00:37:14.610
in bed with just a drink.
592
00:37:22.180 --> 00:37:27.180
593
00:37:27.914 --> 00:37:30.880
I wish I felt better physically at the moment,
594
00:37:30.880 --> 00:37:34.474
\'cause I\'m getting over this swine flu, or whatever I have.
595
00:37:34.474 --> 00:37:38.120
But I\'m excited, I like her, I like her a lot.
596
00:37:38.120 --> 00:37:40.880
597
00:37:40.880 --> 00:37:45.880
and we are live in bed today here on Playboy Radio.
598
00:37:46.280 --> 00:37:48.615
Please welcome to the show Elle Chase.
599
00:37:48.615 --> 00:37:50.590
She\'s a blogger, she\'s an author,
600
00:37:50.590 --> 00:37:53.150
she\'s a sex educator and a coach,
601
00:37:53.150 --> 00:37:55.460
and she\'s committed to empowering women,
602
00:37:55.460 --> 00:37:58.390
especially women over 40, and women with self-esteem
603
00:37:58.390 --> 00:38:00.445
and body image issues, to seek and un-tether
604
00:38:00.445 --> 00:38:04.550
their natural sensual desire within without shame.
605
00:38:04.550 --> 00:38:06.870
Please welcome to the show Elle Chase.
606
00:38:06.870 --> 00:38:11.440
Let\'s talk for a minute about what a pivotal defining moment
607
00:38:11.440 --> 00:38:15.690
may have been for you before you became a sex educator.
608
00:38:15.690 --> 00:38:19.670
609
00:38:19.670 --> 00:38:21.940
and people started asking me questions,
610
00:38:21.940 --> 00:38:25.000
and I thought, why are they asking me a question?
611
00:38:25.000 --> 00:38:27.320
I\'m just posting pictures, don\'t ask me.
612
00:38:27.320 --> 00:38:29.460
Go ask somebody who\'s qualified.
613
00:38:29.460 --> 00:38:31.800
614
00:38:31.800 --> 00:38:34.920
and I too was being asked all of those sex questions,
615
00:38:34.920 --> 00:38:36.880
and to me that was a really pivotal moment.
616
00:38:36.880 --> 00:38:39.890
When a woman came to a signing that I was doing
617
00:38:39.890 --> 00:38:42.325
with her partner and told me she wasn\'t having orgasms
618
00:38:42.325 --> 00:38:44.439
and they had been married for 15 years,
619
00:38:44.439 --> 00:38:47.180
and he thought she was having orgasms.
620
00:38:47.180 --> 00:38:49.529
And I knew that even without a degree,
621
00:38:49.529 --> 00:38:51.360
I could do something to help her.
622
00:38:51.360 --> 00:38:54.550
When a woman tells me that she can\'t orgasm with a partner,
623
00:38:54.550 --> 00:38:57.063
or when a women tells me she\'s uncomfortable masturbating,
624
00:38:57.063 --> 00:38:59.430
or uncomfortable doing anything,
625
00:38:59.430 --> 00:39:02.280
I just tell her that she needs some me time.
626
00:39:02.280 --> 00:39:03.840
She just needs to take time with herself
627
00:39:03.840 --> 00:39:07.070
and to nurture herself and be comfortable
628
00:39:07.070 --> 00:39:10.420
with herself first, and it translates into confidence.
629
00:39:10.420 --> 00:39:13.730
And then as soon as we\'re comfortable and confident in bed,
630
00:39:13.730 --> 00:39:17.390
that\'s when we grow, that\'s when we learn new things.
631
00:39:17.390 --> 00:39:19.762
Your big, beautiful sex workshops,
632
00:39:19.762 --> 00:39:20.595
633
00:39:20.595 --> 00:39:21.428
634
00:39:21.428 --> 00:39:24.941
635
00:39:24.941 --> 00:39:26.364
(Elle laughing)
636
00:39:26.364 --> 00:39:27.197
637
00:39:27.197 --> 00:39:29.810
638
00:39:29.810 --> 00:39:32.991
who are also people of size, and I would get asked questions
639
00:39:32.991 --> 00:39:34.260
about, wow, I really wanna do this
640
00:39:34.260 --> 00:39:37.930
or I really wanna do that, and also I really like
641
00:39:37.930 --> 00:39:41.409
that you will show porn or erotic photos
642
00:39:41.409 --> 00:39:44.780
of women of size that aren\'t fetishistic.
643
00:39:44.780 --> 00:39:46.020
There\'s nothing wrong with fetishizing
644
00:39:46.020 --> 00:39:47.170
as long as it\'s consensual
645
00:39:47.170 --> 00:39:48.003
646
00:39:48.003 --> 00:39:50.160
I have no problem dating, I have no problem
647
00:39:50.160 --> 00:39:53.904
finding someone to have sex with that I enjoy and enjoys me.
648
00:39:53.904 --> 00:39:56.187
And I found that women out there
649
00:39:56.187 --> 00:39:59.690
just do not understand that, and it\'s not just about
650
00:39:59.690 --> 00:40:03.730
being overweight or plus size, everyone\'s got something.
651
00:40:03.730 --> 00:40:05.320
652
00:40:05.320 --> 00:40:08.260
653
00:40:08.260 --> 00:40:13.260
I love her and I love being able to talk about something
654
00:40:13.590 --> 00:40:14.640
I\'m so passionate about with someone else
655
00:40:14.640 --> 00:40:16.173
who\'s so passionate about it.
656
00:40:17.460 --> 00:40:18.972
She is a very good sex educator.
657
00:40:18.972 --> 00:40:21.643
I am becoming a good sex educator, I think.
658
00:40:22.803 --> 00:40:24.754
This world needs more of us,
659
00:40:24.754 --> 00:40:28.803
and more of us that are not judgmental about things.
660
00:40:32.550 --> 00:40:35.193
(birds chirping)
(cat meowing)
661
00:40:35.193 --> 00:40:39.617
662
00:40:47.790 --> 00:40:50.773
All right, time for you to get down, okay.
663
00:40:52.450 --> 00:40:54.921
I had to admit to myself at a certain point
664
00:40:54.921 --> 00:40:59.223
that I had a lot of conflict about it.
665
00:41:01.920 --> 00:41:04.540
I think part of it was because the movies
666
00:41:04.540 --> 00:41:09.180
were just so shame based, very shame based.
667
00:41:09.180 --> 00:41:11.100
I think that porn looks the way it does
668
00:41:11.100 --> 00:41:14.119
because it reflects our attitudes towards sex.
669
00:41:14.119 --> 00:41:14.952
Keep your hands off of me.
670
00:41:14.952 --> 00:41:16.124
671
00:41:16.124 --> 00:41:17.541
672
00:41:20.316 --> 00:41:21.526
(woman screaming)
673
00:41:21.526 --> 00:41:24.606
I know that one of the most intense fantasies
674
00:41:24.606 --> 00:41:26.973
for women is the rape fantasy.
675
00:41:27.824 --> 00:41:28.750
Get your hands off of me.
676
00:41:28.750 --> 00:41:33.287
My theory is that we are so afraid to lose control
677
00:41:33.287 --> 00:41:36.421
and to give up that control that we end up
678
00:41:36.421 --> 00:41:40.687
unable to let go enough to really feel pleasure
679
00:41:40.687 --> 00:41:41.943
and to have an orgasm.
680
00:41:43.775 --> 00:41:45.275
No, get off of me.
681
00:41:47.950 --> 00:41:50.600
I did have conflict when I was asked to do that.
682
00:41:50.600 --> 00:41:52.855
That was very difficult for me.
683
00:41:52.855 --> 00:41:54.842
I wasn\'t happy about it.
684
00:41:54.842 --> 00:41:57.740
I don\'t have a lot of memory about it,
685
00:41:57.740 --> 00:42:00.153
but I know that I was very conflicted.
686
00:42:01.070 --> 00:42:02.393
You ghastly creep!
687
00:42:03.233 --> 00:42:05.643
688
00:42:05.643 --> 00:42:07.760
(woman whimpering)
689
00:42:07.760 --> 00:42:11.193
690
00:42:12.300 --> 00:42:14.380
of feeling ashamed and embarrassed.
691
00:42:14.380 --> 00:42:18.338
And I had to separate out how I really felt
692
00:42:18.338 --> 00:42:21.445
about the whole issue of performing sexually,
693
00:42:21.445 --> 00:42:24.460
as opposed to what society tells me
694
00:42:24.460 --> 00:42:25.355
I\'m supposed to think about it,
695
00:42:25.355 --> 00:42:27.353
and that\'s a hard thing to do.
696
00:42:27.353 --> 00:42:29.853
(light music)
697
00:42:32.640 --> 00:42:36.767
I got outed, I really felt like I had to look
698
00:42:37.790 --> 00:42:40.530
at this conflict, these feelings I was having.
699
00:42:40.530 --> 00:42:43.834
Because I didn\'t wanna drag a bunch of baggage behind me,
700
00:42:43.834 --> 00:42:47.250
and so I put myself into therapy.
701
00:42:47.250 --> 00:42:49.880
I found a woman who had actually be a sex worker
702
00:42:49.880 --> 00:42:51.730
at one time in her life.
703
00:42:51.730 --> 00:42:54.891
I knew she wouldn\'t judge me, and I got to work.
704
00:42:54.891 --> 00:42:56.573
I got to work on myself.
705
00:42:58.281 --> 00:43:01.980
The whole thing of recapturing my sexuality
706
00:43:01.980 --> 00:43:04.968
and freeing myself of that shame
707
00:43:04.968 --> 00:43:09.968
also came from reclaiming that really beautiful,
708
00:43:10.210 --> 00:43:14.793
pure, sensual aspect of my sexuality.
709
00:43:15.860 --> 00:43:19.429
So I felt that there was nothing wrong with the concept
710
00:43:19.429 --> 00:43:21.870
of people performing and people watching
711
00:43:21.870 --> 00:43:26.180
if it was all consensual, but that pornography lacked
712
00:43:26.180 --> 00:43:30.413
in anything really positive and beautiful.
713
00:43:30.413 --> 00:43:34.230
I started to think about gee, what would it be like
714
00:43:34.230 --> 00:43:38.220
to create movies that have a woman\'s voice?
715
00:43:38.220 --> 00:43:41.003
We would have Femme Productions up here.
716
00:43:43.490 --> 00:43:44.323
What was it?
717
00:43:44.323 --> 00:43:45.156
It was 11.
718
00:43:46.218 --> 00:43:49.580
I realized that Candida Royalle wasn\'t going away.
719
00:43:49.580 --> 00:43:51.760
My name was getting bigger than ever again.
720
00:43:51.760 --> 00:43:54.775
There was a resurgence of my work,
721
00:43:54.775 --> 00:43:58.943
because now it was coming out on video and cable TV.
722
00:43:58.943 --> 00:44:00.640
I just decided, you know what,
723
00:44:00.640 --> 00:44:02.188
I think I would like to take a stab at it.
724
00:44:02.188 --> 00:44:03.508
I\'m the perfect person,
725
00:44:03.508 --> 00:44:05.975
I already have a scarlet letter on me.
726
00:44:05.975 --> 00:44:08.975
(audience cheering)
727
00:44:10.408 --> 00:44:12.830
728
00:44:12.830 --> 00:44:15.200
of the adult film industry who set out to produce movies
729
00:44:15.200 --> 00:44:17.353
specifically geared to a woman\'s enjoyment.
730
00:44:17.353 --> 00:44:18.979
Let\'s welcome Candida Royalle.
731
00:44:18.979 --> 00:44:20.603
Candida, great to have you here.
732
00:44:20.603 --> 00:44:21.436
733
00:44:21.436 --> 00:44:23.545 line:15%
734
00:44:23.545 --> 00:44:25.866 line:15%
What year did you start your company?
735
00:44:25.866 --> 00:44:26.699 line:15%
736
00:44:26.699 --> 00:44:30.150 line:15%
737
00:44:30.150 --> 00:44:32.920 line:15%
were not geared towards women, really, predominantly.
738
00:44:32.920 --> 00:44:34.923
739
00:44:34.923 --> 00:44:38.450
The sex is more sensual, it\'s not as hardcore,
740
00:44:38.450 --> 00:44:40.400
I don\'t have the typical money shots.
741
00:44:40.400 --> 00:44:42.840
It was ironic because what was really meant
742
00:44:42.840 --> 00:44:45.277
to just put closure to Candida Royalle,
743
00:44:45.277 --> 00:44:48.190
opened up this whole Pandora\'s box.
744
00:44:48.190 --> 00:44:49.678
745
00:44:49.678 --> 00:44:51.580
Yes, Venus, what\'s the problem?
746
00:44:51.580 --> 00:44:53.640
747
00:44:53.640 --> 00:44:56.300
to say what women really want?
748
00:44:56.300 --> 00:44:57.487
Because that\'s what you want?
749
00:44:57.487 --> 00:44:58.590
750
00:44:58.590 --> 00:45:00.137
to say what women don\'t want?
751
00:45:00.137 --> 00:45:03.304
(audience applauding)
752
00:45:06.460 --> 00:45:08.250
Venus, with all due respect.
753
00:45:08.250 --> 00:45:13.097
754
00:45:14.034 --> 00:45:17.970 line:15%
have a shame based thing like pornography,
755
00:45:17.970 --> 00:45:19.240 line:15%
and it is shameful--
756
00:45:19.240 --> 00:45:21.300
757
00:45:21.300 --> 00:45:22.895
758
00:45:22.895 --> 00:45:25.560
they don\'t take their children to it.
759
00:45:25.560 --> 00:45:26.722
Excuse me, if it\'s not shameful,
760
00:45:26.722 --> 00:45:28.493
why can\'t their children come?
761
00:45:30.534 --> 00:45:33.011
(audience applauding)
762
00:45:33.011 --> 00:45:37.280
763
00:45:37.280 --> 00:45:39.140
is that it\'s a free country
764
00:45:39.140 --> 00:45:41.240
and we have the right to express ourselves.
765
00:45:41.240 --> 00:45:43.030
It\'s part of our constitution.
766
00:45:43.030 --> 00:45:45.890
And if you don\'t wanna view it, you don\'t have to.
767
00:45:45.890 --> 00:45:47.480
It\'s not forced on you.
768
00:45:47.480 --> 00:45:50.820
And I ended up deciding, I\'m not going anywhere.
769
00:45:50.820 --> 00:45:53.080
I\'m gonna go right back in there
770
00:45:53.080 --> 00:45:56.744
and start doing something that speaks to women,
771
00:45:56.744 --> 00:45:59.921
speaks to men, speaks to all of us and helps us
772
00:45:59.921 --> 00:46:03.973
navigate this really messed up sense of ourselves.
773
00:46:05.940 --> 00:46:08.773
(seductive music)
774
00:46:11.634 --> 00:46:16.634
And that was it, we did our first movie, Femme, in April,
775
00:46:17.460 --> 00:46:21.143
and we did the second two in the summer.
776
00:46:22.088 --> 00:46:25.690
What was so much was when I would meet people
777
00:46:25.690 --> 00:46:28.930
or go to a party or an event or something.
778
00:46:28.930 --> 00:46:31.490
Men had more problem with it than women,
779
00:46:31.490 --> 00:46:32.800
men would get a little flustered,
780
00:46:32.800 --> 00:46:34.730
a little intimidated by it all.
781
00:46:34.730 --> 00:46:38.137
But women, they would say, so what do you do?
782
00:46:38.137 --> 00:46:40.983
And I would take a deep breath and I\'d finally say,
783
00:46:41.928 --> 00:46:46.250
I make erotic adult movies from a woman\'s point of view.
784
00:46:46.250 --> 00:46:48.100
And their faces would light up.
785
00:46:48.100 --> 00:46:49.890
Where can I find it?
786
00:46:49.890 --> 00:46:52.140
I\'ve been wanting something like that.
787
00:46:52.140 --> 00:46:54.960
Women would say things like, oh my gosh,
788
00:46:54.960 --> 00:46:57.633
after 10 years of marriage and three kids,
789
00:46:59.062 --> 00:47:01.217
I can\'t tell you how wonderful it is
790
00:47:01.217 --> 00:47:03.490
and how much you\'ve helped our marriage.
791
00:47:03.490 --> 00:47:06.210
Men would write and say thank you, thank you, thank you.
792
00:47:06.210 --> 00:47:07.832
I\'m insulted that everyone assumes
793
00:47:07.832 --> 00:47:10.963
all men like the porn that\'s out there.
794
00:47:14.364 --> 00:47:19.364
I was one of the only women of my generation
795
00:47:19.460 --> 00:47:22.150
to have the whatever it took
796
00:47:22.150 --> 00:47:24.307
to come together and make this happen.
797
00:47:32.015 --> 00:47:34.238
798
00:47:34.238 --> 00:47:35.860
799
00:47:35.860 --> 00:47:37.790
800
00:47:37.790 --> 00:47:39.002
that\'s what I\'m thinking.
801
00:47:39.002 --> 00:47:40.419
802
00:47:41.550 --> 00:47:46.550
803
00:47:48.831 --> 00:47:51.640
to receive something in a way
804
00:47:51.640 --> 00:47:55.390
that aesthetically and mechanically
805
00:47:55.390 --> 00:47:58.813
lines up with my experience of my own sexuality.
806
00:48:00.847 --> 00:48:02.180
Oh my god, baby.
807
00:48:03.501 --> 00:48:06.501
This is what I\'ve always dreamed of.
808
00:48:11.223 --> 00:48:13.123
Like 400 maxi pads.
809
00:48:13.960 --> 00:48:15.660
810
00:48:15.660 --> 00:48:17.517
811
00:48:17.517 --> 00:48:20.113
This here dream is becoming real to me
812
00:48:20.113 --> 00:48:24.803
in a way that it hasn\'t yet, it\'s getting really close.
813
00:48:25.820 --> 00:48:26.961
814
00:48:26.961 --> 00:48:29.754
815
00:48:29.754 --> 00:48:32.214
what it\'s gonna be like.
816
00:48:32.214 --> 00:48:33.047
817
00:48:34.544 --> 00:48:39.390
818
00:48:39.390 --> 00:48:43.187
of genitals that I\'ve never touched or handled before.
819
00:48:43.187 --> 00:48:46.750
And I will have no idea how it works
820
00:48:46.750 --> 00:48:49.387
and no amount of reading anatomy
821
00:48:52.250 --> 00:48:56.140
or physiology textbooks is gonna help me understand.
822
00:48:56.140 --> 00:49:00.507
I actually really like it, I\'ll wear this to Dallas.
823
00:49:00.507 --> 00:49:01.547
824
00:49:01.547 --> 00:49:04.726
825
00:49:04.726 --> 00:49:06.640
826
00:49:06.640 --> 00:49:08.487
827
00:49:08.487 --> 00:49:10.503
a fucking country bitch and you just look like
828
00:49:10.503 --> 00:49:12.793
my queer younger sister or something.
829
00:49:14.450 --> 00:49:16.123
What are you excited about?
830
00:49:17.810 --> 00:49:18.923
831
00:49:18.923 --> 00:49:22.182
(Cory laughing)
832
00:49:22.182 --> 00:49:24.730
Well, I\'m also excited for you to be happy
833
00:49:24.730 --> 00:49:26.333
and feel more comfortable.
834
00:49:28.830 --> 00:49:33.830
It\'s not much fun to watch you be unhappy
835
00:49:36.070 --> 00:49:38.643
about your appearance or clothing.
836
00:49:39.960 --> 00:49:41.821
No matter what context it\'s in,
837
00:49:41.821 --> 00:49:46.323
this is just one avenue to make that, to improve that.
838
00:49:46.323 --> 00:49:48.303
839
00:49:49.409 --> 00:49:51.909
(light music)
840
00:49:55.390 --> 00:49:56.307
Bye, Elena!
841
00:50:09.693 --> 00:50:12.266
I might not have known the whole time
842
00:50:12.266 --> 00:50:16.627
that I had to transition, but I definitely knew
843
00:50:16.627 --> 00:50:21.441
that there was something big that I was deferring
844
00:50:21.441 --> 00:50:25.270
or that I was scared of, that I was running away from.
845
00:50:25.270 --> 00:50:28.530
I knew that I wouldn\'t be comfortable
846
00:50:28.530 --> 00:50:32.833
for my entire life just wearing a dress on the weekends.
847
00:50:35.885 --> 00:50:40.233
But out of fear, out of laziness even,
848
00:50:42.710 --> 00:50:47.150
I really put off answering that question for myself
849
00:50:47.150 --> 00:50:52.150
in really diving deep into my desires
850
00:50:54.150 --> 00:50:56.337
and figuring out what needed to happen.
851
00:51:11.977 --> 00:51:15.227
(trolley bell ringing)
852
00:51:17.956 --> 00:51:20.193
853
00:51:22.080 --> 00:51:23.166
Here.
854
00:51:23.166 --> 00:51:24.833
855
00:51:29.007 --> 00:51:30.750 line:15%
856
00:51:30.750 --> 00:51:33.032 line:15%
857
00:51:33.032 --> 00:51:34.520
Great to meet you.
858
00:51:34.520 --> 00:51:37.573
One of the things that\'s surprising about the surgery
859
00:51:37.573 --> 00:51:40.522
is that it hurts less than people imagine.
860
00:51:40.522 --> 00:51:41.760
861
00:51:41.760 --> 00:51:46.469
862
00:51:46.469 --> 00:51:48.420
is there in everyone, \'cause remember,
863
00:51:48.420 --> 00:51:49.432
everyone starts out female.
864
00:51:49.432 --> 00:51:50.800
Their spaces are all there.
865
00:51:50.800 --> 00:51:52.762
This isn\'t like we\'re inventing something
866
00:51:52.762 --> 00:51:56.620
that\'s preposterous or we\'re putting
867
00:51:56.620 --> 00:52:00.833
a new leg on a donkey or something.
868
00:52:02.304 --> 00:52:05.665
This is a space that was already there.
869
00:52:05.665 --> 00:52:10.597
So we\'re just lining it and developing it
870
00:52:11.530 --> 00:52:15.838
as would happen if you were meant to remain female.
871
00:52:15.838 --> 00:52:19.671
All righty, I am going to listen to you first.
872
00:53:07.960 --> 00:53:08.804
873
00:53:08.804 --> 00:53:09.887
Sweet dreams!
874
00:53:28.690 --> 00:53:30.880
875
00:53:30.880 --> 00:53:35.533
that you wanna take each one as individual as possible.
876
00:53:38.734 --> 00:53:39.817
So off we go.
877
00:53:55.950 --> 00:53:57.794
878
00:53:57.794 --> 00:54:01.170
that I was in movies way back years ago
879
00:54:01.170 --> 00:54:03.023
was really pretty horrible.
880
00:54:05.270 --> 00:54:10.270
I then did call my mother and she was amazing.
881
00:54:10.520 --> 00:54:15.470
She said, well, you\'re still my daughter, I still love you.
882
00:54:15.470 --> 00:54:18.443
She said, I just can\'t imagine my little Candy doing that.
883
00:54:19.277 --> 00:54:21.275
And she said, in a way I envy you
884
00:54:21.275 --> 00:54:24.313
because it sounds like you worked out your issues with men.
885
00:54:25.837 --> 00:54:27.490
So that was pretty amazing.
886
00:54:27.490 --> 00:54:30.940
And the truth is that my mother really grew to respect
887
00:54:30.940 --> 00:54:35.148
the business I started and how successful I made my life.
888
00:54:35.148 --> 00:54:40.130
And my father, when we spoke of it I said,
889
00:54:40.130 --> 00:54:41.489
Gee Dad, I feel kind of strange
890
00:54:41.489 --> 00:54:45.350
talking about this with you, sex and all that.
891
00:54:45.350 --> 00:54:49.193
And he said, with all the things people do,
892
00:54:50.050 --> 00:54:53.385
politicians lie, they cheat people, people kill each other,
893
00:54:53.385 --> 00:54:54.843
they\'re cruel to each other,
894
00:54:54.843 --> 00:54:58.263
all you\'re doing is bringing pleasure to people\'s lives.
895
00:54:58.263 --> 00:55:00.593
You have nothing to feel ashamed of.
896
00:55:07.306 --> 00:55:08.973
For the woodpeckers.
897
00:55:12.410 --> 00:55:14.693
It validated me in his eyes.
898
00:55:17.550 --> 00:55:22.550
And made me feel less ashamed, for sure, in his eyes.
899
00:55:25.249 --> 00:55:27.999
(birds chirping)
900
00:55:28.889 --> 00:55:31.472 line:15%
(upbeat music)
901
00:55:32.690 --> 00:55:34.150
902
00:55:34.150 --> 00:55:36.660
about three things to stick up your ass.
903
00:55:36.660 --> 00:55:39.367
I\'m a big fan of Jimmy Jane, and I\'ll tell you why.
904
00:55:49.693 --> 00:55:52.421
I can\'t imagine having gone through life
905
00:55:52.421 --> 00:55:57.421
being the way I was; no passion, no romantic love,
906
00:55:59.900 --> 00:56:02.873
none of that, no sensuality.
907
00:56:04.136 --> 00:56:05.986
908
00:56:06.835 --> 00:56:11.267
909
00:56:11.267 --> 00:56:14.340
or six weeks or something, \'cause I wanna see what\'s new.
910
00:56:14.340 --> 00:56:15.991
This is the Rebel I was telling you about.
911
00:56:15.991 --> 00:56:18.620
They actually devised a brand new motor.
912
00:56:18.620 --> 00:56:20.470
They invented a brand new motor,
913
00:56:20.470 --> 00:56:22.560
and it\'s sonic, like the Sonic toothbrushes.
914
00:56:22.560 --> 00:56:24.863
You\'re suppose to glide it on you clit.
915
00:56:26.010 --> 00:56:29.570
This thing\'s great too, I love this Evey.
916
00:56:29.570 --> 00:56:31.995
And it also looks like the Starship Enterprise.
917
00:56:31.995 --> 00:56:33.089
I do have one of these.
918
00:56:33.089 --> 00:56:36.331
I actually wear it and drive with it.
919
00:56:36.331 --> 00:56:39.210
(buzzing)
Look how fast it goes.
920
00:56:39.210 --> 00:56:40.618
People go nuts for this.
921
00:56:40.618 --> 00:56:42.674
This Jimmy Jane clitoral vibe
922
00:56:42.674 --> 00:56:46.853
that looks like a tooth is fucking fantastic.
923
00:56:47.930 --> 00:56:49.930
The great thing about this is
924
00:56:49.930 --> 00:56:52.983
for me it was the perfect rabbit.
925
00:56:53.850 --> 00:56:55.500
Your sexuality does not have to be
926
00:56:55.500 --> 00:56:58.750
tied into your body image, and there\'s lots of literature
927
00:56:58.750 --> 00:57:01.210
out there, but there\'s no literature saying that you can
928
00:57:01.210 --> 00:57:05.558
have bad body image and still find yourself sexy.
929
00:57:05.558 --> 00:57:08.591
People have squirted for the first time on this.
930
00:57:08.591 --> 00:57:10.350
Oddly, this didn\'t make me squirt,
931
00:57:10.350 --> 00:57:12.809
but I did squirt for the first time a couple weeks ago,
932
00:57:12.809 --> 00:57:13.925
which is kind of--
933
00:57:13.925 --> 00:57:14.758
934
00:57:14.758 --> 00:57:15.591
935
00:57:15.591 --> 00:57:16.913
I know, I didn\'t tell you, did I?
936
00:57:18.125 --> 00:57:19.290
Let\'s have a dildo, shall we?
937
00:57:19.290 --> 00:57:21.130
This one\'s my favorite.
938
00:57:21.130 --> 00:57:24.530
These things are sex life savers.
939
00:57:24.530 --> 00:57:25.740
You don\'t have to hold up your arms
940
00:57:25.740 --> 00:57:28.963
while you\'re blowing him, you can use your hands.
941
00:57:32.420 --> 00:57:35.670
It\'s about the flaws that we think we have
942
00:57:35.670 --> 00:57:39.343
and how much we think they matter.
943
00:57:39.343 --> 00:57:41.350
It really impedes our enjoyment
944
00:57:41.350 --> 00:57:43.723
of not just sex, but just life.
945
00:57:46.666 --> 00:57:51.393
I know what I want, I know I can look back
946
00:57:52.277 --> 00:57:54.188
and see what I\'ve accomplished.
947
00:57:54.188 --> 00:57:57.147
I can mistakes I\'ve made and laugh,
948
00:57:57.147 --> 00:58:02.147
and I can see the whole journey from beginning to middle.
949
00:58:02.745 --> 00:58:04.379
(laughing)
950
00:58:04.379 --> 00:58:09.379
And I just think I\'m at a beginning of another chapter.
951
00:58:11.126 --> 00:58:13.799
(light music)
952
00:58:13.799 --> 00:58:17.010
I have more shame at this point,
953
00:58:17.010 --> 00:58:20.210
more embarrassment talking about loneliness
954
00:58:20.210 --> 00:58:22.757
than talking about sex.
955
00:58:22.757 --> 00:58:25.182
I\'ll tell you the temperature of my vagina,
956
00:58:25.182 --> 00:58:30.182
but to tell you that I\'m lonely feels very much like
957
00:58:34.680 --> 00:58:38.740
when I wanted sex, I wanted to feel that sexuality
958
00:58:38.740 --> 00:58:43.740
so badly and wanted to have that guy just come over,
959
00:58:44.550 --> 00:58:48.750
and I would slut shame myself, basically.
960
00:58:48.750 --> 00:58:51.182
It\'s the same sort of shame.
961
00:58:51.182 --> 00:58:55.081
Because I think that it\'s worse to be lonely
962
00:58:55.081 --> 00:58:57.592
and admit that you\'re lonely
963
00:58:57.592 --> 00:59:02.592
than it is to admit that you\'re sexual in society\'s eyes.
964
00:59:04.448 --> 00:59:07.860
And it scares me to say to people, I\'m lonely.
965
00:59:07.860 --> 00:59:10.318
It scares me to tell you that I\'m lonely.
966
00:59:10.318 --> 00:59:12.880
Because there\'s a certain amount of vulnerability,
967
00:59:12.880 --> 00:59:14.947
and when you\'re vulnerable,
968
00:59:14.947 --> 00:59:19.623
you\'re open to having your feelings hurt in whatever way.
969
00:59:20.800 --> 00:59:22.120
And I don\'t know who\'s gonna be
970
00:59:22.120 --> 00:59:23.820
watching this when this comes out.
971
00:59:24.860 --> 00:59:27.710
I don\'t know if I\'ll be in the middle of a relationship
972
00:59:27.710 --> 00:59:31.086
or if I\'ll just have my second date with someone
973
00:59:31.086 --> 00:59:34.560
and just go, oh, we\'re talking about loneliness
974
00:59:34.560 --> 00:59:37.383
on the fuckin\' documentary, and hi!
975
00:59:41.120 --> 00:59:46.120
But I am, but the loneliness, at least the loneliness now,
976
00:59:47.250 --> 00:59:51.323
it\'s not half as lonely as I was when I was married.
977
01:00:04.488 --> 01:00:06.267
(bed reclining)
978
01:00:06.267 --> 01:00:07.717
979
01:00:07.717 --> 01:00:09.440
Cory said she couldn\'t be here,
980
01:00:09.440 --> 01:00:11.780
that she\'s got stuff to take care of.
981
01:00:11.780 --> 01:00:14.783
Yeah, she was cute before she left.
982
01:00:14.783 --> 01:00:19.783
She came over and she was like, can I just look?
983
01:00:20.480 --> 01:00:21.774
And I was like, you can\'t see anything,
984
01:00:21.774 --> 01:00:24.870
the dressing is gonna be on there for another day.
985
01:00:24.870 --> 01:00:26.420
And she just stood up here
986
01:00:26.420 --> 01:00:29.243
and held the icepack up and was just like, wow.
987
01:00:31.728 --> 01:00:32.565
988
01:00:32.565 --> 01:00:35.084
989
01:00:35.084 --> 01:00:39.770
I just feel elated, too elated to be in this bed.
990
01:00:39.770 --> 01:00:41.552
And I\'ll be able to get out of it tomorrow,
991
01:00:41.552 --> 01:00:46.552
but yeah, I\'m just incredibly happy.
992
01:00:46.700 --> 01:00:49.040
It doesn\'t feel strange or different
993
01:00:49.040 --> 01:00:53.280
so much as it just feels like I feel at home.
994
01:00:53.280 --> 01:00:54.500
You know what I mean?
995
01:00:54.500 --> 01:00:57.412
It doesn\'t feel like, oh my god, it\'s gone.
996
01:00:57.412 --> 01:01:00.610
It feels like, oh, finally, this feels like
997
01:01:00.610 --> 01:01:03.323
how I\'ve wanted it to feel for a long time.
998
01:01:04.283 --> 01:01:06.670
There\'s a lot of work and healing to do
999
01:01:06.670 --> 01:01:11.670
between now and actually making use of it in a sexual way,
1000
01:01:11.927 --> 01:01:16.927
but the immediate psychological benefits are so overwhelming
1001
01:01:17.470 --> 01:01:20.910
that I don\'t even care that it\'s covered in blood
1002
01:01:20.910 --> 01:01:24.470
and ice and gauze and stuff.
1003
01:01:24.470 --> 01:01:26.533
I just care that it\'s there.
1004
01:01:27.483 --> 01:01:29.983
(light music)
1005
01:01:33.339 --> 01:01:36.506
(intercom chattering)
1006
01:01:45.038 --> 01:01:50.038
Up until now, figuring out my sexuality has felt like
1007
01:01:50.070 --> 01:01:54.330
something that I\'ve had to do in the dark,
1008
01:01:54.330 --> 01:01:56.380
and I\'m just overwhelmed
1009
01:01:59.616 --> 01:02:03.530
that I don\'t have to do that anymore,
1010
01:02:04.523 --> 01:02:08.760
that I have a partner who\'s determined to show me
1011
01:02:08.760 --> 01:02:12.541
how things work and who\'s ready to figure out
1012
01:02:12.541 --> 01:02:14.710
what this means for us.
1013
01:02:14.710 --> 01:02:19.710
And a doctor who\'s gonna be there to help me re-adjust
1014
01:02:19.977 --> 01:02:20.985
and that kind of thing.
1015
01:02:20.985 --> 01:02:23.970
It\'s just such a different experience
1016
01:02:23.970 --> 01:02:28.913
from growing up as a closeted transgender kid,
1017
01:02:28.913 --> 01:02:32.070
not having any idea what\'s going on with you,
1018
01:02:32.070 --> 01:02:33.928
your body, your understanding of yourself,
1019
01:02:33.928 --> 01:02:37.340
or how you wanna be with other people,
1020
01:02:37.340 --> 01:02:41.022
to being in this incredibly loving
1021
01:02:41.022 --> 01:02:45.647
and supportive new network of people who help each other
1022
01:02:45.647 --> 01:02:48.167
and help you figure yourself out.
1023
01:02:50.194 --> 01:02:54.763
So I\'m just glad I\'m not taking it more steps at a time.
1024
01:03:00.179 --> 01:03:03.012
(monitor beeping)
1025
01:03:05.898 --> 01:03:07.926
1026
01:03:07.926 --> 01:03:11.137
because I\'ve been hit with probably the biggest challenge
1027
01:03:11.137 --> 01:03:14.312
of my life, and three years ago I was diagnosed
1028
01:03:14.312 --> 01:03:17.143
with stage three ovarian cancer.
1029
01:03:18.729 --> 01:03:20.869
On the light side, it\'s pretty ironic
1030
01:03:20.869 --> 01:03:25.869
that my whole adult career seems to have been around sex
1031
01:03:28.730 --> 01:03:33.730
and arouse, and here I get an illness that\'s all around
1032
01:03:36.730 --> 01:03:41.036
hormones that we produce in order to have sex.
1033
01:03:41.036 --> 01:03:42.510
It\'s been very traumatic
1034
01:03:42.510 --> 01:03:46.823
and it certainly gives you a sense of urgency.
1035
01:03:48.831 --> 01:03:51.157
I\'ve taken great care of myself.
1036
01:03:51.157 --> 01:03:56.157
I\'m in really good shape, and I fully intended to have
1037
01:03:57.090 --> 01:04:01.600
a very rich stage three, chapter three.
1038
01:04:01.600 --> 01:04:03.483
I don\'t want that robbed from me.
1039
01:04:06.610 --> 01:04:11.610
They removed everything that was at all hormone producing.
1040
01:04:11.716 --> 01:04:15.168
I don\'t have much sexuality anymore.
1041
01:04:15.168 --> 01:04:17.673
I really don\'t have sexuality left.
1042
01:04:19.930 --> 01:04:21.283
It\'s very sad.
1043
01:04:23.250 --> 01:04:25.889
And it\'s a dilemma for women in my situation
1044
01:04:25.889 --> 01:04:28.403
that they really don\'t know what to do for it.
1045
01:04:30.299 --> 01:04:34.820
Even your ability to conquer up fantasies and desire
1046
01:04:34.820 --> 01:04:38.995
is so driven by the chemicals in your body, the hormones,
1047
01:04:38.995 --> 01:04:41.313
so that without those hormones,
1048
01:04:42.800 --> 01:04:45.287
it\'s hard to even come up with the old fantasies.
1049
01:04:46.779 --> 01:04:49.279
(light music)
1050
01:04:59.195 --> 01:05:02.106
I loved sex, I loved sex.
1051
01:05:02.106 --> 01:05:06.300
I had such great sex, and I went all the way
1052
01:05:06.300 --> 01:05:10.552
from the continuum of just touching
1053
01:05:10.552 --> 01:05:15.552
all the way to just fucking, really fuck me hard,
1054
01:05:16.150 --> 01:05:21.150
fuck me, fuck me hard, just do me, pound me,
1055
01:05:22.115 --> 01:05:27.033
all the way, the whole continuum, and it was just delicious.
1056
01:05:37.072 --> 01:05:39.110
I think it\'s important for women
1057
01:05:39.110 --> 01:05:41.649
to have the freedom to explore their sexuality,
1058
01:05:41.649 --> 01:05:44.170
because it\'s part of who we are,
1059
01:05:44.170 --> 01:05:47.693
it\'s part of what makes us who we are.
1060
01:05:47.693 --> 01:05:51.490
If we\'re all repressed over on this other side,
1061
01:05:51.490 --> 01:05:55.095
I don\'t believe that we can burst forth
1062
01:05:55.095 --> 01:06:00.095
and be this confident, creative, expressive person
1063
01:06:02.516 --> 01:06:04.325
just in one area of our lives,
1064
01:06:04.325 --> 01:06:07.423
but not over here, put that away.
1065
01:06:08.570 --> 01:06:10.620
The more you try to repress something
1066
01:06:10.620 --> 01:06:11.650
because you\'re ashamed of it,
1067
01:06:11.650 --> 01:06:13.830
the bigger and more powerful it gets.
1068
01:06:27.053 --> 01:06:30.720
(light upbeat guitar music)
