Boobs. Melons. Bazookas: American director Kristen Vermilyea has large…
Breast Archives
- Description
- Reviews
- Citation
- Cataloging
- Transcript
Real women reveal their breasts and uncover personal truths in this gently provocative documentary exploring embodiment, womanhood, and the power of being seen.
The Breast Archives uncovers nine women's personal stories of empowerment. Baring their breasts and their hearts, the women share the unique journeys they've made with their bodies, from their formative years of hiding, shame, and disconnection to adulthood and the discovery of what it means to be a powerful woman. As the women slowly reconnect with their body-based stories they find a reservoir of strength and wisdom that lies within their breasts.
Citation
Main credits
Murphy, Meagan (film director)
Murphy, Meagan (film producer)
Murphy, Meagan (screenwriter)
Murphy, Meagan (editor of moving image work)
Rossi, Fernanda (screenwriter)
Roelofs, Petra (on-screen participant)
Grohe, Laura Gayle (on-screen participant)
Harris, Marsia (on-screen participant)
Other credits
Director of photography, Jodi Silver; edited by Esther Glovacki, Franceso Passalaqua, Meagan Murphy; music by Miriam Cutler.
Distributor subjects
Gender and Sexuality, Women's History, Women's Studies, Healthcare, Medicine and Nursing, Cancer, Death and Dying,Keywords
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All of a sudden there\'s this hormone thing
00:00:11.429 --> 00:00:15.839
happening things\'ll pop and
I can remember to this day
00:00:15.840 --> 00:00:18.538
the sound of the giggles and
00:00:18.539 --> 00:00:24.389
the boys and nobody explained to me
other than old boys will be boys.
00:00:24.390 --> 00:00:28.510
And girls get to be girls.
00:00:29.990 --> 00:00:33.658
I think if I was brought up
with the opportunity to have
00:00:33.659 --> 00:00:40.149
self-love or to appreciate my body
00:00:41.500 --> 00:00:44.580
Maybe a different person.
00:00:44.680 --> 00:00:48.078
I don\'t remember anyone
I was sitting down and
00:00:48.079 --> 00:00:51.139
saying this is how you are in
the world with your breasts.
00:00:51.140 --> 00:00:59.140
This is how you can just be who you are
aligned to hide my sensuality and order two
00:01:01.190 --> 00:01:03.619
a woman be accepted.
00:01:03.620 --> 00:01:06.439
My breasts have been hugely
influential on the person I have
00:01:06.440 --> 00:01:10.924
become because of my negative
relationship with them.
00:01:10.925 --> 00:01:17.089
You know we may be called on to know different
things at different times in history.
00:01:17.090 --> 00:01:24.169
But if we can\'t use our
bodies are sacred bodies to
00:01:24.170 --> 00:01:32.059
know then we are going to miss
that stream of information.
00:01:32.060 --> 00:01:36.228
There\'s something there\'s something that is
00:01:36.229 --> 00:01:41.069
more than what we are being
told or seeing there\'s more
00:02:00.880 --> 00:02:08.059
I would say the first time I became aware of
my breasts would be like giggly wiggly with
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girls sleepovers and you know
it\'s like you hide under
00:02:12.650 --> 00:02:14.989
your t-shirt and they\'re like there\'s
00:02:14.990 --> 00:02:17.539
all this like you know
displaced emotion and whatnot.
00:02:17.540 --> 00:02:21.559
And there\'s nothing there and you\'re
covering your nipples just in case you know
00:02:21.560 --> 00:02:25.848
and and I think there\'s also that legality
of like it\'s all safe in the snippet
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You know it\'s like no nipple no nipple.
00:02:28.370 --> 00:02:32.839
There was no talk about breasts
in my house growing up at Canyon.
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I remember my first Brom my mom taking me
for my first Brian there was nothing about
00:02:37.729 --> 00:02:43.339
puberty like I don\'t remember any talk about
it and still we don\'t talk about nothing.
00:02:43.340 --> 00:02:45.964
There was no guidance absolutely nothing.
00:02:45.965 --> 00:02:50.089
The only thing I ever remember from my
childhood from anyone in my family was
00:02:50.090 --> 00:02:54.769
my grandmother who always
said I have perfect press.
00:02:54.770 --> 00:02:59.419
She would always say. I
never nurse their perfect.
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I have perfect little nipples
may have perfect breasts.
00:03:02.165 --> 00:03:06.259
And I thought to myself well nobody touches
them and you\'re going to die like that.
00:03:06.260 --> 00:03:08.339
So who cares
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I can remember being like five or six and
being told now you have to wear a top.
00:03:15.010 --> 00:03:18.189
And it\'s one of those memories that
always sort of goes back and my brain.
00:03:18.190 --> 00:03:21.804
And I remember being really
confused because it was hot out.
00:03:21.805 --> 00:03:26.754
Why boys didn\'t have to
wear shirts and girls did.
00:03:26.755 --> 00:03:31.119
And I don\'t think any answer
I got was ever satisfactory.
00:03:31.120 --> 00:03:35.829
But I remember a piece a
sham there of why do I have
00:03:35.830 --> 00:03:40.734
to do this what\'s wrong with me it was
like cover this up. Don\'t show this.
00:03:40.735 --> 00:03:45.129
I think I developed really
early and like kindergarten
00:03:45.130 --> 00:03:51.479
or first grade where I was running
around the playground and I was
00:03:51.480 --> 00:03:57.784
Bobbing my line bu bi\'s were
moving and the teacher noticed.
00:03:57.785 --> 00:04:00.529
And I\'m sure I don\'t know
the exact story but I\'m
00:04:00.530 --> 00:04:03.499
sure she called my mother because
the very next day I went to
00:04:03.500 --> 00:04:06.529
school with a bra I wasn\'t
taught anything about
00:04:06.530 --> 00:04:09.589
my breasts and I wasn\'t
taught to love them.
00:04:09.590 --> 00:04:12.709
I wasn\'t taught to you really
even look at them just abroad.
00:04:12.710 --> 00:04:16.669
But the shirt on you know if they\'re
moving too much tighter bra.
00:04:16.670 --> 00:04:23.044
I used to play volleyball and after
digging all the women shower together.
00:04:23.045 --> 00:04:28.144
And what I remember is I always felt like
I didn\'t have a problem being naked but
00:04:28.145 --> 00:04:33.528
I felt like they could see that I\'m different
because of my breast looking different
00:04:33.529 --> 00:04:40.639
And I guess there was some sort of shame
around it through a little buds parasites.
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We the real issue was
outside of my family you
00:04:45.650 --> 00:04:50.779
know where to get a
connection to the tenderness.
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I felt there was a beautiful stream in
00:04:54.440 --> 00:04:58.654
these sweet-smelling grasses
and a wild apple tree.
00:04:58.655 --> 00:05:01.144
And I would live there.
00:05:01.145 --> 00:05:04.654
And I always like to be naked.
00:05:04.655 --> 00:05:11.164
I\'ll give them that was dangerous and girls
weren\'t supposed to be in the forest. But
00:05:11.165 --> 00:05:16.728
I love the sun on my body
in the wind touching
00:05:16.729 --> 00:05:24.180
me and nature connected me with what I was
feeling which is I am of the living earth.
00:05:35.590 --> 00:05:40.054
My relationship with my breasts would be.
00:05:40.055 --> 00:05:43.458
Hello I think their grade
there are moments that I
00:05:43.459 --> 00:05:45.078
have where I think there are two small
00:05:45.079 --> 00:05:47.674
through my life that I\'ve
thought they were too small.
00:05:47.675 --> 00:05:50.044
Looking from the side.
00:05:50.045 --> 00:05:53.313
Where are they from the front
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I love them. I\'m actually afraid to have
00:05:56.554 --> 00:06:00.259
sound so bad to have children
because I\'m afraid of what it\'s
00:06:00.260 --> 00:06:03.589
gonna do to my breath I wouldn\'t
have children because of
00:06:03.590 --> 00:06:07.324
that but I\'m a little nervous what
it\'s gonna do them because I do it.
00:06:07.325 --> 00:06:09.409
It\'s probably one of my
favorite parts of my body.
00:06:09.410 --> 00:06:12.154
My relationship with my
breast is very positive.
00:06:12.155 --> 00:06:13.834
I\'m really comfortable with my body.
00:06:13.835 --> 00:06:17.479
I remember like at some point maybe it
was college or something like that.
00:06:17.480 --> 00:06:20.599
That was that saying anymore
than a handfuls of waste.
00:06:20.600 --> 00:06:27.619
So I think I felt like I\'ve gotta hand
in puberty Jay Mansfield was the motto.
00:06:27.620 --> 00:06:31.579
So I thought I was flat
chested and that embarrassed
00:06:31.580 --> 00:06:35.929
me in the eyes of being
attractive to other boys
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I was very aware that they
weren\'t attractive by
00:06:39.709 --> 00:06:44.914
a standard the standard that I saw in
Seventeen magazine or that I saw on the TV.
00:06:44.915 --> 00:06:47.328
The nipples were sort
of pointed up and they
00:06:47.329 --> 00:06:54.874
were just you know rather than being
around and and perfectly even.
00:06:54.875 --> 00:06:58.099
And I had a sense that they
were going to change as I grew.
00:06:58.100 --> 00:07:01.444
But I was embarrassed by them.
00:07:01.445 --> 00:07:06.754
I didn\'t feel that I was attractive
and I wanted to cover up.
00:07:06.755 --> 00:07:10.459
I didn\'t like the shape of
my breasts like for instance
00:07:10.460 --> 00:07:15.709
my sister and me talking better pose
but she\'s got a very perky boobs
00:07:15.710 --> 00:07:19.563
And always had my boobs
however resemble more or like
00:07:19.564 --> 00:07:23.689
my grandmother\'s long and
pendulous my best friend.
00:07:23.690 --> 00:07:26.344
And we used to compare
our breaths actually.
00:07:26.345 --> 00:07:30.319
And she called mine footballs.
00:07:30.320 --> 00:07:33.994
So no I did not like the
shape of my breasts.
00:07:33.995 --> 00:07:39.784
And I think that was part of my just tucking
them away not really being with them.
00:07:39.785 --> 00:07:44.629
You know this body thing is
very very very deep for me.
00:07:44.630 --> 00:07:52.630
If there is an intimacy involved I
can be bold if I feel confident.
00:07:52.745 --> 00:07:58.519
But if it\'s a breast man I don\'t even count
00:07:58.520 --> 00:08:02.209
If there\'s something that
feels like I want to
00:08:02.210 --> 00:08:06.289
cry and it\'s obviously
complicated and deep.
00:08:06.290 --> 00:08:10.399
And it is something that would come
from my conscious and unconscious.
00:08:10.400 --> 00:08:13.848
But it would be something that
would make me feel less than an
00:08:13.849 --> 00:08:17.839
inadequate or not sexual enough.
00:08:17.840 --> 00:08:19.653
And I would have to say
honestly that I would
00:08:19.654 --> 00:08:23.149
overcompensate probably sexually
because of that literally
00:08:23.150 --> 00:08:29.614
because my breast it breaks my heart that my
my step daughter who\'s become my daughter
00:08:29.615 --> 00:08:35.569
She hates her body and I hate that she\'s
carrying that legacy and she just turned 21
00:08:35.570 --> 00:08:38.854
and it would have helped provide
00:08:38.855 --> 00:08:42.784
some sense of what to do to help
and how to guide her width that.
00:08:42.785 --> 00:08:45.289
I feel like there was the desire to have
00:08:45.290 --> 00:08:49.939
bigger breasts and then yeah
the the inverted nipples.
00:08:49.940 --> 00:08:52.668
I can still see myself sitting at
00:08:52.669 --> 00:08:56.059
the doctor\'s office because I
wanted to know if he could make
00:08:56.060 --> 00:08:59.209
my nipples come out just
like everybody else\'s
00:08:59.210 --> 00:09:02.719
and so he started touching
them in making even pictures.
00:09:02.720 --> 00:09:06.918
I believe and telling like the procedure
that okay then this was going to be
00:09:06.919 --> 00:09:11.824
cut and this was going to be glued
on and and all of a sudden I\'m like
00:09:11.825 --> 00:09:13.729
I like I couldn\'t breathe anymore.
00:09:13.730 --> 00:09:16.534
I was like oh my god I made a mistake.
00:09:16.535 --> 00:09:20.928
It was like Why for aesthetic
reasons would I do that and I cut
00:09:20.929 --> 00:09:23.988
my milk channels through and then hoping
00:09:23.989 --> 00:09:27.394
that it will grow back on
again but you never know.
00:09:27.395 --> 00:09:33.169
So I mean it from that point it was
so obvious like okay these statics.
00:09:33.170 --> 00:09:36.438
I mean it\'s important in
lots of ways in my life but
00:09:36.439 --> 00:09:41.220
this is my body this is
this is not what I want
00:09:55.600 --> 00:09:58.339
I watched women morph their breasts.
00:09:58.340 --> 00:10:00.544
I never had breast to work with.
00:10:00.545 --> 00:10:08.545
So you know to watch somebody be central or
sexy or let it linger or it is like I like.
00:10:09.430 --> 00:10:15.409
It\'s shameful from that place
of feeling deformed and
00:10:15.410 --> 00:10:22.369
all the respect that I couldn\'t wear the clothes
that were the clothes in the mod times.
00:10:22.370 --> 00:10:26.179
And so I had to kinda figure
something else out and
00:10:26.180 --> 00:10:30.619
to know that clothes are
made for women with breast.
00:10:30.620 --> 00:10:34.849
It is sad to go looking for clothes
when you don\'t have breasts.
00:10:34.850 --> 00:10:40.684
And you have to work at some weather some of
them and I can hear myself getting quiet.
00:10:40.685 --> 00:10:48.319
So obviously I went looking for clothes
reluctantly to this day. I hate it.
00:10:48.320 --> 00:10:54.019
Breasts have probably influenced
the person I\'ve become.
00:10:54.020 --> 00:10:56.689
Because I think they made me more of
00:10:56.690 --> 00:11:00.499
a free spirit where because I was always
so comfortable with them and like
00:11:00.500 --> 00:11:07.893
the way they looked I was able to go out with
no bra and show my breasts to random people
00:11:07.894 --> 00:11:13.624
On a fun night with friends I wanted to
be noticed I want my brand to be noticed.
00:11:13.625 --> 00:11:19.759
And so that influenced the dressed in a
certain way at certain times to be noticed
00:11:19.760 --> 00:11:23.178
and I got some attention but I also
00:11:23.179 --> 00:11:27.199
got a lot of situations where
I was criticized by women.
00:11:27.200 --> 00:11:30.094
I was a model when I was a teenager.
00:11:30.095 --> 00:11:33.289
And I was chosen for this big show
00:11:33.290 --> 00:11:35.419
absolute models for Boston and it was to
00:11:35.420 --> 00:11:37.834
raise money for the homeless
and it was a very big deal.
00:11:37.835 --> 00:11:40.189
And I was chosen to be the one girl in
00:11:40.190 --> 00:11:44.104
this classic part of the show who
would wear this metallic dress.
00:11:44.105 --> 00:11:50.299
That was a $100 thousand dress made of
silver or something like that. And they
00:11:50.300 --> 00:11:53.734
Show and they put me in the dress
without ever trying it on me.
00:11:53.735 --> 00:11:56.299
And I remember when the dress
came on it just flattened.
00:11:56.300 --> 00:12:02.599
My breasts repressor very pendulous and not
very perky and it just really flatten them.
00:12:02.600 --> 00:12:07.084
And it was very uncomfortable and
I knew they didn\'t look good.
00:12:07.085 --> 00:12:10.249
And they took me out of the dress
for the big show didn\'t even say
00:12:10.250 --> 00:12:13.264
a word to me took me right out
of it and out of that position.
00:12:13.265 --> 00:12:16.744
So heroism that was shattering.
00:12:16.745 --> 00:12:20.929
For sure. Here I was receiving
attention and accolades from
00:12:20.930 --> 00:12:22.968
my looks all the time but as
soon as my breast came into
00:12:22.969 --> 00:12:25.534
the picture it changed the story.
00:12:25.535 --> 00:12:28.789
And they were utterly
in control of my fate.
00:12:28.790 --> 00:12:32.688
I was one of the girls who developed. First
00:12:32.689 --> 00:12:36.544
And fullest and it was hard.
00:12:36.545 --> 00:12:41.119
My family didn\'t have money even though
we acted like we did so I was at
00:12:41.120 --> 00:12:43.998
a private school where I was
already dealing with a lot of
00:12:43.999 --> 00:12:47.374
economic differences a
lot of class problems.
00:12:47.375 --> 00:12:51.658
And then to have moments where I
felt like they like me I realize
00:12:51.659 --> 00:12:56.299
now is because I got boobs
and I\'m different yet again.
00:12:56.300 --> 00:13:00.394
But there\'s something tantalizing
00:13:00.395 --> 00:13:04.128
about my deference that they\'re
willing to overcome that I\'m Other
00:13:04.129 --> 00:13:08.959
I\'m an outsider and I want to be my
friend so they can check it out.
00:13:08.960 --> 00:13:13.050
And in some ways that was probably
that was the tipping point.
00:13:25.450 --> 00:13:29.314
My God a good bra is what it\'s all about.
00:13:29.315 --> 00:13:32.628
The times I have actually gone to a star
00:13:32.629 --> 00:13:36.709
with usually middle aged or
older ladies not women ladies
00:13:36.710 --> 00:13:41.029
lowercase OWL and they measure
and they explain and they
00:13:41.030 --> 00:13:46.500
jiggle and they make sure that I\'m
wearing saw correct size for my body
00:13:46.950 --> 00:13:49.929
It\'s great my shirts fit better.
00:13:49.930 --> 00:13:53.559
They hang differently in my old my old age.
00:13:53.560 --> 00:13:57.609
I just turned 48. But I\'m feeling
older I\'m feeling wiser.
00:13:57.610 --> 00:14:04.839
And and it\'s funny because I began
not to wear a bra at 47 years old.
00:14:04.840 --> 00:14:07.674
I started not wearing bras very often.
00:14:07.675 --> 00:14:13.644
And what I feel from not harnessing
myself every day is just
00:14:13.645 --> 00:14:16.928
ah there\'s a fluidity that happens in
00:14:16.929 --> 00:14:21.114
my movement and in the way I feel
and how I go about the world.
00:14:21.115 --> 00:14:28.319
So there\'s a freedom that we get from
uncovering our breasts. Know about bras
00:14:28.320 --> 00:14:32.478
I wish I didn\'t have to worry when I
don\'t have to wear one but then you have
00:14:32.479 --> 00:14:36.049
the there\'s that line
like that you can cry.
00:14:36.050 --> 00:14:43.654
Some people can say stuff to you can say mean
things to you possibly could be degrading.
00:14:43.655 --> 00:14:45.469
And I don\'t know if I
want to deal with that.
00:14:45.470 --> 00:14:48.378
We follow the rules because that\'s how we
00:14:48.379 --> 00:14:51.499
are raised and the rules around
our breasts are very clear.
00:14:51.500 --> 00:14:55.279
So to think of a whole
neighborhood of women in
00:14:55.280 --> 00:14:57.438
America taken off their shirts to change
00:14:57.439 --> 00:15:00.289
something socially and would
never happen in this culture.
00:15:00.290 --> 00:15:02.820
Our browser way to pretty.
00:15:03.370 --> 00:15:07.518
We have whole catalogs of lingerie
why on earth would we not want to
00:15:07.519 --> 00:15:11.073
show that off Well I think the
consensus of what we have to wear
00:15:11.074 --> 00:15:16.743
Based on how it would look to
someone else high-heeled shoes
00:15:16.744 --> 00:15:19.488
those are terrible for
one\'s feet and ankles
00:15:19.489 --> 00:15:22.639
who who said women should
wear those high-heel shoes.
00:15:22.640 --> 00:15:24.409
Same thing with the breasts.
00:15:24.410 --> 00:15:28.459
Who says you should wear bright you know so
you\'re look better or you\'ll be pushed up.
00:15:28.460 --> 00:15:32.269
But the interesting thing is the materials
that browser made of you know the
00:15:32.270 --> 00:15:37.069
foam foams sometimes it tracks
formaldehyde and other toxins.
00:15:37.070 --> 00:15:39.858
In my little bit of research I don\'t have
00:15:39.859 --> 00:15:43.519
all the conclusive research but I
bet if a little bit of digging that
00:15:43.520 --> 00:15:46.819
the higher incidence of breast
cancer could be related to some of
00:15:46.820 --> 00:15:53.224
the toxic materials used in the bras that
are used to hold up women\'s breasts.
00:15:53.225 --> 00:15:58.729
I think we\'d be a freer culture of women quite
honestly as were restraining ourselves.
00:15:58.730 --> 00:16:02.869
And I think that you know the whole
Women\'s Movement and burning abroad.
00:16:02.870 --> 00:16:05.119
And I think there was a lot
to be said about that.
00:16:05.120 --> 00:16:07.938
It\'s kinda sad because then that\'s probably
00:16:07.939 --> 00:16:11.088
part of the reason that girls or
women don\'t feel as comfortable
00:16:11.089 --> 00:16:13.488
with their breast because they feel
like they have to hide them with
00:16:13.489 --> 00:16:18.543
these bribes narrow padded beg
and they cover the whole thing
00:16:18.544 --> 00:16:23.808
The paradigms that are given to
us and I hope that amongst each
00:16:23.809 --> 00:16:28.954
other at least we can feel
free and safe to expose.
00:16:28.955 --> 00:16:36.955
So I was wearing the scarf this morning
and I actually around my throat.
00:16:37.660 --> 00:16:42.124
Somehow feels that that\'s an area
that needs to be protected at times.
00:16:42.125 --> 00:16:46.594
And then I thought it would be nice to
have a zipper so I can slowly unzip.
00:16:46.595 --> 00:16:53.089
And then under there I decided you
know I knew what I was doing.
00:16:53.090 --> 00:17:01.090
I decided to guess I\'ll I\'ll
take this out to where the bra
00:17:01.399 --> 00:17:05.790
and make that part of
what I wanted to show.
00:17:06.520 --> 00:17:10.549
Because like look what I\'m
what I was saying before
00:17:10.550 --> 00:17:13.834
how did it protects and
and I mean I don\'t know
00:17:13.835 --> 00:17:16.818
if you can see it but when
I\'ll take it off even leaves
00:17:16.819 --> 00:17:20.449
marks on my skin because
it\'s a little bit too tight.
00:17:20.450 --> 00:17:26.629
And you know this is kind of security because
we never really know if my nipples are out.
00:17:26.630 --> 00:17:30.450
So I guess it\'s still a
little bit disconnected.
00:17:30.940 --> 00:17:35.700
Because there are still seeing some more TS
00:17:50.020 --> 00:17:52.848
The first time I\'m really
it\'s like you\'re asking
00:17:52.849 --> 00:17:55.158
the question was the first time
I expose my breast and I\'m
00:17:55.159 --> 00:18:00.679
kinda like John Bill who
who who got it first.
00:18:00.680 --> 00:18:06.604
I would have to say I\'m
definitely in high school
00:18:06.605 --> 00:18:14.605
Did I would certainly it would not be in
the daylight but it would be in a Chevy.
00:18:16.460 --> 00:18:24.460
When I first trivial my breasts and I was
only 14 I pretended I was asleep I didn\'t
00:18:27.320 --> 00:18:33.169
reveal and I let him look and touch
and I loved it but I couldn\'t
00:18:33.170 --> 00:18:40.189
pass a boy or a girl was not allowed
or Catholic or on top of that Yao.
00:18:40.190 --> 00:18:45.154
But I found a way without
being responsible.
00:18:45.155 --> 00:18:48.108
Whenever I would be intimate with someone
00:18:48.109 --> 00:18:54.289
I would always enter the intimacy
aka being naked with sort of you
00:18:54.290 --> 00:18:57.394
know sort of Haiti nervousness
00:18:57.395 --> 00:19:01.114
kind of trying to be sexy but sort of
trying to hide them at the same time.
00:19:01.115 --> 00:19:04.174
It was an interesting dance.
00:19:04.175 --> 00:19:07.698
I can honestly say that I
don\'t even know if I really
00:19:07.699 --> 00:19:12.048
exposed my breasts but there\'s
always the lifting up
00:19:12.049 --> 00:19:15.138
the kinda getting to the
broad and kinda help in
00:19:15.139 --> 00:19:17.209
the mountain maneuver
and it\'s like can he do
00:19:17.210 --> 00:19:19.564
it Guinea and do it it\'s like moist
query for when he can do it.
00:19:19.565 --> 00:19:23.179
And then you know the Brazos
kinda hanging there there\'s no
00:19:23.180 --> 00:19:27.109
lifting the shirt over your head or the
sweater so it\'s up all underneath this stuff.
00:19:27.110 --> 00:19:29.919
So nobody is really looking at
00:19:29.920 --> 00:19:35.209
Yet there at the moment of
00:19:35.370 --> 00:19:43.370
voluntary intimacy in the early years were
actually with girls with a particular.
00:19:44.035 --> 00:19:47.019
She was actually a woman a young
woman a few years older than
00:19:47.020 --> 00:19:49.808
me and it was very different
than it would have been with
00:19:49.809 --> 00:19:53.739
a boy because it wasn\'t the
taboo of the foreign land
00:19:53.740 --> 00:19:58.809
and we both had breasts and hers were
bigger and it made the exploration.
00:19:58.810 --> 00:20:02.214
I think a little more fun.
00:20:02.215 --> 00:20:04.179
Guy wasn\'t charged in the same way.
00:20:04.180 --> 00:20:05.499
It would have been one of the boys.
00:20:05.500 --> 00:20:09.059
One of the first times I had
a boy touched my breast he\'d
00:20:09.060 --> 00:20:12.854
just soon as he got to my
breast he just stopped. Then
00:20:12.855 --> 00:20:17.869
It\'s just awful for me because of course
in my mind who knows what he was thinking.
00:20:17.870 --> 00:20:22.549
But in my mind men I thought he just
he just made just made him stop.
00:20:22.550 --> 00:20:24.484
The whole second base thing.
I didn\'t get it.
00:20:24.485 --> 00:20:27.154
It\'s like okay he\'s got
his hand on my boobs.
00:20:27.155 --> 00:20:33.424
Why it didn\'t feel like anything to
me I had no sensation whatsoever.
00:20:33.425 --> 00:20:41.425
Oh what pleasure Oh isn\'t a pleasure
to have breaths when you make love.
00:20:41.870 --> 00:20:49.804
And you woman who are so multi erotically
centered have many other options.
00:20:49.805 --> 00:20:53.940
But I hope this is one. You won\'t miss
00:20:54.310 --> 00:20:59.659
Oh yes my becoming aware of my breasts.
00:20:59.660 --> 00:21:06.570
As a source of pleasure didn\'t come
tool in my probably in my mid twenties.
00:21:07.750 --> 00:21:10.819
And I was very surprised.
00:21:10.820 --> 00:21:12.949
Okay let\'s talk about nipples.
00:21:12.950 --> 00:21:15.799
My nipples had never
been my erogenous zone.
00:21:15.800 --> 00:21:21.079
So they they it wasn\'t they weren\'t
they weren\'t necessary for play.
00:21:21.080 --> 00:21:23.629
I\'ll never forget this. My friend
told me that she could have
00:21:23.630 --> 00:21:28.158
an orgasm that by having somebody
you know simulator nipples and
00:21:28.159 --> 00:21:36.159
it was like really without the above for me
the blow doesn\'t happen. If you get my drift
00:21:36.730 --> 00:21:44.730
Very obvious that they are the two things
that lead the way my labels are not very
00:21:46.879 --> 00:21:51.574
sensitive which has been
00:21:51.575 --> 00:21:58.339
disappointing and probably why I
don\'t remember the first time.
00:21:58.340 --> 00:22:02.689
Someone touched my breast or maybe
because I was scared to death.
00:22:02.690 --> 00:22:06.829
I was always aware that men.
00:22:06.830 --> 00:22:13.864
The men that I was exploring with wanted to
touch me to touch my breast to arouse them.
00:22:13.865 --> 00:22:19.999
So you know I was trying to hide
that that they weren\'t sensitive
00:22:20.000 --> 00:22:27.184
and trying to sort of act as if they were
nipples absolutely are part of orgasm for me.
00:22:27.185 --> 00:22:29.089
Like bring it on.
00:22:29.090 --> 00:22:32.464
I like to have them stimulated and okay
00:22:32.465 --> 00:22:36.619
let\'s go randomly like I\'ll get colds.
And Austin.
00:22:36.620 --> 00:22:39.799
I feel my nipples like I can
feel them getting so hard.
00:22:39.800 --> 00:22:42.679
They just and it just goes all through me.
00:22:42.680 --> 00:22:44.539
And I can feel it\'s all typically.
00:22:44.540 --> 00:22:46.698
And I\'m like no I\'m very aware of
00:22:46.699 --> 00:22:50.419
my rest that they\'re there and I\'ll touch
them but I\'ll play with my nipples.
00:22:50.420 --> 00:22:52.354
I\'m like it feels kinda guy.
00:22:52.355 --> 00:22:55.399
I was dancing two weeks ago.
00:22:55.400 --> 00:22:59.820
And a young man spoke
poetry to me and my breasts
00:23:02.110 --> 00:23:07.564
And I said I\'m going to have
to tell him I\'m married darn.
00:23:07.565 --> 00:23:14.884
Sometimes I feel that they are an
indirect connection was my Claros.
00:23:14.885 --> 00:23:18.409
Sometimes I feel that they\'re
even more like that.
00:23:18.410 --> 00:23:21.769
It could I could only have I am
not sure if I\'ve experienced that
00:23:21.770 --> 00:23:26.914
but by just being stimulated
through Naples that it\'s orgasmic.
00:23:26.915 --> 00:23:29.989
Well at this particular time because I\'m
00:23:29.990 --> 00:23:33.919
pregnant when my nipples are
touched they\'re pretty sensitive.
00:23:33.920 --> 00:23:37.864
They they burn a little.
00:23:37.865 --> 00:23:41.074
It\'s definitely nothing sexual.
00:23:41.075 --> 00:23:45.078
And I would say that
00:23:45.079 --> 00:23:48.094
It\'s never really been sexual For me.
00:23:48.095 --> 00:23:52.158
I remember many a time when my
nipples were being harassed
00:23:52.159 --> 00:23:56.268
or touched in a in a sexual
way by a partner kinda
00:23:56.269 --> 00:24:00.559
going until they\'ve ever
00:24:00.560 --> 00:24:04.609
done because I felt you know need to
please them they want it they wanna do it.
00:24:04.610 --> 00:24:08.479
Go ahead get it over with please.
00:24:08.480 --> 00:24:13.290
Well my my gardeners say
dim at best kept secret.
00:24:13.660 --> 00:24:20.014
And because he gets to at
times when they\'re in and
00:24:20.015 --> 00:24:26.613
where sexual he gets to play
with them and find swayed to
00:24:26.614 --> 00:24:31.848
Get them out and so I mean he\'s totally
happy with that their relationship I\'m in
00:24:31.849 --> 00:24:33.588
now event together 15 years and
00:24:33.589 --> 00:24:37.504
this the first relationship I\'ve been
in where orgasms were part of it.
00:24:37.505 --> 00:24:40.729
And I suspect it was
probably related to the fact
00:24:40.730 --> 00:24:43.849
that I\'m with someone who is so
into my breasts and my nipples.
00:24:43.850 --> 00:24:50.794
And so having a strong sexual response was a
surprise and having orgasms was a surprise.
00:24:50.795 --> 00:24:58.795
So all of it was a surprise and never occurred
to me that the nipples would my nipples.
00:24:59.840 --> 00:25:02.989
Yes the full-time attached
to would be part of that.
00:25:02.990 --> 00:25:06.289
My husband might be touching me
and my mind is somewhere else.
00:25:06.290 --> 00:25:08.343
I\'m not present
00:25:08.344 --> 00:25:14.479
The actin and he\'ll say for the
weight bad like these connected.
00:25:14.480 --> 00:25:19.533
And I\'ll realize I need
to get in the RAM and
00:25:19.534 --> 00:25:24.109
other times I can feel him wanting
to please me and love me.
00:25:24.110 --> 00:25:26.629
By the way he\'s touching my breast.
00:25:26.630 --> 00:25:30.124
And that will make my nipples are wreck.
00:25:30.125 --> 00:25:32.044
I my breast sensitive.
00:25:32.045 --> 00:25:36.018
It took me until I was 25 to really
00:25:36.019 --> 00:25:41.254
experience what it was like to be
made love to you and me participate.
00:25:41.255 --> 00:25:45.768
That is when I my I would say my nipples
00:25:45.769 --> 00:25:51.843
played a part because my heart pounded
out in my chest through my breath
00:25:51.844 --> 00:25:57.949
and understood that there was something
delicious here and it was love.
00:25:57.950 --> 00:26:01.039
And my body was wet with it.
00:26:01.040 --> 00:26:06.859
My my breast he lived in
a very different way.
00:26:06.860 --> 00:26:13.924
And it was associated with
that place of beauty.
00:26:13.925 --> 00:26:18.574
This is putti is lovemaking was beauty.
00:26:18.575 --> 00:26:19.984
It wasn\'t about sex.
00:26:19.985 --> 00:26:23.404
It was he\'s touching me.
00:26:23.405 --> 00:26:27.120
He\'s kissing me.
00:26:27.280 --> 00:26:30.199
I\'m being loved.
00:26:30.200 --> 00:26:33.688
My nipples my breasts
00:26:33.689 --> 00:26:36.054
Did not feel ashamed.
00:26:36.055 --> 00:26:42.414
I have this one really
amazing and sweet boyfriend.
00:26:42.415 --> 00:26:44.994
And the first time we were intimate.
00:26:44.995 --> 00:26:49.118
He I was doing that funny awkward
dance and I remember he took
00:26:49.119 --> 00:26:53.724
my wrists and he separated my arms
put them back on the bed like that.
00:26:53.725 --> 00:26:57.474
And he looked right in my eyes and
he said your breasts are beautiful.
00:26:57.475 --> 00:27:00.984
Just having someone be positive and
00:27:00.985 --> 00:27:05.738
read my body language and they didn\'t have
to communicate the trauma I\'d had for
00:27:05.739 --> 00:27:10.718
so many years and be able to see
into me and understand when you
00:27:10.719 --> 00:27:13.148
get something and it\'s
physical and emotional and
00:27:13.149 --> 00:27:16.259
spiritual mentally then you\'ve really got
00:27:16.260 --> 00:27:18.979
The whole gestalt and that\'s just the best.
00:27:18.980 --> 00:27:22.848
And it\'s just like five minutes
I\'ve had had an orgasm
00:27:22.849 --> 00:27:27.544
I mean sure that can be and I start
to the day and release my back.
00:27:27.545 --> 00:27:32.959
But that\'s not about my breasts then
that\'s not about the fullness that I feel.
00:27:32.960 --> 00:27:39.094
When I\'ve totally engaged my whole
self were multi-faceted we have
00:27:39.095 --> 00:27:46.174
ovaries we have wounds we have vaginas
we have voiceovers we have chlorous.
00:27:46.175 --> 00:27:48.229
We\'re right side left side.
00:27:48.230 --> 00:27:51.454
We have breath we have nipples.
00:27:51.455 --> 00:27:57.558
So some women will be more inclined
to one part than the other
00:27:57.559 --> 00:28:00.694
And our differences make us strong.
00:28:00.695 --> 00:28:03.299
I want to honor that
00:28:15.760 --> 00:28:18.619
the very things that
bothered me the most about
00:28:18.620 --> 00:28:20.479
my breast had been great for nursing home.
00:28:20.480 --> 00:28:24.319
My nipples are too vague and look how
easy it is for the BMI to see that too
00:28:24.320 --> 00:28:28.939
dark and so BEG without when I\'m not
nursing That\'s a really negative thing.
00:28:28.940 --> 00:28:32.014
But when I am nursing it\'s like
oh it\'s this great design.
00:28:32.015 --> 00:28:36.004
They stick out their easy to
latch onto their easy to find.
00:28:36.005 --> 00:28:39.799
And babies always loved them so
much the pet them and love them and
00:28:39.800 --> 00:28:43.789
That\'s the kinda touch. I love when
you have a baby who\'s nursing on you.
00:28:43.790 --> 00:28:46.429
And they\'re just petting you and looking at
00:28:46.430 --> 00:28:49.218
us and smiling and their
eyes rolling because they\'re
00:28:49.219 --> 00:28:53.058
just getting this wonderful yummy milk and
00:28:53.059 --> 00:28:57.229
they\'re seeing their mom and it\'s
just skin to skin connection.
00:28:57.230 --> 00:28:59.314
That is a sensation I love.
00:28:59.315 --> 00:29:01.338
Initially nursing was like
00:29:01.339 --> 00:29:08.089
our little little ones suck and the
breast not being used to that.
00:29:08.090 --> 00:29:14.119
The thing that also is kind of surprising
with nursing was initially being leaky.
00:29:14.120 --> 00:29:18.078
So having to like if I went into town bring
a few changes are closed because you
00:29:18.079 --> 00:29:22.294
know if the milk let down there
goes the shirt. But ultimately
00:29:22.295 --> 00:29:25.698
I feel really happy that I was able
to do that for my two daughters
00:29:25.699 --> 00:29:30.439
their immune systems are strong of
a wonderful connection to them.
00:29:30.440 --> 00:29:34.219
And I feel like they got
great nourishment from
00:29:34.220 --> 00:29:39.093
a physical bonding as well
as the antibodies and
00:29:39.094 --> 00:29:44.028
all the good vitamins minerals that the
breast milk cans to offer very first time I
00:29:44.029 --> 00:29:50.059
understood my pressed to have another
role was when I was pregnant.
00:29:50.060 --> 00:29:57.934
And I felt my breasts for the first
time because they were more pregnant.
00:29:57.935 --> 00:30:04.563
Then I felt and having
them be pregnant. Felt
00:30:04.564 --> 00:30:11.824
Like I had something to extend and then my
heart made a decision about an abortion.
00:30:11.825 --> 00:30:16.669
Because quite frankly I never
wanted to be a parent to my child.
00:30:16.670 --> 00:30:19.264
The way my parents were parents to me.
00:30:19.265 --> 00:30:26.689
And so I felt them recede
and the sorrow of that.
00:30:26.690 --> 00:30:31.144
But I can honestly say I do not
regret not having children.
00:30:31.145 --> 00:30:39.145
I regret that something inside
me knew something deeper.
00:30:39.920 --> 00:30:44.928
I don\'t think we ever
forget or early experience
00:30:44.929 --> 00:30:52.929
And some babies have a euphoria at their
mother\'s breast other babies have colic.
00:30:52.970 --> 00:30:56.823
And I\'m a psychologist
and I work with adults
00:30:56.824 --> 00:31:00.604
whose character was
affected by the experience.
00:31:00.605 --> 00:31:05.659
And I do absolutely think that a
baby who\'s had that experience
00:31:05.660 --> 00:31:10.639
at their mother\'s breast has that
experience available throughout their life.
00:31:10.640 --> 00:31:16.923
Yes. Well we don\'t talk about the experience
at the breast because our culture wants
00:31:16.924 --> 00:31:20.209
to move away from women\'s
bodies and we\'ve just gone
00:31:20.210 --> 00:31:23.569
through a time and don\'t
forget in the 19 fifties.
00:31:23.570 --> 00:31:27.030
The doctor delivered the baby.
00:31:27.040 --> 00:31:30.514
The woman was the nest the size.
00:31:30.515 --> 00:31:33.739
The baby was taken from her.
00:31:33.740 --> 00:31:37.159
I\'m sorry I guess I I think I got angry.
00:31:37.160 --> 00:31:44.748
All I know is when a culture
decides to disconnect from
00:31:44.749 --> 00:31:48.289
it\'s embodied self they have to
start early and they have to
00:31:48.290 --> 00:31:52.980
start with separating infants
from the mother\'s breast
00:32:08.200 --> 00:32:12.724
A negative relationship was my breast
understand breasts are very powerful.
00:32:12.725 --> 00:32:14.299
They feed us.
00:32:14.300 --> 00:32:18.319
They are the food for our
infants for our babies.
00:32:18.320 --> 00:32:20.329
They\'re the perfect food for them.
00:32:20.330 --> 00:32:21.769
There\'s nothing that they can imitate.
00:32:21.770 --> 00:32:23.899
There is better. Business is huge.
00:32:23.900 --> 00:32:29.014
This is the first thing we depend on
when we come out of the womb to survive.
00:32:29.015 --> 00:32:33.708
And to turn these beautiful tools
00:32:33.709 --> 00:32:38.388
these nurturing and parts of our
bodies into something that is
00:32:38.389 --> 00:32:44.629
improper and anti moral and
should be covered and is
00:32:44.630 --> 00:32:47.478
offensive and please leave
the restaurant or go nurse
00:32:47.479 --> 00:32:50.958
your baby in a bathroom stall.
All this stuff is just
00:32:50.959 --> 00:32:55.459
I saw ridiculous I don\'t
know it just makes me wonder
00:32:55.460 --> 00:32:58.159
what what were we told what
00:32:58.160 --> 00:33:01.384
what happened all of a sudden we
had to cover ourselves as women.
00:33:01.385 --> 00:33:03.739
And what makes it different for men.
00:33:03.740 --> 00:33:10.668
They have breast to why are we so
embarrassed and ashamed and why is it
00:33:10.669 --> 00:33:14.208
always a you know why is it always
speaking for itself I can\'t
00:33:14.209 --> 00:33:18.543
just be that we want to be natural and
00:33:18.544 --> 00:33:23.898
And feel the water when we go
swimming on our breaths and feel
00:33:23.899 --> 00:33:30.964
the air as it coerces feel another
part of our body kinda moving around.
00:33:30.965 --> 00:33:33.078
You know what it would be like
if women can take their tops
00:33:33.079 --> 00:33:35.299
off of the beach it would be like nothing.
00:33:35.300 --> 00:33:40.789
It would be like totally normal
because it\'s just a part of our body.
00:33:40.790 --> 00:33:46.354
My sister and I believe I was my early
twenties and she\'s three years younger.
00:33:46.355 --> 00:33:50.688
We came to America for the first
time on vacation and went to LA
00:33:50.689 --> 00:33:55.309
and we\'re so happy to see the beach
and out of the plane like 120 array.
00:33:55.310 --> 00:34:00.543
So we were ready to go in
the ocean and so we took
00:34:00.544 --> 00:34:06.439
Everything except for our bikini
underwear so to speak and
00:34:06.440 --> 00:34:10.248
tuplets I mean that\'s what we\'re used to in
00:34:10.249 --> 00:34:14.989
Holland and several other places in Europe
where we normally would go on vacation.
00:34:14.990 --> 00:34:19.159
And before we even like could reach
the water there was like a lifeguard
00:34:19.160 --> 00:34:23.449
running after us right away and
and we\'re like what\'s going on.
00:34:23.450 --> 00:34:26.719
And so he we realized that we were
00:34:26.720 --> 00:34:30.528
visiting and we were from Europe
and but he was he took us back
00:34:30.529 --> 00:34:35.778
to our parents because my parents are
supportive of that as well and explain to
00:34:35.779 --> 00:34:38.014
them you know it\'s it\'s really I
00:34:38.015 --> 00:34:41.464
mean I could have arrested them
I could have find them ie.
00:34:41.465 --> 00:34:46.908
This is a big deal and so can you please
tell your daughters to put on their tops
00:34:46.909 --> 00:34:54.739
and I mean I realize like wow did this feeling
of that you have done something wrong.
00:34:54.740 --> 00:34:56.794
I almost feel like we evolved.
00:34:56.795 --> 00:35:00.949
We devolved that at some point we are
00:35:00.950 --> 00:35:05.719
very accepting of women sometimes
covering up for various reasons
00:35:05.720 --> 00:35:08.958
and sometimes taking off
and then shifted and band
00:35:08.959 --> 00:35:14.779
a blame women for being provocative for asking
for something just by exposing themselves.
00:35:14.780 --> 00:35:22.780
This culture seems to have lost some
maturity or ability to maintain control
00:35:23.599 --> 00:35:30.919
the responsibility of maintaining control for
themselves and and put it on a woman and
00:35:30.920 --> 00:35:34.519
say if you\'re if you\'re gonna
do that you\'re causing me to
00:35:34.520 --> 00:35:38.374
act and appropriately
and that makes me mad.
00:35:38.375 --> 00:35:41.433
What is the culture for people who
want to control people I mean
00:35:41.434 --> 00:35:44.509
I think at this point in
time I kinda look and go.
00:35:44.510 --> 00:35:47.749
Oh my gosh you know these
people really have power
00:35:47.750 --> 00:35:51.919
And they can put heavy fines that
can make things uncomfortable.
00:35:51.920 --> 00:35:57.229
They kinda control where money is spent
and where things are are allocated.
00:35:57.230 --> 00:36:00.754
You\'re only exposed when it\'s
supposed to turn somebody on.
00:36:00.755 --> 00:36:06.649
That\'s it that\'s all they\'re used for
is to turn people on and to control us.
00:36:06.650 --> 00:36:10.324
And the way we feel about them and to control
men in the way they feel about them.
00:36:10.325 --> 00:36:17.884
These things these funny globular things
that they do have such power is obvious.
00:36:17.885 --> 00:36:23.659
I would like to live in a culture
where it\'s okay for me to be topless
00:36:23.660 --> 00:36:30.269
and not worry about what it
might mean to someone else
00:36:46.720 --> 00:36:50.208
If you showed a certain amount of body you
00:36:50.209 --> 00:36:53.074
are considered a very naughty
girl or downright a whore.
00:36:53.075 --> 00:36:56.524
So I mean we\'re talking in the fifties
in the sixties and growing up
00:36:56.525 --> 00:37:01.129
where your skirts had to be a certain length
your buttons had to come up a certain way.
00:37:01.130 --> 00:37:06.364
And I didn\'t have a lot of
body image to even SaaS width.
00:37:06.365 --> 00:37:08.239
I have really aren\'t in a postcard.
00:37:08.240 --> 00:37:12.288
I hardly ever see them soft and people have
00:37:12.289 --> 00:37:14.958
Told me they\'re a little put off about it
00:37:14.959 --> 00:37:17.824
but other friends are like
why it\'s great it\'s fine.
00:37:17.825 --> 00:37:19.698
But if I\'m walking down the street or in
00:37:19.699 --> 00:37:22.819
a store and you know I\'m
just there I\'ll hide Lehman.
00:37:22.820 --> 00:37:26.748
They\'re looking at them and there
have been times where I\'ve
00:37:26.749 --> 00:37:30.409
covered you know my nipples
up because a mug is
00:37:30.410 --> 00:37:35.299
this gross is this bad is this trashy the
large breasts were getting me yell dad
00:37:35.300 --> 00:37:40.309
and whistled and all that stuff on
the street and I wanted it to stop.
00:37:40.310 --> 00:37:44.824
So not having breast or having small lots.
I love small.
00:37:44.825 --> 00:37:49.098
To me was a way to be powerful and
it wasn\'t that I didn\'t want to be
00:37:49.099 --> 00:37:54.739
a girl Claiborne raised to like being a
girl but I didn\'t want those damn curves
00:37:54.740 --> 00:37:57.169
that was problematic.
00:37:57.170 --> 00:38:02.149
So I tried to change my body
through controlling it.
00:38:02.150 --> 00:38:07.414
And there\'s this idea that anorexia is
about denying majority or womanhood.
00:38:07.415 --> 00:38:10.774
No I wanted power to be safe.
00:38:10.775 --> 00:38:13.999
And I saw this as a means to do that.
00:38:14.000 --> 00:38:19.579
And always felt strange to me when
people said oh is about denying women.
00:38:19.580 --> 00:38:23.839
Like hey was something
totally different for me.
00:38:23.840 --> 00:38:30.408
It\'s religion really is the
story of Adam and Eve and Eve
00:38:30.409 --> 00:38:33.379
dropped the ball that we could
have gone up for all of
00:38:33.380 --> 00:38:36.888
eternity in our natural cloudless state
00:38:36.889 --> 00:38:40.894
and not have anything to
be wrong but if was bad.
00:38:40.895 --> 00:38:45.829
And therefore I think anything
that calls attention to what is
00:38:45.830 --> 00:38:52.279
uniquely family and about our bodies and
probably also about our way of being is bad.
00:38:52.280 --> 00:38:57.348
I think I had multiple seeds of
confusion planted as a little kid about
00:38:57.349 --> 00:39:03.364
my body because we were a feminist
intelligent educated household.
00:39:03.365 --> 00:39:08.314
I was raised that my body
is a good day verbally.
00:39:08.315 --> 00:39:12.739
But there was sexual abuse
in my life as a kid.
00:39:12.740 --> 00:39:16.369
So while there is a verbal message
of your body is a good thing.
00:39:16.370 --> 00:39:17.674
Love your body.
00:39:17.675 --> 00:39:22.698
Cif Ms. Magazine says love your
body and I had those examples but
00:39:22.699 --> 00:39:27.784
my body was also a place of pain
and confusion from sexual abuse.
00:39:27.785 --> 00:39:30.859
So there\'s always been this this battle of
00:39:30.860 --> 00:39:34.804
what I\'m tot isn\'t always
what is socially taught
00:39:34.805 --> 00:39:39.439
We are down the beach and the
car making out and it was
00:39:39.440 --> 00:39:43.684
like one of those great sexual
moments and it\'s oral sex.
00:39:43.685 --> 00:39:47.790
And often there\'s a knockoff
window and it\'s a policeman.
00:39:49.120 --> 00:39:53.449
And you fumble and you tumble and scary.
00:39:53.450 --> 00:39:57.394
And this that and the policeman is
like my heart speeding right now.
00:39:57.395 --> 00:39:59.959
The policeman said Get dressed.
00:39:59.960 --> 00:40:04.339
And so I\'ve pulled up my pants
that I\'ve taught was on and
00:40:04.340 --> 00:40:08.599
kinda over one side steamy
windows the whole shebang.
00:40:08.600 --> 00:40:15.409
And he said contrast we\'re
taking you home drive her home.
00:40:15.410 --> 00:40:17.029
And I can honestly
00:40:17.030 --> 00:40:19.998
and say that it was the
first time I went in
00:40:19.999 --> 00:40:24.978
saying that I was in that car and
Bill when to start the car and I
00:40:24.979 --> 00:40:28.669
went insane screamed yelled kit
00:40:28.670 --> 00:40:30.829
frantic to the point where
00:40:30.830 --> 00:40:34.309
the policemen came over because I was beating
up on him that you will not take me home.
00:40:34.310 --> 00:40:37.459
You will not take me to my father
because my father would have killed me.
00:40:37.460 --> 00:40:39.649
I mean we got beaten.
00:40:39.650 --> 00:40:42.108
And if I came home with a policeman for
00:40:42.109 --> 00:40:44.929
sexual exposure at the beach
where everybody went to
00:40:44.930 --> 00:40:50.584
make out I can\'t imagine what
would have happened to me.
00:40:50.585 --> 00:40:58.230
Regardless this policeman because he
came he sat down next to me a gun.
00:40:58.360 --> 00:41:01.099
And I just said you can\'t take me home.
00:41:01.100 --> 00:41:04.129
You cannot take me to the house.
00:41:04.130 --> 00:41:11.430
And I think he saw something in me
that I didn\'t know happened to me.
00:41:11.740 --> 00:41:15.499
And I think he understood
what I would have to go
00:41:15.500 --> 00:41:18.618
through for him to be a
good policeman was to
00:41:18.619 --> 00:41:26.010
talk to me in that moment rather than
be take this girl to the gallows.
00:41:27.160 --> 00:41:35.160
And so interestingly enough
I\'m stuffing everything.
00:41:35.855 --> 00:41:41.418
My sexuality just turned off it was. It was
00:41:41.419 --> 00:41:47.073
Be quiet was timed to be
I think safe with myself
00:41:47.074 --> 00:41:53.299
and know that it didn\'t matter what I was
feeling that I wasn\'t telling myself feel it.
00:41:53.300 --> 00:42:01.300
Because the consequences were far too
dangerous truly far too dangerous.
00:42:01.700 --> 00:42:09.604
With sexualized in this culture the body in
these very cut up literally strange ways.
00:42:09.605 --> 00:42:13.099
And so here are all these women running
around with their breast covered up and
00:42:13.100 --> 00:42:16.519
smush so they\'re not going to be really
sensitive because they\'re all smushed.
00:42:16.520 --> 00:42:19.339
And then we cut off the
forest skin of our man.
00:42:19.340 --> 00:42:24.600
So there so over sensitized
that they aren\'t sensitive.
00:42:25.560 --> 00:42:29.273
We\'re covering up what should
be left out in the open and
00:42:29.274 --> 00:42:33.414
uncovering with man what should be covered
00:42:33.415 --> 00:42:41.415
and that\'s where I go when I think about
them neurological with breasts and bras.
00:42:41.440 --> 00:42:47.649
And if we\'ve got them always suppressed and
cooked in and what\'s that doing to us.
00:42:47.650 --> 00:42:50.003
And and I\'m thinking the whole cultural
00:42:50.004 --> 00:42:52.329
again because I think it\'s
interesting I went right to
00:42:52.330 --> 00:42:59.030
circumcision and how we
separate and do whatever is.
00:42:59.040 --> 00:43:03.529
The fastest way to shut down that energy
00:43:15.810 --> 00:43:19.134
Breast cancer is man-made.
00:43:19.135 --> 00:43:23.589
Procedure is man-made it\'s
foreign things entering
00:43:23.590 --> 00:43:28.719
our body but we took thousands
of years to evolve.
00:43:28.720 --> 00:43:34.689
How do you think about an organic
being doesn\'t evolve that you want to
00:43:34.690 --> 00:43:41.750
throw all kinds of foreign objects
into a slowly evolving system.
00:43:42.300 --> 00:43:45.729
It\'s killing a great number of us.
00:43:45.730 --> 00:43:48.894
But even that doesn\'t stop us.
00:43:48.895 --> 00:43:51.584
So how amazing we are
00:43:51.585 --> 00:43:57.799
that we can poison ourselves and
our children and not be stopped.
00:43:57.800 --> 00:44:00.724
It\'s quite something to be human.
00:44:00.725 --> 00:44:04.789
I had a nurse practitioner who was very
00:44:04.790 --> 00:44:12.064
soft very much a Buddhist and her medical
practice was part of her spiritual practice.
00:44:12.065 --> 00:44:13.938
And when she would talk
to me about it and would
00:44:13.939 --> 00:44:15.769
actually say things like
are you checking for
00:44:15.770 --> 00:44:22.249
lumps or engage with me
it made me want to do it.
00:44:22.250 --> 00:44:28.354
Now still fighting with having a
body so it was hard to remember.
00:44:28.355 --> 00:44:32.850
But it put it on my horizon
in a different way.
00:44:33.010 --> 00:44:37.398
Somewhat feel a little bit doomed
to get breast cancer had a
00:44:37.399 --> 00:44:41.464
few of my cousins and and die.
00:44:41.465 --> 00:44:43.804
So I have a ton of fear about it.
00:44:43.805 --> 00:44:45.109
It\'s pretty huge for me.
00:44:45.110 --> 00:44:47.104
I think about it a little too much.
00:44:47.105 --> 00:44:50.449
Oh I was afraid.
00:44:50.450 --> 00:44:53.448
Not only was I afraid of
breast cancer because of
00:44:53.449 --> 00:44:57.874
my my grandmother having it I
felt powerless to stop it.
00:44:57.875 --> 00:45:03.469
I almost felt like I was on a path that was
gonna happen and I instead of checking
00:45:03.470 --> 00:45:09.454
to make sure I was staying healthy it
felt like checking to find the problem.
00:45:09.455 --> 00:45:12.289
People don\'t talk about having to heal from
00:45:12.290 --> 00:45:15.859
the treatment and that troubles
me I\'m very worried for women.
00:45:15.860 --> 00:45:18.529
But there again I\'m getting subjective.
00:45:18.530 --> 00:45:20.449
Obviously women go on.
00:45:20.450 --> 00:45:22.669
I don\'t know I needed to heal.
00:45:22.670 --> 00:45:26.659
And so I could listen to my inner
voice like when I was in chemo
00:45:26.660 --> 00:45:31.939
my body told me I was in danger
that the poison was too strong.
00:45:31.940 --> 00:45:36.123
And I felt frightened and I stood in
the middle of the room and I asked
00:45:36.124 --> 00:45:41.059
Well what can I do and
it said go to the river.
00:45:41.060 --> 00:45:47.388
And I got in my car and I drove to the
food bank farm and there\'s a gentle river
00:45:47.389 --> 00:45:54.510
behind and I stripped my clothes and
I lay in that stream for two hours.
00:45:55.000 --> 00:46:01.879
And when I came out I had no experience
of being in camo whatsoever.
00:46:01.880 --> 00:46:09.880
I was fully natural and embodied and
alive for awhile till my next camo.
00:46:09.890 --> 00:46:15.958
They move in the direction of our predominant
thoughts and I almost felt like I was on
00:46:15.959 --> 00:46:22.969
a wild train ride of negative
unhealthy God\'s uncompressed.
00:46:22.970 --> 00:46:29.659
It\'s just being in the conversation.
00:46:29.660 --> 00:46:32.988
What what question do you
have about your breast
00:46:32.989 --> 00:46:37.428
completely changed stop that
train and turned it around
00:46:37.429 --> 00:46:42.799
I\'m now having conversations with
my bras about how I want them to be
00:46:42.800 --> 00:46:44.958
healthy and with me for the rest of
00:46:44.959 --> 00:46:49.774
my life and that I\'m going
to take better care of them.
00:46:49.775 --> 00:46:57.775
But also that that term that
we\'re going to be fine.
00:46:59.810 --> 00:47:05.099
And we are not going to be sick
00:47:18.940 --> 00:47:22.849
Yesterday I was doing a workshop
and one of the students was
00:47:22.850 --> 00:47:27.064
saying I wish I had the balls to
do with that but I said balls.
00:47:27.065 --> 00:47:33.244
How do you got what you want to
polish on me wanna stand them love.
00:47:33.245 --> 00:47:35.299
You want to bring them
out you want to stand
00:47:35.300 --> 00:47:38.239
there and be proud that
you don\'t need balls.
00:47:38.240 --> 00:47:41.359
You you don\'t need them.
00:47:41.360 --> 00:47:43.204
You have breasts.
00:47:43.205 --> 00:47:50.448
You have power you have identity and stand
and be awake with the fact that these
00:47:50.449 --> 00:47:58.204
have power and that power it can
stop anybody in their tracks.
00:47:58.205 --> 00:48:02.208
I think even through ancient
history I mean the way in which
00:48:02.209 --> 00:48:05.613
Are portrayed in the images
that we see through time
00:48:05.614 --> 00:48:09.468
Ancient Egypt and Africa women
are walking with their breasts
00:48:09.469 --> 00:48:14.064
exposed there standing
there queens and Pharaohs.
00:48:14.065 --> 00:48:17.269
And and the breast are
prominent in these images.
00:48:17.270 --> 00:48:19.294
I\'ve never thought about this before.
00:48:19.295 --> 00:48:23.970
But in this moment I can see
the power of the breast.
00:48:24.580 --> 00:48:30.604
It. I keep meeting women who knock me out.
00:48:30.605 --> 00:48:35.389
Ordinary women like
myself who can listen to
00:48:35.390 --> 00:48:40.534
and the wisdom that\'s in their
body and heal themselves.
00:48:40.535 --> 00:48:47.614
I think that after many years of really ignoring
them not thinking very much about them.
00:48:47.615 --> 00:48:52.368
I think now I\'m much more
conscious of them and I I tend
00:48:52.369 --> 00:48:57.934
to hold them and massage them
and work to keep them healthy.
00:48:57.935 --> 00:49:01.924
I have I have breast consciousness
now where there once was none.
00:49:01.925 --> 00:49:07.849
And after years of hating my body
I\'ve begun to love myself as I am.
00:49:07.850 --> 00:49:11.464
And I think maybe that\'s all tied into
how I\'m feeling about my breast Now.
00:49:11.465 --> 00:49:17.133
My relationship with my breaths right now
is a little foreign a little surprising
00:49:17.134 --> 00:49:23.554
And actually intriguing because I\'m in men
applause and all of a sudden I\'ve got breast.
00:49:23.555 --> 00:49:27.783
Keep no it\'s like where did these come from
00:49:27.784 --> 00:49:31.864
N2 all of a sudden go like this it what
the heck them by touching and it\'s me.
00:49:31.865 --> 00:49:35.584
And so I\'m aware of them
in a very different way.
00:49:35.585 --> 00:49:40.680
And I\'d have to say they\'re almost
aware of me in a different way.
00:49:51.040 --> 00:49:59.040
I remember this so beautifully seeing an
elderly woman walk naked with dignity
00:49:59.894 --> 00:50:06.200
And her body was well arc
00:50:06.450 --> 00:50:11.724
was well r. And she was
comfortable in her body.
00:50:11.725 --> 00:50:13.793
And I think it\'s the first
time I actually saw
00:50:13.794 --> 00:50:16.659
a woman in her body that
I would like to say.
00:50:16.660 --> 00:50:19.524
That would be some way
I would like to walk.
00:50:19.525 --> 00:50:22.809
I can see in my family choices that
00:50:22.810 --> 00:50:27.684
my great grandmother made that
have influenced my life today.
00:50:27.685 --> 00:50:30.354
And I am deeply grateful for it.
00:50:30.355 --> 00:50:35.499
And I would like to be able to pass on
to my to my daughter loving your body.
00:50:35.500 --> 00:50:38.154
And I\'d be happy with not hating your body.
00:50:38.155 --> 00:50:40.059
That would be really good.
00:50:40.060 --> 00:50:41.879
Then the front of our body
00:50:41.880 --> 00:50:49.219
Their courage there are cache
which so lucky as women to
00:50:49.220 --> 00:50:56.749
have them from a woman is taught
to touch her breasts with love.
00:50:56.750 --> 00:51:00.000
And with the energy of life.
00:51:03.100 --> 00:51:09.499
Who knows what would happen
I can honestly say to you.
00:51:09.500 --> 00:51:14.989
This may be the first time in my life my
breasts and I are befriending each other.
00:51:14.990 --> 00:51:22.009
And if I die and we did
something really great.
00:51:22.010 --> 00:51:24.229
I\'m a Whole Woman
00:51:24.230 --> 00:51:29.254
As I sit here with here I believe that
00:51:29.255 --> 00:51:35.520
women have a great part in
what\'s ahead in our history.
00:51:35.560 --> 00:51:41.269
What\'s ahead for the future of the planet
I believe that women have a great part.
00:51:41.270 --> 00:51:46.289
So perhaps this breast consciousness
00:51:46.360 --> 00:51:52.129
is not only timely but needed.
00:51:52.130 --> 00:51:56.370
And we\'re ready for it.
00:52:18.580 --> 00:52:20.880
Got
00:52:37.240 --> 00:52:39.509
that
00:52:48.070 --> 00:52:50.370
my
00:53:20.920 --> 00:53:22.188
Name
00:53:22.189 --> 00:53:24.900
is John.
00:54:02.050 --> 00:54:04.440
Yes.
00:54:12.550 --> 00:54:14.999
Okay
Distributor: First Run Features
Length: 57 minutes
Date: 2018
Genre: Expository
Language: English
Closed Captioning: Available
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