Disenchanted and skeptical about the world, a retired professor shut into…
Woody and Woody
- Description
- Reviews
- Citation
- Cataloging
- Transcript
View on the Pragda STREAM site
One night in New York, a young Woody Allen meets an old Woody Allen having a drink in a bar. Briefly amazed by this impossible situation, they immediately begin to talk about love, sex, religion, and death.
Citation
Main credits
Carrió, Jaume (film director)
Carrió, Jaume (film producer)
Gost, Laura (screenwriter)
Juaneda, Guiem (actor)
Pascual, Joan Maria (actor)
Pera, Joan (actor)
Other credits
Animation, Adri Bonsai; cinematography, Edu Biurrun; editing, Adri Bonsai, Jaume Carrió; music, Miquel Àngel Aguiló.
Distributor subjects
Short Films; Cinema StudiesKeywords
00:02:02.792 --> 00:02:03.875
Hi!
00:02:04.875 --> 00:02:06.333
Hi!
00:02:06.750 --> 00:02:08.792
Wow! You don’t look good, really.
00:02:08.792 --> 00:02:10.708
How old are you? Ninety-three?
00:02:11.292 --> 00:02:15.042
Eighty! And don’t complain,
at least I’m not bald.
00:02:15.708 --> 00:02:17.542
Well, not completely, yet...
00:02:18.000 --> 00:02:19.833
So, what are you drinking? Rum?
00:02:20.792 --> 00:02:23.083
Yes, rum! Of course it’s rum!
00:02:23.625 --> 00:02:26.167
What could it be,
anyway? Apple juice?
00:02:26.167 --> 00:02:27.375
Is it apple juice?!
00:02:29.000 --> 00:02:29.792
Yes...
00:02:31.500 --> 00:02:33.583
Oh, God! I knew it! What is it about?
00:02:34.167 --> 00:02:36.333
Is it colon? Liver? Or kidneys?
00:02:36.333 --> 00:02:37.833
Beginning of cirrhosis?
00:02:38.083 --> 00:02:39.750
Shit, cirrhosis hurts, doesn’t it?
00:02:40.292 --> 00:02:42.792
Why do you drink apple juice?
How much long have you got?
00:02:42.792 --> 00:02:45.292
A year? A month?
Will I have to pay the bill?!
00:02:45.542 --> 00:02:47.708
It was a joke, ok?
It was just a joke!
00:02:48.625 --> 00:02:49.625
Waiter!
00:02:50.333 --> 00:02:52.583
Serve him a glass of my rum, please.
00:03:01.125 --> 00:03:03.292
Do you want me to die of
a heart attack or what?
00:03:03.542 --> 00:03:05.417
Do you prefer cirrhosis, then?
00:03:05.708 --> 00:03:07.583
I’m afraid of death,
you know that.
00:03:07.583 --> 00:03:10.042
I think I’m gonna die of fear
when I feel I’m gonna die.
00:03:10.042 --> 00:03:12.042
Is it really totally true
that we all must die?
00:03:12.208 --> 00:03:14.417
Statistics seem to prove it.
00:03:14.417 --> 00:03:16.875
But who can trust statistics?
00:03:16.875 --> 00:03:20.333
Statistic is the science according
to if your neighbour has two cars
00:03:20.333 --> 00:03:23.375
...and I have none,
we both have one.
00:03:23.375 --> 00:03:25.958
-Bernard Shaw said it!
-I don’t have a car!
00:03:25.958 --> 00:03:27.583
No, of course you don’t!
00:03:27.958 --> 00:03:31.583
My neigbour, Mr. Smith,
died a week ago...
00:03:31.667 --> 00:03:33.750
-And how many cars did he have?
-I don't know.
00:03:34.292 --> 00:03:36.625
He had two lovers and a wife...
00:03:36.625 --> 00:03:39.250
...and he was so unlucky
as to die in bed.
00:03:39.583 --> 00:03:41.875
Having sex, it seems.
00:03:41.875 --> 00:03:44.500
What bad luck! Was he
caught with both lovers?
00:03:44.500 --> 00:03:47.125
-No, no, with the wife!
-What bad luck!
00:03:47.250 --> 00:03:48.500
Was the cause a heart attack?
00:03:49.083 --> 00:03:50.917
It seems he got his neck broken.
00:03:51.375 --> 00:03:55.500
His wife had been reading
a book from the public library.
00:03:56.000 --> 00:03:59.750
“Don’t let the passion die between us”,
or something like that.
00:04:00.000 --> 00:04:01.917
At least I noticed that
when he was...
00:04:01.917 --> 00:04:04.458
...carried away,
covered with a cloth...
00:04:05.250 --> 00:04:09.750
...he didn’t have a visible
tent over his lower parts.
00:04:09.750 --> 00:04:13.292
Imagine it! For a catholic, the
expectancy of an eternal life...
00:04:13.292 --> 00:04:16.708
...with ‘that’ thing down there
it must be ugly, really ugly.
00:04:16.708 --> 00:04:18.500
It must be terrible!
00:04:18.500 --> 00:04:22.250
With that rigid erection
pointing at God...
00:04:22.250 --> 00:04:25.000
...his Son and the Holy Spirit!
00:04:25.500 --> 00:04:27.292
I don’t want to die or become old.
00:04:27.958 --> 00:04:30.458
I don’t like what I see when
I look at you, you know?
00:04:30.458 --> 00:04:33.083
Don’t be offended! I’ve just
always wondered if my...
00:04:33.083 --> 00:04:36.875
...growing old process would be like
a reversing of Freud’s libido phases.
00:04:37.625 --> 00:04:39.292
Why did I have to read Freud?!
00:04:39.292 --> 00:04:41.583
Why should I, if there was
a Yankees’ match on TV?
00:04:41.583 --> 00:04:43.708
I guess I wanted to
understand what the hell...
00:04:43.708 --> 00:04:46.292
...was this ‘death impulse’
in order to avoid it.
00:04:47.250 --> 00:04:50.625
And in which of Freud’s
libido phases would I be?
00:04:54.458 --> 00:04:56.125
-In…
-Yes?
00:04:57.917 --> 00:05:00.042
-...the anal phase.
-The anal phase!
00:05:01.333 --> 00:05:04.125
It sounds terrible!
It doesn’t sound good at all!
00:05:04.125 --> 00:05:07.417
It doesn’t sound like something you
would tell your wife, for instance.
00:05:08.250 --> 00:05:09.708
Which was the anal phase?
00:05:10.500 --> 00:05:12.792
It’s the phase in which
a child feels pleasure...
00:05:12.792 --> 00:05:15.500
...when it learns to control
its own… sphincters.
00:05:15.500 --> 00:05:17.375
And which phase are you in?
00:05:18.500 --> 00:05:22.208
I’m in a permanent
frustrated genital phase.
00:05:23.833 --> 00:05:24.667
Too bad.
00:05:26.625 --> 00:05:29.792
Hey! Do you still go to
the same psychoanalyst?
00:05:30.167 --> 00:05:31.667
No. I changed.
00:05:31.667 --> 00:05:33.542
I now go to Dr. Norman.
00:05:33.542 --> 00:05:37.042
Jewish, beautiful and
wonderfully stupid.
00:05:37.583 --> 00:05:40.583
She wanted to be a hands model
until she squashed a finger.
00:05:40.583 --> 00:05:43.083
Then she began studying Psychology.
00:05:43.083 --> 00:05:45.000
-I think I love her.
-What?!
00:05:45.000 --> 00:05:46.250
Did you leave Harry?!
00:05:46.458 --> 00:05:48.042
I repent, ok?
00:05:48.042 --> 00:05:51.917
Why can’t I be a catholic?
I love to sin and then repent.
00:05:51.917 --> 00:05:54.542
I love wine, bread, Maria Magdalena!
00:05:54.917 --> 00:05:57.958
But I can’t bear the idea of
introducing my hands into...
00:05:57.958 --> 00:06:01.625
...those holy water containers
at the entrance of churches.
00:06:02.000 --> 00:06:04.458
Have you ever wondered how
many germs must be there?
00:06:04.458 --> 00:06:06.875
Have you ever been
in a church restroom?
00:06:06.875 --> 00:06:08.333
-No.
-Me neither.
00:06:08.333 --> 00:06:11.667
So we have to suppose that
people must go outside...
00:06:11.667 --> 00:06:13.833
...when they have extreme
bodily functions.
00:06:13.833 --> 00:06:17.167
They go to a corner. Under
a tree. No soap, no water.
00:06:17.167 --> 00:06:18.750
So what do they do
when they have finished?
00:06:18.750 --> 00:06:20.917
They enter the church again!
00:06:20.917 --> 00:06:23.375
And where’s the water?!
00:06:25.833 --> 00:06:27.833
Do you know things
won’t be any better in…
00:06:27.833 --> 00:06:29.750
How old are you by now?
00:06:29.750 --> 00:06:30.875
Fourty-five.
00:06:31.292 --> 00:06:34.625
Well, in thirty-five years time
things won’t be any better...
00:06:34.625 --> 00:06:36.917
...than they’re are in your time.
00:06:37.500 --> 00:06:40.292
Everything changes for worse.
And you don’t hook up as often!
00:06:40.292 --> 00:06:42.917
I thought filmmakers used to hook up.
00:06:43.333 --> 00:06:45.292
Exactly! ‘They-used-to’.
00:06:45.292 --> 00:06:49.208
In the past. And in the third person.
Always in the third person...
00:06:49.208 --> 00:06:51.708
Anyway, you won’t
complain about Diane...
00:06:53.083 --> 00:06:55.625
I could never complain about Diane.
00:06:55.625 --> 00:06:59.833
I could never do anything
but fall in love with Diane.
00:07:00.458 --> 00:07:03.375
Up until now, have you
been in love many times?
00:07:04.333 --> 00:07:07.333
Groucho said that the trouble
with love is that many people...
00:07:07.333 --> 00:07:11.000
...confuse it with gastritis, and when
they recover from the ailment...
00:07:11.000 --> 00:07:13.417
...they find out they're already married.
00:07:13.917 --> 00:07:17.125
You know I’m an hypochondriac,
so in my case it’s just the opposite.
00:07:17.125 --> 00:07:20.125
I go to the doctor convinced
I have gastritis and it turns out...
00:07:20.125 --> 00:07:22.167
...I don’t have one.
00:07:27.792 --> 00:07:28.833
Listen.
00:07:28.833 --> 00:07:31.083
What’s really going on here?
00:07:31.083 --> 00:07:34.250
Is this a dream? Or a joke?
00:07:34.875 --> 00:07:36.875
Would you meet me in a dream?
00:07:36.875 --> 00:07:39.375
I mean, another me of my age?
00:07:40.625 --> 00:07:43.167
-No.
-Me neither!
00:07:43.875 --> 00:07:46.333
Then definitely this is not a dream.
00:07:46.333 --> 00:07:48.000
It’s definitely a joke.
00:07:48.250 --> 00:07:50.208
-One of bad taste.
-Of very bad taste.
00:07:51.667 --> 00:07:53.458
Let’s don’t overstep things, right?
00:07:55.042 --> 00:07:58.792
Well, it’s not so terrible
for us to meet here.
00:07:58.792 --> 00:08:01.833
We get on well together, don’t we?
00:08:01.833 --> 00:08:06.375
Wasn’t it us that said masturbation
is sex with someone you love?
00:08:06.958 --> 00:08:08.333
Yes, I love myself.
00:08:08.958 --> 00:08:12.667
Well, maybe not that much,
but I do get on well with myself.
00:08:12.667 --> 00:08:15.250
In fact, I believe I’m the
only person that maybe...
00:08:15.250 --> 00:08:16.875
...I would get married with.
00:08:17.000 --> 00:08:17.958
Oh yeah?
00:08:18.500 --> 00:08:20.625
But of course after marriage...
00:08:20.625 --> 00:08:23.250
...I would start hating
myself, despising myself.
00:08:23.250 --> 00:08:25.375
That always happens after marriage.
00:08:26.208 --> 00:08:29.792
And then, despising myself, I would
have to find somebody to love ...
00:08:29.792 --> 00:08:33.625
... until I despise her for loving
such a despising person as me.
00:08:33.625 --> 00:08:38.625
And I would start wondering if she
isn’t more despising than me actually.
00:08:39.042 --> 00:08:44.708
And comparatively I would start
valuing and loving myself again.
00:08:45.083 --> 00:08:46.292
More than her?
00:08:46.750 --> 00:08:48.542
Of course more than her!
00:08:48.542 --> 00:08:51.583
And finally I would get on
well again with myself...
00:08:51.583 --> 00:08:54.625
...and I would start thinking
again that I’m the only person...
00:08:54.625 --> 00:08:57.750
...with whom I would get
married, although I won’t...
00:08:57.750 --> 00:09:00.792
...because It makes me lazy
and divorces are expensive.
00:09:01.167 --> 00:09:03.375
And after all what’s marriage?
00:09:03.375 --> 00:09:07.083
A paper? Papers get
wet, broken, burnt.
00:09:07.500 --> 00:09:09.542
Mortgages and children don’t.
00:09:09.542 --> 00:09:11.583
Mortgages and children join couples!
00:09:11.583 --> 00:09:14.708
They even join couples who
are close to breaking up.
00:09:14.708 --> 00:09:17.833
They specially join couples
who are close to breaking up.
00:09:17.833 --> 00:09:19.750
Yes! Specially!
00:09:21.875 --> 00:09:26.042
Listen! Have you ever wondered
if worldwide overpopulation...
00:09:26.042 --> 00:09:29.625
...and the real state bubble
might be the result of lots of...
00:09:29.625 --> 00:09:31.458
...non-achieved breakups?
00:09:31.458 --> 00:09:32.833
Of course!
00:09:32.833 --> 00:09:34.625
People who need
an inflection point...
00:09:34.625 --> 00:09:37.375
...to forget they despise each other
and who guarantee their union...
00:09:37.375 --> 00:09:40.125
...reproducing themselves
and acquiring properties.
00:09:40.667 --> 00:09:43.083
And do you believe that
I, you… that we are...
00:09:43.083 --> 00:09:46.708
...the result of searching
a point of inflection?
00:09:46.708 --> 00:09:50.083
We were the result of a flection.
And that’s getting to the point.
00:09:53.250 --> 00:09:55.292
What are you doing?
Are you leaving?
00:09:55.292 --> 00:09:56.875
-Yes, I am.
-Where?
00:09:56.875 --> 00:09:59.708
-Outside. Out of this bar.
-Well, me too.
00:09:59.708 --> 00:10:01.792
-Oh, yeah?
-Yes, what’s the matter?
00:10:02.375 --> 00:10:04.792
Well, I just though It would
be nice to leave a bar...
00:10:04.792 --> 00:10:07.333
...before my companion for
the first time in my whole life.
00:10:07.917 --> 00:10:10.042
Oh, then you can leave,
you can leave first.
00:10:10.042 --> 00:10:11.542
Really? Is that okay with you?
00:10:11.542 --> 00:10:13.958
Yes! It’s been a
pleasure talking to you.
00:10:13.958 --> 00:10:16.875
Yes, it’s been like having a
monologue with myself...
00:10:16.875 --> 00:10:18.667
...but adding prostate problems.
00:10:18.667 --> 00:10:21.792
-I don’t have prostate problems!
-I don’t have erection problems neither!
00:10:21.792 --> 00:10:24.958
-I didn’t said you had!
-Nor did I, because I don’t have them!
00:10:24.958 --> 00:10:26.708
I’m glad, I’m so
glad to know it!
00:10:26.708 --> 00:10:30.208
And I’m glad about your
prostate… about our prostate.
00:10:30.917 --> 00:10:32.500
Well, see you.
00:10:32.500 --> 00:10:34.000
See you.
00:10:35.208 --> 00:10:36.875
Prostate, he says...
00:11:03.208 --> 00:11:04.292
Hey!
00:11:06.625 --> 00:11:11.792
Please think twice before
filming certain things in Europe.
00:11:13.083 --> 00:11:14.583
Europe...
Distributor: Pragda Films
Length: 12 minutes
Date: 2017
Genre: Narrative
Language: Spanish / English subtitles
Grade: Middle School, High School, College, Adults
Color/BW:
Closed Captioning: Available
The is title is available for licensing on the Pragda STREAM site.
Existing customers, please log in to view this film.
New to Docuseek? Register to request a quote.
Related Films
Somewhere in a post-apcopalyptic world settled by people made of wire,…
Clara and Luis have an argument. It’s not the first and it’s always over…