WEBVTT

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♪

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So just imagine me
in a shower right now, okay?

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I\'ve been stupid,

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I\'ve accidentally left my leg
in the other room.

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Wait, go get.

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Green, get it.

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That\'s it, bring, bring, bring!

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Bring, bring,
bring, bring, bring!

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Bring it!

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Oh, yes!

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Such a good girl!

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Such a good girl.

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♪

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It was October 31st, 2004.

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I got orders
they were going to fly me

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for four days to Qatar
going on R&R.

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That morning,
I paused for about 30 seconds

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deciding which helicopter
I wanted to get onto.

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I started to get onto one.

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Everything in my head
told me no.

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I still got on.

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(helicopter humming)

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We get loaded up
onto the helicopter, take off.

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We are flying
at about 200 feet, I believe.

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All of a sudden, out of nowhere,

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metal on metal contact,
big giant boom.

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Black smoke,
I can feel the explosion

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on the side of my face.

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I can feel the person
that sat beside me

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grab my arm with two hands

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like I was supposed
to save her.

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We went into
such a hellacious spin,

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we just screwed into the ground.

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♪

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I evaluated my situation,

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my feet are trapped
underneath the rough housing.

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I go to take my Kevlar off
and set it beside me,

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and I set it
on that poor girl\'s chest.

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♪

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And I flipped out.

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It wasn\'t my first time

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dealing with unresponsive eyes
in the desert.

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But it\'s the one
that haunts my dreams.

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♪

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There\'s no reason
why I should\'ve lived

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and she should\'ve died.

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♪

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It wasn\'t because
I was a better soldier.

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It wasn\'t because
I was better prepared.

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It wasn\'t because I was
any harder or any stronger.

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I just got fucking lucky.

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♪

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(insect buzzing)

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♪

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I am literally in a crater

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surrounded by helicopter.

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♪

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And then a fire breaks out.

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(whooshing)

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You can start to feel the pain

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of the flames
licking at your legs.

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♪

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Once the left boot melted off...

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I coyote-pulled the foot out

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from underneath the wreckage.

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There was a time period
where it feels like

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I sort of separated
from my brain.

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♪

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And then I slipped
into a Lord\'s Prayer.

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(whispered prayer)

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There was nothing I could do

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but be amazingly awake
and coherent

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while being on fire.

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(prayer continues)

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♪

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I am sure my screaming

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is probably burnt
into somebody\'s head

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causing them nightmares.

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PTSD has this amazing ability.

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You can feed into it

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by the way you think.

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All of these things
that I\'m saying

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are still things
that go on in my life daily.

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♪

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The thing is, the difference is
how I react to it.

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♪

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What I allow to affect me...

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...and what I\'ve been able
to change the picture on.

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♪

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(beeping)

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♪

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I haven\'t had
a relationship like this

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with another being
since I was in the military.

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♪

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These new feelings came
because of him,

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this new relief came
because of him.

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Let\'s go!

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You\'re the man!

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This is
an emotional relationship

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but at a very different level.

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♪

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Mine, mine, mine...

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It\'s unconditional.

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He\'ll do anything for me,
and I\'ll do anything for him.

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♪

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(airplane humming)

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♪

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(spraying)

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♪

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I was in a lot of pain.

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Then I have issues
with particular feelings

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like sadness, anger,
fear, joy, and misery.

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A lot of loss.

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♪

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I\'m basically homebound.

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Very isolated.

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When the depression comes,
I have no choice.

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I curl up
and my skin starts crawling.

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♪

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I can\'t sleep
and I have hallucinations.

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Flashbacks and nightmares.

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♪

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Back and forth, back and forth.

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♪

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It\'s a never-ending cycle.

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♪

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The worst thing about PTSD
is the loneliness.

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♪

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It\'s not being able
to relate to someone,

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not being able
to talk to someone,

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not being able to reach out
to something or anything.

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♪

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Well, I get asked
where this started,

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who discovered it.

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I didn\'t discover it!

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Homer discovered it!

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Going back to the very first
war poem we had,

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the Epic of Gilgamesh,

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which states that
over 4,000 years ago,

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we hear what we call
post-traumatic stress disorder

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in that poem.

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It\'s in the Bible.

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Kings David and Saul had
post-traumatic stress disorder.

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If we read those stories
carefully and correctly,

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we hear all
the symptoms back then

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that we hear today.

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Rages, flashbacks, nightmares,

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turning against friends,
turning against family members,

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sexual abuse, substance abuse.

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The Lakota people

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called this wound
\"(Lakota word),\"

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which means, \"the spirits left.\"

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The spirits left.

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Most people have heard of
shell shock from World War I,

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combat fatigue
from World War II.

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Those were earlier names
for the same condition.

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In our Civil War, they called it
the Soldier\'s Heart,

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which really had to do
with their ideas

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that the gases
that were exploding

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caused microlesions
in the heart.

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♪

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Warriors tend to like the name
Soldier\'s Heart better

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than post-traumatic
stress disorder for their wound.

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They say, \"I do have
a soldier\'s heart.

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A soldier\'s heart is
a broken heart.\"

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I will carry memories
of pain, of loss,

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of despair, of hardship
for my entire life,

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but I can learn to carry it
as my story.

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(crickets chirping)

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I was living with my mother
in Salinas,

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and I didn\'t want to live
with my mother

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in Salinas anymore.

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So I went to visit the Marine--
the Marine recruiter,

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and he says, \"Do this pull-up.\"

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And I said, \"Okay,\"
and he said, \"Any time,\"

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and I said,
\"I\'m doing the best I can.\"

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And he says,
\"Well, you\'re not moving,\"

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and I said,
\"But I\'m doing the best I can.\"

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And he invited me to go visit
the Army recruiter.

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♪

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So I went to the Army recruiter

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and they found my desire
to be a writer,

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to be a broadcast journalist

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and carrying a video camera
along with my M16.

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♪

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It\'s a big wake-up call

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to actually experience
being in a war zone.

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Nothing can prepare you
for that first rocket...

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(imitating rocket whooshing)

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...over your head.

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And then one-one thousand,
two-one thousand.

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Pop!

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It sounds like
God has a paper bag

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and He\'s gone, pop!

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It doesn\'t sound like
the ever-so-pleasing boom

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that you hear on TV.

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(imitating artillery shell
whistle and explosions)

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You know that
something\'s destroyed,

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someone\'s dead,

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and all the good things
you were trying to do,

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you couldn\'t really see
how they were doing good.

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♪

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Driving through Baghdad

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and smelling
this horrible smell.

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And you\'re like,
\"What is that horrible smell?\"

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It\'s dead bodies rotting
on the streets.

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And it\'s the morgue,

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because the electricity\'s
off again.

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That horrible smell,

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that horrible smell
had birthdays

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and friends and parents.

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And now it\'s just
a horrible smell.

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And translators that helped you,
you learn about them,

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that they were going home
one night

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and somebody killed them.

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♪

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For the crime
of being with us.

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♪

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And that\'s what happens in war.

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People just cease to be.

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They cease to be
and there\'s nothing left.

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♪

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When you go through things
in the military,

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it makes you vigilant,

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it makes you pay attention
to everything.

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Everything.

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One day I was at work
and I loved this coworker,

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he\'s a great man,

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but I was focused
on the computer

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and he came up behind me.

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I truthfully wanted to hurt him.

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But I had Boothe.

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And instead of hurting him,
I had my dog.

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Feeling like you\'re broken

00:13:56.667 --> 00:14:00.375
to where I\'m not gonna be able
to put the pieces back together,

00:14:00.375 --> 00:14:03.458
and it feels like no one
will ever understand

00:14:03.458 --> 00:14:06.834
what I\'m going through
or what I\'ve been through.

00:14:06.834 --> 00:14:11.458
Whatever he experienced,
he brought it home.

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My brother,
he would call me No Emotions,

00:14:15.667 --> 00:14:16.542
and he made fun of it

00:14:16.542 --> 00:14:17.959
and it\'s only
because he doesn\'t know

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why I have no emotions,
why I\'m not laughing.

00:14:21.375 --> 00:14:25.208
He would make a joke about,
\"Here\'s Brandon.

00:14:25.208 --> 00:14:26.625
Uh, no--nothing.

00:14:26.625 --> 00:14:30.125
Just standing there,
sitting there, ha-ha.\"

00:14:34.834 --> 00:14:43.458
♪

00:14:43.458 --> 00:14:46.792
This is actually
an innocence lost.

00:14:46.792 --> 00:14:49.291
This is things that I aspire

00:14:49.291 --> 00:14:51.458
to be able to do again one day.

00:14:51.458 --> 00:14:55.041
You know, at this point,
these things are...

00:14:55.375 --> 00:14:56.792
...might be mundane to some,

00:14:56.792 --> 00:14:59.792
might be just part
of regular life

00:14:59.792 --> 00:15:00.709
to have an everyday job,

00:15:00.709 --> 00:15:05.417
but for me they are wrought
with pain and fear.

00:15:05.417 --> 00:15:08.458
This is level of stress
out of 100.

00:15:08.458 --> 00:15:09.375
♪

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Going to a Yankee game
or a Ranger game is at 90.

00:15:13.375 --> 00:15:13.875
I used to go to a lot of games.

00:15:13.875 --> 00:15:18.041
I would go, on the average,
to about 20 Yankees games

00:15:18.041 --> 00:15:20.750
and about 10 Rangers games
a year,

00:15:20.750 --> 00:15:24.333
and I haven\'t been to any
since I\'ve come back.

00:15:24.333 --> 00:15:24.583
Those are at 90.

00:15:24.583 --> 00:15:28.750
Sitting in the stadium
or in an arena, yeah.

00:15:28.750 --> 00:15:32.166
This beach thing goes
in different stages.

00:15:32.166 --> 00:15:35.959
When I did come home,
I did it on a daily basis.

00:15:35.959 --> 00:15:37.458
I was fine all over the beach.

00:15:37.458 --> 00:15:39.792
There\'s a dune
that has this tall grass.

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I used to always go up
on the dune and drink

00:15:41.542 --> 00:15:45.208
and then walk all over
the beach no problem, you know?

00:15:45.208 --> 00:15:48.291
But once I got sober,
this whole issue came up.

00:15:48.291 --> 00:15:53.291
I came here when I got sober
and I just froze.

00:15:53.291 --> 00:15:55.125
♪

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I was just stuck.

00:15:57.667 --> 00:15:59.458
I couldn\'t get
nowhere near the dune,

00:15:59.458 --> 00:16:01.291
nowhere near the boardwalk.

00:16:01.291 --> 00:16:02.333
♪

00:16:02.333 --> 00:16:04.917
Going out there was
just like this huge open area.

00:16:04.917 --> 00:16:09.250
Being exposed,
being in danger of being shot.

00:16:09.250 --> 00:16:11.250
Might as well have been
walking around

00:16:11.250 --> 00:16:13.083
with a big target on my back.

00:16:13.083 --> 00:16:16.875
All of this is just
to keep the monster at bay.

00:16:16.875 --> 00:16:21.583
All this stuff is
just things that help you.

00:16:21.583 --> 00:16:34.291
♪

00:16:34.291 --> 00:16:39.375
I had to learn how to live
with the monster of PTSD.

00:16:39.375 --> 00:16:42.417
You\'re not gonna get it
in a cage.

00:16:42.417 --> 00:16:43.667
You\'re not gonna tame it.

00:16:43.667 --> 00:16:46.333
If you don\'t know
how to live with it,

00:16:46.333 --> 00:16:49.500
when it shows up,
it\'s gonna destroy you.

00:16:49.500 --> 00:16:50.875
I would mostly describe it

00:16:50.875 --> 00:16:57.458
as being under a lake of ice...

00:16:58.375 --> 00:17:01.959
...and you\'re in
that freezing water...

00:17:02.125 --> 00:17:07.250
...and you sit there
and hit on it and hit on it,

00:17:07.250 --> 00:17:10.250
but you can\'t break
through the ice.

00:17:10.583 --> 00:17:12.875
And what\'s worse is
you see your family

00:17:12.875 --> 00:17:15.709
on the other side of that ice.

00:17:15.709 --> 00:17:18.041
And you can scream
as loud as you want to,

00:17:18.041 --> 00:17:21.917
but nobody hears you.

00:17:23.792 --> 00:17:36.625
♪

00:17:36.625 --> 00:17:39.375
Just don\'t walk in any snow
or puddles or anything

00:17:39.375 --> 00:17:42.458
or else you\'re gonna have
wet feet all day.

00:17:44.667 --> 00:17:47.125
I have to get Duke ready.

00:17:48.166 --> 00:17:49.875
I hate...

00:17:50.000 --> 00:17:52.250
You probably don\'t like stairs.

00:17:52.250 --> 00:17:54.917
No, I hate stairs.

00:17:55.583 --> 00:17:59.417
Taking her to school,
I can\'t even go through the door

00:17:59.417 --> 00:18:03.458
without at least 20-30 minutes

00:18:03.458 --> 00:18:08.542
of just willing myself to do it.

00:18:13.709 --> 00:18:15.583
I can\'t even go out of my house

00:18:15.583 --> 00:18:20.041
without being so scared
of my own shadow.

00:18:24.166 --> 00:18:25.041
So it\'s not gym.

00:18:25.041 --> 00:18:28.125
I don\'t know why
Cruz does that.

00:18:28.125 --> 00:18:30.625
When boys pick on girls
at this age,

00:18:30.625 --> 00:18:32.917
they mean they like \'em.

00:18:33.375 --> 00:18:34.291
You know that, right?

00:18:34.291 --> 00:18:36.667
-Yeah.
-So I think Cruz...

00:18:36.667 --> 00:18:39.583
(children screaming)

00:18:45.417 --> 00:18:47.834
-Pick you up later?
-Not a problem.

00:18:47.834 --> 00:18:49.625
Good job.

00:18:52.291 --> 00:18:54.500
I love you, baby.

00:18:56.834 --> 00:18:59.458
♪

00:18:59.458 --> 00:19:01.625
My uniform is a little dusty.

00:19:01.625 --> 00:19:05.625
It hasn\'t been worn
in a little while.

00:19:05.625 --> 00:19:07.834
My Cavalryman badge

00:19:07.834 --> 00:19:10.166
to signify that
I was a cavalryman,

00:19:10.166 --> 00:19:11.333
the Crossed Sabers.

00:19:11.333 --> 00:19:14.750
I leave the uniform out
as a symbol

00:19:14.750 --> 00:19:18.083
of what I used to be.

00:19:18.709 --> 00:19:20.125
Um...

00:19:20.375 --> 00:19:23.834
...the warrior
that I used to be.

00:19:24.125 --> 00:19:26.792
(video game noises)

00:19:32.375 --> 00:19:34.834
I--I have no friends.

00:19:36.333 --> 00:19:38.834
Most of the time,
I ignore my family.

00:19:38.834 --> 00:19:45.041
And I use video games
to escape this world.

00:19:45.041 --> 00:19:48.375
♪

00:19:48.375 --> 00:19:54.000
The other parents, they give me
that glance of judgment.

00:19:54.000 --> 00:19:55.709
I can always see it,

00:19:55.709 --> 00:19:57.917
that look that they give you.

00:19:57.917 --> 00:20:00.458
♪

00:20:00.458 --> 00:20:03.083
(school bell ringing)

00:20:03.083 --> 00:20:06.834
♪

00:20:06.834 --> 00:20:11.458
It\'s like every time I go,
everyone\'s staring at me,

00:20:11.458 --> 00:20:13.417
but nobody is, really.

00:20:13.417 --> 00:20:17.750
♪

00:20:17.750 --> 00:20:19.875
Come on, come on.

00:20:19.875 --> 00:20:24.625
I stay as far as I can
away from everyone.

00:20:25.375 --> 00:20:28.667
I\'m always easy to pick out,
because I\'m the one

00:20:28.667 --> 00:20:31.542
singled out away from the crowd.

00:20:31.542 --> 00:20:35.000
♪

00:20:35.000 --> 00:20:36.792
I can\'t have anyone behind me.

00:20:36.792 --> 00:20:40.500
Daddy, this day
cannot get any worse!

00:20:40.500 --> 00:20:43.166
I spilled paper--I spilled...

00:20:43.166 --> 00:20:44.542
(indistinct speech)

00:20:44.542 --> 00:20:47.417
Bye, Elona, have a good night!

00:20:47.667 --> 00:20:49.208
See you in the morning!

00:20:49.208 --> 00:20:52.250
Elona is...

00:20:52.417 --> 00:20:55.166
...the stone
that I have to stand on.

00:20:55.166 --> 00:20:58.834
She is my strength
when I don\'t have it.

00:21:00.583 --> 00:21:05.125
She\'s--she\'s protected me
a long time.

00:21:05.125 --> 00:21:07.750
She\'s kept me from suicide

00:21:07.750 --> 00:21:11.834
for I don\'t know
how many different times.

00:21:11.834 --> 00:21:15.583
I mean, she would walk in
and it would save me,

00:21:15.583 --> 00:21:18.959
and I would think of her,
and it would...

00:21:18.959 --> 00:21:23.458
I\'d reconsider my choice
and I wouldn\'t be here today

00:21:23.458 --> 00:21:26.000
if it wasn\'t for Elona.

00:21:27.000 --> 00:21:29.750
How\'s it feel
being a rock, Elona?

00:21:29.750 --> 00:21:32.750
(giggling nervously)

00:21:32.750 --> 00:21:34.208
Tell.

00:21:34.208 --> 00:21:36.500
Don\'t know.

00:21:40.417 --> 00:21:42.166
It\'s okay.

00:21:43.458 --> 00:21:45.000
(sniffling)

00:21:47.709 --> 00:21:49.083
Don\'t worry, baby.

00:21:49.083 --> 00:21:51.792
Daddy\'s not going anywhere.

00:21:57.083 --> 00:22:00.750
♪

00:22:00.750 --> 00:22:03.125
Grew up in Poland,
family was everything.

00:22:03.125 --> 00:22:06.083
My grandfather was
in the Polish Army

00:22:06.083 --> 00:22:08.041
during World War II.

00:22:08.583 --> 00:22:09.458
I used to love sitting

00:22:09.458 --> 00:22:12.083
in the wintertime
by his fireplace

00:22:12.083 --> 00:22:13.375
and just listening
to his stories.

00:22:13.375 --> 00:22:17.125
When we came here,
he was 14 years old.

00:22:17.125 --> 00:22:18.583
♪

00:22:18.583 --> 00:22:22.583
Full alcoholic
by the age of 14, 15.

00:22:23.333 --> 00:22:25.041
Got into cocaine at 16.

00:22:25.041 --> 00:22:29.083
The guys I was running around
with selling, doing.

00:22:29.083 --> 00:22:30.458
I was just extortion,

00:22:30.458 --> 00:22:32.542
and picking up money,
money laundering.

00:22:32.542 --> 00:22:35.375
A lot of felonies,
a lot of gun charges

00:22:35.375 --> 00:22:37.375
and really pretty bad.

00:22:37.375 --> 00:22:38.583
Greg was never married.

00:22:38.583 --> 00:22:42.125
He was in a relationship.

00:22:42.125 --> 00:22:43.041
From this relationship,

00:22:43.041 --> 00:22:46.333
he has wonderful daughter,
Jamie.

00:22:46.333 --> 00:22:48.083
When I was very, very young,

00:22:48.083 --> 00:22:51.166
we lived at the Puck Building
Downtown.

00:22:51.166 --> 00:22:53.375
Back then, he was definitely
more lighthearted.

00:22:53.375 --> 00:22:54.792
He was the person
that just wants

00:22:54.792 --> 00:22:56.959
to make everyone
in the room laugh.

00:22:56.959 --> 00:22:59.417
Well, that was basically
the lifestyle that I led

00:22:59.417 --> 00:23:00.542
up until 9/11.

00:23:00.542 --> 00:23:05.000
When 9/11 happened, it was
like a light bulb went off.

00:23:05.000 --> 00:23:07.208
And I knew at that point,
this is what I gotta do.

00:23:07.208 --> 00:23:09.834
I gotta go
and serve my country.

00:23:09.834 --> 00:23:12.166
Once he gets in his mind
to do something,

00:23:12.166 --> 00:23:14.375
he is determined.

00:23:14.667 --> 00:23:15.917
He decided to enlist

00:23:15.917 --> 00:23:20.125
and it changed the trajectory
of his life.

00:23:22.333 --> 00:23:24.208
(birds chirping)

00:23:24.208 --> 00:23:26.667
(indistinct conversation)

00:23:26.667 --> 00:23:31.542
My experience with PTSD
was pretty limited.

00:23:31.542 --> 00:23:33.583
Look at those two palm trees
just sticking out.

00:23:33.583 --> 00:23:38.542
March 2007, I met up
with Sylvia for dinner.

00:23:38.542 --> 00:23:42.166
She\'d had more to drink
than I was used to seeing,

00:23:42.166 --> 00:23:46.834
and just didn\'t seem
nearly as focused.

00:23:47.542 --> 00:23:49.500
And then the next time
I saw her after that

00:23:49.500 --> 00:23:53.500
was a week later
when she was in the VA hospital

00:23:53.500 --> 00:23:58.750
in Washington, D.C.,
locked up behind bars.

00:23:58.750 --> 00:24:00.583
♪

00:24:00.583 --> 00:24:04.500
She told me that
she just became overwhelmed

00:24:04.500 --> 00:24:08.458
and felt that she needed
to go to the hospital

00:24:08.458 --> 00:24:10.917
or she\'d hurt herself.

00:24:10.917 --> 00:24:13.917
John, who was still
my friend at the time,

00:24:13.917 --> 00:24:16.208
not my husband yet...

00:24:16.417 --> 00:24:20.959
...he helped me get into
a treatment program.

00:24:22.917 --> 00:24:25.583
They decided I was bipolar.

00:24:25.583 --> 00:24:27.250
♪

00:24:27.250 --> 00:24:29.709
So they gave me lots of drugs,

00:24:29.709 --> 00:24:31.709
and my symptoms got worse.

00:24:31.709 --> 00:24:32.542
♪

00:24:32.542 --> 00:24:35.250
And then they got worse
and I got more drugs.

00:24:35.250 --> 00:24:39.166
♪

00:24:39.166 --> 00:24:41.792
It lasted five years.

00:24:41.792 --> 00:24:45.166
♪

00:24:45.166 --> 00:24:48.959
And I went
to Stanford Medical Center.

00:24:48.959 --> 00:24:53.500
The doctors there said,
\"No, no, you\'re not bipolar.\"

00:24:53.500 --> 00:24:56.041
\"We need to get you
off the pills.\"

00:24:56.041 --> 00:24:59.417
And it took a year
to get off the meds completely.

00:25:00.458 --> 00:25:04.458
When the meds wore off,
I\'m frightened again.

00:25:04.458 --> 00:25:05.166
I\'m not numb.

00:25:05.166 --> 00:25:07.667
I have to figure out
how to live again.

00:25:07.667 --> 00:25:10.166
I went to my VA and I said,
\"I\'ve gotta do something,

00:25:10.166 --> 00:25:11.625
gotta do something,
gotta do something,\"

00:25:11.625 --> 00:25:12.834
and they said,
\"Well, how about a dog?\"

00:25:12.834 --> 00:25:14.625
I\'m like, \"Okay,
all right, let\'s do that.

00:25:14.625 --> 00:25:16.458
All right, all right.\"

00:25:16.458 --> 00:25:20.000
Getting my dog,
getting my Timothy,

00:25:20.000 --> 00:25:23.542
it was second only to my child.

00:25:23.542 --> 00:25:26.125
We went to get him,
and he just kinda walked out

00:25:26.125 --> 00:25:29.083
and went, \"Oh, hello!\"

00:25:29.083 --> 00:25:30.625
♪

00:25:30.625 --> 00:25:34.500
I slowly re-established myself

00:25:34.500 --> 00:25:36.583
in the land of living people,

00:25:36.583 --> 00:25:40.291
and it was totally
through his help.

00:25:40.291 --> 00:25:42.959
♪ Timothy ♪

00:25:42.959 --> 00:25:45.417
Hi, darling sweetheart!

00:25:45.417 --> 00:25:46.333
Darling sweetheart!

00:25:46.333 --> 00:25:48.583
Just a minute, just a minute!

00:25:48.583 --> 00:25:50.583
Oh, I know,
you know where we are!

00:25:50.583 --> 00:25:52.041
Out, out.

00:25:52.041 --> 00:25:53.375
Sit!

00:25:53.375 --> 00:25:55.041
Good boy!

00:25:55.041 --> 00:25:56.417
Oh, look at you!

00:25:56.417 --> 00:25:58.125
Hi!

00:25:58.125 --> 00:26:01.417
♪

00:26:01.417 --> 00:26:03.375
I love when you guys
come back for refreshers,

00:26:03.375 --> 00:26:05.333
because I love both of you.

00:26:05.333 --> 00:26:06.166
And he gets so excited,

00:26:06.166 --> 00:26:07.250
\'cause he knows he\'s gonna get

00:26:07.250 --> 00:26:07.875
a ton of food, right?

00:26:07.875 --> 00:26:10.166
He\'s like, \"Yes,
we\'re back at the ranch!\"

00:26:10.166 --> 00:26:11.625
We could do like
a nose touch on the leg

00:26:11.625 --> 00:26:12.542
-instead of an alert.
-Okay.

00:26:12.542 --> 00:26:14.625
So then you would know,
like, this is specifically

00:26:14.625 --> 00:26:16.417
-for when I\'m disassociating.
-Okay.

00:26:16.417 --> 00:26:18.000
And the other times
is when he\'s alerting

00:26:18.000 --> 00:26:21.583
to panic, stress,
or just a behavior.

00:26:21.583 --> 00:26:23.041
♪

00:26:23.041 --> 00:26:25.166
Alert now.

00:26:25.166 --> 00:26:25.750
Good alert.

00:26:25.750 --> 00:26:27.792
If you\'re doing it
as a behavior...

00:26:27.792 --> 00:26:29.583
-Yeah, it\'s my behavior.
-...a nervous thing,

00:26:29.583 --> 00:26:31.500
-he\'s gonna keep doing it.
-Good boy!

00:26:31.500 --> 00:26:34.750
I still have my days where
I\'m just frightened all day.

00:26:34.750 --> 00:26:37.125
But he\'s with me,
that\'s the difference.

00:26:37.125 --> 00:26:38.625
♪ Timothy, Timothy♪

00:26:38.625 --> 00:26:43.333
Having an animal that loves you
because you are you,

00:26:43.333 --> 00:26:45.166
it\'s a start.

00:26:45.166 --> 00:26:47.291
♪ Timothy ♪

00:26:53.959 --> 00:26:55.125
When he got home from Iraq,

00:26:55.125 --> 00:26:58.166
he seemed
a little weather-beaten,

00:26:58.166 --> 00:26:59.041
happy to see me.

00:26:59.041 --> 00:27:01.291
I suppose I could see
a little change in him,

00:27:01.291 --> 00:27:04.625
but it didn\'t become apparent
until later.

00:27:04.625 --> 00:27:08.083
It slowly built up
and built up and built up

00:27:08.083 --> 00:27:09.875
until it finally exploded

00:27:09.875 --> 00:27:12.667
and then I was lost.

00:27:12.667 --> 00:27:16.250
When I first got back from Iraq,
I drank a lot.

00:27:16.250 --> 00:27:19.041
I drank a whole bottle
of Hennessy every day.

00:27:19.041 --> 00:27:21.583
It\'s a culture shock
coming back.

00:27:21.583 --> 00:27:23.166
When I got back from war,

00:27:23.166 --> 00:27:27.417
my family, my friends,
my child expected me

00:27:27.417 --> 00:27:29.834
to be this person
that could handle things.

00:27:29.834 --> 00:27:31.875
And when I came back,
I was this person

00:27:31.875 --> 00:27:33.959
that could handle nothing.

00:27:33.959 --> 00:27:36.583
When I came home from Vietnam...

00:27:36.583 --> 00:27:38.250
♪

00:27:38.250 --> 00:27:41.208
...it wasn\'t what I expected
it would be.

00:27:41.208 --> 00:27:42.500
♪

00:27:42.500 --> 00:27:45.667
Little did I know
that when we came home

00:27:45.667 --> 00:27:48.542
people would be
treating us so bad.

00:27:48.542 --> 00:27:50.792
We were called baby killers.

00:27:50.792 --> 00:27:51.625
We couldn\'t walk
down the streets

00:27:51.625 --> 00:27:54.000
without someone saying
something horrible to us.

00:27:54.000 --> 00:27:58.625
So I didn\'t--I didn\'t wear
my uniform anymore,

00:27:58.625 --> 00:28:00.083
I didn\'t wear a hat no more.

00:28:00.083 --> 00:28:03.625
I came into my loft drunk,
fell asleep,

00:28:03.625 --> 00:28:06.959
and the building where I have
the loft is very old,

00:28:06.959 --> 00:28:10.250
and in the middle of the night,
the steam comes

00:28:10.250 --> 00:28:11.250
and the pipes start banging

00:28:11.250 --> 00:28:13.417
and it sounds
like mortars going off

00:28:13.417 --> 00:28:15.959
and woke me and I started
looking for my weapon

00:28:15.959 --> 00:28:20.375
and for my body armor
and I went crazy.

00:28:20.375 --> 00:28:21.250
I didn\'t know what happened.

00:28:21.250 --> 00:28:25.041
I went nuts, so I started
going through the building

00:28:25.041 --> 00:28:25.959
and then I found my doorman,

00:28:25.959 --> 00:28:29.625
and he was--instead of
being on duty, he was asleep

00:28:29.625 --> 00:28:33.375
on his little perch
in the lobby,

00:28:33.375 --> 00:28:35.083
and I beat him.

00:28:35.083 --> 00:28:37.166
I thought he took my weapon.

00:28:37.166 --> 00:28:38.792
And then I cut him.

00:28:38.792 --> 00:28:40.375
That was my first night
back home

00:28:40.375 --> 00:28:43.333
from combat
after 11 months.

00:28:44.834 --> 00:28:47.083
I\'ve done some
pretty terrible things

00:28:47.083 --> 00:28:48.166
in front of my family.

00:28:48.166 --> 00:28:53.417
I\'ve been handcuffed
and brought to the hospital

00:28:53.417 --> 00:28:57.166
for a psych eval three times.

00:28:57.166 --> 00:28:59.875
Had to take knives
away from him,

00:28:59.875 --> 00:29:04.417
\'cause he used to cut himself
on his moments.

00:29:04.417 --> 00:29:07.542
It was the Army
mental health hospital

00:29:07.542 --> 00:29:08.875
where I first went,

00:29:08.875 --> 00:29:14.083
and the reason I went
is because...

00:29:15.291 --> 00:29:17.500
It was when Elona
was still a baby,

00:29:17.500 --> 00:29:19.208
like a baby baby,
and she was crying

00:29:19.208 --> 00:29:25.542
and I got mad, so I ended up
smacking her too hard.

00:29:26.417 --> 00:29:28.166
And the second I did that,

00:29:28.166 --> 00:29:31.458
every memory of me being abused
by my stepfather

00:29:31.458 --> 00:29:35.834
just rushed in,
and that\'s all I could see.

00:29:35.834 --> 00:29:39.625
I became my stepfather
and I did not want that.

00:29:39.625 --> 00:29:42.458
Did not want that,
especially for Elona.

00:29:42.458 --> 00:29:45.917
She does not deserve that.

00:29:45.917 --> 00:29:49.166
I hit her so hard
that I woke up my wife.

00:29:49.166 --> 00:29:56.166
She said I needed to get help
or she was going to leave me.

00:29:56.750 --> 00:30:00.041
I went to therapy the next day,

00:30:00.041 --> 00:30:02.083
and it helped a little.

00:30:02.083 --> 00:30:04.917
♪

00:30:04.917 --> 00:30:07.709
My psychiatrist over at the VA

00:30:07.709 --> 00:30:09.959
recommended a service dog.

00:30:09.959 --> 00:30:12.834
Now I am going
to K9s For Warriors

00:30:12.834 --> 00:30:18.709
and I will be honored
with a service dog.

00:30:20.000 --> 00:30:21.250
Duke, come here, buddy.

00:30:21.250 --> 00:30:25.458
This is Duke, and we\'ve had him

00:30:25.458 --> 00:30:29.083
since he was--
since he was two months?

00:30:29.083 --> 00:30:33.750
My biggest concern was
bringing my new battle buddy

00:30:33.750 --> 00:30:38.709
from K9s For Warriors
is if they get along,

00:30:38.709 --> 00:30:42.000
\'cause I don\'t want
to get rid of Duke.

00:30:42.000 --> 00:30:42.709
I don\'t.

00:30:42.709 --> 00:30:44.500
He\'s a part of the family.

00:30:44.500 --> 00:30:46.667
If they don\'t get along,

00:30:46.667 --> 00:30:49.041
we\'re gonna have
to get rid of him.

00:30:49.041 --> 00:30:51.291
(laughing)

00:30:51.291 --> 00:30:55.041
And, yeah, and I don\'t want to.

00:30:55.041 --> 00:30:57.583
♪

00:30:57.583 --> 00:31:00.208
So what are we having tonight?

00:31:00.208 --> 00:31:01.917
I have no idea.

00:31:01.917 --> 00:31:02.625
Oh.

00:31:02.625 --> 00:31:06.208
Should we have leftover
basghetti again?

00:31:06.208 --> 00:31:08.875
No, I might have
to cook you guys something.

00:31:08.875 --> 00:31:13.333
And the big thing is
I take 31-plus pills a day.

00:31:13.333 --> 00:31:16.667
I wanna help with dinner,
though!

00:31:17.291 --> 00:31:19.959
It makes me feel zombified.

00:31:19.959 --> 00:31:23.291
Maybe he can be a strength
that I don\'t have

00:31:23.291 --> 00:31:25.458
and be that rock to lean on

00:31:25.458 --> 00:31:28.917
so I don\'t need a medication.

00:31:29.333 --> 00:31:30.458
Are you okay?

00:31:30.458 --> 00:31:32.542
Don\'t burn yourself!

00:31:32.542 --> 00:31:35.166
♪

00:31:35.166 --> 00:31:36.542
I made a mistake
in the very beginning

00:31:36.542 --> 00:31:39.583
that I thought
that I could do it by myself.

00:31:39.583 --> 00:31:41.583
Until I finally decided
that I need help

00:31:41.583 --> 00:31:44.000
from the Veterans
Administration.

00:31:44.000 --> 00:31:45.583
(brakes screeching)

00:31:45.583 --> 00:31:48.834
I travel to the Veterans
Administration Hospital

00:31:48.834 --> 00:31:50.458
twice a week.

00:31:51.667 --> 00:31:53.667
I made appointments.

00:31:54.125 --> 00:31:56.583
They called me, I came back.

00:31:56.583 --> 00:32:01.083
I know sometimes it\'s hard
to trust the VA system.

00:32:01.458 --> 00:32:04.583
I\'m fortunate enough
that I\'ve had these doctors

00:32:04.583 --> 00:32:09.500
and they\'ve all been amazing
and they really, really care.

00:32:09.500 --> 00:32:18.500
♪

00:32:18.500 --> 00:32:22.625
My experience with the VA is...

00:32:24.083 --> 00:32:25.875
...horrible in a lot of ways.

00:32:25.875 --> 00:32:28.875
When I raised my right hand,
I was promised

00:32:28.875 --> 00:32:32.083
that, \"If we break you,
we will fix you.\"

00:32:32.083 --> 00:32:34.959
That\'s what I counted on
when I went to the VA,

00:32:34.959 --> 00:32:36.667
that they would fix me.

00:32:36.667 --> 00:32:39.875
Their answer is
give you medication.

00:32:39.875 --> 00:32:42.083
Medication takes care
of everything.

00:32:42.083 --> 00:32:47.875
Because PTSD is
in the medical dictionary

00:32:47.875 --> 00:32:51.625
and in the medical facilities,
doctors give drugs.

00:32:51.625 --> 00:32:56.667
Doctors and nurses
and I do, too.

00:32:56.667 --> 00:32:59.375
Somebody has nightmares
and I know there\'s a medication

00:32:59.375 --> 00:33:01.583
that helps most people
with nightmares,

00:33:01.583 --> 00:33:04.625
I\'ll talk it over with them
and I\'ll give it.

00:33:05.500 --> 00:33:08.000
But in the VA system,

00:33:08.000 --> 00:33:12.834
there has been
overmedication of some.

00:33:13.458 --> 00:33:16.000
And I\'ve served
as an expert witness

00:33:16.000 --> 00:33:17.125
against the VA

00:33:17.125 --> 00:33:20.583
in situations
where I saw illogical,

00:33:20.583 --> 00:33:24.375
I would say illegal
overmedication.

00:33:25.709 --> 00:33:29.417
When I was in the VA,

00:33:29.417 --> 00:33:31.208
I saw one of
the bulletin boards,

00:33:31.208 --> 00:33:34.166
\"service dogs
for veterans with PTSD.\"

00:33:34.166 --> 00:33:36.542
I spoke to my doctor
the next day.

00:33:36.542 --> 00:33:38.166
She said, \"Absolutely.\"

00:33:38.166 --> 00:33:39.208
I would be a perfect candidate

00:33:39.208 --> 00:33:40.709
because I would need
a prescription.

00:33:40.709 --> 00:33:42.875
And I was like, \"A prescription
for a service dog?

00:33:42.875 --> 00:33:44.625
Are you kidding me?\"

00:33:44.625 --> 00:33:47.041
So she wrote me a prescription.

00:33:48.500 --> 00:33:57.458
♪

00:33:57.458 --> 00:34:01.166
I wanted to do it,
so I decided to do it

00:34:01.166 --> 00:34:02.458
and I signed up.

00:34:02.458 --> 00:34:04.667
When he comes here,
this is not going to be my fort.

00:34:04.667 --> 00:34:08.375
This is gonna be a home
for both of us.

00:34:08.375 --> 00:34:10.458
♪

00:34:10.458 --> 00:34:12.375
Give me your hand, good.

00:34:12.375 --> 00:34:13.750
Give me a kiss.

00:34:13.750 --> 00:34:15.208
Good boy!

00:34:15.208 --> 00:34:16.083
♪

00:34:16.083 --> 00:34:20.834
We go to Paws For Vets
and we all tell about our day,

00:34:20.834 --> 00:34:23.083
tell about our month.

00:34:23.083 --> 00:34:24.750
They don\'t just give you a dog,

00:34:24.750 --> 00:34:25.667
they help you heal.

00:34:25.667 --> 00:34:29.583
I was drafted in 1966
to go to Vietnam

00:34:29.583 --> 00:34:33.917
and I\'ve been home for 46 years
without any help.

00:34:33.917 --> 00:34:36.917
I couldn\'t handle sharp noises,

00:34:36.917 --> 00:34:40.333
fire alarms,
thunder and lightning.

00:34:40.333 --> 00:34:40.959
And after I got this dog,

00:34:40.959 --> 00:34:44.959
we went to a movie
for the first time in 20 years,

00:34:44.959 --> 00:34:47.667
and it was
such a wonderful feeling.

00:34:47.667 --> 00:34:51.250
I had no idea what this dog
was gonna be able to do for me,

00:34:51.250 --> 00:34:54.000
but he has changed my life
completely around.

00:34:54.000 --> 00:34:55.583
Now I\'m trying to live my life

00:34:55.583 --> 00:34:58.208
and I\'m enjoying my life again.

00:34:58.542 --> 00:35:00.542
Okay, Brandon.

00:35:01.208 --> 00:35:02.792
Your turn.

00:35:03.458 --> 00:35:05.000
I love your story.

00:35:05.000 --> 00:35:06.250
I think about it a lot.

00:35:06.250 --> 00:35:07.792
I\'ve heard you speak before,

00:35:07.792 --> 00:35:11.917
and I couldn\'t imagine
what you went through

00:35:11.917 --> 00:35:13.875
for 40 years.

00:35:13.875 --> 00:35:16.834
I was in the Marine Corps
about 12 years.

00:35:16.834 --> 00:35:21.417
While I was there,
I had a traumatic brain injury.

00:35:21.417 --> 00:35:24.083
So I took medication,

00:35:24.083 --> 00:35:26.959
and I didn\'t want
to be a zombie,

00:35:26.959 --> 00:35:31.291
so I decided, you know what?

00:35:31.542 --> 00:35:36.333
There has to be something else
or I\'m just broken.

00:35:36.333 --> 00:35:39.208
So I talked to my wife
and I looked online.

00:35:39.208 --> 00:35:41.125
I saw Paws For Vets.

00:35:41.125 --> 00:35:46.083
Once they accepted me,
they said I had to do a bump.

00:35:46.083 --> 00:35:49.959
I\'d never heard of a bump,
didn\'t know what that meant.

00:35:49.959 --> 00:35:51.083
The bump is when you go

00:35:51.083 --> 00:35:54.667
to where the dogs
are being trained by inmates.

00:35:54.667 --> 00:36:00.458
I saw the inmates speak
and I saw the veterans speak,

00:36:00.458 --> 00:36:04.333
so it made me decide,
\"I can do this.\"

00:36:04.333 --> 00:36:05.959
It was time.

00:36:05.959 --> 00:36:07.709
It was time for me to change.

00:36:07.709 --> 00:36:10.625
And I spoke to \'em,
I told \'em everything.

00:36:10.625 --> 00:36:13.875
And I\'d never told anyone
anything.

00:36:13.875 --> 00:36:15.000
My wife didn\'t even know.

00:36:15.000 --> 00:36:18.792
Some of the things
that he shared...

00:36:20.750 --> 00:36:23.542
...was when he was in Iraq

00:36:23.542 --> 00:36:29.500
and he had to go and...

00:36:30.625 --> 00:36:32.500
...clean up some
of the body parts

00:36:32.500 --> 00:36:36.917
of Marines
who committed suicide.

00:36:36.917 --> 00:36:44.417
♪

00:36:44.417 --> 00:36:48.709
Then I got to sit
by myself on stage

00:36:48.709 --> 00:36:50.208
where they bring
the dogs to you.

00:36:50.208 --> 00:36:53.709
None of the dogs
took to me at all.

00:36:53.709 --> 00:36:55.041
I called every dog.

00:36:55.041 --> 00:36:56.208
Then I called Boothe.

00:36:56.208 --> 00:36:58.625
Boothe looked up,
I looked at him,

00:36:58.625 --> 00:36:59.750
and he ran to me.

00:36:59.750 --> 00:37:06.709
And that\'s when everything
started to get a lot better.

00:37:08.208 --> 00:37:15.083
♪

00:37:15.083 --> 00:37:16.542
Part of being a combat vet

00:37:16.542 --> 00:37:20.500
is being part of a combat unit,
and the unit is tight.

00:37:20.500 --> 00:37:23.041
You love your brothers so much

00:37:23.041 --> 00:37:26.041
that you will do
the stupidest stuff

00:37:26.041 --> 00:37:27.834
in the world for them.

00:37:27.834 --> 00:37:28.750
You\'re 19 years old,

00:37:28.750 --> 00:37:30.208
and you\'ve got
all these guys with you,

00:37:30.208 --> 00:37:32.625
it\'s huge--
I mean, talk about gangs.

00:37:32.625 --> 00:37:36.458
These guys are the best gang
you\'ll ever find anywhere!

00:37:36.458 --> 00:37:38.792
They\'re all
incredibly well-trained

00:37:38.792 --> 00:37:40.542
and you\'re all together.

00:37:40.542 --> 00:37:43.417
You have a purpose,
you have meaning!

00:37:43.417 --> 00:37:46.875
It\'s forged, it\'s earned.

00:37:46.875 --> 00:37:47.750
♪

00:37:47.750 --> 00:37:50.709
I didn\'t feel as strong
about my family

00:37:50.709 --> 00:37:53.375
as I felt about your brothers.

00:37:53.375 --> 00:37:55.625
You can depend on each other.

00:37:55.625 --> 00:37:58.000
They create a bond with you
that\'s so strong

00:37:58.000 --> 00:38:00.291
that they would
take a bullet for you,

00:38:00.291 --> 00:38:02.583
they would jump
on the grenade next to you.

00:38:02.583 --> 00:38:04.834
If a grenade landed
between five of us,

00:38:04.834 --> 00:38:06.917
we\'d be pushing each other
out of the way

00:38:06.917 --> 00:38:08.792
to jump on the grenade.

00:38:08.792 --> 00:38:13.125
♪

00:38:13.125 --> 00:38:13.667
Wait.

00:38:13.667 --> 00:38:15.834
He told me about
getting a service dog,

00:38:15.834 --> 00:38:22.208
and I didn\'t understand, really,
what service dogs do.

00:38:22.208 --> 00:38:23.792
She is the same to me

00:38:23.792 --> 00:38:26.834
as a prosthetic leg is
to an amputee.

00:38:26.834 --> 00:38:29.542
A lot of people think that,
\"Oh, I can just train a dog,

00:38:29.542 --> 00:38:31.875
give it to you,
and it\'s a service dog.\"

00:38:31.875 --> 00:38:33.458
Well, it\'s a well-trained dog,

00:38:33.458 --> 00:38:36.500
but it\'s, in my humble opinion,
not a service dog

00:38:36.500 --> 00:38:39.917
unless you\'ve been trained
how to use it.

00:38:39.917 --> 00:38:47.917
♪

00:38:47.917 --> 00:38:49.625
Watch me.

00:38:50.667 --> 00:38:52.083
Left.

00:38:52.542 --> 00:38:54.041
Left.

00:38:55.166 --> 00:38:56.959
Good boy, good boy.

00:38:56.959 --> 00:38:59.125
Greg has been with us
since Wednesday.

00:38:59.125 --> 00:39:01.792
We assigned his dog
to him today,

00:39:01.792 --> 00:39:02.750
it\'s Val.

00:39:02.750 --> 00:39:05.458
(indistinct speech)

00:39:05.458 --> 00:39:06.959
Are you happy? Are you happy?

00:39:06.959 --> 00:39:10.917
He\'ll spend
the next 10 days with us.

00:39:10.917 --> 00:39:11.875
Go around.

00:39:11.875 --> 00:39:13.333
Don\'t talk to each other.

00:39:13.333 --> 00:39:15.041
Let\'s go! Let\'s go.

00:39:15.041 --> 00:39:16.750
He says, \"Left,\"
he gives a treat.

00:39:16.750 --> 00:39:18.125
All of a sudden,
the dog\'s waiting

00:39:18.125 --> 00:39:20.542
for that word \"left\" to happen.

00:39:20.542 --> 00:39:22.041
Left.

00:39:22.834 --> 00:39:24.125
Left.

00:39:24.125 --> 00:39:25.583
Wait.

00:39:26.208 --> 00:39:27.750
Go through.

00:39:27.750 --> 00:39:29.500
Front, front.

00:39:29.500 --> 00:39:30.792
Val, front.

00:39:30.792 --> 00:39:31.625
♪

00:39:31.625 --> 00:39:35.667
Back, back, back,
back, back, heel!

00:39:35.667 --> 00:39:36.750
Yes!

00:39:36.750 --> 00:39:39.250
How do I know
how the dog is feeling?

00:39:39.250 --> 00:39:40.917
I watch the dog\'s tail.

00:39:40.917 --> 00:39:43.333
So if the dog\'s tail
is moving nice and loose

00:39:43.333 --> 00:39:47.083
and relaxed,
then he is loose and relaxed.

00:39:47.083 --> 00:39:49.625
♪

00:39:49.625 --> 00:39:51.125
Good boy.

00:39:51.125 --> 00:39:52.291
You a good boy?

00:39:52.291 --> 00:39:53.583
Since Greg has been here,

00:39:53.583 --> 00:39:55.333
he has not been sleeping well.

00:39:55.333 --> 00:39:56.917
He doesn\'t ever sleep well.

00:39:56.917 --> 00:39:58.792
So I wanna know,
how do you do now

00:39:58.792 --> 00:40:00.333
when you have the dog with you?

00:40:00.333 --> 00:40:02.792
We\'ll make it work tonight,
all right?

00:40:02.792 --> 00:40:05.709
There was a point in time
where I\'d have bad dreams.

00:40:05.709 --> 00:40:07.333
The damn dog
would sleep with me,

00:40:07.333 --> 00:40:10.000
and the dog would wake me up
in the middle of the night

00:40:10.000 --> 00:40:10.375
aggravating me a little bit.

00:40:10.375 --> 00:40:12.792
I\'m like, why are you wak--
I\'m like, \"Stop, stop, stop.\"

00:40:12.792 --> 00:40:15.500
And the dog would wake me up
by just pushing my face

00:40:15.500 --> 00:40:17.709
-and licking me.
-Many veterans report

00:40:17.709 --> 00:40:19.542
that if they\'re
having a nightmare,

00:40:19.542 --> 00:40:21.000
the dog will climb
into bed with them

00:40:21.000 --> 00:40:24.500
and sleep next to them
or even lie on top of them,

00:40:24.500 --> 00:40:26.583
lie on their heart
and soothe them

00:40:26.583 --> 00:40:28.875
and keep those bad spirits away.

00:40:28.875 --> 00:40:32.709
Getting the dog,
doing the boot camp,

00:40:32.709 --> 00:40:37.208
I learned more about myself
and my own anger issues

00:40:37.208 --> 00:40:39.875
than I did in
the eight years of therapy

00:40:39.875 --> 00:40:41.333
I\'d had up to it before.

00:40:41.333 --> 00:40:46.208
Me and Champ are probably
around 40 good, solid commands.

00:40:46.208 --> 00:40:49.208
We teach the dog
to stand and brace.

00:40:49.208 --> 00:40:50.917
So he\'ll lock up.

00:40:50.917 --> 00:40:53.875
He\'ll push off the dog
and help him stand up.

00:40:53.875 --> 00:40:54.750
You\'re so helpful!

00:40:54.750 --> 00:40:56.959
Patrol a house,
so we can teach a dog

00:40:56.959 --> 00:41:00.000
to go room to room to room,

00:41:00.000 --> 00:41:01.083
come back to their owner

00:41:01.083 --> 00:41:02.500
and sit and say
everything\'s okay.

00:41:02.500 --> 00:41:05.083
Our dogs cover
and watch our backs,

00:41:05.083 --> 00:41:08.166
let us know if somebody is
approaching from behind us.

00:41:08.166 --> 00:41:12.166
Middle, if you\'re in
a small confined area,

00:41:12.166 --> 00:41:14.333
let\'s just say
an airplane aisle,

00:41:14.333 --> 00:41:15.208
you tell your dog, \"Middle,\"

00:41:15.208 --> 00:41:17.041
and they stand
between your legs.

00:41:17.041 --> 00:41:18.083
Bring the ball up a bit.

00:41:18.083 --> 00:41:21.041
And they\'ll walk right with you.

00:41:21.041 --> 00:41:21.208
Alert.

00:41:21.208 --> 00:41:23.667
Alerting to a medical condition
that the person has.

00:41:23.667 --> 00:41:25.291
One of our guys
would tap his foot,

00:41:25.291 --> 00:41:27.542
not even knowing it,
and just starts tapping.

00:41:27.542 --> 00:41:30.208
So we teach the dog
to trigger on that.

00:41:30.208 --> 00:41:31.625
When I start getting anxious,

00:41:31.625 --> 00:41:32.834
I\'ll start picking
at my fingers

00:41:32.834 --> 00:41:35.083
to the point where
they\'re bleeding and sore.

00:41:35.083 --> 00:41:38.250
That was good, all right,
let\'s see an interrupt.

00:41:38.250 --> 00:41:40.792
♪

00:41:40.792 --> 00:41:42.709
Yes, good girl.

00:41:42.709 --> 00:41:43.792
Yours is very subtle.

00:41:43.792 --> 00:41:44.625
That\'s really excellent

00:41:44.625 --> 00:41:46.959
that she pays attention
that well.

00:41:46.959 --> 00:41:48.834
♪

00:41:48.834 --> 00:41:50.208
(chimes tinkling)

00:41:50.208 --> 00:41:52.959
We want you talking
while you\'re walking

00:41:52.959 --> 00:41:54.166
so that when we go do the test,

00:41:54.166 --> 00:41:56.166
they\'re still amped up
a little bit.

00:41:56.166 --> 00:41:57.917
Any questions?

00:41:58.583 --> 00:42:00.417
Two laps.

00:42:00.417 --> 00:42:01.959
Dog day came.

00:42:01.959 --> 00:42:03.250
I was so nervous.

00:42:03.250 --> 00:42:07.041
What if I got a dog
that I can\'t connect with?

00:42:07.041 --> 00:42:08.875
What happens then?

00:42:09.417 --> 00:42:10.166
Block.

00:42:10.166 --> 00:42:12.500
But they brought out Mako.

00:42:12.500 --> 00:42:14.667
You\'re perfect, yes, you are.

00:42:14.667 --> 00:42:18.083
And when I saw him
and he saw me,

00:42:18.083 --> 00:42:19.375
the tail wagging.

00:42:19.375 --> 00:42:23.000
He gave me love bites
all over my face.

00:42:23.000 --> 00:42:25.625
The service dogs do have
an impressive list

00:42:25.625 --> 00:42:27.500
of commands that they can do,

00:42:27.500 --> 00:42:30.709
but the bond
and the relationship

00:42:30.709 --> 00:42:32.959
trumps the commands.

00:42:32.959 --> 00:42:34.834
It\'s that bond.

00:42:35.083 --> 00:42:36.250
Many of the men and women,

00:42:36.250 --> 00:42:39.125
their wife or mother
will be standing there

00:42:39.125 --> 00:42:40.625
just crying, just saying,

00:42:40.625 --> 00:42:42.500
\"I haven\'t seen him
act like that

00:42:42.500 --> 00:42:43.417
since he\'s been home.\"

00:42:43.417 --> 00:42:45.542
I think we had
an instant connection.

00:42:45.542 --> 00:42:48.083
And I see it
in almost every veteran

00:42:48.083 --> 00:42:49.458
that comes through here.

00:42:49.458 --> 00:42:52.500
Oh, my God, I love
this little fur rocket.

00:42:53.875 --> 00:42:54.750
There\'s nothing else like it.

00:42:54.750 --> 00:42:57.375
I\'ve tried medicine,
I\'ve tried group.

00:42:57.375 --> 00:42:58.917
I\'ve tried meditation, yoga.

00:42:58.917 --> 00:43:01.000
Nothing has really
had the effect

00:43:01.000 --> 00:43:02.583
that this guy has.

00:43:02.583 --> 00:43:04.417
♪

00:43:04.417 --> 00:43:09.208
In my particular case,
my first service dog...

00:43:09.208 --> 00:43:12.667
...she was like the universe
coming back.

00:43:14.458 --> 00:43:15.959
All right, come on!

00:43:15.959 --> 00:43:20.375
When a warrior makes a dog
his or her companion,

00:43:20.375 --> 00:43:22.041
then they\'re no longer alone.

00:43:22.041 --> 00:43:25.417
I\'m by your side,
I am fiercely loyal to you,

00:43:25.417 --> 00:43:27.917
I will never leave you.

00:43:28.792 --> 00:43:31.083
I\'m feeling tears.

00:43:31.458 --> 00:43:33.750
Because what I\'m
realizing right now--

00:43:33.750 --> 00:43:35.458
I hadn\'t made this
conscious before--

00:43:35.458 --> 00:43:40.625
but dogs emotionally
and intuitively and spiritually

00:43:40.625 --> 00:43:43.709
take a similar soldier\'s vow

00:43:43.709 --> 00:43:46.750
to their partners,
to their human owners,

00:43:46.750 --> 00:43:49.208
as soldiers take
to each other.

00:43:49.208 --> 00:43:51.500
I will protect you,
I will preserve you,

00:43:51.500 --> 00:43:53.542
I will give my life for you,

00:43:53.542 --> 00:43:54.875
I will never leave your side,

00:43:54.875 --> 00:43:58.583
I will never leave
my fallen owner behind.

00:43:58.583 --> 00:44:40.750
♪

00:44:40.750 --> 00:44:43.709
(applause)

00:44:43.709 --> 00:44:47.875
♪

00:44:47.875 --> 00:44:51.709
I must always be considerate
of my dog\'s emotional needs.

00:44:51.709 --> 00:44:52.875
No matter how bad I feel,

00:44:52.875 --> 00:44:56.291
I\'ll always be kind and grateful
for him and to him.

00:44:56.291 --> 00:44:57.458
When all else fails,

00:44:57.458 --> 00:45:00.625
hug the dogs
like you\'ve never done before,

00:45:00.625 --> 00:45:03.959
because your health
depends on it

00:45:03.959 --> 00:45:06.208
and his does too.

00:45:06.917 --> 00:45:10.792
(applause)

00:45:10.792 --> 00:45:12.500
Thank you.

00:45:12.500 --> 00:45:19.083
♪

00:45:19.083 --> 00:45:20.667
(door closes)

00:45:32.458 --> 00:45:33.917
Good boy.

00:45:33.917 --> 00:45:35.208
Hope you like stairs.

00:45:35.208 --> 00:45:38.417
Come this way,
this is the entrance.

00:45:40.041 --> 00:45:41.667
Wait.

00:45:42.542 --> 00:45:43.750
So, welcome home.

00:45:43.750 --> 00:45:44.959
Now we\'re gonna do steps.

00:45:44.959 --> 00:45:49.000
Step, step, step, step,
step, step, step.

00:45:49.000 --> 00:45:51.917
Easy, nice and easy,
don\'t lead me.

00:45:51.917 --> 00:45:53.291
I lead you, buddy, right?

00:45:53.291 --> 00:45:55.333
You\'re gonna wait for me.

00:45:55.333 --> 00:45:56.917
Valor!

00:45:56.917 --> 00:45:59.125
Are you gonna help
with the dishes?

00:45:59.125 --> 00:46:01.792
This is for you,
a dog biscuit!

00:46:02.166 --> 00:46:04.333
While we were in training,

00:46:04.333 --> 00:46:05.709
I wanted to get you a surprise,

00:46:05.709 --> 00:46:09.208
so I got a whole bunch of stuff
ordered for us.

00:46:09.750 --> 00:46:12.333
♪

00:46:12.333 --> 00:46:15.375
Wow, I think you want
to see this, buddy.

00:46:15.375 --> 00:46:16.959
This is primo.

00:46:16.959 --> 00:46:18.667
This is your grooming kit.

00:46:18.667 --> 00:46:21.166
So we\'ve got
your straight scissors,

00:46:21.166 --> 00:46:22.583
your shearing scissors,

00:46:22.583 --> 00:46:24.291
your curved scissors,

00:46:24.291 --> 00:46:25.458
and your comb.

00:46:25.458 --> 00:46:29.333
This is two sizes
of these cool water bowls

00:46:29.333 --> 00:46:31.125
that are collapsible.

00:46:31.125 --> 00:46:33.667
So, this is your monkey fist.

00:46:33.667 --> 00:46:34.750
(laughs)

00:46:34.750 --> 00:46:36.291
You\'re gonna enjoy
your monkey fist,

00:46:36.291 --> 00:46:38.250
you\'re gonna enjoy
your monkey fist.

00:46:38.250 --> 00:46:40.333
Pull! Pull!

00:46:40.333 --> 00:46:42.166
You stay.

00:46:42.792 --> 00:46:43.792
So look what I got you.

00:46:43.792 --> 00:46:47.625
No more sharing with
your brothers and cousins.

00:46:47.625 --> 00:46:50.250
♪

00:46:50.250 --> 00:46:52.250
It\'ll be great.

00:46:52.709 --> 00:46:54.375
Here\'s your water.

00:46:54.500 --> 00:46:55.875
I just changed the filter.

00:46:55.875 --> 00:46:58.083
The kind of--
the hair\'s kind of...

00:46:58.083 --> 00:47:00.166
I\'m not gonna be
roaming these halls,

00:47:00.166 --> 00:47:03.000
empty any longer,
I have something else

00:47:03.000 --> 00:47:04.583
to account for.

00:47:05.125 --> 00:47:06.500
He\'s my battle buddy.

00:47:06.500 --> 00:47:09.500
I\'m gonna finally have
a life worth living.

00:47:09.500 --> 00:47:11.500
This thing removes the hairs.

00:47:11.500 --> 00:47:13.291
Step, step, step, step.

00:47:13.291 --> 00:47:16.041
This is now a routine
every morning.

00:47:16.041 --> 00:47:19.083
We say good morning
in my place.

00:47:19.083 --> 00:47:20.500
You got a visitor.

00:47:20.500 --> 00:47:22.417
-Don\'t get used to it.
-Hello, bye!

00:47:22.417 --> 00:47:24.792
I think he doesn\'t like me
kissing him anymore.

00:47:24.792 --> 00:47:27.709
I ran out of my limit with him,
I over-kissed him.

00:47:27.709 --> 00:47:29.750
Yeah, I like him already, so.

00:47:29.750 --> 00:47:30.959
I hope so.

00:47:30.959 --> 00:47:32.583
And there was
a little trick question

00:47:32.583 --> 00:47:33.500
on the final test.

00:47:33.500 --> 00:47:35.792
The question was,
\"True or false,

00:47:35.792 --> 00:47:37.625
the bond between
the handler and the dog

00:47:37.625 --> 00:47:40.792
will get stronger
when they go home.\"

00:47:40.792 --> 00:47:44.000
We all put true,
that the bond will get stronger,

00:47:44.000 --> 00:47:46.458
and the answer was false,

00:47:46.458 --> 00:47:48.250
that the bond will deteriorate,

00:47:48.250 --> 00:47:50.583
it will not get stronger,
it will get worse,

00:47:50.583 --> 00:47:53.875
because it\'s
the new environment,

00:47:53.875 --> 00:47:55.291
he gets distracted.

00:47:55.291 --> 00:47:58.583
But once it goes back,
it\'s gonna grow stronger.

00:47:58.583 --> 00:48:00.709
I know it\'s not
gonna be easy,

00:48:00.709 --> 00:48:02.709
but you\'re not there long,

00:48:02.709 --> 00:48:07.792
and I just want
to see you happy.

00:48:07.792 --> 00:48:10.083
♪

00:48:10.083 --> 00:48:12.000
Thank you, and...

00:48:12.125 --> 00:48:15.333
...it wouldn\'t be possible
without all the help from you,

00:48:15.333 --> 00:48:17.917
especially motivation
and inspiration

00:48:17.917 --> 00:48:19.959
and the love, and...

00:48:19.959 --> 00:48:23.542
...you were the only one there
when things were worst--

00:48:23.542 --> 00:48:25.750
at the worst,
at the worst,

00:48:25.750 --> 00:48:28.125
at the worst, and...

00:48:28.125 --> 00:48:30.917
♪

00:48:30.917 --> 00:48:32.125
I love you so much.

00:48:32.125 --> 00:48:34.750
-I love you too.
-Yeah.

00:48:34.750 --> 00:48:41.291
♪

00:48:41.291 --> 00:48:43.792
Pew, pew, pew, pew!

00:48:43.792 --> 00:48:45.291
(exclaims)

00:48:45.291 --> 00:48:46.417
♪

00:48:46.417 --> 00:48:49.041
There\'s Daddy,
right there.

00:48:49.041 --> 00:48:49.917
Daddy!

00:48:49.917 --> 00:48:52.583
Seeing them when
I walked down the escalator,

00:48:52.583 --> 00:48:54.000
I was the happiest guy alive.

00:48:54.000 --> 00:48:56.709
-Welcome home, sir.
-Hey, brother, welcome home.

00:48:56.709 --> 00:48:58.458
Welcome home, brother.

00:48:58.458 --> 00:48:59.792
Hi, honey.

00:48:59.792 --> 00:49:02.166
He\'s a beautiful dog.

00:49:02.792 --> 00:49:04.375
Make friends.

00:49:04.375 --> 00:49:05.583
(laughing)

00:49:05.583 --> 00:49:07.000
Make friends.

00:49:07.000 --> 00:49:08.959
Hi! Oh, good boy.

00:49:08.959 --> 00:49:10.500
Good boy--
oh, he nibbles.

00:49:10.500 --> 00:49:12.500
Hey, brother,
thanks for your service.

00:49:12.500 --> 00:49:14.250
Thank you, guys.

00:49:14.250 --> 00:49:15.792
Daddy, I missed you!

00:49:15.792 --> 00:49:18.000
I missed you, Bluebonnet.

00:49:18.000 --> 00:49:22.458
♪

00:49:22.458 --> 00:49:24.250
I\'ve been working
on this research

00:49:24.250 --> 00:49:25.792
for the past 10 years,

00:49:25.792 --> 00:49:27.917
and we\'ve learned a lot.

00:49:27.917 --> 00:49:28.959
For the first time,

00:49:28.959 --> 00:49:31.250
we\'re documenting
in a rigorous, scientific way

00:49:31.250 --> 00:49:33.458
how these dogs
can actually change

00:49:33.458 --> 00:49:34.875
the lives of the veterans.

00:49:34.875 --> 00:49:37.750
What we\'ve found is that
for the veterans with the dog,

00:49:37.750 --> 00:49:42.250
they had clinically lower levels
of PTSD symptomology.

00:49:42.250 --> 00:49:44.166
They had lower depression,

00:49:44.166 --> 00:49:45.375
lower anxiety,

00:49:45.375 --> 00:49:46.709
increased quality of life,

00:49:46.709 --> 00:49:48.959
increased ability
to participate socially

00:49:48.959 --> 00:49:50.041
outside of the house.

00:49:50.041 --> 00:49:53.000
The most science-y explanation
is that, um,

00:49:53.000 --> 00:49:54.458
when you look at your dog,

00:49:54.458 --> 00:49:57.959
it will release oxytocin
in your brain.

00:49:57.959 --> 00:50:00.125
I seriously do feel
like I felt almost

00:50:00.125 --> 00:50:04.083
a chemical reaction when
I first interacted with him,

00:50:04.083 --> 00:50:05.709
when he did that nudge on me.

00:50:05.709 --> 00:50:11.083
They smell the chemical changes
within your body naturally.

00:50:11.417 --> 00:50:12.709
They know before you know

00:50:12.709 --> 00:50:15.750
that something\'s getting ready
to happen to you.

00:50:15.750 --> 00:50:18.542
We do see that veterans
who have a service dog

00:50:18.542 --> 00:50:20.875
have lower rates
of medication use

00:50:20.875 --> 00:50:23.041
for things like depression
and anxiety.

00:50:23.041 --> 00:50:25.583
Also, some of the sleep
medications for nightmares

00:50:25.583 --> 00:50:28.041
are reduced
once they have the service dog.

00:50:28.041 --> 00:50:31.000
I\'m probably gonna be
on some level of therapy

00:50:31.000 --> 00:50:32.125
for the rest of my life.

00:50:32.125 --> 00:50:35.000
And my doctors love the fact
that I have a dog,

00:50:35.000 --> 00:50:42.291
and how it\'s so much easier
to cut back on medications

00:50:42.291 --> 00:50:46.041
because you have
something to focus on.

00:50:46.041 --> 00:50:47.250
It\'s by me to work out hard.

00:50:47.250 --> 00:50:52.375
When you have TBI or PTSD
and having a service animal,

00:50:52.375 --> 00:50:53.792
it is a good distraction.

00:50:53.792 --> 00:50:58.083
All I can focus on is
walking around with him.

00:50:58.083 --> 00:50:59.959
But I notice
that my brain

00:50:59.959 --> 00:51:03.083
would not let me have
the feelings that I wanted,

00:51:03.083 --> 00:51:07.709
and I didn\'t just attribute that
to having PTSD

00:51:07.709 --> 00:51:09.959
but also the TBI.

00:51:09.959 --> 00:51:14.208
What can cause a TBI in war
is an IED blast

00:51:14.208 --> 00:51:15.458
hitting a vehicle.

00:51:15.458 --> 00:51:19.083
Having migraines depends on
how hard your brain

00:51:19.083 --> 00:51:22.166
moved in your head,
it\'s how it\'s gonna affect you

00:51:22.166 --> 00:51:24.333
for the rest of your life.

00:51:24.333 --> 00:51:26.250
His short-term memory,

00:51:26.250 --> 00:51:27.291
he forgets everything

00:51:27.291 --> 00:51:29.041
and he just has
to deal with that.

00:51:29.041 --> 00:51:32.417
And I have to learn
how to cope with that every day.

00:51:33.041 --> 00:51:34.333
(indistinct remarks)

00:51:34.333 --> 00:51:37.542
He didn\'t choose
for this to happen to him.

00:51:38.083 --> 00:51:39.500
One thing, having Boothe,

00:51:39.500 --> 00:51:44.667
it went from three to four
migraines a week...

00:51:44.667 --> 00:51:45.917
Down.

00:51:45.917 --> 00:51:49.250
...to maybe one a month.

00:51:49.250 --> 00:51:52.000
♪

00:51:52.000 --> 00:51:55.000
Without Boothe,
I was just there.

00:51:55.000 --> 00:51:57.542
I didn\'t feel anything.

00:51:58.083 --> 00:51:59.208
Boothe, come!

00:51:59.208 --> 00:52:01.291
Having Boothe,
I don\'t have to worry

00:52:01.291 --> 00:52:04.250
about stressing all day,
every day.

00:52:04.250 --> 00:52:05.291
Uh-uh-uh-uh!
Uh-uh!

00:52:05.291 --> 00:52:08.667
Sometimes, you just need
somebody to listen to you.

00:52:08.667 --> 00:52:11.834
You don\'t always want
to have a conversation

00:52:11.834 --> 00:52:13.500
with someone.

00:52:13.500 --> 00:52:16.250
Anybody who\'s
had a service dog,

00:52:16.250 --> 00:52:19.667
they\'ll understand
that connection.

00:52:22.583 --> 00:52:24.083
Stay.

00:52:24.917 --> 00:52:26.792
Wait.

00:52:26.792 --> 00:52:28.417
Let\'s go.

00:52:28.417 --> 00:52:29.291
Val, turn around.

00:52:29.291 --> 00:52:31.917
Turn around,
turn around.

00:52:31.917 --> 00:52:33.166
Sit.

00:52:33.166 --> 00:52:34.125
Good boy.

00:52:34.125 --> 00:52:36.250
The transition
in the very beginning,

00:52:36.250 --> 00:52:38.291
when you bring the dog home,

00:52:38.291 --> 00:52:40.792
your life\'s upside down,
it\'s a 180.

00:52:40.792 --> 00:52:45.375
My life is not my own anymore,
it doesn\'t revolve around me.

00:52:46.000 --> 00:52:47.458
You\'re getting a dog?

00:52:47.458 --> 00:52:48.417
You\'re gonna play fetch.

00:52:48.417 --> 00:52:50.125
That\'s what we think
about a dog, right?

00:52:50.125 --> 00:52:52.709
But the thing about it is,
this is not a pet.

00:52:52.709 --> 00:52:55.792
This is a service dog,
it has a purpose.

00:52:55.792 --> 00:52:58.291
This dog has
a training schedule.

00:52:58.291 --> 00:53:00.709
It was a lot
of responsibility.

00:53:00.709 --> 00:53:03.125
I was overwhelmed,
really overwhelmed

00:53:03.125 --> 00:53:04.250
at the very beginning.

00:53:04.250 --> 00:53:08.125
And I started taking him out
an hour later here and there,

00:53:08.125 --> 00:53:09.542
my mom started pointing it out
to me already,

00:53:09.542 --> 00:53:12.667
I started kind of already
being a little sure,

00:53:12.667 --> 00:53:16.625
like, I had to force myself
to do things.

00:53:19.583 --> 00:53:23.750
I was so afraid
of Mako meeting Duke.

00:53:23.917 --> 00:53:27.792
Duke is extremely
territorial.

00:53:28.000 --> 00:53:29.542
I don\'t know
how he\'s going to react

00:53:29.542 --> 00:53:33.458
with another dog
coming into our lives.

00:53:40.458 --> 00:53:42.583
(barking, snarling)

00:53:42.583 --> 00:53:46.375
-No.
-Can you keep him restrained?

00:53:46.375 --> 00:53:47.250
Duke!

00:53:47.250 --> 00:53:50.250
Settle down,
settle down.

00:53:50.542 --> 00:53:53.333
-Duke...
-Be nice.

00:53:53.333 --> 00:53:57.917
It didn\'t go as smoothly
as I wanted it to.

00:53:57.917 --> 00:53:59.208
It\'s okay, buddy.

00:53:59.208 --> 00:54:03.417
Duke...
be nice, settle down.

00:54:03.417 --> 00:54:04.834
Mako...

00:54:04.834 --> 00:54:05.667
Uh-uh.

00:54:05.667 --> 00:54:07.959
Maybe we should go walk
a little bit.

00:54:07.959 --> 00:54:10.166
Okay, well,
we can do that.

00:54:10.166 --> 00:54:12.125
Mako...

00:54:12.125 --> 00:54:13.709
come here.

00:54:15.417 --> 00:54:18.417
Hopefully,
a walk together will, uh,

00:54:18.417 --> 00:54:20.625
get \'em used to each other.

00:54:20.625 --> 00:54:21.834
If he doesn\'t
get used to it,

00:54:21.834 --> 00:54:24.125
we\'re gonna have
to get rid of him.

00:54:24.125 --> 00:54:26.500
I don\'t want to get rid of him.

00:54:26.500 --> 00:54:27.875
I\'d be really sad.

00:54:27.875 --> 00:54:31.083
Tail\'s wagging,
so that\'s a good sign.

00:54:31.083 --> 00:54:32.458
I heard no growling.

00:54:32.458 --> 00:54:33.375
And there\'s no growling.

00:54:33.375 --> 00:54:36.458
The biggest test
is gonna be in the house.

00:54:40.959 --> 00:54:42.959
(dogs whining)

00:54:42.959 --> 00:54:44.750
They\'re just both wound up.

00:54:44.750 --> 00:54:48.333
Hopefully, they\'ll bond
and become good friends.

00:54:48.333 --> 00:54:49.750
Stay.

00:54:53.000 --> 00:54:59.667
♪

00:54:59.667 --> 00:55:04.291
People...people do some
awful things to each other

00:55:04.291 --> 00:55:05.208
over there.

00:55:05.208 --> 00:55:08.458
I have seen pictures
that I wish I could unsee.

00:55:08.458 --> 00:55:12.709
You hear about people
having their backs ironed

00:55:12.709 --> 00:55:15.792
and having their hands
attached to their heads,

00:55:15.792 --> 00:55:19.333
you know, and then
pushed into the Tigris River,

00:55:19.333 --> 00:55:21.959
still basically alive.

00:55:21.959 --> 00:55:23.875
♪

00:55:23.875 --> 00:55:29.208
You suddenly realize
that evil does exist,

00:55:29.208 --> 00:55:33.959
and an evil that is
far and above

00:55:33.959 --> 00:55:37.000
what I had ever realized.

00:55:37.208 --> 00:55:41.166
This was a moral wound.

00:55:41.417 --> 00:55:43.750
This was--
this was devastating,

00:55:43.750 --> 00:55:45.917
this was something that,

00:55:45.917 --> 00:55:48.917
it shocked me
to the core.

00:55:48.917 --> 00:55:52.250
I didn\'t believe I was part
of this human race.

00:55:52.250 --> 00:55:54.208
♪

00:55:54.208 --> 00:55:55.667
The insurgency was not Iraqi,

00:55:55.667 --> 00:55:57.500
they were coming in
from all over--

00:55:57.500 --> 00:56:00.166
Yemen, Afghanistan, Syria,

00:56:00.166 --> 00:56:01.417
waging jihad.

00:56:01.417 --> 00:56:06.500
And it was just beheadings
and guttings, and I was...

00:56:06.750 --> 00:56:08.250
...I was shaken.

00:56:08.250 --> 00:56:09.709
♪

00:56:09.709 --> 00:56:12.125
Raping my interpreters\' sisters

00:56:12.125 --> 00:56:14.000
and beheading them
and everything else,

00:56:14.000 --> 00:56:15.500
I had a problem with,

00:56:15.500 --> 00:56:17.000
and gutting them
and leaving them

00:56:17.000 --> 00:56:18.792
in the house to rot,

00:56:18.792 --> 00:56:19.917
and walking in on that,

00:56:19.917 --> 00:56:21.709
and shielding my men
from seeing that.

00:56:21.709 --> 00:56:23.917
That, I had a problem with.

00:56:23.917 --> 00:56:24.625
I was a father,

00:56:24.625 --> 00:56:26.166
I was a father
of a daughter,

00:56:26.166 --> 00:56:27.917
and when, you know,
when you walk in

00:56:27.917 --> 00:56:31.709
on a nine-year-old
and an eleven-year-old

00:56:31.709 --> 00:56:35.667
that were gang raped
and gutted,

00:56:35.667 --> 00:56:38.667
and the mother was beheaded
and gutted and raped,

00:56:38.667 --> 00:56:39.875
and the father and the son,

00:56:39.875 --> 00:56:45.667
father and son were, you know,
tortured and burned, and...

00:56:45.667 --> 00:56:48.500
it was just
an awful scene, and, uh,

00:56:48.500 --> 00:56:51.500
it was something that...

00:56:53.458 --> 00:56:55.875
...it wasn\'t combat.

00:56:58.333 --> 00:57:00.291
It wasn\'t combat.

00:57:00.291 --> 00:57:03.500
It wasn\'t--I don\'t know
what it was,

00:57:03.500 --> 00:57:05.583
it wasn\'t combat.

00:57:12.750 --> 00:57:15.208
(seagull crying)

00:57:15.208 --> 00:57:17.959
♪

00:57:17.959 --> 00:57:21.875
Suicide attempt,
it was five years ago.

00:57:21.875 --> 00:57:25.959
It was end of August
five years ago.

00:57:26.250 --> 00:57:28.500
Greg was in so much pain.

00:57:28.500 --> 00:57:32.959
I saw this pain
on his face, in his eyes.

00:57:32.959 --> 00:57:36.959
I was not comfortable
with that pain any longer.

00:57:36.959 --> 00:57:40.000
That morning, I just
opened up a bottle

00:57:40.000 --> 00:57:42.542
of 80 milligram
OxyContin that I had.

00:57:42.542 --> 00:57:46.542
I had a couple bottles
of this Polish 193-proof

00:57:46.542 --> 00:57:48.500
grain alcohol...

00:57:48.667 --> 00:57:51.041
...and I took about 50 pills

00:57:51.041 --> 00:57:52.542
about six in the morning,

00:57:52.542 --> 00:57:56.792
I started drinking that liter
of that grain alcohol.

00:57:56.792 --> 00:57:58.250
About nine o\'clock
in the morning,

00:57:58.250 --> 00:57:59.875
I waited till my doctors
came into the office

00:57:59.875 --> 00:58:03.083
and I called them
to tell them not to...

00:58:03.083 --> 00:58:07.709
...take it personally,
but they did all they could.

00:58:08.667 --> 00:58:12.458
I went into a coma for 19 days.

00:58:12.458 --> 00:58:13.917
♪

00:58:13.917 --> 00:58:15.834
At the time,
it was kept from me,

00:58:15.834 --> 00:58:17.500
which I\'m not very happy about,

00:58:17.500 --> 00:58:20.166
because I would
have liked to know

00:58:20.166 --> 00:58:23.917
what was happening
to my father.

00:58:23.917 --> 00:58:30.917
♪

00:58:30.917 --> 00:58:33.917
There\'s another
invisible injury...

00:58:33.917 --> 00:58:36.959
...and if you\'re comfortable,
tell me what it is

00:58:36.959 --> 00:58:38.625
and what you think about it,

00:58:38.625 --> 00:58:40.792
and it\'s moral injury.

00:58:53.583 --> 00:58:58.417
Moral injury is a concept
that I was introduced to

00:58:58.417 --> 00:59:01.125
about two or three years ago...

00:59:01.959 --> 00:59:05.458
...that I\'m still
processing today.

00:59:08.083 --> 00:59:11.125
It\'s part of the explanation
for why you feel

00:59:11.125 --> 00:59:19.208
so much self-loathing
and contempt for yourself...

00:59:21.041 --> 00:59:23.834
...that it physically hurts.

00:59:23.834 --> 00:59:28.208
When we\'re not given
genuinely moral and just

00:59:28.208 --> 00:59:31.583
and utterly necessary
missions and causes

00:59:31.583 --> 00:59:33.417
and use violence
for any other purpose,

00:59:33.417 --> 00:59:38.625
we will feel shame and guilt
from behaving immorally,

00:59:38.625 --> 00:59:41.083
and now, today,
we\'re calling that

00:59:41.083 --> 00:59:41.917
moral injury.

00:59:41.917 --> 00:59:44.667
Moral injury is when
there\'s a disconnect

00:59:44.667 --> 00:59:49.750
between what you believe
and what you hold sacred

00:59:49.750 --> 00:59:54.125
and what you are asked to do.

00:59:54.583 --> 00:59:56.542
I thought I was doing
one thing,

00:59:56.542 --> 00:59:58.458
and it turned out
I was doing something

00:59:58.458 --> 00:59:59.542
completely different.

00:59:59.542 --> 01:00:04.000
Sylvia Bowersox,
US Army, served in Iraq.

01:00:04.000 --> 01:00:08.208
(applause)

01:00:09.208 --> 01:00:12.834
Hello, everyone, thank you
so much for being here.

01:00:12.834 --> 01:00:15.458
Gimme a second
to park the dog.

01:00:15.458 --> 01:00:16.333
Down.

01:00:16.333 --> 01:00:18.125
I wanted
to help make the world

01:00:18.125 --> 01:00:19.208
free for democracy.

01:00:19.208 --> 01:00:21.834
I wanted the world to be
safer for my son.

01:00:21.834 --> 01:00:23.125
I want it to be
a better place.

01:00:23.125 --> 01:00:27.458
It\'s called,
\"This War Can\'t Be All Bad.\"

01:00:27.667 --> 01:00:29.333
This war can\'t be all bad.

01:00:29.333 --> 01:00:32.917
We sit by the pool behind
Saddam\'s presidential palace

01:00:32.917 --> 01:00:35.792
after work
and smoke cigarettes.

01:00:35.792 --> 01:00:37.500
I wanted my little piece,

01:00:37.500 --> 01:00:39.166
my little piece
of the war,

01:00:39.166 --> 01:00:41.917
to be that little piece
that worked

01:00:41.917 --> 01:00:42.917
with the other little piece

01:00:42.917 --> 01:00:44.333
that worked
with the other little piece

01:00:44.333 --> 01:00:46.375
that actually
made a difference.

01:00:46.375 --> 01:00:49.125
And then, Iraq will live
in your dreams

01:00:49.125 --> 01:00:52.208
and be the most exciting,
horrible thing

01:00:52.208 --> 01:00:54.750
to ever take over your life.

01:00:54.750 --> 01:00:56.834
It doesn\'t take much
to realize

01:00:56.834 --> 01:01:02.125
that what I did
didn\'t make things any better.

01:01:02.125 --> 01:01:04.417
And that\'s so difficult
to live with.

01:01:04.417 --> 01:01:06.625
Then you will have
the right to declare

01:01:06.625 --> 01:01:08.333
with a clear conscience...

01:01:08.333 --> 01:01:12.625
The origin of Greek tragedy
was warrior purification.

01:01:12.625 --> 01:01:14.375
...under the eyes
of the global war on terror...

01:01:14.375 --> 01:01:16.875
Aeschylus,
Sophocles, and Euripides

01:01:16.875 --> 01:01:17.959
were all warriors.

01:01:17.959 --> 01:01:21.458
They wrote the tragedies
as public rituals...

01:01:21.458 --> 01:01:23.166
This war can\'t be all bad.

01:01:23.166 --> 01:01:27.041
...allowing catharsis
of the stored-up emotions

01:01:27.041 --> 01:01:29.875
left over from
the war experience.

01:01:29.875 --> 01:01:32.875
The entire society
could have a catharsis

01:01:32.875 --> 01:01:35.250
during the performance.

01:01:36.792 --> 01:01:39.792
(lapping water)

01:01:48.166 --> 01:01:50.041
Hm.

01:01:51.625 --> 01:01:54.500
Walking on the street--85.

01:01:56.250 --> 01:01:59.333
Driving during the day--85.

01:01:59.500 --> 01:02:02.583
Driving at night--85.

01:02:02.583 --> 01:02:05.250
Beginning of the beach--80.

01:02:05.250 --> 01:02:08.291
I\'m not going to live
200 yards from an oceanside

01:02:08.291 --> 01:02:11.083
and not go to the beach.

01:02:11.083 --> 01:02:12.917
Hell no.

01:02:12.917 --> 01:02:15.125
♪

01:02:15.125 --> 01:02:17.125
The exercises
that I\'ve been doing

01:02:17.125 --> 01:02:18.333
with going to the beach,

01:02:18.333 --> 01:02:20.625
I decided to do a lot of \'em
on my own,

01:02:20.625 --> 01:02:22.542
without Val,
without the dog.

01:02:22.542 --> 01:02:24.875
I was concerned
with the fact that

01:02:24.875 --> 01:02:26.166
I have a setback
or something

01:02:26.166 --> 01:02:29.166
and I\'m not able to do them
without Valor.

01:02:29.166 --> 01:02:30.792
Whatever exercises
I\'m doing,

01:02:30.792 --> 01:02:32.500
I wanna do all of them
on my own first

01:02:32.500 --> 01:02:36.166
and then bring the dog in,
just to reinforce.

01:02:36.166 --> 01:02:38.208
♪

01:02:38.208 --> 01:02:41.959
The way it\'s laid out
is that my community ends

01:02:41.959 --> 01:02:43.417
with a sidewalk,

01:02:43.417 --> 01:02:47.834
and it\'s divided
by a two-lane road,

01:02:47.834 --> 01:02:49.750
then there\'s another sidewalk.

01:02:49.750 --> 01:02:53.625
So I started on the sidewalk
on the side of the community,

01:02:53.625 --> 01:02:56.083
I did that for a few months.

01:02:56.792 --> 01:02:59.834
Then I crossed
over the street...

01:02:59.834 --> 01:03:02.375
...and was on the side
of the beach,

01:03:02.375 --> 01:03:03.709
on the sidewalk.

01:03:03.709 --> 01:03:06.583
I recently finished that
about a month ago.

01:03:06.583 --> 01:03:09.375
♪

01:03:09.375 --> 01:03:11.000
Right at this time,

01:03:11.000 --> 01:03:13.834
I\'m between
the beach-side sidewalk

01:03:13.834 --> 01:03:18.291
and the boardwalk,
in the middle on the sand.

01:03:18.291 --> 01:03:21.875
♪

01:03:21.875 --> 01:03:24.542
Can\'t really see
the beach yet

01:03:24.542 --> 01:03:26.667
over the boardwalk.

01:03:27.333 --> 01:03:29.750
(engine drones)

01:03:29.750 --> 01:03:33.000
♪

01:03:33.000 --> 01:03:36.917
My psychologist,
she asked me to take notes...

01:03:37.792 --> 01:03:39.750
...to write down the thoughts,

01:03:39.750 --> 01:03:43.208
like being exposed,
being vulnerable,

01:03:43.208 --> 01:03:46.458
being in danger
or being shot.

01:03:46.458 --> 01:03:48.834
She asked me
a point-blank question:

01:03:48.834 --> 01:03:51.375
\"This week, how many times
did you do it this week?\"

01:03:51.375 --> 01:03:53.208
I said,
\"Every day of the week.\"

01:03:53.208 --> 01:03:54.250
\"Okay,\" she goes.

01:03:54.250 --> 01:03:56.792
\"How many times
did you get shot?\"

01:03:56.792 --> 01:03:58.166
I said, \"I didn\'t get shot
any times.\"

01:03:58.166 --> 01:04:02.291
So I said, \"Seven days,
I didn\'t get shot once.\"

01:04:02.291 --> 01:04:05.250
\"Do you think it\'s safe
and probable to say

01:04:05.250 --> 01:04:09.125
that you probably don\'t have
a target on your back?\"

01:04:10.875 --> 01:04:12.917
You know, it\'s something
that you live with

01:04:12.917 --> 01:04:14.542
for a long time.

01:04:14.542 --> 01:04:16.041
It doesn\'t happen overnight,

01:04:16.041 --> 01:04:18.375
it\'s a repetitious process.

01:04:21.875 --> 01:04:24.125
♪

01:04:24.125 --> 01:04:26.917
I would deploy again
if they would let me.

01:04:26.917 --> 01:04:30.500
I would absolutely
go and do my job again

01:04:30.500 --> 01:04:32.250
if they would let me.

01:04:32.250 --> 01:04:34.834
I\'d go back
and do it all again,

01:04:34.834 --> 01:04:37.500
because it\'s made me
who I am today.

01:04:37.500 --> 01:04:39.917
I was able to lead Marines,
you know?

01:04:39.917 --> 01:04:42.917
And how many people
get to say

01:04:42.917 --> 01:04:44.750
they were able
to lead Marines?

01:04:44.750 --> 01:04:50.333
The draw to come back
for me was

01:04:50.333 --> 01:04:55.166
I was necessary in Iraq.

01:04:55.166 --> 01:04:57.208
I was valuable.

01:04:57.208 --> 01:04:59.542
I knew what I was doing.

01:04:59.542 --> 01:05:00.291
I had a purpose.

01:05:00.291 --> 01:05:03.709
I\'d rather be in the war zone
with my battle buddies,

01:05:03.709 --> 01:05:04.875
knowing my purpose,

01:05:04.875 --> 01:05:06.542
than be here,
lost in America,

01:05:06.542 --> 01:05:09.792
in a country that\'s lost
its values and its bearings.

01:05:09.792 --> 01:05:13.041
Like, there is no feeling
like it in the world.

01:05:13.041 --> 01:05:16.750
You try to relate that,
you know,

01:05:16.750 --> 01:05:19.291
relate a drug high
from a crackhead

01:05:19.291 --> 01:05:20.750
or a methamphetamine user,

01:05:20.750 --> 01:05:24.083
there is no high
like the high of combat

01:05:24.083 --> 01:05:25.250
with your brothers.

01:05:25.250 --> 01:05:27.500
Would you rather
go stock shelves

01:05:27.500 --> 01:05:28.208
in a grocery,

01:05:28.208 --> 01:05:30.083
rather than walk down
the street of Baghdad

01:05:30.083 --> 01:05:35.250
with four or five other men
who are all armed to the teeth?

01:05:35.250 --> 01:05:37.333
Which would be
most important to you

01:05:37.333 --> 01:05:39.917
as a 19-, 20-year-old?

01:05:39.917 --> 01:05:41.834
I mean,
there\'s no choice there.

01:05:41.834 --> 01:05:43.709
I love being a Marine.

01:05:43.709 --> 01:05:46.500
I would absolutely,
regardless of,

01:05:46.500 --> 01:05:48.500
even though
what happened happened,

01:05:48.500 --> 01:05:51.375
100 percent,
I would do it again.

01:05:52.375 --> 01:05:54.875
I hate the way
that it changed my life,

01:05:54.875 --> 01:05:56.959
that it\'s really
been a struggle.

01:05:56.959 --> 01:05:58.500
I struggle every day still,

01:05:58.500 --> 01:06:04.583
but I\'d do it again,
if I could help other people.

01:06:05.208 --> 01:06:06.875
(whimpering)

01:06:06.875 --> 01:06:08.417
You know, yeah.

01:06:08.417 --> 01:06:11.166
I think what you have
to understand about guys like us

01:06:11.166 --> 01:06:13.834
that would do it all again is,

01:06:13.834 --> 01:06:15.542
we\'re not doing it
for America,

01:06:15.542 --> 01:06:17.750
we\'re doing it for each other.

01:06:17.750 --> 01:06:21.291
♪

01:06:21.291 --> 01:06:24.417
I came to Lubbock
to be closer to my mom

01:06:24.417 --> 01:06:26.834
and my brother,
my sisters.

01:06:26.834 --> 01:06:31.250
They\'ve noticed a big change
with me having Boothe.

01:06:32.000 --> 01:06:32.750
I want emotions.

01:06:32.750 --> 01:06:35.333
I want to laugh,
I want to be sad.

01:06:35.333 --> 01:06:37.834
I wanna cry sometimes,
you know?

01:06:37.834 --> 01:06:41.291
You know, where\'s that one at?
I wanna cry.

01:06:42.417 --> 01:06:44.792
There\'s times when
I don\'t listen to Boothe

01:06:44.792 --> 01:06:46.208
when I should.

01:06:46.208 --> 01:06:47.083
I\'m not perfect.

01:06:47.083 --> 01:06:49.000
There\'s times when I\'m like,
\"Man,

01:06:49.000 --> 01:06:51.041
I don\'t need no dog.\"

01:06:52.750 --> 01:06:54.333
I still have pride.

01:06:54.333 --> 01:06:58.250
I\'ve been a sergeant,
I\'ve been a leader.

01:06:58.458 --> 01:07:01.417
I\'ve had friends say,
\"Is he an emotional dog?

01:07:01.417 --> 01:07:02.208
You okay?\"

01:07:02.208 --> 01:07:06.583
And then I have to let \'em know
he\'s not just an emotional dog.

01:07:06.583 --> 01:07:08.375
He\'s so much more.

01:07:08.375 --> 01:07:12.166
I noticed
that I can stay calmer,

01:07:12.166 --> 01:07:13.667
I can put all my feelings
into the dog

01:07:13.667 --> 01:07:17.750
instead of putting my emotions
into everything else.

01:07:17.875 --> 01:07:23.166
Maybe Boothe just knows
that something\'s not right.

01:07:23.166 --> 01:07:24.709
And sometimes,
I don\'t even know

01:07:24.709 --> 01:07:26.083
that something\'s not right,

01:07:26.083 --> 01:07:28.667
but I think Boothe knows.

01:07:28.792 --> 01:07:31.083
I still pay attention
to things.

01:07:31.083 --> 01:07:34.083
I\'m being very vigilant
on things a lot.

01:07:34.083 --> 01:07:37.417
I don\'t think
that will ever go away.

01:07:37.417 --> 01:07:40.375
But not as much.

01:07:41.041 --> 01:07:43.458
My life has gotten
a lot better.

01:07:43.458 --> 01:07:45.125
Did you like the chili?

01:07:45.125 --> 01:07:47.959
I smile more
than I ever have

01:07:47.959 --> 01:07:50.083
before the military.

01:07:51.834 --> 01:07:55.542
Major change has been
the schedule,

01:07:55.542 --> 01:07:58.041
the daily routine
and everything else.

01:07:58.041 --> 01:07:59.875
It kinda flows
with the schedule

01:07:59.875 --> 01:08:02.375
that I had in the military,
my unit,

01:08:02.375 --> 01:08:04.000
and it\'s perfect for me.

01:08:04.000 --> 01:08:05.500
Valor, wait.

01:08:05.500 --> 01:08:07.875
I\'m out walking him
three, four times a day

01:08:07.875 --> 01:08:09.542
for half an hour.

01:08:09.542 --> 01:08:11.125
Go through.

01:08:11.792 --> 01:08:12.917
Go to the dog park.

01:08:12.917 --> 01:08:14.208
Most of the time,
I go for an hour

01:08:14.208 --> 01:08:17.750
and I wind up staying for two,
two and a half hours.

01:08:17.750 --> 01:08:19.166
Good boy!

01:08:19.166 --> 01:08:19.667
Come on!

01:08:19.667 --> 01:08:22.875
Get the ball, get the ball,
get the ball, get the ball!

01:08:22.875 --> 01:08:26.625
♪

01:08:26.625 --> 01:08:28.834
The dog park\'s divided
into three major parts.

01:08:28.834 --> 01:08:30.041
It has two smaller dog parks

01:08:30.041 --> 01:08:33.125
that you could
fence yourself off in.

01:08:33.125 --> 01:08:33.417
When I brought him in,

01:08:33.417 --> 01:08:37.083
he took off into the major part
where all the dogs were

01:08:37.083 --> 01:08:39.625
and he started
playing with other dogs.

01:08:39.625 --> 01:08:41.083
(barking)

01:08:41.083 --> 01:08:42.709
So I had to go make sure
that he was okay,

01:08:42.709 --> 01:08:45.000
so when I went over,
the other people were there,

01:08:45.000 --> 01:08:47.000
and they started
engaging me,

01:08:47.000 --> 01:08:49.542
and the beginning
was really hard.

01:08:49.542 --> 01:08:52.417
And then after a while,
we started talking,

01:08:52.417 --> 01:08:54.458
and I can explain to people

01:08:54.458 --> 01:08:56.417
not to feel that
I\'m being rude

01:08:56.417 --> 01:08:57.375
or anything like that,

01:08:57.375 --> 01:08:59.667
it\'s just that I have
a little bit of a reservation

01:08:59.667 --> 01:09:01.375
and kind of explain
my situation.

01:09:01.375 --> 01:09:03.417
They were really welcoming
and they understood,

01:09:03.417 --> 01:09:06.667
and it was really nice
to see that.

01:09:06.667 --> 01:09:08.917
(barking)

01:09:08.917 --> 01:09:13.291
So he broke the ice,
and I feel safe there.

01:09:15.417 --> 01:09:17.083
Family members often say,

01:09:17.083 --> 01:09:19.166
\"Can\'t you give me back
the son or the daughter,

01:09:19.166 --> 01:09:21.375
the husband or the wife
that I sent off

01:09:21.375 --> 01:09:22.959
into the military?\"

01:09:22.959 --> 01:09:23.792
Veterans will ask,

01:09:23.792 --> 01:09:27.291
\"Can you help me become
the young man or young woman

01:09:27.291 --> 01:09:29.125
I was before I ever served?\"

01:09:29.125 --> 01:09:32.959
And tragically
and also blessedly,

01:09:32.959 --> 01:09:33.792
the answer\'s no.

01:09:33.792 --> 01:09:35.834
Military service
and the combat experience

01:09:35.834 --> 01:09:39.667
are one-way journeys
that transform us forever.

01:09:39.667 --> 01:09:41.917
After the 200th time
someone has thanked you

01:09:41.917 --> 01:09:43.542
for your service,

01:09:43.542 --> 01:09:44.583
you\'re just kinda like,

01:09:44.583 --> 01:09:46.750
\"But you don\'t know
what I did.

01:09:46.750 --> 01:09:47.959
Come back,
talk to me.

01:09:47.959 --> 01:09:53.000
Ask me about what I did,
I want to tell you!\"

01:09:53.375 --> 01:09:54.834
Yes you are,
you\'re gonna bring back

01:09:54.834 --> 01:09:56.917
what I throw at ya.

01:09:56.917 --> 01:10:01.667
PTSD impacts
every aspect of my life.

01:10:01.667 --> 01:10:02.917
It\'s warmer today.

01:10:02.917 --> 01:10:08.500
It has oozed over
into everything.

01:10:10.083 --> 01:10:12.792
I\'m learning how to handle it.

01:10:12.792 --> 01:10:14.542
There are days
when I\'m like,

01:10:14.542 --> 01:10:16.583
\"Hey, I\'m doing fine.\"

01:10:16.583 --> 01:10:17.959
And then someone
yells at me

01:10:17.959 --> 01:10:19.750
from across a store, you know?

01:10:19.750 --> 01:10:21.333
\"Are you training him?\"

01:10:21.333 --> 01:10:22.375
And I\'m shaking.

01:10:22.375 --> 01:10:25.709
And I, you know,
slink out or run

01:10:25.709 --> 01:10:27.709
or grab my dog.

01:10:29.959 --> 01:10:32.000
He\'s the first line of defense

01:10:32.000 --> 01:10:37.458
when I\'m doing well
and when I\'m not doing so well.

01:10:37.458 --> 01:10:39.250
Oh, yum, thanks.

01:10:39.250 --> 01:10:40.875
You\'re welcome, enjoy.

01:10:40.875 --> 01:10:42.000
Thanks.

01:10:42.000 --> 01:10:43.041
He doesn\'t judge,

01:10:43.041 --> 01:10:48.875
and I can spend the whole day
in my pajamas, crying,

01:10:48.875 --> 01:10:52.000
and he finds that just fine.

01:10:53.125 --> 01:10:55.625
(laughing)
Wee!

01:10:57.917 --> 01:10:59.125
You\'re wonderful,

01:10:59.125 --> 01:11:01.417
and I love you very much.

01:11:01.417 --> 01:11:02.959
Be careful!

01:11:03.750 --> 01:11:06.750
(engine droning)

01:11:08.041 --> 01:11:09.917
Trucks are loud.

01:11:09.917 --> 01:11:13.041
(brakes squealing)

01:11:14.125 --> 01:11:18.542
(machinery whirring)

01:11:26.083 --> 01:11:28.333
That was loud.

01:11:28.750 --> 01:11:31.709
But it\'s okay, I\'m okay.

01:11:31.709 --> 01:11:32.834
You were with me, I\'m okay.

01:11:32.834 --> 01:11:37.875
I am getting better, but
I think getting better for me

01:11:37.875 --> 01:11:40.583
is a little bit like grief.

01:11:40.792 --> 01:11:44.458
You never really
get rid of grief,

01:11:44.458 --> 01:11:46.291
you just handle it better.

01:11:46.291 --> 01:11:48.458
So whaddya think?

01:11:48.458 --> 01:11:49.709
You sweet thing.

01:11:49.709 --> 01:11:52.667
And I think
that\'s what\'s happening for me.

01:11:52.667 --> 01:11:56.250
I\'m learning
how to handle it better.

01:11:57.166 --> 01:11:58.542
Oh!

01:12:06.458 --> 01:12:09.834
(music plays over store PA)

01:12:09.834 --> 01:12:13.208
For the first time
in a very, very long time,

01:12:13.208 --> 01:12:14.959
I can actually
walk around people

01:12:14.959 --> 01:12:19.417
without checking every exit
500 times...

01:12:19.417 --> 01:12:20.417
We\'re good, buddy.

01:12:20.417 --> 01:12:22.125
...or looking someone
up and down

01:12:22.125 --> 01:12:23.458
to see if they have a weapon.

01:12:23.458 --> 01:12:24.625
How you doing today, sir?

01:12:24.625 --> 01:12:27.208
-I\'m good, how are you?
-I\'m doing good, sir, thank you.

01:12:27.208 --> 01:12:28.417
That\'s a good boy, Mako.

01:12:28.417 --> 01:12:30.834
Oh, there\'s your section,
buddy.

01:12:30.834 --> 01:12:33.291
Whoa! Look at that!

01:12:33.291 --> 01:12:35.750
That is a big bone.

01:12:35.750 --> 01:12:36.667
What do you think?

01:12:36.667 --> 01:12:41.041
My son would like
to ask him something.

01:12:41.041 --> 01:12:41.834
What?

01:12:41.834 --> 01:12:43.208
Would you like
to pet the dog?

01:12:43.208 --> 01:12:44.417
Do you want to pet the dog?

01:12:44.417 --> 01:12:46.291
-Yeah.
-Yeah? C\'mere, Mako.

01:12:46.291 --> 01:12:47.667
(clucking to dog)

01:12:47.667 --> 01:12:49.083
Come here.

01:12:49.083 --> 01:12:50.500
Sit.

01:12:50.500 --> 01:12:54.000
-Wanna try?
-Make friends.

01:12:54.000 --> 01:12:56.542
Oh, we got kisses!

01:12:56.542 --> 01:12:58.083
Can you say,
\"Thank you so much\"?

01:12:58.083 --> 01:13:01.041
-Thank you so much.
-You\'re very welcome.

01:13:01.041 --> 01:13:02.542
Bye-bye!

01:13:02.542 --> 01:13:04.125
Bye.

01:13:04.125 --> 01:13:06.333
That\'s a good boy.

01:13:06.333 --> 01:13:08.041
Good boy!

01:13:08.041 --> 01:13:09.750
Okay.

01:13:11.834 --> 01:13:13.834
All right, buddy.

01:13:14.083 --> 01:13:16.625
Ready to do some training, huh?

01:13:17.375 --> 01:13:20.333
(Mako whimpers
as distant dog barks)

01:13:20.333 --> 01:13:22.000
Uh-uh.

01:13:22.166 --> 01:13:24.583
(dog barks)

01:13:24.583 --> 01:13:27.000
Uh-uh, uh-uh.

01:13:27.000 --> 01:13:28.083
Down.

01:13:28.083 --> 01:13:30.417
I know, baby, I know.

01:13:30.417 --> 01:13:33.208
That\'s why I take you here,
buddy.

01:13:33.208 --> 01:13:35.709
So many distractions, okay?

01:13:35.709 --> 01:13:38.917
I know, I know.

01:13:39.333 --> 01:13:41.792
Yes, Mako, good boy.

01:13:41.792 --> 01:13:43.583
Yes, baby.

01:13:44.583 --> 01:13:48.583
(distant dogs barks)

01:13:48.583 --> 01:13:50.083
Stay.

01:13:50.083 --> 01:13:59.709
♪

01:13:59.709 --> 01:14:01.583
Yes, Mako.

01:14:01.583 --> 01:14:03.500
♪

01:14:03.500 --> 01:14:04.959
It might sound crazy,

01:14:04.959 --> 01:14:08.458
but I love him
like a brother.

01:14:08.458 --> 01:14:09.917
Stay.

01:14:10.500 --> 01:14:12.583
He\'s my everything.

01:14:12.583 --> 01:14:14.750
♪

01:14:14.750 --> 01:14:16.250
There\'s no cure for PTSD,

01:14:16.250 --> 01:14:21.166
but he has definitely
lightened it.

01:14:21.959 --> 01:14:23.083
Good boy.

01:14:23.083 --> 01:14:25.375
(school bell rings)

01:14:25.375 --> 01:14:28.875
♪

01:14:28.875 --> 01:14:29.834
That is so awesome,

01:14:29.834 --> 01:14:31.667
to be able to stand
with everybody else

01:14:31.667 --> 01:14:37.125
without fear or anxiety
or pressure.

01:14:37.125 --> 01:14:39.792
I wouldn\'t be
sitting here right now

01:14:39.792 --> 01:14:40.750
if it wasn\'t for Mako.

01:14:40.750 --> 01:14:43.542
I\'d be way back there
on the fence,

01:14:43.542 --> 01:14:46.500
as far away from people
as I could be.

01:14:46.500 --> 01:14:48.333
(indistinct chatter)

01:14:48.333 --> 01:14:50.583
I like waiting
for my daughter where

01:14:50.583 --> 01:14:52.208
I\'m the first thing
that she sees

01:14:52.208 --> 01:14:54.500
when she comes
out of the door.

01:14:54.500 --> 01:14:57.709
♪

01:14:57.709 --> 01:14:59.709
Good boy, yes, stay.

01:14:59.709 --> 01:15:01.959
♪

01:15:01.959 --> 01:15:03.500
Aww!

01:15:03.500 --> 01:15:05.792
That hurt like hell,
but it was worth it.

01:15:05.792 --> 01:15:08.083
(giggling)

01:15:08.083 --> 01:15:09.709
-Mwah!
-I love you.

01:15:09.709 --> 01:15:11.417
I love you.

01:15:11.667 --> 01:15:14.000
So you moved your clip up.

01:15:14.000 --> 01:15:16.000
That\'s awesome.

01:15:16.625 --> 01:15:18.625
You guys do math today?

01:15:18.625 --> 01:15:19.834
-Yep.
-Yeah?

01:15:19.834 --> 01:15:21.458
We\'re learning about time.

01:15:21.458 --> 01:15:23.834
-Time?
-Time.

01:15:23.834 --> 01:15:29.375
♪

01:15:29.375 --> 01:15:30.583
My life was very small.

01:15:30.583 --> 01:15:35.375
It was very constricted
by paranoia and fear.

01:15:35.625 --> 01:15:38.542
It was emotionally paralyzing.

01:15:38.542 --> 01:15:40.375
I could be a victim
and say wah-wah-wah

01:15:40.375 --> 01:15:45.125
and spend the rest of my life
being a PTSD victim.

01:15:45.125 --> 01:15:47.542
But I don\'t think
I could be the person

01:15:47.542 --> 01:15:48.834
that I am right now

01:15:48.834 --> 01:15:51.417
if I didn\'t go through
what I went through,

01:15:51.417 --> 01:15:53.834
and if I didn\'t embrace it.

01:15:53.834 --> 01:15:57.333
♪

01:15:57.333 --> 01:15:58.834
PTSD is a life\'s work.

01:15:58.834 --> 01:16:01.750
It\'s gonna be
an ongoing process.

01:16:01.750 --> 01:16:04.917
Come here, up.

01:16:05.041 --> 01:16:07.375
The thing about PTSD is that

01:16:07.375 --> 01:16:09.208
you need to keep reading
the symptoms.

01:16:09.208 --> 01:16:11.792
The symptoms are a road map.

01:16:11.792 --> 01:16:13.542
If you\'re having flashbacks,

01:16:13.542 --> 01:16:15.166
if you\'re having nightmares,

01:16:15.166 --> 01:16:19.208
most of these experiences
come from the perspective that

01:16:19.208 --> 01:16:23.375
you care for others as much
as you care for yourself,

01:16:23.375 --> 01:16:25.208
and that\'s where
all the emotions come in,

01:16:25.208 --> 01:16:28.000
and that\'s where
all the anger and pain

01:16:28.000 --> 01:16:28.709
comes in later,

01:16:28.709 --> 01:16:30.375
from the losses
and everything else.

01:16:30.375 --> 01:16:32.333
And now,
from that growth,

01:16:32.333 --> 01:16:34.125
when PTSD comes in,

01:16:34.125 --> 01:16:36.583
you learn more
about yourself.

01:16:36.583 --> 01:16:40.959
A soldier\'s greatest asset
is his skill set.

01:16:40.959 --> 01:16:42.792
And his skill set
is worthless

01:16:42.792 --> 01:16:44.625
when he\'s not able
to pass it on

01:16:44.625 --> 01:16:46.542
to other soldiers.

01:16:46.542 --> 01:16:49.417
And it\'s the same thing
with this.

01:16:49.417 --> 01:16:50.709
Just like in the military,

01:16:50.709 --> 01:16:54.000
leave no man behind,
just take care of others.

01:16:54.000 --> 01:16:56.208
♪

01:16:56.208 --> 01:16:57.125
I\'m a healer now.

01:16:57.125 --> 01:16:58.667
People have given me
the opportunity

01:16:58.667 --> 01:17:01.333
to heal myself
and to grow.

01:17:01.333 --> 01:17:02.709
They\'re putting stock in me.

01:17:02.709 --> 01:17:03.792
Where you been, man?

01:17:03.792 --> 01:17:05.500
You see how he came right to me?

01:17:05.500 --> 01:17:06.709
I really get
a lot of pleasure

01:17:06.709 --> 01:17:09.709
out of helping the guys
at the VA when I go over.

01:17:09.709 --> 01:17:10.667
Everybody likes you.

01:17:10.667 --> 01:17:12.291
They don\'t know you,
they like you.

01:17:12.291 --> 01:17:15.166
I get to get involved
with new guys.

01:17:15.166 --> 01:17:15.959
Love you, brother.

01:17:15.959 --> 01:17:17.917
No tongue, no tongue,
no tongue.

01:17:17.917 --> 01:17:18.333
(laughter)

01:17:18.333 --> 01:17:21.333
I really enjoy
passing it on.

01:17:21.333 --> 01:17:24.458
There\'s a lot of guys
coming in right now.

01:17:24.458 --> 01:17:27.750
♪

01:17:27.750 --> 01:17:30.458
I\'ve already talked
to my doctor about

01:17:30.458 --> 01:17:33.000
reducing my pain medication.

01:17:33.000 --> 01:17:37.250
He\'s okay
to go ahead and try it.

01:17:37.792 --> 01:17:40.792
I know some of \'em
I won\'t be able to get rid of.

01:17:40.792 --> 01:17:42.917
-Hi.
-Hi, baby.

01:17:42.917 --> 01:17:45.291
-How was work?
-Oh, busy.

01:17:45.291 --> 01:17:46.709
Yeah?

01:17:47.542 --> 01:17:48.375
Mm!

01:17:48.375 --> 01:17:50.500
You smell like a sandwich.

01:17:50.500 --> 01:17:52.625
I don\'t know if that\'s
complimentary or not.

01:17:52.625 --> 01:17:54.333
Yes it is.

01:17:56.250 --> 01:17:57.083
Uh-uh.

01:17:57.083 --> 01:18:00.083
There are times
when I still get anxious,

01:18:00.083 --> 01:18:03.625
but it\'s nothing
near what it was.

01:18:03.875 --> 01:18:05.250
I know you wanna lead.

01:18:05.250 --> 01:18:08.166
No, uh-uh--heel, bud.

01:18:08.166 --> 01:18:09.166
Yes, good boy.

01:18:09.166 --> 01:18:12.583
The bond gets stronger
day by day.

01:18:12.583 --> 01:18:14.750
♪

01:18:14.750 --> 01:18:17.083
It\'s like a bond
with your wife

01:18:17.083 --> 01:18:21.166
or with your best friend.

01:18:21.625 --> 01:18:24.834
It\'s--it grows
every single day.

01:18:24.834 --> 01:18:26.750
♪

01:18:26.750 --> 01:18:28.166
Good boy.

01:18:28.166 --> 01:18:29.834
Yes, Mako, yes.

01:18:29.834 --> 01:18:47.625
♪

01:18:47.625 --> 01:18:50.333
(deep exhalation)

01:18:50.333 --> 01:18:51.792
It cost me relationships,

01:18:51.792 --> 01:18:53.542
it cost me love.

01:18:53.542 --> 01:18:54.583
It cost me my friends,

01:18:54.583 --> 01:18:56.959
it cost me my family.

01:18:57.250 --> 01:18:59.375
Almost going to jail,

01:18:59.375 --> 01:19:02.500
almost wanting
to take my own life.

01:19:02.834 --> 01:19:05.542
There\'s a cost
of the programs

01:19:05.542 --> 01:19:07.709
and the medications.

01:19:07.709 --> 01:19:11.041
♪

01:19:11.041 --> 01:19:12.291
I was expendable.

01:19:12.291 --> 01:19:17.250
What\'s the cost
of something that\'s expendable?

01:19:17.250 --> 01:19:19.917
I don\'t have the life
that I wanted.

01:19:19.917 --> 01:19:24.291
There are still days
I wanna cry myself to sleep.

01:19:24.291 --> 01:19:29.375
The cost of it
was me being able to feel like

01:19:29.375 --> 01:19:32.542
I can have
a good relationship

01:19:32.542 --> 01:19:33.792
with anybody.

01:19:33.792 --> 01:19:35.417
I feel like
I didn\'t get to fulfill

01:19:35.417 --> 01:19:38.583
all these things
because I became broken.

01:19:38.583 --> 01:19:41.667
And, like,
I wasn\'t an option.

01:19:41.667 --> 01:19:43.458
I wasn\'t fit for duty anymore,

01:19:43.458 --> 01:19:45.667
according to
the Marine Corps.

01:19:45.667 --> 01:19:49.291
I have friends that paid
the ultimate sacrifice,

01:19:49.291 --> 01:19:52.125
and I just feel like
because of the PTSD,

01:19:52.125 --> 01:19:56.041
I wasn\'t able
to do the same thing.

01:19:56.041 --> 01:19:58.125
That\'s why I joined
the Marine Corps.

01:19:58.125 --> 01:20:00.125
I didn\'t care if I died.

01:20:00.125 --> 01:20:02.583
We are a traumatized nation.

01:20:02.583 --> 01:20:05.583
We have been at war
since the beginning

01:20:05.583 --> 01:20:06.625
of our history.

01:20:06.625 --> 01:20:09.250
We are about 240 years old,

01:20:09.250 --> 01:20:13.166
and we\'ve had
about 220 years

01:20:13.166 --> 01:20:15.500
of armed conflict.

01:20:15.500 --> 01:20:18.458
For the love of God,

01:20:18.458 --> 01:20:20.333
know what you\'re doing,
people,

01:20:20.333 --> 01:20:23.417
when you send us
into these places.

01:20:23.417 --> 01:20:25.750
If we do need to go to war,

01:20:25.750 --> 01:20:27.834
make sure it\'s worth it.

01:20:27.834 --> 01:20:31.000
♪

01:20:34.000 --> 01:20:36.000
Here we go, buddy.

01:20:36.000 --> 01:20:37.542
Up.

01:20:39.750 --> 01:20:42.625
With him,
life has opened up.

01:20:42.625 --> 01:20:44.709
He\'s helped me realize
that those things

01:20:44.709 --> 01:20:49.208
are not really as bad
as I perceived them to be,

01:20:49.208 --> 01:20:53.333
and that I could handle them
with his help.

01:20:53.834 --> 01:20:55.875
The obvious hard part
about going to the beach

01:20:55.875 --> 01:21:00.208
is the open area
and the exposure.

01:21:00.208 --> 01:21:01.125
But thinking about it,

01:21:01.125 --> 01:21:03.542
I believe that
a lot of it has to do with

01:21:03.542 --> 01:21:05.583
the night before
the suicide attempt,

01:21:05.583 --> 01:21:08.542
I made my decision
on that beach...

01:21:09.041 --> 01:21:10.709
...to commit suicide, so

01:21:10.709 --> 01:21:12.834
that\'s got a lot
to do with it.

01:21:12.834 --> 01:21:26.417
♪

01:21:26.417 --> 01:21:29.667
(sea gulls crying)

01:21:29.667 --> 01:21:36.583
♪

01:21:36.583 --> 01:21:39.125
(knuckles cracking)

01:21:39.125 --> 01:22:34.208
♪

01:22:34.208 --> 01:22:34.834
There\'s hope now.

01:22:34.834 --> 01:22:37.417
I didn\'t have
any hope before.

01:22:37.417 --> 01:22:40.667
♪

01:22:40.667 --> 01:22:42.041
There\'s a horizon now,

01:22:42.041 --> 01:22:44.083
there\'s a wide
and big horizon.

01:22:44.083 --> 01:22:45.917
Before, it was just
in a small box.

01:22:45.917 --> 01:22:51.333
A small box of pain and agony
and emotional anguish.

01:22:51.333 --> 01:22:53.333
♪

01:22:53.333 --> 01:22:54.834
The sides have fallen off,

01:22:54.834 --> 01:22:57.667
and I can see
in all the directions.

01:22:57.667 --> 01:23:37.583
♪

01:23:37.583 --> 01:23:41.959
♪ We were taught
to shoot our rifles ♪

01:23:41.959 --> 01:23:45.500
♪ Men and women,
side by side ♪

01:23:45.500 --> 01:23:50.959
♪ Thought we\'d be met
as liberators ♪

01:23:50.959 --> 01:23:54.417
♪ In a thousand-year-old fight ♪

01:23:54.417 --> 01:24:00.166
♪ I\'ve got this painful
ringing in my ear

01:24:00.166 --> 01:24:03.834
from an IED last night ♪

01:24:03.834 --> 01:24:09.208
♪ But no lead-lined
Humvee war machine

01:24:09.208 --> 01:24:12.667
could save my sergeant\'s life ♪

01:24:12.667 --> 01:24:17.166
♪ Three more soldiers,
six civilians

01:24:17.166 --> 01:24:22.750
need these words
to come out right ♪

01:24:22.750 --> 01:24:26.917
♪ God of mercy,
God of light ♪

01:24:26.917 --> 01:24:31.583
♪ Take your children
from this life ♪

01:24:31.583 --> 01:24:35.875
♪ Hear these words,
this humble plea ♪

01:24:35.875 --> 01:24:40.333
♪ For I have seen
the suffering ♪

01:24:40.333 --> 01:24:44.834
♪ And with this prayer,
I\'m hoping ♪

01:24:44.834 --> 01:24:50.083
♪ That we can be unbroken ♪

01:24:50.083 --> 01:24:56.750
♪

01:24:56.750 --> 01:25:01.625
♪ It\'s 18 months now
I\'ve been stateside ♪

01:25:01.625 --> 01:25:05.458
♪With this medal
on my chest ♪

01:25:05.458 --> 01:25:10.125
♪ But there are things
I can\'t remember ♪

01:25:10.125 --> 01:25:15.625
♪ And there are things
I won\'t forget ♪

01:25:16.208 --> 01:25:19.291
♪ I lie awake at night

01:25:19.291 --> 01:25:23.208
with dreams
a devil shouldn\'t see ♪

01:25:23.208 --> 01:25:27.375
♪ I wanna scream
but I can\'t breathe ♪

01:25:27.375 --> 01:25:32.208
♪ And Christ, I\'m sweating
through these sheets ♪

01:25:32.208 --> 01:25:37.291
♪ Where\'s my brothers,
where\'s my country ♪

01:25:37.291 --> 01:25:42.125
♪ Where\'s my
how things used to be ♪

01:25:43.000 --> 01:25:46.709
♪ God of mercy,
God of light ♪

01:25:46.709 --> 01:25:51.417
♪ Save your children
from this life ♪

01:25:51.417 --> 01:25:55.667
♪Hear these words,
this humble plea ♪

01:25:55.667 --> 01:26:00.125
♪ For I have seen
the suffering ♪

01:26:00.125 --> 01:26:04.750
♪ And with this prayer,
I\'m hoping ♪

01:26:04.750 --> 01:26:10.959
♪ That we can be unbroken ♪

01:26:10.959 --> 01:26:15.500
♪ My service dog\'s
done more for me ♪

01:26:15.500 --> 01:26:18.583
♪ Than the medication would ♪

01:26:18.583 --> 01:26:24.417
♪ There ain\'t no angel
that\'s coming to save me ♪

01:26:24.417 --> 01:26:29.500
♪But even if they could ♪

01:26:29.500 --> 01:26:34.917
♪ Today, 22 will die
from suicide ♪

01:26:34.917 --> 01:26:38.750
♪Just like yesterday,
they\'re gone ♪

01:26:38.750 --> 01:26:43.667
♪ I live my life
for each tomorrow ♪

01:26:43.667 --> 01:26:47.500
♪ So their memories
will live on ♪

01:26:47.500 --> 01:26:52.667
♪ Once we were boys
and we were strangers ♪

01:26:52.667 --> 01:26:56.417
♪ Now we\'re brothers
and we\'re men ♪

01:26:56.417 --> 01:27:01.083
♪ Someday, you\'ll ask me
was it worth it ♪

01:27:01.083 --> 01:27:06.041
♪ To be of service
in the end ♪

01:27:06.041 --> 01:27:11.667
♪ Well, the blessing
and the curse is, yeah ♪

01:27:11.667 --> 01:27:15.000
♪ I\'d do it all again ♪

01:27:15.000 --> 01:27:24.333
♪

01:27:24.333 --> 01:27:28.458
♪Whoa ♪

01:27:28.458 --> 01:27:32.291
♪ Whoa ♪♪